Getting Help in Therapy is a Sign of Strength--Not a Sign of Weakness

This article was updated as of September 16, 2026.

Getting help in therapy is a sign of personal strength.

Getting Help in Therapy is a Sign of Strength--Not Weakness

Seeking help is never a sign of weakness or defeat (see my article: Common Myths About Therapy: Going to Therapy Means You're "Weak").

Why Going to Therapy is a Sign of Personal Strength

When someone is ready to begin therapy, far from being a sign of weakness, going to therapy often requires courage to face difficult emotions, possibly confronting social or cultural stigma and making a commitment to change and personal strength.

A skilled psychotherapist can make the process more manageable by pacing the process to prevent emotional overwhelm.

Why is There a Stigma For Getting Help in Therapy?

Although it's more acceptable for people to get help in therapy these days, many people, who need help, are still afraid to seek help in therapy for a variety of reasons, including that they:

• Judge themselves harshly for needing help and feel ashamed.

• Believe they should just "get over" their problems.

• Believe they would be "self indulgent" or "too self centered" if they went to therapy.

• Believe only rich or famous people attend therapy.

• Think that only "crazy" people seek help in therapy

• Believe their problems are only in their imagination and not "real problems".

• Feel they don't deserve help.

• Believe that they must be "weak" if they need help.

• Believe they will have to remain in therapy for a long time to overcome their problems (see my article: Common Myths About Psychotherapy: Therapy Takes a Long Time).

• Worry about what their family and friends might think if they found out that they went to therapy.

• Believe the therapist will judge them.

• Don't know about Federal confidentiality laws, so they believe that their therapist might tell their employer or other people about what they discuss in therapy.

• Believe going to see a therapist means they're paying the therapist to be their "friend," which makes them feel ashamed because they believe a therapist couldn't actually care about them.

What Can You Do to Reduce Your Fear of Getting Help in Therapy?

To reduce your fear or concern, be aware:

• You're not alone.  There are skilled mental health professionals who can help undo your feelings of being alone.

• An experienced therapist has a lot of experience helping clients with similar problems to yours and she won't judge you for your problems.

• A licensed psychotherapist can't divulge your information under Federal law without your written consent--unless you're an active harm to yourself or others or you're engaging in child abuse (psychotherapists are mandated reporters and must report child abuse to the state).

• Seeking help in therapy doesn't mean you're "weak." On the contrary, it's a sign of courage and personal strength.

• Seeking help in therapy doesn't mean you're "crazy." Clients who are actively psychotic or delusional usually go to specialized programs--not to individual therapy--to get psychiatrically stabilized.

• Everyone needs help at some point in their lives and everyone is deserving of help.

• You can see a psychotherapist for an initial appointment to see if you feel comfortable with her and to obtain psychoeducation about that therapist works  and about therapy in general (see my article: Why It's Important for Psychotherapists to Provide Psychoeducation About How Therapy Works).

• You decide what your therapy goals are, so you're in charge of of therapy and you can go for as long as you want to go.

• Skilled psychotherapists are empathetic towards their clients' suffering.  You're not paying them to be your "friend."  You're paying them for their expertise and time.

Taking the First Step in Therapy: Making the Call

Most therapists offer a 10-15 minute phone call before setting up an appointment so you can ask basic questions.

I usually encourage new clients to think of the first appointment as a session to see if they feel comfortable with me, to ask more questions about how I work and to discuss other similar issues.

Rather than plunging into the depths of their problems, I encourage clients to discuss what they would like to get out of therapy in that first meeting. 

Of course, I'm open to hearing anything, but I find that speaking about their issues in a broad way, rather than diving into the details, helps clients to feel less emotionally vulnerable when we first meet.

After the first appointment, you can decide if you feel it's a good fit or at least good enough to have another appointment.

Get Help in Therapy

If you have been struggling on your own, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who has the experience and expertise you need.

Overcoming your problems can free you from your history so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Josephine Ferraro, LCSW

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and advanced practitioner specializing in IFS Parts Work, Somatic Experiencing, AEDP, EMDR, EFT Couples Therapy and Sex Therapy.

I provide depth-oriented, experiential therapy to help individual adults and couples move past internal blockages into authentic relational alignment.

To learn more about my clinical background, clinical philosophy, and healing approach, please visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

• Office Location: I see clients in-person at my Greenwich Village office (New York, NY 10011) as well as online via secure telehealth.

• Initial Contact: I provide a complimentary 15-minute introductory phone call prior to scheduling an initial appointment.

• Contact Information: You can reach me directly at (917) 742-2624 during standard business hours or josephineferraro@iCloud.com.

Also See My Articles:

Why Do People Go to Therapy?

How to Choose a Psychotherapist 

The Positive Ripple Effect

The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Therapy 

Fear of Change 

Are You Feeling Like a Failure Because You Can't "Fix" a Loved One?

This article was updated on September 16, 2026.

Feeling like a failure because you can't "fix" a loved one is a common, emotionally exhausting experience born from a fundamental misunderstanding of interpersonal boundaries. 

Watching an adult child, parent, sibling, or close friend engage in self sabotaging and destructive behavior triggers profound feelings of helplessness. Out of deep affection, you may mistakenly believe you have the power to control or alter their path. However, a loved one is not a broken object to be repaired, and confusing deep love with a duty to "cure" someone else will inevitably leave you emotionally, physically, and mentally depleted.

Internalizing the chaos: Attempting to fix a loved one's destructive behavior often leaves your own mental well-being fractured and depleted.

When you internalize a loved one's self-destructive path, several unconscious psychological mechanisms are often at play:

• The Savior Illusion: The false belief that if your love, effort, or pain is intense enough, it can override another adult's emotional trauma or behavioral choices.
• Internalizing the Chaos: Treating a loved one's personal struggles, setbacks, or structural failures as a direct reflection of your own worth, parenting, or efficacy.
• Control as a Coping Mechanism: Attempting to micromanage or "fix" their external environment as a desperate strategy to soothe your own internal discomfort with their suffering.

Shifting From Fixing to Emotional Support

To preserve your own mental health and establish a healthier relational dynamic, you must pivot from an intrusive "fixing" stance to an attuned "supportive" stance.

Here is how those two approaches differ in real-world communication:

• Offering Unsolicited Advice vs. Active Listening: "Fixing" sounds like criticizing their choices ("You are spending too much money and ignoring your bills"). True emotional support sounds like asking, "Do you want me to just listen right now, or are you looking for help brainstorming a solution?" (see my article: Improving Communication: Ask a Loved One: Do You Want to Be Helped, Heard or Hugged?).
• Shielding From Consequences vs. Enforcing Boundaries: "Fixing" involves sacrificing your own financial or emotional stability to absorb their fallout. Supporting involves focusing on your own well-being while remaining an attuned, separate anchor.
• Managing Their Life vs. Creating Safe Spaces: "Fixing" looks like making excuses to their employer or quietly paying off their debts. Supporting means stepping back from management and instead offering a safe, non-judgmental container where change is possible if they choose it.

Essential Reminders for Your Own Well-Being

• Separate Love From Rescue: You can deeply love and respect an individual without assuming the crushing, impossible burden of saving them from themselves.
• Recognize Your Radical Limits: You are not failing; you are simply hitting the natural, healthy boundary of what one human being is capable of doing for another.
• Grieve the Unrealistic Expectation: True healing requires letting go of the illusion of control. Allow yourself to mourn the idealized version of the relationship you wish you had, so you can accept the reality of the one that exists.

Clinical Vignettes

The following clinical vignette, which is a composite of many cases, illustrates the problem with trying to "fix" a loved one:

Tina and Her Adult Son, Mike:

Tina's only child, a 45 year old son, Mike, had a compulsive gambling problem. Although he earned over $100,000 a year, he had poor credit because he had many overdue bills, the bank was threatening to foreclose on his home and his wife was threatening to leave him.

Whenever Mike felt desperate, he called Tina and begged her to bail him out. In that moment, he would promise to get help for his gambling problem and also to pay her back. But as soon as he got the money from Tina, he gambled more (instead of paying off his gambling debts) and he got deeper into debt. 

He also never paid Tina back and she was depleting her and her husband's retirement savings. Her husband, Joe, told her to stop enabling Mike's behavior, but Tina wanted to help her son and she knew she would feel guilty if she didn't help him.

When Joe told Tina that he was angry that their retirement fund was getting depleted due to Mike's gambling problems, she understood that her efforts to "fix" her son's problems were having a devastating impact on her marriage and she sought help in therapy.

The work in therapy wasn't easy, but her therapist helped Tina to see the enmeshment with her son so she could switch from trying to "fix" him to being emotionally supportive (see my article: How to Stop Being Enmeshed With Your Family).

Tina was able to see that her behavior with her son had its roots in her dysfunctional family dynamic, especially her parents' codependent relationship. Whenever Tina's father was too hungover to go to work, her mother would call his manager and make excuses for his absences. Eventually, he was let go from his job and Tina's mother had to take two jobs to keep the family afloat.  

Several years after Tina's father lost his job, he was drinking more heavily than ever and he died due to an alcohol-related heart attack at the age of 40. After the father died, Tina's mother blamed herself for not being able to get her husband to stop drinking.

Tina wasn't aware of how she was affected by her parents' dynamic until she got into therapy and she realized she was trying, in vain, to rescue her 45 year old son--just like her mother tried, in vain, to rescue her father.

With a heavy heart, Tina refused to give Mike any more money the next time he came to her in desperation. At first, he pleaded with her and told her he would lose his home and his utilities would be turned off. 

This was especially difficult for Tina, but she realized that, in the long run, she couldn't try to "fix" his problem anymore because her efforts kept Mike from dealing with his gambling problem. She also didn't want to ruin her marriage.

When pleading didn't work, Mike became furious, cursed and threatened to cut her off. She responded by reminding him that he already owed her thousands of dollars. She also told him that she would be emotionally supportive of his getting help for his gambling problem.

Mike was too angry to respond to his mother and, after that talk, he disappeared from his parents' life for two years and he was unresponsive to their calls. Even though they knew they did what was best for Mike and for themselves, this estrangement was heartbreaking for Tina and Joe (see my article: Estrangement Between Parents and Adult Children).

In the meantime, Tina worked in therapy to deal with her own childhood trauma in therapy and the estrangement with her son.

A year later, when Mike contacted Tina and Joe again, he was in therapy, he was attending Gamblers Anonymous and he stopped gambling. He said his therapist was helping him to deal with the underlying issues related to his gambling. He told them that Tina's refusal to give him money was the best thing that ever happened to him because it forced him to confront his problems. 

As part of his making amends with his parents, Mike made a payment plan with them to pay back the money he owed them. They also worked together to develop a healthier family dynamic.

By that time, Tina and Joe's relationship had improved and they were looking forward to retirement in a few years.

Conclusion

It's very difficult to watch a loved one floundering without wanting to do something to help. 

The problem with trying to "fix" or rescue your loved one is that it's usually counterproductive and perpetuates your loved one's problem as well as your own.

Acknowledging and accepting that you can't "fix" anyone can help you to set boundaries so you can be emotionally supportive in a healthy way.

Get Help in Therapy

Trying to change a long-standing unhealthy pattern can be very difficult.

If you have tried on your own to change without success, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who has experience helping clients with these types of issues.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from an experienced therapist so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Josephine Ferraro, LCSW

Contact & Consultation Information

I see clients online throughout New York State and in person at my private office in Greenwich Village, New York, NY 10011.

I offer a free 15-minute introductory phone call before scheduling your initial appointment.

• Website: Visit Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist to learn more about my practice.

• Email: Reach out confidentially via email at josephineferraro@iCloud.com.

• Phone: Call me directly at (917) 742-2624 during standard business hours.

Also See My Articles:

Overcoming Codependency: Focus on Yourself First

Role Reversal in Mother-Daughter Relationships

Ambivalence and Codependence in Mother-Daughter Relationships 

Overcoming Shame in an Enmeshed Family 

Intergenerational Dynamics 

What Lessons Can We Learn From the Greek Myth About Tantalus?

This article was updated on September 15, 2026. 

The ancient Greek myth of Tantalus serves as a profound psychological allegory, illustrating the agonizing nature of insatiable human craving, chronic dissatisfaction, and the devastating impact of generational trauma. Famously punished in the deep abyss of Tartarus for betraying the gods of Mount Olympus, the fallen king's story is the direct etymological origin of the word tantalize—the psychological torture of being chronically teased with a desire that remains forever just out of reach. 

Condemned to Tartarus: The ancient myth of Tantalus illustrates the agonizing psychological loop of chronic anticipation and insatiable desire.

Before descending into hubris, Tantalus was a favored demigod son of Zeus, even invited to dine among the deities. However, unchecked pride and severe arrogance led to his historic downfall through a series of escalating crimes against foundational morality.

The Crimes of Tantalus

• Stealing Immortality: He stole sacred nectar and ambrosia from Olympus to give to mortals, attempting to bypass human limitations.
• Betraying Divine Secrets: He weaponized his proximity to power by gossiping and exposing sacred knowledge to the mortal world.
• The Ultimate Relational Sin: To testing the gods' omniscience, Tantalus murdered his own son, Pelops, cooking him into a stew served at a divine banquet. The gods instantly recognized the horrific act, refusing the offering—except for a grieving Demeter, who absentmindedly consumed a portion.

Enraged, Zeus condemned Tantalus to eternal torment. He was forced to stand neck-deep in a pool of fresh water that receded into the earth whenever he bent to drink. Above his head hung branches laden with ripe fruit, which a violent wind blew out of reach the moment he stretched to grasp them. In variations of the tale, a massive stone hung precariously over him, trapping the king in a perpetual state of existential terror.

While the gods ultimately resurrected Pelops, Tantalus' actions cast a multi-generational curse upon his descendants, known as the House of Atreus—a legacy of bloodshed that directly shaped Agamemnon and the core narratives of Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey.

Three Moral Lessons from the Myth

1. The Peril of Hubris: Proximity to privilege does not exempt an individual from universal moral laws. When modern leaders believe their status shields them from accountability, it often triggers a catastrophic collapse.
2. The Torment of Insatiable Craving: Obsessive greed creates a self-perpetuating loop of psychological distress. Chasing external validation without internal gratitude guarantees permanent dissatisfaction.
3. The Sanctity of Boundaries: Violating foundational trust destroys the collective future. Tantalus shattered Xenia (the sacred law of hospitality) and child safety for a petty test, triggering a toxic chain reaction across his entire family system.

The Intersection of Mythology and Modern Psychology

Modern depth psychology and neuroscience frequently reference the myth of Tantalus to explain the complex mechanisms of the human mind:

1. The Hedonic Treadmill and Adaptation

The Concept: Humans rapidly adapt to positive shifts in their environment, quickly returning to a baseline level of happiness.
The Connection: Just as Tantalus reaches for retreating fruit, individuals often chase promotions, wealth, or status, believing they will bring permanent fulfillment. Once attained, the thrill instantly vanishes, forcing them to obsessively chase the next milestone (see my article: Why Chasing Happiness Doesn't Work).

2. The Dopaminergic System and the Psychology of Craving

The Concept: Neurobiology distinguishes between the neural pathways for "wanting" (craving/anticipation) and "liking" (satiation/pleasure).
The Connection: Tantalus embodies pure, unadulterated craving completely severed from the possibility of satisfaction. The brain becomes trapped in an agonizing loop of dopamine-driven anticipation without ever reaching a state of calm fulfillment.

3. Frustration-Aggression Theory

The Concept: Psychological distress and anger escalate exponentially when a highly anticipated reward is blocked immediately before completion.
The Connection: The precise torture of being "tantalized" relies on proximity. Clinical studies confirm that losing a reward at the final second triggers vastly higher levels of cortisol, stress, and rage than being entirely removed from the opportunity.

4. Intergenerational Trauma and the House of Atreus

The Concept: Unresolved trauma, toxic behavioral patterns, and emotional abuse within a family system are systematically passed down across generations (see my article: What is Intergenerational Trauma?).
The Connection: Tantalus’ horrific sacrifice of his child sparked a violent generational curse that plagued his descendants for decades. In modern psychotherapy, this narrative serves as a historical blueprint for how generational trauma perpetuates itself until a conscious individual steps forward to break the cycle and seek help in therapy.

About Josephine Ferraro, LCSW

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and advanced practitioner specializing in IFS, Somatic Experiencing, AEDP, EMDR, EFT Couples Therapy and I am a Certified Sex Therapist.

I provide depth-oriented, experiential therapy to help individual adults and couples move past internal blockages into authentic relational alignment.

To learn more about my clinical background, clinical philosophy, and healing approach, please visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

• Office Location: I see clients in-person at my Greenwich Village office (New York, NY 10011) as well as online via secure telehealth.

• Initial Contact: I provide a complimentary 15-minute introductory phone call prior to scheduling an initial appointment.

• Contact Information: You can reach me directly at (917) 742-2624 during standard business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

How Can Reading The Odyssey Foster Psychological Development? 

How Can the Hero's Journey Help You With Big Problems in Your Life? 

The Psychological Benefits of Reading Literature

The Power of Storytelling