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NYC Psychotherapist Blog

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Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts

Sunday, April 27, 2025

Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

I wrote a prior article about hope entitled 5 Reasons Why Hope is Essential to Your Well-Being.

In this article I'm focusing on how the combination of hope and taking action can lead to meaningful change.

Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

    First a recap of my prior article:

5 Reasons Why Hope is Important to Your Sense of Well Being
There are many reasons why hope is important to your sense of well-being, including that it can provide: 
  • 1. An Openness to New Possibilities: When you feel hopeful, you're more likely to be open to new and better possibilities for the future.  Even if there's just only a glimmer of hope, it can be enough for you to envision a better future for yourself (see my article: Being Open to New Possibilities).
Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

  • 2. A Sense of Motivation: Hope can motivate you to take action because when you feel hopeful--even if you also feel some dread--you're more likely to take positive steps towards the challenges you're facing (see my article: Developing Internal Motivation).
Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change
  • 3. A Willingness to Persevere: Goals often require perseverance and perseverance is easier to sustain if you feel hopeful that your goals are achievable. This is especially true for long term goals where you might not always see progress immediately. Hope can sustain you through rough times when you might be tempted to give up (see my article: Achieving Your Goals With Perseverance).
Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change
  • 4. A Willingness to Overcome Setbacks: With many long term goals, there are often setbacks because progress isn't linear. This is true of many longer term goals. It's also true for psychotherapy.  When you feel hopeful, you're more likely to take temporary setbacks in stride rather than letting setbacks deter you from your goals (see my article: Setbacks Are a Normal Part of Therapy on the Road to Healing).
  • 5. An Improvement to Health and Well-Being: A sense of hope can improve your physical and mental well-being. When hope reduces stress, it can improve your immune system. Hope can also reduce anxiety and sadness.  In addition, it can increase your confidence.  Feeling hopeful and wanting to remain in a state of hopefulness can encourage you to surround yourself with like-minded people.
How to Cultivate Hope in Yourself
  • Give yourself permission to be hopeful--even when you're facing tough odds.
Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change
  • Set clear goals for yourself so you have a sense of purpose and direction.
  • Seek support for your goals from supportive loved ones.
  • Learn from other people's experiences--whether these are friends, family or inspiring people in history--to motivate yourself.
Why Does the Combination of Hope With Action Create Meaningful Change?
The stereotypical portrayal of psychotherapy is that therapy is all talk and no action (see my article: Common Myths About Psychotherapy: Therapy is All Talk and No Action).

Hope can be a powerful motivator, but hope alone won't bring about change without taking action.

Combining Hope and Action:
  • People are more likely to take action when they feel hopeful--even when they're faced with significant obstacles.
Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change
  • Just as hope can inspire action, action can inspire increased hope by giving people an increased sense of their own empowerment so there can be an upward spiral (see my article: Empowering Clients in Therapy).
Getting Help in Therapy
If you feel stuck and unable to motivate yourself, you could benefit from seeking help from a licensed mental health professional.

Getting Help in Therapy

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to overcome the obstacles that keep you stuck.

Rather than remaining stuck, seek help so you can achieve your goals and live a meaningful life.

About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experience helping individual adults and couples (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Therapy).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.










Saturday, February 1, 2025

What is Self Reflective Awareness and Why Is It Important For You?

The capacity for self reflective awareness is an essential life skill to develop for yourself and for your relationships with others (see my article: What is Self Awareness?).


Developing Self Reflective Awareness

What Are the Signs of Low Self Reflective Awareness?
The following are some of the most common signs of low self reflective awareness:
  • A Problem With Emotional Vulnerability: Emotional vulnerability is essential for your overall mental health, self compassion and empathy for others, open communication with your loved ones and the ability express your emotions, including emotions that might be difficult to express. If you see emotional vulnerability as being "weak", you're going to have a hard time connecting with your internal world and with others (see my article: Emotional Vulnerability as a Pathway to Intimacy in Relationships).
Emotional Vulnerability as a Pathway to Intimacy
  • An Inability to Admit to Mistakes: If you have problems reflecting on your thoughts, feelings and behavior, you have problems with self awareness which can lead to an inability to admit to mistakes. Instead, you blame others for mistakes you have made. This often occurs due to fear and insecurity (see my article: Having the Courage to Admit You Made a Mistake).
An Inability to Admit to Mistakes
  • A Tendency to Criticize Others: Along with an inability to admit mistakes, if you have low self reflective awareness, you might have a tendency to criticize others instead of looking at how you might have contributed to the problem.  Being hypercritical might make you feel better in the moment, but it usually comes at the expense of the people you're criticizing. This often leads to impaired relationships where resentment builds up and problems become more difficult to resolve. Equally important: It also comes at the expense of self awareness because you're too busy externalizing your problems (see my article: Improve Communication in Your Relationship By Eliminating the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse).
  • A Problem Making Decisions: If you lack self reflective awareness, you might be indecisive because you're unable to reflect on what would be best for you and your loved ones. You might avoid making decisions because you feel insecure and you fear being judged or criticized. Instead of assessing your options, you might just accept whatever you're feeling at the moment ("I don't feel like going to work today, so I won't go"). Aside from a lack of self awareness, there's no critical thinking about the consequences of your behavior.
Problems Making Decisions
  • A Problem Understanding Your Feelings: Without self awareness, you probably have a problems understanding your feelings. You also might not be comfortable with your feelings, especially if you got the message when you were growing up that feelings are dangerous. You might not be able to distinguish between feelings of sadness, anger, anxiety, shame, fear, happiness or disgust. Instead, your feelings might be value . You might only be able to say things like, "I feel bad" which is too vague to help you understand what's happening to you or to be able to communicate how you feel to others. In addition, if you lack self awareness, you might assume that just because you feel bad that means things are bad. In other words, a person with self reflective capacity, can step back from their feelings to assess what's going on. They can identify their feelings and think about why they're feeling that way instead of assuming that a "bad feeling" means things are bad (see my article: Your Thoughts and Feelings Aren't Facts).
  • Ruminating About the Past: Without self awareness, you can easily fall into a pattern of constantly dwelling on the past--your mistakes, other people's mistakes, what might have been and so on (this is different from when someone is stuck in unresolved trauma where their mind keeps going round and round about what happened as part of a trauma response). When you ruminate about the past (when it wasn't traumatic) and you don't have self awareness, you don't have the ability to observe and challenge yourself. Being aware of your rumination helps you to stop and reach a level of acceptance about the past so you can move on.
Dwelling on the Past and Worry About the Future
  • Worrying Unproductively About the Future: If you lack self awareness, you might have a tendency to be a chronic worrier about the future. You might also be unaware of the anxiety and stress you're causing yourself by worrying about something that hasn't happened yet. Without the ability to step back and observe how you think, feel and behave, you just reinforce your habit of worrying without getting curious about why you're doing it. 
Why is Self Awareness Important?
Everyone could benefit from improving their self awareness.  But if you're having problems similar to what I have described in this article, you have a problem.

Self Awareness is Part of Emotional Intelligence

Self awareness is an essential part of emotional intelligence which helps you to know yourself and build and maintain healthy relationships with others.

When you're self aware, you have the capacity to identify and learn from your mistakes which allows you to grow, learn new skills and develop resilience.

Next Article
In my next article, I'll discuss how to develop self reflective awareness.

Getting Help in Therapy
One of the most common reasons why people seek help in therapy is because they realize they're not self aware. They don't know how they feel and they're having problems in their relationships.

Getting Help in Therapy

It's also not unusual for someone to seek help in therapy because a partner is complaining. 

Even though the client might not be internally motivated at first, they often develop the curiosity and motivation to change. 

If you're struggling to understand yourself and others, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who can help you to become more self aware.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed psychotherapist so you can lead a more meaningful life.

About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.






Monday, February 26, 2024

5 Reasons Why Hope is Essential to Your Well-Being

Life can be so challenging at times that you might find yourself balancing feelings of hope and dread (see my article: Focusing on Your Personal Strengths to Get Through Stressful Times).

Hope is Essential to Your Well-Being

While it's important not to be overtaken by dread, it's also important not to live on false hope, which will be discussed later on in this article.

This article will also discuss the role of unresolved trauma and how it can get in the way of having a sense of hope for the future.

5 Reasons Why Hope is Important to Your Sense of Well Being
There are many reasons why hope is important to your sense of well-being, including that it can provide: 
  • 1. An Openness to New Possibilities: When you feel hopeful, you're more likely to be open to new and better possibilities for the future.  Even if there's just a glimmer of hope, it can be enough for you to envision a better future for yourself (see my article: Being Open to New Possibilities).
  • 2. A Sense of Motivation: Hope can motivate you to take action because when you feel hopeful enough--even if you also feel some dread--you're more likely to take positive steps towards the goals or challenges you're facing (see my article: Developing Internal Motivation).

Hope is Essential to Your Well-Being

  • 3. A Willingness to Persevere: Goals often require perseverance and perseverance is easier to sustain if you feel hopeful that your goals are achievable. This is especially true for long term goals where you might not always see progress immediately. Hope can sustain you through rough times when you might be tempted to give up (see my article: Achieving Your Goals With Perseverance).
  • 4. A Willingness to Overcome Setbacks: With many long term goals, there are often setbacks because progress isn't linear. This is true of many long terms projects. It's also true for psychotherapy.  When you feel hopeful, you're more likely to take temporary setbacks in stride rather than letting setbacks deter you from your goals (see my article: Setbacks Are a Normal Part of Therapy on the Road to Healing).
  • 5. An Improvement to Health and Well-Being: A sense of hope can improve your physical and mental well-being. When hope reduces stress, it can improve your immune system. Hope can also reduce anxiety and sadness.  In addition, it can increase your confidence.  Feeling hopeful and wanting to remain in a state of hopefulness can encourage you to surround yourself with like-minded people.
Avoiding False Hope and Unrealistic Expectations
Being hopeful doesn't mean that you latch onto false hope or unrealistic expectations.

It also doesn't mean "never giving up on your dreams" if your dreams aren't achievable or they're based on toxic positivity.

For example, if you have a dream of being an Olympic swimmer, but you never learn to swim, your dream is rooted in false hope and unrealistic expectations.  Or, if you want to become a concert pianist, but you hardly ever practice the piano, you're not going to fulfill your dream.

The examples given above are easy to see, but it's not always clear when you're indulging in false hope. 

For example, if you're in a relationship that has long-standing problems, you might not have a sense of whether your relationship can be salvaged or if it's beyond repair.  

In that case, a couples therapist, who is a relationship expert, can help you both to assess how you feel about the relationship and whether you each feel it's still viable.

Seeking Help in Therapy
If you have unresolved trauma, you might find it challenging to feel hopeful even under the best of circumstances because your prior traumatic experiences can cloud your perspective (see my article: Overcoming Trauma: Separating Then From Now).


Seek Help in Therapy

If you feel you're constantly "waiting for the other shoe to drop" even when there's nothing in your current circumstances to warrant your concern, you could benefit from seeking help from a trauma therapist.

A skilled trauma therapist can help you to free yourself from your traumatic history so you can live a more hopeful and meaningful life.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples to overcome their traumatic history (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.














Sunday, January 28, 2024

What is a Growth Mindset vs a Fixed Mindset?

How we think about ourselves and the world around us, including whether we think in terms of a growth mindset or a fixed mindset, affects every area of our lives.

The Difference Between a Growth Mindset and a Fixed Mindset
People with a growth mindset see abilities and talents as learnable and capable of improvement over time.

The Difference Between a Growth Mindset and a Fixed Mindset

People who have a fixed mindset see these same qualities as stable and unchangeable over time.  

Someone with a fixed mindset who is considering becoming a business owner wouldn't believe they could develop the necessary skills and abilities they don't currently have. 

They would tell themselves, "I never had good business skills and that won't change, so there's no point in even trying."

Someone with a growth mindset who is considering the same endeavor would believe they could develop the necessary skills and abilities.  

They would tell themselves, "Even though I don't have business skills right now, I can learn and develop those skills over time so I can accomplish my dream."

A Growth vs a Fixed Mindset in Life
We used to think the brain stopped developing in childhood, but now we know the brain continues to evolve throughout the course of life so it's possible to grow new neural networks by having new experiences, learning new skills and expanding our knowledge.  

The Brain Can Evolve Throughout the Course of Life

Someone with a fixed mindset believes whatever they have developed already can't be expanded, but someone with a growth mindset believes there can be expansion through effort and learning throughout life.

What Are the Qualities of a Growth Mindset?
People with a growth mindset
  • Believe their intelligence, talents and abilities can expand and improve by taking relevant action and making an effort 
  • Believe they can achieve mastery
  • View constructive feedback as a learning experience and a source of information
  • Accept challenges
  • Believe setbacks are a temporary phase before achieving their goals
  • Become motivated and inspired by others' success
What Are the Qualities of a Fixed Mindset?
People with a fixed mindset
  • Believe personal traits don't change no matter how much effort is applied
  • Believe intelligence, abilities and talents are static and don't change
  • Believe making an effort to change intelligence and abilities is a waste of time
  • View constructive feedback as personal criticism and they often become defensive
  • Avoid challenges to avoid the possibility of failure
  • Hide the areas they need to improve because they're afraid they will be criticized
  • Give up on their goals relatively easily

What are the Advantages of a Growth Mindset?
People who have a growth mindset  
  • Experiment and try new things
  • Develop a sense of determination
  • Correct their mistakes along the way instead of seeing them as obstacles
  • View challenges as opportunities
  • Try new learning strategies
  • Allow their accomplishments to speak for themselves rather than seeking approval from others
  • Enjoy the learning process
  • Utilize constructive criticism as a way to learn and grow
  • Allow themselves to feel proud of their accomplishments


About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP,  EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.













Thursday, January 25, 2024

How to Keep the Momentum Going in Your Therapy

In my last article, 4 Reasons Why Attending Sessions Consistently is Important For Your Progress in Therapy, I focused on why consistency is essential to success in therapy.  

I mentioned that motivation to change is what brings people into therapy and keeping the momentum going is how people make changes.

Keeping Up the Momentum in Therapy

What is Momentum?
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines momentum as the strength or force gained by motion or by a series of events.

A common example of momentum is the snowball effect, which refers to the effect of events building on each other as a result of momentum. 

What is Psychological Momentum?
Researchers who study psychological momentum describe it as a perceptual force that changes human behavior and performance.

Psychological momentum is linked to the concept that "Success breeds success." 

Keeping Up the Momentum in Therapy

The concept of psychological momentum is often discussed in sports when a team is on a "winning streak." 

Winning gives the team the mental and physical power to keep going. While they're winning, they gain confidence and feel unstoppable.

In politics, psychological momentum often occurs when a candidate wins a string of political races, gains confidence and the perception that victory is inevitable.

What is Psychological Momentum in Psychotherapy?

Clinical Vignettes
The two examples below are both composites of many different cases.  

The first case shows how inconsistency and lack of motivation has a negative impact on therapy and the client's goals.

The second case shows how consistency and motivation leads to psychological momentum which enables the client to be successful in achieving his goals.

Jim
In an effort to overcome low self esteem, Jim began weekly therapy.  After a few sessions, he started cancelling appointments even though he had to pay for the cancellations.  When his therapist told him it was important to come consistently to make progress in therapy, Jim ghosted his therapist. He didn't respond to her outreach. After a few months, he started therapy with a different therapist and repeated the same pattern.  When his friend, Joe, asked Jim how therapy was going, Jim told him that he thought therapy didn't work.  

Joe
When he heard his friend, Jim, say that therapy didn't work, Joe was surprised.  He told Jim that he had been going to therapy consistently for a year and he felt he was making progress in learning how to be assertive.  He also told Jim that, at first, he had his doubts as to whether he would ever learn to assert himself but, over time, his therapy gained momentum and he was happy with the progress he was making.  

Conclusion
To experience psychological momentum in therapy, it's important to be motivated and consistent.

Many people start therapy with good intentions and then become discouraged when they have to put in an effort to make changes and they leave therapy prematurely (see my article: Why Do People Leave Therapy Prematurely?).

Eventually, many of those people return to therapy because trying to cope with their unresolved problems is much harder than doing the work in therapy.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you have been struggling with unresolved problems on your own, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional.

If you're motivated and consistent in therapy, a skilled psychotherapist can help you to build momentum to overcome the obstacles that are keeping you from reaching your goals.  

Motivation, consistency and a willingness to do the work in therapy often leads to psychological momentum and a positive ripple effect in other areas of your life.

So rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed psychotherapist.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples to overcome their problems, including unresolved trauma (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.


Wednesday, January 24, 2024

4 Reasons Why Attending Sessions Consistently is Important For Your Progress in Therapy

Many clients ask at the start of therapy how often they need to attend therapy. 

Since most of us have busy lives, this is a legitimate question.  

Consistency is Important For Progress in Therapy

It's also common for people to feel anxious and ambivalent at the start of therapy (see my article: It's Not Unusual to Feel Anxious and Ambivalent at the Start of Therapy).

Research indicates that attending therapy sessions on a weekly basis is essential to make progress in therapy.

The importance of attending weekly sessions is something I discuss with clients at the start of therapy because it's important for clients to know that therapy is a big commitment and the reasons why weekly sessions are essential.

4 Reasons Why Being Consistent is Important For Your Progress in Therapy

Consistency is Important For Progress in Therapy

  • Developing Internal Resources to Work on Problems: Most therapists, especially trauma therapists, help clients to develop the necessary tools needed to work on unresolved problems.  This is called resourcing. During weekly sessions, your therapist can help you develop the necessary internal resources before you delve into trauma work. Weekly sessions also allows you and your therapist to discuss which resources are working best for you.  If you skip sessions, you're delaying the resource process which also delays working on your problems (see my article: Developing Internal Resources and Coping Skills in Therapy).
  • Accountability: Usually goals are set at the beginning of therapy and you and your therapist talk about how you're progressing in terms of what you want to accomplish in therapy.  It's easier to track your progress if you're coming weekly than if you skip appointments.  Cancelled sessions often leads to a decrease in motivation and a reduced sense of accountability.  This is one of the reasons why most therapists have a cancellation policy.

Getting Help in Therapy
Are you considering therapy?

Before I meet with clients for an initial appointment, I talk to them on the phone for 10-15 minutes to get an idea of what they want to work on and whether I have the expertise to help them.  There is no charge for this brief talk on the phone.

After that, if clients want to set up an initial appointment, I schedule an appointment for them either in person or online.  

During the first appointment, they can see whether they feel comfortable with me to continue coming for weekly sessions.

Working on your issues in therapy provides you with an opportunity to overcome the obstacles that stand in your way from having the life you want.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

With over 25 years of experience, I have helped many individual adults and couples to achieve their goals (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.






Tuesday, January 9, 2024

What is a Flow State?

The Flow State has also been described as being "in the zone" or "in the groove."  

When  people are in a Flow State, they are so immersed and focused on whatever enjoyable task they're doing that they don't notice time is passing. 


A Flow State

This article will focus on:
  • Defining the Flow State
  • Positive Psychology and the Flow State
  • The Benefits of the Flow State
  • How to Enter into the Flow State
What is the Flow State?
The psychological Flow State is a state of being completely absorbed, focused and involved in an enjoyable task for its own sake.

A Flow State

The Flow State is similar to mindfulness in that a person who is in that state is in the present moment.

Tasks that allow for a Flow State include (but are not limited to): 
  • Sports 
  • Yoga
  • Dancing 
  • Reading
  • Gardening
  • Crafts
  • Painting
  • Drawing
  • Video games
  • Listening to music
  • Playing an instrument
  • Sex 
These tasks can be anything that is enjoyable, rewarding and at just the right level of challenge for a person's particular skill set.  

A Flow State

The tasks aren't so tough that they're overwhelming and they're not so easy that they're boring.

What is the Connection Between Positive Psychology and the Flow State?
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a Hungarian-American psychologist who was a leader in the Positive Psychology movement, popularized the concept of the Flow State.

The Positive Psychology movement was developed in the late 20th Century as an alternative to the psychological perspective at the time that focused on psychopathology.

In his book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Csikszentmihalyi indicated that people are happiest when they are in the Flow State.

He characterized nine components of the Flow State:
  • Challenge-skill balance
  • Merging of action and awareness
  • Clarity
  • Immediate and clear feedback
  • Concentration on the task
  • Paradox of control (the more you try to control something the more. you lose control)
  • Transformation of time
  • Loss of self consciousness
  • Autotelic experience (performing tasks that are intrinsically rewarding)
What Are the Benefits of the Flow State?
  • Better performance
  • Fewer distractions
  • Less self judgment
  • Increased motivation to complete a task
  • Great ability to spend a longer time on a task
  • Increased skill and sense of self competence
How Can You Enter into the Flow State?
People often get into the Flow State without realizing it, but you can also try to induce a Flow State.

If you want to induce the Flow State, you can:
  • Think about the times you were able to get into the Flow State in the past
A Flow State
  • Engage in enjoyable activities where you can get immersed
  • Eliminate distractions, interruptions and multitasking so you can focus on one activity
  • Allow enough time to enter into a Flow State (a longer time is more conductive to Flow)
  • Practice mindfulness
Conclusion
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's work emphasized that the Flow State can induce a feeling of happiness and a sense of meaningfulness.  

He also stressed the importance of the balance between the challenge of the task and the skill involved to be able to enter into a Flow State.

You can explore different tasks to find the ones that enable you to enter into a Flow State and derive the benefits of Flow.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I am a sex-positive therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.