Developing Skills to Manage Your Emotions

In my last article, How to Manage Your Emotions Without Suppressing Them, I described the difference between managing emotions (also known as emotional regulation) and suppressing emotions.  The current article discusses skills that can help you to manage your emotions.  

Developing Skills to Manage Your Emotions

Developing Skills to Manage Your Emotions

As I mentioned in my prior article, if you never learned how to regulate your emotions, you can learn emotional regulation skills with practice and patience.

The following skills can help you to self regulate your emotions:

• Practice Pausing and Taking a Breath: Emotions can come up in a fraction of a second. You don't choose your emotions, but you can learn to choose how you respond to them.  Practice taking a pause and taking a breath before you react.  This will give you time to consider how to respond instead of react (see my article: Learning to Relax: Square Breathing).

Developing Skills to Manage Your Emotions

• Practice Noticing What You're Feeling in Your Body: Emotions occur in the body.  Even when you can't identify what emotions you're experiencing at first, you can notice what's happening in your body: 

• Is your jaw tight? Are your hands clinched? 
• This could mean you're feeling angry. 

• Do you feel a tightness and a welling up in your throat? 
• Maybe you're feeling sad.

• Practice Staying With the Sensations in Your Body and See If You Can Identify Your Emotions:  If you slow down, be patient and stay with the physical sensations in your body, you can identify the emotions you're experiencing with practice.  This often takes time if you tend to be unaware of what emotions you're feeling (see my article: The Mind-Body Connection: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

• Acknowledge Your Emotions: Whatever emotions you're experiencing, acknowledge them. By acknowledging them, it doesn't mean you like them or you want to feel this way. It just means that you are aware that this is what you're feeling in the moment (see my article: Learning to Experience Your Emotions).

• Make a Choice About How to Respond: Unlike reacting to emotions without thinking, when you respond, you're actively choosing what you want to do.  This might not happen immediately, especially if the emotions are strong.  You might need to pause and take several breaths until you feel calm enough to respond.  So, you might choose to wait until you're calmer before you respond (see my article: Responding Instead of Reacting).  

Next Article:

In my next article, I'll discuss how Experiential Therapy can help you to manage your emotions.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples, and I have helped many clients to learn emotional regulation skills (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?)

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How to Increase Your Tolerance for Uncertainty to Reduce Your Anxiety

As I discussed in a prior article, Global Pandemic Causes Significant Increase in Anxiety and Depression, anxiety fueled by uncertainty is now the biggest mental health problem in the United States and around the world according to the findings of the World Health Organization (WHO). 

Increasing Your Tolerance For Uncertainty to Reduce Anxiety

But even before the pandemic, other types of uncertainty contributed to anxiety for many people.  So, the focus of this article is on how to increase your tolerance for uncertainty so you can reduce your anxiety (see my article: Coping With Uncertainty).

Increasing Your Tolerance for Uncertainty to Reduce Anxiety

What's the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety?

In a prior article, What's the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety?, I made this distinction: 

Whereas fear is a response to a known threat, anxiety is a vague feeling of apprehension about an anticipated unknown threat (see my article: Self Help Tips For Coping With Anxiety).

What's the Difference Between Coping with Fear vs Coping with Anxiety?

When you're struggling with a specific fear, you can deal with your fear directly because it's known.  

For instance, if you have a fear of public speaking, you can deal with it directly by taking a class to help you become more comfortable with speaking in public. 

But the vagueness of anxiety makes it more challenging.

Tips to Increase Your Tolerance For Uncertainty and Reduce Anxiety

Although it's not easy, here are some tips to increase your tolerance for uncertainty that fuels anxiety:

• Accept That You're Anxious: Rather than trying to deny your anxiety, start by acknowledging and accepting it.  Acceptance doesn't mean you like it or that you're being passive about it.  It's more about accepting that you have a problem as a starting point.  The more you try to deny and suppress it, the worse the problem will become.  It's better to admit it and have compassion for yourself.  Also, when you acknowledge and accept your anxiety, you're in a better position to do something about it (see my article: Awareness and Acceptance: Being Willing to See Things You've Been in Denial About).

• Educate Yourself About Anxiety: Knowing that anxiety is currently the most common mental health problem can be comforting by letting you know you're not alone.  

• Learn to Be Flexible With Change: When you're inflexible, you're more likely to feel stuck and unable to cope. But, in general, when you learn to approach change with a degree of flexibility, you're more likely to come up with ways to deal with change and feel better about yourself.  Over time, you'll be able to look back on times where you dealt with change and feel more confident about your current situation.  

• Learn to Distinguish Between What's Possible vs What's Probable: Being able to step back to ask yourself whether your apprehension is possible vs probable is a useful way to get a better perspective.  To the extent you can make this distinction, you can reduce your anxiety about something that isn't probable.  You can also remember prior times when you were needlessly anxious about something that was improbable and compare that situation to the current one.

• Get Information: If you're anxious, get information. For instance, if you're anxious about the possibility of losing your job (even though there are no known reasons for you to be anxious about it), you can seek information about other job opportunities in your field.  Just taking this step can get you out of an endless cycle of paralyzing anxiety by helping you to realize that there are other possibilities for you if the need should arise.  This can help you feel more empowered.

My Next Article

In my next article, I'll discuss how a history of unresolved psychological trauma can act as a trigger to increase your anxiety when you're dealing with uncertainty:

Working Through Past Unresolved Trauma So It No Longer Affects You in the Present

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many people to overcome problems with anxiety (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?)

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Coping With Emotional Distress By Using the Somatic Experiencing Technique of Pendulation to Calm Yourself

In my prior article, Global Pandemic Causes Significant Increase in Anxiety and Depression, according to the findings of the World Health Organization (WHO), there has been a 25% increase in pandemic-related anxiety and depression.  

WHO also indicates that this increase in anxiety and depression is probably just the tip of the iceberg.  

Given these circumstances, individuals who are struggling emotionally need a way to cope with these emotions, and one way to cope is using pendulation.

Using Pendulation to Cope With Emotional Distress

What is Pendulation and How Can It Help You to Cope With Emotional Distress?

Pendulation is a concept which is part of Somatic Experiencing (SE) (see my article: Mind-Body Oriented Therapy: Somatic Experiencing).

SE is a mind-body oriented therapy, developed by Dr. Peter Levine, which helps individuals to heal from trauma.

Pendulation is a useful technique to help individuals to cope with distressing emotions--like the pandemic-related emotions described in my previous article or any other type of distressing emotion, including emotions related to psychological trauma.

Similar to the pendulum on a clock, pendulation involves a shifting back and forth of emotions or body sensations.

Pendulation is Similar to the Movement of a Pendulum on a Clock

Specifically, you start by identifying the distressful emotion or bodily sensation you're experiencing and locate it in your body.  

After you notice the distressful emotion/sensation and where it's located in your body, you find a neutral or calm point in your body and you shift your awareness back and forth (or pendulate) between the distressful and calm experiences.

An Example of Pendulation

For instance, if you identified sadness as the distressful emotion and you locate the sadness as being in your throat where you feel a constriction (a welling up of tears), you sense into other parts of your body to find a calm or neutral point.  

Let's say you detect a sense of calmness in your chest.  You stay with that sense of calmness for a moment to give yourself a chance to experience it.

Then, move back to the sadness in your throat and stay with that for a moment before you go back to the calmness in your chest. 

As you keep going back and forth between the sadness and the calmness, you are pendulating between the two emotions.

As you continue to pendulate back and forth, notice what how the sadness changes.  There is usually a shift due to the integration of the two emotions.

If you have difficulty finding a calm or neutral place within yourself, you can find an external resource, like looking at a glass of water or looking out the window at a tree, and so on.

What If You're Unable to Identify the Distressful Emotion?

There are many individuals with a history of trauma who have difficulty identifying emotions, especially distressful ones.  

They might know they're struggling with a difficult emotion, but they don't know if it's anger, sadness or any other emotion.

If this sounds familiar to you, you can still use pendulation even if you can't identify the emotion.  

For instance, you might know you have a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, but you don't associate any particular emotion with that sensation.

Even without knowing the distressful emotion, you can still locate an area in your body where you don't feel that sinking feeling--where you feel neutral or calm.  Then, you can shift your awareness back and forth between those two areas.

If you're working with an SE therapist, over time, you can learn to identify your emotions.  This takes practice. 

Even before you learn to identify specific emotions, you can use pendulation as a self help technique between therapy sessions to calm yourself.

How Does Pendulation Facilitate Emotional Healing?

According to Dr. Levine, pendulation is a natural process that facilitates emotional healing within the nervous system.

As previously mentioned, the shifting back and forth allows for an integration of these emotions, which facilitates healing.  

Pendulation Facilitates Emotional Healing

Whereas before you might have felt stuck in your distress, after you learn pendulation, you feel more emotionally resourced.  

Over time, as you sense the integration of emotions, you gain confidence that you can cope with uncomfortable emotions and you won't get stuck in a distressed state.  

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I work with individual adults and couples (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Self Help Strategies For Coping With an Anniversary of a Traumatic Event

Anniversaries of traumatic events often bring back emotions and thoughts associated with the original event.  This can include sadness, anxiety, anger and feelings of powerlessness as well as other reactions.

Coping With An Anniversary of a Traumatic Event

There is no one way to heal from trauma.  Each person will heal in their own way and in their own timeframe.  

Self Help Strategies For Coping With the Anniversary of a Traumatic Event

The following coping strategies can be helpful:

• Know That Experiencing Distress on the Anniversary of a Traumatic Event is Common and Normal:  You're not alone.  Many people feel distressed on these anniversaries.  Feeling distressed is a common response.  You might find yourself remembering the event in more detail than you normally do as the anniversary brings back memories.

• Acknowledge Your Thoughts and Emotions: Rather than trying to suppress emotions and thoughts that might be uncomfortable for you, acknowledge them.  Suppressing thoughts and emotions will only intensify them, so set aside some time to allow yourself to experience what is coming up for you and know that these experiences are common.  In addition to your distress, you might also find yourself remembering pleasant memories from before the traumatic event alongside the sad ones.  This is also a common experience.

• Be Self Compassionate: Instead of judging yourself for having these thoughts and emotions, be compassionate--like you would for a good friend or a close family member (see my article: Developing Self Compassion as an Essential Part of Trauma Recovery).

• Find Healthy Ways to Cope With Your Distress:  Whether you talk to a trusted friend or family member or you journal about what you're experiencing, it's important to find healthy ways to cope with your distress. Creating a personal ritual can be meaningful and helpful.  It doesn't have to be an elaborate ritual.  It can be as simple as lighting a candle or using an image that is symbolic of the anniversary.  Avoid negative ways of coping like drinking or drugging that will only mask your experiences (see my article: Writing to Cope With Grief)

• Try to Stay Balanced: It's easy to get caught up in thoughts of "what if" or "if only."  Nothing good will come from this, so try to bring yourself back to the present moment.  One way to do this is to engage your senses:

• What you see
• What you hear
• What you feel (tactile sensation)
• What you smell
• What, if anything, you taste

Getting Help in Therapy

Anniversaries of traumatic events can be challenging.  

If you find self help strategies aren't enough for you, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional.

A skilled psychotherapist, who specializes in trauma, can help you to work through distressing feelings.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

I specialize in helping clients to overcome trauma (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more abut me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Self Help Tips For Coping With Anxiety

Experiencing occasional anxiety is common.  At any given time at least 30% of people experience anxiety.  In this article, I'm focusing on self help tips you can use for anxiety relief (see my articles:  What is the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety? , Coping with Anticipatory Anxiety and Tips to Cope With Chronic Worrying).

Coping With Anxiety

Common Symptoms of Anxiety

Let's start by defining some of the symptoms of anxiety:

• Feeling nervous, restless or tense
• Having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom
• Having problems concentrating on anything other than your present worry
• Wanting to avoid anything that triggers your worry
• Having an increased heart rate
• Having problems sleeping (either falling or staying asleep)
• Trembling
• Sweating
• Breathing rapidly (hyperventilation)
• Having gastrointestinal (GI) problems

Common Forms of Anxiety

Here are some common forms of anxiety:

• Generalized Anxiety

• Panic Attacks (see my article: Tips on Coping With Panic Attacks)

• Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (see my article: Reacting to the Present Based on Your Past and Experiential Therapy, Like EMDR, Can Achieve Emotional Breakthroughs)

• Social Anxiety (see my article: Overcoming Social Anxiety)

• Adult Separation Anxiety (see my article: Overcoming Adult Separation Anxiety)

• Agoraphobia

• Phobias (see my article:What Are Phobias?)

Self Help Tips For Coping With Anxiety

If you experience occasional anxiety, which isn't causing significant problems in your life, here are some self help tips.

• Start Your Day With a Sense of Well Being: How you start your day can set the tone for the rest of your day and make a big difference in how you feel (see my article: Tips For Starting Your Morning With a Sense of Well Being and The Power of Creating Personal Rituals).

• Keep Physically Active: Whether you walk, dance, work out at the gym or engage in other healthy physical activity, keeping physical can be a powerful stress reliever.  Develop a physical routine for yourself that takes into account your ability to be active in a healthy way.  Consult with your doctor before making any significant changes to your physical activity.

• Use Stress Management and Relaxation Techniques: Meditation, visualization, yoga and other forms of stress management can help reduce anxiety (see my articles: Stress Management: Finding Moments of Peace and Relaxation,  Stress Management and Self Care, Mindfulness Meditation, Safe Place Meditation and Creating Quiet Times For Yourself).

• Remember to Breathe: When you're anxious, you might breathe in a shallow way, which can increase anxiety.  So you could benefit from being aware of your breathing and using relaxing breathing techniques (see my article: Square Breathing).

• Make Sleep a Priority: Most people need 7-8 hours of sleep per night (see my articles: Tips For Better Sleep and Conquering Your Nightmares).

• Spend Time in Nature: Spending time in green places can help relieve stress and anxiety (see my article: Walking in Nature Can Improve Your Mood).

• Eat a Balanced Diet: A balanced diet incorporates fruits, vegetables, whole grains and proteins.  Always consult with your doctor before changing your diet.

• Reduce or Avoid Alcohol: The stimulative effect of alcohol can increase anxiety, so be aware of how much you're drinking (see my articles: Overcoming the Temptation to Use "Liquid Courage" to Cope With Social Situations).

• Avoid Recreational Drugs: Certain recreational drugs can increase anxiety, including cannabis.  

• Cut Back or Eliminate Caffeinated Beverages: Caffeine can make anxiety worse, so be aware of your caffeine intake and take steps to either reduce or eliminate caffeinated beverages.

• Quit Smoking: Nicotine can make anxiety worse so take steps to stop smoking (see my article: Becoming a Successful Nonsmoker)

• Keep a Journal: Keeping a personal journal can help you to become aware of what's causing you anxiety and what helps to reduce your anxiety (see my article: Journal Writing Can Reduce Stress and Anxiety).

• Identify Your Triggers: Along with keeping a journal, being able to identify your triggers can help you to deal with your anxiety (see my article: Coping With Triggers).

• Get Emotional Support: Instead of isolating, stay social and get emotional support from trusted friends, family and a significant other (see my article: Overcoming Your Discomfort With Asking For Emotional Support).

When Self Help Isn't Enough

The suggestions above can help to reduce anxiety, but when you're experiencing persistent anxiety self help might not be enough.  

In my next article, I'll discuss how psychotherapy can help you to overcome anxiety (see my article: Getting Help in Therapy For Anxiety).

Getting Help in Therapy

Anxiety can reduce the quality of your life and overall sense of well-being.

If anxiety is a persistent problem, seek help from a licensed mental health professional.

Getting help in psychotherapy for your anxiety can improve the quality of life for you and for your loved ones who might be affected by your anxiety, so don't hesitate to seek help (see my article: Your Anxiety or Depression Could Be Having a Negative Impact on Your Loved Ones).

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients to overcome persistent anxiety.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Self Help Tips on How to Cope With Emotional Hijacking

In my prior article, What is Emotional Hijacking?, I defined the term as it relates to unresolved trauma, and I gave some examples.  In this article, I'm providing some self help tips on how to cope with emotional hijacking (see my article: Reacting to the Present Based on Your Past).

Tips on How to Cope With Emotional Hijacking

As I mentioned in my prior article, an emotional hijack occurs when the part of the brain called the amygdala, which is an emotional processor, bypasses (or hijacks) your normal reasoning process.  

Although normally your decision making occurs in other parts of the brain, the amygdala takes over during certain circumstances (see my article: Trauma, Therapy and the Triune Brain).

When the amygdala reacts without the help of the logical part of your brain helping you to pause and process the situation first, you overreact without thinking.  Often this leads to situations which you regret afterwards when you've had time to process what happened to you.

Tips on How to Cope With Emotional Hijacking

• Pause: If you can recognize the cues that you're feeling emotionally overwhelmed, pause for a moment to calm down and process what just happened.

• Count to 10: Whether you count to 10 or you need to count to 100, you'll distract yourself enough to temporarily move away from whatever emotions are overwhelming you so you can go back afterwards to think about it rationally.

• Breathe: Breath in a way where the exhalations are twice as long as the inhalations. So, if you breathe in to the count of 5, breathe out to the count of 10.  The exhalations activate your parasympathetic system to help to calm you.  You can also use Square Breathing.

• Name the Emotion: When you've had some time to pause and think about what's happening to you, name the emotion you're experiencing. This can help you to make sense of what's happening to you.

• Move: When you get up and move, the logical part of your brain will eventually come back online so you can think more clearly.  This can mean you go for a walk outside or just walk into another room.

• Write in Your Journal: Writing and reflecting on what caused you to react emotionally can help you to engage the logical part of your brain so you can reflect on what just happened to you (see my article: The Benefits of Journal Writing).

• Get Emotional Support: When you share your feelings with a partner or trusted family member or friend, you can relieve yourself of some of the emotional burden you're carrying and you can get another perspective about what's bothering you (see my article: Overcoming Your Discomfort With Asking For Emotional Support).

In my next article, I'll discuss how processing unresolved trauma in therapy can help: See my article: How Experiential. Therapy Can Help You to Overcome Emotional Hijacking.

Getting Help in Therapy

If these self help tips don't work for you, you could benefit from working with a trauma therapist who can help you to overcome the unresolved trauma that causes you to get emotionally hijacked (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many clients to overcome unresolved trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.

Early Recovery: Overcoming Feelings of Emptiness and Loss

In previous articles about early recovery, I addressed problems with making major major adjustments to life to maintain sobriety (see my articles: Early Recovery: Focusing on the People Part of "People, Places and Things," Overcoming the Temptation to Use "Liquid Courage" to Cope With Social Situations and Early Recovery: You've Stopped Drinking. Now What?.  In this article, I'm addressing another common issue that people in early recovery experience, which is overcoming the feelings of emptiness and loss after you give up your addiction.

Early Recovery: Overcoming Feelings of Emptiness and Loss 

Many people in early recovery will say that one of the hardest things they had to do in order to get sober was give up the one thing they felt they could rely on--their addiction of choice.

For anyone who is unfamiliar with addiction and early recovery, these feelings of emptiness and loss for an addiction might seem confusing.

But as a psychotherapist in private practice in New York City, who has worked with people at all stages of addiction, I know that this sense of loss and emptiness is common and understandable.

After all, if the addiction, whether it's to alcohol, drugs, compulsive gambling, compulsive sexual behavior or any other addictive behavior, didn't serve a need, the person with the addiction wouldn't persist in it.

For many people, who are contemplating giving up an addiction, one of the most daunting aspects of attaining sobriety is the thought they won't have what feels to them as a "friend" who has served a need--whatever that need might be.

The need could be a way to relax, socialize, to temporarily forget problems, to elevate a mood, to feel empowered, and so on.  And if the addiction of choice didn't "work" in some sense, even temporarily, it would have been given up long before it became an addiction.

For someone who is unfamiliar with addiction, it would be hard to imagine just how scary and how courageous it is when someone who has an addiction gives it up.  Many people, who are not educated about addiction, think that the person with the addiction "should just stop."

But aside from the fact that there might be a physical danger to "just stopping" for many addictions where a detox is necessary, the person contemplating giving up the addiction is also taking a leap of faith that they will be able to survive physically and emotionally with the addiction.

This is why there's a high rate of relapse for people struggling to stay sober, especially if they try to do it without sober support and, eventually, working through the underlying emotional problems that led to the addiction in the first place.

What Will Take the Place of the Addiction for the Person in Early Recovery to Fill the Emotional Void?
Without the addiction, the person in early recovery will usually become aware of an emotional void and the sense of loss.

Early Recovery: Overcoming the Feelings of Emptiness and Loss

Since isolation and loneliness is often a part of addiction, many people in early recovery find support in 12 Step meetings like Alcoholics Anonymous or Gamblers Anonymous.

They discover that there are people in these self help meetings in all different stages of recovery--from early recovery to many years in recovery.

They also discover that they have much in common with the people in these self help rooms, including a continuing struggle to avoid relapse and to maintain the values and principles they learned in those rooms.

I usually recommend that people in early recovery give 12 Step meetings a chance by going to several beginners meetings to see if they find a particular meeting where they feel comfortable and where they can also find a sponsor to help them work the 12 Steps.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to recovery, so I also understand that for some people in early recovery the 12 Step model doesn't resonate with them or they find the meetings too overwhelming after they've tried several meetings (see my article: The Early Stage of Recovery: What to Do If 12 Step Meetings Are Too Overwhelming For You?).

So, many people in early recovery prefer to go to structured treatment in either an inpatient or  outpatient substance abuse program, if they have health benefits that recovers this treatment, where they can also get group support from people with similar problems.

Other people seek out psychotherapists who have experience working with people in recovery, including early recovery.

For psychotherapy option to work well in early recovery, the psychotherapist needs not only to be familiar with addictions, she must also know how to assess the timing and what the client can tolerate in terms of working on the underlying issues.

It's essential that clients in early recovery have sufficient sober time, the coping skills and necessary internal resources to deal with the underlying emotional issues in therapy, so it's psychotherapists need to help clients to develop these internal resources before delving deeper (see my article: Developing Internal Resources and Coping Strategies).

All of these modalities--12 Step meetings, structured substance abuse programs, and psychotherapy--all have the potential to help clients to remain sober.

In addition, in many cases what's also needed is something deeper that will fill the void that's left from no longer engaging in the addiction.

Some people find meaning by discovering or rediscovering a sense of spirituality.

Spirituality doesn't necessarily mean religion, although it could (see my article: A Search For a Meaningful Life and Spirituality: Are You Contemplating Your Faith of Origin in a New Light?).

Spirituality can take on many different forms aside from formal religion.  For instance, many people feel a sense of spirituality when they volunteer to help others, including volunteering at 12 Step meetings or in schools or a local community program.  Others discover a sense of spirituality in nature and find a connection to nature a transcendent experience.

The important aspect of spirituality in whatever form it takes is that it is meaningful, fulfilling and transcendent.

I believe this applies to everyone--not just people in early recovery.  Whether you call it "spirituality" or something else, without a sense of meaning, purpose and transcendence, you're just living from day to day and it can feel empty.

Many people who don't struggling with addiction but who focus only on material things will often feel a sense of emptiness in midlife when money and possessions no longer serve elevate their moods.

Usually, midlife brings an awareness that money and material things, although necessary to a certain extent to meet basic needs and give some comfort, are never enough to fill up a sense of emptiness.

This is why many people in midlife, especially those who have more years behind them than ahead of them, recognize that they need to make changes (see my articles: Midlife Transitions: Part 1: Reassessing Your Life, Midlife Transitions - Part 2: Living the Life You Want to Live, Is That All There Is? When "Having It All" Leaves You Feeling Empty  and Redefining Happiness and Success For Yourself).

Conclusion
The early recovery stage presents certain challenges, including dealing with the sense of emptiness and loss that often occurs after giving up the addiction.

Early Recovery: Overcoming Feelings of Emptiness and Loss

Aside from the physical aspects of getting sober and maintain sobriety, people in early recovery need to find healthy and meaningful ways to fill the void.

Sober support from 12 Step meetings, substance abuse programs and psychotherapy offer various options for staying sober and, in the case of psychotherapy, working through the underlying emotional problems that led to the addiction in the first place.

Beyond these options, people in early recovery need to find a sense of meaning and purpose in their lives.  I refer to it as "spirituality," but it doesn't have to involve a formal religion or even a belief in a higher power.

Without a sense of meaning and transcendence, people in early recovery often struggle with the sense of loss and emptiness that usually follows after they become sober.

Getting Help in Therapy
Many people choose to attend psychotherapy to address underlying emotional issues at the core of their addiction (see my article: The Benefits of Psychotherapy).

As previously mentioned, it's important to find a psychotherapist who has an expertise in addiction and who can work with you in a way that feels emotionally manageable for you (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients in all stages of recovery to maintain their sobriety and work through the underlying emotional problems that were at the root of their addiction.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How to Stop Worrying By Rewriting the Story You've Been Telling Yourself

I've written prior articles about worry, including: How to Stop Worrying: What is Chronic Worrying and Steps You Can Take to Stop Worrying.  Today I'm focusing on the stories you might be telling yourself that are causing you to worry, and how you can stop worrying by rewriting these stories.

Rewriting the Story You've Been Telling Yourself

People who tend to worry often tell themselves negative stories about what could happen in the future.  Sometimes, this is based on prior experiences and other times it's based on the imagination.

Worrying is often habitual--the more you do it, the more you're likely to continue to do it, so it's important to have some tools to overcome this habit.

One way to overcome habitual worrying is to become aware that you're telling yourself a particular story, and this story often has no basis in fact.

Once you've become aware that you've developed a habit of telling yourself negative stories that cause you to worry, you need to replace this pattern with something else, and one possibility is to rewrite your story with a different ending or several other possible endings that represent how you'd like things to turn out.

Rewriting the story isn't just a way to soothe yourself, it also makes you more aware of all the different possibilities that you're not considering when you only focus on negative possibilities.

It also opens up your mind to other creative solutions to your problem that you might not have considered before.

Here's an example:
Mary worried that she would never advance in her career.

Overcoming Worry: Rewriting the Story You're Telling Yourself

Her negative thoughts about herself kept her from proposing the kind of work projects to her boss where she could stand out and, at the same time, make a positive contribution to her organization.

Although she had many creative ideas, she worried that her ideas would be rejected, so she never mentioned them to her boss.

But she also realized that her colleagues often proposed ideas that were similar to the ones she kept to herself and they were often rewarded for them with career advancement and more money.

This was frustrating for Mary because she knew that she was talking herself out of putting her ideas forward by worrying that they would be rejected.

So, on the advice of her psychotherapist, Mary wrote out a story based on her worries and read it to herself out loud.

As soon as she heard herself read these words out loud, she knew that her worries were unfounded, but she still continued to worry.

Then, she began rewriting her story, which was a struggle for her because her habitual worrying about putting herself out there and her fear of a negative outcome had become so ingrained that it was hard for her to come up with a different ending other than the one that always played out in her head.

Since it was so hard for Mary to see anything but a negative outcome and reasons to worry, her therapist suggested that Mary write the story as if it was about someone else.

So, Mary wrote about a close friend, Susan, who had a similar problem, and it was much easier.

As Mary began to envision other ways for Susan to overcome her habitual worry and negative thoughts, she could see how Susan could be successful if she just stopped listening to the stories she was telling herself and persisted in her efforts.

After Mary rewrote her own story with Susan as the protagonist and she allowed Susan to have a successful ending to story, Mary was able to see that there was no reason why she couldn't take these steps herself.

As soon as she reread the story with a positive ending, something opened up in Mary and she had a flow of creative ideas about what she could do to write up her proposals for her boss and the what steps she could take.

Being able to see herself and her ideas in a new way was liberating for Mary, and she felt a renewed sense of creativity.

She also told herself, "What's the worst that can happen?" and she answered herself by telling herself that her ideas might be rejected, but she could live with that.  What she felt she could no longer live with was stifling herself and watching other people get rewarded for ideas that were similar to hers.

Within a short time, she gave her boss her proposal for a project to improve the organization and why she thought she would be the right person to head up this project. Her boss really liked her ideas and gave her the green light to go ahead.

Overcome Worry: Rewriting the Story You're Telling Yourself

A few months later, Mary succeeded with her  project and when a senior position opened up in the organization, her boss promoted her and gave her a substantial increase.

Psychological Trauma Can Get in the Way of Overcoming Habitual Worrying
For people who have experienced psychological trauma, it can be very difficult to let go of worrying because one of the symptoms of trauma is often hypervigiliance.

This means that the person is constantly worrying and anticipating what could go wrong, so they are constantly worrying.

For people who have experienced trauma, the suggestions that I've given in this article are often not enough.  They need help to overcome the trauma from a skilled psychotherapist.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you have difficulty stopping yourself from worrying, you could benefit from seeing a skilled licensed mental health professional.

Rather than suffering on your own, recognize that you're not alone.

With help from a licensed psychotherapist, you can stop worrying so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

When Self Help Isn't Enough, Consider Seek Help in Therapy

Self help books and self help meetings can be very useful for people struggling with emotional problems, especially people who tend to isolate.  But often self help strategies aren't enough to work through certain problems.  At that point, rather than continuing to do the same thing that doesn't work, it's often useful to consider attending therapy with a licensed mental health professional.

When Self Help Isn't Enough, Consider Seeing a Psychotherapist

Self Help as an Adjunct to Psychotherapy
I often recommend self help groups, especially to clients who are in early recovery when trying to change old habits tends to be the most challenging.

But for some people, self help groups are too overwhelming because hearing about other people's losses and trauma can be too much at this stage of recovery (see my article:  Early Stage of Recovery: What to Do If 12 Step Meetings Are Too Overwhelming For You).

When Self Help Isn't Enough, Consider Seeing a Psychotherapist

Aside from self help meetings, there are thousands of popular self help books available for just about any problem.

I often recommend Francine Shapiro's self help book which has suggestions from EMDR therapy that clients can use on their own (see my article:  Self Help Books: Getting Past Your Past) which clients can use to supplement our work in therapy.

Advice for the General Public vs Treatment Tailored to Your Needs
The problem for many people, who rely solely on self help books, is that these books are written in a broad way for the general public.  Since the author doesn't know you, she can't address your particular issues.

Even if they address general problem that you're struggling with, there's no way for the author to know how the problem manifests for you in particular.

Discovering Your Emotional Triggers in Therapy
Also, most problems have an unconscious component to them which is unique to each person.

So, for instance, a self help book might be able to offer advice about how to calm yourself when you're feeling anxious, but it won't be able to help you to identify the particular unconscious triggers that bring on your anxious feelings.

When Self Help Isn't Enough, Consider Seeing a Psychotherapist

Over the years, as an experienced psychotherapist, I've discovered that the best way to uncover these triggers is to use mind-body oriented therapy that helps to connect to unconscious triggers and their related memories (see my article:  Mind-Body Psychotherapy: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

By making the unconscious conscious, you can discover the underlying issues that are creating your emotional problems (see my article:  Psychotherapy: Making the Unconscious Conscious) and you can work on transforming these problems (see my article:  The Unconscious Mind and Experiential Therapy: The "Symptom" Contains the Solution).

When you work with a licensed mental health professional, the process is specific to your particular problems and needs as opposed to general advice.

Getting Help in Therapy
Self help books and meetings can be useful, but they're often not enough for many people to overcome their problems.

If self help tools haven't helped you to overcome your problems, rather than struggling on your own, consider beginning psychotherapy with a licensed mental health professional (see my article:  How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

Working with a licensed therapist can help to free you so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.