What Are the Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions?

As a psychotherapist, I work with individual adults and couples to help them to experience and express their emotions in healthy ways.

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

What Are the Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions?

The following are some of the benefits of allowing yourself to experience your emotions:

• Increased Self Awareness: Emotions offer a guide to important information about your needs, experiences and triggers. When you allow yourself to experience your emotions, you gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

• Better Mental Health: Suppressing emotions can contribute to stress, anxiety and depression. Also, when you suppress uncomfortable emotions, these emotions tend to come back in a stronger way. So, suppressing emotions makes the experience worse. Experiencing emotions can help to ease stress, anxiety and depression.

• Increased Confidence: Expressing your emotions is a vulnerable act which takes courage. By being courageous and expressing yourself, you can increase your confidence.

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

• A More Balanced Perspective: People who express their emotions in a healthy way tend to have a more balanced perspective.

• Better Physical Health: Suppressing emotions can have a negative impact on your immune system and cardiovascular system. In addition, experiencing emotions can help to improve your overall physical health.

• A Deeper Connection in Your Relationship: Openly expressing emotions in a healthy way can help to increase emotional vulnerability, which can help you and your partner to deepen your connection. This can lead to a stronger, more meaningful relationship (see my article: Learning to Embrace Your Emotional Vulnerability).

• Improved Communication: Sharing your emotions in a healthy way provides clarity and context making it easier for you to express your needs and build empathy.

• Increased Trust: Emotional authenticity can help to increase trust in your relationships.

How Can Therapy Help You to Identify and Express Your Emotions?

As a psychotherapist, I work in an experiential way (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Regular Talk Therapy?).

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

Many of us weren't taught to identify and expression emotions. On the contrary, some of us were actively discouraged from expressing emotions which gives the message that emotions are dangerous (see my article: How Experiential Psychotherapy Can Facilitate Emotional Development in Adult Clients).

The reality is that everyone experiences emotions and, as mentioned above, there are many benefits to experiencing and expressing your emotions.

Psychotherapy with a therapist who works in an experiential way provides the following benefits:

• A Confidential and Nonjudgmental Environment: Being able to identify and express your emotions in a confidential and nonjudgmental environment is essential for emotional healing (see my article: The Holding Environment: Maintaining a Safe Environment For the Client).

• Attuned and Compassionate Listening: A therapist who works in an experiential way attunes to her clients and listens with compassion. She also validates your emotions which allows you to be more emotionally vulnerable and deepen your understanding of yourself (see my article: The Healing Potential of the Therapist's Empathic Attunement).

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

• Help to Identify Suppressed Emotions: Experiential therapists can help you to understand emotions you have been suppressing, possibly for a lifetime, so you can become more self aware (see my article: How to Manage Your Emotions Without Suppressing Them).

• Improved Emotional Vocabulary: If you had to suppress certain emotions in your family of origin, you might not have developed the necessary vocabulary to express yourself. Developing emotional vocabulary can increase your confidence.

• Improved Coping and Emotional Regulation Skills: An experiential therapist can help you to learn better coping skills and emotional regulation by helping you to develop tools and strategies. This tools include:

• Breathing exercises
  

• Mindfulness practices
  

• Grounding exercises

• Increased Awareness of Emotional Patterns: An experiential therapist can help you to become more aware of your recurring emotional patterns. When you have developed self awareness about these patterns, you can develop the necessary skills to make changes.

What Are Experiential Therapies?

The following are some of the experiential therapies that I use in my private practice:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy)

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

• Somatic Experiencing

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)

• Clinical Hypnosis (also known as Hypnotherapy)

• Parts Work Therapy (IFS and Ego States Therapy)

Getting Help in Experiential Therapy

Whether you want to work on developing emotional intelligence or overcoming unresolved trauma, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who is an experiential psychotherapist.

The Benefits of Experiencing Your Emotions

A skilled experiential therapist can help you to develop the skills and strategies you need.

Rather than struggling alone, seek help in experiential therapy so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (couples therapist), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Emotional Regulation: What is the Difference Between Being Calm and Being Emotionally Numb?

Over the years, working with clients who have unresolved trauma, I have discovered that many people don't understand the difference between being calm and being emotionally numb (see my article: What is Emotional Regulation?).

Emotional Regulation: Calmness vs Emotional Numbing

Many clients who meditate on a regular basis often think they're calm when, in reality, they're emotionally numb. 

So, I think it's worthwhile to provide information about the difference between being calm and being numb in the current article (see my article: How to Manage Emotions Without Suppressing Them).

What is the Difference Between Being Calm and Being Emotionally Numb?

There is a big difference between the state of being calm and the state of being emotionally numb:

Calmness:

• A conscious effort to relax, center and ground yourself

Calmness

• A state of peace and serenity
• An ability to be aware, acknowledge and manage emotions in an healthy way

Emotional Numbness:

• A unconscious coping mechanism to avoid overwhelming emotions
• A feeling of being emotionally detached, shut down, empty
• An inability to feel positive or negative emotions 

Emotional Numbness

• An experience of physical and/or emotional flatness
• The potential to lose interest in people and activities that were enjoyable before
• An impaired ability to fully participate in life
• A usual preference for being alone rather than being with others

Note: You don't have to experience all of these symptoms to be emotionally numb.

What Causes Emotional Numbness?

Emotional numbness is usually an unconscious strategy or defense mechanism for coping with overwhelming emotion.

Emotional numbing can develop at any time in life. 

It often develops at an early age when children are in situations that are emotionally overwhelming (e.g., chaotic home life, emotional and/or physical abuse and so on).

Emotional Numbness

Although this unconscious strategy can help a child to survive in an emotionally unhealthy environment because they don't get too overwhelmed, it becomes a hindrance when these children become adults.

As adults, these individuals often have difficulty knowing what they feel about themselves and others. They might also experience difficulty connecting emotionally with others so that even if part of them wants to connect with others, another part of them is afraid.  

These internal parts tend to create conflict between their desire and their dread for connection (see my article: An Emotional Dilemma: Wanting and Dreading Love).

As mentioned earlier, unresolved trauma often plays of significant role for people who are emotionally numb.

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette, which is a composite of many cases, illustrates how emotional numbness creates problems in a relationship and how trauma therapy can help:

Alexa

During the early stage of Alexa's relationship with Jim, she enjoyed getting to know him and spending time with him.

Problems developed after the honeymoon stage of their relationship.

Alexa and Jim

Prior to that, Alexa was aware of her emotions. She also enjoyed sex with Jim.  

However, after the initial stage of their relationship, as they became more emotionally intimate, Alexa felt emotionally and physically flat. She also felt disconnected from Jim.

After she sought help in trauma therapy, Alexa became aware of how her early history of emotional neglect and sexual abuse affected her ability to be emotionally and sexually available with Jim.

Her family history included growing up with parents who were emotionally distant from her. 

In addition, from the age of 10-13, she was sexually abused by her father's brother who took care of Alexa when her parents went out in the evenings.

Whenever her uncle came into her bedroom at night and fondled her, Alexa would freeze and dissociate (i.e., zone out).

In other words, she would become emotionally numb as an unconscious way to protect herself from being overwhelmed by the abuse.

Even when Alexa told her parents about the uncle's sexual abuse, they didn't know how to deal with it because they were intimidated by the father's brother because he was the  oldest brother and he tended to dominate Alexa's father.

As a result, although her parents stopped asking the uncle to take care of Alexa, they never confronted him, so he faced no consequences for the abuse. 

It wasn't until the uncle abused his neighbors' young daughter that he faced legal consequences after his neighbors reported him to the police and he was arrested. 

During her trauma therapy, Alexa processed her unresolved trauma with a combination of EMDR Therapy,  Somatic Experiencing and Parts Work Therapy.

The work involved the abuse by the uncle as well as her parents' neglect.

The work was neither quick nor easy but, over time, Alexa processed the trauma and she was able to be more emotionally self aware and present with Jim.  

Alexa and Jim also sought help in sex therapy to help them both to overcome their sexual problems so they could enjoy sex again.

Conclusion

There is a big difference between being calm and being emotionally numb.

Emotional numbness is often a survival strategy to ward off overwhelming emotions related to unresolved trauma.

Trauma therapy can help clients to work through unresolved trauma. 

Everyone is different in terms of how they process trauma. 

How long trauma therapy takes often depends on many factors, including the depth and complexity of the trauma as well as a client's internal resources and ability to process the trauma.

When there is a history of sexual abuse which affects a relationship, sex therapy is often helpful to assist clients to connect emotionally and sexually in a way that feels safe and pleasurable for both of them (see my article: What is Sex Therapy?).

Getting Help in Therapy

If you're struggling with unresolved trauma, rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who has the training and expertise to help you.

Working through trauma helps to free you from your history so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

With over 20 years of experience, I have helped many clients to overcome trauma, including sexually related trauma (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Relationships: What Do You Need to Feel Closer to Your Partner?

As a psychotherapist who sees individual adults and couples, one of the problems I often hear about from people in relationships is that they would like to feel closer to their partner.

What Do You Need to Feel Closer to Your Partner?

            See my articles:    

• Learning to Ask Your Partner For What You Need Emotionally

• Are Your Emotional Needs Being Met in Your Relationship?

What Do You Need to Feel Close to Your Partner?

Every individual is different but, generally, most people in a relationship need to experience:

• Acceptance: This means feeling accepted as you are right now--flaws and all.

• Trust: You and your partner know that you can trust each other, put your relationship first and be honest and genuine with each other (see my article: Relationships: Oxytocin, Trust and Empathy).

• Reliability: Knowing you can count on your partner to be there for you when you need them is essential.

What Do You Need to Feel Closer to Your Partner?

• Emotional Connection: Feeling emotionally connected to your partner and knowing your partner feels emotionally connected to you is important. You and your partner might have short periods of times when you don't feel as emotionally connected because of whatever you're going through as a couple, but feeling emotionally connected most of the time is important in any relationship (see my article: How to Build Trust and Connection in Your Relationship).

• Understanding: You and your partner need to feel that you understand each other and, even when there are times when you might not understand each other, you both make an attempt to communicate and actively listen so you both work towards feeling understood.

• Appreciation: Feeling appreciated and valued is essential to any relationship. This includes giving and getting positive reinforcement (see my article: The Importance of Expressing Gratitude to Your Partner).

• Vulnerability: Vulnerability is the pathway in any relationship to emotional and sexual connection. This means being able to listen to your partner's hopes, fears and dreams and your partner also being able to do the same for you. 

         See my articles: 

• Vulnerability as a Pathway to Emotional and Sexual Intimacy

• How to Express Your Vulnerable Emotions to Your Partner

• Shared Goals: Having individual goals and relationship goals that you can both support is important.

         See my articles: 

• 7 Tips For Creating a Stronger Relationship With Relationship Goals

• 10 Relationship Goals to Create a Stronger Relationship

• Growing as an Individual When You're in a Relationship

Conclusion

Being able to ask for what you need emotionally from your partner can be challenging, especially if you grew up in a family where you were discouraged, forbidden or even shamed for having emotional needs (see my article: What is Childhood Emotional Neglect?).

What Do You Need to Feel Closer to Your Partner?

If you and your partner are having problems expressing your emotional needs to each other, you could benefit from seeking help in couples therapy.

Getting Help in Couples Therapy

If you and your partner have been unable to resolve problems on your own, you could benefit from seeking help in couples therapy.

Getting Help in Couples Therapy

A skilled couples therapist can help you to understand the underlying issues involved for each of you and help you to develop the necessary tools and strategies to overcome your problems.

Seeking help sooner rather than later can make the difference in being able to resolve your problems.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email.

Dating: Is a Situationship Right For You?

Situationships have become a lot more common in the dating world in recent years as compared to how dating used to be (see my article: How Does Old School Dating Compare to Contemporary Dating?).

People who want to date without a commitment often feel situationships work for them. 

Dating: Is a Situationship Right For You?

Other people who want an exclusive relationship don't like situationships because the lack of definition, commitment or direction makes them feel uncomfortable.

So, let's explore the pros and cons of situationships in the dating world, but first let's start by defining the term.

What is a Situationship?

The nature of a situationships can vary with different couples.

Generally speaking, a situationship is more than just FWB (Friends With Benefits) and less than an exclusive relationship. 

Dating: Is a Situationship Right For You?

In this respect, as previously mentioned, a situationship involves no commitment. It can occur between people who start out as strangers or people who are already friends.

The basic characteristics of a situation include:

• The Relationship is Undefined: You and your partner haven't put a label on your non-exclusve relationship. This might be because you just started dating so it's too soon to have "the talk" and, as a result, it hasn't been defined. It might also be because you're both fine with your situation as it is for now and neither of you has any intention to try to define it. It can also be because one of you likes things the way they are and the other is secretly hoping the relationship eventually becomes exclusive. 

• The Connection is Superficial and Based on Convenience: You and your partner might be sexual, but your conversations are mostly superficial small talk. It's possible that your partner might hardly or never ask you personal questions about yourself. In addition, there's no consistency in how often or when you see each other, so it's based on convenience. You might see each other when neither of you have any other plans or if one of you has plans that have fallen through.

• There's No Talk About a Future: As compared to people who are in an exclusive relationship, the two of you don't make plans for your relationship. You might not even make plans for future events like getting tickets for a concert or the theater. 

• The Relationship Isn't Exclusive: As previously mentioned, there's no commitment to be exclusive in a situationship, so each of you can date other people.

• There's No Follow Up: When you're together, you might really enjoy each other's company, but when you're apart, neither of you might take the initiative to contact the other or follow up with each other.

What Are the Pros and Cons of Being in a Situationship?

The pros and cons of a situationship are very much in the eye of the beholder.

If both people are genuinely interested in being in this type of casual relationship, they might find there are more advantages than disadvantages. 

Dating: Is a Situationship Right For You?

But if one person secretly wants a committed relationship and they're just going along with being in a situationship with the hope it will develop into something more, this can create problems.

The Pros

• Less Responsibility and Less Emotional Investment: For those who want less responsibility and no need to invest emotionally in a relationship, a situationship can work if both people want this.

• Freedom: You can enjoy each other's company when you're together, but there are none of the expectations involved with a committed relationship. This means you're both free to see other people.

• Fun With Less Stress: As long as both people are on the same page, you can enjoy your time together without the stress involved in a committed relationship.

The Cons

• Instability, Inconsistency and Stress: If Person A begins to develop feelings for Person B and Person B doesn't develop feelings for Partner A, Partner A might find the instability and inconsistency of a situationship to be too hurtful and stressful.

• Different Expectations: You might both start out liking a situationship but, over time, if Person A develops feelings, Person A might have different expectations. Under those circumstances, Person A needs to communicate. However, a change in the relationship might not suit Person B who might still want to be free and uncommitted.

Tips on How to Handle a Situationship

• Be Honest With Yourself: First, be honest with yourself. Know what you want. If you know you're not going to be comfortable with an uncommitted, undefined relationship, acknowledge this to yourself. There's nothing wrong with this--it's just who you are at this point in your life. Don't go into a situationship hoping to turn it into an exclusive relationship because it might never turn into that. Similarly, if. you know don't want to be in an exclusive relationship, there's nothing wrong with admitting to yourself that you want a casual relationship.

• Be Honest With the Other Person: Don't pretend you want something you don't want. Being honest with the other person can save a lot of heartache in the long run even if it creates an initial disappointment.

Dating: Is a Situationship Right For You?

• Communicate Your Needs Clearly: Along with being honest, communicate your needs clearly to the other person--whether it's at the beginning stage of a relationship or if you experience a change later on. Don't expect the other to know how you feel. 

• Be Honest, Tactful and Gracious If It Doesn't Work Out: A situationship might work for a while, but there's no way to know how feelings might change over time for one or both people. Many relationships run their course whether they're committed relationships or casual relationships. No relationship is emotionally risk free, so if it's no longer working for one or both of you, end it by being your best self.

Conclusion

It's important to know yourself. Situationships aren't for everyone and that's okay.

At certain points in your life, you might an uncommitted, undefined relationship because it's what suits you at the time with a particular person. 

At other times in your life, you might not want a situationship.

You might also be someone who would never want such a casual, undefined relationship and that's okay too.

Just be honest and open about your needs and consider the other person's needs when you're trying to decide what kind of relationship you want.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Relationships: Being Emotionally Vulnerable is a Strength

In a prior article I discussed vulnerability in terms of it being a pathway to intimacy.  However, I'm aware that a lot of people think of vulnerability as a weakness and their reluctance to allow themselves to be open and vulnerable in their relationship creates disconnection in their relationship.

Emotional Vulnerability is a Strength

What is Emotional Vulnerability in a Relationship?

Emotional vulnerability in a relationship is a state of being open by acknowledging and taking a risk to expose your feelings to your partner.  This allows you to love them and to be loved by them.

Emotional vulnerability allows you and your partner to connect and deepen your relationship.  

What Are Examples of Emotional Vulnerability?

The following are some of the most common examples of emotional vulnerability:

• Telling your partner you love them
• Talking honestly and openly about your emotional needs
• Talking about your hopes, fears and dreams
• Apologizing for your mistakes 
• Sharing your feelings of grief
• Sharing your feelings of disappointment
• Sharing your feelings of shame
• Telling your partner why you're angry
• Telling your partner why you're sad
• Making an effort to work through problems in your relationship

Why is Emotional Vulnerability Important in a Relationship?

According to Dr. Brene Brown, author and social work researcher, "Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, empathy and creativity."

Dr. Brown goes on to say, "To love is to be vulnerable, to give someone your heart and say, 'I know this could hurt so bad, but I'm willing to do it; I'm willing to be vulnerable to love you."

Vulnerability allows you to grow as a person. It helps to build trust, empathy, honesty and a stronger bond between you and your partner.

What is Fear of Emotional Vulnerability?

Fear of vulnerability is common for adults.

But no one is born with a fear of vulnerability.  Generally, young children are open and free with their emotions if they grow up in an atmosphere of emotional safety.  

But if they grow up in an environment where they experience emotional neglect or abuse or they witness family members being emotionally or physically abused, they learn that the world is a painful place and they need to protect themselves by closing themselves off (see my article: Children's Roles in Dysfunctional Families).

In other words, fear of emotional vulnerability is a learned experience.  It's not that anyone necessarily tells children this explicitly--it's a matter of them internalizing the emotional pain they experience or witness in the family.  This often leaves them feeling ashamed and unlovable.

For example, children who grow up in a family where one or both parents are alcoholic (or dysfunctional in other ways) might see a loving sober parent become an angry, abusive parent when they're drunk.  

They might also see their sober parent in emotional pain and taking on the full mental and emotional load of raising them because their alcoholic or dysfunctional parent can't do it.

What this communicates to a young child is that when they grow up, they can't trust their partner. Instead, they think they have to learn to be completely "independent," but in reality, this is a pseudo-independence because it's a denial of their emotional needs (see my article: Is This "Independence" or Shame?).

Often the person who grows up with a fear of vulnerability due to their childhood experiences over-functions for their partner. They might do most or all the household chores, take on the complete responsibility of raising their children and managing the finances.  

Underneath this over-functioning is often a mistrust that their partner will be there for them emotionally, mentally and practically.  This might actually be the case in reality if they chose someone who is unable or unwilling to be there for them or it might be a false perception they would have for any partner.

Consequences of Not Being Vulnerable

Building a protective emotional wall around yourself might make you feel momentarily safe, but there are long term negative consequences for you and your relationship.

An inability and/or an unwillingness to be emotionally vulnerable with a partner sets a limit in your relationship in terms of how the relationship can grow and deepen.  It's harmful to you as an individual and it's hurtful to your partner.

Over time, a lack of vulnerability between two people in a relationship can cause emotional disconnection.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you struggle to be emotionally vulnerable, you might already be aware of the negative consequences this has in your life.

Rather than struggling with your fear and shame on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional.

Learning to be emotionally vulnerable in a healthy relationship can help you to lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

Coping with Psychological Trauma: What Are Emotional Flashbacks?

Emotional flashbacks are intense emotional states which are triggered in the present by unresolved trauma from the past (see my article: Reacting to the Present Based on Your Traumatic Past).

Psychological Trauma and Emotional Flashbacks

Emotional flashbacks often occur to people with Complex Trauma.  

In this article, I'll define emotional flashbacks and give examples of these experiences.

What Are Emotional Flashbacks?

Emotional flashbacks occur when there is a triggering event.  The person who is having an emotional flashback experiences strong waves of emotion.  These experiences are related to traumatic experiences from the past, but an experience in the present triggers the emotional flashback.

Emotional flashbacks bring a person back into feeling-states they had during the original trauma, including traumatic childhood experiences.

How Are Emotional Flashbacks Different From Other Traumatic Flashbacks?

Flashbacks have specific memories associated with them. Often there is a visual image with flashbacks.

However, emotional flashbacks usually don't have visual images.  The person who is having an emotional flashback relives the emotions associated with trauma from the past.  This can make it confusing because, without the visual images related to a particular memory, the person often doesn't know why they're having the emotional flashback.

What Are Some of Symptoms of Emotional Flashbacks?

People who experience emotional flashbacks experience emotions related to past trauma including:

• Fear
• Feeling unsafe
• Feeling abandoned
• Shame
• Sadness
• A sense of impending doom

What Can Trigger an Emotional Flashback?

• Sights
• Sounds
• Smells
• People
• Situations
• Events

Examples of Emotional Flashbacks

The following examples are composites of many different clinical cases with all identifying information removed to illustrate how emotional flashbacks can occur:

    Jack

After Jack gave a presentation at work to senior managers, he met with his director to get feedback. His director's feedback was overwhelmingly positive. He only had one minor  recommendation for Jack about how to improve one of the graphics.  Then, he concluded by congratulating Jack on a job well done.  Even though the director's feedback was very positive, when Jack heard the minor recommendation, he felt waves of intense fear and shame wash over him.  

Emotional Flashbacks at Work

When he was alone in his office, Jack felt overwhelmed by these emotions and he couldn't understand what was happening.  Although he remained in his office for the rest of the day, Jack felt like he was in two places at once--being in the office as well as feeling like he was somewhere else, but he didn't know where.  Later that day, when he had a session with his trauma therapist, who knew his family history, she told him he was having an emotional flashback which was related to his childhood history with an overly critical father, who beat him for making mistakes.  His therapist helped Jack with some grounding exercises to calm him down and then they processed the experience with Somatic Experiencing therapy.

Alice

As she walked into her kitchen, Alice overheard her mother-in-law tell another party guest that she admired Alice's intelligence.  As she stood in the kitchen holding the tray of appetizers, Alice felt her hands trembling so much that she had to set the tray down to steady herself against the counter.  She felt waves of sadness and shame, but she couldn't understand what was happening to her.  When her partner, Jane, came in to see what was keeping Alice from rejoining the party, Jane found Alice in a state of terror.  She had seen Alice like this before so she held her close and soothed her with supportive words.  

Emotional Flashbacks at Home

During her next trauma therapy session, Alice realized her emotional flashback was related to experiences she had as a child when she heard her mother praising Alice's sister for being the "pretty one" and saying with scorn that Alice was the "intelligent one" in the family.  Her mother's tone of disgust towards Alice conveyed how much more she preferred what she perceived as Alice's sister's beauty as compared to Alice's intelligence.  Even though, as an adult, Alice knew logically that she was also pretty and her sister was also intelligent, whenever anyone complimented her for being intelligent, on an emotional level, she felt abandoned, ashamed, fearful and sad.  She and her trauma therapist worked on these childhood memories using EMDR therapy.

Joe

Joe normally considered himself to be a person who was on an even keel emotionally--except whenever he was cut off by another driver on the road.  At those times, he would go into a rage.  During one incident when his wife was in the car, Joe was so enraged that he pursued the other driver for several miles, caught up with him at a red light and cursed at him.  

Emotional Flashbacks and Road Rage

His wife feared the other driver would get out of his car and there might be a physical confrontation, but he drove away instead.  She was so upset by this incident that she insisted Joe get help in therapy or she would never get into the car with him again.  When Joe began trauma therapy, he learned that his road rage experiences were connected to his childhood experiences of feeling helpless whenever his father beat him when the father was drunk.  During those times, Joe suppressed his fear, sadness and his tears because he was afraid his father would become even more angry if he allowed his emotions to show.  But, as an adult, these emotions and physical reactions remained suppressed in Joe's body and came out during these road rage incidents.  He and his therapist worked on his unresolved trauma using AEDP therapy.

Ina

A few weeks after Ina began dating Bill, she invited him up to her apartment.  She really liked Bill and she knew the feelings were mutual.  Until then, they had kissed but they had never had sex, which Ina really wanted to do.  After relaxing on the couch together where they cuddled, Ina invited Bill into the bedroom and they began to kiss and undress.  As they got into bed, Ina was aware that she was sexually aroused, but when Bill kissed her ear, she froze.  She felt waves of terror come over her and she jumped out of bed.  She didn't know what had come over her and she apologized to Bill.  Although he was very caring and understanding, Bill was confused because he didn't understand what was happening.  Since neither of them knew what was happening, they both agreed to cuddle instead of having sex that night.  

Emotional Flashback and a History of Sexual Abuse

The next day during her trauma therapy session, Ina' realized her emotional flashback was related to childhood memories of when her stepfather used to come into her bedroom after her mother had fallen asleep.  Just before he touched Ina's breasts, he would kiss her ear.  When Ina remembered these experiences in her therapy, her therapist provided Ina with psychoeducation about emotional flashbacks.  Soon after that, they worked on Ina's history of sexual abuse (see my article: Overcoming the Trauma of Sexual Abuse).

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

Emotional flashbacks related to unresolved trauma are challenging experiences.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a trauma therapist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Once you have worked through your traumatic history, you'll be free to live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I am a trauma therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.