How Glimmers Give You a Sense of Ease, Safety and Joy

What Are Glimmers?

The term "glimmer" was coined in 2018 by Deb Dana, LCSW as part of her work on the applications of the polyvagal theory to regarding psychological trauma.

Glimmers Give You a Momentary Sense of Ease, Safety and Joy

A lot of people are familiar with trauma triggers (see my article: Coping With Trauma: Becoming Aware of Triggers), but fewer people are familiar with the terms "glimmers".

A glimmer is the opposite of a trauma trigger. A glimmer is an internal or external cue that gives you a sense of ease, safety or joy.

According to Deb Dana, LCSW, glimmers are gentle, yet powerful, ways that your nervous system finds moments of being okay--that might mean, as mentioned above, being calm, feeling at ease or feeling joy.

She indicates that glimmers happen all the time, but if you're not accustomed to noticing glimmers, you can miss them (see my article: Seeing Small Wonders All Around Us If We Take the Time to Notice).

So, it's important to develop the ability to find glimmers, notice them, feel them and celebrate them--even if it's just for a moment.

According to Deb Dana, when you begin to notice glimmers, you naturally look for more. 

She also indicates that glimmers are not toxic positivity or about "counting your blessings".  Instead, they're reminders that the human nervous system is built to hold both suffering and, at the same time. to notice moments of goodness. 

What is the Difference Between Trauma Triggers and Glimmers?

Trauma triggers are sensory reminders that cause you to feel unsafe because they are reminders of previous experiences of unresolved trauma.

Glimmers Give You a Sense of Ease, Safety and Joy

Glimmers are the opposite of triggers, as mentioned above. 

Glimmers are also sensory cues, but they are sensory cues that make you feel calm, connected, safe, peaceful and possibly joyful.

What Are Examples of Common Glimmers?

Here are some common glimmers that you might experience:

• Enjoying the warmth of the sun
• Seeing a sunrise or a sunset
• Stargazing
• Enjoying the smell of fresh cut grass
• Walking in nature   
• Sipping your favorite coffee or tea

Glimmers Give You a Sense of Ease, Safety and Joy

• Enjoying the breeze off the ocean
• Petting your dog or cat
• Seeing a rainbow
• Listening to soothing music
• Enjoying the taste of your favorite food
• Giving or getting a hug
• Receiving a smile
• Seeing a butterfly
• The internal sensation of feeling at peace with yourself and in peaceful surroundings

How Are Glimmers Beneficial to You?

When you have unresolved trauma, your body can be looking, consciously or unconsciously, for signs of possible danger--real or imagined.

When you're constantly on guard for danger, glimmers can be momentary internal or external cues that allow you to feel joy, connected and safe.

Glimmers Give You a Sense of Ease, Safety and Joy

If you have been unable to recognize glimmers in the past and you're beginning to recognize glimmers now, you might be experiencing the early stage of recovering from trauma because, possibly, your body isn't as on guard as it used to be.

Even if you have just a moment of enjoying a glimmer, that's a moment when you're not hypervigilant or on guard waiting for danger to occur.

How Can Glimmers Support Your Healing From Psychological Trauma?
Here are some of the ways glimmers can support your healing from psychological trauma:

• Regulating Your Nervous System: Glimmers can help to regulate your nervous system by counteracting the hyperarousal from triggers related to trauma.

• Providing You With a Sense of Safety: By appreciating glimmers, you can let your "survival brain" know that. you are safe and this can reduce fear and anxiety.

• Building Resilience: Appreciating glimmers can strengthen your nervous system's ability to cope with stress, including the stress of overcoming unresolved trauma in therapy. Glimmers can also makes it easier to deal with other challenging situations (see my article: Resilience: Coping With Life's Inevitable Ups and Downs).

Glimmers Give You a Sense of Ease, Safety and Joy

• Cultivating Optimism: Noticing glimmers can help you to shift your mindset from negative experiences to positive moments. This can also help you to internalize a positive outlook--even if it's for the moment.

• Developing Increased Self Awareness: Glimmers can help to promote increased self awareness and personal growth (see my article: What is Self Reflective Awareness and Why Is It Important to You?).

• Promoting Emotional Healing: Noticing and appreciating glimmers on a regular basis can help to boost your mood, reduce depression and anxiety and improve your overall mental health.

How to Develop Your Awareness of Glimmers

Here are some suggestions that can help you to develop your awareness of glimmers:

• Use Your Senses: Notice what you see, hear, smell, sense/tactile and taste in the environment around you.

• Practice Mindfulness: Take time to be in the present moment (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: Mindfulness Meditation).

Glimmers Give You a Sense of Ease, Safety and Joy

• Keep a Gratitude Journal: Notice, appreciate and write about the small things around you that bring you joy in a gratitude journal (see my article: Keeping a Gratitude Journal).

• Engage in Activities That You Enjoy: Spend time in nature, play your favorite music, dance, pursue your hobbies and engage in other activities that you enjoy.

• Curate Your Social Media: Unfollow accounts that trigger your trauma and you and follow accounts that are uplifting.

Conclusion

Glimmers can help you to improve your mental health.  

If you're working on unresolved trauma in therapy, glimmers can help you to experience moments of joy, calm and ease while. you're in trauma therapy.

Recognizing Glimmers During Trauma Therapy

As a trauma therapist, I recommend appreciating glimmers to my clients (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Anyone can learn to develop the skills of noticing and appreciating glimmers. It just takes practice and as you begin to notice them, continuing to recognize and appreciate glimmers can get easier over time.

About Me

I am a New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experiencing helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Developing Calmness and Balance During Stressful Times

One of the biggest challenges for many people is developing mental and emotional calmness and balance during stressful times.  This is why it's so important to learn to understand and develop equanimity (see my article: Living a Balanced Life).

Developing Equanimity During Stressful Times

What is Equanimity?

Equanimity is defined as the capacity for calmness, composure and even-temperedness--even in highly stressful times (see my article: Living With Uncertainty).

The metaphor of a sailboat which remains upright in turbulent waters is often used to describe equanimity. The sails might sway in the storm, but they remain centered.

Staying Centered During Stressful Times

Equanimity doesn't mean passivity, indifference or resignation. It means finding your inner balance.

Equanimity also doesn't mean that once you have found your internal centered place that you won't take appropriate action to improve a stressful situation.

For instance, if you angry and disappointed about a particular social justice issue, you can participate in social justice activism for the equal rights and opportunities of all people and, at the same time, maintain a sense of equanimity (more about this below).

How to Practice Equanimity During Stressful Times

• Start With Self Awareness: When things go wrong or times are stressful, it's easy to get stuck in the Blame Game and point a finger at others. And, while it might be true that others have contributed to your stressful situation, you need to first be aware of how you're feeling and responding to the situation. There's a difference between responding and reacting (see my article: Awareness and Self Acceptance).

• Acceptance to Begin Wherever You Are: You can begin wherever you are mentally, physically and emotionally by accepting where you are right now in the moment. The concept of acceptance can be confusing, especially when you're in a highly stressful situation. Acceptance doesn't mean giving up, being indifferent or numbing yourself. Acceptance means that you acknowledge the situation and how you're feeling in the here-and-now. You're not stuck in the past or projecting too far into the future. Before you can get to a state of acceptance, you need to feel all your feelings internally. Then, if you need to express your feelings, do it in a calm and even way. If you can't do that in the moment, wait until you can. Then, you can be in the here-and-now whatever that means for you (see my articles: Welcoming All Emotions and Acceptance and Self Compassion).

• Develop Ways to Calm and Center Yourself: Find ways to calm and center yourself that work for you. This could include grounding techniques, breathing exercises and mindfulness meditation.

Developing Ways to Calm and Center Yourself

• Take Constructive Action to Feel Empowered: If you're anxious or feeling powerless, find ways to take constructive action so you feel empowered. Being proactive might mean different things in different situations. It might mean you take constructive action to deal with your anxiety by walking or exercising at a level that's appropriate for you. It might also mean seeking help from a licensed mental health professional. If you're upset about a social justice issue, you might volunteer with a large advocacy group to feel you're making a difference and to be around other like-minded individuals (xee my article: Living Authentically).

• Recognize You're Not "Perfect": Although these steps are presented in a linear way, the reality is that you might go through these steps in many different ways because progress isn't linear. Progress is often more like a spiral than a straight line. So, you might become more self aware, accept how things are in the moment, calm yourself and take constructive action--only to find yourself temporarily stuck in your own inertia. If this is your experience, accept it and begin again--no matter how many times you have to remind yourself of these steps. Repeating these steps where you are in any given moment helps you over time to progress--even if you take two steps forward and one step back each time. Be kind to yourself (see my articles: Overcoming Perfectionism and Perfectionism and Shame).

• Get Emotional Support: Supportive friends and loved ones can help you so you don't feel alone. Even if you feel that talking about your situation might not make a difference, talking often makes a difference in relieving stress. 

• Get Help in Therapy: If the situation is beyond the support of loved ones or you want additional support, consider getting help from a licensed mental health professional who can help you through the process while you develop the necessary tools and strategies you need. This can be especially important if your current situation is triggering unresolved trauma from the past.

Also see my articles:

Finding the Quiet Place Within Yourself

Reconnecting With Your Inner World Without Distractions

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

For over 20 years, I have helped many clients to overcome painful and stressful situations so they can lead more fulfilling lives (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

The Mind-Body Connection: Developing a Felt Sense of Your Internal Experiences

In a prior article, Developing Your Inner Sense of Being Calm, Grounded and Centered, I began a discussion about developing the ability to be calmer and more grounded and centered in your body. I also provided techniques for how to do that.  But what if you don't have a sense of what's going on in your body and you're having a hard time connecting? That's the topic for this article (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

Mind-Body Connection: Developing a Felt Sense of Your Internal Experience

Developing a Felt Sense of Your Body
Since the mind and the body are connected, it makes sense that what goes on in the body affects the mind and what goes on in the mind affects the body.

Most people are so accustomed to focusing on their thoughts that they don't have experience paying attention to their bodies.  When asked to sense into their bodies, they have no idea how to do this, so this is something I teach many clients in my psychotherapy private practice in New York City and I'll address in this article.

What is a Felt Sense?
A felt sense is an internal bodily awareness that develops as you become more attuned to what's going on in your body.

The concept of a felt sense was developed by the American philosopher, Eugene Gendlin, and it refers to the connection between the mind and the body.  According to Gendlin, who developed Focusing therapy, the felt sense is a combination of emotion, awareness, intuitiveness, and embodiment.

When people begin to practice getting a felt sense, the experience is often unclear to them. Initially, people often describe it as a vague sense of their inner experience.

On the most basic level, they might experience it as various sensations in their body, aches, tension, soreness, tightness and so on.

As they practice and become more attuned to their body, they might begin to become aware of other physical sensations as well as emotions that are linked to those sensations.

How to Begin to Develop a Felt Sense of Your Body
When I work with clients, I often teach them how to develop a felt sense of their body so they can be aware of their emotions and where they feel these emotions in their body.  This is a valuable skill to have in therapy because it allows you to sense what you're feeling and the progress you're making in therapy.

Whether you realize it or not, you've had the experience of having a felt sense of your body many times.  You just might not be accustomed to thinking about your experience in that way.

For instance, when you wake up in the morning and you have a vague sense that you have a sore throat, in order to figure out if your throat is dry or if you really have a sore throat, you might sense into your throat when you wake up, then again after you have a drink of water and later on when you have your coffee or tea.

This sensing in is an initial experience of having a felt sense, and it could include any part of your body.

You can practice doing this when you wake up in the morning by sensing into different parts of your body to develop an increased awareness of your body.

Becoming More Attuned to the Mind-Body Connection Through a Felt Sense
As you become more aware of what's going on in your body, you can begin to connect bodily awareness with your emotions.

I often teach my psychotherapy clients, who are disconnected from what's going on for them physically and emotionally, to develop this skill.

Since emotions are held in the body, you can begin to become more attuned by paying attention to muscle tension in your body.

For instance, you might become aware that whenever you feel angry, you feel tension in your stomach.  Or when you're anxious, you feel tension in your shoulders or lower back, and so on.

How Trauma Affects the Mind-Body Connection
By definition, trauma is a psychological response to an experience that's overwhelming for the individual. What matters is the individual's subjective experience of the event(s).  What might be overwhelming for one person might not be overwhelming for another.

When someone experiences trauma, s/he can lose an ability to experience the felt sense and the mind-body connection.  This is called "dissociation"  or "emotional numbing" which is a self-protecting mechanism to keep the traumatized person from being completely overwhelmed.

There are various degrees of dissociation on a spectrum from mild to severe.  Usually, the greater the impact of the trauma on the individual, the more dissociated s/he becomes.

Although this emotional and physical numbing is self protective, it also creates problems for the individual because s/he has a decreased awareness of emotions and bodily sensations (see my article: What is Emotional Numbing?).

Emotional numbing can decrease awareness of emotional pain but, unfortunately, it also decreases awareness of positive emotions too like joy and happiness.  It can create a feeling of emotional flatness and rob the individual of a rich emotional life.

Emotional numbing can make it difficult for the individual to know what s/he feels at any given time.  Aside from making it difficult for the individual, emotional numbing can create problems in a relationship (see my article: How Trauma Affects Relationships).

Getting Help in Therapy
Many people have a difficult time sensing the mind-body connection, especially if they have suppressed their emotional and bodily awareness because of traumatic experiences.

Experiential therapists, who use mind-body oriented therapy, like EMDR, Somatic Experiencing and AEDP, work with clients to overcome the clients' blocked sense of emotions and bodily sensations so they can be aware of their felt sense and live a richer, more fulfilling life (see my articles:  Why Experiential Therapy is More Effective Than Talk Therapy and Experiential Therapy Helps to Create Emotional Breakthroughs).

If you're struggling with unresolved problems that create obstacles for you emotionally and physically, you could benefit from working with an experiential therapist.

Many therapists, including me, are providing online therapy (also known as teletherapy or telehealth) while they're out of the office due to the COVID-19 crisis.

Overcoming your problems in therapy will allow to live your life to the fullest.

About Me
I am an experiential therapist who is licensed to provide psychotherapy services, which include psychodynamic psychotherapy, EMDR trauma therapy, AEDP, Somatic Experiencing, sex therapy, clinical hypnosis and EFT for couples.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Coping With Emotional Distress By Using the Somatic Experiencing Technique of Pendulation to Calm Yourself

In my prior article, Global Pandemic Causes Significant Increase in Anxiety and Depression, according to the findings of the World Health Organization (WHO), there has been a 25% increase in pandemic-related anxiety and depression.  

WHO also indicates that this increase in anxiety and depression is probably just the tip of the iceberg.  

Given these circumstances, individuals who are struggling emotionally need a way to cope with these emotions, and one way to cope is using pendulation.

Using Pendulation to Cope With Emotional Distress

What is Pendulation and How Can It Help You to Cope With Emotional Distress?

Pendulation is a concept which is part of Somatic Experiencing (SE) (see my article: Mind-Body Oriented Therapy: Somatic Experiencing).

SE is a mind-body oriented therapy, developed by Dr. Peter Levine, which helps individuals to heal from trauma.

Pendulation is a useful technique to help individuals to cope with distressing emotions--like the pandemic-related emotions described in my previous article or any other type of distressing emotion, including emotions related to psychological trauma.

Similar to the pendulum on a clock, pendulation involves a shifting back and forth of emotions or body sensations.

Pendulation is Similar to the Movement of a Pendulum on a Clock

Specifically, you start by identifying the distressful emotion or bodily sensation you're experiencing and locate it in your body.  

After you notice the distressful emotion/sensation and where it's located in your body, you find a neutral or calm point in your body and you shift your awareness back and forth (or pendulate) between the distressful and calm experiences.

An Example of Pendulation

For instance, if you identified sadness as the distressful emotion and you locate the sadness as being in your throat where you feel a constriction (a welling up of tears), you sense into other parts of your body to find a calm or neutral point.  

Let's say you detect a sense of calmness in your chest.  You stay with that sense of calmness for a moment to give yourself a chance to experience it.

Then, move back to the sadness in your throat and stay with that for a moment before you go back to the calmness in your chest. 

As you keep going back and forth between the sadness and the calmness, you are pendulating between the two emotions.

As you continue to pendulate back and forth, notice what how the sadness changes.  There is usually a shift due to the integration of the two emotions.

If you have difficulty finding a calm or neutral place within yourself, you can find an external resource, like looking at a glass of water or looking out the window at a tree, and so on.

What If You're Unable to Identify the Distressful Emotion?

There are many individuals with a history of trauma who have difficulty identifying emotions, especially distressful ones.  

They might know they're struggling with a difficult emotion, but they don't know if it's anger, sadness or any other emotion.

If this sounds familiar to you, you can still use pendulation even if you can't identify the emotion.  

For instance, you might know you have a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, but you don't associate any particular emotion with that sensation.

Even without knowing the distressful emotion, you can still locate an area in your body where you don't feel that sinking feeling--where you feel neutral or calm.  Then, you can shift your awareness back and forth between those two areas.

If you're working with an SE therapist, over time, you can learn to identify your emotions.  This takes practice. 

Even before you learn to identify specific emotions, you can use pendulation as a self help technique between therapy sessions to calm yourself.

How Does Pendulation Facilitate Emotional Healing?

According to Dr. Levine, pendulation is a natural process that facilitates emotional healing within the nervous system.

As previously mentioned, the shifting back and forth allows for an integration of these emotions, which facilitates healing.  

Pendulation Facilitates Emotional Healing

Whereas before you might have felt stuck in your distress, after you learn pendulation, you feel more emotionally resourced.  

Over time, as you sense the integration of emotions, you gain confidence that you can cope with uncomfortable emotions and you won't get stuck in a distressed state.  

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I work with individual adults and couples (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Developing Your Inner Sense of Being Grounded, Centered and Calm

During stressful times, it helps if you can feel an internal sense of being grounded, centered and calm (see my article: Grounding Techniques).  Feeling centered and grounded might not change your external circumstances, but it will help you to handle your circumstances with a sense of calm as well as a sense agency rather than a feeling powerless (see my article: Empowering Yourself During COVID-19: There Are Things You Can Control).

Developing Your Inner Sense of Being Grounded, Centered and Calm

Being able to detect a feeling of being centered, grounded and calm requires you to slow down and sense into your body, which I'll discuss later on in this article.

How Do You Know if You're Not Feeling Centered and Grounded?
First, let's talk about the opposite experience--when you're not feeling calm, centered and grounded, which can include:

• Experiencing anxiety and worry most of the time
• Creating or participating in emotional drama
• Feeling spaced out 
• Getting easily distracted
• Spending a lot of time worrying about how you look and what others think of you
• Having frequent sleep problems, including problems with falling or staying asleep (see my article: Tips on Getting Better Sleep)
• Experiencing chronic pain
• Having inflammation in your body
• Experiencing poor circulation in your body
• Feeling tired most of time

How to Develop a Sense of Being Grounded, Centered and Calm
As I mentioned earlier, you need to start by slowing down and noticing what's going on in your body.

Practice this at least once a day (more if you're feeling stressed at various times during the day or night):

• Find a quiet place for yourself in your home where you'll be undisturbed for at least 5-10 minutes (see my article: Reconnecting With Your Inner World Without Distractions).
• Depending upon your situation at home, this might mean getting up earlier than the rest of your family or taking a few minutes when it's quiet at another time of day, including bedtime.
• If there's no particular time when you usually have alone time, ask your family to allow you a few minutes to yourself (see my article: Is Self Care Selfish?). 
• Since both positive and negative emotions are often contagious, if you get calm and centered, it will help the rest of the family, including children,
• Sit up in a chair where you have back support and your feet touch the floor.

• Close your eyes (if you don't feel comfortable closing your eyes, find a spot on the floor to focus your attention so you're not distracted and your eyes aren't wandering around).

• Take a couple of regular breaths.
• After you have taken a couple of regular breaths, do a simple breathing exercise where you inhale and exhale through your nose (as opposed to your mouth).  Do this at your own pace:
• Breathe in to the count of 4
• Hold your breath for a count of 4
• Breathe out for 8
• Repeat as many times as required until you feel yourself getting calm

• Do the Body Scan meditation 
• When you do the Body Scan meditation, you're slowly sensing into your body to see where you're holding onto any tension.
• Wherever you sense tension in your body, imagine you could send your breath to that part of your body to help it relax.
• Thoughts will probably come up to distract you.  This is a common experience.  Imagine that you could take each thought and put it on a puffy white cloud so that it can float away, and then return to sensing into your body.

• Practice Breathing and the Body Scan meditation daily 
• If you're not accustomed to doing these exercises, you'll probably discover that they become easier with practice.
• It all starts with slowing down your mind and your body.

If you practice these exercises daily, but you're still having problems with sensing what's going on with your body, don't worry--this is a common experience that you can overcome.  I discuss this in my next article: The Mind-Body Connection: Developing a Felt Sense of Your Internal Experiences.

Conclusion

When you're going through a stressful time, as most of us are now during the COVID-19 crisis, it's easy to get overwhelmed physically and emotionally.

One way to get a handle on your stress is to start by slowing down and doing the exercises mentioned above to get more centered.

Getting Help in Therapy

You're not alone.   Many people are experiencing more stress than usual at this time, and they're having problems coping (see my article: Common Reactions During a Crisis: Fear and Anxiety).

During times of high stress, unresolved problems from the past can get triggered and they can feel overwhelming.  

Most therapists, including me, are offering online therapy (also called teletherapy or telehealth) while they're out of the office due to COVID-19 (see my article: The Advantages of Online Therapy When You Can't Meet With Your Therapist in Person).

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed psychotherapist.  

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Coping and Staying Calm During the COVID-19 Crisis

The worldwide pandemic of COVID-19 has been unprecendented in terms of the human health toll it has had as well as the emotional strain it has placed on nearly everyone.  Learning to cope and stay calm during this extraordinary time is essential.

Coping and Staying Calm During the COVID-19 Crisis

Aside from the reliable health tips that are being recommended by medical professionals, here are some helpful tips for coping and staying calm.

Tips For Coping and Staying Calm During the Current Crisis:

• Set Up a Routine for Yourself During this Health Emergency: As much as possible, try to set up a daily routine for yourself.  It's easy to fall into the habit of staying in bed all day in your pajamas watching the news or other TV programs.  Rather than falling into habits that will only make you feel more anxious, have a routine for waking up, doing indoor exercise that is appropriate for you, and accomplishing tasks that you need to complete.
• Take Breaks From Watching or Reading the News: While it's important to remain informed, you will only make yourself that much more anxious if you spend most of the day watching or reading about the news.  Take regular breaks. Get up, stretch, call a friend or engage in an unrelated calming activity.
• Connect With Others: It's easy to feel isolated and lonely when you're unable to see friends, family and other loved ones in person.  Make an effort to connect over the phone or online with loved ones.  Even connecting a few minutes for mutual support can make a big difference in how you feel.  Check in regularly with your loved ones.  Even those who are physically well can feel lonely (see my article: Solitude vs Feeling Lonely).

Connect With Friends, Family and Loved Ones

• Take Time to Unwind and De-Stress:  Whether you do a simple breathing exercise or close your eyes and remember a time and place where you felt relaxed, taking the time to unwind and manage your stress is important (see my article: Self Soothing Techniques to Use to Calm Yourself).
• Get Enough Sleep and Eat Nutriously: Getting 7-8 hours sleep, taking naps during the day as needed, and eating nutritious meals is important for maintaining good health.  To get a restful sleep, avoid watching or reading the news before you go to sleep.  Instead, develop a calming wind down routine at least a half hour before you plan to go to sleep.
• Keep Things in Perspective: Recognize that this crisis will inevitably come to an end at some point.  

Getting Help in Therapy
Many psychotherapists are doing phone and online sessions for clients during this time when they cannot see clients in person.

If you find your anxiety becoming unmanageable, you can seek help from a psychotherapist in your area--even if it's on a temporary basis to get you through this difficult time.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individuals and couples.

Since the COVID-19 crisis, I have been providing telephone and online sessions for clients who live in New York State.

Some sliding scale or reduced fees are available for new clients based on availability at the time you contact me, your household income and whether you will receive a reimbursement from out of network insurance.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Staying Calm When You're in the Middle of Chaos

"You are the sky.  Everything else--it's just the weather:" Pema Chodron

Staying Calm When You're in the Middle of Chaos

The ability to stay calm during chaotic times is a natural ability for some people who seem to be able to stay focused and centered despite the chaos that is going on around them.

For other people, it's a matter of developing and practicing this skill.

Staying Calm When You're in the Middle of Chaos

The good news is that this skill can be learned by most people, and practicing can increase your ability to use this skill.

Ideally, the best time to learn to develop the ability to stay calm during stressful times is when things are relatively calm in your life.

But it doesn't always happen that way, so here are some tips for how to stay calm during chaotic or stressful times:

Tips for Staying Calm During Chaos

• Remember to Breathe:  This might sound strange, but it's often the case that when we're under stress or pressure, our breathing becomes shallow, and some people don't realize that they've stopped breathing for seconds at a time.  Also, breathing in a shallow way can make you more anxious.  So, remembering to take a couple of deep breaths can be very helpful (also see my article:  Learning to Relax: Square Breathing).

• Take Breaks:  Often when we're going through chaotic or stressful times, we think that it's better to keep going nonstop. But making yourself exhausted will only add to your stress.  If you're not in a situation that's an emergency that requires immediate action (like leaving a burning building), it's important to take breaks--even if the breaks are 5 or 10 minutes.  Taking time to regroup can help you to approach the situation feeling refreshed.

• Stop and Think:  Rather than leaping into action impulsively and working yourself and others into a panic, stop and think, even if it's for a moment, about what's needed in this situation.  Certain situations require immediate action, but many situations would be better handled by reflecting first on what's needed before taking action hastily.  

• Recognize What You Can and Can't Control:  This isn't always easy to see.  But when it's clear that there are elements of the situation that are beyond your control, don't waste your time and effort on things that you can't change.  Try to solve what you can as efficiently and effectively as you can, and leave the bigger issues to those who are equipped and responsible for handling them.

• Maintain a Balanced Perspective:  This suggestion goes along with Stop and Think.  During a chaotic situation, it's easy to lose perspective and panic.  Many people, who lose their perspective, end up making the wrong decisions and that makes the situation worse.  By keeping your perspective and asking yourself how you (and those close to you) are directly affected by the situation, you can approach the problem with a clear mind and make better decisions.

• Maintain Your Healthy Routines:  Some people become so consumed with problem solving or "putting out fires" during chaotic times that they abandon the healthy routines that help them to cope.  Although you might need to modify your routines during stressful times (depending upon what's going on), you can make your situation even more stressful if you completely abandon the healthy routines that help you on a regular basis, like going to the gym, meditating or whatever you do to maintain a sense of well-being.

• Maintain a Healthy Attitude:  Your perspective about life and situations at hand affect how you think and feel about these situations as well as how you react to them.  It's important to be able to take a step back, even if it's momentarily, to be mindful of how you're responding to the situation that you're dealing with at the time.  If you know yourself well enough to know that you tend to see "the glass as half empty" rather than "half full" most of the time, ask yourself if this attitude is affecting how you're dealing with the problem that you're facing and if you're seeing it in an overly negative way.

• Get Emotional Support: It's important to stay in contact with people who are emotionally supportive.  Even if supportive friends or family aren't directly involved in the situation, just being able to talk it out can help relieve stress and remind you that there are people who care about you.

Getting Help in Therapy
At times, despite your best efforts, if you're overwhelmed, you might need the help of a licensed mental health professional to assist you emotionally.

A skilled therapist can help you not just to manage the chaos that you're in, but s/he can also assist you to develop healthy coping skills that would help you in any difficult situation.

Getting Help in Therapy

An experienced psychotherapist can also help you to see if the current situation is triggering emotions from old unresolved emotional wounds and help you to work through prior trauma.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also see my article:  The Mind-Body Connection: Mindfulness Meditation

Self Help Tips For Staying Calm During Uncertain Times - Part 1

At one time or another, we've all experienced anxiety that's fueled by uncertainty.  We live in uncertain times, and learning how to tolerate uncertainty and to stay calm is important to overall health and well-being.  But how can you really learn to stay calm in the face of uncertainty? I will begin this discussion today by describing this common problem, and in my next article, I'll discuss how I help clients using a mind-body oriented approach to therapy.

Staying Calm During Uncertain Times

Anxiety and Self Doubt, Fueled By Uncertainty, Is a Common Problem
As a psychotherapist in NYC, I see many clients who come to therapy because they're feeling anxious and filled with self doubt about uncertain aspects of their lives.  Unfortunately, for many people, uncertainty permeates every aspect of their lives.   This makes it difficult for them to cope and maintain a sense of emotional balance.

Uncertainty in Our Personal Lives and at Work
Uncertainty can occur in just about any area of our lives, including our personal lives and at work.    The ambiguity that is involved with uncertainty can cause a lot of stress, especially if you allow yourself to go over and over a situation in your mind trying to figure out every angle, every possibility, and every possible solution.

Worrying About Uncertainty Makes You Feel Worse
The more you allow yourself to worry, the more anxious you'll become because, in many situations like this, there are too many unknowns that you can't control, and worrying obsessively only makes you feel worse and less able to cope with the problem.

Let's take a look at an all too common example of uncertainty:
Imagine that you're dating someone that you really like. You always look forward to seeing this person, and she (or he) seems to really like you too.  All along, everything seems to be going well. It looks like this could develop into a wonderful relationship.  Usually, you talk or text every couple of days.

But then, suddenly, out of the blue, you stop hearing from her (or him) for several days.  You leave phone messages and send email, but you hear nothing.  There's only silence and a rising sense in you of uncertainty and anxiety as you wonder what happened.

Uncertainty Can Lead to Anxiety and Self Doubt
This type of situation, and the uncertainty that goes with it, would cause many people to feel anxious.  They would wonder if they were responsible, somehow, for this sudden lack of communication.  A lot of people would obsess about what they said or did during the last date that might have caused this sudden estrangement.

As Anxiety and Self Doubt Build, Even a Negative Response is Preferable to None
A clear answer is usually preferable to ongoing uncertainty, and most people would rather have a definitive answer, even if the answer is "I don't want to see you any more" than to continue to wait and wonder.

Often, in situations like this, the need for clarity can lead to making mistakes as self doubt and anxiety build to an intolerable level.

Anxiety and Self Doubt Can Lead to Regrettable Mistakes
So, let's say you're in this situation, your imagination takes over and your thoughts are off to the races:  "Maybe she (or he) started dating someone else that she likes better and she doesn't want to see me any more."  And as anxiety and self doubt build inside you, you might say to yourself, "She's got some nerve brushing me off this way!  Who does she think she is, anyway?" and you might allow yourself to get carried away by your thoughts and send an angry text in haste.

Then, a day or so later, you get a text back and she tells you that she has been home very sick with a nasty flu, so sick that she couldn't even pick up the phone or write or read a text.  But the first text she saw, as she started to feel a little better, was your angry text, which made her feel awful.  She says that she'd rather not date anyone who can be so cruel, and she asks you not to contact her any more.

So, maybe you wouldn't go as far as sending an angry text, but it's not hard to imagine that many people would.  The point is that in this case and many other similar examples, the anxiety that was fueled by uncertainty and self doubt can lead to your making big mistakes because the imagination conjured up the worst case scenario.

Maybe the situation can be salvaged or maybe not.  But this example highlights the need to be able to develop the capacity to tolerate uncertainty with a sense of calm and emotional balance.

The Mind-Body Connection: Mind-Body Oriented Psychotherapy
Over the years, I've discovered mind-body oriented psychotherapy is usually the most effective type of therapy for learning to deal with anxiety that is fueled by uncertainty.   

In upcoming blog articles, I'll give you tips on what you can do for yourself to help you get through difficult times.  

I'll also discuss how I use the mind-body connection and, specifically, clinical hypnosis, Somatic Experiencing therapy, and EMDR to help clients to develop the capacity to stay calm during uncertain times.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individuals and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW -- NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also see:  Staying Calm During Uncertain Times - Part 2

Wellness: Safe Place Meditation

In the prior post, Wellness and Meditation I explored basic meditative techniques. I suggested that you can start by focusing on your breath.

Safe Place Meditation

Safe Place Meditation
As I mentioned in the prior post, there are many different types of meditation. One type of meditation that I usually teach clients is called the Safe Place meditation, which I'll explore in this post.

Now, "safe" is a relative term. For some people, possibly due to their history of trauma, there might not be anywhere that they can visualize that would be "safe." So, if you're not comfortable with the words "safe place," you can think of it as a relaxing, peaceful place. Over time, practice usually makes it easier.

As I mentioned in the prior post, assuming that you're in a good place to meditate (never when you're drving or when you need to be fully alert), start by closing your eyes and focusing on your breath. After a few relaxing breaths, picture a relaxing, peaceful place. It might be a beach or your favorite place in the countryside or wherever it feels most relaxing to you.

Whatever place you choose, look around in your mind's eye and notice what's there--the colors, shapes and patterns of things around you. Really take time to notice. 

Then, notice what sounds you "hear" in this place. So, if you're at the beach, maybe you hear the sound of the waves as they crash along the shore or maybe you hear the sea gulls as they fly over the water. 

Then, just notice any scents you might "smell." Once again, if you're at the beach, maybe you smell the salt from the water. 

You might also "taste" the salt. Notice any sensations you might "feel." At the beach, you might feel the breeze coming off the water or the coolness of the water against your toes or maybe you feel the gentle heat from the sun warming your body.

If any distracting thoughts come to mind, as they often do for most people, just notice them and let them go. Let them drift by like clouds passing by overhead. 

When you're ready to return, take a couple of deep breaths. You can wiggle your fingers or toes so that you're alert and fully present in your environment. Then, open your eyes.

Meditation Practice
Meditation takes practice. If you have difficulty visualizing or imagining using your other senses, don't worry about it. It usually becomes easier over time. 

In the meantime, enjoy the Safe Place meditation.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

To find out more about me, please visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

Please feel free to call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me to set up an appointment.