Are You in a Relationship With Someone Who Has a Dark Triad Personality?

If your relationship started out well but now you're seeing toxic personality traits in your partner, you might be in a relationship with someone who has a Dark Triad Personality.

The Dark Triad Personality

The Dark Triad psychological theory was originally proposed in 2002 by researchers Kevin Williams and Delroy Paulus who identified three malevolent personality traits:

• Narcissism

• Psychopathy

• Machiavellianism

Any one of these traits would be difficult in a relationship, but the combination of all three traits in the Dark Triad Personality make them especially challenging.

So, let's look at each one separately:

• Narcissism:
• A need for admiration and attention
• A sense of entitlement
• Arrogance
• A lack of empathy for others
• Manipulation and exploitation of others for their own gain
• Feeling like they're the "victim" when they are the ones who victimize others
• Criticizing others
• Envying others or believing others envy them
• Expecting special treatment

• Psychopathy: There are two types of psychopathy: Primary psychopathy and secondary psychopathy (psychopathy should not be confused with psychosis).

• Primary Psychopathy:
• Cold
• Callus
• Manipulative
• Often successful
• No remorse or guilt for the negative impact they have on others

• Secondary Psychopathy:
• Impulsive risk taker with bad results
• Usually unsuccessful

• Machiavellianism: 
• Cunning
• Deceitful
• Acting only in their own self interest
• Lacking empathy for others

How Do You Know If You're With Someone Who Has a Dark Triad Personality?

People who have a Dark Triad personality are very good at masking their negative qualities so you don't see it at first.  They often use their charm to disarm people until they get what they want.

Both men and women can have a Dark Triad Personality.  

A typical example is the man who is a "player" or "F-Boy" (see my articles: Understanding the Underlying Emotional Dynamics of Players - Part 1 and Part 2).

The combination of the following characteristics might indicate you're with someone who has a Dark Triad Personality:

• They're Usually Successful:  Assuming they have primary psychopathy, they usually know how to succeed by selfishly putting their own interests first--often at the expense of others. In addition to whatever skills and talent they might possess, they know how to use charisma (and possibly good looks) to manipulate the right people who can help them to get ahead.  Then, they often discard those people because they're no longer useful to them. It's not unusual for them to engage in unethical or illegal behavior once they have succeeded.  

• They Often Have Problems With Anger Management: They might not explode in front of their boss because that could ruin their chance for success, but they might unleash their rage and impulsivity at you behind closed doors. 

• They Have a Hard Time Maintaining a Long Term Relationship: They usually have a string of brief relationships.  They might be in a relationship for a few years or more if they find partners with low self esteem who are willing to put up with their bad behavior (e.g., cheating, lying and so on).  Also, when they're in a relationship, they have no sense of shame or guilt about lying and cheating (see my article: What Are the 12 Telltale Signs You're With a Womanizer).

• They're Cold Towards Others: While they're trying to get what they want, whether it's a sexual conquest or a job promotion, they know how to manipulate by appearing as if they're kind, friendly and agreeable, but this is only a means to an end. Once they've gotten what they want, they're cold and unfeeling.

• They Engage in Impulsive and Risky Behavior: For people with primary psychopathy, the risky and impulsive behavior often pays off because they usually have good instincts--but this is not the case for people with secondary psychopathy.  People with secondary psychopathy often take big risks and get small or no rewards.

• They Don't Have Morals, Ethics and Empathy: People with a Dark Triad Personality will lie, cheat and manipulate to get what they want and not think about the impact on others because they don't care. They're lacking in morals, ethics and empathy. They only care to the extent that it might get in the way of what they want.

• They Bully Others: They might engage in verbal, emotional or physical abuse to get what they want. Their objective is to gain power over others.

Next Article: In my next article, I'll give tips on how to handle a Dark Triad personality.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

                

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How Mindfulness and Self Compassion Can Help With Body Acceptance

I began a discussion about the challenges of having a negative body image in a prior article (see my article: Is a Negative Body Image Ruining Your Sex Life?). 

In the current article I'm focusing on how mindfulness and self compassion can help with body acceptance.

Mindfulness and Self Compassion Help With Body Acceptance

How Western Culture Perpetuates Women's Body Shame

Women are bombarded with messages on social media, TV, the movies and magazines about how their bodies should look.  

When women feel their bodies don't conform to these images, they feel ashamed of their bodies. This also affects sense of self worth and how they interact in relationships. 

Helpful Tips:

The following tips can be helpful in the process of going from a negative body image to body acceptance:

• Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Women Who Have "Perfect" Bodies: Obviously, there's no such thing as a "perfect" body.  But you might have an ideal image you're comparing yourself to when you look at other people.  Instead of comparing your body to the bodies you see at the gym, on social media or in other places, find aspects of your body that you like.  Western culture gives subtle and not so subtle messages that women should compare themselves unfavorably to other women.  This is a form of misogynistic manipulation that keeps women competing instead of supporting each other.

• Become Aware of Who Cashes In ($$$) On Your Negative Body Image: Fatphobia,  the stigmatization of weight gain and the idealization of thinness keep women feeling insecure about their bodies and makes them easy marketing targets in a capitalistic society. Ask yourself who benefits from your negative beliefs about your body.  There are plenty of industries, including the fitness and diet industries, that cash in on women feeling ashamed of their bodies. They often foster unrealistic expectations to keep women feeling insecure and willing to buy their products and services in an effort to have the "ideal body."

• Become Aware of the Intergenerational Impact of a Negative Body Image:  The messages about body image are so pervasive that it's difficult not to internalize them. Once you have accepted these negative messages that your body should look a certain way, these beliefs perpetuate themselves and become an intergenerational problem where mothers can unconsciously pass them on to their daughters. As a result, that the trauma continues from one generation to the next. Make a commitment to let is stop with you.

• Find Ways to Enjoy and Appreciate Your Body As It Is: If you look at yourself in the mirror, can you find at least one thing that you like about yourself? Find inspiration by focusing on the things your body can do instead of how your body looks.  Even if you are differently abled or have certain limitations, you can find ways to appreciate your body as it is.  For instance, learn to appreciate that your body is able to pump thousands of barrels of blood throughout your lifetime.  Similarly, think about how amazing it is that body has millions of cells interacting with each other everyday to keep you healthy.

• Be As Compassionate to Yourself As You Would Be to a Close Friend: Practice being kind and compassionate to yourself in the same way you would be to a close friend. Show particular kindness to the parts of your body that you don't like. For instance, if you don't like your abdomen, be kind to it by giving it a gentle massage with your favorite lotion after a shower.  In this way you can tend and befriend your body just the way it is right now.

How Mindfulness Can Help With Body Acceptance: If you want to overcome a negative body image, you can learn to use mindfulness to become more aware of how you're continuing to give yourself negative messages and learn to let go of these thoughts.

Mindfulness and Self Compassion Help With Body Acceptance

Mindfulness is a state of awareness you can use so you can become aware of the negative messages you give to yourself about your body. 

To begin your mindfulness practice:

• Get into a relaxed state in a private quiet place by slowing down your breathing (see my article: How to Practice Square Breathing).

• Become aware of the thoughts going through your mind and whenever you have a negative thought about your body (or anything else about yourself), imagine you're putting each negative thought on a cloud and watching it float away.

• Don't criticize yourself for having negative thoughts about your body.  Instead, be compassionate and gently let each thought go.

Body Acceptance is a Process

Body acceptance probably won't help overnight, but if you keep practicing mindfulness and self compassion, you can begin to let go of the negative messages you give yourself and learn to accept and appreciate your body as it is.

Body Acceptance is a Process

This article focused on women.  However, many men also suffer from body image problems and the tips offered in this article can be helpful to them too.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What is Sexual Self Awareness?

In her book, Taking Sexy Back - How to Own Your Sexuality & Create the Relationships You Want, psychotherapist and relationship expert Dr. Alexandra Solomon discusses relational self awareness and a component of relational self awareness, which is sexual self awareness (see my article: Why is Self Awareness So Important to You as an Individual and in Your Relationship?).

What is Sexual Self Awareness?

What is Relational Self Awareness?

According to Dr. Solomon, relational self awareness includes:

• Self Reflection
• Self Knowledge
• Sexual Awareness
• Self Expression
• Self Expansion

Relational self awareness involves a paradigm shift from focusing on finding the "right person" to focusing on yourself and becoming the "right person."

Instead of focusing outward, you focus inward in a curious and compassionate way, and by focusing on yourself you can create a healthy relationship with yourself.

In addition, you can discover your strengths, challenges and blind spots.

What is Sexual Self Awareness?

Sexual self awareness, which is the focus of this article, is an aspect of relational self awareness (see my article: Tips on Sexual Self Discovery).

What is Sexual Self Awareness?

Sexual self awareness is about getting curious about your thoughts, feelings and beliefs and how they affect your sexual relationship with yourself as well as with a partner.

Questions to Ask Yourself

The following questions can help you to develop sexual self awareness:

• What were you told (or not told) about sex when you were growing up?

• How were you told about sex and how did you feel about what you were told?

• What was the impact of these early messages on you as a child and now as an adult?

• Did you grow up in a sex positive or sex negative environment or was sex not even discussed?

• What early childhood experiences affect how you feel about sex as an adult?

• Do you feel you deserve sexual pleasure, including self pleasure and pleasure with a partner? Why or why not?

• Do you engage in internal negative self talk about your body? (see my article: Is a Negative Body Image Ruining Your Sex Life?).

• Do you feel uncomfortable with certain parts of your body to the point where you feel ashamed?

• Do you have a sense of disgust about how you smell (e.g., a healthy vaginal smell)?

• Are you uncomfortable touching your body so you avoid masturbation or avoid coming into direct contact with your genitals?

• If you give yourself negative messages, how does it affect your sexual relationship with yourself?

• Do you compare your body, including your genitals, to what you see in porn and in social media?

• Are you too ashamed or scared to get regular medical check-ups (e.g, seeing OB-GYN for annual exams)?

In terms of your own sexual pleasure, instead of only focusing on pleasing your partner or just going along with sex because you think your partner "needs it," focus on yourself and consider:

• Why are you having sex? 
• For pleasure? 
• For emotional connection? 
• For procreation? 
• Or for all of the above?
• Different aspects of the above at different times and with different people?

• What gets you sexually turned on?
• How comfortable do you feel about getting sexually turned on?
• What is your experience in your body of feeling turned on?
• What does it feel like emotionally?
• What does it feel like physically?
• What does it feel like mentally?

Take the Time to Reflect on Your Sexual Self Awareness

Developing sexual self awareness will help you to understand what motivates you to have sex, how you developed your thoughts, feelings and beliefs about sex and what gets you sexually aroused mentally, physically and emotionally.

Taking the time to reflect on these aspects of yourself can also help you to develop sexual self esteem.

What is Sexual Self Awareness?

The questions posed in this article can help you to have a healthy relationship with solo sex (masturbation) as well as partnered sex (see my article: Keeping an Erotic Journal For Sexual Self Discovery).

If you're in a relationship, you and your partner can each spend time working on these questions on your own. Then you can come together to share your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and experiences. This can bring you closer together and help you to appreciate the positive aspects of your sex life as well as the areas you both want to work on.

If you're not in a relationship, developing sexual self awareness can help you understand yourself.  And if you want to get into a relationship, you'll have a better understanding of what you want from a partner.

Getting Help in Sex Therapy

Many people didn't get the sex education they needed when they were growing up.

In addition, a lot of sex education is fear based in terms of learning only about the risk factors but not about the pleasurable aspects of sex.  This can create a sense of guilt and shame.

Sex therapy, which is a form of talk therapy, can help you to overcome shame and guilt as well as learn to develop a positive sexual awareness (see my article:  What is Sex Therapy?).

Individual adults and couples seek help in sex therapy for variety of issues (see my article: What Are Common Issues Discussed in Sex Therapy?).

There is no nudity, physical exams or sex during sex therapy sessions (see my article: What Are Common Misconceptions About Sex Therapy?).

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who is a sex therapist so you can have a more fulfilling sex life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I am a sex positive therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What is Vicarious Trauma?

Vicarious trauma, also known as secondary trauma, involves indirect exposure to trauma through listening to first-hand accounts from people who experienced traumatic events directly.  

Vicarious Trauma is Also Known as Secondary Trauma

Exposure to accounts of trauma that lead to vicarious trauma can involve trauma that is a one-time event, like shock trauma. 

Examples of shock trauma include getting robbed, feeling helpless and overwhelmed during a natural disaster, a car accident and so on.

Exposure to accounts of trauma can also occur due to accounts of ongoing trauma like complex trauma, which involves trauma experienced over time. 

Examples of complex trauma include childhood trauma involving abuse or neglect that occurred over a period of time.

In this article, I'll use the terms vicarious trauma and secondary trauma interchangeably.

Who is at Risk For Vicarious Trauma?

People in the helping professions, including psychotherapists, social workers, counselors, doctors, nurses, lawyers and other related professions are at risk for vicarious trauma.

In addition, anyone who has a close relationship with someone who experienced trauma, including a spouse, family member or close friend, can experience vicarious trauma.

When people in the helping professions or significant others are repeatedly exposed to accounts of trauma, they run the risk of experiencing burnout or compassion fatigue (see my article: Helping the Helpers to Overcome Compassion Fatigue).  

Many therapists and helping professionals experienced secondary trauma after the 9/11 World Trade Center attack in 2001.  Professionals, who worked with individuals and groups for many months helping them through their shock and grief, experienced secondary trauma. Many of them sought their own therapy and professional support groups to process their symptoms because they were going through the crisis at the same time as their clients.

Similarly, during the worst stage of COVID, therapists and other helping professionals experienced secondary trauma helping clients to process their fear, anxiety and dread at the same time that these mental health professionals were trying to cope with their own emotions.  To help these professionals, many professional organizations offered emotional support.

What Are the Symptoms of Vicarious Trauma?

Everyone's experience of vicarious trauma is different.  

Vicarious trauma can be especially difficult for people who have their own history of psychological trauma because it can trigger memories of personal traumatic experiences.

Some common symptoms of vicarious trauma include (but are not limited to):

• Grief,
• Anxiety
• Anger
• Irritability 
• A sense of unease/feeling unsafe
• Distraction
• Changes in mood
• Changes in sleep patterns
• Changes in appetitie
• Negativity
• Cynicism
• Despair
• Depression
• Loss of hope
• Increase in alcohol use or other substances
• Social isolation/avoidance of people
• Avoidance of tasks
• Difficulty separating work life from personal life (including an inability to stop thinking about clients' or other people's trauma)
• Physical symptoms such as headaches, rashes, heartburn and other physical issues

How Can Self Care Help to Reduce the Risk of Vicarious Trauma?

Self care practices to reduce the risk of vicarious trauma include:

• Eating nutritious meals

• Getting enough sleep

• Exercising, walking or taking yoga classes at an appropriate level

• Meditating

• Journaling

• Taking time off

• Spending time in nature

• Listening to music

• Spending quiet time to relax

• Spending time with loved ones who are emotionally supportive

• Developing internal resources and coping skills

• Spending time enjoying hobbies

• Other forms of relaxation 

How Can Professional Training and Supervision Help Reduce the Risk of Vicarious Trauma For Helping Professionals?

Therapists and other helping professionals who deal with psychological trauma need to develop the necessary clinical skills to treat traumatized individuals. If they don't have this training and supervision, they are working outside the scope of their expertise.

They also need to develop their own personal coping skills to reduce the risk of vicarious trauma.

Therapists who treat trauma also need individual supervision, especially if they're new to trauma treatment or they have a challenging case.

Group supervision is also helpful to provide clinical feedback as well as to get collegial support.

What Are the Benefits of Trauma Therapy For People Experiencing Vicarious Trauma?

Trauma therapy is crucial for anyone who experiencing vicarious trauma (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

The Benefits of Trauma Therapy

Trauma therapy includes experiential therapies that were specifically developed to help people to overcome trauma (see my article: Why Experiential Therapy is More Effective Than Regular Talk Therapy to Overcome Trauma).

Experiential trauma therapy includes the following modalities:

• EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

• Somatic Experiencing Therapy
  

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)

• Ego States Therapy/Parts Work
  

• Hypnotherapy (also known as Clinical Hypnosis)
  

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own with secondary trauma, you could benefit from seeking help from a skilled trauma therapist.

Trauma therapy can help you to overcome secondary trauma so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many clients to overcome trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Kinky Sex: What is Consensual Somnophilia?

Consensual somnophilia is a sexual interest in sex during sleep involving mutual consent (see my article: What is Enthusiastic Consent?).

Kinky Sex and Consensual Somnophilia

Consensual somnophilia can be a sexual fantasy that is sexually arousing and never gets enacted. Or, it can be actually engaging in consensual sex during sleep as either the person who initiates sex or the person who gets sexual attention while they're asleep.

What is the Connection Between Consensual Somnophilia and BDSM?

According to an October 12, 2021 Psychology Today article by Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a sex researcher and social psychologist, somnophilia can be related to BDSM.  

BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadism and Masochism (see my article: Are You Curious to Explore BDSM?).

When consensual somnophilia is linked to BDSM, it's related to kinky sex between sexual partners who want to engage in a consensual dominance-submission sexual dynamic (see my articles: What is Kinky Sex? and BDSM and Kink: What Are the Different Sub-Dom Roles?).

Since it's a consensual kink between sexual partners, unlike nonconsensual somnophilia, it does not involve abuse or harm. Also, it's important to note that nonconsensual somnophilia is not only abusive and harmful--it's illegal.

How is Consensual Somnophilia Different From Sleepy Sex?

An example of sleepy sex occurs when partners are relaxed and cuddling in bed on a Sunday morning and the cuddling turns sexual.  

This might involve any type of consensual sexual activity--sexual intercourse/penetrative sex, oral sex or any other sexual activity.

It's important to note: If your partner falls asleep during sleepy sex and you don't have consent to continue having sex, you must stop because now you're in nonconsensual territory which, as previously mentioned, is abusive, harmful and illegal.

Kinky Sex and Consensual Somnophilia

Consensual somnophilia does not involve sleepiness--it's actual sleep.  This is why consent by both people involved is so important because each person is consenting beforehand to have sex while they're asleep.

Usually consensual somnophilia involves sexual partners who already know each other well and trust one another. That means there's already an understanding of each person's sexual boundaries.

This type of consent is more of a blanket consent.  

For example, the receiving/submissive partner might say, "I really love when you initiate sex when I'm asleep. It makes me feel so sexually desirable. I trust you and give you permission to do it without having to ask me each time." 

Even with a blanket consent, there might be exceptions that the partners negotiate together. 

For instance, the partners might agree that if they had an argument before going to sleep or one or both of them is sick, these situations would be exceptions to the blanket consent.

Many people assume that consensual somnophilia in heterosexual relationships always involves a man in the dominant role who is initiating sex with a female partner who is in the submissive role. 

But this isn't always the case: Sometimes it involves a woman in the dominant role who can initiate sex with a sleeping male partner.  Or the partners can switch roles at various times.

The roles can also vary in LGBTQ relationships depending upon the preferences of the partners involved--just like it would with any kind or sex--kinky or conventional sex.

How to Talk to Your Partner About Consensual Somnophilia

If you have an interest in this kink, you can't just assume your partner will like it too.  

This is why it's so important to talk to your partner about it so you know if there is enthusiastic consent (see my articles: How to Talk to Your Partner About Sex - Part 1 and Part 2).

Talking to Your Partner About Sex

If you're the one who wants to try this kink, before you talk to your partner, think about what turns you on about it.  

For some people, who enjoy being in the dominant role, it's the idea of taking control during sex. For others, who like being in the submissive/receiving role, it's the feeling of being sexually desired by their partner.

If you and your partner are both into this kink, that's great and you can explore it.

But if your partner doesn't understand why you're interested in it, it's important for you to help them understand why it turns you on.

Talking to Your Partner About Sex

Sometimes after a reluctant partner understands why it's such a turn-on for you, they get turned on and become enthusiastic about it (or at least willing to try it).  

This can be especially true if it's an expansion of your sexual script (see my article: Understanding Your Sexual Script).

But if your partner isn't interested in consensual somnophilia, don't try to pressure them into doing it (see my article: How is Pressuring Your Partner Different From Consensual Sex?).

Instead of pressuring your partner, you need to graciously accept that this kink won't be part of what you do, but maybe your partner would be willing to talk about it as a sexual fantasy without actually engaging in this kink.  If not, find other pleasurably sexual activities that you can both enjoy.

Under all of these circumstances, communication is key to having a fulfilling sex life.

Getting Help in Sex Therapy

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy for individual adults or couples (see my article: What is Sex Therapy?).

Individuals and couples seek help in sex therapy for a variety of reasons (see my article: What Kind of Issues Are Discussed in Sex Therapy?).

There is no nudity, physical exams or sex during sex therapy sessions (see my article: What Are Common Misconceptions About Sex Therapy?).

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a skilled sex therapist.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I am a sex positive therapist who works with individual adults and people in relationships.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What is Consensual Exhibitionism?

In my last article, What is Consensual Voyeurism?, I defined this term and discussed the difference between consensual voyeurism and nonconsensual voyeurism.  

In the current article, I'm focusing on the other side of this dynamic, which is consensual exhibitionism.

Consensual Exhibitionism

What is Consensual Exhibitionism?

Consensual exhibitionism is defined as when a person displays themselves in a sexual manner to a consenting viewer or viewers.

Consensual Exhibitionism

As part of consensual exhibitionism, both the person who is being viewed and the one who is viewing get sexual pleasure.  The one who is viewing might see him or herself as a consensual voyeur (or not).

Someone who engages in consensual exhibitionism doesn't necessarily need an audience. For instance, some people enjoy looking at themselves in a sexual manner in a mirror or in a video. 

Another example of both consensual exhibitionism and consensual voyeurism occurs on social media, like Instagram, where social media posters include pictures and videos of themselves posing sexually.

Similarly, OnlyFans provides a place for sex workers and others to create content for consensual exhibitionism that would have them banned on other sites.

For many people consensual exhibitionism is a fetish they enjoy practicing with a partner (or partners) privately or at sex parties, sex clubs or other places where everyone gives consent.

Consensual Exhibitionism at a Sex Party

People often "switch" from being a consensual exhibitionist to a consensual voyeur because they're turned on by both.  Others prefer one or the other.

Nonconsensual exhibitionism is very different.  This involves nonconsensual behavior, like exposing genitals to unsuspecting strangers. This is an exhibitionistic disorder and it's mostly practiced by a small percentage of men. It's also illegal.

How to Practice Consensual Exhibitionism in an Ethical and Responsible Way

If you and your partner want to practice consensual exhibitionism, you can do it in an ethical and responsible way with everyone involved consenting beforehand as to what will take place:

• Allowing Your Partner to Watch You Masturbate: For people new to consensual exhibitionism, this can be a good way to start if both people feel comfortable with it.  As I mentioned in my previous article, many couples include watching each other masturbate as part of their sex script.

• Role-Playing: See my prior article for how to include consensual exhibitionism as part of a sexual role play with your partner.

Consensual Exhibitionism as Part of Sexual Role Play

• Cuckolding, Threesomes and Group Sex: See my prior article as well as my article Are You Curious About Exploring Cuckolding With Your Partner?

• Attending Play Parties and Sex Clubs: See my prior article

If You're New to Consensual Exhibitionism, Start Slowly

Just like trying out anything new sexually, make sure your partner is really into consensual exhibitionism and not just going along with your desire (see my article: What Are the Basic Rules of Sexual Consent).

Also, be aware that things don't always go well the first time when you're trying anything for the first time. It might go perfectly in your sexual fantasies, but when you're with a partner, there are other factors to consider, including initial awkwardness and other mishaps.

Before beginning anything new sexually, make sure you and your partner have discussed what you're both willing and unwilling to do and what the boundaries are.  Also, be prepared to stop if either of you feels uncomfortable.

Make sure there's time afterward--whether immediately afterward or at some other designated time--to talk about your individual experiences and whether it's something you want to do in the future.

In addition, prioritize sexual aftercare in whatever way is meaningful to you and your partner--including hugging, cuddling and whatever you both find soothing after sex.

Getting Help in Sex Therapy

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy where you focus on sexual issues (see my article: What is Sex Therapy?).

There is no physical exam, nudity or sex during a sex therapy session (see my article: What Are Common Misconceptions About Sex Therapy?).

Many individual adults and couples with sexual problems find sex therapy to be helpful for a variety of issues (see my article: What Are Common Issues Discussed in Sex Therapy?).

To have a more fulfilling sex life, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who is a sex therapist.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I am a sex positive therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.