Learning to Embrace Your Emotional Vulnerability

I have written about emotional vulnerability in prior articles, including Vulnerability as a Pathway to Greater Emotional Intimacy.

In the current article I'm discussing vulnerability as a strength and how to embrace vulnerability.

Why is Emotional Vulnerability Not a Weakness?

Many people feel some degree of discomfort when they reveal their emotional vulnerability in  their personal relationships. But, according to Brene Brown, researcher and motivational speaker, people who approach relationships in a wholehearted way know that vulnerability is essential to develop and maintain close relationships. 

Some people who struggle with emotional vulnerability believe vulnerability is a weakness. But, in fact, emotional vulnerability is not a weakness--it's a strength.

Emotional vulnerability shows courage and authenticity in intimate relationships.

Embracing Vulnerability

The wholehearted people in Brene Brown's research tended to take more emotional risks, even though they felt some degree of discomfort. Even though they knew they might be rejected, criticized or judged, they took risks because they felt being authentic and having meaningful relationships made the risk worthwhile. 

Embracing Emotional Vulnerability

Fear of being emotionally vulnerable is usually coupled with shame ,which is a topic I''ll discuss in my next article.

Vulnerability also means revealing your true self (see my article: Becoming Your True Self).

Being open, honest and revealing your true self, even when it's scary, helps to build stronger relationships. 

Embracing Emotional Vulnerability

Vulnerability creates the possibility for empathy, understanding and a stronger connection with the people you care about.

Reflecting on your feelings before you express them also helps you to develop self awareness and self reflective capacity.

In addition, being vulnerable by expressing your feelings provides an opportunity for loved ones to give you emotional support. 

Whereas holding in your feelings can create stress, expressing your feelings and getting support helps to reduce stress and stress-related health problems (see my article: Expressing Your Feelings in a Healthy Way)

Getting emotional support also helps to improve your overall well-being.

As you develop an increased capacity to be emotionally vulnerable, you increase your potential for personal growth and experiencing positive changes in your life.

How to Learn to Embrace Vulnerability

• Acknowledge Your Fears: Start by acknowledging to yourself what scares you about being emotionally vulnerable. Then, challenge your negative beliefs about vulnerability.

• Write in a Journal: Write in a journal to become more aware of your thoughts and feelings. This will also help you to express yourself with others (see my article: The Benefits of Journal Writing).

Embracing Emotional Vulnerability

• Practice Self Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion as you would with a close friend or loved one (see my article: Acceptance and Self Compassion).

• Practice Mindfulness: If you practice being present with your thoughts and feelings, you can become more self aware. Being present can also help you to deal with emotional vulnerability (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: Mindfulness Meditation)

• Start Small: Start by journaling and talking to a trusted loved one about your thoughts and feelings. Being in a safe and private environment is also important.

• Acknowledge and Embrace Your Mistakes: Acknowledging and embracing your mistakes with self compassion takes strength and courage and can help you to develop a sense of comfort with being vulnerable (see my article: Overcome Your Fear of Making Mistakes).

• Acknowledge Your Strengths: Appreciating your strengths can build self confidence.

• Challenge Your Negative Beliefs: Challenge your fears about what others might think about you if you express your vulnerability.

• Get Help in Therapy: Seek help from a licensed mental health professional who has the necessary skills and expertise to help you embrace vulnerability if self help tips aren't enough.

Clinical Vignette: How to Embrace Emotional Vulnerability

The following clinical vignette is a composite of many cases to protect confidentiality:

Nina

Nina felt discouraged about ever being able to maintain a relationship.  Although she confided in her close friends, she had problems opening up in relationships (see my article: Fear of Being Emotionally Vulnerable in a Relationship).

Embracing Emotional Vulnerability

Her last three relationships ended after her partners told her they felt she was holding back emotionally. 

She realized she was too scared to open up emotionally in her relationships. She also felt that if any of her partners knew the "real Nina", they wouldn't like her (see my article: Overcoming Your Fear That People Won't Like the "Real You").

When she started therapy to overcome her problem with emotional vulnerability, she revealed to her therapist that her parents always told her that emotional vulnerability was a "weakness".

She told her therapist that, even though she knew how important being vulnerable is to developing and sustaining a relationship, she didn't know how to be vulnerable.

Her therapist acknowledged Nina's strength in recognizing she didn't know how to be vulnerable and in seeking help in therapy.

In addition to providing Nina with tools she could use on her own, like journaling and  mindfulness skills, her therapist, who was a trauma therapist, helped Nina to work through the negative beliefs about vulnerability she learned from her parents.

Her therapist used EMDR therapy, AEDP and Parts Work to work through the early childhood trauma and shame that made it difficult for Nina to show her emotional vulnerability.

When Nina started dating someone new that she really liked, her therapist helped her to practice showing emotional vulnerability by starting in small ways.

As she became more comfortable, over time, Nina was able to open up more. Her willingness to be vulnerable allowed this new person in her life to also open up.

Over time, they were able to build a strong foundation for a relationship.

Conclusion

Contrary to what many people believe, emotional vulnerability is a strength--not a weakness.

Even though most people feel some degree of discomfort with being emotionally vulnerable, people who overcome their discomfort are aware that showing vulnerability is essential to having an emotionally intimate relationship.

Even if you grew up with negative beliefs about vulnerability, you can overcome these negative beliefs.

Next Article: What is the Connection Between Emotional Vulnerability and Shame?

Getting Help in Therapy

If you have been unable to overcome your fear of vulnerability on your own, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who has expertise in this area.

Getting Help in Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help in therapy so you can be your authentic self and lead a more meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experience helping individual adults and couples (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.