Overcoming Guilt with Mind-Body Psychotherapy

As a psychotherapist in New York City, I see many clients who come to therapy to overcome guilt.  

Guilty feelings can keep you feeling stuck and filled with shame.  

Overcoming Guilt

You might know logically that you have no objective reason to feel guilty but, often, that's not enough to help you overcome these feelings, which can be so debilitating.  

Feeling Like You're Not Lovable or Not Good Enough
Often, just behind the feelings of guilt, there are underlying distorted beliefs about yourself, like "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not lovable," which keep the guilt alive.  These distorted beliefs, not only affect how you feel about your past, but they also affect your life in the present.  

If you feel unlovable or unworthy, it often affects the choices that you make in your relationships, career, and other important aspects of your life.  You might choose to be with someone who is abusive because you feel so unworthy.  Feelings of low self worth can also keep you from striving to have what you want in your life.  If you have very low self worth, you might not even feel that you're entitled to want anything at all.

Regular talk therapy often doesn't help to overcome these distorted underlying beliefs that fuel the guilt.  Although you might gain insight into these beliefs, having the insight, by itself, usually doesn't change how you feel.  

You might know that the beliefs are distorted and they're a hindrance in your life but, on an emotional level, you still feel guilty.  This is one of the most frustrating parts of regular talk therapy because clients often don't understand why their thoughts and emotions are in conflict, so they ask themselves and their therapist, "If I know that there's no logical reason for me to feel guilty, why do I still feel guilty?"  

At that point, there's usually an impasse in therapy because there's no way to overcome the underlying distortions.  And, the client might leave therapy feeling inadequate for not being able to change.

I have nothing against talk therapy at all.  In fact, my original training is in psychoanalysis and psychodynamic psychotherapy.  I still use contemporary, dynamic talk therapy with many of my clients.  But, in certain cases, I know that talk therapy has its limitations.  

Mind-Body Psychotherapy
Especially in cases where a client has intractable guilt, I usually use a mind-body oriented psychotherapy, like EMDR, clinical hypnosis or Somatic Experiencing.  

Whereas talk therapy often remains on an intellectual level, mind-body oriented psychotherapy is usually more effective in resolving guilt and the underlying distorted beliefs on a visceral as well as an intellectual level.  Mind-body oriented psychotherapy allows clients to shift emotions on a deeper level.  

Aside from being more effective for overcoming guilt and trauma, mind-body oriented psychotherapy often works faster than talk therapy.  This doesn't mean that guilt and trauma are resolved in only a few sessions, but clients often see progress a lot faster than years of talk therapy.  

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients overcome guilt and trauma to lead more fulfilling lives.  

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

EMDR Self Help Book: Getting Past Your Past

Getting Past Your Past - by Francine Shapiro, Ph.D.
Francine Shapiro, Ph.D., the psychologist who developed EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), has a new book called Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy.  This is an excellent book for people who want to develop better coping skills (see my articles: What is EMDR? and EMDR: When Talk Therapy is not Enough).

EMDR Self Help Book: Getting Past Your Past

EMDR for Trauma and PTSD
As you might already know, Francine Shapiro developed EMDR in the mid-1980s for people suffering with PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder) and trauma.  

Since that time, EMDR has helped thousands of people all over the world to overcome trauma, including war veterans, people who have been raped or sexually abused, people who have been physically abused, and many other people who have been unable to overcome trauma in traditional talk therapy.

EMDR as Effective Treatment for Trauma
As a psychotherapist who uses EMDR with clients who have experienced trauma, I know how effective EMDR can be.  I especially like that Dr. Shapiro has written her new book, where she teaches coping skills, in an accessible way for the lay public.

When clients come to see me in my NYC psychotherapy practice, I teach clients many of these same EMDR coping strategies as part of the resourcing (i.e., developing coping skills) phase of EMDR treatment, so  I know how effective they are.

Learning EMDR Self Help Techniques
Now, with Dr. Shapiro's new self help book, people can learn to use some of these EMDR techniques on their own.  

Many of these EMDR techniques are also effective even if you're anxious or under a lot of stress and not suffering with trauma.  While using these self help techniques won't resolve trauma, they can help you to calm down and get through the day, which can be such a relief.

To find out more about EMDR, go to:  The EMDR Professional Organization.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have advanced training in EMDR and I have used EMDR successfully to help many clients overcome traumatic incidents in their lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Taking Control of Your Life

One of the most challenging problems to overcome is to feel that you have little or no control over your life.  Sometimes, there are circumstances (or aspects of circumstances) over which you  have little or no control. 

Taking Control of Your Life

Being very sick, dealing with the death of a loved one or your own impending death are examples where there's little or no control.  But, often, feeling powerless is a state of mind that is learned over time.  It's an attitude that can be overcome so that you can take back control and lead a more fulfilling life.

The following is a fictionalized vignette:

Mary:
Mary grew up in a home where her father dominated the family.  As a former Marine captain, her father was used to giving orders and having them obeyed.  Mary's mother was very passive and she went along with whatever her husband wanted without questioning it. Mary never grew up with a sense of what she wanted or even that she was entitled to want anything.

Mary chose a husband who was very much like her father.  He controlled every aspect of their lives, including their money and their social life.

Mary's husband was a successful business man, so Mary never felt worried about money.  Her husband didn't want her to work, so she stayed home, where there was little for her to do.  They had a full time housekeeper, so Mary often spent her days reading or watching TV.

They had no children because Mary's husband had little patience for children.  Whenever Mary saw a mother with her baby, she felt sad.  But she didn't know why she was feeling sad, and she quickly brushed these feelings aside.

Mary loved her husband, and she knew that he loved her.  But, every so often, she was aware that she felt empty inside.  Whenever she experienced this feeling coming over her, she felt ashamed and confused.  She couldn't understand why she felt this way since her husband provided her with everything she needed.  Sometimes, she felt that she was being selfish and ungrateful when these feelings came over her.

Then, one day, after 25 years of marriage, Mary's husband had a sudden heart attack in the office and he was rushed to the hospital.  Mary rushed to the hospital, but her husband was already dead when she got there.  Mary was stunned and she went through the next few months in a kind of stupor.

The family lawyer had power of attorney made most of the important decisions.  He assured Mary that her husband left her well provided for, and she didn't need to worry about money.  But Mary felt in a constant state of panic, feeling adrift and not knowing what to do with her life.  She spent her days wandering from one room to another in her house feeling sad and overwhelmed.

After several months, Mary's friend recommended that she get professional help to overcome her feelings of powerlessness.  This was a tough decision for Mary to make.  Normally, she would ask her husband what she should do, especially before taking such a big step.  But he wasn't around to ask any more, and Mary wasn't sure what to do.  She was pretty sure that her husband wouldn't approve of her going to therapy.  He would just tell her to "buck up" and that she had no reason to feel unhappy.

Not knowing what to do, Mary went along with her friend's advice and made a consultation with a psychotherapist.  She thought it couldn't hurt to go for one visit.  But a few days before the consultation, she almost cancelled her appointment.  She picked up the phone several times to dial, but she hung up again.  Finally, on the day of the appointment, after debating it back and forth in her head, she went.

This began Mary's road to taking back control of her life, which wasn't easy.  Over time, she realized that she had been feeling emotionally numb for most of her life, and she didn't even know it.  Making even small decisions was fraught with anxiety for Mary.  Before she could tackle any major decisions, she had to first become aware of her own feelings.

Mary's therapist, who practiced mind-body oriented psychotherapy helped Mary to first become aware of her own body because Mary's emotional numbness also included a physical numbness that Mary had never been aware of before.  

Over time, Mary began to be able to identify her emotions based on what she was feeling in her body.  She started feeling alive again in a way she never felt before. At times, experiencing her emotions felt somewhat overwhelming, but Mary's therapist taught her in therapy how to bring herself back into a state of emotional equilibrium early on in their work together.

Mary began to use the emotions she felt in her body to determine what she wanted and to start to make decisions for herself.  It wasn't easy, and she would sometimes feel she wasn't entitled to even want anything for herself.  But she was able to persevere because she liked having a sense of aliveness again, no matter what the feelings were.  To feel something was so much better than to feel nothing at all.

Over time, step by step, Mary overcame the learned helplessness that had been a part of most of her life.  Rather than dreading making decisions, she began to look forward to them as ways to take back control of her life.  

She felt sad for all the years she was emotionally adrift in her life.  But she mourned that loss, along with mourning for her husband, and began to look forward.  She learned that there were some things she couldn't control, but there were many other things in her life that she could control.  As she came emotionally alive again, she felt a renewed sense of self and new self confidence.

What Causes You to Feel You Have No Control Over Your Life?
Sometimes, people feel they have no control over their lives because they've been raised under similar circumstances to Mary, and it becomes a way of life for them to have other people tell them what to do.  Other times, a string of unfortunate circumstances creates self doubt and people feel like they're like a leaf in the wind being blown around.

Taking Control of Your Life Often Begins with One Step
Whatever the circumstances, you can learn to take control of your life.  Taking back control of your life often begins with taking one step.  That first step is often a decision that you want to feel a sense of control and to reclaim your life.

Getting Help in Therapy 
If you've tried to do this on your own and haven't succeeded, you could benefit from seeing a licensed mental health professional who has helped other clients to gain a sense of control of their lives.   

A skilled therapist can help you to feel a sense of agency in your life and, with it, a new sense of aliveness and well being.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with adult individuals and couples.  I have helped many clients to take back control of their lives and feel a new sense of aliveness and well being.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

For a related topic, you can read my article:  How Do We Balance Our Owns Needs With Being Responsive to Our Loved Ones?

Overcoming Lack of Intimacy - Movie: "Hope Springs"

How refreshing it was to see in the movie, "Hope Springs," two older people struggling with the very real and all too common problem in long-term marriages, lack of intimacy.  

These days most movies are geared for tweens and adolescents, so it was great, for a change, to see Meryl Streep (as Kay) and Tommy Lee Jones (as Arnold) portraying a realistic, older married couple in a stagnant marriage that lacks emotional and sexual intimacy.  

Steve Carrell (as Dr. Bernie Feld) plays a credible marriage counselor who provides intensive marriage counseling to address the couple's intimacy problems.

Lack of emotional and sexual intimacy is a common problem in long-term relationships.  Understandably, many couples feel too embarrassed to talk to each other, let alone with anyone else, about their lack of intimacy.

Overcoming Lack of Intimacy in Your Relationship

Often, when couples do come to marriage counseling to overcome intimacy problems, similar to the movie, "Hope Springs," one person in the couple wants to rekindle the relationship while the other would rather sweep their problems under the rug.

Usually, for the more reluctant person, the underlying problem is fear.  Fear of rejection, fear of allowing oneself to be vulnerable, fear of appearing ridiculous, and fear of being accused of being "needy" are among the many reasons why couples often avoid talking to each other about the lack of intimacy in their relationship.  Then, of course, there are all the stereotypes about older people not being sexual or attractive.  Too often older couples buy into these stereotypes about aging, which are perpetuated in the media and all around us.

When there is a lack of intimacy over a period of time, a relationship often becomes dull and unsatisfying.  It can lead to loneliness, resentment, depression, and anxiety as the problem festers, often for years, without either person bringing it up.

Lack of intimacy can erode your sense of self if you think your spouse no longer finds you attractive.  This is a common misperception, but it persists because neither person talks about it.  There is the assumption that if you and your spouse aren't intimate any more, it must be because you're not attractive to him or her.

Lack of intimacy can also lead to infidelity where a new person can appear to be more attractive and exciting.  The allure of an affair can also provide the illusion that the person who feels trapped in a stagnant marriage will feel more exciting and desirable with the new person.

Unfortunately, lack of intimacy, can lead to divorce for marriages that might otherwise have been salvaged in couples counseling.  Even when lack of intimacy doesn't lead to divorce, couples can waste precious years in a stultifying dynamic that could have been overcome if they were willing to seek professional help.

If you're in a marriage where lack of intimacy is eroding your relationship and your sense of self, you owe it to yourself and your spouse to seek professional help from a licensed mental health professional who works with couples.

I recommend "Hope Springs" as an entertaining and thought-provoking movie.

I welcome your thoughts about this movie as well as the topic of lack of intimacy in relationships.  Feel free to comment below.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.    
I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

The Creation of a "Holding Environment" in Psychotherapy

The concept of the therapeutic "holding environment" was developed in the mid-20th Century by the British psychoanalyst and pediatrician, Donald Winnicott, who was a member of the Independent Group of the British Object Relations school of thought in England. Winnicott is one of my favorite psychoanalysts and theorists because of his views about the therapeutic "holding environment."

Donald Winnicott and the "Holding Environment"
Winnicott came to psychoanalysis from a pediatric background, and his ideas were influenced by what he saw as the nurturing emotional environment that a loving mother provides to her child.  From a Winnicottian perspective, a loving mother holds her baby, both physically and emotionally, and she is attuned and attentive to the baby's needs.  Observing this, Winnicott extrapolated his ideas of how crucial it is that a psychotherapist develop a symbolic "holding environment" for psychotherapy clients.

Donald Winnicott, psychoanalyst and pediatrician, wrote books for children and adults

Most psychotherapists today would agree that the therapeutic "holding environment" is a crucial part of psychotherapy.  The "holding environment" in psychotherapy is often subtle.  To create a therapeutic "holding environment," the therapist must be compassionate and empathic to the client.  The "holding environment" starts with the therapist maintaining the therapeutic "frame" in the treatment which, in the most basic sense, means that the therapist is a reliable and consistent individual.

Playing and Reality by Donald Winnicott

By maintaining the treatment "frame," the therapist is consistently there.  She is clear about what is expected, and she maintains appropriate boundaries with the client.  Although these are basic things that most clients come to expect from a psychotherapist, for many clients who come from chaotic, dysfunctional families where parents might have been abusive and erratic, just this alone can be so healing.  For the client whose family was chaotic and dysfunctional, knowing that a skilled psychotherapist is reliable, consistent and trustworthy provides a safe place for the client to come to on a weekly basis.

A Therapist's Empathic Attunement to Clients:
Beyond maintaining the treatment "frame," the creation of a therapeutic "holding environment" also includes the therapist's empathic attunement to the client.   When a therapist is compassionate and empathic, on the most basic level, the client feels cared about by the therapist in a way that maintains appropriate boundaries between client and therapist.  This is crucial for any successful therapy.

For clients who come from families where they were abused, either physically or emotionally, it might take a while for them to be able to trust that their therapist cares about them.  After all, when you grow up in a family where you feel that your own parents don't care about you, it's hard to believe and trust that anyone else would care.  It often takes time for these clients to develop this trust in their therapists.  Most of the time, there's no substitute for time in these cases for the therapist and client to develop a therapeutic rapport.  Without a therapeutic rapport, it's hard to accomplish anything worthwhile in therapy.

For some clients, who were abused as children, being with a compassionate and empathic therapist allows them to feel safe and supported in the treatment.  They will feel, often for the first time, that someone is there who puts their needs first.  This can be a very healing experience.  This is also generally true for clients who grew up with narcissistic parents who neglected them emotionally, who were not willing or able to meet their children's emotional needs.

For clients who might not be sure how to choose a psychotherapist, I usually recommend that, beyond choosing any particular treatment modality, that clients focus on whether they feel a therapist provides an emotionally supportive environment.  This might be difficult to assess in the initial consultation when most clients feel anxious.  But, over time, most clients can discern if the therapist is emotionally attuned to them and whether it's a good therapeutic match.  I urge clients to trust their instincts about this and to continue their search for a therapist until they feel it's the right match.  

You can also read my article: "How to Choose a Therapist". 

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I also provide psychodynamic psychotherapy.  I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

photo credit: scatterkeir via photopin cc

photo credit: AJC1 via photopin cc

photo credit: AlicePopkorn via photopin cc

Mind-Body Oriented Psychotherapy: Healing Trauma Creatively

Trauma can create emotional scars that can last a life time.  For many people suffering with trauma that occurred years ago, the emotional effects can feel as strong now as they did when the trauma originally occurred. 

Mind-Body Psychotherapy: Healing Trauma with New Symbolic Memories

Often, talk therapy is of limited help to overcome trauma.  You can gain an intellectual understanding about the trauma, but talk therapy doesn't always heal the trauma.  This often causes psychotherapy clients to feel that there's something wrong with them because they're still feeling traumatized even after they've completed talk therapy. Some forms of mind-body oriented psychotherapy can heal trauma by helping the client to create a new symbolic memory.

Clinical hypnosis, Somatic Experiencing, and Psychomotor therapy are among the forms of mind-body psychotherapy that help clients to overcome trauma through the creation of new symbolic memories.   Each of these treatment modalities approaches the creation of new symbolic memories in a different way.

At first glance, the idea of creating a new symbolic memory might sound strange, and you might wonder how someone would go about doing this.  But, in reality, it's not strange at all. 

But, first, before I explain what new symbolic memories are, I want to stress that creating a new symbolic memory is in no way negating the original memory.

In other words, the purpose of creating a new symbolic memory is not a way of saying that the original memory never occurred.

Mind-Body Psychotherapy: Healing Trauma with New Symbolic Memories

When we work on creating a new symbolic memory, the purpose is to providing emotional healing.  

The client and the therapist are aware at all times of what originally occurred in the trauma. 

The new symbolic memory, which is created in collaboration between the therapist and the client, is a new embodied experience, which often includes imagining helpful allies (either real or imagined) and other helpful aspects that were not available in the original traumatic memory.

The following composite vignette, which is a combination of many different cases with all identifying information changed to protect confidentiality, illustrates how trauma can be healed through the creation of a new symbolic memory:

John:
John came to therapy because he never mourned the loss of his father, who died when John was 16 years old.  He loved his father very much and missed him, but he never allowed himself to grieve for his father, who died very unexpectedly.

Healing Trauma with New Symbolic Memories

John remembers coming home one afternoon, after hanging out with his friends, and finding his mother crying in the living room.  His mother told him that his father had a massive heart attack at work and he died immediately.  John was shocked.  He felt the tears welling up inside him, but before he could shed a tear, his mother said to him, "Now, John, you can't cry.  You're the man of the house now, and you need to be strong."

From that moment on, John felt the emotional burden that was placed on him, and he stopped himself from crying as he braced himself to be "the man" in his family.  He didn't want to disappoint his mother, and he felt he had to be "strong" for his younger brothers and sisters.

Years later, as an adult, John realized that his mother, although well meaning, had placed an unreasonable burden on him.  After all, he was only a boy at the time.  He also realized that not mourning had kept him in a kind of emotional limbo with regard to the loss of his father.  In the past, he attended talk therapy, hoping to finally release the feelings he had been holding onto for more than 20 years.  But, although he gained intellectual insight into what happened, he still couldn't allow himself to cry and mourn.

After taking a personal history and working on resource development (i.e., coping skills), John and I worked on his memory of the day his father died.  Using a combination of Somatic Experiencing and clinical hypnosis, we went back to the original memory.

  Memories

Throughout the process, John was in control at all times.  He said he felt alert and in a very relaxed state.  He was aware of what he felt in the  original memory as well as everything that was going on in the therapy room in the here-and-now.  This is called having a dual awareness (an awareness of the memory as well as the here-and-now), and this is essential for this type of work.

When we got to the part when John's mother told him that he shouldn't cry because he had to be "the man" in the family, I asked John who he would have liked to have with him at the time to help him.  I asked him to choose someone, either real or imagined, who could have helped him at that point to feel his feelings and to advocate for him with his mother.

John thought for a moment, and then he chose his Uncle Paul, his mother's brother.  He said his Uncle Paul was a very kind man and he had always felt close to his mother's brother.  He also knew that his mother admired her brother very much and he had a big influence on her.  So, when we went back to the part when his mother told John not to cry, John imagined what it would feel like to have his Uncle Paul standing next to him with his arm around him.

To make this experience as vivid as possible, we slowed down the process and I asked Paul to sense what it feels like to have Uncle Paul's arm around him on a physical and emotional level.  We took a few minutes to develop and amplify these physical and emotional feelings so Paul could experience fully the support he was getting from his uncle.

While John was sensing into this experience, he and I worked closely together to ensure that he felt safe and secure at all times.  He agreed to let me know if he became uncomfortable in any way.  I also observed his body language as well as his breathing, facial expression, changes in color, and other signs to ensure that he was comfortable in the experience.  I noticed that as he settled into the experience of his uncle being there for him, he looked more relaxed and he was breathing more easily.

When the therapist observes the client in this way, it's called "micro tracking" and this is an important part of the work.  The therapist must be attuned to what's happening with the client throughout the process.

Once John felt fully in the experience of being emotionally supported by his Uncle Paul, I asked him what he would like his uncle to say to his mother so that John would be allowed to feel his feelings.  John thought about this for a moment, and then said, "I'd like him to talk to her and tell her to let me cry--that it's normal, whether it's a teenage boy or anyone else, to cry when you lose your father.  He's he only one that my mother would listen to."

So, we went with that, and John imagined his Uncle Paul gently telling his mother that it's okay for John to cry.  John imagined Uncle Paul being gentle but firm about it.  Since John's mother admired and respected her brother, it was believable that she would listen to him.  John took a moment to feel this and he was able to tell me that he felt a great burden lifted from his shoulders and a tightness that was released from his chest.

Then, he told me that, in his mind's eye, he saw his mother back off and allow John to feel his feelings.  He felt like he was on the verge of crying, but something was holding him back.  I sensed that John might be concerned that his mother also needed someone to comfort her, but rather than suggest this to John, I asked him to sense into his body and ask himself what he thought might be holding him back.

I could tell, from watching him, that John was thinking about it rather than sensing into his body to find the answer.  So, I guided him to ask his body what was needed.  Now, this might sound strange, but it's no different than asking someone to use their intuition or to tap into their unconscious to sense what's needed.  The point is for the client to find the answer inside rather than just giving an answer that seems logical.  Certainly, logic has its place, but logic alone will often only get you so far, especially when dealing with trauma.

After a few minutes, John said he didn't feel he could allow himself to cry unless his mother was also being supported by someone.  So, I asked him who could be there for his mother.  He considered this for a few moments, and then he said his mother would be most comforted by her older sister.  So, we brought his maternal aunt into the scene, and he imagined his aunt sitting with his mother and comforting her.

Once John felt that his mother was being taken care of as well, and John had his uncle to comfort him, he allowed himself to cry in the session for the loss of his father.  This was the first time ever that John was able to cry.  All the emotion that had blocked inside of him came pouring out.  But rather than feeling overwhelmed, as he had always imagined he would feel if he allowed himself to cry, John said he felt a great sense of relief.  He felt secure and supported in the treatment room with me and he felt supported in the new symbolic memory by his Uncle Paul.

Afterwards, when we were talking about the experience, John said he could still feel his uncle's love and emotional support.  He knew that this new symbolic memory was not the original memory and that we were not saying we were in any way changing the original memory.  But he had a new, healing experience of that time.

In days and weeks that followed, we checked back in with the original memory.  I wanted to make sure that the work we did was more than just a one-time "feel good" experience and that John had actually internalized the new symbolic memory on an emotional as well as a visceral level.

Healing Trauma with New Symbolic Memories

John told me that the original memory no longer felt traumatic to him.  He felt loved and supported, as if he had actually gotten what he needed at the time.  He was also relieved to mourn his father.  From there, we worked on internalizing his father in other ways, including remembering all the good times he had with his father.  Prior to healing the trauma, John was too stuck emotionally to feel these positive experiences.

Getting Help in Therapy
As always, I want to emphasize that clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing are not "magic bullets."  Often, trauma can have many layers and it's not centralized in one memory.  Also, in order to do this work, the client must have the emotional resources to begin the trauma work.

In the example that I gave, for the sake of simplicity, I provided a vignette where the new symbolic experience worked in one session.  But this isn't always the case.  There can be many obstacles in doing this type of work that might need to be worked through.  This can take time.

Everyone is different, and there's no way to know in advance how a client will respond.  In the example that I gave, John was able to maintain dual awareness of the here-and-now as well as the memory.  If he was someone who became very dissociated during the experience, we might not able to work in this way or we might need to modify the work.

For some clients, who are naturally resilient and have strong internal resources, only a few sessions might be required for resource development prior to working on a new symbolic memory.  For other clients, who might have a long history of multiple traumas with little in the way of internal or external resources, it might take months of resource development.

It's also essential in this kind of work that the client and therapist have a good therapeutic rapport.  Clients with traumatic backgrounds often take a while to be able to build trust with a therapist, especially if they experienced serious breaches of trust or boundary violations as part of their personal history.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, Somatic Experiencing and EMDR therapist.  I have helped many clients to overcome trauma.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming Self Doubt That Keeps You Stuck

Self doubt can keep you stuck in your life for years.  You might have many hopes and dreams for yourself for what you want in your life but, if you let it, self doubt can keep you from ever making them come true.

Overcoming Self Doubt That Keeps You Stuck

There can be many reasons for self doubt, including, possibly, depressive or anxiety-related symptoms.  But often, people just can't figure out why they're so plagued with self doubt that they can't even take the first step.

Whatever the reasons, you might find that year after year goes by, you're still stuck and you're unable to overcome your self doubts.  What you desire for yourself remains only fantasies in your mind.  It can be even more frustrating to see other people that you know making progress with their goals, while you remain stuck.

Often, the hardest part is taking the first step.  If you can overcome your self doubt enough to take the first step, you could gain some confidence to take another step and then another, especially if you can keep yourself from worrying too much about the final outcome.

But the problem for many people is that, instead of focusing on the beginning, which is where they are, they try to project themselves to the end and get stuck there, before they've taken any steps.  Then, they begin worrying about how they'll ever be able to get to the end.

At that point, it becomes overwhelming and they give up before they've  even started.

Negative self thoughts or inner voice of negative prediction can keep you frozen in your tracks before you take the first step.  "Old tapes," possibly from a critical parent, might play over and over again in your mind, taunting you and predicting that you'll fail.  So, then you think:  Why bother?

These negative self thoughts, which often come in the middle of the night to keep you up, can feel so powerful--until you begin to challenge them in the light of day:  Is there any objective truth it?  Where's the proof?

Your negative self thoughts can be very persistent providing all kinds of pseudo "objective proof" where none really exists.  It's like the "Bogey man" or "ghost" you thought you saw in your room when you were a child.  When you turn the light on, there's nothing there.

These self doubts and the negative self thoughts that fuel them are often like that.  When you "turn on the light" of objective reasoning, there's nothing there of any substance.

One of the saddest things is for a person to look back at the end of her life and say, "I wish I would've..." (you fill in the blank).   Very often, she can see, with the advantage of hindsight and life experience, where she could have accomplished her dreams if she would have persisted and overcome her self doubts.  But, at that point, it's too late.

Getting Help in Therapy
If your own self doubts are keeping you from being or having what you want and you're unable to overcome these obstacles on your own, you owe it to yourself to seek the help of a licensed mental health professional.  Letting year after year go by, with your fears getting the best of you, is just wasting precious time you'll never get back.  

Overcoming Self Doubt That Keeps You Stuck:  Getting Help

A licensed mental health professional can help you to overcome the emotional obstacles so that you can lead a more satisfying life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I work with individual adults and couples.  I've helped many people to overcome emotional obstacles so they can lead more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.