A "Flight Into Health" as an Escape From Therapy

In a prior article, Overcoming the Urge for "a Flight Into Health," I discussed a particular dynamic that comes up with many clients as they talk about childhood abuse.  In this current article, I'm focusing on childhood neglect, which is often more difficult to detect than abuse, and how it can affect relationship choices as an adult.

See my articles: 

What is Childhood Emotional Neglect?

What is the Connection Between Childhood Emotional Neglect and Problems Later on in Adult Relationships? 

As an Adult, Overcoming the Effects of Childhood Trauma).

"A Flight Into Health" as an Escape From Therapy

In psychotherapy, the term "a flight into health" implies that the client leaves therapy abruptly out of fear, telling herself that she no longer needs therapy.  This often happens when something comes up in therapy that the person is frightened by and not ready to deal with at that point.

This doesn't mean that the client is lying or trying to fool the therapist.  Usually, the client really believes that s/he is ready to leave therapy but, based on whatever came up just before the client decides to leave, the therapist usually knows that this is a defensive gesture on the client's part that comes from fear.

An astute psychotherapist will try to reengage the client to discuss what came up and what might have frightened the client.

If the therapist and client have a good rapport, the client might be willing to come back for another session to explore whatever might have come up to cause him or her to leave.

If the therapist and client haven't established a rapport, the client might not be open to exploring this further because s/he really believes everything is okay or, even if s/he knows things aren't okay, s/he might feel too emotionally vulnerable to explore it further.

A Fictionalized Scenario
Let's take a look at a fictionalized scenario, based on many cases, which deals with a "flight into health" involving a history of childhood emotional neglect:

Mary
Mary started therapy because she wanted to make healthier relationship choices (see my articles: Choosing Unhealthy Relationships: Bad Luck or Poor Choices?, Falling In love With "Mr. Wrong" Over and Over Again and Choosing Healthier Romantic Relationships.

She attended a few sessions with a psychotherapist who was recommended to her, and told the therapist about her tendency to get involved with men who were in and out of life.

The relationships usually started out well.  With each relationship, Mary thought there was a possibility for a long term relationship.  But whenever she and the current man in her life would became more serious, the man disappeared.

Mary was very confused and hurt about these dynamics and wanted to stop choosing men who turned out to be so unreliable.

By the second session, the therapist asked Mary to share her family history, and Mary said she thought she had "a very good childhood."  But when she talked about her parents, she was very vague, and the therapist had to ask questions in order to understand the family dynamic.

A "Flight Into Health" as an Escape From Therapy 

As a result of the therapist's questions, Mary alluded to her father being around sometimes and not around other times.  But as soon as she said this, Mary looked uncomfortable and guarded.

She folded her arms in front of her chest, and said, "He was a very good father, even if he wasn't around all the time.  He had a rough childhood himself and I don't hold it against him that he would sometimes have to disappear for months at a time."

Having said this, Mary appeared upset.  She told the therapist that, until now, she never thought about how similar the dynamics were between her and her boyfriends and her and her father.

Since Mary was the one who made this connection, the therapist asked Mary what it was like to realize this.  But Mary was at a loss for words.

Mary remained quiet for a while, and then she said that she needed to leave the session early.  The therapist tried to help Mary to calm down, but Mary told the therapist that she was "alright"--she just needed to leave.  She said she would come in for her session next week.

But a few days before her next session, Mary left a message on the therapist's voicemail, at a time when she knew the therapist wasn't there, saying she was "feeling better" and no longer needed to come in.

Her therapist knew that Mary was bothered by what came up in the prior session, and she tried to reach Mary a few times, but Mary didn't return her phone calls.

Several months later, after being hurt and disappointed again by another man, Mary resumed therapy with the same therapist.

Initially, she was defensive, saying that she didn't want to talk about her family, "After all, my parents both did the best that they could."

When her therapist asked Mary why she left the last time, Mary didn't respond to the question.  She said she only wanted to focus on her current life and what she could do to find a man who would treat her well.

As soon as she said that, she began to sob and told her therapist, "I don't even know why I'm crying."

Her therapist realized that Mary wasn't ready to make any further connections between her father and the unconscious choices she was making about the men in her life.

She knew she had to develop more of a rapport with Mary.

The therapist also knew that  they would need to go slowly, and she would need to help Mary with the anxiety about these issues--otherwise, Mary would become too anxious again and she might take another "flight into health." And next time, she might not come back.

Her therapist suggested that they begin by working on coping skills and helping Mary to develop internal resources.

Based on their work together, Mary began to meditate for 10 minutes in the morning and at night.  She also started a beginners yoga class.  In addition, her therapist helped Mary to visualize a relaxing place so that whenever she felt anxious, she could imagine herself going there.

As the holidays approached, Mary talked about trying to decide if she wanted to go home to see her family or not.  She still maintained that she had "a very good childhood," but she also expressed her strong ambivalence about going home.

When her therapist asked Mary about this, Mary started getting agitated, so her therapist suggested that Mary visualize the relaxing place, do the breathing exercises she taught her, and then they could resume talking about her family--if Mary wanted to do it.  Her therapist made it clear that it was up to Mary if they talked about the upcoming holiday and her family or not.

After Mary relaxed a little, she said she didn't want to make it sound like there were problems in her family home.  She said, "Far from it..."  But she was unable to articulate why she had mixed feelings about going home to her parents.

By the next session, Mary brought in a dream:  She was five years old and she was waiting for her father by the window that faced the street.

In the dream, every time she saw a man walking towards the house, she got excited because she thought it was her father.  But each time the man got closer, she could see that it wasn't her father and she was disappointed each time. The dream ended with Mary waiting and waiting and her father never showed up.

After she told the dream, Mary burst into tears.  She remembered being that little girl by the window many times, hoping to see her father, but he didn't come.

Her therapist was listening and sensing what was going on for Mary and if she would be able to explore this further.  Rather than push her to go somewhere where she wasn't ready to go, she would take her cues from Mary (see my article: The Therapist's Empathic Attunement and The Creation of the Holding Environment in Therapy).

Mary seemed to be in her own world, as if she was back in the dream, "I don't understand why my father came and went like that.  I know he loved us, but he would just suddenly leave without saying a word and we never knew when he was coming back."

Her therapist remained attuned to Mary and stayed close to Mary's experience, reflecting back to her how difficult that must have been for such a young girl.  Mary nodded her head.

By the end of the session, Mary told her therapist that she felt supported by her and she was grateful for that.  She had never felt so supported in her life before.

During the next few sessions, Mary continued to talk about the dream and how it reflected her childhood experience with her father.  She went back and forth between feeling sad and defending her father vs. telling her therapist what a good man he was.

When Mary felt comfortable, they did "parts work" where Mary imagined her younger self sitting next to her and she spoke to her younger self to soothe and reassure her.

Then, her therapist asked her to switch roles and be her younger self and ask Mary for what she needed.  Mary said she felt soothed by these exercises.

When she came in the next time, she talked about a recent dream where she was sitting on the couch next to her five year old self, holding and rocking her.  She said she felt the sadness from her younger self, but her younger self also felt comforted, and Mary was happy that she could do this for her.

Several months later, Mary came in and told her therapist that she thought she felt a little more comfortable now exploring the connection between her relationship with her father and her relationships with the various men that she dated.

Her therapist said they could do this, but she wanted Mary to tell her if she began to feel like she wanted to leave therapy.  She asked Mary to talk about it, if she could, rather than acting on it.

Mary said she would try to do this, and she said she might feel like leaving, but she really wanted to stay and talk about it, especially now that she felt a stronger bond with the therapist.

A "Flight Into Health" as an Escape From Therapy

Gradually, over time, Mary was less defensive and she was able to express her sadness and anger about her father's erratic behavior when she was a child.

She also began to understand how she was unconsciously repeating these experiences in her current life by choosing men who would behave in a similar way as her father.  Unconsciously, she was repeating this behavior in the hope that there would be a different outcome.  This is called repetition compulsion in psychotherapy.

This was a big step for Mary, and it was the beginning of her healing process.

She admitted that talking about this felt a little anxiety provoking, but her anxiety was no where near what it had been.  She also felt good that she could say this, and it didn't feel nearly as frightening as it did when she first made the connection on her own when she began therapy.

Conclusion
A "flight into health" is a reaction that many people in therapy have when something comes up in therapy that causes them to feel anxious and they're not ready to deal with it.

This is usually an unconscious response.  At that point, the client is often convinced that whatever symptoms or problems brought them into therapy are now gone--they're "better" now.

If clients in this situation remain long enough for the therapist to help them to develop the skills to cope with their fear, they can eventually go back, when the client is ready, to explore together what was too frightening before.

When clients leave therapy, as in the fictionalized vignette above about "Mary," they often return at some point because they become aware that their problems aren't really gone.  It just seemed that way because they convinced themselves of it out of fear.

At that point, the client and therapist can strengthen the therapeutic alliance between them by allowing the client to set the pace.

Most skilled psychotherapists know that it's counterproductive to push clients beyond where they can go emotionally, especially if they're not feeling safe.

It's better to take a step back and help the client to develop the necessary internal resources so that if and when the client becomes ready, s/he can feel more confident to deal with whatever comes up, knowing that the therapist is there for them.

Getting Help in Therapy
It's often comforting for clients to know that if they've taken "a flight into health" that they're not the only ones who have ever experienced this.

If you recognize this dynamic in yourself, you can be assured that an experienced psychotherapist understands this dynamic.

Whether you return to your former therapist or decide to see someone else, you're not alone.  You can think of the"flight into health" as a temporary obstacle that a skilled therapist can help you to overcome.

Being afraid and ambivalent about exploring uncomfortable personal problems is normal.

It's also alright to tell a therapist that you're uncomfortable, and the two of you can work together to help you get to the point where you feel more comfortable.

The first step is making the phone call to get help.

Freedom from a traumatic history allows you to live a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

One of my specialties is helping clients to overcome emotional trauma.

To set up a consultation, you can call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

Psychotherapy, Trauma and Meditation

Many people come to therapy to deal with unresolved trauma, whether it's a recent trauma or longstanding trauma from childhood.

Psychotherapy, Trauma and Meditation

Over the years, I've found a mind-body oriented approach to processing trauma in psychotherapy, like EMDR, clinical hypnosis or Somatic Experiencing, to be the most effective therapy for many clients who want to work through unresolved trauma.

No matter which approach I use for trauma therapy, if a client is open to it, I often like to end a session by taking the last 5 or 10 minutes to guide the client through a meditation.

Why Use Meditation at the End of a Therapy Session?
A brief meditation at the end of a session usually provides a client with the following beneficial effects:

• A reduction in stress
• A reduction in anxiety
• A sense of feeling calmer
• A sense of being emotionally grounded
• A sense of feeling whole again after processing trauma
• An awareness that, even after dealing with difficult emotions, it's possible to shift into a more relaxed state

Using Meditation in Therapy to Shift Into a Calmer State After Processing Trauma
The last item on the list above, an awareness that you can shift your emotional state from fear or anxiety (or other difficult emotions) to a relaxed state, is important because many people are afraid to come to therapy to deal with trauma because they think that processing the trauma will be too overwhelming and it will make them feel worse.

Many clients are often surprised that, even though they've just dealt with traumatic memories in a therapy session, it's possible, with a few minutes of meditation, to make this shift so, rather than feeling emotionally overwhelmed, they feel like they can "face the world again" when they leave my office.

If a client likes a particular meditation that I do, like the Safe or Relaxing Place meditation , I ask him or her to bring in a recording device so that we can record the meditation during the session which the client can then be use between therapy sessions.

They also become aware that when they're dealing with difficult emotions between sessions, they have a way that they calm and soothe themselves.

For clients who have a history of trauma, this can be very empowering, especially for clients who, prior to therapy, felt they didn't have the capacity to take care of themselves in this way.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Tips for Overcoming Shyness

Are you uncomfortable about attending social events because of your shyness?  Is the thought of attending an after work activity with your coworkers enough to make you want to hide with the covers over your head?

If you're tend an introvert rather than an extrovert, you don't need to change your whole personality in order to overcome your shyness.

Tips For Overcoming Shyness

The following tips can help you to overcome shyness so that you learn to actually enjoy yourself during social events:

Prepare Before the Social Event
If you fear that you'll have nothing to say or that people won't find you interesting, think about some topics that you might talk about.

If you happen to know that you and other people at the party enjoy yoga, consider this as a topic that you might bring up to get the conversation going.

Allow the Hostess to Introduce You to Like-Minded People
Hostesses (or hosts) who are adept at giving parties know how to introduce certain people that they think might hit it off.

If you have a hostess with good people skills who is aware that certain guests share particular interests, she might introduce you to others by saying something like, "Joe, this is Alice.  I thought you'd like to meet each other because you both share an interest in jazz."

Although this isn't something you can always rely on, when it happens, it can help you to overcome some of the awkwardness you might feel in a social situation.

Learn to Focus on Others, Instead of Yourself, at Social Events
Shy people often feel so self conscious at social events that they're afraid that they'll have nothing interesting to say and no one will want to talk to them.

Being shy and fearing social events can keep shy people locked in a state of self absorption, which only makes matters worse.

Tips for Overcoming Shyness:  Focus on Others at Social Events

Rather than focusing on yourself and all the deficiencies you fear others will find in you, try to forget about yourself and focus on the other people at the party or social event.

Get curious and develop an interest in the other people who are there.

Asking appropriate questions of the strangers that you meet at a party (i.e., how they know the host) can be an ice breaker and give you and others a topic to talk about that could lead to other topics.

Showing an interest in others also allows you to forget about your own feelings of being self conscious.

Be Aware of Your Body Language and the Social Signals That You're Sending Out
Without even realizing, many people who are shy come across as if they're unfriendly, rather than shy, because they're sending out the wrong signal to others at social events.

If you're sitting hunched over in the corner and avoiding eye contact with others, chances are that people will think you're unapproachable rather than thinking that you're shy.

Learn to maintain an open posture and smile.  Not only will this make you appear more approachable, but it might be helpful to others who might also be shy.

Think About How You Can Put Others at Ease
If you can stop focusing on your own shyness, as I mentioned, you might realize that there are other people, besides you, who are also struggling with shyness.

If you can find ways to help put others to feel more at ease, not only will this be helpful to others, but it can also be helpful to you.

One possible way to help yourself and others to be more at ease is to volunteer to help out in some way at the social event.

So, for instance, if you've been invited to a party, you can ask the hostess if you can help to show people around the garden or help with the drinks.

Being involved with a task related to the party can help you to feel like you're more a part of the event.  And, you'll also be adding to other people's comfort and ease.

Learn to Calm Yourself:  Remember to Breathe
When people feel shy or anxious, they often breathe in shallow ways, which only adds to their discomfort.

As simple as it sounds, taking a deep breath can help to calm your body and your mind.

One particular breathing exercise that is particularly helpful is called Square Breathing.
See my article:  Learning to Relax: Square Breathing.

Another exercise you can try before you go to a social event is called Safe Place Meditation.

Getting Help in Therapy
If these simple tips aren't helpful to you and your shyness is really getting in the way of your personal life and your career, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who has expertise with this issue.  It's possible that your problem isn't just shyness but, possibly, something more deep seated.

People who are able to overcome shyness are relieved to be able to socialize and meet others without feeling hampered by feeling self conscious and socially awkward.  By getting help, you can also learn to overcome your shyness so you can feel more confident in social situations.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Resilience: Tips on Coping with Life's Inevitable Ups and Downs

A few years ago, I had an opportunity to talk to a friend's elderly mother about her resilience and I wrote about it in my blog post called Resilience: Bouncing Back From Life's Challenges.

Today, I would like to focus on the topic of resilience and provide some tips on how you can learn to become more resilient so you can cope with life's inevitable ups and downs.

Resilience: Tips on Coping With Life's Ups and Downs

Tips on Coping With Life's Ups and Downs:
Manage Your Stress:  Stress is an inevitable part of life.  It's important that you manage your stress so that you don't become overwhelmed by being in a constant state of stress.  Here are some suggestions:

• Exercise Regularly: Whether your regular exercise is walking, stretching, running, going to the gym, taking an exercise class or doing yoga, regular exercise that's the right level for you and that you enjoy can make all the difference in managing your stress and elevating your mood.

• Meditate:  Spending at least a few minutes a day meditating can also help relieve stress.  There are many different ways to meditate.  I usually teach my psychotherapy clients to do a meditation called the Safe Place meditation (also called the Relaxing Place meditation).  See my blog article:  Wellness: Safe Place Meditation for more details on how you can learn to do relatively simple, enjoyable meditation.

• Use Humor to Have Fun:  Most people don't usually equate psychotherapy with having fun, but in my blog article, Humor Can Be an Effective Tool in Psychotherapy, I discuss how many of my clients, who are starting to feel better, can often see the humorous side of a situation that they might not have been able to see before.  When it's used in a tactful way, humor can be an effective way of managing stress and building a sense of resilience.  A sense of humor can be a great source of inner strength and fun.

• Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle:  Eating nutritiously, getting enough sleep, and reducing your alcohol intake are all part of a healthy lifestyle.  In a prior blog article, Tips For Self Care for Caregivers, I discuss the importance of self care. The article focuses on caregivers, but most of the tips that I give can apply to anyone.

• Build Up Your Self Esteem:  How you feel about yourself can affect how you deal with life's ups and downs.  If you're putting yourself down and engaging in negative self talk, it's going to be that much harder for you to deal with the stressors in your life.  In two prior blog articles that I wrote, Developing Self Esteem and a Sense of Self Mastery and Are You Sabotaging Yourself With Negative Self Talk?, I address these issues and provide some tips on how to boost your self esteem.

• Keep Things in Perspective:  Ask yourself:  How many times have you worried about a particular problem only to find that the problem isn't as bad as you thought?  Worrying about the problem didn't help, and it might have actually gotten in the way of your being able to problem solve.  Being able to keep things in perspective can help you become more aware of what's really important to you and what's not.  Sometimes, you have to let go of certain things that, in the long run, really aren't that important.  In my blog article, Accepting the Things You Cannot Change and Having the Courage to Change the Things You Can, I discuss this important concept which is a central part of most recovery programs.  In my blog article, Are You Overreacting to Routine Disappointments?, I discuss how you can learn to let go of routine disappointments so you're not constantly overreacting.

• Find Meaning in Your Life:  In my blog article, A Search For a Meaningful Life, I discuss Victor Frankl, a psychoanalyst who was developed Logotherapy and who has been an inspiration to millions of people.  Dr. Frankl was a holocaust survivor.  Even at the lowest point in his life while he was in a Nazi concentration camp and he thought his beloved wife was probably dead, he found meaning in the every day things of life.  His attitude was that although his captors could imprison his body, they couldn't imprison his mind. Finding meaning in your life is often a matter of becoming more aware of the things you have to be grateful for, even in the midst of adversity.  Most of us have never had to go through the ordeals that Victor Frankl endured, so it's worthwhile to ask yourself what you're focusing on:  Do you tend to focus on the negative to the exclusion of seeing the positive things in your life?

• Stay Connected With Your Emotional Support System:  Having supportive friends and family can make a tremendous difference when it comes to managing stress.  Talking about things that are bothering you can help alleviate stress.  At the same time, it's important to choose wisely when it comes to talking about your problems.  You want to choose people that you trust and that you know have your best interests at heart.

A Short Scenario of Being Resilient and Coping With Life's Ups and Downs:

Mary:
Mary is a friend who is a hospital emergency room social worker.  She has one of the most stressful jobs you can have in health care, and she's been doing this job for over 15 years.  Everyday she deals with a steady stream of patients who are in crisis either physically or mentally.

Mary told me that she has seen many other ER social workers with a lot less time on the job who have crashed and burned under the unrelenting stress.  So, I asked her how she has been able to deal with her stressful job at the same time that she is raising a family, and the things she told me are the same tips that I've provided above.

First:  Mary starts everyday by either going to the gym or going for a long walk before she gets to her job.  On the days when she doesn't have time to get to the gym, she gets off the subway one stop before her regular train stop and walks the rest of the way.  It takes her an extra 15 minutes, but she feels it's worth it in terms of managing her stress.

Second:  During her lunch hour, she finds an empty office and listens to guided meditation recordings that help her to relax.  She told me, "I can feel my whole body start to relax as I listen to the meditation and feel myself being transported to a relaxing place in my mind."

Third:  Mary told me that it's very tempting, especially when she's busy, to grab whatever junk food she  might find at the lobby news stand, but she makes sure she brings a healthy lunch with her so she's not tempted to eat junk, which might be momentarily gratifying, but will make eventually pack on the pounds.

Fourth:  Mary and her colleagues spend time, even if it's a few minutes, talking about their day.  They also usually find something funny to joke about to relieve stress.

Fifth:  Mary has a lot of good close friends that she talks to on a regular basis.  She has even maintained college friendships. She has also developed new friendships among colleagues.  She has one of the best emotional support systems of all the people that I know.

Sixth:  Since Mary has been a competent ER social worker for a long time, so she has a good sense of her self worth.  Even when she might be dealing with a difficult administrator, she maintains her cool and keeps her sense of perspective.

There are times when there are fatalities in the ER, which are difficult for everyone.  But Mary has learned to deal with these traumatic incidents by asking herself if she did everything possible that she could to help the patient.  If she knows she did everything she could, she doesn't blame herself.  She and her colleagues also support one another through those difficult times.

Seventh:  Last, but not least, Mary finds a lot of meaning in her personal life as well as in her career.  On most days, she feels grateful for the loving people and good things in her life.  Although she isn't part of a formal religion, she has a sense of spirituality in nature, and she tries to be in nature as often as possible because she finds it nurturing.

Mary has had plenty of adversity in her life, but she has developed the capacity to bounce back because of her resilience and her strong support system.

Getting Help in Therapy
Not everyone is as fortunate as Mary to have developed resilience and have a strong support system.  Many people are struggling on their own and they haven't developed the resilience to deal with life's adversity.

Even people who have a strong support system often find that there are times in their lives when they need the help of a licensed mental health practitioner.

If you feel overwhelmed by your problems, rather than struggling on your own, you could benefit from seeing a licensed psychotherapist who has experience helping clients to become more resilient so they can overcome their problems.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples, and I have helped many psychotherapy clients to overcome their problems so they can lead more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my web site: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Wellness: Safe Place Meditation

In the prior post, Wellness and Meditation I explored basic meditative techniques. I suggested that you can start by focusing on your breath.

Safe Place Meditation

Safe Place Meditation
As I mentioned in the prior post, there are many different types of meditation. One type of meditation that I usually teach clients is called the Safe Place meditation, which I'll explore in this post.

Now, "safe" is a relative term. For some people, possibly due to their history of trauma, there might not be anywhere that they can visualize that would be "safe." So, if you're not comfortable with the words "safe place," you can think of it as a relaxing, peaceful place. Over time, practice usually makes it easier.

As I mentioned in the prior post, assuming that you're in a good place to meditate (never when you're drving or when you need to be fully alert), start by closing your eyes and focusing on your breath. After a few relaxing breaths, picture a relaxing, peaceful place. It might be a beach or your favorite place in the countryside or wherever it feels most relaxing to you.

Whatever place you choose, look around in your mind's eye and notice what's there--the colors, shapes and patterns of things around you. Really take time to notice. 

Then, notice what sounds you "hear" in this place. So, if you're at the beach, maybe you hear the sound of the waves as they crash along the shore or maybe you hear the sea gulls as they fly over the water. 

Then, just notice any scents you might "smell." Once again, if you're at the beach, maybe you smell the salt from the water. 

You might also "taste" the salt. Notice any sensations you might "feel." At the beach, you might feel the breeze coming off the water or the coolness of the water against your toes or maybe you feel the gentle heat from the sun warming your body.

If any distracting thoughts come to mind, as they often do for most people, just notice them and let them go. Let them drift by like clouds passing by overhead. 

When you're ready to return, take a couple of deep breaths. You can wiggle your fingers or toes so that you're alert and fully present in your environment. Then, open your eyes.

Meditation Practice
Meditation takes practice. If you have difficulty visualizing or imagining using your other senses, don't worry about it. It usually becomes easier over time. 

In the meantime, enjoy the Safe Place meditation.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

To find out more about me, please visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

Please feel free to call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me to set up an appointment.

Creating Emotional Balance in Your Life

We've all had days when we feel anxious, frustrated, angry, sad or at our wit's end.  When you're overwhelmed occasionally by these kinds of emotions, it helps to have a reliable way to bring yourself back into emotional balance.  One way, which was originally developed in hypnosis, is to have a Safe Place or Relaxing Place to focus on so you can bring yourself back to a calm state.

Creating Emotional Balance in Your Life

Learning Coping Strategies in Therapy:
When clients come to see me in my psychotherapy private practice in NYC, I usually teach them coping strategies, especially if they're coming in to overcome trauma.  One of those coping strategies is the Safe or Relaxing Place meditation.  Whether you're trying to overcome trauma or you're just having a bad day, learning to do the Safe Place meditation is a good way to help bring yourself back into a state of calm and emotional balance.

Safe Place Meditation:
To begin, think of a place which is linked to a positive memory.  It can be somewhere in nature, like a beach or in the woods.  When you choose a place, it should be completely positive without any negative memories associated with it.  So, for instance, choosing a beach that you like is fine, but not if it causes you to think of times when your parents used to argue at this beach.  A relaxing scene by a waterfall is great, but not if it was the place where your boyfriend broke up with you.

Once you have a place that you associate with feeling calm and relaxed, close your eyes and engage as many of your senses as possible.  First, feel yourself standing in this place.  If you're at the beach, what does it feel like to have your toes in the sand?

Then, look around and notice what you see.  Notice the colors, shapes and textures of things.  Are there any sounds associated with this place?  If so, what are they?  If you're at the beach, do you hear the sound of the waves on the shore or the seagulls flying overhead?  Are there any sensations associated with this place?  Do you feel the warmth of the sun or the breeze off the ocean against your skin.  What about smells?  Smells can be so evocative?  Can you smell the salt in the ocean?  Maybe you can even taste the salt in the air.

With some practice, you can learn to make these sensory experiences vivid.  And, you'll begin to feel yourself calming down.  Notice that your breathing has slowed down and muscles in your body that might have been tight might be relaxing.

You can also give this place a name--whatever works for you that would allow you to associate the name with the calm feeling.  It can be the word "beach," if that's your relaxing place or just "relaxing place."  When you practice pairing the word with the calm feeling, you can just use the word at times when you can't close your eyes to do the meditation.

The place you choose can be either real or imagined, a scene from a movie or a book.  It doesn't matter.  All that matters is that it helps to get you back into emotional balance.

For some people, trying to come up with a relaxing place can be challenging.  If that's the case for you, you can try to think of the face of a person associated with positive experiences.  This can be a friend, a family member, a teacher, a coach or a mentor.  The point is to use the visualization to get yourself back into an emotionally balanced state.

Practicing the Safe (or Relaxing) Place meditation can help you get through a difficult moment, and it only takes a few minutes a day for you to gain the benefits of this meditation.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I am certified in mind-body oriented psychotherapy.  

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.


Also, visit my Psychotherapy Daily News for updates on mental health issues, health education, and science news.