What Are the Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions?

As a psychotherapist, I work with individual adults and couples to help them to experience and express their emotions in healthy ways.

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

What Are the Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions?

The following are some of the benefits of allowing yourself to experience your emotions:

• Increased Self Awareness: Emotions offer a guide to important information about your needs, experiences and triggers. When you allow yourself to experience your emotions, you gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

• Better Mental Health: Suppressing emotions can contribute to stress, anxiety and depression. Also, when you suppress uncomfortable emotions, these emotions tend to come back in a stronger way. So, suppressing emotions makes the experience worse. Experiencing emotions can help to ease stress, anxiety and depression.

• Increased Confidence: Expressing your emotions is a vulnerable act which takes courage. By being courageous and expressing yourself, you can increase your confidence.

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

• A More Balanced Perspective: People who express their emotions in a healthy way tend to have a more balanced perspective.

• Better Physical Health: Suppressing emotions can have a negative impact on your immune system and cardiovascular system. In addition, experiencing emotions can help to improve your overall physical health.

• A Deeper Connection in Your Relationship: Openly expressing emotions in a healthy way can help to increase emotional vulnerability, which can help you and your partner to deepen your connection. This can lead to a stronger, more meaningful relationship (see my article: Learning to Embrace Your Emotional Vulnerability).

• Improved Communication: Sharing your emotions in a healthy way provides clarity and context making it easier for you to express your needs and build empathy.

• Increased Trust: Emotional authenticity can help to increase trust in your relationships.

How Can Therapy Help You to Identify and Express Your Emotions?

As a psychotherapist, I work in an experiential way (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Regular Talk Therapy?).

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

Many of us weren't taught to identify and expression emotions. On the contrary, some of us were actively discouraged from expressing emotions which gives the message that emotions are dangerous (see my article: How Experiential Psychotherapy Can Facilitate Emotional Development in Adult Clients).

The reality is that everyone experiences emotions and, as mentioned above, there are many benefits to experiencing and expressing your emotions.

Psychotherapy with a therapist who works in an experiential way provides the following benefits:

• A Confidential and Nonjudgmental Environment: Being able to identify and express your emotions in a confidential and nonjudgmental environment is essential for emotional healing (see my article: The Holding Environment: Maintaining a Safe Environment For the Client).

• Attuned and Compassionate Listening: A therapist who works in an experiential way attunes to her clients and listens with compassion. She also validates your emotions which allows you to be more emotionally vulnerable and deepen your understanding of yourself (see my article: The Healing Potential of the Therapist's Empathic Attunement).

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

• Help to Identify Suppressed Emotions: Experiential therapists can help you to understand emotions you have been suppressing, possibly for a lifetime, so you can become more self aware (see my article: How to Manage Your Emotions Without Suppressing Them).

• Improved Emotional Vocabulary: If you had to suppress certain emotions in your family of origin, you might not have developed the necessary vocabulary to express yourself. Developing emotional vocabulary can increase your confidence.

• Improved Coping and Emotional Regulation Skills: An experiential therapist can help you to learn better coping skills and emotional regulation by helping you to develop tools and strategies. This tools include:

• Breathing exercises
  

• Mindfulness practices
  

• Grounding exercises

• Increased Awareness of Emotional Patterns: An experiential therapist can help you to become more aware of your recurring emotional patterns. When you have developed self awareness about these patterns, you can develop the necessary skills to make changes.

What Are Experiential Therapies?

The following are some of the experiential therapies that I use in my private practice:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy)

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

• Somatic Experiencing

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)

• Clinical Hypnosis (also known as Hypnotherapy)

• Parts Work Therapy (IFS and Ego States Therapy)

Getting Help in Experiential Therapy

Whether you want to work on developing emotional intelligence or overcoming unresolved trauma, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who is an experiential psychotherapist.

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

A skilled experiential therapist can help you to develop the skills and strategies you need.

Rather than struggling alone, seek help in experiential therapy so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (couples therapist), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What is the Connection Between Anxiety and Depression?

Although anxiety and depression often look different, they're more closely connected than most people think (see my article: What is the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety?)

The Connection Between Anxiety and Depression

While anxiety is usually considered a high energy state, depression is usually perceived as a low energy state. 

Even though they appear to be different, it's not unusual for a person with depression to also experience anxiety, including panic attacks, and vice versa.

How Are Anxiety and Depression Connected?

Anxiety is more than just common worry and nervousness. 

Anxiety can cause debilitating fear beyond what most people might experience.  

People who experience debilitating anxiety usually know that many of their anxious thoughts aren't rational, but they might not be able to stop these thoughts. 

Over time, this constant sense of dread can lead to depression.

What is the Cycle Between Anxiety and Depression?

When people feel highly anxious and they're unable to overcome or control their anxious thoughts, they often feel they have failed, which can lead to depression (see my article: Looking Happy on the Outside But Feeling Broken on the Inside).

The typical cycle between anxiety and depression can include one or more of the following:

• The chance of becoming depressed is much higher if you're already grappling with anxiety. About 50% of people who suffer with major depression also suffer from debilitating anxiety.

• Anxiety and depression can trigger each other.

The Connection Between Anxiety and Depression

• People who have unresolved trauma including PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder) are prone to depression.

• Many people have a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression so that, without therapy, these conditions are passed on from one generation to the next. This includes intergenerational trauma.

What Are the Signs of a Combination of Anxiety and Depression?

Symptoms of anxiety and depression include (but are not limited to):

• Persistent irrational fears and worries

• Feeling helpless or powerless

• Feeling hopeless

• Difficulty falling and staying asleep

• Feeling tired and irritable

The Connection Between Anxiety and Depression

• Changes in eating habits including overeating or eating too little

• Memory problems

• Difficulty making decisions

• Problems concentrating

• Loss of interest in former activities or hobbies

• Problems relaxing

• Problems with being in the moment

• Suffering with panic attacks

Getting Help in Therapy to Overcome Anxiety and Depression

There are many different types of therapy to overcome anxiety and depression.

If your anxiety and depression are rooted in unresolved trauma, Experiential Therapy is safer and more effective than regular talk therapy (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Talk Therapy to Overcome Trauma).

Getting Help in Therapy For Anxiety and Depression

Experiential Therapy includes therapy modalities that work due to the mind-body connection (see my article: Experiential Therapy and the Mind-Body Connection: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

Experiential therapy includes the following types of therapy:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy

• Somatic Experiencing
  

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)

• Parts Work including IFS (Internal Family Systems) and Ego States Therapy

• Clinical Hypnosis (also known as Hypnotherapy)
  

Instead of struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who can help you overcome anxiety and depression so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients to overcome anxiety and depression, including problems related to unresolved trauma (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How Does Trauma Therapy Work?

Trauma therapy is a form of experiential talk therapy that works due to the mind-body connection. 

The experiential aspect of trauma therapy is related to the mind-body connection where you're not just talking about what you think in an intellectual way--you're also experiencing your thoughts and feelings in an embodied way.

    See my articles: 

The Mind-Body Connection: The Body Provides a Window Into the Unconscious Mind

Why Experiential Therapy is More Effective Than Regular Talk Therapy to Overcome Trauma)

How Trauma Therapy Works

What Type of Issues Are Processed in Trauma Therapy?

Trauma therapy helps clients to process unresolved trauma including (but not limited to):

• Childhood Emotional Neglect and Other Types of Childhood Trauma

• A History of Sexual Abuse
  

• A History of Physical Abuse

• A History of Emotional or Psychological Abuse

• A History of Traumatic Relationships 

• Traumatic Grief
  

• Shock Trauma: One-time events that were traumatic like natural disasters, getting robbed and so on

• Combat Trauma

• Other Traumatic Experiences including a history of experiencing bullying, emotional and verbal abuse to name just a few issues that clients work on in trauma therapy.

How Does Trauma Therapy Work?

When a person experiences trauma, it triggers heightened activation in the part of the brain called the amydala.

    

    See my article: How Trauma Therapy Can Help You to Overcome Unresolved Trauma

The amydala processes emotions and memory processing (see my article: Trauma and the Triune Brain).

Trauma and the Brain

The amydala can be slow to process trauma. This often leads to activation with regard to everyday stimuli including loud noises, scents, certain visual cues and other triggers which are specific for each person.

This activation can occur even when people haven't developed PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder) symptoms.

Trauma therapy helps clients to reprocess unresolved trauma in a way that is safe and effective without being retraumatizing.

Trauma therapists have advanced training and skills in one or more types of trauma therapy. 

Due to their training and skills, trauma therapists know how to help clients to process trauma without retraumatizing them.

Not all therapists have trauma therapy training so it's important to ask any therapist you contact about their training, skills and background.

Over time, as you process trauma, you can prioritize taking care of yourself and leading a full life again.

What Are the Different Types of Trauma Therapy?

There are a variety of therapies that come under the umbrella of trauma therapy including (but not limited to):

• EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

EMDR Therapy

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Therapy)

• Somatic Experiencing (SE)

Somatic Experiencing (SE)

• Parts Work (including Ego States Therapy and Internal Family Systems which is also known as IFS)

Parts Work (Ego States Therapy and IFS)

What is the Negative Impact of Unresolved Trauma?

Unresolved trauma can have a negative impact on every area of your life including:

• Relationships and family life

• Work

• School

• Friendships and social life

What Are the Benefits of Trauma Therapy?

Some of the benefits of trauma therapy include:

• Eliminating or reducing triggers and other trauma-related symptoms

• Learning coping skills and developing internal resources
  

• Overcoming distorted negative beliefs

• Reframing traumatic experiences to make sense of these experiences

• Reducing anxiety, irritability, anger and frustration

When Would Be a Good Time to Seek Help in Trauma Therapy?

As previously mentioned, unresolved trauma can affect every area of your life.

If you are experiencing one or more of the following symptoms, seek help from a qualified trauma therapist:

• Emotional Flashbacks

• Disturbing Triggers
  

• Insomnia and Trouble Sleeping

Insomnia and Trouble Sleeping

• Nightmares

• Isolation and Loneliness

• Anxiety

• Other Trauma-Related Symptoms That Affect You 

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

It can be difficult to ask for help, especially when you are experiencing the symptoms of unresolved trauma.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

When you seek help from a trauma therapist, ask her about her training, background and skills related to trauma therapy (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Freeing yourself from your traumatic history can help you to live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many clients to overcome unresolved trauma so they could go on to live a more fulfilling life.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

The Mind-Body Connection: The Body Reacts When the Mind Gets Stuck in Denial

I'm focusing on the mind-body connection when the mind gets stuck in denial and how denial can affect the body.

What is Denial?

Denial is a defense mechanism (see my article: Understanding Defense Mechanisms).

The Body Reacts When the Mind Gets Stuck in Denial

People use denial as a form of self protection against accepting something that would be too painful for them to admit to themselves.  

Signs of Denial

Some common signs include:

• Refusing to talk about the problem
• Finding ways to justify denial
• Blaming others or outside forces for the problem
• Persisting in behavior despite negative consequences
• Promising to address the problem in the future, but it doesn't get addressed
• Avoiding thinking about the problem

Short Term Denial vs Ongoing Denial

Short term denial can be helpful and adaptive under certain circumstances. 

However, ongoing denial, which happens the mind gets stuck in denial, is often self destructive and destructive to others.

Ongoing denial is a maladaptive use of this defense mechanism. 

Short Term Denial Can Be Helpful Under Certain Circumstances

Sometimes short term denial can be adaptive because it gives people a chance 

to get ready to face a situation they're not ready to face in the moment.

An Example of Short Term Denial Being Helpful

    Mario and Judy

When the doctor told Mario and his older sister, Judy, that their mother's cancer was terminal and that any more chemotherapy would only hasten her demise, they were shocked and they refused to believe it at first.  However, after the initial shock wore off, they talked to their mother's doctor about next steps. After their talk, they were ready to accept that their mother would be much more comfortable in hospice care where she would be made comfortable until she passed away. Three days after being in hospice, their mother passed away peacefully in and, although they grieved the loss, they knew they made the best decision for her.  In this example, Mario and Judy weren't ready, at first, to accept the news that nothing more could be done to eradicate the cancer. Their short term denial gave them a chance to process and accept the news, as hard as it was, and prepare themselves for the worst. At that point, they were able to make the decision to have the medical staff transfer their mother into hospice care so she would be made comfortable. After her death, even though they were very sad and they grieved, they knew they made the right decision in accepting the futility of further cancer treatment and hospice was the best possible option under the circumstances.

 An Example of How Ongoing Denial Can Affect the Body

    Nina

Mario and Judy's younger sister, Nina, had a very different experience. After their mother died, Mario and Judy grieved their mother's death and eventually they made peace with her passing. But Nina wasn't able to accept her mother's terminal cancer diagnosis. She was in complete denial. She argued with the oncologist and the nurses on the cancer ward.  She also opposed putting the mother in hospice and argued with her siblings. She kept insisting that more chemotherapy would help, but Judy was on the mother's health proxy and she had power of attorney, so Nina couldn't stop her siblings' decisions. 

After her mother died, Nina contacted several malpractice attorneys. She channeled all her denial and anger about the mother's death into bringing a malpractice suit against the medical staff that treated her mother. But, after reviewing the medical records, every lawyer she contacted told her that she didn't have a case.  No one in the family was able to help Nina to accept that everything that could have been done was done. 

After several months, Nina's denial took a toll on her health. She developed insomnia, frequent headaches and high blood pressure. Her primary care physical advised her that she needed to accept and mourn the loss of her mother. But she wouldn't accept her mother's death and her health continued to deteriorate until she was hospitalized.  

It wasn't until the hospital sent a clinical social worker who was on staff to speak with Nina about the impact her denial was having on her health that she began to take her first tentative steps to overcome her denial. Part of her hospital discharge plan was to see a psychotherapist to deal with her denial and release the grief that was bottled up inside her.

How the Body Reacts When the Mind Gets Stuck in Denial

In Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's excellent book, The Body Keeps the Score, he discusses the connection between the mind and the body.

The Body Reacts When the Mind Gets Stuck in Denial

Ongoing denial occurs when a person refuses to accept something that is too painful for them.  Even though their mind might reject whatever they cannot accept, their body can react.

When someone gets stuck in denial, they use a lot of mental energy to maintain this defense mechanism. This causes stress and muscle tension. 

Over time, stress hormones can take their toll on the body. 

The person who is in denial might not make the connection between their denial and the consequences to their body.

  Other Examples of Denial

• Someone denies they have an alcohol or drug problem because they're still able to function on a day-to-day basis.

In Denial About Substance Abuse Problems

• Someone hurts their partner's feelings, but instead of accepting this, they blame their partner for their hurtful behavior.

Blaming a Partner For One's Own Behavior

• Someone who is having an emotional problem refuses to accept it or get help, so it gets worse over time both emotionally and physically.

Getting Help in Therapy

Before denial takes its toll on your mind and body, seek help from a licensed mental health professional.

Getting Help in Therapy

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to identify your particular pattern of denial and other defense mechanisms you might be using to avoid dealing with your problems.

Rather than allowing your problems to get worse, seek professional help so you can lead a healthier and more fulfilling life.

See My Other Related Articles

The Mind-Body Connection: Responding Instead of Reacting to Stress

The Mind-Body Connection: What is Somatic Awareness?

Clinical Hypnosis and the Mind-Body Connection

The Mind-Body Connection: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Relationships: Becoming More Attuned to Each Other

One of the most common problems I hear about in my private practice in New York City is a lack of emotional or sexual attunement in relationships (see my article: Are You Able to Express Your Vulnerable Emotions to Your Partner?).

What is Attunement in a Relationship?

Attunement in a relationship means the ability to connect with one another on an emotional and sexual level.

Becoming More Attuned to Each Other

Some couples connect well emotionally, but they're not attuned sexually.  This often occurs in long term relationships where sex has become less satisfying for one or both partners.

A lack of attunement can occur for many reasons.  Often this problem occurs when the couple isn't working together as a team.  This causes one or both partners to feel alone and emotionally unfulfilled. 

If the lack of attunement is also occurring in the bedroom, a couple often stops having sex to avoid the problem (see my article: Have You and Your Partner Stopped Having Sex?).

How to Get Emotionally Attuned to Yourself First and Then Your Partner

Rather than engaging in blame and conflict, which can destroy a relationship, each person needs to make a commitment to approach the problem as a team (see my articles: Moving Beyond the Blame Game in Your Relationship and Improving Your Communication By Eliminating the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse).

Becoming More Attuned to Each Other

In other words, there are no "bad guys." Instead, there is a recognition that the problems are co-created between both people, and if there is a willingness on each person's part to overcome this negative dynamic in the relationship, they can co-create the solution.

Becoming More Attuned to Each Other

Each of you can take some quiet time on your own to think and write about what you feel is missing and what you want more of in the relationship.

Start by focusing on yourself and where you feel you can improve rather than making a list of complaints about your partner.  

Are you attuned to your own emotions?  If not, take a moment to calm your mind and body so you can drop down into your own internal experience to get better attuned with yourself before you approach your partner.  

To get attuned, find a private quiet place without distractions.  

Close your eyes if you feel comfortable, focus on your breath and slow down your breathing (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: Developing a Felt Sense of Your Emotions).

Expect to have distracting thoughts and when they come up, imagine you can put each one on a cloud and watch them float away (see my article: Basic Mindfulness Skills).

As you focus on your emotions, tune into your body to get a sense of where you can feel your emotions in your body.  Know that it's not unusual to feel conflicting emotions. Just acknowledge them and let them be.  Don't judge them or try to suppress them.

Afterwards take time to write down what came up for you and what you might want to share with your partner.

Emotional vulnerability is a pathway to intimacy, so if you can both share what came up for each of you, it could bring you closer.

On the other hand, if your emotional connection with your partner has deteriorated to the point where you don't feel comfortable being vulnerable, you can start with your less vulnerable feelings.

When you're listening to your partner, give your partner your undivided attention.  Listen without interrupting or getting distracted with other things (phones are off and put away).  

Becoming More Attuned to Each Other

After your partner has shared, instead of giving your perspective or opinion, tell your partner what you heard without criticism or judgment ("I heard you say you feel lonely in our relationship. Is that right?").  

If your partner says you didn't understand what s/he was saying, ask your partner to say it again in another way.  Repeat this process until you're really get what your partner is saying.

You don't have to agree with your partner's perspective.  You just need to let your partner know that you heard and understand based on what s/he said.

Then, it's your turn.  Follow the same steps.  Remember to slow down so you can be attuned to your own emotions as well as your partner's.

It takes time and patience to feel into and talk about your emotions, so don't rush through this exercise just to get through it.  If you do, you'll convey to your partner that you're not interested in hearing what s/he has to say or what you have to say to your partner.

You might experience some discomfort, especially if you're not accustomed to sharing your emotions on a deep level.  That's okay.  With practice, this process can get easier as you each work on these skills.

How to Get Sexually Attuned to Yourself and Your Partner

Many people feel embarrassed to talk about sex (see my articles: How to Talk to Your Partner About Sex - Part 1 and Part 2).

Becoming More Attuned to Each Other

Start by getting attuned to your own sense of sexuality in terms of what you like.  If it's been a long time since you have felt attuned to your own sexuality, start gradually.

If you have good memories of enjoying sex, you can begin by remembering times when you enjoyed sex in the past (see my article:  Reviving Your Sex Life By Remembering Your Peak Erotic Experiences).

Whether these memories involve solo sex or sex with a partner, what was it about those experiences that made sex enjoyable?  Was it your sense of connection? Was it your sense of playfulness or freedom to let go? Or something else?

If you have never experienced pleasurable sex, do you have memories of seeing movies or reading books that got you turned on?  What was it about those scenes that appealed to you?

After each of you have engaged in your own sexual self exploration, you can share your thoughts and fantasies with your partner (see my article: Finding Your Sexual Voice).

Once again, don't be critical or judgmental. Just listen.  Their turn-ons might not be yours, but couples often find sexual activities that get them both turned on (see my article: Don't Yuk Your Partner's Yum).

When it's your turn, try to be as open as you can about what you like and allow your partner to have his or her own preferences.

Getting Help in Therapy

It's common for couples to allow emotional and sexual problems to go unaddressed for months and even years.  At that point, it's hard to try to resolve them on their own (see my article: What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) For Couples?).

If you're struggling with a lack of emotional or sexual attunement in your relationship, you could benefit from seeking help in couples/sex therapy.

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy.  There is no physical exam, nudity or sex during sex therapy sessions (see my article:  Common Misconceptions About Sex Therapy).

Individual adults and couples seek help in sex therapy for a variety of reasons (see my article: What Are Common Issues Discussed in Sex Therapy?).

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who has an expertise with your problems so you can have a more fulfilling relationship.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I am a sex-positive therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.