Accepting What You Cannot Change is a Form of Change

In trauma recovery and clinical psychology, radical acceptance of what you cannot change is fundamentally an active form of psychological change because it shifts your internal state from an exhausting fight against objective reality to a profound transformation of perspective. 

Active serenity: Radical acceptance is not passive surrender, but an active internal grounding where you stop trying to control the vast external landscape and instead cultivate your own stable reality.

 

Originally penned by American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr in the 1940s, the foundational framework of the Serenity Prayer asks for the "serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." Beyond its historical integration into 12-step recovery programs, this model serves as a vital psychotherapeutic tool. It actively down-regulates anxiety by shifting an individual’s focus from external uncontrollables to internal autonomy, fostering mindfulness ,emotional boundary-setting, and systemic healing.

When you stop fighting reality, you free up massive reserves of psychological energy to redirect toward your own life, growth, and healing.

To preserve strict clinical confidentiality, the following scenario represents a composite case study illustrating how an adult client safely transitions from chronic codependent caretaking to radical acceptance through depth therapy.

The Case of Jim: The Lifelong Burden of Parentification

Jim grew up as an only child to a mother trapped in a severe, immobilizing clinical depression. As a young child, Jim naturally assumed the role of the parental caretaker—a psychological dynamic known as parentification. He sacrificed his childhood, opting to stay indoors and lay next to his bedridden mother as his primary means of emotional and physical co-regulation (see my article: What is Self Abandonment?). On her rare functional days, he played cards, watched her favorite shows, and told jokes, desperately trying to enliven her. His father, unable to cope with the marital depression, emotionally abdicated by burying himself in his work.

As an adult, Jim harbored a persistent, unconscious repetition compulsion to "heal" his mother, despite her explicit refusal to seek professional mental health treatment. His own psyche became deeply enmeshed with her pathology; because he originally connected with her through her illness, he carried a heavy, secondary depressive state himself. When Jim initiated psychotherapy, his initial goal was entirely outward-facing: he wanted a therapist to help him find the "perfect words" or actions to force his mother into recovery.

The Path to Radical Acceptance and Systemic Shifting

Through long-term trauma therapy, Jim’s practitioner helped him recognize how he had systematically abandoned his own developmental needs to carry his mother's system. Letting go of the wish to cure her felt like a profound act of disloyalty; his mind signaled that surrendering the rescue mission meant severing his only structural connection to her.

However, as the psychotherapeutic work deepened, Jim successfully executed a series of active boundaries:

• Reclaiming Autonomy: Jim began investing his emotional energy into his own life, cultivating a robust social circle, entering the dating world, and engaging in fulfilling personal hobbies.
• Dismantling the Persuasion Loop: He consciously stopped tracking his mother's moods and ceased his persistent pleas for her to enter treatment. This active surrender triggered a wave of deep, ancestral grief that he safely processed within his sessions.

This shift culminated in a pivotal interaction. When his mother noticed his emotional detachment and questioned why he had stopped pushing her to get help, Jim calmly responded: "I am learning to accept that if you do not want to get help, I have absolutely no power to change your mind."

This moment of radical acceptance transformed the family dynamic. Several weeks later, his mother called him to share an unexpected breakthrough: with Jim no longer pushing, she was no longer consuming her energy resisting his pleas. Faced with the raw reality of her own depression without an enmeshed protector to absorb the impact, she autonomously scheduled an appointment with a depression specialist.

Healing the Imprinted Trauma

Jim continued his therapeutic work to resolve the developmental trauma and somatic imprints he absorbed during childhood. His clinician utilized a targeted combination of EMDR therapy and IFS Parts Work therapy to help his nervous system safely unburden the depression he had carried for decades, allowing him to step into a vibrant state of personal aliveness.

Conclusion: Acceptance as an Active Process

While accepting what cannot be changed is often misconstrued on a superficial level as passive surrender or "giving up," it is actually a highly active, courageous internal process. It demands rigorous self-examination, a willingness to grieve unfulfilled relational desires, and a clear-eyed confrontation with reality.

In many family systems, the obsessive drive to change or save a struggling loved one is a unconscious mechanism to stay emotionally attached to them. For Jim, immersion in his mother’s illness was the only relational blueprint he knew. Releasing that illusion of control requires working through deep, long-standing developmental trauma.

Seeking Professional Help in Trauma Therapy

Shifting away from chronic over-functioning and ancestral enmeshment is neither quick nor easy. If you are struggling to separate your own well-being from a loved one's chaos, you can benefit immensely from working alongside a specialist. Rather than navigating this painful loop in isolation, seek guidance from a licensed mental health professional specializing in advanced trauma and experiential modalities. Freeing yourself from a traumatic history is the ultimate step toward reclaiming a fulfilling, authentic life.

Ready to Release the Illusion of Control?
If you have spent your life self-abandoning to carry the weight of a depressed, addicted, or chaotic family member, your body may be trapped in a permanent survival loop. True serenity isn't about successfully fixing others; it's about courageously reclaiming your own life boundaries.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and advanced practitioner specializing in IFS Parts Work, Somatic Experiencing, AEDP, EMDR, and EFT Couples Therapy. I provide depth-oriented, experiential therapy to help individual adults and couples move past internal blockages into authentic relational alignment.

To learn more about my clinical background, clinical philosophy, and healing approach, please visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

• Office Location: I see clients in-person at my Greenwich Village office (New York, NY 10011) as well as online via secure telehealth.
• Initial Consultation: I provide a complimentary 15-minute introductory phone call prior to scheduling an initial appointment.
• Contact Information: You can reach me directly at (917) 742-2624 during standard business hours or you can email me.

Medical Disclaimer

Medical Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified mental health professional or physician regarding a medical or psychological condition.

Coping With Separation Guilt as an Adult in a Traditional Family

Family loyalty is important in most families and it usually works best when there is flexibility for individuals to be loyal family members at the same time that there room for individual autonomy and personal growth (see my article: Being the Different One in Your Family).

Separation Guilt in a Traditional Family

Family loyalty usually includes:

• Being faithful and supportive of family members
• Being committed and trustworthy regarding family members
• Being emotionally present to offer support and encouragement during good times and bad
• Providing mutual support through life's challenges and successes
• Maintaining a shared identity

In addition to the above, a modern interpretation of family loyalty also includes:

• Challenging blind loyalty
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Prioritizing love over obligation (shifting from loyalty based on obligation to loyalty based on love, respect and mutual understanding)
• Encouraging personal growth (supporting each other's individual growth rather than demanding conformity)

Coping With Separation Guilt as an Adult in a Highly Traditional Family

Separation guilt is a psychological burden which occurs when individuals defy family expectations (see my article: Freeing Yourself From Family Expectations).

Separation Guilt in a Traditional Family

Defying family expectations is usually perceived by the family as being disloyal.

Key aspects of separation guilt for adult children can include:

• Breaching family expectations
• Perceived disloyalty to the family
• Emotional manipulation by family members (either consciously or unconsciously)
• Conflict with internalized beliefs 
• Fear and anxiety about being an individual in a family that expects conformity
• Fear of being ostracized from the family

This often leads to internalized conflict for individuals who prioritize their emotional and psychological well-being over family expectations.

In highly traditional families where family loyalty is prioritized over individual needs, family expectations can be spoken or unspoken and these expectations often include:

• Family obligations over individual independence, autonomy and personal growth
• A high degree of interdependence among family members where personal boundaries are blurred
• Conformity to established beliefs, traditions and values without question or deviation

How to Cope With Separation Guilt in a Highly Traditional Family

Coping with separation guilt can be very challenging.

Every situation will be different, but here are some tips that can be helpful:

• Identify and Acknowledge Your Feelings: Rather than suppressing your feelings, allow yourself to identify and acknowledge your feelings without judging them. This can include guilt, sadness, anxiety and shame.

• Explore the Root Cause of Your Guilt: Understand that feeling guilty doesn't mean you're wrong.  Assess the specific situation and the family traditions or beliefs that are causing the conflict within yourself.

• Recognize the Difference Between Guilt and Shame: Guilt is about a specific action and shame is about a more pervasive feeling about who you are as a person (see my article: What is the Difference Between Guilt and Shame?). Writing in a journal to clarify your thoughts and feelings can be helpful.

Separation Guilt in a Traditional Family

• Set Clear Boundaries: If you have decided to pursue a particular course of action that conflicts with your family's traditions and you know it is what is best for your own emotional and psychological well-being, recognize that this isn't a betrayal to your family--even though they might think it is. Clearly and respectfully communicate your needs to your family. Set clear boundaries with family members to protect your well-being (see my article: Setting Healthy Boundaries in an Enmeshed Family).

• Focus on Your Life: Focus on building a life that affirms your values and needs. Set new personal goals and spend time with people who are supportive.

• Find Emotional Support: Connect with supportive loved ones and/or join a support group for people in similar situations.

• Seek Professional Help: If you're having difficulty coping with separation guilt, consider working with a licensed mental health professional who can help you to navigate complex family dynamics.

Clinical Vignettes

The following examples of separation guilt are composites of many different cases:

• The Family Business: When Tom graduated college, he decided to pursue a career outside of the family business. Prior to making this decision, his highly traditional parents expected Tom to join the family business after graduation. When Tom told his parents about his decision, they were stunned. His father inherited the business from his father and grandfather. He was very disappointed because he expected Tom to take over one day and continue the family tradition. If Tom didn't join the family business, the business would have to be sold after the father retired. Although Tom felt anxious and sad about disappointing his parents, he knew he needed to follow his own path rather than conform to family expectations. Even though he felt separation guilt, Tom focused on his personal needs and goals with the support of friends and other family members. After a few rough years, Tom's parents conceded that he needed to follow his own dreams and they were able to reconcile.

• Religious Conversion: Ann was raised in a highly religious family. When she was a child, she adhered to her family's religious beliefs, but when she turned 21 and she was no longer living with her family, she questioned that religion. She also explored the possibility of other religions and discovered she liked Buddhism. When she spoke with her family about it, they were very upset. They couldn't believe she would abandon the family religion after all the sacrifices the family made to come to the United States for religious freedom. They were so upset that they refused to speak with her. Ann had never gone against her family and the estrangement caused her significant separation guilt. After she invited them to a few family therapy sessions, she was shocked that they forgave her. Although her family still wasn't happy that she wasn't practicing their religion, they agreed she was an adult, she could make her own decisions and they welcomed her back into the family.

• Racism: Jake was aware that his family was racist, but he hoped that once they met his girlfriend, Tania, they would grow to know and love her. He wasn't prepared for their anger and upset when they told him they didn't even want to meet her. Over time, they remained adamant and they refused to come to Jack and Tania's wedding. They told him that no one in their family had ever married anyone from a different race and they were appalled. On his wedding day, Jake had a heavy feeling in his heart because his family wasn't there, but he loved Tania and he wouldn't let his family stop him from marrying her. Two years later, his father had a massive heart attack. Although he survived, the heart attack took its toll. When Jake's sister called him, he and Tania went to the hospital to visit the father who was in a weakened state. When he saw Jake, he looked happy and he even extended his hand to Tania. He told Jake and Tania he was a foolish old man and it took a heart attack to make him realize he wanted them back in his life.

• Homophobia: Ben knew from the time he was a young boy that he was gay, but while he lived at home he kept his homosexuality a secret, which was painful for him. When he went away to college, he met the young man who became his life partner, Nick. For the year, Ben kept his relationship a secret from the family. During the holidays, Ben and Nick went home to each of their families, but the secret they were keeping was taking a toll on them. Two years into their relationship, Ben and Nick decided that it was more painful to keep their relationship a secret than it was to come out to each of their families. Nick knew his family would be accepting so when he came out to them and introduced them to Ben, they were warm and welcoming. Ben's family was a different story. They were very traditional and very conservative. He came out to his older brother first because he knew it would be easier. Although his brother was surprised, he told Ben he would always love him. But when Ben told his parents, they were very upset. His father told him to leave the family home and never come back. Although this was hurtful for Ben, he knew he was being true to himself and to Nick. Several years went by before Ben's brother was able to act as a go-between to try to bring about a reconciliation. By then, his parents had missed Ben a lot and their stance had softened somewhat. To help them understand his homosexuality, Ben gave them information about PFLAG, an organization for families of gay adult children and they began attending meetings. With the support of PFLAG, they decided they didn't want to be estranged from their son, so they invited Ben and Nick to a family dinner. Ben's father struggled to understand Ben's homosexuality and to accept his gay relationship, but he realized he loved his son and he didn't want to shun him anymore (see my article: Famly Estrangements Due to Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia).

Conclusion

Separation guilt often occurs when a family member defies family traditions and the family considers this to be disloyal.

The individual who experiences separation guilt might know logically that they are making the right personal decision for their own growth and happiness, but they can still feel guilty and ashamed for going against a family tradition.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you're experiencing separation guilt, you could use the support of a licensed mental health professional to help you to get through a difficult time.

Getting Help in Therapy

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to develop the tools and strategies to get through this difficult time.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help in psychotherapy so you can live a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, Parts Work (IFS and Ego States therapy), EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

How to Avoid Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship

Getting into a new relationship can be exciting and fun, but if you're bringing old wounds (also known as " emotional baggage") from a prior relationship into a new one, it can create a barrier to a trusting and genuine connection.

How to Avoid Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship

What Does It Mean to Bring Old Wounds Into a New Relationship?

Old wounds from a prior relationship refers to unresolved issues including:

• Emotional issues
• Beliefs
• Habits

Examples of Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship:

• Mistrust: A person who was cheated on in a prior relationship can have difficulty trusting a new partner--even when there's no reason to mistrust them.

• Fear of Abandonment: A person who was left in an unexpected way can become clingy and overly anxious in a new relationship (see my article: Overcoming Fear of Abandonment in Trauma Therapy).

• Poor Self Esteem: A person who was criticized and put down in a prior relationship can feel unworthy of experiencing love in a new relationship.

• Making Comparisons: If a person constantly compares their new partner to their old partner, this can lead to unnecessary conflict in the new relationship (see my article: Comparisons and Judgment Are the Thieves of Joy).

• Hiding Emotions: A person who was hurt when their feelings were used against them might become emotionally guarded and hide their emotions in their new relationship.

What is the Negative Impact of Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship

Bringing old wounds into a new relationship creates problems because it can:

• Create Trigger Loops: Past experiences of betrayal or abandonment can cause specific triggers in a new relationship. Your partner might react with anxiety or fear to something relatively minor in your relationship. For instance, if you're mostly on time but one time you're a few minutes late to meet, your partner might get triggered if a prior partner had a lateness problem (see my article: Coping With Triggers).

• Build Walls: Unresolved pain from a prior relationship can build walls in your new relationship. This makes it harder to trust, communicate openly and feel connected with each other (see my article: How Therapy Can Help Bring Down the Wall You've Built Around Yourself).

How to Avoid Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship

• Cause Fear: Old wounds can create a constant state of fear which isn't compatible with love. This fear can prevent you from being fully in the new relationship. It can also cause you to settle for less than what you deserve.

• Lead to Repeating Negative Patterns: If you don't resolve old issues from the past, you risk recreating them in the new relationship. If you mistake drama and chaos for love or find yourself in a negative cycle of conflict that feels familiar because it's the same negative patterns from the former relationship.

• Prevent You From Being Fully Present in the New Relationship: When you're constantly replaying old events from a former relationship, you're not fully present in the new relationship.  This can create distance in the new relationship and stop the new relationship from developing into a healthy connection.

• Distort Your Self Worth: Baggage from a prior relationship can make you question your sense of self worth. This can lead to accepting less than you deserve. It can also lead to sabotaging the new relationship.

• Prevents the New Relationship From Growing: If can be challenging to move forward when old baggage is holding you back.

How to Avoid Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship

Here are some tips that might be helpful:

• Increase Self Awareness: Before you react, pause to identify what you're feeling and ask yourself if you're displacing old baggage onto the new relationship. Ask yourself if the situation might remind you of the hurt you experienced in a prior relationship. Are your feelings based on the past or the present situation? (see my article: Responding Instead of Reacting).

• Stay in the Present: Stay in the present moment rather than getting lost in the past. Mindfulness and grounding techniques can help you to stay in the present.

How to Avoid Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship

• Practice Self Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Recognize that everyone has insecurities and it can take time to heal from old wounds (see my article: Compassionate Self Acceptance).

• Set Healthy Boundaries: Communicate to your new partner what is acceptable to you and what isn't. 

• Communicate Openly: Use "I" statements to communicate with your partner without blaming your partner, For example: "I feel scared when you distance yourself from me and you stop talking. It brings up old feelings of when I felt abandoned as a child."

How to Avoid Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship

• Stop Comparing: Avoid comparing your new partner to your old partner. This is a new relationship and a new chapter in your life.

• Focus on Building Emotional Safety: Build emotional safety within your new relationship that includes active listening, emotional honesty and empathy (see my article: Creating a Safe Haven For Each Other).

• Get Professional Support: A skilled mental health professional can help you to process unresolved feelings from a prior relationship. She can also help you to develop healthier relationship patterns. 

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette, which is a composite of many different cases, illustrates how old wounds can affect a new relationship and how therapy can help:

Jack

When Jack and Beth started dating, they had a wonderful time together during the first few months. But by their fourth month together, as the relationship became more emotionally intimate, problems began to surface.

Jack ended a prior two year relationship only a few weeks before he started dating Beth. His prior relationship with Alice was contentious and chaotic. They argued a lot and Beth cheated on Jack.

Jack found out that Beth was cheating with another man when Beth left her computer open and Jack saw sexts from another man. At first, he was stunned.  They had agreed to be monogamous early in the relationship and, even though Jack had opportunities to cheat on Beth when he traveled for work, he never cheated.

When confronted about the texts, Beth admitted she had been talking to a man online, but they had never met in person. She described it as an emotional affair. She said she felt lonely because Jack was away so much for work.  

Neither of them had the necessary communication skills to talk about the emotional affair. Jack told Beth, "Let's put it behind us" and he refused to talk about it.  But he was never able to forgive Beth for cheating.

Over time, Jack's resentment created walls. Gradually they became more and more emotionally distant from each other. They also stopped having sex.

By the end of two years, they both agreed they were unhappy and they decided to end their relationship.

A few months later, Jack met Alice. As previously mentioned, initially their relationship was going well. But in their fourth month together, Jack became jealous whenever Beth had to work on a project with a male colleague, Joe.

Despite reassurance from Beth that there was nothing going on between her and her male colleague, Jack felt anxious and irritable whenever Alice spent time with Joe. He treated Alice like she was cheating--even though there was no evidence of this.

After a few arguments, Alice told Jack she thought he was comparing her to his former girlfriend, Beth and he needed to seek help in therapy to deal with his old wounds or their relationship wasn't going to work.

How to Avoid Bringing Old Wounds Into a New Relationship

When Jack thought about it, he realized Alice was right, so he sought help from a licensed mental health professional to work through his unresolved feelings about his prior relationship.

His therapist was a trauma therapist who helped Jack to heal old wounds using EMDR Therapy and Parts Work Therapy.

While he was working on healing his wounds, Jack also realized that the baggage he was bringing into his new relationship was also related to his childhood when his mother cheated on his father and they almost got a divorce. 

Even though his parents decided to stay together and "put it behind them", they never resolved their problems and they remained emotionally distant. Jack realized that he was repeating the same pattern because he was bringing his unresolved feelings into his relationship with Alice.

Jack's work in therapy was neither quick nor easy. Gradually, he healed his childhood wounds and the wounds he experienced in his relationship with Beth. 

When he made the connection between his old wounds and how he was treating Alice, he communicated openly with her about it.

As he continued to make connections in his trauma therapy, his relationship with Alice improved.

Conclusion

Old emotional wounds from your family of origin and prior relationships can have a negative impact on your current relationship.

Doing the work in therapy to work through old wounds can improve your relationship.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

The Potential Advantages and Disadvantages of a Second Chance Relationship

In my prior article, How to Decide Whether to Give a Former Relationship a Second Chance, I discussed what you need to consider if you're thinking about getting back into a former relationship. If you haven't read it, take a look at that article (using the link above) before you read this article.

Assuming you have made the decision to get back with an ex, the current article discusses the potential pros and cons to a second chance relationship.

What is a Second Chance Relationship?

A second chance relationship is when a couple who broke up get back together again after a period of separation.

Second Chance Relationships

Under these circumstances, the two former partners decide to forgive each other and make an attempt to grow from the prior situation by trying to work on the problems they had when they were together before.  

What Are the Potential Advantages and Disadvantages of a Second Chance Relationship?

No two situations are alike, but here are some of the potential advantages and disadvantages of second chance relationships:

Potential Advantages

• Familiarity and Comfort: You're already comfortable because you know each other and you don't have to go through the "getting to know you" phase that you would with someone new.

Second Chance Relationships

• Existing Connection: You have a shared history and a foundation for the relationship which can create a strong bond.

• Mutual Growth: Both you and your ex had a chance while you were apart to grow, reflect on what went wrong the first time and become better versions of yourselves during your time apart.  

Potential Disadvantages

• Lingering Resentment and Pain: It can be difficult to let go of old resentments which can sabotage the relationship.

• Repeating Negative Patterns: Old habits and ways of being can be difficult to overcome. You and your ex might find yourselves repeating old negative patterns that caused the breakup the first time around.

Second Chance Relationships

• Difficulty Rebuilding Trust: If trust issues were the cause of the breakup the first time, these issues can be difficult to overcome. It would take work on to show rebuild trust.

• Lack of a Full Commitment: The familiarity and comfort can make it challenging to put in the effort to make a full commitment (see my article: Are You and Your Partner on the Same Page About Your Relationship?).

• Lack of Growth Opportunities: By giving a former partner a second chance, you might be forgoing the opportunity to meet someone new and start a new relationship where you can grow.

What Can You and Your Partner Do to Try to Succeed in a Second Chance Relationship?

To try to succeed in a second chance relationship, both of you must be willing to make a commitment to:

• Identify and Address Past Problems: Take the time to sit with your partner and address why things didn't work out the first time. You and you partner need to address the root causes of the breakup and take responsibility for each of your roles in those issues. Avoid focusing on blame and focus on finding solutions.

• Set Clear Boundaries and Expectations: Discuss needs and expectations as well as dealbreakers. Work together to set these boundaries and expectations early in the reconnection phase to prevent misunderstandings and so both people can feel secure (see my article: Setting Boundaries in a Relationship).

• Commit to Personal Growth: Both of you must be willing to work on the behaviors that caused the breakup the first time. Focusing on personal growth is critical for the relationship to succeed.  

Second Chance Relationships

• Prioritize Open Communication: Prioritize open and honest communication. Take the time to check in with each other periodically to see how each you're doing. Discuss feelings, concerns, expectations. Each of you needs to feel heard and valued. Use "I" statements to express your needs and feelings without blame (see my article: Improving Communication in Your Relationship).

• Rebuild Trust Gradually: If trust was broken in the past, it will take time and patience to rebuild trust. Focus on making and keeping small commitments and to showing a  commitment to change and reliability.

• Go Slow and Be Patient: Resist the urge to go back to where you were in your relationship in the past. Rebuilding connection takes time. Allow the time and space for the relationship to build gradually and naturally.

• Practice Forgiveness: Sincere amends and forgiveness are necessary to give a relationship a second chance. Holding onto old resentments will sabotage a new chance for the relationship (see my article: The Psychological Stages of Forgiveness).

• Focus on the Present and the Future: Assuming trust is being rebuilt and there have been genuine amends and forgiveness, focus on the present and the future without getting stuck in the past.

Getting Help in Couples Therapy

• Seek Professional Help If Needed: A couples therapist can provide you with the tools and strategies to get through this complicated phase of the relationship. She can also help you to address unresolved issues and communication patterns.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.