Posttraumatic Growth: Developing a Greater Sense of Hope and Meaning in the Aftermath of Trauma

There is so much information now about psychological trauma and posttraumatic stress disorder that most people have at least some awareness of what it means to be traumatized.  

During the last several years, there has also been an increasing awareness of posttraumatic growth, which is the topic I'll be discussing in this article (see my article: Finding Meaning in Your Life After Trauma).

Posttraumatic Growth: Developing a Sense of Hope and Meaning in the Aftermath of Trauma

The Potential Positive Effects of Trauma

It might seem odd to say that trauma could have a positive effect on anyone, but many people who have traumatic experiences have grown from those experiences in ways they never would have thought possible before.

These positive changes in the aftermath of trauma have included:

• Developing a Sense of Hope and Meaning: When you ask people who have experienced psychological growth after a traumatic experience, they often say that the single most important factor that helped them to grow was eventually finding hope and meaning in their situation.  These people actively seek to find meaning in their situation to continue to heal emotionally and, possibly, to help others. The psychoanalyst and Holocaust survivor, Victor Frankl, is an example of someone who lived through very traumatic experiences.  Not only was he held in a concentration camp, but Frankl also lost his wife and family in the Holocaust.  After he left the concentration camp, he went on to develop Logotherapy.  He continues to be an inspiration to millions of people because of he found hope and meaning in his trauma (see my article: A Search For a Meaningful Life).

• Developing Increased Resilience:  After the initial stage of healing from a traumatic event, many people discover that they are more resilient.  Having survived a traumatic event helped them to realize that they can bounce back from very difficult circumstances (see my article: Resilience: Bouncing Back From Life's Challenges).

• Developing a Greater Sense of Confidence: Along with resilience, people who overcome trauma often develop a greater sense of self confidence when they look back at what they survived.  Knowing that they survived and found hope and meaning as a result of their trauma helps them to face other situations more confidently.

• Developing a Greater Appreciation For Loved Ones and For Life: As they are healing emotionally, many people who have experienced trauma develop a greater appreciation for their loved ones.  They also often develop an increased appreciation for life itself and making the most of life since they realize that life is short and time is precious.

• Developing Self Compassion and Compassion For Others:  Many people who have overcome traumatic events can look back and appreciate how hard it was to survive the traumatic event.  This helps them to feel increased self compassion and compassion for others who might be going through similar situations.

• Developing a Greater Sense of Purpose: Along with finding hope, meaning and a sense of motivation, people who survive trauma often want more from life.  They want to live a purposeful life aligned with their core values (see my article: Living Authentically Aligned With Your Values).  

• Creating Positive Changes For Others: Aside from developing a greater sense of purpose for themselves, some people who survive trauma go on to help others based on their experiences.  For instance, a mother who lost a child because of an accident with a drunk driver might become a leader in the community to advocate for a change in drunk driving laws.  She uses her experience to have a positive impact on others.

Getting Help in Therapy to Overcome Trauma
Overcome trauma is a process, which means that most people who eventually go on to experience posttraumatic growth start by grieving and working through their traumatic experiences (see my article: The Benefits of Psychotherapy).

It's important to work through trauma first, otherwise you might just be avoiding your uncomfortable feelings related to the trauma.

Along the way, while you're in therapy, you can begin to find hope and meaning in your experience, but it's important to go through the working through process first.

It's difficult to resolve trauma on your own.  A skilled trauma-informed psychotherapist can help you to heal (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

Rather than suffering on your own, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional who has experience with helping clients to overcome trauma.

About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who uses integrative psychotherapy (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

One of my specialties is helping clients to work through their traumatic history so they can lead more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

A Happy Life vs. a Meaningful Life

In my prior article, Are You Waiting For Happiness?, I focused on the issue of people waiting for a person, event or something else that is external for them to be happy.  

In this article, I'm discussing the issue I began to address in my prior article, happy life vs. a meaningful life (see my article: Living Authentically, Aligned With Your Values).

A Happy Life vs. a Meaningful Life

The Difference Happiness and Meaning in Your Life
Although many people have similar values, what's meaningful to one person can be very different from what is meaningful to another person with the same values.

What Research Says
A Stanford research study explored the differences between happiness and meaningfulness and discovered the following differences:

• Satisfying your desires can provide happiness, but it had nothing to do with a sense of meaningfulness.  The example that they gave was that a healthy person are usually happier than sick  people, but sick people's lives don't lack meaning.

• While happiness is about the present, meaningfulness links the past, present and the future.

• Interpersonal connections are important to both happiness and meaningfulness.  And, while spending time with casual friends might add to happiness, deep relationships, which require working on challenges, like family relationships, are more meaningful.

• People who have a high degree of meaningfulness in their lives often encounter negative issues, which can result in unhappiness.  One example given in the study is that raising children can give a sense of joy, but it's also connected to high stress, which can be meaningful but can also lead to unhappiness.  Another example is that while retirement can lead to happiness because people no longer have the pressure of their jobs, a sense of meaningfulness can drop.

• Meaningfulness is about expressing and defining yourself and your personal identity, whereas happiness is getting what you want.  A meaningful life is connected to a valued sense of self and your purpose your life and community.

• You can find meaning in life and still be unhappy.

• You can be happy and yet lack meaning in your life.

• Happiness without meaning often leads to a shallow and self-centered life.

• A meaningful life gives you a sense of purpose and direction where you are aligned with your values.

Getting Help in Therapy
Understanding what is meaningful to you is a process--it's not a one-time event that you settle once and for all.

In addition, what is meaningful to you at one stage in your life could be different from what it would be at a different stage as life changes and you continue to grow as a person.

Discovering what is meaningful to you can be challenging at various points in your life and might conflict with what might make you happy at the moment but would provide meaning in the long run.

Working with a skilled psychotherapist can help you to identify what is important to you, help you to develop insight into yourself and work through these issues.

These are issues that most people struggle with at some point in their lives.  Rather than struggling alone, you could get help in therapy so you can lead a more meaningful life.

About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist with over 20 years of experience working with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.

Are You Waiting For Happiness?

Are you telling yourself that you're waiting for something to happen in your life in order for you to be happy? (see my articles: Redefining Happiness and Success, How to Stop Pretending to Feel Happy When You Don't, Are You Afraid to Allow Yourself to be Happy?

Whether this "something" is winning the lottery, accomplishing a long-term goal, meeting your soul mate or having a child, it's usually a mistake to place your happiness in the hands of someone else or in some external event (see my article: Living in the State of "If Only".

Are You Waiting For Happiness?

The problem is that whatever you've told yourself that you need in order to feel that you've finally "arrived" or that you'll finally be happy usually only brings the kind of happiness you're imagining for a short time while it's still a novelty, and then the usual dissatisfaction sinks in again.

Why is Happiness Fleeting?
When you fix your sights on some person or event in the future to make you happy, you're placing your happiness at some point in the future (see my article: What is Happiness and Where Do You Find It?).

Are You Waiting For Happiness?

Not only are you giving away your power, but you're also overlooking so many things that are happening right now that you're not appreciating (see my article: Keeping a Gratitude Journal).

The more you convince yourself that someone or something in the future will make you happy, the more likely it will be that you'll go around with blinders for the great things that are in the present.

It's not that you wouldn't be happy if you entered into a new relationship or accomplished a long-term goal or got a great job.  It's just that these things are external, and you're telling yourself that you're not enough.

It's like you're constantly waiting and, meanwhile, life is passing you by.

Having the mindset that you're waiting for something outside yourself for you to be happy sets up a pattern where you can keep thinking that you're waiting for the next thing and the next thing, and so on.

Also, you can be happy in the moment and still feel that your life lacks meaning, direction and purpose, which can lead to a shallow life.

A Fictionalized Vignette 

Mary:
Mary lived her life as a very goal oriented person.

She worked a full time job and went to college at night.  Because of her busy schedule, she didn't have a lot of time to socialize with friends.  Although this was lonely for her, she told herself that once she graduated college, she would be happy.

When she graduated college at the top of her class, Mary felt proud of herself for her accomplishment.  But, after a while, she realized that she didn't really feel happy, and the pride she felt wore off after a short time.

Are You Waiting for Happiness?

This was disappointing to her, but then she told herself that she would be happy once she got a good job, so she put all her time and effort into the job search.  Once again, she postponed being social and seeing friends because she thought that her happiness hinged on finding a great job.

After searching for a few months, Mary landed exactly the kind of job that she always dreamed about.  Once again, she was proud of herself for working so hard to get this job.

But after a few months, whatever positive feelings she felt wore off.  She realized that her job, although allowing her to be creative and being a good paying job, didn't really bring her happiness.  In fact, she felt a little empty inside after a while, which was disappointing.

Then, she decided that in order for her to be happy, she needed to be in a relationship with a man that she really loved, so she spent a lot of time on dating sites and she went out more on dates.

Dating was a little discouraging at first, but then she met a man that she really liked.  They dated for several months, realized that they were in love and made a commitment to be monogamous.

Mary was thrilled with her new boyfriend and looked forward to seeing him.  But a couple of years later, when she asked herself if she was really happy, she realized that some of the initial excitement that she felt had worn off.

Although she loved him and she knew that he loved her, she wasn't as happy as she thought she would be, and this was very disappointing to her.  She couldn't understand it--she had all the things that she thought she would need to make her happy, but she still wasn't truly happy. Something was missing.

Mary's awareness that she wasn't feeling as happy as she had anticipated threw her into a tailspin.  She felt that something must really be wrong with her if she didn't feel happy now.

It wasn't that she was unhappy--she just didn't have that feeling that she thought she would have that she "arrived" in her life.

 Soon after that, Mary started therapy to deal with the emotional crisis she was struggling with.

After a few months in therapy where she explore her feelings, Mary realized that she had a narrow definition of happiness and that in most people's lives happiness is fleeting.  She also realized that there isn't any one thing or person that will create the feeling of happiness in her.

"So," she told her therapist, "if happiness is fleeting, what is it that I really want?  What makes a good life?"

Over time, as Mary continued to explore and reflect on her feelings, she realized that what she really wanted was to have a meaningful life, but she wasn't sure what that meant (see my article: A Search For a Meaningful Life).

Mary and her therapist continued to explore what that meant for Mary.  It wasn't a quick or smooth process, but Mary felt like she was finally focusing on what really mattered to her.

Are You Waiting For Happiness?

Gradually, Mary began to define her core values and what she considered to be meaningful.  She also started to see the difference between having a "happy life" and having a "meaningful life."

She realized that it wasn't realistic to expect to feel happy all the time, but she could strive to live a meaningful life by being true to her core values.

She also learned to develop an appreciation for the here-and-now rather than always focusing on the future.  In doing so, she realized that she had a lot to be grateful for and this was a lot more meaningful to her than waiting for an illusive sense of happiness at some point in the future.

In my next article, I'll discuss the difference between happiness and meaningfulness and why it's important to understand the difference for your sense of well-being.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you've lived your whole life waiting to be happy, you can find it challenging to understand why the things you thought would bring you lasting happiness don't.  It can also be difficult to change your way of thinking.

Getting Help in Therapy

Working with a skilled psychotherapist can help you to explore your way of thinking, the patterns you have developed over time, and how to make changes to lead a more fulfilling life (see my article: How Talking to a Psychotherapist is Different From Talking to a Friend and How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

This is a common problem that many people have, which is reinforced by our culture, so it is often deeply ingrained.

Stepping outside your normal way of thinking can be difficult, but with the help of an experienced mental health professional, you can develop a more meaningful life.


About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What is Happiness and Where Do You Find it?

As far back as the ancient Greeks and beyond, people have been asking the question, "What is happiness?"  The journalist, Eric Weiner, has written a book called The Geography of Bliss where he travels around the world in his quest to discover what happiness is and if there are certain countries where most people are happy.  

What is Happiness and Where Do You Find It?

His travels take him to the Netherlands; Switzerland; Bhutan, where they keep track of Gross National Happiness instead of Gross Domestic Product; Qatar, the richest country in the world; Iceland; Moldova; Thailand, Great Britain and India.  

The Geography of Bliss is well written, thought provoking, enlightening and entertaining. As Weiner travels from one country to the next, asking people about their happiness, their culture and philosophy of life, he experiences different ways of life and engages in his own self exploration.

I won't spoil the book by giving it away. But if you've ever asked yourself the question:  "What is happiness?," I recommend that you read this book The Geography of Bliss - One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World.

"Are You Happy?"
It's interesting that when someone asks you, "Are you happy?," it becomes a difficult question to answer.  It might even make you feel uncomfortable.  Often, people respond to this question by not even being sure what happiness is.  How do you know if you're happy?  Is it a state of mind?  Is it too elusive to gauge?

Will Having Lots of Money Make You Happy?
Many people are sure they'd be happy if they had a lot of money.  And, since many people feel this way, social scientists have been curious about the possible connection, so there has been a lot of research about happiness and money.

As you might guess, based on this research, it seems that you need to have at least enough money so you feel comfortable (however you measure that).

Most people who are struggling in dire poverty find it difficult to be happy.  But, beyond feeling comfortable, the happiness that people feel initially after they've either inherited a lot of money or won millions in the lottery is short lived.  So, more isn't always better.  In fact, there have been many stories of people who won millions who end up feeling miserable.

What Makes Us Happy Can Change Over the Course of a Lifetime
For most of us, the answer to "What is happiness?" changes over the course of a lifetime.  When you're a child, happiness is getting a new toy (at least for a while, until you get tired of it).


When you're a teenager, you might imagine that happiness would be getting away from your parents, having your own place and your independence.  When you're in your 20s and 30s, happiness might be succeeding in your career.

Meaning and Purpose in Your Life
Ask 100 people what happiness is to them, and you'll get at least 101 different answers.  For many people, happiness is finding meaning and purpose outside of themselves, something that is bigger than they are.  This might be their religion or their spirituality.

For others, happiness means having loving family and friends.  For others, happiness is knowing that they are rooted in a long line of ancestors and the family line will continue beyond them.

What is happiness to you?  I would love to hear your responses.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples, and I have helped many clients to overcome obstacles that keep them from leading a fulfilling life.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

A Search For Inner Meaning

Many people approaching their mid-life and beyond begin to search for the inner meaning to their lives. 

This search for inner meaning can be a time of confusion and doubt and it can also be an enriching time of personal growth and greater satisfaction with life.

A Search For Inner Meaning

Much depends on how you approach this time, your attitude, and what's going on for you at the time. When clients come to see me about this development in their lives, I usually encourage them to see it as "a process rather than an event," a concept borrowed from the 12 Step programs, as their process unfolds.

During this personal search for inner meaning, a question that often comes up is:  What is happiness?  Of course, there is no one-size-fits-all answer.  

But people often find that what they thought would make them happy:  more money, a bigger house, a more expensive car, and other expensive acquisitions, brings them a surge of gratification that is short lived.  

Once that surge is gone, another surge requires another, possibly bigger and better purchase, to create the next experience of excitement. And on and on it goes, requiring more and greater quick fixes to excitement.

But is this really happiness?

Book:  The Secrets of Happiness - Three Thousand Years of Searching for the Good Life
I've been very curious about the history and different cultural views about happiness and inner meaning.

While I was reading The Geography of Bliss - One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World by Eric Weiner, I came across a reference to the book, The Secrets of Happiness - Three Thousand Years of Searching for the Good Life by Professor Richard Schoch.

Professor Schoch is a professor of History at the University of London, and director of their Graduate School in Humanities and Social Sciences.

In his book, he explores three thousand years of history about people from various times, from the ancient Greeks to modern times, and how happiness and the good life were defined during those periods.

This includes philosophical and spiritual beliefs of the Utilitarians, the Epicureans, Hinduism, Buddhism, the Stoics, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, an how their beliefs relates to their definitions of happiness.

I've been enjoying reaching Professor Schoch's thought-provoking book, which is written in an accessible way (available as an e-book).

I was surprised to discover how, people's perception of happiness have changed dramatically over time.  I won't write any spoilers here, but I recommend that, if this is a topic that interests you, you read Professor Schoch's book.

I think you'll be in for a treat and might even question how you define happiness and inner meaning for yourself.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I work with individual adults and couples.  

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.