What is Trauma-Related Masking?

Masking is a trauma-related response where individuals hide their true personality, feelings or behavior and mimic others as a maladaptive coping strategy to present a false self.

Trauma-Related Masking

One of the problems with masking, which is also known as social camouflage, is that it creates a disconnect from an individual's true self or genuine self. 

Another problem is that it doesn't allow for genuine connections with others.

Why Causes Trauma Masking?

Childhood trauma can create deeply rooted feelings of:

• Fear
• Shame
  
• Guilt
• A sense of being unworthy or being unlovable

Masking these and other feelings temporarily helps individuals to deal with social situations where they feel too much stress and anxiety to be themselves. 

What Does Masking Look Like?

Masking can include some or all of the following:

• Suppressing feelings
• Hiding aspects of one's personality
• Trying to mimic other people to act in a way that they think is acceptable to others

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette, which is a composite of many cases, illustrates how an individual with a traumatic history uses masking and how trauma therapy can help.

Jane

When Jane left her parents' home to go to college, she felt anxious about meeting new people in college.

Throughout elementary school, middle school and junior high school, Jane only had one or two friends who made an effort to befriend her. She never invited any of these friends home because her father was usually drunk and her mother was depressed so Jane felt too ashamed to allow anyone into her home.

When she met her roommates at college, Jane felt too self conscious to allow her guard down so she tried to imitate their way of speaking and behaving because she believed this is what she had to do to be accepted.

Trauma-Related Masking

Then, one day one of the roommates, Rita, told Jane she realized that Jane was uncomfortable. She told Jane she wanted to have a genuine friendship with her, but she felt Jane wasn't being herself and she encouraged her to be herself.

At first, Jane pretended she didn't know what Rita was talking about. But a couple of weeks later, Jane confided in Rita that she had been pretending and she felt disconnected from herself for so long that she wasn't even sure who she was anymore. 

Soon after that Jane decided to see one of the counselors in the student counseling unit and the counselor was able to help Jane to cope with her anxiety and shame.  She also helped Jane to get help from a trauma therapist off campus.

The trauma therapist got a detailed family history from Jane and asked her about her goals for therapy. Jane told her that she was tired of trying to hide who she was and she wanted to learn to feel comfortable with herself.

Her therapist explained the concept of masking and this explanation resonated with Jane.  She realized she had been pretending to be someone else her whole life because she was afraid people wouldn't like her. 

Her therapist worked with Jane by helping her to feel emotionally safe in therapy and they didn't start to process Jane's traumatic history until Jane felt prepared to do the work (see my article: Why Establishing Emotional Safety is Essential in Trauma Therapy).

When Jane was ready, she and her therapist used EMDR Therapy and Somatic Experiencing to help Jane to process her traumatic history.

The work wasn't quick or easy but, over time, Jane began to feel like herself. She no longer felt the need to pretend to be someone else. She gradually let her guard down and she realized that people liked her for who she really was and not who she was pretending to be. 

Even more important, Jane accepted herself for who she really was and she felt good about it.

How to Overcome Trauma-Related Masking

• Self Awareness: Self awareness is the first step to overcoming trauma-related masking (see my article: What is Self Reflective Awareness?).

Overcoming Trauma-Related Masking

• Self Compassion and Self Acceptance: Self compassion can be challenging due to shame, fear and guilt, but it's a necessary step on the way to healing trauma (see my article: Acceptance and Self Compassion).

• Trauma Therapy: Trauma-related masking is difficult to overcome on your own, so getting help in trauma therapy is an important part of healing.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

Hiding behind a mask can be emotionally exhausting and lonely.

As mentioned earlier, you're not just emotionally disconnected from others, you become emotionally disconnected from yourself.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

A skilled trauma therapist can help you to work through unresolved trauma so you no longer feel the need to mask your true self.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional to free yourself from your traumatic history and live a meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experiencing helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How Do You Know If You're Ready to Seek Help in Trauma Therapy?

Many people procrastinate getting help in therapy to deal with unresolved trauma (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

One the one hand, it's understandable that people want to think carefully before beginning trauma therapy because it's a commitment. 

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

On the other hand, it's possible to procrastinate and overthink it to the point where years go by and you're still dealing with the impact of unresolved trauma.

How Do You Know If You're Ready to Seek Help in Trauma Therapy?

Here are some characteristics that would be helpful:

• Some Awareness and Curiosity of the Impact of the Trauma: You have some awareness that traumatic circumstances in your life have had a negative impact on you. You might not understand the full impact, but you have a sense that your traumatic history is creating problems in your present life (see my article: Why is Past Trauma Affecting You Now?).

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

• A Desire and Willingness to Change: In addition to being aware of the problem, you have a desire and willingness to change. This includes realizing that working through trauma isn't a quick fix process (see my article: Developing Internal Motivation to Change).

• Feeling Emotionally Ready to Start the Process: You are at a point in your life when you feel ready emotionally to begin the process. Your trauma therapist will help you develop the necessary tools and skills to prepare for processing the trauma. The length of time for the preparation phase of trauma therapy varies depending upon a client's particular circumstances.

• Having the Time to Commit to the Process: You understand that trauma therapy involves a commitment of time and you can commit to once-a-week trauma therapy to work through yout traumatic history.

• A Willingness to Confront the Problem: Although you know it will be challenging, you are willing to confront the problem with help and support from your therapist. 

• An Openness to Emotional Vulnerability: You understand working on the problem will involve opening up emotionally to traumatic events from the past, but that you're in charge of deciding when you're ready to start processing the trauma and your therapist will assess with you the timing of the processing.

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette is a composite of many cases (to protect confidentiality) and illustrates one possible pathway for the decision-making process:

Anna

A few years after Anna graduated college, she was aware she was having problems connecting on an emotional and sexual level with men.  

She watched videos, listened to podcasts and read articles about psychological trauma, so she had some awareness that there was something in her history that was affecting her in her present life.

Initially, she was afraid to seek help in therapy because she was feared therapy would be too overwhelming, so she thought about it for a several years and kept putting it off. But when she heard about a close friend's experience with trauma therapy, she became curious for herself.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

Her friend, Carol, told Anna she was also scared to start trauma therapy at first, but she felt motivated to get help because her relationship with John was getting serious and she realized she was worrying she might create the same tumultuous relationship her parents and she really didn't want to that.

Carol told Anna that, after talking to another friend about trauma therapy, she got curious to find out what it was about. So, she had an hourlong consultation with a trauma therapist who described the process to her and she realized the therapist would go at Carol's pace. She also realized she felt comfortable with this therapist.

Carol also told Anna her therapist prepared her to process her traumatic family history using EMDR Therapy. Carol said the therapist also used Parts Work Therapy. 

Carol said she learned so much about herself and, even though she was still processing the trauma, she was beginning to feel like a weight was being lifted from her. 

She also began to realize she wouldn't repeat her parents' dysfunctional patterns and it was possible for her to have a healthy relationship with John.

Anna trusted Carol. She also knew she wanted to be more open emotionally and sexually so she could eventually get into a relationship. So she set up a consultation with another trauma therapist who was recommended to her.

During the consultation, the trauma therapist asked her what she wanted to work on in therapy. In addition, the therapist explained the different types of trauma therapy she did including:

• EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Processing)

• Parts Work Therapy

• Somatic Experiencing

• Hypnotherapy (also known as Clinical Hypnosis)

She also explained the preparation phase of trauma therapy and that it would be Anna's decision when she felt ready to go on to the next stage, processing the trauma.

After her initial consultation, her trauma therapist helped Anna to develop the skills and tools she needed to process her trauma. 

When both Anna and her therapist felt she was ready, they began working on processing her trauma keeping in mind Anna's goal of becoming more emotionally and sexually open.

Over time, Anna noticed small positive changes in herself where she began to feel more open and curious about opening up emotionally and sexually.

Her therapist told her that setbacks are a normal part of the therapy process on the road to healing, so Anna wasn't surprised when she had a minor setback.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

When Anna began dating Bill, she felt more comfortable with him than she had ever felt in the past with other men. He was willing to take things slowly until they dated for a while.  

Over time, as she continued to process her childhood history in trauma therapy, Anna was able to open up to be more vulnerable with Bill.

She also enjoyed her therapy sessions, even though she had to process difficult memories, because she was learning about herself and she was opening up to new possibilities in her life.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

If you have been on the fence for a while about getting help in therapy, you can start by contacting a therapist for a consultation.

Use the time in the consultation to ask about the therapy process, how the therapist works and any other questions you might have about trauma therapy.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

You might need to have more than one appointment to tell if you feel comfortable with the therapist or you might need to see a few therapists before you know which one to choose (see my article: How to Choose a Therapist).

Freeing yourself from your traumatic history can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and  Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experience as a trauma therapist helping individual adults and couples to overcome traumatic experiences.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Healing Psychological Trauma By Integrating Split Off Parts of Yourself in Trauma Therapy

In my prior article, What is Hypervigilance and How Is It Related to Unresolved Trauma?, I focused on the unconscious trauma-related defense mechanism of hypervigilance.

Healing Trauma

In the current article I'm focusing on how trauma therapy can help you to integrate the various split off parts of yourself.

What Are Split Off Parts of Yourself?

When you're trying to cope as best you can with traumatic situations, a common unconscious temporary coping strategy is to "zone out" or dissociate from your thoughts, feelings or circumstances (see my article: Discovering Disowned Parts of Yourself).

Healing Trauma

This coping strategy is relevant at all ages, but it's especially relevant if you're a young child because young children haven't developed the necessary skills and strategies to deal with dysfunction happening around them--whether the dysfunction is a chaotic family, unpredictable parents, abusive or neglectful parents, substance abusing parents or other similar traumatic situations.

As a child, when you're not emotionally or psychologically equipped to deal with trauma, being able to dissociate (or "zone out") is an adaptive survival strategy when what is happening around you is overwhelming and traumatic. 

Dissociation is a way your mind protects you by compartmentalizing events or circumstances that would otherwise cause you overwhelming stress. The overwhelming stress of childhood trauma is especially difficult if there is no one to help you to manage it.

Dissociation creates a sense of detachment from overwhelming stress and it can allow you to function reasonably well in other areas of your life. 

For example, even though there might be highly traumatic dynamics in your home, if you compartmentalize these dynamics, you can excel academically or in sports and anyone who doesn't know your family dynamics might not be aware that you're being traumatized at home because you appear to be a "normal" child in every other way.

Why is Integrating Split Off Parts of Yourself Essential For Healing from Trauma?

Everything I have mentioned so far about dissociation sounds adaptive, so why is there a need to integrate the parts of yourself that have been dissociated?

As I mentioned previously, dissociation is a temporary unconscious solution during traumatic circumstances but, as an adult, you pay a price for the parts of yourself you have dissociated.

Healing Trauma

First, it's important to understand that, unlike dissociation, psychological integration is a strong indicator of positive mental health because it involves bringing together various parts of your personality, thoughts, feelings and behavior into a cohesive whole. 

Second, psychological integration leads to increased self awareness, self reflective capacity, emotional regulation and resilience.

However, when you have dissociated parts of yourself, you can experience a lack of self awareness and emotional dysregulation and a lack of psychological integration.

Dissociated parts can also create problems in your adult relationships because you might externalize your problems by blaming others and projecting dissociated negative feelings about yourself on your partner, which can be an obstacle to healthy relationships.

How Does Trauma Therapy Help to Integrate Split Off Parts of Yourself

Trauma therapy is an umbrella term for many different types of therapy including:

• EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

• Somatic Experiencing
  

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)

• Parts Work Therapy (including Internal Family Systems, also known as IFS, and Ego States Therapy)

• Hypnotherapy (also known as Clinical Hypnosis)
  

Clinical Vignette

As mentioned above, there are different types of trauma therapy. 

The following clinical vignette, which is a composite of many cases, illustrates how Parts Work Therapy can help with integrating dissociated parts:

Bob

When he was a child, Bob grew up in a family where his father was a severe alcoholic and his mother had an eating disorder. 

Whenever Bob's father, Jim, drank at night, he would become enraged, scream at Bob's mother, Bob and his two older brothers. Sometimes Jim would get so angry that he would go on a drunken rampage throughout the house where he would break furniture.

Bob's mother, Anna, was so frightened that she would cower in the corner of the room with Bob and his brothers. She was afraid Jim might physically abuse them. Although he never got violent with them, there was always the fear that his drunken rage would end in physical violence.

After his drunken rampages, Jim would be physically exhausted. Then, he would beg Anna to help him to go up the stairs to bed. At that point, Anna was so relieved his rage was over that she would help him to walk up the stairs so he could collapse in his bed.

Afterwards, Anna would come downstairs in a state of anxiety and she would binge eat. Typically, she would eat a few boxes of donuts, cereal, cookies, a couple of bags of potato chips and leftovers from dinner until she felt sick and then she would go upstairs to sleep in a separate bedroom from Jim.

After their father went to sleep, Bob's brothers would disappear into their own bedrooms and lock their doors. As a result, Bob was left alone with no one to talk to about his father's drunken rampage and his mother's eating disorder.  So, he would climb the stairs to his own bedroom and stare at the ceiling for hours until he eventually fell asleep.

Healing Trauma in Trauma Therapy

As an adult, when Bob started trauma therapy, he didn't remember much of his childhood at first. He remembered doing well academically and in sports, but the rest of his childhood was a blur because he had dissociated it.

He sought help in therapy because he was having problems in his relationship with Nina, a woman he had been dating for a year. She asked him to get help because she was fed up with him blaming her for his problems.

Before processing the trauma, his therapist worked with Bob to help him to develop better coping skills. She taught him mindfulness meditation. She also encouraged him to journal to increase his self reflective capacity.

When his therapist assessed he was prepared to process his traumatic childhood, she introduced him to Parts Work Therapy (see my article: Getting to Know the Many Parts of Yourself in Parts Work Therapy).

They started slowly so Bob could get the sense of what it means to have different internal aspects of himself. Gradually, he became aware that, just like everyone else, he had many internal parts and shifting self states and this was normal (see my article: Understanding. Your Shifting Self States).

When his therapist assessed Bob was ready to work on his unresolved trauma, she asked him to bring in pictures of himself from childhood. Since his family didn't take a lot of pictures when he was a child, Bob could only find two pictures of himself.

He hadn't seen these pictures in a long time and when he looked at them in his therapy session, he was surprised to see himself as a young child sitting by himself with a blank stare. It was at that moment when Bob understood how dissociated he had been when he was a child. 

He also realized why he didn't have many memories from that time--his experiences had been dissociated and compartmentalized so that they were inaccessible to him at that point.

As Bob gazed at his pictures, he felt a deep sense of compassion for his childhood self and Parts Work Therapy helped him to reconnect to that part of himself (see my article: Self Compassion as an Essential Part of Trauma Recovery.

Over time, Bob sensed his younger self coming alive again. He was able to reconnect with his younger self and imagine he could give his younger self what he didn't get as a child.

Healing Trauma in Trauma Therapy

Gradually, as Bob became more psychologically integrated, he developed a greater sense of self awareness, self reflective capacity and a capacity for emotional regulation.  

His girlfriend noticed the difference which helped to improve their relationship.

After he overcame his anger towards his parents, Bob felt compassion for them too because he realized each of them had been traumatized when they were younger (see my article: What is Intergenerational Trauma?).

Conclusion

Dissociation is a unconscious survival strategy that temporarily helps to deal with overwhelming events or circumstances.

However, over time, even though dissociation is temporarily helpful, it creates problems in terms of a lack of psychological integration.

Traumatic dissociation, especially dissociation that occurs over time, is an obstacle to psychological integration and positive mental health.

Trauma therapy can help to integrate the dissociated parts of yourself so you can develop increased self awareness, emotional regulation and healthy relationships.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

If you think unresolved trauma is an obstacle to your well-being, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who is a trauma therapist.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

A skilled trauma therapist, who has advanced skills and training in trauma recovery, can help you to work through unresolved trauma.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help in trauma therapy so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experience helping individual adults and couples (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

I offer in person therapy in my Greenwich Village office or online sessions.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Relationships: Navigating Changes in Your Relationship as New Parents

Becoming new parents can be joyous and wonderful, but it can also be challenging to your relationship which can make you feel guilty.

Navigating Changes in Your Relationship as New Parents

The Challenges of Being New Parents

Some of the challenges of being a new parents are fairly well known:

• Being sleep deprived especially during the first few months

• Feeling irritable due to sleep deprivation

• Experiencing poor concentration due to lack of sleep

• Experiencing increased stress and anxiety (see my article: Recognizing the Signs That You're Under Too Much Stress)

• Losing patience with your partner and yourself

• Feeling anxious about being a new parent (see my article: Self Help Tips For Dealing With Anxiety)

• Feeling like you are not a "good enough" parent

• Experiencing postpartum depression

Postpartum Depression

• Feeling jealous that your partner pays more attention to the baby than to you

• Feeling like you are neglecting yourself (see my article: Is Self Care Selfish?)

• Feeling like you and your partner are neglecting your needs as a couple

• Feeling the need to take a break from parenting

• Realizing you and your partner have different parenting styles

• Feeling like you have lost control of your life, your relationship and your household

• Not feeling like a sexual being (see my article: What is Sexual Desire Discrepancy?)

• Feeling less physically attractive

• Feeling less sexually attracted to your partner (see my article: What is Attraction?)

• Having less sex in your relationship (see my article: Have You and Your Partner Stopped Having Sex?).

• Listening to seemingly endless advice and childrearing stories from relatives and friends

• Coping with visits from relatives and friends when you're exhausted (see my article: Coping With Difficult In-Laws).

• Re-experiencing traumatic memories from your own childhood

Awareness and Acceptance That Your Relationship Has Changed

Before you had the baby, the two of you probably had more time to do whatever you wanted to do or to just relax at home.

The two of you could focus on yourself as individuals and your relationship as a couple. 

Before you had the baby, you probably knew your lives would change and you both would need to adjust, but knowing it and actually experiencing the changes are two different things.

Now, in addition to being a couple, you're both parents and parenting will take up most of your time and energy. You don't have as much time to nurture your relationship as you did before the baby because the baby's needs are the priority. 

In the past, when two or three generations lived close by, new parents had more help, but things have changed in recent years and many new parents don't have close relatives who can help. So, all the responsibilities of taking care of a baby fall on the new parents, which adds to their stress and anxiety.

All of these factors and more can have a negative impact on your relationship as you both realize how much your life has changed.

How to Navigate the Change to Your Relationship as New Parents

• Cultivate awareness and acceptance that your life and your relationship have changed (see my article: Change, Awareness and Acceptance).

• Find ways to practice self care even if these practices are small (see my article: Finding Time for Self Care).

• Approach these new life changes as a team (see my article: Improving Your Relationship By Practicing Teamwork).

• Develop open communication about how you feel about your new role as a parent and feelings it might bring up about your relationship.

• Make time for each other, even in small ways. This can help you to maintain an emotional connection with each other.

• Share responsibilities for the baby and other household responsibilities fairly (see my article: Sharing the Mental Load).

• Reassess the need to shift responsibilities from time to time so neither of you feel resentful.

• Be patient with yourself and each other as you both navigate these changes.

• Get help from a licensed mental health professional if the changes have put a strain on your relationship.

Getting Help in Couples Therapy

Adding another commitment to your schedule might feel like the last thing you want to do with all your new responsibilities, but if your relationship is suffering due to all the new changes that parenthood brings, you could benefit from seeing a couples therapist to salvage your relationship.

A skilled couples therapist can help you to adjust to the changes to your relationship so you can approach the changes as a team.

Rather than waiting until your relationship problems get worse, seek help early so you can have a more fulfilling relationship.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experiencing helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

Improving Your Relationship By Practicing Teamwork

Practicing teamwork in your relationship is essential to developing and maintaining relationships (see my article: Relationships: Are You Pulling Together or Pulling Apart?).

Improving Your Relationship By Practicing Teamwork

To practice teamwork, it's important for both you and your partner to feel you have each other's backs and you will tackle whatever issues come up together.

Focusing on being a team means you each give up some control and the need to be right all the time. It also means that you learn to compromise.

How to Practice Teamwork to Improve Your Relationship

The following dynamics are important to working together as a team in your relationship:

• A Willingness to Start By Looking at How You Might Be Contributing to Problems in the Relationship: Before you can become a team, you need to be aware of dynamics in your relationship that are not working. Instead of pointing your finger at your partner, focus on yourself first and think about how you might be able to change to improve your relationship. This means letting go of keeping score of your partner's mistakes and making a commitment to make changes in your attitude and behavior.

Improving Your Relationship By Practicing Teamwork

• Trusting You Have Each Other's Backs and You're Willing to Compromise: You are two different people so, naturally, you're not going to feel the same way about everything, but when it comes to resolving problems, you can agree to work as a team to come up with a compromise. You're not focused on getting your way. Instead your focus is on coming up with the best possible compromise that you both can live with.  This means you might not get everything you want, but your focus is on strengthening your relationship. If there are current trust issues, you're willing to work on these issues to strengthen your relationship (see my article: How to Build Trust and Connection in Your Relationship).

Improving Your Relationship By Practicing Teamwork

• Coming Together to Focus on the Problem Instead of Blaming Each Other: When you approach problems as a team, you avoid blaming each other for the problems and, instead, you focus on the problems together. It means you and your partner approach difficult situations together to come up with potential solutions or compromises. This might include:

• Money issues (see my article: Arguing About Money)

• Family problems (see my article: What to Do If Your Partner and Your Parents Don't Get Along)

• Career changes
  

• Stress (see my article: Recognizing Signs That You Are Under Too Much Stress

• Emotional pressures

• Other issues

• Communicating in An Open, Honest and Respectful Manner: This includes: 

• Active listening to your partner's perspective--even if it's different from your own

• Taking turns speaking without interrupting, judging or criticizing each other

Improving Your Relationship By Practicing Teamwork

• Being clear about your own hopes and dreams for the relationship--even if it's different from your partner's hopes and dreams

• Emotionally validating each other's feelings--even if you disagree with your partner's perspective (see my article: How to Use Emotional Validation in Your Relationship)

• Establishing Common Goals (see my article: 10 Relationshp Goals That Can Make Your Relationship Stronger)

• Developing Clear Expectations: Once you have established common goals for the relationship, you need to discuss how you will accomplish these goals and get clear about each other's expectations with regard to each of your roles and responsibilities to avoid confusion and resentment.

• Celebrating Your Successes: When you have successfully taken a step towards accomplishing your goals, recognize and celebrate this success together.

Improving Your Relationship By Practicing Teamwork

• Providing Emotional Support to Each Other: Practicing teamwork includes being each other's source of emotional support. You are each other's "rock" in good and challenging times (see my article: What Do You Need to Feel Closer to Your Partner?).

• Expressing Your Appreciation For Each Other: It's easy to take each other for granted especially if you have been together for a while. Take the time to express your appreciation to each other so you each feel valued and loved (see my article: The Importance of Expressing Gratitude To Your Partner).

• Making Time For Each Other: Scheduling quality time to spend together to have fun. This includes time for emotional and sexual intimacy (see my article: Try a Little Playfulness).

• Repairing Ruptures Between the Two of You Sooner Rather Than Later: When arguments or conflicts arise and you know you made a mistake or hurt your partner, be willing to apologize to repair the rupture between the two of you as quickly as possible. Certain ruptures might take a while to repair, but the sooner you address them, the more likely you will be to repair whatever hurt or angry feelings there might be without the growing resentment that often develops over time (see my articles: How to Deal With Resentment in Your Relationship and Stages of Forgiveness).

• Get Help in Couples Therapy: If you are unable to come together as a team, you could benefit from getting help in couples therapy to work on these issues. A skilled couples therapist can help you so you can have a more fulfilling relationship (see my article: What is Emotionally Focused Therapy For Couples?).

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experience working with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

What Do Couples Talk About in Couples Therapy?

Common Misconceptions About Sex Therapy

What Are Common Issues Discussed in Sex Therapy?