Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

I wrote a prior article about hope entitled 5 Reasons Why Hope is Essential to Your Well-Being.

In this article I'm focusing on how the combination of hope and taking action can lead to meaningful change.

Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

    First a recap of my prior article:

5 Reasons Why Hope is Important to Your Sense of Well Being

There are many reasons why hope is important to your sense of well-being, including that it can provide: 

• 1. An Openness to New Possibilities: When you feel hopeful, you're more likely to be open to new and better possibilities for the future.  Even if there's just only a glimmer of hope, it can be enough for you to envision a better future for yourself (see my article: Being Open to New Possibilities).

Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

• 2. A Sense of Motivation: Hope can motivate you to take action because when you feel hopeful--even if you also feel some dread--you're more likely to take positive steps towards the challenges you're facing (see my article: Developing Internal Motivation).

Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

• 3. A Willingness to Persevere: Goals often require perseverance and perseverance is easier to sustain if you feel hopeful that your goals are achievable. This is especially true for long term goals where you might not always see progress immediately. Hope can sustain you through rough times when you might be tempted to give up (see my article: Achieving Your Goals With Perseverance).

Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

• 4. A Willingness to Overcome Setbacks: With many long term goals, there are often setbacks because progress isn't linear. This is true of many longer term goals. It's also true for psychotherapy.  When you feel hopeful, you're more likely to take temporary setbacks in stride rather than letting setbacks deter you from your goals (see my article: Setbacks Are a Normal Part of Therapy on the Road to Healing).

• 5. An Improvement to Health and Well-Being: A sense of hope can improve your physical and mental well-being. When hope reduces stress, it can improve your immune system. Hope can also reduce anxiety and sadness.  In addition, it can increase your confidence.  Feeling hopeful and wanting to remain in a state of hopefulness can encourage you to surround yourself with like-minded people.

How to Cultivate Hope in Yourself

• Give yourself permission to be hopeful--even when you're facing tough odds.

Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

• Set clear goals for yourself so you have a sense of purpose and direction.

• Use your imagination to visualize the positive outcome you want.
• See my articles: 
• Using Your Imagination as a Powerful Tool For Change

• Using Imaginal Interweaves to Overcome Trauma

• Seek support for your goals from supportive loved ones.

• Learn from other people's experiences--whether these are friends, family or inspiring people in history--to motivate yourself.

Why Does the Combination of Hope With Action Create Meaningful Change?

The stereotypical portrayal of psychotherapy is that therapy is all talk and no action (see my article: Common Myths About Psychotherapy: Therapy is All Talk and No Action).

Hope can be a powerful motivator, but hope alone won't bring about change without taking action.

Combining Hope and Action:

• People are more likely to take action when they feel hopeful--even when they're faced with significant obstacles.

Combining Hope With Action For Meaningful Change

• Hope provides individuals with a belief that they can persevere in taking action even in the face of obstacles (see my article: Overcoming Obstacles to Make Changes in Your Life).

• Just as hope can inspire action, action can inspire increased hope by giving people an increased sense of their own empowerment so there can be an upward spiral (see my article: Empowering Clients in Therapy).

Getting Help in Therapy

If you feel stuck and unable to motivate yourself, you could benefit from seeking help from a licensed mental health professional.

Getting Help in Therapy

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to overcome the obstacles that keep you stuck.

Rather than remaining stuck, seek help so you can achieve your goals and live a meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experience helping individual adults and couples (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Therapy).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

5 Reasons Why Hope is Essential to Your Well-Being

Life can be so challenging at times that you might find yourself balancing feelings of hope and dread (see my article: Focusing on Your Personal Strengths to Get Through Stressful Times).

Hope is Essential to Your Well-Being

While it's important not to be overtaken by dread, it's also important not to live on false hope, which will be discussed later on in this article.

This article will also discuss the role of unresolved trauma and how it can get in the way of having a sense of hope for the future.

5 Reasons Why Hope is Important to Your Sense of Well Being

There are many reasons why hope is important to your sense of well-being, including that it can provide: 

• 1. An Openness to New Possibilities: When you feel hopeful, you're more likely to be open to new and better possibilities for the future.  Even if there's just a glimmer of hope, it can be enough for you to envision a better future for yourself (see my article: Being Open to New Possibilities).

• 2. A Sense of Motivation: Hope can motivate you to take action because when you feel hopeful enough--even if you also feel some dread--you're more likely to take positive steps towards the goals or challenges you're facing (see my article: Developing Internal Motivation).

Hope is Essential to Your Well-Being

• 3. A Willingness to Persevere: Goals often require perseverance and perseverance is easier to sustain if you feel hopeful that your goals are achievable. This is especially true for long term goals where you might not always see progress immediately. Hope can sustain you through rough times when you might be tempted to give up (see my article: Achieving Your Goals With Perseverance).

• 4. A Willingness to Overcome Setbacks: With many long term goals, there are often setbacks because progress isn't linear. This is true of many long terms projects. It's also true for psychotherapy.  When you feel hopeful, you're more likely to take temporary setbacks in stride rather than letting setbacks deter you from your goals (see my article: Setbacks Are a Normal Part of Therapy on the Road to Healing).

• 5. An Improvement to Health and Well-Being: A sense of hope can improve your physical and mental well-being. When hope reduces stress, it can improve your immune system. Hope can also reduce anxiety and sadness.  In addition, it can increase your confidence.  Feeling hopeful and wanting to remain in a state of hopefulness can encourage you to surround yourself with like-minded people.

Avoiding False Hope and Unrealistic Expectations

Being hopeful doesn't mean that you latch onto false hope or unrealistic expectations.

It also doesn't mean "never giving up on your dreams" if your dreams aren't achievable or they're based on toxic positivity.

For example, if you have a dream of being an Olympic swimmer, but you never learn to swim, your dream is rooted in false hope and unrealistic expectations.  Or, if you want to become a concert pianist, but you hardly ever practice the piano, you're not going to fulfill your dream.

The examples given above are easy to see, but it's not always clear when you're indulging in false hope. 

For example, if you're in a relationship that has long-standing problems, you might not have a sense of whether your relationship can be salvaged or if it's beyond repair.  

In that case, a couples therapist, who is a relationship expert, can help you both to assess how you feel about the relationship and whether you each feel it's still viable.

Seeking Help in Therapy

If you have unresolved trauma, you might find it challenging to feel hopeful even under the best of circumstances because your prior traumatic experiences can cloud your perspective (see my article: Overcoming Trauma: Separating Then From Now).

Seek Help in Therapy

If you feel you're constantly "waiting for the other shoe to drop" even when there's nothing in your current circumstances to warrant your concern, you could benefit from seeking help from a trauma therapist.

A skilled trauma therapist can help you to free yourself from your traumatic history so you can live a more hopeful and meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples to overcome their traumatic history (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Movies: "A Fantastic Woman:" Maintaining Dignity and Self Respect in a Hostile World

Sebastian Lelio's film, "A Fantastic Woman," which has been nominated for the Academy Awards Best Foreign Film category, is about a transwoman, Marina (wonderfully portrayed by Daniela Vega) and her perseverance in maintaining her dignity and demanding respect as a human being, despite the grief of losing her romantic partner and dealing with prejudice and harassment.

Movies: "A Fantastic Woman:" Maintaining Dignity and Self Respect Despite a Hostile World 

Marina and her boyfriend, Orlando (portrayed by Fernando Reyes) live together in Orlando's apartment in Santiago, Chile.  They are a happy, loving couple who are kind and generous to each other.  But one night Orlando gets sick suddenly and Marina takes him to the hospital.

Within a couple of hours, Orlando dies from a brain aneurysm.  Alone with no one to console her at that point, Marina deals with the shock and grief on her own.

Since she fears losing her job as a waitress if she does not show up, she goes to work that day and acts as if nothing happened while her heart is breaking.

She also has to deal with close-minded hospital staff, abusive police officers and Orlando's emotionally and physically aggressive relatives who don't understand why Orlando, who was married before and has a young child, was with a transwoman.

We don't learn a lot about Marina's personal history or much about her family background, except that she has a sister and brother in law who take her in after Orlando's family kicks her out of Orlando's apartment after his death.

We do learn that she has not received her identification card yet indicating that she is a woman so, as far as the outside world is concerned, she is a man.

She is also subject to humiliating and degrading acts by the police who, ostensibly, want to "help" her in case she was abused in her relationship with Orlando (despite the fact that she tells them that she was not abused).

The one bright spot in her life is her love of music and singing.  And, despite all the obstacles that are thrown in her way, Marina perseveres.

Marina grieves for Orlando, but she also knows that life goes on, and she is committed to persevering with her singing career as well as do what she can to make ends meet financially.  She will survive and thrive on her own terms.

Ultimately, A Fantastic Woman is an inspiring movie due to Marina's resilience and uncompromising demand for respect as a human being--even if people don't understand her.

It's wonderful, for a change, to see a movie about a transwoman triumphs.

If you haven't seen this movie, it's well worth seeing for the acting, wonderful plot, and inspiration.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

One of my specialties is working with LGBTQ clients.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Resources:
The LGBT Center in New York City
National Center For Transgender Equality
Transgender Law Center
Gender Proud

Empowering Yourself When You Feel Disempowered

Life presents many challenges that can lead to your feeling discouraged and disempowered.  Often, the key to feeling empowered is to take action, even if it's a small step, because, as the saying goes, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step" (see my article: What's Holding You Back From Achieving Your Goals?).

Empowering Yourself When You Feel Disempowered

When you feel disempowered, you might feel that whatever step you take will be inconsequential compared to the larger goal.  It's easy to talk yourself out of taking action if you try to imagine what your steps should be from beginning to end.

This can leave you feeling discouraged and stuck.  But it's important to remember that, along the way, life will present opportunities that you can't know about right now.

That's why it's so important to maintain a sense of hope, which will help you to get from one step to another and help you to feel empowered enough to maintain your course.

Helpful Tips:

• Take Action: The action doesn't have to be big.  You can start by writing down your goal and then defining what steps you need to take to get there.  Then, break down those steps into smaller, more manageable steps and take some step every week to get closer to your goal.  You can also start by talking to someone who has already accomplished what you want to do.  Ask questions about what worked and what didn't work.  Talk to supportive friends and family members who will encourage you.

• Appreciate the Journey:  Often, people who have worked on long term goals, have remarked that the journey to accomplishing their goals turned out to be more valuable than the end goal.  Along the way, they met interesting people and learned new things.  The journey itself helped to them to broaden and grow (see my article: Being Open to New Experiences).

• Keep Things in Perspective: Although things might seem bleak at the moment, change your focus to the long view.  Rather than telling yourself all the reasons why you can't accomplish what you want, imagine yourself in a few years time and what it would feel like once you have accomplished your goals (see my article: Experiencing Happiness as Part of Your Future Self).  Hold onto that good feeling and sense of accomplishment to get you through.  Most things that are worth accomplishing take a while to accomplish.  Also, remember other times when you have felt discouraged and things worked out for you (see my article: Staying Positive and Focused on Your Goals). 

• Spend Time With Others Who Are Positive and Working Towards Their Goals:  Naysayers can give you many reasons why you can't accomplish what you want.  They will reinforce your own self doubts.  But people who are persevering in their goals, even when there are challenges, are inspiring to be around and can help to motivate you to work on your goals even during challenging times (see my article: Finding Inspiration and Motivation to Accomplish Your Goals).

• Cultivate a Mentor in Your Life:  Having the support of a mentor can make all the difference in terms of your accomplishing your goals, especially when you feel discouraged.  A mentor can see qualities in you that you might not see or appreciate.  

• Stop Comparing Yourself Unfavorably to Other People:  Being around positive people, who are persevering in their goals, despite obstacles, is inspiring.  But some people, who don't feel good about themselves, compare themselves unfavorably to these people.  Remember:  It's not a competition.  When you find yourself comparing yourself unfavorable to others, notice it, recognize it as self defeating and switch your attention back to yourself (see my article: How to Stop Comparing Yourself Unfavorably to Others).

• Don't Get Discouraged If You Stumble:  Thomas Edison had to work out almost 3,000 theories about electric light and only two of his experiments worked.  He said, "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up" (see my articles: When Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck and Overcoming Your Fear of Making Mistakes).

• Acknowledge Yourself For Each Step Towards Your Goal:  Some people don't feel that they deserve any recognition as they take steps towards their goal.  But this can be discouraging, especially if it's a goal that will take years.  So, it's important to give yourself credit for each step that brings you closer to your goal.  Celebrate each milestone (see my article: Achieving Your Goals: Learn to Celebrate Small Successes Along the Way to Your Final Goal).

Getting Help in Therapy:
People who have experienced emotional trauma, especially early childhood trauma, or who suffer from depression or anxiety can find it too overwhelming to empower themselves, so the tips outlined above might not be helpful.

Empowering Yourself: Getting Help in Therapy

These tips might even have the effect of making them feel ashamed that they can't use these tips to overcome their obstacles.

If you're struggling and feeling disempowered and stuck, you could benefit from seeking help from a licensed psychotherapist who can help you to develop the capacity to overcome your history and to take positive steps for the future (see my article: Therapists Who Empower Clients in Therapy).

Everyone needs help at some point in his or her life.  Sometimes, you need a specialist who has skills that your friends and family don't have to help you overcome your problems (see my article: Learning to Feel Hopeful in Therapy: Developing a Stronger Sense of Self).

Rather than struggling on your own, get help to overcome your personal history so you can accomplish your goals and lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Achieving Your Goals With Perseverance

To achieve your goals, you often hear that you need to persevere and pursue your goals with resolve and tenacity.  While it's certainly true that few long term goals are achieved by happenstance, it's also true that, along the way, there are times when you need to be flexible and open to new ideas and possibilities.  Often, it's a matter of balancing perseverance and flexibility.

Achieving Your Goals With Perseverance

Let's take a look at the example below, which is a composite of many cases, and illustrates the importance of how balancing perseverance and flexibility can help to achieve long-term goals:

Dana

Dana had a lifelong dream of having her own clothing store.  By time she was in her early 30s, she had worked in the fashion industry, including upscale clothing stores, for several years.  At that point, more than anything, she wanted to be her own boss.

Her father agreed to provide the initial capital for her to start her business with the understanding that she see a business consultant first to get advice.  Her father agreed to pay for the consultant.  Initially, Dana balked at the idea of hiring a consultant because she felt she already knew what she needed to do to have a successful business.

She was ready to work hard to make her business successful.  She didn't want anyone else interfering with her ideas.  She wished she didn't have to rely on her father's money to start her business.  But she knew she couldn't do it without his help and her father wouldn't provide her with the capital to start the business unless she agreed to see the consultant.  So, she agreed reluctantly.

The consultant made recommendations that were counter to what Dana had in mind.  The consultant recommended that, before she opened her business, she should first take a continuing education course on how to start a business since she had no experience. But Dana quickly brushed this off.  He also recommended that she start small and keep her overhead low.  But Dana bristled at the idea that she would have to start small.

She felt both her father and the consultant didn't have enough confidence in her.  And, instead of following the consultant's recommendations, she plunged ahead and she sought a large space in a trendy area of Manhattan.  Never having rented commercial space before, she was shocked at the rent and that the landlord wanted a co-signer.

When her father refused to co-sign, Dana was forced to take a smaller space with lower rent.  She was somewhat deflated by this, but she felt she had no choice but to go along with it.

During the first few months, Dana was shocked at how many hours she had to put in to keep the business going.  She was more than willing to work hard, but she had little to show for it monetarily at the end of the month.  The consultant advised her that she would probably lose money the first year, but she couldn't believe how much money her business was losing.

Since her father agreed to pay the rent for the first year, she wasn't worried about losing the space, but she felt guilty about going through her father's money with nothing to show for it.  To make matters worse, she discovered that her part time sales associate was stealing money from the register, so she had to let her go.

By the second year, the business continued to lose money at an alarming rate, which Dana couldn't understand.  She had originally thought that hard work and perseverance would lead to success, but this clearly wasn't the case.

When Dana's father told her that he wouldn't foot the bill for the rent any more, Dana felt like a failure.  They had to hire an attorney to get Dana out of her commercial lease.  After settling with the landlord and closing her business, Dana felt depressed.

Dana had to move back into her parents' home because she had no money to pay rent on her apartment, which made her feel worse.  For the first month, she was so depressed that she could barely get out of bed.

By the second month, when her parents told her that she needed to get a job, she reluctantly went back to her old job.  She feared that her old boss and coworkers would see her as a failure, but everyone was very kind to her.  Even so, she could barely look anyone in the eye when she first returned.

As her depression got worse, she came to see me for therapy to begin picking up the pieces of her life.  Initially, we worked on basic coping skills because Dana was having problems just getting out of bed and getting through the day.

After a few weeks, Dana was ready to deal with her grief about losing her business.  As we explored her experiences, she was able to see that a big part of her problem was a combination of her misconception that perseverance alone would make her successful and her inflexibility to follow advice from a seasoned business consultant.

Dana realized now that there were so many things she didn't know about having her own business, and she would have benefited from taking the continuing education course that the consultant recommended.

She also realized that, contrary to her feeling that she was "a total failure," there were a lot of things that she did right:  She had a good sense of what customers wanted and her merchandise sold, but her income was still so much less than her overhead.  She realized now that she had been too stubborn to see that there was a lot more that she would have needed to know to be successful.

After several months in therapy, Dana began to recover from her loss, and she signed up for the continuing education course on how to start her own business.  She also found a business partner to share in the expenses for her next clothing store.  After taking the course, she was in a much better position to try her hand again at having her own business.

It was a humbling experience for Dana, but her new willingness to be flexible and learn from her experience contributed to her eventual success.

Perseverance Isn't Always Enough
As Dana learned, hard work and perseverance isn't always enough for you to achieve your goals.  Sometimes, you need to be flexible and compromise in order to be successful.  This isn't always obvious at the start.  Often, you don't realize the need for flexibility until you're already involved in your project.

Many people, like Dana, have strong beliefs and fixed ideas about what they want to do and how they want to do it.  Successful people learn from experience and recognize when it's necessary to either change course or make modifications to their plan.

Getting Help in Therapy
If Dana's story resonates for you in a particular area of your life and you're having difficulty overcoming this problem on your own, you could benefit from seeking help from a licensed psychotherapist.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples, and I have helped many psychotherapy clients to achieve their goals.

To find out more about me, visit my web site:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.