Trauma Therapy: You Can't Change Your History But You Can Change Your Relationship to Your History So You Can Heal

This article was revised on September 15, 2026.

A common misconception about trauma recovery is that therapy won’t work because it cannot change the past. However, the true goal of a trauma therapist isn’t to alter your history, but to transform your relationship to it. By processing deep-seated memories safely, you can stop emotional triggers and unlock genuine, lasting mental health healing.

Change Your Relationship to Your Traumatic History

How Can You Change Your Relationship to Your History of Trauma?

While it's true that you can't go back in time to change your history, you can heal in trauma therapy to reduce or eliminate the impact of traumatic experiences.

Transforming Trauma Into Resilience: Current modalities of trauma therapy can help you to transform trauma into resilience by:

• Acknowledging Your Feelings: Acknowledging the pain instead of suppressing it. This means feeling the pain and completing the trauma healing cycle. It does not include toxic positivity, which is not a genuine response to trauma.

• Developing a Support System: Instead of remaining isolated, you can develop a support system with trusted loved ones or support groups.

• Finding Meaning and Purpose: When you discover activities that align with your values, participating in these activities can provide you with motivation and a direction for your life (see my article: Posttraumatic Growth: Developing a Greater Sense of Hope and Meaning in the Aftermath of Trauma).

• Developing Better Coping Skills: Trauma therapy includes helping clients to develop better coping skills to manage emotions before and after processing trauma.

What is Resilience?

Resilience is the capacity to recovery from stress and trauma rather than avoiding hardship (see my article: Developing Emotional Resilience).

Genuine resilience also means finding new hope and growth after trauma rather than pretending to yourself and others that the trauma made you "stronger" when this isn't how you really feel.

What Are the Different Types of Trauma Therapy?

Safe and effective types of trauma therapy include:

• EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

• Somatic Experiencing
  

•  IFS (Internal Family Systems/Parts Work)

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)

Get Help in Trauma Therapy

If you feel stuck due to your traumatic history, you're not alone.

A skilled trauma therapist can help you to process your traumatic history so you can live a more meaningful life.

About Josephine Ferraro, LCSW

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), IFS, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experiencing helping individual adults and couples to overcome trauma.

I offer a complimentary 15 minute phone call before setting up an appointment.

I see clients in person in my Greenwich Village, New York City (10011) office or online.

Contact Information:

• Website: Visit Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist to learn more about my practice.

• Email: Reach out confidentially via email at josephineferraro@iCloud.com.

• Phone: Call me directly at (917) 742-2624 during standard business hours.

 

What Lessons Can We Learn From the Greek Myth About Tantalus?

This article was updated on September 15, 2026. 

The ancient Greek myth of Tantalus serves as a profound psychological allegory, illustrating the agonizing nature of insatiable human craving, chronic dissatisfaction, and the devastating impact of generational trauma. Famously punished in the deep abyss of Tartarus for betraying the gods of Mount Olympus, the fallen king's story is the direct etymological origin of the word tantalize—the psychological torture of being chronically teased with a desire that remains forever just out of reach. 

Condemned to Tartarus: The ancient myth of Tantalus illustrates the agonizing psychological loop of chronic anticipation and insatiable desire.

Before descending into hubris, Tantalus was a favored demigod son of Zeus, even invited to dine among the deities. However, unchecked pride and severe arrogance led to his historic downfall through a series of escalating crimes against foundational morality.

The Crimes of Tantalus

• Stealing Immortality: He stole sacred nectar and ambrosia from Olympus to give to mortals, attempting to bypass human limitations.
• Betraying Divine Secrets: He weaponized his proximity to power by gossiping and exposing sacred knowledge to the mortal world.
• The Ultimate Relational Sin: To testing the gods' omniscience, Tantalus murdered his own son, Pelops, cooking him into a stew served at a divine banquet. The gods instantly recognized the horrific act, refusing the offering—except for a grieving Demeter, who absentmindedly consumed a portion.

Enraged, Zeus condemned Tantalus to eternal torment. He was forced to stand neck-deep in a pool of fresh water that receded into the earth whenever he bent to drink. Above his head hung branches laden with ripe fruit, which a violent wind blew out of reach the moment he stretched to grasp them. In variations of the tale, a massive stone hung precariously over him, trapping the king in a perpetual state of existential terror.

While the gods ultimately resurrected Pelops, Tantalus' actions cast a multi-generational curse upon his descendants, known as the House of Atreus—a legacy of bloodshed that directly shaped Agamemnon and the core narratives of Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey.

Three Moral Lessons from the Myth

1. The Peril of Hubris: Proximity to privilege does not exempt an individual from universal moral laws. When modern leaders believe their status shields them from accountability, it often triggers a catastrophic collapse.
2. The Torment of Insatiable Craving: Obsessive greed creates a self-perpetuating loop of psychological distress. Chasing external validation without internal gratitude guarantees permanent dissatisfaction.
3. The Sanctity of Boundaries: Violating foundational trust destroys the collective future. Tantalus shattered Xenia (the sacred law of hospitality) and child safety for a petty test, triggering a toxic chain reaction across his entire family system.

The Intersection of Mythology and Modern Psychology

Modern depth psychology and neuroscience frequently reference the myth of Tantalus to explain the complex mechanisms of the human mind:

1. The Hedonic Treadmill and Adaptation

The Concept: Humans rapidly adapt to positive shifts in their environment, quickly returning to a baseline level of happiness.
The Connection: Just as Tantalus reaches for retreating fruit, individuals often chase promotions, wealth, or status, believing they will bring permanent fulfillment. Once attained, the thrill instantly vanishes, forcing them to obsessively chase the next milestone (see my article: Why Chasing Happiness Doesn't Work).

2. The Dopaminergic System and the Psychology of Craving

The Concept: Neurobiology distinguishes between the neural pathways for "wanting" (craving/anticipation) and "liking" (satiation/pleasure).
The Connection: Tantalus embodies pure, unadulterated craving completely severed from the possibility of satisfaction. The brain becomes trapped in an agonizing loop of dopamine-driven anticipation without ever reaching a state of calm fulfillment.

3. Frustration-Aggression Theory

The Concept: Psychological distress and anger escalate exponentially when a highly anticipated reward is blocked immediately before completion.
The Connection: The precise torture of being "tantalized" relies on proximity. Clinical studies confirm that losing a reward at the final second triggers vastly higher levels of cortisol, stress, and rage than being entirely removed from the opportunity.

4. Intergenerational Trauma and the House of Atreus

The Concept: Unresolved trauma, toxic behavioral patterns, and emotional abuse within a family system are systematically passed down across generations (see my article: What is Intergenerational Trauma?).
The Connection: Tantalus’ horrific sacrifice of his child sparked a violent generational curse that plagued his descendants for decades. In modern psychotherapy, this narrative serves as a historical blueprint for how generational trauma perpetuates itself until a conscious individual steps forward to break the cycle and seek help in therapy.

About Josephine Ferraro, LCSW

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and advanced practitioner specializing in IFS, Somatic Experiencing, AEDP, EMDR, EFT Couples Therapy and I am a Certified Sex Therapist.

I provide depth-oriented, experiential therapy to help individual adults and couples move past internal blockages into authentic relational alignment.

To learn more about my clinical background, clinical philosophy, and healing approach, please visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

• Office Location: I see clients in-person at my Greenwich Village office (New York, NY 10011) as well as online via secure telehealth.

• Initial Contact: I provide a complimentary 15-minute introductory phone call prior to scheduling an initial appointment.

• Contact Information: You can reach me directly at (917) 742-2624 during standard business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

How Can Reading The Odyssey Foster Psychological Development? 

How Can the Hero's Journey Help You With Big Problems in Your Life? 

The Psychological Benefits of Reading Literature

The Power of Storytelling 

 

What is Complex Trauma?

While a single event, like a car accident or a natural disaster, can cause acute shock trauma, complex trauma refers to a severe psychological condition resulting from chronic, repetitive interpersonal wounds. 

Often rooted in childhood abuse, profound neglect, or ongoing domestic captivity, complex trauma occurs over an extended period, forcing the individual to develop survival adaptations that impact long-term mental health. As a trauma therapist in New York City, I see firsthand how understanding the multi-layered nature of Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) is the vital first step toward true clinical recovery and systemic healing.

What is Complex Trauma?

According to SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration), 1 in 7 children experience abuse or neglect.

What Are the Symptoms of Complex Trauma For Adults?

The symptoms of complex trauma can include any of the following:

• Feeling anxious
• Feeling depressed
• Experiencing flashbacks
• Experiencing nightmares
• Avoiding circumstances that remind you of the traumatic events (emotional avoidance)
• Having difficulty managing emotions
• Perceiving yourself in a distorted way
• Feeling worthless
• Avoiding or having difficulty with personal relationships
• Feeling disconnected from yourself or others (a form of dissociation)
• Having problems remembering parts of your childhood 
• Having difficulty providing a comprehensive narrative of your childhood memories, which can include fragmented memories.
• Experiencing sleep problems
• Experiencing sexual problems
• Experiencing medical problems, like Type 2 diabetes
• Feeling body aches, including migraines, stomach and digestive problems, arthritis
• Experiencing low energy or fatigue
• Misusing drugs, alcohol, tobacco, food
• Engaging in other compulsive or impulsive behavior, including compulsive gambling, sexual compulsivity, and other behaviors

Examples of Complex Trauma

Complex trauma usually begins in childhood.  These events are recurrent, overwhelming and longstanding, and they are usually perpetrated by other adults, like family members, family friends, neighbors, clergy, and so on.  These incidents often occur over a span of weeks, months or years.

Examples of complex trauma include:

• Physical abuse

• Emotional abuse

• Sexual abuse (see my article: Overcoming the Trauma of Sexual Abuse)

• Profound child emotional neglect (see my article: What is Childhood Emotional Neglect?)

• Abandonment

• Parentification (role reversal where child takes on the parental role)

• Medical abuse or trauma

• Torture or being held captive

• Living in a war zone or in an area with civil unrest

And so on.

Mind-Body Oriented Psychotherapy For Complex Trauma

The following mind-body oriented therapies are often effective to overcome complex trauma:

• EMDR Therapy which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (see my article: How EMDR Therapy Works: EMDR and the Brain)

• Somatic Experiencing Therapy (see my article: Trauma Therapy: The Therapeutic Benefits of Somatic Experiencing)

• AEDP, which stands for Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (see my articles: What is AEDP?  Part 1 and Part 2).

• Hypnotherapy, which is also known as Clinical Hypnosis (see my article: What is Clinical Hypnosis?)

• Parts Work Therapy: Ego States Therapy of Internal Family System (see my article: How Parts Work Can Be Empowering)

Get Help in Therapy

If you are experiencing complex trauma symptoms, you could benefit from working with a trauma therapist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Once you have worked through your unresolved trauma, you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Josephine Ferraro, LCSW

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, IFS, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I am a trauma therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

I provide a free 15 minute phone call before setting up an appointment.

I see clients in my office in Greenwich Village in New York City and online.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What Are the Pros and Cons of Rebound S£x After a Breakup?

This article was revised on September 14, 2026.

According to Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., social psychologist and sex researcher, there are pros and cons to having rebound sex after a breakup (see my article:  The Problem With Rebound Relationships).

What is Rebound Sex?

Rebound sex is sexual activity with someone new to get over a breakup.  The objective is to get over an ex by having sex with someone else.

Pros and Cons of Rebound Sex

This can involve hooking up for a one-night stand with someone you have no intention of seeing again. It can be with someone you start dating after you go through a relationship breakup. It might also involve having casual sex with one of your ex-partners.

According to Dr. Lehmiller, rebound sex is more likely to occur, on average, about a month after the breakup.  He describes rebound sex as being a short term coping strategy.  

He also indicates that rebound sex is much more likely to occur if you were the one who was left behind (i.e., your partner broke up with you).

What Are the Pros and Cons of Rebound Sex?

According to Dr. Lehmiller's article in Psychology Today, while there is nothing inherently right or wrong about rebound sex, there are pros and cons depending upon the circumstances and context which can make a big difference about whether it's a positive or negative experience for you.

Pros

• Under the right circumstances and in the right context, rebound sex can be a confidence booster.

• Similarly, rebound sex can, potentially, help you to move on from a breakup (if context and circumstances are right).

Cons

• If the context and circumstances aren't right for you, you might regret having rebound sex. For instance, if you were drunk or impaired by drugs, you might have regrets afterward.  This can lower your sense of self confidence.

• If you regret having rebound sex, you might find yourself missing your ex even more intensely than before (this isn't mentioned in the Psychology Today article, but it has been my clinical experience that when clients have regrets about rebound sex, they often long for their ex, who is known and familiar).

• If rebound sex involves feelings of revenge against an ex, you might be left with regrets and unresolved feelings.

Clinical Vignettes

The following brief clinical vignettes, which are composites of many different cases with all identifying information changed, are examples of the pros and cons of rebound sex:

Pros

    Alice

After Alice's boyfriend of three months broke up with her, she wanted to start dating again, but she wasn't emotionally available enough to even consider getting into a serious relationship.  So, when she met Bill at a bar about a month after her breakup, she could feel they were both sexually attracted to each other and she explained her situation to him. She was honest about only wanting to have casual sex with him. Bill responded by telling her that he was just out of a long term relationship and he wasn't looking for anything serious.  

Both of them were sober and in the right state of mind to make responsible sexual decisions. So, they went back to Alice's place and had a passionate night of sex.  By the next morning, Alice felt sexually desirable again in a way she had not felt in a long time. She also felt a boost to her self confidence. Bill told her that he felt great the next morning.  After that, they met a few more times to have casual sex, but they mutually decided not to continue seeing each other because, other than sex, they had very little in common.  They both dated other people and remained friendly whenever they ran into each other. They both felt the rebound sex they had with each other helped them to move on from their breakups.

Cons

    John

After John's wife, Beth, left him in their sixth year of marriage, John was in a state of despair.  He had no awareness that Beth was so unhappy that she would end their marriage, so it came as a shock to him. Two weeks after the breakup, John felt inconsolable.  Even before the breakup, he didn't know how to handle uncomfortable emotions, so he didn't feel equipped to handle the sadness and pain that came up for him. 

Not knowing what to do with his emotions, he turned to alcohol and got drunk every night for two weeks.  During that time, while he was in a drunken stupor, he called Nina, a woman he dated briefly before he got married and they spent the weekend together having sex. Nina was also Beth's former college roommate.  John wanted revenge against Beth so he secretly hoped that Nina, who had unresolved issues with Beth, would tell Beth about their weekend together as a way to get back at Beth. He wanted Beth to feel as much pain as he did when she left him.  But by the time he sobered up and he realized that Nina had feelings for him and she hoped they would get back together, he knew he had made a mistake because he didn't tell Nina that this was just rebound sex and he had no intention of getting back with her. He felt even worse when Beth called him and told him that Nina told her that she and John had sex. Beth told him she couldn't believe he would act out this way to hurt her. Then, he felt even worse and regretted having rebound sex.

Communicate Openly and Honestly With Rebound Sex Partners

As these two vignettes illustrate, it's important to be open and honest with your partner about what you want when you want rebound sex as illustrated in the vignette about Alice.

You want to make sure you and the other person are in agreement that you both only want casual sex and neither of you is looking for anything more, which was also illustrated in the vignette about Alice.

If you don't communicate honestly, there's the potential for misunderstandings and hurt feelings as illustrated in the vignette about John.

Don't have rebound sex to get revenge on your ex because everyone involved might get hurt, which was also illustrated in the vignette about John.

Getting Help in Therapy

There are times, especially after a breakup, when you might not know what you want.

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to explore your feelings and make choices that are right for you.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help with a licensed mental health professional so you can lead a more meaningful life.

Contact & Consultation Information

I see clients online throughout New York State and in person at my private office in Greenwich Village, New York, NY 10011.

I offer a free 15-minute introductory phone consultation before scheduling your initial appointment.

• Website: Visit Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist to learn more about my practice.

• Email: Reach out confidentially via email at josephineferraro@iCloud.com.

• Phone: Call me directly at (917) 742-2624 during standard business hours.

To Improve Intimacy in Your Relationship, Get Off the Sexual Staircase

This article was revised on September 14, 2026.

In their book, Desire - An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships, Lauren Fogel Mersey, PsyD and Jennifer A. Vencill, PhD., discuss the "Sexual Staircase" to describe the kind of routine, goal-oriented sex that people engage in when they're having sex with their partner (see my article: Understanding Your Sex Script).

What is the Sexual Staircase?

According to Mersey and Vencill, the Sexual Staircase, which is a metaphor, is how most people think sex is "supposed to be."

Improve Intimacy in Your Relationship

The Sexual Staircase is a list of hierarchical steps that usually start at the bottom of the staircase with foreplay and ends with sexual intercourse and orgasm.

Depending upon the couple, the sexual acts between foreplay and intercourse can include kissing, caressing, genital touch, oral sex, and so on.

For many people in long term relationships these steps don't deviate. They engage in the same steps in the same way most or all of the time.  

After a while, people in long term relationships often skip some of the steps as they prioritize a goal-oriented approach that always ends with penetrative sex and strives for orgasm.  

Having sex the same way all the time becomes boring after a while (see my article: What is Sexual Boredom in Long Term Relationships?).

What's the Problem With the Sexual Staircase?

If you and your partner enjoy doing the same thing, the same way all of the time and neither of you have a problem with it, then there's nothing wrong with the Sexual Staircase for you.

But many people find this approach to be too routine and unfulfilling.  The problem is that they think this is the way they're supposed to do it, so they just keep doing it the same way.

People who find the Sexual Staircase boring, sexually unfulfilling or not applicable to them often have the following problems with it:

• It's a heteronormative sex script that focuses on cisgender heterosexual men. For heterosexual men, sexual intercourse is one of the most reliable ways to have an orgasm, but this isn't the case for most women (see below).

• It assumes that most people want penis-in-vagina sex even though there are many people who don't want it or it doesn't work for them because of problems with dyspareunia (persistent or recurrent genital pain that occurs during penetrative sex) or erectile unpredictability (a persistent or recurrent problem with getting and maintaining an erect penis) or because they're not heterosexual (see below).

• Sexual intercourse is the least reliable way for most women to have orgasms because they need direct clitoral stimulation, which they often don't get from sexual intercourse or clitoral stimulation is skipped altogether (see my articles: Closing the Orgasm Gap - Part 1 and Part 2).

• The Sexual Staircase emphasizes goal-oriented, performative sex instead of focusing on sexual pleasure (see my article: What is Performative Sex and Why Is It a Problem?).

• In many long term relationships, the Sexual Staircase gets shorter and shorter over time so that there is little or no foreplay, which has a negative impact of women's sexual pleasure. The focus becomes getting sex over and done with it as quickly as possible because it's unsatisfying.

• In addition to problems with painful sex and erectile unpredictability, penetrative sex isn't always possible for a variety of reasons, including childbirth, certain disabilities, age-related physical limitations, surgery or other types of problems.

• When penetrative sex isn't possible (for whatever reason), many couples skip having sex altogether because penetrative sex is the only way they know how to have sex.  Over time, one or both of them become frustrated and dissatisfied.

• The heteronormativity of this model isn't useful for LGBTQ people, as previously mentioned. Many LGBTQ people assume that since they're not having penis-in-vagina sex, they're not having "real sex," which, of course, is false.  This often leads to feelings of shame, guilt and self consciousness about their sexual orientation.

The Wheel Model

The authors of Desire cite the Wheel Model, which was inspired by Robert T. Francoeur in his book, Becoming a Sexual Person (1991).

Picture a wheel that's divided into different sections with sexual activities represented in a non-hierarchical way.  

Rather than the linear, hierarchical model represented in the Sexual Staircase, in the Wheel Model none of the sexual activities has a higher priority over any of the others.  Other than sexual pleasure, there are no goals, which usually means less pressure for both people and more enjoyment.

In addition, with the Wheel Model, people can engage flexibly pick and choose what they like, in whatever order they like without being constrained to the rigid model of the Sexual Staircase.

The authors provide an example of what sexual activities might be included in the Wheel Model:

• Kissing
• Caressing
• Touching
• Massaging
• Using a sex toy
• Showering together
• Cuddling
• Oral sex
• Orgasm
• Penetrative sex
• Manual stimulation

And more.

The sexual activities included with the Wheel Model are only limited by your imagination.

But this is not to say that you and your partner should engage in the activities they write about or that you should stop having sexual intercourse if it's enjoyable to both of you.  You can do whatever you both enjoy.

The Wheel Model helps to dispel the myth that there's one right way to have sex or that everyone should have the same predetermined sex script.  

Making Changes to Your Sex Script

Once again, I want to reiterate that if you and your partner are happy with your sex script, you can continue using it without a problem.

But if you're stuck in a routine and you're getting tired of doing the same thing over and over again, consider how you can work towards making changes in your sex script (see my article: Changing Your Sex Script).

As Emily Nagoski, PhD., sex educator and author of the book, Come As You Are, says, "Pleasure is the measure."

This means "good sex" is what's pleasurable for both of you.

Getting Help in Sex Therapy

A skilled sex therapist can help you to overcome sexual problems.

Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy where the focus is on sex and relational problems getting in the way of sexual enjoyment (see my article: What is Sex Therapy?).

Individuals and couples seek help in sex therapy for a variety of reasons (see my article: What Are Common Issues Discussed in Sex Therapy?).

There is no nudity, physical exam or sex during sex therapy sessions (see my article: What Are Common Misconceptions About Sex Therapy?)

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help in sex therapy so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

Contact & Consultation Information

I see clients online throughout New York State and in person at my private office in Greenwich Village, New York, NY 10011.

I offer a free 15-minute introductory phone call before scheduling your initial appointment.

• Website: Visit Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist to learn more about my practice.

• Email: Reach out confidentially via email at josephineferraro@iCloud.com.

• Phone: Call me directly at (917) 742-2624 during standard business hours.