Boredom as a Secondary Emotion: Discovering the Underlying Emotions in Therapy

In my prior article, Understanding the Different Types of Boredom,  I discussed the different types of boredom and how being aware of the type of boredom you're experiencing can lead to your taking action to address your needs.  In this article, I'm focusing on boredom as a secondary emotion that masks deeper unconscious feelings.

Boredom as a Secondary Emotion: Discovering the Underlying Emotions in Therapy

Boredom as a Secondary Emotion
Regardless of the type of boredom someone might be experiencing, when a client comes to my private practice in New York City and tells me that he's bored, I know that boredom often masks other underlying emotions like anger, sadness or fear.

In other words, boredom can be used unconsciously to defend against feeling these other emotions that are more difficult for most people.

The Mind-Body Connection in Psychotherapy
Often, talking about boredom in therapy goes nowhere.  But using the concept of the mind-body connection in psychotherapy often leads to discovering unconscious feelings (see my article:  The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

Clinical Hypnosis, Somatic Experiencing and EMDR Therapy are three types of mind-body oriented treatment modalities that can help to discover the unconscious roots to emotional problems.

A Fictional Vignette to Discover the Unconscious Roots of Boredom
Let's take a look at a fictional vignette which illustrates how the mind-body connection works:

Sam
Sam started therapy because he felt bored and stuck in a rut at work, and he didn't know what to do about it (see my articles: Getting Out of a Rut - Part 1 and Getting Out of a Rut - Part 2).

Sam had been in therapy before, but he wanted to try something different, so he chose a psychotherapist who focused on the mind-body connection because he thought it would help him to go deeper than he had in his prior talk therapy.

As he described his boredom with his job, his psychotherapist explained that there are different kinds of boredom and it seemed that the particular type of boredom that he was experiencing was reactive boredom where he wanted to escape from his responsibilities, but he didn't know what to do.

In subsequent therapy sessions, his therapist spoke to Sam about boredom being a secondary emotion that often masks other unconscious feelings.

She also spoke to him about using a technique in clinical hypnosis called the affect bridge  to help him to get to the underlying emotions.  She explained that he would be in a relaxed state where she would help him to focus on the boredom, where he felt it in his body, and they would see what else came up in terms of underlying emotions and possible memories.

By the time Sam and his therapist spoke about the affect bridge as part of hypnosis, he already felt comfortable with her and the way she worked, so he agreed to try it.

His therapist started by helping Sam to get grounded and to relax.  Then, she asked him to notice where he sensed the boredom in body.  Sam thought for a few moments, and then he responded by saying he felt the boredom in his upper stomach.  He experienced it as agitation.

His therapist encouraged Sam to continue to feel into the boredom, including the agitation, in his upper stomach.  After a couple of minutes, Sam said that he was aware of a rising sense of anger.

A few minutes later, he remembered a conversation he had with his parents when he was in his early teens.  At the time, he was angry with them because they would often go out and leave him in charge of his three younger siblings.

He said that his anger made no difference to his parents, who continued to force him to babysit for his younger siblings even after Sam complained that he was missing out on social activities with his friends because he was often busy taking care of his siblings.

Suddenly, Sam realized that he had similar feelings towards his boss and his subordinates at work.  He never wanted to supervise employees, but his promotion, which included new responsibilities that he really liked, also included supervising three employees who were difficult.

Sam told his therapist that he often felt that he could be spending more time doing the parts of his job that he really liked if he didn't have to spend so much time "babysitting" for these subordinates, who were often late or didn't come to work.

Instead of spending more time on the projects that he enjoyed, he had to spend time having individual conferences with his subordinates and even more time writing them up.

Over time, Sam realized that, before he did the affect bridge work with his therapist, he was unaware of feeling angry and how his anger about his work connected to his earlier family experiences.

Although both situations felt similar to him, Sam realized that there was an important difference--whereas when he was a teenager he had no choice but to watch his siblings whenever his parents told him to, as an adult, he could speak to his boss about how unhappy he was with the supervisory aspects of his job.

Sam knew that he probably wouldn't have been able to get to the deeper feelings underneath his boredom as quickly if he and his therapist had not used a mind-body oriented approach.

Boredom as a Secondary Emotion: Discovering the Underlying Emotions in Therapy

A few weeks later, Sam met with his boss and asked him if they could restructure his job so he no longer had to supervise employees.  His boss listened attentively.  Then he told Sam that he was thinking of restructuring Sam's job because the company needed him to do more of the creative work.  He said he would reassign Sam's subordinates to two other supervisors.

In his therapy sessions Sam and his psychotherapist worked on the older issue related to his anger towards his parents using EMDR therapy, a therapy developed specifically for resolving traumatic experiences.

Conclusion
Boredom often masks unconscious feelings, such as anger, sadness and fear.

It's often difficult to get to the unconscious feelings that lie beneath boredom with talk therapy.  But using a mind-body oriented therapy, like clinical hypnosis, EMDR or Somatic Experiencing helps to get to the unconscious material so that it can be worked through.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you tend to experience boredom, you could benefit from thinking of boredom as being a secondary emotion that hides unconscious feelings (see my article: The Benefits of Psychotherapy).

An experienced psychotherapist, who uses a mind-body oriented approach in therapy, can help you to discover the unconscious feelings that are being masked by the boredom so you can get to the root of the problem and work through it in therapy (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I have helped many clients to discover the unconscious feelings that are at the root of their problems.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Understanding the Different Types of Boredom

Everyone feels bored at some point.  This article is primarily about people who feel bored most of the time and remain immersed in their boredom. Boredom can lead to either destructive or creative behavior.  It all depends on what you do with it. Unfortunately, many people react to boredom in a self destructively way (see my article: Coping With Addiction: Boredom as a Relapse Trigger ).  The word "boredom" is very broad.  When people say they're bored, they often mean different things, which is why it's important to understand that there are different types of boredom.

Understanding the Different Types of Boredom

Understanding the Different Types of Boredom

• Apathetic Boredom:  People who feel the type of boredom characterized primarily by apathy have a lack of positive or negative feelings that is usually associated with feelings of helplessness and, in some cases, depression.  This type of boredom can lead to self destructive behavior, like drinking excessive or using drugs, as a way to elevate their mood.
• Unpleasant Restless Boredom:  Unpleasant restlessness is usually associated with a negative kind of boredom where a person thinks about other things s/he might want in his or her life, like a new job, different activities, and so on.  If the restlessness leads to a search for new activities, it can be turned into something positive and productive.  But if the person just continues to ruminate about his or her boredom, then, at best, nothing will change and, at worse, it can lead to self destructive behavior.
• Reactive Boredom:  A person who is experiencing reactive boredom often wants to escape from or avoid his or her responsibilities.  There might be a significant level of restlessness and aggression involved as the person dwells on alternative scenarios.  Whether this leads to taking constructive action can make all the difference.
• Indifferent Boredom:  A person who experiences indifferent boredom usually appears calm and they are often withdrawn.  Many people who habitually abuse marijuana can fit into this category.
• Calibrating Boredom:  People who experience this type of boredom want to do something different, but they're not sure what to do.  They might have wandering thoughts about what they might want to do, but they usually don't take action.

In future articles, I'll discuss how boredom is often a secondary emotion that hides other emotions like anger and sadness.  I'll also discuss how boredom can lead to creativity.

Conclusion

Boredom is a broad term that can lead to either destructive or creative behavior.

There are at least five different types of boredom.

Once you become aware of what type of boredom you're experiencing, you can choose to take action to overcome your boredom.

Getting Help in Therapy

As I mentioned before, boredom can lead to self destructive behavior as people look for ways to elevate their mood, possibly through alcohol, drugs, compulsive gambling or other destructive mood altering behavior.

When people are immersed in boredom and they don't know how to overcome it, it can be helpful to seek assistance from a licensed mental health professional who has experience helping clients to delve deeper into their feelings to understand the root problems and how to overcome them.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples (see my article:  ).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Early Recovery: Focusing on the "People" Part of "People, Places and Things"

The decision to get sober is one of the biggest and most challenging decisions you can make in your life.  Once you've made this decision, you need to assess your life about how you're going to maintain your sobriety.  The concept of being aware of "people, places and things" in order not to relapse is an important one.  In this article, I'm focusing on the people part of "people, places and things" because it's often one of the hardest parts of recovery (see my articles: Early Recovery: You've Stopped Drinking. Now What? and The Myth of Having to "Hit Bottom" to Change).

Early Recovery: Focusing on the "People" of "People, Places and Things"

Reassessing Your Friendships in Light of Your Desire to Remain Sober

During early recovery, people usually take stock of their lives, including the people they hang out with when they drink--their drinking buddies.  When drinking buddies are only acquaintances at the local bar, as opposed to close friends, it's less of a challenge to refrain from seeing them in order to avoid the temptation to drink.

But when the people are close friends, it's a much more difficult situation and you might need to make some hard choices in order to stay sober.   

This doesn't necessarily mean that you need to give up your friends completely.  For instance, if you have close friends, who drink a lot, but who also like to engage in other activities, you could avoid meeting them at the bar and, instead, meet them at the movies.  

When you explain to your friends that you're giving up drinking, if they're good friends, it's more than likely they will encourage you to do what's best for you regardless of how they feel about drinking.

But when you have friends who might be in denial about how much they're drinking, they could perceive your sobriety as a threat because it forces them to look at their own drinking.  

As a result, they might minimize your problem in order to avoid dealing with their own drinking problem.  This doesn't mean that your friends don't care about you.  It usually means that they're afraid to look at themselves and it's easier for them to minimize your problem than to look at their own issues.

If close friends are encouraging you to join them for drinks after you've told them that you want to stop drinking, you need to make a decision about these friendships in light of your desire to stay sober.  

The same is true for friends who are only interested in going out drinking and who have no other interests.  If they're not willing to meet you for coffee or to do something else that doesn't involve alcohol, you will need to reassess these friendships because you will be putting your well-being at risk if you go along with them to bars.

Isolation Isn't the Answer:  Getting Sober Support in Self Help Meetings

You will need emotional support to maintain your sobriety, especially if you have to give up friends (see my articles: Overcoming Loneliness and Social Isolation and Changing Maladaptive Coping Strategies That Don't Work: Avoidance).

Many people who are trying to get sober isolate themselves in order to avoid alcohol.  This might work for a short time, but it's not the answer in the long run.  

Everyone needs emotional support, especially if you're taking on the challenge of staying sober.  Isolation only makes you feel lonely and it makes it that much more likely that you'll return to alcohol as your "old friend."

You can find sober support at Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) meetings.  Visiting several Alcoholics Anonymous meetings is a good way to find a meeting that feels right for you because every meeting is different.  

When you find a meeting that feels right for you, you can also obtain an interim sponsor, someone who volunteers him or herself in a beginners meeting to be a temporary sponsor until you find someone that you feel comfortable with, which could be your interim sponsor or it could be someone else.

Getting Help in Therapy

But what if you attend several A.A. meetings and you feel overwhelmed by these meetings? (see my article:  Early Recovery: What If 12 Step Meetings Are Too Overwhelming For You?).

Then, you would do well to consider individual psychotherapy with a psychotherapist who has experience working with people in recovery (see my article: The Benefits of Psychotherapy and How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

Even if you're attending A.A. meetings and you have a sponsor, it's a good idea to consider individual therapy to work on the underlying issues that contribute to your excessive drinking.  

A.A. meetings and sponsorship can be important components to recovery.  But if you don't eventually address in greater depth the underlying issues that trigger your drinking, you're more prone to relapse.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients who are in recovery to stay sober.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How Texting Could Ruin Your Relationship

In a prior article, I discussed the importance of unplugging from cellphones and other devices in order to have quality time in your relationship (see my article: Relationships: The Importance of Unplugging From Cellphones to Spend Quality Time Together).  In this article, I'm discussing how texting about important issues with your spouse or significant other could be ruining your relationship.

How Texting Could Be Ruining Your Relationship

There's no doubt that texting is a convenient way of communicating when you want to confirm a lunch date or tell someone that you're running late.  But I've seen too many instances in my private practice in New York City where individuals and couples get into trouble by texting about important discussions.

There have been countless times when an individual or a couple comes to see me and begins telling me about an argument with their significant other.  Over time, I've learned, even when people tell me that they were "talking" to their partner, to ask if they were talking in person, over the phone or texting.

Invariably, when there's been an argument, the answer is often that they were texting, and many misunderstandings occurred due to this form of communication.

I usually tell individuals and couples in my private practice to refrain from texting their significant other when the topic is important because there can be too many misunderstandings via text.

Problems With Texting About Important Discussions
If you've having problems communicating with your significant other in person, you will have many more problems if you're texting about serious issues for the following reasons:

• You Can't See Facial Expressions and Body Language With Texts:  So much of what we communicate is interpreted by more than just words.  Facial expression and body language are important components of communicating, and these components are missing from texts.  

• You Can't Read Tone in Texts:  Emojis are a poor substitute for tone.  You might text your significant other a message that you think sounds kind and tactful, but without tone your significant other might read a very different message because s/he is interpreting the message with a different tone.  Lack of tone in texts makes a big difference.

• You Don't Know Why There Are Delays in Responding to Texts:  Many people text during the day while they're at work.  They might be texting to their significant other about a serious issue and the two of them are arguing back and forth when suddenly one of them stops responding.  It might be that s/he had to go into a meeting or the boss stopped by to talk, but it also might be that s/he is angry about the last text.  How do you know what's happening?  You don't--until you hear back from him or her.  In the meantime, you might be fuming because you're interpreting the delay as angry silence.  Before you hear from your significant other again, you could spend the rest of the day being unnecessarily annoyed or worried.

Conclusion
It can be tempting to text when you're unable to talk in person or over the phone, but when it's an important issue, rein in your impulse text.  Wait until you can see your significant other in person so there will be fewer misunderstandings.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you and your spouse or significant other are having problems communicating, you could benefit from seeing a licensed mental health professional who can help you to overcome the obstacles to having a happy, fulfilling relationship.

Rather than continuing to struggle on your own, you could take the first step by contacting a licensed psychotherapist so that you can free yourself from your current struggles.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individuals and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Posttraumatic Growth: Developing a Greater Sense of Hope and Meaning in the Aftermath of Trauma

There is so much information now about psychological trauma and posttraumatic stress disorder that most people have at least some awareness of what it means to be traumatized.  

During the last several years, there has also been an increasing awareness of posttraumatic growth, which is the topic I'll be discussing in this article (see my article: Finding Meaning in Your Life After Trauma).

Posttraumatic Growth: Developing a Sense of Hope and Meaning in the Aftermath of Trauma

The Potential Positive Effects of Trauma

It might seem odd to say that trauma could have a positive effect on anyone, but many people who have traumatic experiences have grown from those experiences in ways they never would have thought possible before.

These positive changes in the aftermath of trauma have included:

• Developing a Sense of Hope and Meaning: When you ask people who have experienced psychological growth after a traumatic experience, they often say that the single most important factor that helped them to grow was eventually finding hope and meaning in their situation.  These people actively seek to find meaning in their situation to continue to heal emotionally and, possibly, to help others. The psychoanalyst and Holocaust survivor, Victor Frankl, is an example of someone who lived through very traumatic experiences.  Not only was he held in a concentration camp, but Frankl also lost his wife and family in the Holocaust.  After he left the concentration camp, he went on to develop Logotherapy.  He continues to be an inspiration to millions of people because of he found hope and meaning in his trauma (see my article: A Search For a Meaningful Life).

• Developing Increased Resilience:  After the initial stage of healing from a traumatic event, many people discover that they are more resilient.  Having survived a traumatic event helped them to realize that they can bounce back from very difficult circumstances (see my article: Resilience: Bouncing Back From Life's Challenges).

• Developing a Greater Sense of Confidence: Along with resilience, people who overcome trauma often develop a greater sense of self confidence when they look back at what they survived.  Knowing that they survived and found hope and meaning as a result of their trauma helps them to face other situations more confidently.

• Developing a Greater Appreciation For Loved Ones and For Life: As they are healing emotionally, many people who have experienced trauma develop a greater appreciation for their loved ones.  They also often develop an increased appreciation for life itself and making the most of life since they realize that life is short and time is precious.

• Developing Self Compassion and Compassion For Others:  Many people who have overcome traumatic events can look back and appreciate how hard it was to survive the traumatic event.  This helps them to feel increased self compassion and compassion for others who might be going through similar situations.

• Developing a Greater Sense of Purpose: Along with finding hope, meaning and a sense of motivation, people who survive trauma often want more from life.  They want to live a purposeful life aligned with their core values (see my article: Living Authentically Aligned With Your Values).  

• Creating Positive Changes For Others: Aside from developing a greater sense of purpose for themselves, some people who survive trauma go on to help others based on their experiences.  For instance, a mother who lost a child because of an accident with a drunk driver might become a leader in the community to advocate for a change in drunk driving laws.  She uses her experience to have a positive impact on others.

Getting Help in Therapy to Overcome Trauma
Overcome trauma is a process, which means that most people who eventually go on to experience posttraumatic growth start by grieving and working through their traumatic experiences (see my article: The Benefits of Psychotherapy).

It's important to work through trauma first, otherwise you might just be avoiding your uncomfortable feelings related to the trauma.

Along the way, while you're in therapy, you can begin to find hope and meaning in your experience, but it's important to go through the working through process first.

It's difficult to resolve trauma on your own.  A skilled trauma-informed psychotherapist can help you to heal (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

Rather than suffering on your own, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional who has experience with helping clients to overcome trauma.

About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who uses integrative psychotherapy (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

One of my specialties is helping clients to work through their traumatic history so they can lead more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How to Recommend Psychotherapy to a Friend

Recommending psychotherapy to a friend can be a sensitive issue.  While it's true that seeing a psychotherapist no longer has the same stigma that it used to have, especially in New York City, there are still many myths and misconceptions about therapy. There are still people who think that that going to therapy means you're "weak" or "crazy"  (see my articles: Common Myths About Psychotherapy: Going to Therapy Means You're "Weak", Common Myths About Psychotherapy: Therapy Takes a Long Time and Common Myths About Psychotherapy: Therapy is "All Talk and No Action."

How to Recommend Psychotherapy to a Friend

So, if you have a friend that you think could benefit from psychotherapy and you know your friend might be offended by the suggestion that s/he go to therapy, you need to proceed with sensitivity and tact and find the right time and way to approach your friend.

Suggestions For Emergency Situations
Take Action in an Emergency:
The suggestions that I'm offering below are for non-emergency situations.  If your friend is threatening to hurt him or herself or someone else, don't minimize your friend's threats.  You need to get your friend immediate help by either calling 911 or bringing your friend to a hospital emergency room.

Suggestions For Non-Emergency Situations

• Start By Listening and Finding Out What Your Friend Needs:  If your friend confides in you that s/he has been anxious or depressed and s/he's not suicidal or homicidal, you need to start by listening.  In some cases, your friend might just want emotional support.  S/he might just need you to listen.  You can let your friend know that you're available to listen and provide emotional support.  In other cases, your friend might need more than just emotional support.  S/he might need help from a licensed mental health professional.

• Normalize Your Friend's Problem (if possible): Sometimes people feel that there's something wrong with them because they have a particular problem.  It's often a relief to them to hear that you and many other people have struggled with the same type of problem.  It can help your friend to feel less ashamed.  So, to the extent that you can, try to normalize your friend's problem by telling him or her if you can relate to the problem.  If you've never experienced this type of problem, be as empathetic as possible to show your friend that you care.

• Ask Questions About What Your Friend Has Already Done to Resolve the Problem:  If your friend is open to therapy then there's no problem.  You're not going to risk alienating him or her with a recommendation that s/he attend psychotherapy.  The trickier situation is when a friend has misconceptions about psychotherapy and would be insulted if you suggested it.  In a situation where you think your friend would be offended by a suggestion to go to therapy, you could start by asking your friend what s/he has already tried to resolve the problem.  Very often, people with longstanding problems have tried many different things before they consider psychotherapy.  Someone who has tried many different ways to resolve a problem might be more open to considering psychotherapy.

• Talk About Your Experiences in Therapy:  After you listen to your friend describe his or her efforts to resolve the problem, you could talk about your experiences and how it helped you, if you feel comfortable doing this.  Knowing that a close friend was or is in therapy helps people to feel more comfortable with the idea of going to therapy themselves.

• Talk About the Benefits of Going to Therapy:  After you describe how therapy helped you, you could also talk about the benefits of going to therapy and address the misconceptions that your friend has (see my article: The Benefits of Psychotherapy).

• Help Your Friend With Suggestions About How to Get Started in Therapy:  If your friend is open to the idea of giving therapy a try, but s/he doesn't know where to start, you could tell him or her that a primary care doctor or health insurance can provide a referral.  Your friend can also find out from other friends if they would recommend a particular psychotherapist.  You can stress to your friend that s/he just needs to take it one step at a time.  The first step would be going to a consultation with a psychotherapist, which does not obligate your friend to continue.  The consultation would be an appointment with a therapist to talk about the problem in a broad way, ask questions, and to see if s/he feels comfortable with the therapist.  Your friend can also have consultations with a few psychotherapists before choosing one (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

• Be a Good Friend:  If your friend isn't open to considering psychotherapy at this point in time,  don't push it.  If you push it, your friend might be less likely to get help.  You can just let him or her know that you're available to continue the conversation at another time.  Your friend might need time to absorb the information that you've provided, so let him or her know that you're open to continue the dialogue.  Your role as a friend isn't to convince your friend to go to therapy.  Your role is to be a good friend who listens, provides emotional support and psychoeducation about psychotherapy to the best of your ability.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples (see my article: see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during regular business hours or email me.

Strategies For Making Major Changes in Your Life

Change is hard, especially when it's a major change.  This is why so many people make the same New Year's resolutions every year and why many give up a few weeks into the New Year.  When you want to make a major change, it helps to have strategies to help you through the change process (see my articles: Preparing Yourself Emotionally For Major Changes, Understanding the Difference Between "I Can't" and "I Won't" and Overcoming Obstacles to Making Changes in Your Life).

Strategies For Making Major Changes 

Strategies For Making Major Changes: Ask Yourself the Following Questions:

How Does This Change Fit in With My Core Values?

Ask yourself why this change is important to you and how it fits in with your core values.  This might seem obvious, but many people decide to make a major change without asking themselves this important question.

So, for instance, instead of deciding that you want to lose weight, ask yourself why you want to lose weight and how this fits in with your core values.  Rather than focusing on how many pounds you want to lose, ask yourself why this is important to you.  Is this part of a larger goal to improve your health?  How does this change fit in with the rest of your life?

When the change you want to make is part of your core values, the value of making that change is more apparent, and you will feel more motivated than if you have a narrower focus (see my article: Living Authentically Aligned With Your Values). 

Am I Willing to Deal With the Challenges in the Process of Making a Major Change?

Major changes usually involve long term goals that you make a commitment to achieve and maintain.  So,  you need to ask yourself if you're willing to be in it for the long haul.  That means not getting discouraged and quitting when things start to get tough.

Being able to tolerate a certain amount of discomfort is usually part of making a major change.  So, for instance, if your goal is to save money to buy an apartment because this is an important goal for you, you will probably have to rein in your spending.

That might mean being more disciplined about how you spend money, which will involve some self sacrifice.   Without being clear that saving money to buy a home for yourself is part of a larger goal of feeling secure, you're going to find it more challenging to give up things you want for immediate gratification in order to achieve your long term goal.

How Will I Handle Setbacks?

Setbacks are a part of life for everyone.  Even highly motivated people experience setbacks when they're in the process of making major changes.  If you know this in advance and you plan for it, you're less likely to give up when the going gets tough.

In the long run, it's not whether or not you have a setback but how you handle that setback.  Do you give up or do you bounce back and recommit to your goals?  So, for instance, if your goal is to live a healthier life and that includes losing weight, do you feel everything is lost when you deviate from your eating plan?

The best strategy is to have a plan for how you're going to handle the setbacks that will inevitably occur.  One way to do this, rather than giving up, is to acknowledge the setback, learn from it and then start again  (see my article: Resilience: Remembering Your Past Comebacks to Overcome a Current Setback).

Getting Help in Therapy

Many people, who start with great strategies, give up because of unconscious negative beliefs they have about themselves that convince them that they won't succeed no matter what they do.  These unconscious beliefs often get triggered during setbacks (see my article: Overcoming the Internal Critic).

If you continue to struggle to make major changes in your life even when you have great strategies, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who can help you to discover and overcome the unconscious negative beliefs  that are getting in your way (see my articles:  The Benefits of Psychotherapy and How to Choose a Psychotherapist.

Rather than giving up on the things you really want in your life, you owe it to yourself to work with a skilled psychotherapist who can help you to overcome the obstacles that are keeping you from having the life that you want and deserve. 

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients to overcome the obstacles that were keeping them stuck.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or Email me.