The Power of Humor and Laughter in Relationships

Many people identify a sense of humor as an important trait they seek in partners when they're dating.  

The Power of Humor and Laughter in Relationships

People often include a sense of humor as one of their attributes as well as an attribute they're seeking in a potential partner in their dating profile (see my article: Why is a Good Sense of Humor So Attractive in a Partner?).

The Power of Humor and Laughter in Relationships

Humor and laughter play a powerful role in long term relationships (see my article: The Benefits of Laughter For Your Health and Mental Health) including:

• Strengthening the Bond in a Relationship: Shared humor and laughter can increase closeness and connectedness to strengthen the bond in a relationship.

• Improving Communication: When two people can laugh together, they often overcome barriers to communication. Humor can help a couple to talk about difficult topics when humor is used in an appropriate way.

The Power of Humor and Laughter in Relationships

• Reducing Stress: Laughter increases endorphins which improves mood and reduces stress.

• Building Resilience: Laughter can have a positive impact on a person's overall sense of well-being. It can also help a couple to build resilience in their relationship.

How to Increase Laughter in Your Relationship

Stress and anxiety can make it difficult to find humor in everyday situations, especially if a couple is trying to balance family and work obligations (see my article: Balancing Your Personal Life and Your Career).

Even when you're going through stressful times, you can take steps to create an opening for humor:

• Gentle Teasing: Well-time light hearted teasing can help you and your partner to relax, laugh and enjoy each other's company.

• Playfulness and Flirting: When you flirt with your partner in playful ways, you can enjoy each other's company and even improve your sex life (see my articles: What is Rec-Relational Sex? and Try a Little Playfulness in Your Relationship).

The Power of Humor and Laughter in Relationships

• Silliness: You and your partner can share silly moments, including telling jokes or funny stories, to add humor to your relationship.

• Remember Funny Moments Together: When you and your partner recall fun times together, you're sharing moments in your life that felt good for both of you. This can strengthen the bonds between you.

• Play Fun Games Together: Taking the time together to play fun games together can help you both to laugh, relax and enjoy each other's company.

Getting Help in Therapy

A lack of humor and playfulness is often a sign of relational problems for couples.

If you and your partner have problems you have been unable to resolve on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who works with couples.

        See my article: What is Emotionally Focused Therapy For Couples (EFT)

A skilled couples therapist can help you to overcome problems so you can have a more fulfilling relationship.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

The Joy of Becoming More Playful As An Adult

Considering how stressful adulthood can be, learning to be to more playful is one of the best things you can do to improve your emotional well-being (see my articles: The Joy of Being Attuned to Your Inner Child).

The Joy of Being a Playful Adult

What Are the Benefits of Playfulness?

There are many benefits to being playful including:

• Relieving stress
• Stimulating your mind
• Enhancing creativity
• Improving mood
• Boosting vitality
• Improving social connections with others
• Learning how to cooperate with others
• Healing emotional wounds

How to Reconnect to Your Inner Child to Play

Usually, the words "inner child" are associated with overcoming trauma.  But reconnecting with your inner child can also mean allowing yourself to remember the best times of your childhood when you had fun (see my article: Opening Up to New Possibilities).

For people who are accustomed to being serious most of the time, this might involve getting out of your comfort zone, but it can be a lot of fun (see my article: Moving Out of Your Comfort Zone).

Many people have forgotten what it's like to have fun and they find themselves in a rut (see my article: Do You Remember What It's Like to Have Fun? Try a Little Playfulness).

Here are some ways that can help you to reconnect with the playful side of your inner child:

• Put on music, let loose, dance and move how ever your body wants to move
• Ride a bike in nature
• Sing or hum in the shower, including childhood songs you used to enjoy
• Laugh (see my article: The Mental Health Benefits of Laughter)
• Live in the moment (see my article: Living Fully in the Present Moment)
• Swing on a swing in the park
• Go on amusement park rides
• Reread your favorite childhood books or find new ones you might like
• Read a comic book with your favorite characters
• Watch cartoons
• Play with little children or pets
• Color in a coloring book and allow yourself to go outside the lines
• Draw pictures
• Notice the beauty in the world (see my article: Seeing Small Wonders All Around Us If We Just Take the Time to Notice
• Take an improv comedy class
• Take a storytelling class (see my article: The Psychological Benefits of Storytelling)
• Take a bubble bath 
• Learn something new

Conclusion

There can be many physical and psychological benefits to reconnecting with your inner child so you can be more playful.

Being attuned to your playful younger self can improve the quality of your life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I am a sex positive therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist).

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

The Benefits of Laughter For Your Health and Mental Health

You've probably heard the saying, "Laughter is the best medicine" which hints at the physical and mental health benefits of laughter.  In the past, I wrote an article, Humor Can Be Helpful in Psychotherapy, which explored how humor can sometimes increase the effectiveness of therapy.  In this article, I'm focusing on how laughter benefits both your physical and mental health.

The Benefits of Laughter For Your Health and Mental Health

The Benefits of Laughter For Your Health and Mental Health
Laughter is beneficial for your mind and your body because it:

• strengthens your immune system
• elevates your mood
• reduces pain
• protects you against the harmful effects of stress
• inspires hope
• helps you to connect and bond with others
• keeps you grounded
• relaxes your body
• eases stress and anxiety
• strengthens resilience (see my article: Developing Resilience)
• diffuses anger
• reduces inhibitions
• helps you to feel recharged and energized
• increases your ability to use your imagination and increases creativity (see my article: Using Positive Imagination to Cope)

Adults Need to Seek More Opportunities For Laughter
Most children tend to laugh many times a day.  However, adults tend to be more serious, and they don't laugh as much as children. Therefore, adults, who want the health and mental health benefits of laughter, need to seek out more opportunities to laugh.

You can seek out these opportunities to include more laughter in your life by:

• watching a funny movie or TV show
• watching standup comedy
• playing games with friends
• spending time with people who are funny
• playing with your pet
• reading a funny story
• sharing a funny cartoon with friends 
• engaging in laughing yoga
• being grateful for what you have
• being "silly"
• taking an improv class
• sharing true stories about yourself with others (see my article: The Psychological Benefits of Storytelling)

Examples of How to Bring More Laughter Into Your Life

Sue
After realizing that she wasn't having as much fun as she used to, Sue decided to join an improv class, which was recommended by a friend. She had never taken an improv class before and, initially, she felt intimidated. But on her first day of class, she discovered that most other people in the class had never done improv or any type of comedy before, and they were feeling just as inhibited as she was feeling. By the second class, she realized she really liked her instructor, who made learning improv fun easy.  So, after a while, Sue opened up more and allowed herself to just have fun. She realized that she had not laughed so much in years, and she decided to take the next improv class when it was over.

Jim
Although he enjoyed painting in his free time, Jim found it to be too solitary an activity, especially since he already spent a lot of time on his own as an online editor.  He didn't look forward to spending even more time alone doing his artwork.  However, at the suggestion of a neighbor, he offered a free art class to the children in his apartment building, and while he was working with the children, he realized that not only were they having fun, but he was also having fun with them.  This group activity with children helped him to feel energized, and it allowed him to spend time alone doing his own artwork.

Conclusion
As mentioned above, there are many physical health and mental health benefits to laughter.

Sometimes, you need to experiment with different activities to find one that you enjoy.  If you approach this exploration with a sense of curiosity and playfulness, you'll discover an activity that's just right for you. In addition, you'll begin to experience the benefits of laughter.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex therapist (see my article: The Benefits of Integrative Therapy).

I provide teletherapy, also known as online therapy, telemental health or telehealth for clients (see my article:  The Advantages of Online Therapy).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation with me, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Do You Remember What It Was Like to Have Fun in Your Relationship? Try a Little Playfulness

When you're in a long term relationship, it's easy to become bogged down with routines and responsibilities.  You can both get to the point where you feel so weighed down and bored that you forget the love and joy that brought the two of you together in the first place.  But you don't have to remain mired in old routines and boredom.  You can recapture some of the joy you felt in the early days of your relationship by bringing back fun and playfulness into your relationship.

Remember What It Was Like to have Fun in Your Relationship?  Try a Little Playfulness

A relationship that's serious all the time isn't enjoyable.  Over time, irritability, anxiety and a sense of being overwhelmed can erode an otherwise good relationship.

If the mood between you and your spouse tends to be heavy and serious all of the time, you're bound to become annoyed and impatient with each other.  This can lead to boredom, arguments and a feeling of estrangement between the two of you.

If this is what's happening to you and your spouse, you need to put some fun back into your relationship.

Remember "Fun?"
Do you remember what it was like to have fun with your spouse?  No?  Think back to what the two of you enjoyed doing in the past.

Over time, have you stopped doing the activities that were fun and nurturing in your relationship?

If so, maybe now is the time to talk to your spouse and choose a few activities that you used to like to do in the past and make plans to do them again.

Did you used to like to go dancing, biking or ice skating?  Have you given up these activities over time because you let all of your routines crowd them out of your schedule?

Why not make time for at least one of those activities and bring some light hearted fun back into your relationship?

Mary and Bob (a composite vignette of many cases):
Bob and Mary were married for over 25 years when they came to my psychotherapy private practice in NYC.

Their only son, Bill, moved out of state the year before to take a full time job after he graduated college.

Even though they loved their son dearly, prior to his moving out, they had been looking forward to the day when he would be on his own.  But when that day came, they both felt unprepared for the changes that it brought.

They felt a little awkward around each other without Bill at the dinner table every night talking excitedly about his plans for the future.  Neither of them realized, until he was gone, how much their lives centered around their son's life.  And now that he was gone, they each felt a void (see my article: Coping With the Empty Nest Syndrome).

At first, they each filled their spare time with individual projects around the house.  But, after a while, they realized that they were avoiding each other.  Neither of them felt any animosity towards the other.  They just felt that, aside from Bill being gone, "something was missing" from their relationship.

After a few sessions, it became evident that both of them were bored and they felt they didn't have much to look forward to in their relationship.

It was clear that, basically, they had a solid relationship--they just needed to learn to bring some fun and playfulness back into their relationship.  But when I mentioned this to them, they both looked at me as if I had lost my mind!  Bob turned away, and Mary said in a sarcastic tone, "Fun?  What's that?"

Undaunted, I persisted to recite back to them what they told me their average week was like:  Go to work, come home, have dinner, do chores, zone out in front of the TV, and go to bed.  Weekends were loaded with more chores and more mindless TV.  And neither of them could even remember the last time they had sex.

After they heard me reflect back their routines, they both agreed that it was no wonder that they each felt cranky and bored.

So, we began exploring what they each liked to do when they first got together.  We started with the ground rule that they each had to be respectful of what the other person brought up.  No groans or eye rolls.

After a few false starts where neither of them could remember what they liked to do in the early days, Mary said, somewhat sheepishly with a nervous laugh, "We used to have a lot of sex."  Bob looked away in embarrassment, so I told him that it's important to be able to talk about sex in couples counseling (see my article:  The Importance of Talking About Sexual Problems in Your Psychotherapy Sessions).

I often use humor, when appropriate, in therapy sessions (see my article: Humor Can Be An Effective Tool in Therapy).  Humor helped Bob and Mary to open up more and come up with suggestions of things they used to like to do as well as some new activities they wanted to try.

Do You Remember What It Was Like to Have Fun in Your Relationship? Try a Little Playfulness

They even began to make some tentative attempts to flirt with each other, awkwardly at first, and then with more ease.

Flirtation, which is a form of playfulness, helped them to rekindle their sex life, which was emotionally and physically gratifying for both of them.

After a few months, they looked like a different couple--more gregarious and even younger looking.  They were worrying less about their chores (Mary even joked about not worrying about the "dust bunnies" under the couch as she normally would before) and having more fun.

Putting Fun and Playfulness Back in Your Relationship

Not only were they having more fun, but they felt closer to each other than they had in many years.

Tips For Bringing Back Fun and Playfulness Into Your Relationship
Have you and your spouse forgotten how to have fun?

Here are some suggestions:

Bring humor back into your relationship:

• Watch funny movies
• Go to a comedy club
• Play games
• Tell jokes
• Change your perspective and try to see the humorous side to life's small challenges
• Learn to laugh more
• Allow yourself to be "silly" without judging yourself or your spouse

Choose activities that you both enjoy:

• Dust off those dancing shoes and hit the dance floor
• Go for a walk out in nature
• Take cooking lessons
• Learn yoga
• Sign up for art classes

Lighten Up:

• Don't get into arguments over petty issues
• Do role plays where you pretend to be different people
• Use your imagination and get creative

Getting Help in Couples Therapy
Some couples need help to get out of their own way in order to bring back fun and playfulness into their relationship.

Sometimes, there are certain issues that need to get worked out in the relationship before each person can feel comfortable with letting go to have fun.

Getting Help in Couples Therapy

If this is the case in your relationship, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who works with couples and who has experience with helping couples to learn to have a loving and fulfilling relationship again.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individuals and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.