Belittling Behavior in Relationships

Several years ago, I was at a dinner party with friends and I met a couple who were friends of the hostess. The husband was talking about his position as a senior executive and telling us about the impressive cases that he had worked on.  

We listened politely and then I asked his wife about her work. As she began telling us about her business, her husband chuckled and said, "Oh yeah, Mary has her 'little business' that she runs from home.  It keeps her busy and out of trouble" (see my article: How to Recognize Passive Aggressive Behavior in Relationships).

Mary looked mortified and she cut short her conversation, and soon afterwards she made an excuse to leave the party early.

Belittling Behavior in Relationships

A Pattern of Belittling Behavior
As a psychotherapist in New York City who works with individuals and couples, I hear about covert belittling from clients often.  

When confronted about belittling behavior, people often deny that they meant any harm.  It can take a while before the person who engages in this type of belittling can see that it's offensive and hurtful to the other person.  

This is assuming that the partner who is being belittled is able to speak up about it.  Unfortunately, too often, the partner who is being belittled has endured these put downs for a long time, and it can take a toll on his or her self esteem.

At another social event that I attended, I heard a wife making negative comments about her husband's inability to fix things around the house.  She made her comments in a teasing tone, and when her husband got embarrassed and asked her to stop, she said, "Oh, don't be so sensitive.  I was only teasing."  

Apparently, she was either unable or unwilling to see that her comments were hostile and showed contempt for her husband.  Instead, she accused him of being overly sensitive, which only humiliated him even more.

Underlying Issues in Relationships that Cause Belittling Behavior
There is no one-size-fits-all answer as to why couples do this to one another.  In my experience, like most passive aggressive behavior, it's often due to underlying issues in the relationship that the couple is not dealing with directly. 

Belittling Behavior in Relationships

When I see a couple where one or both of them engage in belittling, I help each of them to see the dynamic and work towards changing it.  Most of the time, if the person who engages in this type of belittling has some degree of empathy, s/he will come around and recognize that these comments are hostile and abusive.

At that point, we can explore a more tactful and respectful way of communicating.  We can also get to any underlying issues that might be causing these types of comments.  Usually, the person who engages is covert belittling recognizes that s/he is really angry about something else about the partner.  Or, s/he is feeling insecure about him or herself.

Belittling Behavior Disguised as "Teasing"
Belittling behavior, whether it's disguised as "teasing" or innocent remarks, has the potential to destroy a relationship.

If you or your partner recognize this pattern in your relationship, you and your partner could benefit from seeing an experienced couples counselor to help you both to learn to communicate in a healthier way.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist who works with individuals and couples.  I have helped many couples to improve the way they communicate so they could have a happier relationship.

I specialize in working with clinical hypnosis, EMDR, Somatic Experiencing and other mind-body oriented psychotherapy.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Do Your Friends See Red Flags About Your Partner that You Don't See?

One of the most challenging situations between friends is when your friends don't like your lover or vice versa.  At times, your friends might not like your lover because they see things about him or her that you don't see.  It can be a very disappointing and frustrating situation.  It can put a strain on your friendships and on your relationship.

Red Flags About Your Partner That You Don't See

The following example, which I'm providing with permission from a friend, with names changed and all identifying information changed, illustrates how friendships can be challenged in this type of situation:

John:
John and I have been close friends for more than 20 years. Several years ago, he began dating Ali.  Prior to dating Ali, John had been in a two year divorce battle with the woman who was his wife at the time, which left him emotionally depleted and disillusioned about relationships.

So when those of us who were close to him heard how enthusiastic he was about this new person he was dating, we were thrilled for him and looked forward to meeting Ali.  But all of that changed when we met Ali one night over dinner at John's apartment.   Within a few minutes of meeting us, she told me she "didn't believe in psychotherapy," she told our journalist friend that she didn't like his newspaper, and she kept calling another friend by the wrong name (even though our friend kept telling her the right name). Ali looked bored throughout the meal as if her participation was part of a court mandated community service penalty.

About an hour in, she told John she felt a headache coming on and she asked him to drive her home. Throughout the dinner, John sat there gushing over Ali, looking at us and saying, "Isn't she wonderful!"  We all nodded our heads politely, not knowing what to say.  He was so smitten with her that he didn't even notice how she behaved towards his friends.

It was an awkward situation, but I thought, "He's really crazy about her, and I guess if she treats him well and he's happy, that's what really matters." But no sooner did I have this thought when I heard Ali criticizing John, while he was telling us he'd be back shortly, for not being quick enough to get his car to drive her home. She barely said good night to us as she sailed out the door.

After they were gone, we were silent for a long minute.  Finally, Amy broke the silence, "This is a nightmare! What are we going to do? Should we say something to John?"  We decided to wait to see if he asked us for our opinions about Ali.  But when John returned, he was gushing about her. Knowing how unhappy he had been in his marriage and how enthusiastic he was about Ali, none of us had the heart, at that point in time, to say anything negative.

A few days later, I met John for lunch. It was just the two of us.  When he brought up Ali, he told me that he hadn't been this happy in a long time.  Prior to that, I considered talking to John, hoping to spare him the heartache that seemed like it would come inevitably.  But he didn't seem to want to hear it, so I hesitated.  Sensing my hesitation, he said, somewhat defensively, "I know she's rough around the edges, but I really care about her.  All I ask is that you get to know her and give her a chance."  His look made it clear that he didn't want to hear anything negative, so I kept quiet.

Over the next couple of months, I socialized with John and Ali a few more times with similar results.  Each time she showed very little interest in getting to know John's friends and she found some reason to end the night early, insisting that John leave too.  It was painful to see John being bossed around like this and his being so unaware of Ali's behavior.  But he had already made it clear to all of us that he didn't want to hear anything negative.  I reasoned that he is an adult who could make his own decisions. His other friends and I were all dismayed, but we respected the boundary he set.

Then, one day I got a late night call from John, who sounded very upset.  He asked if he could come over to talk.  When he arrived, he threw himself on my couch and began to cry.  He looked awful, as if he had already been doing a lot of crying. I waited for him to compose himself, and then he told me that Ali informed him via text message that she no longer wanted to see him. He couldn't believe she would end things this way. He never saw it coming.  Then, with a touch of resentment, he said, "You knew all along that she wasn't right for me, but I didn't want to hear it."

In the weeks that followed, John and I were able to talk about what happened. He told me that he knew I had his best interests at heart, and he wished he had been more open to hearing my feedback, as well as the feedback of his other friends.  He was hoping so much that this relationship would work out that he put blinders on.

John did eventually meet another woman and they're happy together.  But every once in a while, he talks about how he ignored all the obvious negative signs with Ai, and how he discouraged his friends from saying anything negative about her.

This is a common experience for many people. Fortunately, this situation didn't destroy longstanding friendships.  But many similar situations end badly for friendships.

Of course, friends aren't always right when they disapprove of your lover, but if if you have close friends that you know have your best interests at heart, isn't it worth it to take a moment to consider if they might be seeing things about your lover that you don't want to see? Especially at the beginning of a relationship, love be truly blind. It's easy to say, "They don't know him the way I do."  But very often, like John, you do know when something is amiss in your relationship, but you don't want to see it.

What is Your Responsibility to Your Friend if He or She is in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?
If you're the friend of someone who is with a lover who doesn't seem right for him or her, what is your responsibility towards your friend?  This can be a tough dilemma, and there's no one-size-fits-all answer. If your friend is in a physically abusive relationship, you should talk to him or her about it.  But in other situations, where your friend doesn't want to hear any criticism, sometimes all you can do is let him or her know you're there as a friend.  As in the case of John, your friend will probably come to you for support when the relationship falls apart.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, Somatic Experiencing, and EMDR therapist who works with individuals and couples.

I have helped many clients with relationship issues.

To find out more about me visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Transforming Nightmares Through Creative Dream Work

I've been rereading Stephen LaBerge's book, Lucid Dreaming because of my strong interest in dreams in general, and lucid dreams in particular.  

One of the recommendations he makes about dealing with nightmares is that, rather than avoiding them, to deal directly with nightmarish figures in dreams, which is a creative form of dreamwork to help overcome unconscious aspects that crop up in our dreams.

 

Transforming Nightmares Through Creative Dream Work

For most of us, our usual reaction to waking up from a nightmare is to be glad we've awoken and want to immediately avoid thinking about it. But I agree with Dr. LaBerge that avoiding the unpleasant aspects of dreams and thinking we're now off the hook is, as he states, a little like a prisoner who digs his way out of his prison cell only to find that he's in the cell next door.  You haven't escaped. You've merely exchanged one cell for another, and whatever unresolved issues you might be having remain unconscious for potentially more nightmares.

Lucid Dream Work with Nightmares While Asleep

Dr. LaBerge has recommendations in his book on how to do dream work with nightmares while in a lucid state in the dream as well as strategies for dealing with nightmarish figures while awake.  The main focus of the book is how to achieve lucidity in dreams while asleep, which can be a very exciting and useful state to achieve.  But learning to transform nightmarish figures after the dream by having a "dialogue" with them can also be a creative solution to overcoming nightmares.

Dr. LaBerge recommends that, even in a waking state, we can use our imagination to create this dialogue with the figure from the nightmare by asking this figure who s/he is and what message he or she might have for you.  This can be done with paper and pen (or on computer).  In order to do this, we must suspend disbelief while we're doing this exercise and not worry about looking silly.  Anyway, you're likely to be doing this on your own, so why worry about what other people might think?  You'd be doing this to overcome an unpleasant experience so it doesn't continue to recur.

Dream Work and Hypnotherapy

This same type of dream work can also be done with a skilled hypnotherapist who works with dreams and who can help you to get back into the dream state to do the work. It often feels safer to do dreamwork with a trained therapist, especially for recurring dreams, rather than trying to do it on your own.  It all depends on how comfortable you are doing the work.

Lucid Dreams

In any case, I recommend the book, "Lucid Dreaming" by Dr. Stephen LaBerge, which can be obtained in either paperback or as an e-book.  The advantage of the paperback is that you get a CD with helpful suggestions.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR clinician, and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I work with individual adults and couples.  I have also helped many clients to find creative solutions to their problems.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, please call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

You can also read my article about Dream Incubation.

Relationships: Is There Room in Your Relationship for Your Feelings?

As a psychotherapist in New York City, who sees both individuals and couples, one of the most common problems that clients bring to therapy is that they feel there isn't room in their relationships for them to express their feelings.

There can be many reasons why this problem occurs.  Often, it goes beyond a problem with communication, although this is usually a factor.  The more challenging factor is that there has usually been a dynamic in the relationship where one person, who tends to be the more dominant person in the relationship, has more control over the emotional tenor, how the couple spends time, financial decisions, and other aspects of the relationship.  In other words, there's a power differential between them.

When I see individuals or couples where this is a problem, the person who is less dominant in the relationship often complains that whenever s/he tries to talk about unpleasant feelings, like feeling ignored or unmet emotional needs, the partner either refuses to hear it or minimizes the feelings.  For the person who feels unheard, over time, this often causes hurt, anger and resentment. If the dynamic persists, it can erode the relationship.

The following vignette, which is a composite of many different cases with all identifying information changed, illustrates this relationship dynamic:

Dan and Sue:
Dan and Sue, both in their late 30s, were married for 10 years.  They had two sons (6 and 7).  They got married while Dan was in law school.  In the early years, Sue worked as an office manager while Dan completed law school.  They were very in love and had common values.

The main problem that brought them into marriage counseling, from Sue's point of view, was that she felt Dan wasn't open to hearing her talk about her unmet emotional needs.

Relationships:  Is There Room in Your Relationship for Your Feelings?

She felt he tended to shut her down or, if she persisted in trying to talk to him, he would get angry and they would argue.  Lately, these arguments were becoming more frequent, and they were starting to erode the relationship.  From Dan's point of view, Sue was making unreasonable emotional demands on him.  When he got home from his stressful job, he didn't want to have these discussions.  He didn't want to be confronted by Sue's emotional demands.  Sue countered that, even when she tried to find a better time to talk, Dan was still dismissive of her feelings.

As they talked about their relationship, it became apparent that this dynamic began early on.  In the beginning, when Dan was in law school, he had a lot of time constraints. Sue learned to be emotionally accommodating, keeping most of her concerns to herself.  She thought this dynamic would change once Dan completed law school and became an attorney.  But once he became an attorney in a top law firm, he had to work very long hours.  When he got home, he was exhausted.  He often spent most evenings and weekends working, leaving Sue feeling  lonely. Whenever she tried to talk to Dan about it, he got angry and felt unappreciated. From his point of view, he was doing all of this for them.

By the time they had their two sons, Sue felt even more lonely.  Dan relied on Sue to make most of the decisions about the children.  He spent time with their sons, but there seemed to be less and less time for Dan and Sue as a couple.  Over time, Sue began to wonder if she would be happier with someone else.  Lately, one of her male colleagues began flirting with her.  Sue was flattered, and she began fantasizing about what it might be like to have an affair with this man.  When she realized that she was having these fantasies more often, she became concerned.  At that point, she told Dan that she thought their marriage was in serious trouble, and if they couldn't work out these problems, they should consider divorce.

When Sue discussed how the male colleague's attention made her realize that she could, possibly, leave her marriage for a more satisfying relationship (although not with her colleague), Dan was shocked.  He has to reassess how preoccupied he was with work and his unwilingness to listen to Sue's concerns.  He didn't want to lose his marriage and his family.

Over time, in marriage counseling, Dan and Sue learned how to prioritize their relationship. It wasn't quick or easy. They learned how to be more empathic towards each other's emotional needs.  Dan no longer dismissed Sue's feelings.  Sue learned how and when Dan would be more receptive to hearing her.  Dan became more emotionally attuned towards his own feelings, which he realized he was ignoring.  Overall, they developed a more satisfying relationship and they enjoyed children more because they were happier with each other.

The case example above presents one possible dynamic, but there are many variations on this theme.  Men often come in complaining about women who are not emotionally attuned to their needs.  Gay and lesbian individuals and couples come in with similar issues.  This type of problem isn't about gender or sexual orientation.  It's a common problem for many couples.  It's also often a dynamic that can be changed in couples or marriage counseling, especially if he couples come in sooner rather than later and if both people are motivated to make changes.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you're in a relationship where one or both of you feel your emotional needs aren't being met and there's no room to discuss this between you, you owe it to yourself and your partner to seek professional help from a licensed therapist who has expertise in this area. It's possible to have a more emotionally satisfying relationship with the right help.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist who sees individuals and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist
.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me

Coping With Complicated Grief and Unresolved Mourning

Complicated grief and unresolved mourning often occurs when there is a delay in the mourning process. If unresolved mourning persists, over time, it can result in major depression, anxiety or posttraumatic disorder (PTSD). Complicated grief can occur for many reasons.

Coping With Complicated Grief and Unresolved Mourning

The vignette below, which I'm providing with permission from a friend (changing her name to protect her privacy) illustrates how unresolved mourning can lead to further emotional complications over time:

Mary:
When Mary was nine years old, her father died from a sudden heart attack.  Due to the suddenness of her father's death, Mary's mother went into shock and she was physically and emotionally unavailable for Mary.  Mary, who was very close to her father was left to deal with her own overwhelming grief on her own.  Most of the family was focused on helping Mary's mother through the emotional ordeal.

Coping With Complicated Grief and Unresolved Mourning

To complicate matters, Mary, who was a quiet girl, appeared to be handling the loss relatively well.  What the family didn't understand was that Mary was emotionally dissociated because her father's death was too overwhelming for her.  What appeared to be Mary's calm demeanor was, in fact, a dissociation.  Since she had no one to comfort her, Mary retreated into herself emotionally, and no one could see what was happening to her.

Over the years, Mary had frequent dreams where her father would appear to her and tell her that he wasn't dead.  These recurring dreams usually took a familiar form where Mary would turn around and then when she turned back, her father was gone.  She continued to have these dreams throughout her adulthood. The result was that Mary's internal experience of her father went into a netherworld where she felt she was continually waiting to wake up and discover that her father's death was all a dream.

Over the years, Mary's internal experience of her father became as shadowy and ghost-like as her dreams.  At times, even though she knew rationally that he had lived and she had wonderful memories of their times together, a part of her felt felt like he had never existed.  This was a very confusing experience, and it made her feel like she was losing her mind.

After many failed attempts to have romantic relationships with men, she decided to see a psychotherapist to try to understand her experiences.

It was at that point that she learned that she had PTSD stemming from her complicated grief and unresolved mourning.  As she began to integrate her experiences related to father's death, she was able to finally mourn her loss. She also integrated her memories, both positive and negative, so that her experience of her father coalesced, rather than being stuck in a dissociated netherworld.

Prior to going to therapy, Mary feared dealing with her unresolved grief.  She feared that she would be overwhelmed with sorrow.


But once she began therapy, she realized that dealing with her grief, although sad, was a healing experience.  It also helped her to be able to sustain a romantic relationship with the man she eventually  married.  She was no longer afraid to open herself up to a loving relationship.

Getting Help in Therapy:
As a psychotherapist in NYC, I have helped many clients to overcome the effects of complicated grief and unresolved mourning.

If you are someone who is having difficulty mourning the loss of a loved one, you owe to yourself and those who are close to you to get help.

Getting Help in Therapy

Mourning isn't easy, but living with the constant  pain of loss that feels like it will never end, usually leads to even deeper emotional pain.

Healing is possible with an experienced psychotherapist who has expertise in complicated grief and unresolved mourning.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist who works with individual adults and couples.

I work dynamically with clients in a supportive environment.  I am also certified in mind-body oriented psychotherapy, which includes clinical hypnosis,  Somatic Experiencing, and EMDR.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up  consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Is Envy Ruining the Quality of Your Life?

Unrelenting envy can be a self destructive force that can ruin the quality of your life if you allow it.  

It doesn't help that we're constantly being bombarded by messages in the media that we should be thinner, happier, younger looking, and more attractive, and if we're not, somehow, it's our own fault. 

All these messages can create an environment where we're constantly comparing ourselves to others who seem to have the qualities that we want and don't have.  It can lead us to a state of feeling that we don't measure up, leaving us to feel envious of others.

Successful Advertising Often Results in Our Feeling Dissatisfied

Successful advertising often results in our feeling dissatisfied with ourselves and wanting to have what we perceive others have which, in turn, leads to our going out and purchasing products or services in a never ending quest to have what we want.

Is Envy Ruining the Quality of Your Life?

Of course, advertising is not always the culprit that creates dissatisfaction in ourselves and envy of others.  In many instances, persistent messages , whether they were  explicit or implicit, from our families when we were growing up were that we  weren't good enough.  So, advertising and other forms of media often reinforce our own longstanding emotional insecurities.    

Envy:  It's Not About the Other Person--Its About You

The important thing to realize, when you're struggling with envy, is that it's not about the other person--it's about you.

When you're consumed by envy, it's often a sign that your self esteem is in the dumps. Clinical hypnosis is often effective in helping people get to the root of low self esteem and build self confidence.

Clinical hypnosis is not a "magic bullet cure."  It's not something that "done to you." It's therapeutic work.  When hypnosis is successful, you can discover what's holding you back and work on overcoming it.  

Passing Moments of Envy vs a Pervasive Pattern of Feeling Envious

We all have passing moments of envy.  Often, these are fleeting experiences.  But if you find yourself in a state of constantly comparing yourself unfavorably with others and envying them for what you feel you don't have, you owe it to yourself to explore the source of your low self esteem.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist who specializes in interactive, dynamic psychotherapy, clinical hypnosis, EMDR, and Somatic Experiencing. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

On Being Alone

In psychotherapy literature, much has been written about the unique experience that individuals have about being alone.  Donald Winnicott, the British Object Relations psychoanalyst and pediatrician, talked about the experiences of the infant who was able to tolerate times of being alone because she had an internalized sense of being alone and yet feeling the loving presence of the mother in the background.  

When things go well for the infant, this "good enough" mother is sensed as an internalized experience of nurturing that remains with the infant even when the mother isn't in sight, so the infant doesn't feel abandoned.

"Wounded Aloneness"

Michael Eigen, Ph.D., American psychoanalyst, talks about "wounded aloneness" in his latest book, "Contact with the Depths."  When the infant is unable to internalize a nurturing mother, for whatever reason, the infant experiences moments of  being alone as being abandoned, fraught with fear.  Of course, the baby has no language to express this fear, which probably is terrifying.  We know now that, contrary to former beliefs, we're not born like blank slates.  We respond and interact with our environment.  We know now about the neuroplasticity of the brain and the importance of these early experiences to the infant's developing mind.

On Being Alone

As adults, how we experience being alone is often based on these early experiences.  If the overall early experience was "good enough" in a Winnicottian sense, all things being equal, we can tolerate and even enjoy being alone for periods of time. 

We can maintain an internal sense of loving friends and family, even though they're not with us physically.  This doesn't mean that we never feel lonely.  Everyone, no matter what your early experiences have been, experiences loneliness at various times.  But, overall, being alone is, at worst, a neutral experience and, at best, a time to regroup, relax, and renew onself.

Feelings of "wounded aloneness" can lead to depression, anxiety, alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, and other forms of addictive and compulsive behavior in an effort to comfort oneself.  The drink or the drug becomes the "friend" that is so hard to give up.  It's the friend who's always there, "reliable."   

When psychotherapy is going well, when there's a good match between the therapist and client, there can be a repair to "wounded aloneness."  It doesn't happen over night.  A sense of trust must be established first.  After a time, the client learns to internalize the therapist.

Even when the therapist isn't around or even after therapy has ended, when therapy is successful, the client maintains a sense of the therapist.   There are many times when I still think of my first analyst, who has been dead for more than 20 years, and remember things he said, a look, a gesture, or helpful advice.  

In many ways, my experience of him is stronger now than at any other time in my life.  This is a common experience for many people who've had good experiences in therapy.  

We used to think that trauma and experiences of neglect and abuse did irreparable damage to children and that the best one could do is accept one's fate as an adult to remain wounded and feeling emotionally damaged.  

Fortunately, we now know that it's possible to change, heal, grow and overcome early deficits.  

Getting Help in Therapy
There are many ways to heal emotionally.  Psychotherapy is one way.   If being alone for you is a hurtful and retraumatizing experience, help is available to you.  

Working with a therapist you feel comfortable with can be a life changing experience.  Often, beginning the process can be the hardest part.  

But it can also set you on a new journey, opening up a new world for you, if you allow it.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist.  Dynamic, interactive talk therapy, EMDR, clinical hypnosis, and Somatic Experiencing are among my specialties.  

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Learning to Make Better Choices in Romantic Relationships

As a psychotherapist in New York City, over the years, I've see many clients, both men and women, who come to therapy in despair because they continue  to make unhealthy choices in their romantic relationships.

Learning to Make Better Choices in Romantic Relationships

Most of them want very much to be in healthy, loving relationships, but they keep choosing the same type of romantic partners who are almost certainly guaranteed to disappoint and break their hearts. Usually, they say they'd like to be with a kind, loving person, but they're often attracted to just the opposite type of person--emotionally unavailable, selfish, narcissistic, mean or abusive.

Looking at this phenomena on the surface, you might wonder: How can there be such a disparity between what they say they want or who they're attracted to?  It just doesn't seem to make sense. But looking below the surface at the underlying reasons that drive the attractions, we find the unconscious forces that make these unhealthy choices so compelling.

Usually, when there's such a disparity between the type of romantic partner someone says they want vs the type of people they're actually attracted to, these attractions are driven by early, often preverbal, bonds to their earliest caregivers, usually a mother or father.  

Of course, this isn't always a negative thing.  Many people were fortunate enough to have loving, nurturing parents. But if you weren't so fortunate, your early bonding experience might be getting in the way of your h making good choices for yourself.  You might be caught in a cycle of basing your relationships on unhealthy attractions.

For people caught in this cycle of wanting a healthy relationship, but continuing to choose emotionally unhealthy people, the dilemma becomes that, on the one hand, even when they meet people who are potential health partners, they're not attracted to them. There's no spark or chemistry, so there's little motivation to pursue these relationships.  On the other hand, when they meet the type of person they say they want to avoid, fireworks go off.

This can be a very discouraging dilemma.  But it is possible to change these dynamics  in therapy.  Using hypnotherapy, Somatic Experiencing therapy and dynamic talk therapy, it's possible to not only understand why you're continuing to make poor choices but also to learn to have attractions be more in synch with what you know is emotionally healthy for you.

About Me:
I am a New York City psychotherapist who provides therapy for individuals and couples, including dynamic talk therapy, hypnotherapy, Somatic Experiencing, and EMDR.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming the Fears that Keep You Stuck

Fear can be a debilitating force that keeps us stuck and immobilized. We might want to accomplish certain goals, but overwhelming fear can keep us from even finding out what we need to do to get on the right path to achieve those goals. Sometimes, years go by, and the fear makes achieving our goals seem like an impossibility.

Overcoming the Fears that Keep You Stuck

On my first day registering for college at Hunter College of CUNY, I met a woman who was getting the paperwork to apply to the college. She told me that she'd been waiting more than 10 years to apply to college. Going to college had been her dream for all that time, she told me in a nervous and excited tone. She'd spent those years working and saving her money so she could go.

During those years, all she could get were dead end jobs that she hated, but she persevered with her goal in mind. In order to save up for four years of tuition, she made a lot of sacrifices. She kept a very strict budget: She hardly ever went out socially; she didn't buy any new clothes; and she watched every penny she spent. Now, after saving all her money, she was finally ready to get the information she needed to apply. No one in her family had ever gone to college, so this was a very big thing for her.

As listened to her more, it became evident that she'd had so many fears about going to college, even in terms of the application process, that she never found out about financial aid, scholarships or loans. Her fear for something she very much wanted kept her from even getting basic information that could have saved her from delaying all those years and making unnecessary sacrifices.

 She had been told by her parents that college was very expensive, out of reach for them and probably out of reach for her. So, she avoided getting information and doggedly set about saving every penny, convinced that she had to sacrifice everything in order to begin the process of applying for college.

As she was telling me how she scrimped and saved, I wondered how she was going to feel when she found out she didn't need to wait all those years to make her dream come true. As it turned out, I saw her a few months later, after she had been accepted to the college. She told me how shocked she was that she was entitled to a substantial amount of financial aid, and she didn't need to sacrifice all those years, staying home, and depriving herself. She realized that, during all those years, she allowed her fear of even getting information to keep her stuck, and when she finally mobilized herself to pursue her dream, it wasn't nearly as daunting as she anticipated. She regretted self sacrificing needlessly and wished she had looked into things sooner.

Even though I didn't know this young woman well, I never forgot her story and the lesson it provided. When we're fearful of pursuing our dreams, they often seem so much more daunting than they turn out to be. Often, when we're finally on the path where we want to be, we say to ourselves, "Wow! This isn't as bad as I thought! Why did I wait? I could have started sooner."

You can overcome fears that keep you stuck

Of course, it's not always so simple. Overwhelming trauma often creates fears that make it very difficult to overcome. We can't always "bootstrap" ourselves along to overcome our fears. Sometimes, we need help. Not knowing this young woman well, I don't know what possible traumatic events might have occurred to her parents to cause them to feel that college was an almost unattainable goal for their daughter. I don't know what fears this young woman might have taken on from them or developed on her own. But I could feel the regret and disappointment she experienced for allowing her fears to overcome her.

Letting go of your fears

Working with a skilled hypnotherapist, it's possible to overcome long-held fears that keep you from achieving your dreams. As I've mentioned in other blog posts, clinical hypnosis isn't a "magic bullet." It's not something that's done to you while you passively observe. But it can be an effective form of therapy to help you overcome the emotional obstacles that keep you stuck.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individuals and couples.

To find out more about clinical hypnosis, you can visit the professional hypnosis website: American Society of Clinical Hypnosis

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Hypnosis: Developing the Confidence to Succeed at What You Thought You Couldn't Do

What is clinical hypnosis?
Clinical hypnosis is a form of therapy which has been known to help clients to develop self confidence. As I've mentioned in prior blog posts, while hypnosis isn't a quick fix or a magic bullet to resolving problems, it's often more effective than regular "talk therapy" in helping clients to overcome obstacles.

When performed by an experienced and skilled hypnotherapist, clinical hypnosis can help clients to access the unconscious mind where people often have untapped resources they are unaware of in regular waking consciousness. With regard to developing self confidence, clinical hypnosis allows clients to access other experiences where, initially, they might have doubted their abilities to succeed, but they succeeded nonetheless. It can be a very uplifting experience to succeed in an endeavor where, originally, you thought you wouldn't be able to do it.

Using hypnosis to access these emotions is more than just remembering what it was like to succeed. Hypnosis can help you on an unconscious level to use the felt sense of that successful experience to develop self confidence in the present. Hypnosis can help to amplify your former state of self confidence in a particular situation from the past and use it in the here and now.

Why affirmations often aren't enough
Many people use affirmations to help overcome a lack of self confidence. Affirmations can be helpful but, for many, they often remain a superficial experience that doesn't go very deep. The advantage of using hypnosis is that it can help you to access deeper states of consciousness where you can often bypass the negative thinking that creeps in on a conscious level.

Are you giving yourself negative hypnotic suggestions?

You might not even realize, until you experience hypnosis, that you are giving yourself negative hypnotic suggestions. As strange as that might sound, most of us have experienced times when we've engaged in automatic negative thought like, "I can't do that" or "I'm not good enough to do that" that keep us trapped in a state of low self confidence. If this type of thinking is habitual, it can be a powerful way to keep us in that state.

Break the cycle of negative thinking
Breaking the cycle of automatic negative thinking can be a challenge, but it can be accomplished.

Having access to the felt sense experience of earlier successes from any time in your life and being able to apply it to a current situation can help you to overcome emotional obstacles that keep you stuck in your current situation. It doesn't matter if it was a feeling of success that you experienced yesterday or when you learned to ride a bike when you were five. It doesn't have to be related to what you want to accomplish now. It can be any experience in your life. It's all stored in your unconscious mind and accessible through clinical hypnosis.

Lack of confidence is often related to earlier trauma

For some people, their lack of self confidence is related to earlier trauma. If this is the case, a skilled hypnotherapist can help you to overcome the trauma. Once again, this isn't magic and it's often not quick, especially if there are multiple traumas. For other people, their lack of self confidence is part of their depression. Hypnotherapy can also be helpful to overcome depression.

How long does it take to develop self confidence?

There's no way to tell in advance how many sessions might be needed to overcome a lack of self confidence. Everyone is different. There can be many factors involved, including the client's level of motivation and willingness to change.

Developing the self confidence to succeed at what you thought you couldn't do through clinical hypnosis can be a life changing experience.

Choose a licensed therapist

When you're seeking clinical hypnosis treatment, make sure you choose a licensed psychotherapist who has the clinical skills and expertise to help you. There are many hypnotists who have learned hypnotic techniques, but they're not trained mental health professionals. If more complex underlying psychological issues arise, they don't have the skills to deal with it. When in doubt, ask about licensure before you start treatment.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist. 

 I provide psychotherapy services to individuals and couples, including clinical hypnosis, EMDR, Somatic Experiencing and dynamic talk therapy.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist & Hypnotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Are Your Core Beliefs Keeping You Stuck in Your Life?

As a psychotherapist in New York City, I often see clients who have core beliefs about themselves and about life that keep them stuck in their lives. Many times these are unconscious beliefs that they don't even realize they have until they begin psychotherapy and we begin to explore why they're not where they want to be in their lives.

Are Your Core Beliefs Keeping You Stuck?

One such common belief that often keeps people feeling stuck or trapped in habitual ways of responding to life is "I have to put other people's needs first." 

This is the type of underlying belief or attitude that often goes unrecognized until people come to therapy.

The following vignette, which is a fictionalized composite of many different cases with all identifying information changed, illustrates how underlying core beliefs about can keep you feeling stuck in your life:

Mary:

When Mary first started coming to therapy, she felt frustrated and discouraged about her life. At age 35, she wasn't where she hoped to be in her life. Having completed graduate school more than 10 years before, she hoped to be further along in her career. Instead, she was stuck in a low-level supervisory job while she watched her peers get promotions throughout the years to senior managerial positions. She knew she was just as capable as they were, but she remained stuck in the same job while their careers were taking off.

In her personal life, she had hoped to be married with a couple of children by the time she was in her 30s, but she kept having one unfulfilling relationship after another. At the point when she started therapy, she wasn't in a relationship, and she felt discouraged about the prospect of getting married.

As we began to explore Mary's underlying beliefs and attitudes, it became apparent that one of Mary's beliefs was that she had to put other people's needs before her own. Raised in a devoutly religious home, Mary was taught that putting your own needs first was self and wrong. Without realizing it, she learned to sacrifice her own emotional needs so she could please others. This belief showed up over and over with family members, friends, colleagues, and especially in romantic relationships. She never learned to say, "No" when almost anything was asked of her. It was mo wonder she was exhausted and felt stuck.

At work, she often gave her colleagues and bosses ideas that they presented as their own without giving Mary credit for them. She thought of this as just helping them out without realizing that she was sacrificing her chances for recognition. It was such an ingrained pattern that, at first, Mary didn't see it.

In her personal relationships with friends and men she dated, she was always too ready to put her other people's emotional needs before her own. If there was any type of conflict, she would be the first to apologize and take the blame for the problem. She was barely aware of her own needs, and people frequently took advantage of her. Even when she did recognize that the other person was being unkind or selfish, due to her attitude that other people's needs must come first, she pushed down these feelings. It was more important for her to see herself as being "a good person" by taking care of others than taking care of herself.

As we continued to work together, Mary developed an increasing self awareness as to how she would sabotage herself in her personal and work-related relationships. At first, she was confused about what to do about it. Her belief that she was "a good person" was very much tied in with gratifying others and neglecting herself. It took a lot of work in therapy, even after she became aware that her lifelong belief was keeping her trapped in her life, for her to change. She had to learn that she could still be "a good person" and put her own needs first. Then, even more difficult, she had to learn to put this into practice.

Ingrained beliefs and attitudes about yourself and how you "should" be in the world can be difficult to change. It often forces you to question and challenge long-held beliefs and family traditions. Your loved ones, who are accustomed to your behaving in a certain way, might not like these changes. It can be an uphill battle within yourself and with others.

What motivated Mary to change is that we clearly defined where she wanted to be in her personal life and in her career. With clearly defined goals as her guide, she was able to start looking at and letting go of beliefs and attitudes that were keeping her from achieving her goals. She started by learning to say "No" to unreasonable requests from friends and family members. Progress with this type of change is rarely linear. So, it was to be expected that there would be some back sliding along the way. But, overall, Mary made progress. She was amazed, at first, at how much more energy she had when she wasn't saying "Yes" to everyone's needs.

At work, Mary began putting her ideas in writing to her bosses rather than giving them away to colleagues or allowing others to take credit for them. She was an intelligent and creative thinker. Over time, she began to get the recognition she deserved, and she was soon promoted.

With regard to her romantic life, as she began to feel she was more deserving, she also began to make better choices in men. Whereas she used to choose men who tended to be selfish and narcissistic, she now chose men who were more empathetic to her needs. After a year or so, she met the man who would become her husband and the father of her child. She was still challenged from time to time, especially when it came to balancing her needs with her family's needs but, overall, she made a lot of progress in this area.

Looking at how your core beliefs might be keeping you feeling stuck and trapped in your life isn't easy. Letting go of beliefs and changing your attitude is even more challenging. But if you want to live a more fulfilling life, being willing to change is vital.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist who provides psychotherapy to individuals and couples, including dynamic talk therapy, EMDR, clinical hypnosis, and Somatic Experiencing.

I am certified in mind-body oriented psychotherapy.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Relationships: Are You and Your Spouse Constantly Arguing About Money?

Are you and your spouse constantly arguing about money? If you are, you're not alone. Arguments about money often bring couples into couples counseling when the couple can't find a way to compromise on their differences. It's one of the main reasons why people come to see a couples therapist. It's also one of the main causes of breakups and divorce.

Arguing About Money

What I'm referring to is not the occasional disagreement that many couples have from time to time about money. I'm talking about a pattern of ongoing arguments where there are fundamental differences in values and major differences in how each person relates to money.

People Often Don't Talk About Money Before They Get Married

Often, before people get married or enter into a committed relationship, they neglect talking about money and each of their particular views about it. It's very easy to get so caught up and swept away by romantic feelings that money issues might seem too mundane to talk about at that point. 

 For many people, talking about money is still somewhat taboo. So, both people enter into the marriage blissfully unaware that they might have completely different philosophies about money.

For instance, one person might be more of a saver while the other person is more of a spender. Until you live with someone and share bills, you might not really see certain patterns they have with spending or saving money. But once you're together, these issues start to come up pretty quickly with regard to both short-term and long-term money issues. 

 It's not unusual for a spouse to discover shortly after being married that his or her partner has a lot of credit card debt that was never mentioned before. There have been times when I've been amazed at the lengths that one spouse has gone to, even long into the marriage, to keep large debts a secret until they've become really out of control.

Money Can Take on Different Symbolic Meanings

Money often takes on different symbolic meanings for people. For many people, money is symbolic of self worth. The more money they have, the better they feel about themselves. 

 Conversely, having less money (either due to a job loss or other reversals in fortune) erodes their self esteem. To rely on how much money you have to determine how you feel about yourself is a very slippery slope. 

 When one or both people feel this way in a relationship, it becomes a big problem when they experience a financial downturn, and this often leads to arguments. Without strong internal resources, an over identification of money and self esteem is often a recipe for disaster.

Arguing About Money

For many couples, where one person relies on overspending to shore up an otherwise poor sense of self, hidden emotional insecurities (that were formerly kept out of conscious awareness by overspending money to feel good) come to the surface in unexpected ways when he or she can't continue overspending due to financial problems. When overspending money is no longer available as a quick fix habit to feel good, this often leads to arguments. The person who is overspending might not even realize that being unable to rely on this quick fix is causing him or her to feel irritable and unhappy.

In many couples, one or both people feel that when a spouse spends a lot of money on them, it's symbolic of how much they are loved. If they have to cut back on their spending, it feels like the spouse loves them less. Most of the time, these are unconscious feelings and they can be very powerful. At that point, the couple is challenged to find something more intrinsically meaningful in their relationship. Of course, this isn't such an all-or-nothing problem most of the time. It can be much more subtle than that. But it can still be a problem.

Getting Help in Therapy

When couples are unable to work out their differences about money, they often find it helpful to seek couples counseling. 

 A couples counselor won't provide you with financial advice, but he or she can help you to understand the emotional aspects of your problems and how to negotiate and compromise about money issues. A skilled couples counselor can also help you to see the underlying emotional issues that might be fueling your problems.

I've only touched the surface in this blog post with regard to all the different problems couples often have around money. The important thing to realize is that arguments about money, although unpleasant, are not unusual, and many couples are helped in couples counseling to overcome these problems.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist. 

 I work with individuals and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming Emotional Trauma with Somatic Experiencing Therapy

As a psychotherapist in New York City, I see many clients who are seeking help to overcome emotional trauma. Many of these clients have already tried conventional talk therapy, but they've experienced little if any relief from that treatment, and they're interested in experiencing a mind-body oriented psychotherapy, like Somatic Experiencing, EMDR or clinical hypnosis.

Overcoming Emotional Trauma With Somatic Experiencing

Emotional Trauma is Stored in the Body
Conventional talk therapy often helps clients to become intellectually insightful about their trauma. However, in many cases, it doesn't help clients to heal from the trauma, which is why I prefer using mind-body oriented treatment modalities, like Somatic Experiencing, clinical hypnosis or EMDR, which I have found much more effective in helping clients to heal.

In prior blog posts, I've described Somatic Experiencing in detail, so I won't focus on that here. For anyone interested in finding out more basic information about Somatic Experiencing, I recommend Peter Levine's books, Waking the Tiger - Transforming Overwhelming Experiences and In an Unspoken Voice as well as the Somatic Experiencing website: Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute.

Feeling Cut Off from the Body Due to Emotional Trauma

In this blog post, I want to focus on a common problem that traumatized clients have when they begin treatment, which is feeling cut off or dissociated from their bodies. The degree to which a client might feel cut off varies. Some clients, depending upon the depth of the trauma, might feel significantly out of touch with sensory experiences in their bodies most of the time. Other clients might feel out of touch with sensory exeriences at times and with. only certain parts of their bodies.

Dissociation Can Go Unnoticed in Traditional Talk Therapy

Very often, in traditional talk therapy, this dissociation goes unnoticed, especially for very intellectualized clients who can talk intellectually about their problems with the therapist, but who might be emotionally and physically cut off from their trauma. If the therapist is not trained to notice what's happening physically in clients, this dissociation is often not apparent to them.

 A client can go through years of conventional therapy in this state, gain intellectual insight, but not still not overcome the trauma. At the conclusion of what the therapist perceives as a "success" therapy, the client is often left wondering why he or she still feels as traumatized at the end of treatment as he or she did at the beginning. Some clients end up blaming themselves for this, which could be a life long pattern due to a history of trauma.

Somatic Experiencing as a Gentle and Effective Therapy

So, if traumatized clients are often, to some degree, dissociated from their emotions and their bodies, you might wonder how they could participate in Somatic Experiencing.

The answer is that, initially, for clients who are significantly out of touch with their emotions and physical sensations, the Somatic Experiencing therapist helps them to start getting these experiences back "online." There are Somatic Experiencing techniques that gently and safely help clients to overcome their dissociation.

As an example, one technique that Somatic Experiencing therapists use is helping clients to become more aware of tension in their muscles.

 For people who are cut off from the sensory experiences of their bodies, they often don't realize how tense their muscles are. 

Their muscles have become like body armor without their even realizing it. Helping clients to learn how to relax their bodies is one way to begin the process of reacquainting them with their bodies and gradually bringing various parts of their bodies back "on line" again.

Often, the parts of the body that are dissociated are the parts that "hold" all or part of the emotional trauma. Somatic Experiencing is a gentle and safe way to help clients to reintegrate emotionally and physically.

 The Somatic Experiencing therapist is observing and tracking what's happening for the client on an emotional and physical level. Before any work is begun, the therapist ensures that the client has the internal emotional resources for doing the work. If not, the therapist works with the client to develop those skills.

My original training after graduate school was in psychoanalysis and psychodynamic psychotherapy. 

Early on, when clients with significant trauma came to me, I found that psychodynamic therapy had its shortcomings in helping clients overcome trauma, which is why trained in various mind-body oriented treatment modalities, like clinical hypnosis, Somatic Experiencing, and EMDR.

 I still use psychodynamic psychotherapy with some clients, but I now use it in a much more dynamic and contemporary way.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you are seeking to overcome trauma, you could benefit from attending treatment with a Somatic Experiencing (SE) therapist. 

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist. 

I provide psychotherapy services, including Somatic Experiencing, clinical hypnosis, EMDR and contemporary talk therapy to individuals and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also, see my article:  Overcoming Childhood Trauma that Affects Your Adult Relationships

Workplace: If You Want Your Employees to Treat Customers Well, Treat Your Employees Well

It seems it should just be common sense that, as a boss, if you want your employees to provide good customer service, you should model this behavior by treating your employees well. And, yet, many workplace managers just don't get it. There's a big disconnect between the behavior they model with employees and their expectations about how they want these same employees to treat customers.

If You Want Your Employees to Treat Your Customers Well, Treat Your Employees Well

As a psychotherapist, I hear from clients all the time about managers who are verbally abusive or who mistreat employees in other ways. These managers model bad behavior towards their employees, but they expect their employees to turn around and provide excellent customer service to customers.

When I refer to treating employees well, I'm not necessarily referring to giving employees big salary increases. Of course, it's always great to get a raise.

 But, based on what I hear from clients, money is important, but it's even more important to be treated, at the very least, with basic respect and common courtesy. This should be a no-brainer, but for many managers, it's not.

As a consumer, I often observe this phenomenon for myself in many different kinds of stores. You can often tell when you walk into a store (or any other workplace setting) whether employees are being treated well.

 Employees who are being treated well by management tend to be more open and helpful with customers. They often want to go the extra mile with customers. In those same work settings, there's usually an overall pleasant and professional environment.

In workplaces where employees are not being treated well by management, you can almost always feel it in your interactions with employees.

For instance, a cashier, who is belittled and demeaned by the boss, frequently doesn't make eye contact with customers. He often seems harried. The overall environment is usually tense and unpleasant. The owner might be ingratiating with customers, but if you observe his behavior with employees, it's often gruff and condescending. It's not unusual to see him standing over them and micro-managing their work.

As a customer, this is a very unpleasant experience. When I encounter this, I don't want to linger to browse--I want to get out of there as soon as possible.

I can remember times, years ago, when I was a human resources manager, when employees in these types of workplaces would offer me their resumes when the boss wasn't around.

They would tell me how unhappy they were, and they'd asked me if I had any openings or if I knew of anyone who had job openings. My heart went out to them, but I didn't have jobs to offer them.

Aside from how indicative this is of poor employee morale, what does this say about management? My sense was that these employees' supervisors, who weren't treating employees well, were also not being treated well by their managers.

There's an old Italian saying, which my grandmother used to say in situations like this, "The fish rots from the head down." Often what you observe on the lower echelons of management, with some exceptions, you will find on the upper end as well.

I realize this is a generalization, but poor management often cascades from the top, especially where mistreating employees is tolerated. In well-run organizations, managers who don't know how to maintain good employee relations with the staff are let go.

Well-run organizations don't tolerate a manager's bad behavior towards employees, if they know about it. And if they don't know about it, they should.

 In a well-run organization, top management knows that how they treat their employees will affect the bottom line. They don't have to be altruists to know that reasonably satisfied employees usually reflect their satisfaction in their work and interactions with customers. It just makes good business sense.

When I was in my 20s, I worked for an exceptional manager who took an interest in the career goals of each person who worked for him. We were part of a hospital, which gave the same across the board salary increases based on whatever unionized employees received, even though we were not unionized employees in this department.

So, other than getting a promotion, which I did over time, this manager couldn't reward us with extra money. But, he knew that treating employees well in other ways would, most likely, boost morale and ensure that we would provide good service to our "customers" (other departments within the hospital). He was an unusually creative manager and he found ways to incorporate tasks that were of interest to his employees.

For instance, if an employee was interested in improving her public speaking skills, he would give her the task of doing a small presentation during the staff meeting.

Needless to say, the overall work environment was very good, and this manager's boss was also a supportive individual who encouraged growth and development from the people who reported to him. This engendered loyalty and hard work among employees.

In some companies, where there are 360 performance evaluations (where managers rate employees, employees rate their managers, and peers rate each other), managers are usually more aware of how they treat employees because they don't want poor evaluations.

Anecdotally, I know of managers, who were in companies where they do 360 evaluations, who were fired because their employees gave them poor evaluations. Top management wasn't t interested in keeping them on and risking employee lawsuits.

So, while it might not be "rocket science" that you need to treat your employees well if you want them to treat your customers well, many short-sighted bosses just don't get it. This often results in unfavorable consequences for their employees, the business and, often, for themselves.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist who provides psychotherapy services, including dynamic talk therapy, EMDR, clinical hypnosis, and Somatic Experiencing. 

I work with individuals and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.