What Role Does Clinical Intuition Play in Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP)?

Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy is a type of Experiential Therapy (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Traditional Talk Therapy?).

Clinical intuition is an important aspect of all Experiential Therapy.

AEDP was developed by New York psychologist, Diana Fosha (see my articles: What is AEDP and How Does It Heal?- Part 1 and Part 2).

AEDP and Clinical Intuition

In AEDP, intuition acts as an important mechanism bridging the gap between intellectual theory and deep emotional healing.

AEDP privileges right-brain-to-right brain emotional connection over traditional left-brain analytic talking.

What Role Does Clinical Intuition Play in AEDP?

1. Therapist-Led Clinical Intuition: 

In AEDP, clinical intuition is defined as a direct, immediate and embodied knowing. It's not a random guess. 

AEDP and Clinical Intuition

Clinical intuition in AEDP is a highly sophisticated, unconscious pattern recognition developed from deep clinical experience:

• Moments of Rapid Clinical Intuition: Also known by the metaphor of the "blink effect", the AEDP therapist senses somatic and relational shifts between her and the client. This process bypasses left-brain reasoning. It allows the therapist to know the what, when and how to intervene in the moment with the client.

• Right-Brain Attunement: The AEDP therapist uses right-brain receptiveness to register the client's micro-expressions, shifts in vocal tone, and non-verbal somatic cues.  

• Deciding on Interventions: This intuitive state tells the AEDP therapist whether to offer comfort, share authentic self disclosure or challenge a defense.

2. Contemplative Presence

A therapist's intuition is maximized through what AEDP calls "contemplative presence". This requires a specific state of mind and body:

• Micro-Tracking: The AEDP therapist mentally tracks the client's verbal and non-verbal communication while simultaneously tracking her own internal emotional and embodied responses.

AEDP and Clinical Intuition

• Mind Emptying: The therapist empties her mind to remain completely open to whatever happens in the here-and-now.

• Mindful Awareness: The therapist roots her body with mindful breathing and physical presence to clear a space for intuitive insights.

3. Awakening the Client's Inner Knowing

The AEDP therapist helps client's to tap into their own intuition:

• Trauma and chronic distress often causes clients to disconnect from their bodies and second-guess their feelings. 

AEDP and Clinical Intuition

• By asking somatic awareness questions like, "Where do you feel that in your body?", the therapist co-regulates the client's anxiety and other emotions that might be getting in the way of their knowing what they are feeling.

• This allows the clients to access their innate drive to heal, which AEDP calls "transformance". With this process, clients regain their own intuitive sense of what feels healthy, authentic or "off" in their choices and relationships.

Summary of Differences Between AEDP and Traditional Talk Therapy

Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy and traditional talk therapy have important fundamental differences:

Dimension

• Traditional Talk Therapy: Left-brain: Intellectual insight, rational analysis and narrative focus
• AEDP: Right brain: Intuitive focus, somatic tracking and emotional resonance

Therapist's Stance

• Traditional Talk Therapy: Neutral, observant, objective and technique-driven
• AEDP: Explicitly engaged, emotionally authentic and intuitively responsive

Sequence of Healing

• Traditional Talk Therapy: A reliance on insight and logic for changes in behavior and emotion
• AEDP: Somatic, intuitive emotional transformation occurs first and insight follows (see my article: Healing From the Inside Out: Why Intellectual Insight Isn't Enough).

Getting Help in AEDP Therapy

Instead of struggling on your own, you could benefit from working with an AEDP therapist.

When you work through unresolved problems, you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist who integrates many different types of Experiential Therapies to help clients to heal from trauma and emotional distress, including: 

• AEDP
• IFS
• EMDR, 
• Somatic Experiencing, 
• EFT for Couples
• Hypnotherapy

I am also a Certified Sex Therapist for individual adults and couples.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

I provide a 10-15 minute phone call prior to setting up the first appointment.

You can reach me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

How Does AEDP Work? 

How Does AEDP Process Emotions?

How Does Imagery and Imagination Enhance AEDP?

Riding the Waves of Transformation

What Lessons Can We Learn From the Greek Myth About Tantalus?

If you have been reading my blog, you probably realize that I really love Greek mythology and the Homeric tales (see links to article below).

What is the Myth of Tantalus?

The myth of Tantalus is a famous myth about a Greek king who abused his relationships with the gods of Mount Olympus which resulted in his eternal punishment in Tartarus.

Lessons to Be Learned From Myth About Tantalus

His story is the direct origin of the word "tantalize" which describes the torture of being teased with something you can see but you can never reach or touch.

Before he lost favor with the gods, Tantalus was the demigod son of Zeus. Early on, he was favored by the gods and invited to dine with them on Mount Olympus. However, Tantalus had excessive pride and arrogance as well as being overly confident in himself and his hubris led to his downfall.

Tantalus betrayed the gods through a series of escalating crimes:

Tantalus' Crimes

• Stealing Immortality: He stole the food of the gods, nectar and ambrosia, to give to mortals so they could become immortal.

• Betraying Secrets: He gossiped and betrayed sacred secrets that he learned while dining on Olympus.

• The Ultimate Sin: To test whether the gods really knew everything, Tantalus murdered his own son, Pelops, chopped him up, cooked him into a stew and served it to the gods at a banquet.

Most of the gods immediately recognized that the stew had human flesh and refused to eat it--except Demeter, who was so upset and distracted by the loss of her daughter, Persephone, that she ate part of it.

Zeus Punishes Tantalus

Enraged by Tantalus' actions, Zeus cast him into the deep abyss of Tartarus where he was forced to stand in a pool of fresh water up to his neck. Whenever he bent down to drink the water, he was unable to drink even one drop because the water receded into the earth leaving him always parched.

Another part of his punishment was that delicious fruit hung over his head, but whenever he reached up to take a piece, a strong wind blew the branches just out of his grasp.

In some versions of the myth, a huge stone was balanced precariously over his head which left him in a constant state of terror of being crushed.

In the aftermath of Tantalus' punishment, the gods revived his son, but the actions of Tantalus cast a shadow and a curse on future generations in his descendants, known as the House of Atreus. One of his descendants was Agamemnon who is an important character in the Homeric tales, The Iliad and The Odyssey.

What Can We Learn From the Greek Myth About Tantalus?

The myth of Tantalus serves as a powerful psychological and moral allegory. It offers three important lessons about human behavior and ethics:

1. Beware of Hubris

• The Lesson: Privilege does not place you above moral laws.

• The Context: Tantalus was welcomed as a peer among the gods, but he allowed his status to breed destructive arrogance.

• Modern Parallel: Powerful leaders or individuals who believe their status exempts them from the laws often face catastrophic downfalls.

2. Guard Against Insatiable Craving

• The Lesson: Tracing endless validation or greed can create permanent psychological torment.

• The Context: Tantalus' punishment mirrors his life of endless, ungrateful wanting.

• Modern Parallel: The "hedonic treadmill", where achieving a goal only causes someone to immediately obsess over the next desire, will only lead to perpetual dissatisfaction.

3. Trust and Boundaries Are Sacred

• The Lesson: Betraying core relationships and foundational ethics destroys your future.

• The Context: Tantalus betrayed the ultimate Greek law of hospitality, Xenia, by stealing from his hosts. He also betrayed the ultimate law of nature by sacrificing his own child for a petty test.

• Modern Parallel: Breaking fundamental trust in relationships and communities can trigger a toxic chain reaction that damages families for generations.

What is the Connection to Modern Psychology?

The myth of Tantalus connects deeply to modern psychology, particularly in how it illustrates the problems with constant craving and chronic dissatisfaction.

Modern psychology uses the myth of Tantalus to explain the human mind:

The Hedonic Treadmill

• The Concept: Humans quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive or negative consequences in their life.

Hedonic Treadmill

• The Connection: Just like Tantalus reaching for fruit that immediately blew away, people often chase a promotion, a luxury item or status because they believe it will bring them permanent satisfaction. But once they get what they want, the thrill vanishes and leaves them craving more (see my article: Why Chasing Happiness Doesn't Work).

The Psychology of Craving

• The Concept: Modern neuroscience distinguishes "wanting" (craving) from "liking" (pleasure).

• The Connection: Tantalus represents unadulterated craving without the possibility of pleasure. In situations like this, the brain is trapped in a state of intense, agonizing craving, but once a person gets what he craves, it does not bring pleasure. Instead, it creates a self-perpetuating loop of torment.

4. Frustration Aggression Theory

• The Concept: Psychological distress escalates rapidly when a highly anticipated goal is blocked just before completion.

• The Connection: Tantalus isn't just starving--he's tantalized. The psychological torture comes from proximity. Modern studies reveal that being so close to a reward and losing it triggers much more anger and stress than being nowhere near it at all.

5. Intergenerational Trauma

• The Concept: Unresolved trauma, toxic behaviors and psychological patterns in parents are often passed down to damage future generations (see my article: What is Intergenerational Trauma?).

• The Connection: Tantalus sacrificed his son. This horrific act sparked a curse that plagued his children and grandchildren (the House of Atreus) for generations. Psychotherapists see this as an early literary representation of how familial abuse perpetuates itself until someone actively breaks the cycle and gets help in therapy.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, IFS Parts Work, EFT couples therapist, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

I provide a free 10-15 minute phone call before setting up a first appointment.

You can reach me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or you can email me.

 

Also See My Articles:

How Can Reading The Odyssey Foster Psychological Development? 

How Can the Hero's Journey Help You With Big Problems in Your Life? 

The Psychological Benefits of Reading Literature

The Power of Storytelling 

 

What is the Step By Step IFS Therapy Process?

In my last article, Healing Perfectionism With IFS Therapy, I began a discussion about perfectionism and IFS therapy.

In the current article, I'm discussing the step-by-step process of IFS healing perfectionism.

Although I'm focusing on perfectionism, the IFS process for healing is the same for other problems including anxiety, depression and trauma as well as other mental health issues.

Healing Perfectionism With IFS Therapy

Instead of trying to force you to eliminate parts of yourself, IFS helps you to understand, communicate with and untangle these parts. 

This allows your Core Self, which is also known as your true self, to lead a life with compassion and balance (see my article: How Does IFS Therapy Help You to Discover Your True Self?).

How Does IFS Therapy Help With Perfectionism?

As I have mentioned in my prior article, IFS is an gentle, evidence-based therapy that is effective for overcoming most mental health issues.

IFS Therapy and Perfectionism

From the IFS therapy perspective, perfectionism is driven by certain parts of the personality that include three different categories:

• Proactive Protectors ("Managers"): These protectors include the perfectionist and inner critic parts. The perfectionist part sets unreasonably high standards and the inner critic micromanages your behavior. Their goal is to ensure that you behave flawlessly so you never have to experience failure or judgment. The overall goal of proactive parts is to protect you from your wounded inner child (see below).

• Reactive Protectors ("Firefighters"): When the proactive protectors inevitably fail to live up to the "perfect" standards and the wounded parts of yourself get triggered, the firefighters, who are reactive protectors, step in to numb the pain. This might include sudden procrastination, drinking or drugging excessively, constant scrolling on your phone and so on--anything that numbs the pain. The reactive part's goal is also to protect the wounded inner child (see below).

• The Vulnerable Wounded Inner Child ("Exile"): This is the hidden part of your personality that carries the emotional wounds from the past. This part carries feelings of inadequacy, shame or the belief that you are only lovable when you succeed. The proactive and reactive parts work relentless to keep these wounded part buried so you don't feel the emotional pain. 

How Do These Parts Develop?

These parts don't just develop out of nowhere.

Childhood Wounded Parts 

They develop as survival strategies in response to your childhood, environment or cultural conditioning.

According to Dr. Richard Schwartz, who developed IFS therapy, parts are naturally healthy before they take on the burden of survival strategies. 

As I will explain below, the goal of IFS therapy is to help these parts to let go of their rigid, exhausting roles so they can take on new healthy roles.

What is the Step-By-Step Healing Process in IFS For Perfectionism?

IFS therapy has a step-by-step healing process:

• Stepping Back From Your Perfectionist and Inner Critic Parts: This is called "unblending" in IFS. From an IFS perspective, when you are "blended" or enmeshed with these parts, you believe that they are your entire identity instead of just a part of you. An IFS trained therapist can help you to create space between your CORE SELF, also known as your true identity, and your proactive parts. This space allows you to observe these parts rather than being consumed by them.

• Discovering the Positive Intent of the Perfectionist and Inner Critic Parts: IFS therapy operates from the premise that there are "no bad parts", which means that every part has a positive intention. So, instead of fighting with the perfectionist and inner critic parts, you can approach them with curiosity and compassion. With the help of your IFS therapist, you learn to have an internal dialogue with these parts and you ask them what they think would happen if they stopped pushing you. The perfectionist and inner critic parts frequently respond that they are afraid if they didn't push you, you would get hurt again by being abandoned or rejected as you were in the past. In other words, the parts are trying to protect you in the only way they know how--by demanding perfection and criticizing you when, inevitably, you don't achieve perfection.

• Accessing the Calm and Compassionate Core Self: By experiencing a separation from these parts, you can gain access to your calm and compassionate Core Self. When you treat the parts with calm and compassion, instead of frustration and anger, their protective grip usually begins to soften.

• Healing the Underlying Emotional Wound ("The Unburdening Process"): Once the perfectionist and inner critic parts trust that your Core Self can handle things, they allow you and your IFS therapist to safely access the wounded part of yourself. At that point, your Core Self can comfort the inner child, witness its past pain, and help it to release ("unburden") the deeply held belief that its worth depends on being perfect. 

• Assigning New Roles to the Perfectionist and Inner Critic Parts: In IFS therapy, healing these parts doesn't mean losing your drive or ambition. It means that once the underlying fear is resolved, the perfectionist and critical parts are freed from their exhausting "guard duty". At that point, they can transition into healthy new roles, such as being a detail-oriented ally, an organizer or a source of joyful creativity without ruling your sense of self worth.

Get Help in IFS Therapy

As previously mentioned, IFS therapy is a gentle, evidence based therapy.

Get Help in IFS Therapy

If you have been unable to resolve your problems on your own, you could benefit from working with an IFS therapist to have a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, IFS, Somatic Experiencing, EFT couples therapist and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

I provide a free 10-15 minute phone call before setting up an appointment.

You can reach me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or  email me.

Also See My Articles:

How Are Emotions Processed in IFS Therapy? 

Understanding Your Protector Parts From an IFS Therapy Perspective

What is the Connection Between IFS Therapy and Neural Networks?

Healing Perfectionism With IFS Therapy

In my prior article, Journal Prompts to Cope With Perfectionism, I began a discussion about perfectionism.

In the current article, I'm discussing perfectionism from an IFS therapy perspective (see my article: IFS is a Gentle, Evidence Based Therapy).

Healing Perfectionism With IFS Therapy

In the next article, I'll discuss how IFS Therapy can help with overcoming perfectionism.

How Do Defensive Parts Develop?

From an IFS therapy perspective, defensive parts usually develop at an early age.

In IFS these parts are known as proactive and reactive parts.

When you're faced with trauma or adversity, some of the internal parts of yourself are forced to take on extreme, rigid roles to protect you from pain. This usually occurs when you have had experiences as a child of rejection, failure, loneliness, conditional love, abuse or childhood emotional neglect.

The Core Self: 

From an IFS perspective, the Core Self is not a part. 

Everyone is born with a Core Self and a natural ability to heal. However, when there is childhood trauma, the Core Self can get blended with your defensive parts (both proactive and reactive parts). That can make it difficult to access the Core Self. 

Your IFS therapist can help you to discover your Core Self which helps with the healing process (see below for explanations about the proactive and reactive/defensive parts).

The Core Self and the 8 Cs

The Core Self is composed of the 8 Cs:

• Curiosity: Wanting to learn about your thoughts and feelings without judgment
• Compassion: Feeling kind towards your inner struggles
• Calm: Feeling steady and peaceful inside--even during rough times
• Clarity: Seeing your situation clearly without emotional fog
• Courage: Feeling able to face hard truths and uncomfortable emotions
• Confidence: Trusting that you can handle what comes your way
• Creativity: Opening up to new ideas and flexible ways of thinking
• Connectedness: Feeling a deep sense of belonging within yourself and with others

The Wounded and Defensive Parts:

This is the usual sequence of how wounded and defensive parts develop and how IFS healing process:

• 1. The Wounded Child Develops First During Childhood Trauma: Before the proactive or reactive parts develop, a vulnerable child part is wounded. The vulnerable child part is not a proactive or reactive part. It's the part that holds the trauma. As an example, a child might be rejected, yelled at or abused by a parent when she gets a bad grade at school. The child internalizes the parent's attitude towards her and believes "I'm unlovable" or "I'm powerless". In order to survive, the child's system buries the memory and painful emotion deep inside, which creates the exiled wounded child part.

• 2. The Perfectionist Part Steps Up to Prevent Pain (Proactive Part): Once the wounded part is buried, the internal system realizes it can never allow the wounded part to be triggered or exposed again. The proactive part emerges to police your life and prevent future pain before it can happen again. This part's strategy is, "If I can be perfect and never make mistakes, no one can ever reject or hurt me again."  This part takes over your consciousness and establishes impossibly high standards. This might work reasonably well for you as a child and you get praise from relatives and teachers, which reinforces this survival strategy. 

• 3. The Inner Critic Develops a Preemptive Shield: As life becomes more complex, maintaining 100% perfection becomes impossible. To protect you from the crushing blow of external judgment, a harsher manager called the inner critic, develops after the perfectionist develops. The inner critic believes that beating you up first (before you get external criticism) provides a safe shield. The inner critic's logic is, "If I criticize you for being lazy or messy before anyone else notices, I'll force you to fix it before others are able to hurt you." The inner critic often adopts the same words, attitude and tone of the critical authority figures from your past (parents, teachers and critical others). The inner critic learned that those voices are what define "safety" and "correctness".

• 4. The Parts Freeze in Time: The primary reason why these parts continue to be problems is that they are frozen in the past. Your perfectionist and critical parts often don't know that you are no longer child. They still believe you are that fragile child that couldn't survive without them.  

• 5. The Parts Take on Healthy Roles: As part of IFS therapy, you learn to have a dialogue and a relationship with these parts of yourself to help them to understand that you now have adult resilience.  As you develop a trusting relationship with these parts, they usually realize for the first time that you are no longer a fragile child that needs protection and they can relax instead of staying in exhausting roles. This allows them to take on healthy functions. For instance, instead of obsessively criticizing and striving for perfection, they might encourage you with a sense of healthy motivation.

Conclusion

For the sake of simplicity, I have described an inner world that has one wounded part, one proactive defensive part and one reactive defensive part. 

In reality, there are usually many wounded, proactive and reactive parts to heal.

Although I have focused on perfectionism, the IFS step-by-step process is the same for any other problem.

In my next article, I'll discuss how IFS therapy works to heal perfectionism.

Get Help in IFS Therapy

If you have been trying without success to work through your problems, you could benefit from working with an IFS therapist.

Get Help in IFS Therapy

IFS therapy can help you to heal your problems so you can be live a more fulfilling life free from your traumatic history.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, IFS, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

Over the years I have helped many individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

I provide a 10-15 minute free phone call before setting up an appointment.

You can reach me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or you can email me.

Also See My Articles:

What is Somatic IFS? 

How Does IFS Therapy Help You to Understand Yourself? 

How Can IFS Therapy Help With Anxiety? 

Overcoming Childhood Trauma With the Ideal Parents Protocol

The Ideal Parents Protocol was originally developed by Alfred Pesso and Diane Boyden-Pesso in 1964 as part of their body-based psychomotor therapy (PBSP). 

Alfred Pesso taught his protocol at Harvard University where, decades later, Dr. Daniel Brown, a psychologist and hypnotherapist, adapted Pesso's concepts.

The Ideal Parents Protocol in Therapy

Although PBSP used group dynamics and physical touch, Dr. Brown changed the Ideal Parents Protocol into a solitary internal guided visualization process with no therapist touch involved in 2016 (see my article: How Can Visualization Transform Your Life?).

I learned the Ideal Parents Protocol from a PBSP colleague as well as in my advanced clinical hypnosis training about 20 years ago.

How Does the Ideal Parents Protocol Help Adult Psychotherapy Clients?

The Ideal Parents Protocol helps adult clients who were abused or neglected as children by their real parents. The protocol rewires their internal template of relationships by creating new imaginary memories of secure attachment.

The Ideal Parents Protocol in Therapy

The brain processes vivid, emotionally resonant imagination using the same neural pathways as real-world experiences. 

By visualizing Ideal Parents who satisfied childhood emotional needs, the adult brain constructs a new, positive blueprint for safety and connection.

The protocol can reverse the damage of childhood emotional neglect and abuse through five mechanisms:

• 1. Neutralizing Hypervigliance (Providing Safety and Protection): Abused and neglected children live in a chronic state of fight-or-flight because their caregivers were the source of developmental trauma.

• The Healing Mechanism: In the visualization, the client imagines parents who are safe, protective and non-threatening. Experiencing this imagined safety allows the adult's nervous system to let go of chronic survival strategies so they can learn what true safety and relaxation feel like.

• 2. Filling the Emotional "Empty Well" (Providing Nurturance): Emotionally neglected and abused children feel unseen, emotionally empty, unlovable and lonely because no one responded to their emotional distress.

• The Healing Mechanism: The adult client imagines parents who offer unconditional warmth and love as well as physical and emotional comfort. This targeted visualization acts like an emotional "time machine", filling in the gaps of emotional neglect and healing a history of abuse. It also helps the adult to develop self compassion and a sense of inherent self worth.

• 3. Validating Inner Reality (Providing Attunement): Abusive and neglectful parents often dismiss, minimize or gaslight a child's feelings. This teaches the child to ignore their own emotions and intuition.

• The Healing Mechanism: The Ideal Parents in the protocol are completely attuned.  They can read the client's facial expressions, voice and body language. They mirror and validate the client's feelings. This teaches the client to trust their own emotional reality.

• 4. Overcoming the Feeling of Being a Burden: Abused and neglected children usually feel their emotional and physical needs are an annoying burden to their parents. 

• The Healing Mechanism: The protocol guides the client to visualize parents who are delighted by the client's presence. The Ideal Parents express joy by just being around the client. This directly targets the adult's core shame of "taking up too much space" or being "needy". 

• 5. Building a Foundation For Independence: While abusive parents often control or sabotage a child's emotional and psychological growth, neglectful parents ignore the client's growth completely. This often leaves the adult afraid to take risks or to succeed.

• The Healing Mechanism: The client visualizes parents who are enthusiastic in encouraging the client to explore, achieve milestones and develop independence. This can instill a deep, internal sense of security, allowing the adult to confidently pursue career goals, hobbies and healthy adult relationships in the real world.

Conclusion

The Ideal Parents Protocol can provide a powerful healing experience.

Although the Ideal Parents Protocol cannot change a client's history, it can heal the emotional pain from the past by providing a client with the corrective emotional experience they deserve.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you have been struggling with unresolved childhood trauma, rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who includes the Ideal Parents Protocol among her trauma therapy modalities.

Get Help in Therapy

When you have freed yourself from your traumatic past, you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, IFS Parts Work, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples with the Ideal Parents Protocol and other modalities in trauma therapy.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

I provide a free 10-15 minute phone call before setting up the first appointment.

You can reach at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email.

Also See My Articles

Using Your Imagination as a Powerful Tool For Change

Using the Mind-Body Connection to Create a Vision of What You Want 

How Can Imaginal Interweaves Heal Trauma?

What is the Approach-Avoidance Conflict in Psychotherapy and How Can IFS Therapy Help?

In my prior article, Why Are So Many of Us Fearful of Change While Others Embrace It?, I mentioned the approach-avoidance conflict as it relates to making changes.

The Approach-Avoidance Conflict

In the current article, I'm focusing on the approach-avoidance conflict as it relates to many clients in therapy.

What is the Approach-Avoidance Conflict in Therapy?

As I mentioned in the prior article, although many people want to make positive changes in their life, they often experience ambivalence about the change--even when it's something they really want.

As a New York psychotherapist in private practice, I see this all the time.

Since it's a common experience, if you learn to expect it, you can learn to accept and deal with that part of yourself that might want to avoid positive change.

So, let's explore this dynamic further.

In psychotherapy, the approach-avoidance conflict is a psychological state of tension that occurs when a client is simultaneously drawn towards and repelled by the exact same goal, action or dynamic.

The approach-avoidance conflict was originally introduced by Kurt Lewin, a psychologist, who described this dynamic as a "tug of war". 

This dynamic is key to understanding why at a certain stage of therapy many clients experience anxiety and stagnation about the changes they want to make.  

What is the Typical Pattern For the Approach-Avoidance Conflict in Therapy?

This conflict often operates on a predictable pattern based on how close clients are to their goal:

• The Approach to a Goal: When clients are far away from a goal, they can see the positive benefits of their goal ("the approach"). This motivates them to move forward.

• The Avoidance of a Goal: As clients move emotionally or physically closer to the goal, many of them begin to perceive negative consequences or fears ("the avoidance") which grows sharply the closer they get to their goal.

• The Point of Stagnation: Eventually, the force of the avoidance equals the force of the approach. At that point, these clients can get stuck as they experience anxiety, indecision or behavioral paralysis.

What Are the Clinical Scenarios Where the Approach-Avoidance Conflict Shows Up in Therapy?

Here are some typical examples:

Intimacy and Relationships:

• The Approach (Pull or Desire): Craving deep emotional connection and a loving relationship.

The Approach-Avoidance Conflict in Therapy

• The Avoidance (Fear): Fear of vulnerability, rejection or losing independence.

• Resulting Behavior: Sabotaging relationships just as they become serious.

Trauma Processing:

• The Approach (Pull or Desire): Wanting to heal, gain closure and reduce traumatic symptoms.

The Approach-Avoidance Conflict in Trauma Therapy

• The Avoidance (Fear): Fear of exploring traumatic memories and emotions.

• Resulting Behavior: Missing sessions or leaving therapy prematurely as the trauma work begins.

Career Change:

• The Approach (Pull or Desire): Desiring a fulfilling, high-paying and prestigious position.

• The Avoidance (Fear): Fear of failure, longer work hours or more responsibilities.

• Resulting Behavior: Procrastination in submitting a job application or applying for a promotion.

Behavioral Change

• The Approach (Pull or Desire): Wanting a healthier body and stable life.

The Approach-Avoidance Conflict and Behavioral Change

• The Avoidance (Fear): Fear of facing reality the necessary changes involved.

• Resulting Behavior: Reverting back to unhealthy behavior, missing sessions or dropping out of therapy prematurely.

How Does IFS Therapy Deal With the Approach-Avoidance Conflict?

IFS (Internal Family Systems) Therapy is uniquely suited for this dynamic (see my article: IFS Therapy is a Gentle Evidence-Based Therapy).

IFS Therapy and the Approach-Avoidance Conflict

The IFS therapist deals with the approach-avoidance conflict by recognizing that clients who experience this dynamic have a clash between two or more parts of themselves.

Instead of trying to push through the conflict, the IFS therapist helps clients to overcome this dilemma by identifying clients' internal parts and identifying the positive intentions of each of the conflicting parts. She also helps clients to negotiate between these conflicting parts.

What is the IFS Therapy Framework For the Approach-Avoidance Conflict?

In IFS, the "approach" and "avoidance" aspects of clients are seen as separate parts of the client who have good intentions. There is a recognition that these conflicting parts have served the client in the past by protecting old emotional wounds:

• The Approach Part: This is usually an internal proactive protective part. This part wants to move forward, achieve goals or seek connection because doing so will bring safety, fulfillment or a sense of increased self worth.

IFS Therapy and the Approach-Avoidance Conflict

• The Avoidance Part: This is usually a reactive protective part. It stops progress because it senses danger. It fears that moving forward will trigger an old emotional wound, shame or trauma from the past.

What is the IFS Therapy Step-By-Step Process For Resolving Internal Conflict?

The IFS therapist will guide the client through the following process to overcome the client's behavioral conflict:

Differentiating the Internal Parts: Instead of saying, "I want to change, but I can't", the therapist helps the client to reframe it: "A part of me wants very much to move forward, and another part of me is terrified to do it." In addition, the therapist helps the client to discover and embody Core Self, which is the compassionate and curious part of the client. This enables the client to look at both of these internal parts without taking sides.

• Honoring The Avoidant Part (The Protector): Traditional psychotherapy often wants to override the client's avoidance. IFS does the opposite: It focuses on the avoidant part first. The IFS therapist asks the client to get curious about the avoidant part by asking: "How is this part protecting you?" and "How did it protect you in the past?". Also, "What is this part afraid will happen if you take this step?" By validating that the avoidant part has a positive intention (e.g., protecting the client from rejection, failure or an old emotional wound), the protecting part usually loosens its grip. This usually doesn't happen immediately because the avoidant part must first learn to trust the Core Self of the client as well as the intention of the therapist.

IFS Therapy and the Approach-Avoidance Conflict

• Facilitating Internal Negotiation: Once each of the conflicting parts feels heard and seen by the client's Core Self and the therapist, the therapist helps the client to invite these parts to talk to each other. The Core Self might ask the avoidant part, "If I promise to go very slowly and protect you, would you be willing to allow the approach part to take a small step?" Since this protective/avoidant part is no longer being resisted or ignored, it usually agrees to soften or step aside temporarily.

• Working With the Wounded Part: Ultimately, the avoidant part is hypervigilant because it's protecting the wounded part of the client. Once this protector feels safe enough to step aside, the IFS therapist guides the Core Self to witness, work through the original trauma and heal. When the underlying emotional pain and trauma have been resolved, the avoidant/protector part usually drops the avoidant behavior because the underlying danger no longer exists.

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette illustrates how the approach-avoidance conflict is overcome in IFS therapy:

John

When John met Donna, he felt a strong attraction to her and he asked her to go out on a date.

As they got to know each other, they both enjoyed each other's company and the new relationship energy that comes with being in a new relationship.

A few months later, as the relationship became more serious, Donna wanted a commitment from John but, even though he knew he loved Donna, he felt himself pulling away from her and he didn't understand what was happening to him.

At that point, Donna's friends told her she should end the relationship because they thought John was a "commitment-phobe".  But Donna felt John was struggling with some kind of internal conflict and she wanted to give him a chance to overcome the conflict, so she suggested that he get help in therapy.

IFS Therapy and the Approach-Avoidance Conflict

Since John also wanted to understand why he felt so conflicted about making a commitment with Donna, he started therapy with an IFS therapist.

John had never heard of IFS therapy, but he was curious as to how it might help him to overcome his internal conflict.

Over time, as they explored John's family history, they discovered that John had an unresolved trauma related to his mother's anxiety and depression. When he was a child, John felt he was unlovable because his mother was emotionally distant and his father was often away on business.

With the help of his therapist, John realized that this old emotional wound was making him feel emotionally vulnerable with Donna in a way where a part of him wanted to escape the relationship, but another part of him wanted to remain, which reflected his ambivalence.

The work in therapy was neither quick nor easy, but John was motivated to work through his internal conflict about making a commitment to Donna. With the help of his therapist, he was able to see the good intention of the avoidant part of him and how it protected him in the past when he was a child.

His therapist guided John into feeling curious and compassionate towards this avoidant/protector part so that, eventually, it softened enough so he and his therapist could work on his traumatized wounded child part.

Over time, John was gradually able to let go of his fear because he had an embodied sense that, unlike when he was a child, he was now safe and more capable of being in a committed relationship with Donna.

Once he was freed from his traumatic history, John made a commitment to Donna and they moved in together with the eventual goal of getting married.

Conclusion

Although many people want to make positive changes in their life, they often experience an ambivalence about the change as the change becomes more of a reality--even when it's something they really want.

In psychotherapy, the approach-avoidance conflict is a common psychological state of tension that occurs when a client is simultaneously drawn towards and repelled by the exact same goal, action or dynamic.

This is a common experience in therapy. 

In traditional psychotherapy, therapists often try to push through the ambivalence, which can make a client feel even more ambivalent, so this usually doesn't work.

An IFS therapist recognizes that we all have many different internal parts and some of these parts are polarized so they are in opposition to each other. They also recognize that this is often outside a client's awareness, so they reach for the ambivalence so it can be worked on.

IFS therapy is ideally suited for dealing with the approach-avoidance conflict.

Get Help in IFS Therapy

If you are stuck in an approach-avoidance dilemma, rather than struggling on your own, you could benefit from working with an IFS therapist.

Get Help in IFS Therapy

Being able to work through the conflict provides you with an opportunity to live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, IFS Parts Work Therapist, EFT Couples Therapist, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

I provide a free 10-15 minute telephone call before setting up an appointment.

You can contact me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or you can email me.

Also See My Articles:

Fear of Change 

Overcoming Recurring Patterns of Self Sabotaging Behavior 

Strategies For Making Major Changes in Your Life 

What is Somatic IFS?