Rebuilding Relationships After Infidelity

I introduced the topic of infidelity in my prior article, Common Relationship Problems After Infidelity by using two composite vignettes. 

Rebuilding Relationships After Infidelity

In the current article, I'll continue to focus on these two vignettes and show how couples sex therapy can help.

Clinical Vignettes

The following composite vignettes were discussed in my prior article:

Maria and Sal: A Relationship With a Monogamous Agreement

Recap From the Prior Article: 

Maria found out that Sal was cheating on her with another woman after she found his sext messages. Initially, Sal denied he was cheating but, eventually, he admitted it but he said the other woman "meant nothing" to him.  But he agreed to stop seeing the other woman. Both of them agreed to put the matter behind them and "move on." After that, their sex life became much more passionate than it had been in years, but that only lasted a short time. And, despite their agreement to "move on", Maria became highly suspicious of Sal's behavior and even his thoughts.  As a result, they stopped having sex altogether and they didn't know how to repair their relationship.

Rebuilding Relationships After Infidelity

Couples/Sex Therapy for Maria and Sal:

When they couldn't repair their relationship on their own, they sought help in couples sex therapy (see my articles: What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) For Couples and What is Sex Therapy?).

The couples sex therapist told them that a lot of couples want to avoid the difficult stage of repairing their relationship so they decide to "move on" to avoid difficult emotions. She told them this is a common mistake and to achieve a lasting reconciliation, they couldn't avoid dealing with their emotions.

During couples sex therapy Maria learned how to communicate her hurt and pain and Sal learned how to respond in an empathetic way and to express his genuine remorse. The therapist normalized that, even with couples who want to stay together, their relationship doesn't improve overnight. 

Maria admitted that, after she found out Sal was cheating, she wanted to prove to Sal and to herself that she could be just as sexy and passionate as she imagined the other woman had been. But this stage didn't last long because her anger, resentment and suspicion grew and she felt even more resentful when she thought that Sal might think "everything was okay" just because she was having sex with him.

The therapist also told Sal that, if he wanted Maria to forgive him (and not just brush their problems under the rug), he needed to understand her upset and be accountable to her--even if the reconciliation didn't happen as quickly as he would like. 

They worked on improving communication and rebuilding trust, which was especially difficult for Maria because she realized, once she allowed herself to feel the emotions she had been suppressing, she was hurt and angry (see my article: Learning to Trust Again After Infidelity).

Over time, they both realized that, even though Sal sought Maria's forgiveness and Maria wanted to forgive him, forgiveness isn't a one-and-done process--it comes in stages from surface to depth (see my article: Stages of Forgiveness).

As Maria healed emotionally and began to rebuild trust in Sal, she was open to trying to have sex with him again. At first, there were times during sex when she thought about Sal being with the other woman and she became so upset that she had to stop.

Over time, Maria and Sal accepted that, due to the betrayal, they wouldn't be able to "go back" to the same relationship they had before. They realized they needed to mourn the relationship they had before and develop the next phase of their new relationship. Along the way, there were setbacks, but they continued to make progress (see my article: Setbacks Are a Normal Part of Therapy While You're on the Road to Healing).

Bob and John: A Relationship With a Consensual Nonmonogamous Agreement

Recap from the Prior Article:

Bob and John were in a long term consensually nonmonogamous relationship when Bob found out that John had gone against their agreement by getting emotionally involved with another man (their agreement was that they could have casual sex with other people but not see them more than once to avoid forming emotional ties). John admitted he broke their agreement. He told Bob he never meant to hurt him. He also told him that he wanted to remain in their relationship, but he also wanted to continue to see the other man.  Bob was so hurt that, even though he didn't want to end his relationship with John, he knew it would be excruciating for him if John continued to be emotionally involved with the other man. So, he distanced himself emotionally and sexually from John. Both of them felt stuck and they didn't know what to do.

Rebuilding Relationships After Infidelity

Couples Sex Therapy for Bob and John:

Since they were at an impasse, they decided to seek help from a couples sex therapist.

As John took responsibility for cheating, he realized that he would need to make a painful decision after Bob gave him an ultimatum: Either John would choose to work on their relationship or, if John wanted to continue to see the other man, they would breakup.  

After considering Bob's ultimatum, John chose to work on their relationship and he ended his relationship with the other man. He said he realized he didn't want to lose Bob and that their relationship was the most important relationship in his life.

Similar to Maria and Sal, they had to go through many of the same steps to try to repair their relationship--improving communication and rebuilding trust.

During the early stage of couples sex therapy, they agreed not to see other people until they repaired their relationship. Bob was also fearful that, if they did open their relationship again to have casual sex with others, he wouldn't be able to trust John.

Bob and John worked hard in therapy to rebuild their relationship over time. Gradually, Bob believed John had a deep sense of remorse for his betrayal. John also admitted he had been selfish to cheat on Bob.

The first few times they tried to have sex, Bob got distracted with thoughts about John being with the other man. During those times, Bob had to stop and he turned away from John. He couldn't help feeling insecure in terms of what the other man's body looked like compared to him.  

They were able to talk about it in their couples sex therapy and, over time, John learned to stay focused on remaining emotionally and sexually engaged with John instead of focusing on thoughts about John being with the other man.

When they had rebuilt their trust, which took time, they talked about their consensual nonmonogamous agreement in light of John's cheating and reiterated that they would only have casual sex with others and refrain from having sex with the same partner more than once to avoid developing emotional attachments.

Conclusion

Infidelity can occur in any type of relationship--regardless of whether you and your partner have agreed to be in a monogamous or consensual nonmonogamous relationship.  

If the partners decide to remain together, they need to go through the repair process without skipping or avoiding steps.

Couples sex therapy can help people in relationships to heal and develop the next phase of their relationship.

Getting Help in Couples/Sex Therapy

Couples sex therapy is therapy for people in a relationship where they're having emotional and sexual problems--whether it's about infidelity, differences in libido, communication problems or other relational and/or sexual problems.

Getting Help in Couples/Sex Therapy

If you and your partner are stuck in a dynamic that isn't working, rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who has an expertise with the problem you're having.

The best chance for success in couples sex therapy involves seeking help sooner rather than  later.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Common Relationship Problems After Infidelity

I have written several articles about infidelity in the past (see the links for these articles throughout and at the end of this article).

In the current article I'm discussing on some of the most common problems people in relationships experience after infidelity.

In the next article, I'll discuss steps to repair emotional and sexual intimacy.

Repairing Intimacy After Infidelity

What Are the Most Common Relationships Problems After Infidelity?

Different people will face a variety of problems after infidelity  (see my article: Coping With Infidelity).

Here are some of the most common problems:

• Lack of Trust: Lack of trust can include the betrayed partner questioning their other partner's behavior, thoughts and feelings even when the partner who cheated tries to assure them that they are no longer cheating (see my article: Learning to Trust Again After Infidelity).

• Feeling Devastated: After infidelity is discovered, the betrayed partner can feel emotionally devastated including feeling sad, angry, resentful, ashamed, humiliated, confused, self blaming, powerless, "not good enough" and questioning their desirability. The partner who cheated can also feel emotionally devastated with guilt, shame, sadness, regret, and fear of losing their partner.

Feeling Emotionally Devastated After Infidelity

• Barriers to Communication: It's common for both people to have problems communicating with each other after an affair. Both people can have problems expressing their feelings to each other.

• Struggling With Uncertainty About the Relationship: Even if both people want to repair the relationship, they might also be struggling with uncertainty as to whether or not the relationship can be repaired and, if it can, what the relationship would look like in the future (see my article: Should You Stay or Should You Leave Your Relationship?).

• Struggling With How to Begin the Healing Process: Emotional healing can be a challenge for both people. The betrayed partner might not know how to begin the individual healing process--even after they have decided to try to repair the relationship. The partner who cheated also might not know how to heal especially if they feel they don't deserve to heal because they cheated and caused their partner pain.

• Struggling With Forgiveness: Forgiveness involves more than just the partner who cheated saying "I'm sorry" and the betrayed partner saying "I forgive you" (see my article: Stages of Forgiveness).

Struggling With Forgiveness After Infidelity

• Rebuilding Emotional and Sexual Intimacy: People often struggle with how to rebuild emotional and sexual intimacy after an affair. This is especially challenging if they have waited a while to seek help and they have fallen into a pattern of emotional and sexual  disconnection.  Even if a couple has resumed having sex, they can't assume this means the relationship has been repaired if they haven't gone through the repair process. When couples don't go through that process, there are often unspoken emotions that come to the surface in many different ways (see my article: Have You and Your Partner Stopped Having Sex?).

Clinical Vignettes:

The following clinical vignettes, which are composites of many different cases to protect confidentiality, illustrate some of the common problems people experience after infidelity:

A Relationship With a Monogamous Agreement

    Maria and Sal:

Maria and Sal were married for 10 years when she discovered sexts from another woman on Sal's phone. At first, Sal tried to dismiss Maria's concerns by telling her these sexts didn't mean anything, which served to upset Maria even more because she felt Sal was dismissing her feelings and minimizing the problem.

Sexting and Infidelity

When he realized how distraught Maria felt, Sal took responsibility and admitted he had been having a sexual affair online and in person with another woman for several months. At that point, Maria told Sal that, although she was deeply hurt and angry, she didn't want to end their marriage especially since they had two young children. 

After Sal agreed to end the affair and never have contact with the other woman again, both Maria and Sal agreed to "put it all behind" them and "move on." 

At first, this was a relief to both of them, but over time they realized Maria was having problems trusting Sal. She was suspicious about every text he received and insisted on monitoring his phone. She also didn't believe him when he had to go on a business trip. In addition, she repeatedly demanded to know if Sal was thinking about the other woman and, when he said he wasn't, she didn't believe him.

Initially, after they agreed to remain together, their sex life became more passionate. Maria wanted to prove to Sal and to herself that she was sexually desirable and Sal wanted to prove to Maria that he found her desirable. But after a few weeks, their sexual passion began to wane because of the trust issues--until they stopped having sex altogether (see my article: Have You and Your Partner Stopped Having Sex?).

They didn't know how to talk to each other about these problems or where to begin to repair their problems with emotional and sexual intimacy.

A Relationships With a Consensual Nonmonogamous Agreement

    Bob and John

Bob and John were in a long term consensually nonmonogamous relationship (CNM). Their agreement was their relationship was primary. They also agreed they could have sex with other people, but neither of them would get emotionally involved with anyone else. 

In order to decrease the possibility of developing emotional ties with other men, part of their agreement was that they would only have sex with another person once and then never have contact with that man again.

Initially, they agreed they would have a "don't ask, don't tell" agreement where they could have sex with others, but they wouldn't let each other know about it. 

But, over time, this didn't work for them because they felt the secrecy was harming their relationship. So, they revised their CNM agreement so that they would talk about it before they got sexually involved with others (see my article: What's the Difference Between Privacy and Secrecy in Relationships?).

Their revised agreement seemed to be working out well--until Bob found out from his friend that John was having a long term affair with another man.

Infidelity Can Occur in Consensually Nonmonogamous Relationships

When Bob confronted John, he told him he couldn't believe John went against their CNM agreement. He was hurt and angry.

John admitted he broke their agreement, but he never meant to hurt Bob.  He also told Bob he wasn't sure if he wanted to stop seeing the other man--even though he knew this would cause John a lot of pain.

Both of them wanted to remain together, but Bob knew he couldn't tolerate John having an emotional attachment to another man.

After Bob found out about John's involvement with another man, he distanced himself from John emotionally and sexually.

They both felt stuck and they didn't know how to deal with their problem.

Next Article

In my next article, I'll continue discussing these two vignettes and how couples/sex therapy can help.

Conclusion

Emotional and sexual intimacy are often negatively affected after infidelity.

Many people want to remain in their relationship, but they don't know how to move forward.

Getting Help in Couples/Sex Therapy

If you're having problems repairing intimacy in your relationship after infidelity, you could benefit from working with a couples therapist who is also a sex therapist.

Getting Help in Couples/Sex Therapy

Most couples therapists have no training in sex therapy, so they might be able to help couples to repair emotionally, but they don't have the skills to help them repair sexually.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help in couples/sex therapy so you can repair emotional and sexual intimacy in your relationship.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist (see my article: Common Misconceptions About Sex Therapy).

With over 20 years of experience, I have helped many individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Other Articles:

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) For Couples?

What is Sex Therapy?

What Are Common Issues Discussed in Sex Therapy?

How to Stop Trying to Fix People and Focus on Yourself

A common problem I see in my psychotherapy private practice is clients who are trying hard to fix people instead of focusing on themselves (see my articles: Learn to Accept You Can't Control Your Loved Ones and Overcoming Codependency).

This might involve cheating, gambling, drinking, overspending and so on.

Focus on Yourself and Stop Trying to Fix People

There's no doubt these clients are really suffering and they want what's best for their loved ones, but their attempts to fix them often backfires for reasons I'll discuss in this article.

My Early Experiences as a Psychotherapist in Training in the Mid-1990s

First, I would like to focus on an important lesson I had to learn as a new therapist many years ago.

When I started training to be a psychotherapist in the mid-1990s, I had to learn an important lesson early on from my supervisor who understood I was empathetic towards my clients at the clinic, but who knew I was trying to fix them when that wasn't my role as a therapist. She said, "You're not in the business of 'fixing' people." 

Although I recognize this to be wise advice now, I had to adjust my thinking at the time. After all, I got into the mental health profession to help people, but I had to learn that trying to fix people wasn't part of my job.  

Instead, my job was to help clients develop insight and the ability to make changes--if they wanted to make changes.  

Within a short period of time, I learned that what I thought was the best course of action might not be what my clients wanted or needed--and it might not even be the best course of action. 

After all, who was I to say what was best for my clients?  I only saw them for an hour a week which isn't a lot of time compared to the rest of the time they lived their lives away from therapy.

In addition, they often knew what was best for them and they just needed the tools and strategies to get there.

All of this is to say that I understand from my own experience dating back to the mid-1990s how strong an impulse trying to fix others can be. 

I also know how humbling and sad it is to watch some clients make choices that, objectively, aren't good for them but, as adults, this is their right.

How to Stop Trying to Fix People

You might have the best intentions when you want to fix others, but you can't control the adults in your life--not your partner, friends, adult children or other loved ones.

Stop Trying to Fix People and Focus on Yourself

The only person you can change is yourself (see my article: Getting to Know the Only Person You Can Change: Yourself).

The following steps can help you if you think you might have a problem with trying to fix people:

• Awareness: The first step in trying to change a problem is awareness. Specifically, you could benefit from developing self awareness about how you go about trying to change people when they don't want to be changed. In addition, developing self awareness helps you to understand the impact your behavior might be having on the people you care about. If they're telling you they don't want your help to change, listening to them and learning is necessary (see my article: What is Self Reflective Awareness and Why Is It Important to You?).

Develop Self Awareness

• Acceptance: It's often hard to accept that you might be the one with the problem. This isn't to say that the person you would like to change doesn't also have a problem and that their problem might be having a negative impact on you. But it's important for you to accept that you can't control other people--even if you think it's for their own good (see my article: Awareness and Acceptance About What You Have Been in Denial About).

Acceptance

• Allow Others to Make Their Own Decisions: When you attempt to control others, even if they're willing to allow you to do it, you disempower them because you haven't allowed them to go through the necessary process to make lasting change, which could include overcoming denial and ambivalence. Even if you could control their change process, they might be going along with your advice just to appease you. But, since their decision hasn't come from deep inside them, the change they make to please you often isn't solid. A change that comes from their own internal motivation (instead of external pressure) is more likely to stick (see my article: Learn to Stop Interfering in Your Adult Children's Lives).

Allow Others to Make Their Own Decisions

• Focus on Yourself: Instead of focusing on how you can fix other people, focus on yourself. Many people who become involved in fixing others do it, in part, because they want an escape from their own problems. Be honest and ask yourself if there are personal issues you have been avoiding and begin to tackle those issues instead.

Focus on Yourself

• Make Your Own Decisions: Even though you might let go of trying to fix others, this doesn't mean that you can't make your own decisions about what's right for you. So, for instance, if your partner refuses to get help for alcoholism and you know it's having a negative impact on your life, you have the right to make a decision about what you want to do about it for yourself. This is often a lot harder for people than trying to fix a spouse, but it's the healthiest and most empowering path for yourself (see my article: Fear of Making Decisions: Indecision Becomes a Decision in Time).

Getting Help in Therapy

A pattern of trying to fix others often starts at an early age and it becomes a lifelong pattern of behavior.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you're struggling with letting go of trying to fix and control others, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional who can help you to develop the necessary tools and strategies to change (see my article: Why Do People Go to Therapy?)

Getting help in therapy to change this pattern of behavior can help you to lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Therapy).

With over 20 years of experience, I have helped many individual adults and couples to make changes (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at 917-742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Why Do People Go to Therapy?

When I was 18 years old, I sought help in therapy to deal with certain issues I was struggling with at the time. 

I'll never forget our family doctor's response when I told him that I started therapy: "Why are you going to therapy? Do you think you're a movie star?" 

Why Do People Go to Therapy?

I knew he was trying to make light of a subject that made him feel uncomfortable but, even back then, as a teenager, I realized his response was unenlightened and behind the times. 

I would like to think people are better informed now, but I still hear from clients in my psychotherapy private practice that their friends and family respond negatively when they hear about therapy: 

"Why are you going to therapy?" 

"Therapy is for crazy people. You're not crazy"

"You must be weak if you going to therapy" and so on 

    

        See my articles below about common misconceptions about therapy.

So, after hearing these remarks many times, I thought it would be worthwhile to write about the reasons why people go to therapy. I'm hoping this article can help to normalize the therapy process.

Why Do People Attend Psychotherapy?

People attend therapy for a variety of reasons including but not limited to:

• Personal Growth: Many people seek help in therapy to develop self awareness and self reflective capacity. Self reflective capacity is the ability to examine, analyze and evaluate your thoughts, feelings and behavior.  This includes the capacity to reflect on your inner emotional and psychological world to understand the ways you feel, think and behave. This allows you to make changes in the way you see yourself and how you interact with others (see my article: The Growth Mindset vs the Fixed Mindset).

Going to Therapy For Personal Growth

• A Negative Mood on Most Days: Many people, who experience anxiety and/or depression or who feel unmotivated or overwhelmed by their emotions, seek help in therapy to overcome these problems (see my article: What is the Connection Between Anxiety and Depression?).

• Major Life Changes: Major life changes can exciting. They can also be confusing, anxiety-inducing and overwhelming. People who have difficulty coping with major changes and want strategies to make life transitions easier seek help in therapy (see my articles: Coping With Major Changes in Your Life and Coping With Midlife Transitions).

• Unresolved Trauma: Unresolved trauma often has a negative impact on day-to-day interactions with loved ones or colleagues. Getting help in trauma therapy can help to overcome trauma. Note: Trauma can be a one-time event or it can occur over time such as unresolved childhood abuse or neglect.

                      See my articles:

• What is Childhood Emotional Neglect?

• How Trauma Therapy Can Help You to Overcome Trauma

Going to Therapy to Overcome Trauma

• Relationship Issues: People who seek individual therapy or couples therapy to work on relationship issues often find they benefit from therapy and they have more fulfilling relationships. Also, some couples want to work on having an amicable separation or divorce or help on how to co-parent in a healthy way ,

• See my article: What is EFT Therapy For Couples Therapy?

Going to Therapy For Relationship Problems

• Low Self Esteem: Problems with low self esteem can have a negative impact on all areas of life. People who attend therapy can develop a healthy sense of self (see my article: What is Low Self Esteem?).

• Sexual Problems: Individual clients and people in relationships benefit from seeking help in sex therapy to overcome sexual problems.

                See my articles: 

• What is Sex Therapy? and What Are Common Issues Discussed in Sex Therapy?

• Family Problems: One of the most common reasons why people seek help in therapy is to deal with past or current family issues (see my article: Healing Mother-Daughter Relationships).

• Grief: Even though grief is a common experience for everyone at some point, grief can be overwhelming especially if people don't know how to grieve or they experience complicated grief.

Going to Therapy For Grief Work

• Career or Work-Related Problems: Work relationships can be similar to a dysfunctional family. Many therapy clients benefit from developing an ability to deal with difficult work relationships, changes at work or career transitions (see my articles: Coping With a Difficult Boss and Balancing Your Personal Life and Your Career).

Going to Therapy For Work-Life Balance

• Problems with Managing Emotions: Many people, who never learned the skills involved with managing emotions, benefit from learning these skills in therapy (see my article: Developing Skills to Manage Your Emotions in Experiential Therapy).

Going to Therapy to Manage Emotions

• Problems Managing Stress: Everyone experiences stress. However, people who feel overwhelmed by stress and who might not have the skills to manage their stress can benefit from seeking help in therapy to develop these skils (see my article: Stress Management: Are You Experiencing Chronic Stress and Unaware of It?).

Common Misconceptions About Therapy

Generally, people are better informed about psychotherapy than in the past, but there is still a stigma among people who don't understand therapy.

I have included links below for the most common misconceptions about therapy:

Common Myths About Therapy: Going to Therapy Means You're "Weak"

Therapy is All Talk and No Action

Common Misconceptions About Sex Therapy

Getting Help in Therapy

People seek help in therapy for many different reasons.

Getting Help in Therapy

Whether you're considering therapy for your personal growth or you have problems you have been unable to cope with on your own, you could benefit from working with a skilled psychotherapist.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

With over 20 years of experience, I have helped many individual adults and couples (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How to Cope With News Anxiety

Do you feel overwhelmed by the news? (see my article: Living With Uncertainty).

Coping With News Anxiety

If you do, you're not alone. 

I'm hearing about news anxiety from almost everyone I know who is anxious about what they're hearing on the news (see my article:  Self Care During Turbulent Times).

How News Anxiety Can Affect You

News anxiety can affect your mental health in many ways including:

• Feeling frustrated, powerless and helpless
• Having sleep problem (see my article: Tips to Improve Your Sleep)
• Feeling depressed
• Feeling anxious
  
• Anxiety-related health problems
• Over or under-eating
• Other anxiety-related symptoms

How to Cope With News Anxiety

• Make Self Care a Priority: It's important to have self care routines including:
• Meditation
  
• Listening to music
• Doing a breathing exercise

Make Self Care a Priority

• Taking a relaxing bath
• Reading or listening to a book you like
• Enjoying your favorite movie, podcast or TV program
• Engaging in hobbies you enjoy

Staying Physically Active

• Staying physically active
• Eating nutritious meals
• Getting good sleep
• Walking in nature (see my article: Walking in Nature Can Improve Your Mood)

• Choose a Reliable Source of Information: Use good judgment when you're selecting your news source. Choose a news source which is known to be reliable. Don't rely solely on social media because there's a lot of misinformation on social media.

• Limit the Time You Watch or Listen to the News: It's important to be well informed, but that doesn't mean listening or watching the news for hours. In many cases, the same news is being rebroadcast over and over again. That means that you're watching or listening to the same disturbing information multiple times and possibly seeing the same disturbing images. 

• Avoid Doomscrolling: Don't spend a lot of time scrolling negative posts on social media. 

Put Your Phone Away at Night to Get Better Sleep

• Turn Your Phone Off and Put It Away at Night: Have a wind down routine before going to sleep. Scrolling on your phone, texting or reading or listening to the news at night when you need to relax can make you anxious and keep you up. Turn off your phone and put it away so you can get the rest you need.

• Try to Find Positive News Story: While it's true that there's lots of bad news, there are also positive stories. Try to find positive and inspiring stories so you don't feel like everything is doomed.

• Maintain Positive Social Connections: It's easy to feel alone and overwhelmed by the news, so it's important to stay connected with friends and loved ones. If you can't see them in person, give them a call or meet online.  

Maintain Positive Social Connections

• Get Involved to Feel Empowered and Make a Difference: There are many positive advocacy and social justice organizations where you can donate your time and money. Find the ones you like and find out what they're doing to overcome problems. When you get involved, you're can make a difference. When you feel you're making a difference, you're less likely to feel helpless and hopeless. You will also be around other like-minded people so you won't feel alone.

Get Involved to Feel Empowered

• Be Aware That the News Might Be Triggering Unresolved Trauma: If you have unresolved trauma, listening to disturbing news can not only increase your anxiety--it can also trigger unresolved trauma. This can increase feelings of anxiety, hopelessness and helplessness. If this is happening to you, you could benefit from working with a trauma therapist to resolve your trauma so it no longer gets triggered (see my article: How Does Trauma Therapy Work?).

Getting Help in Therapy

News anxiety can have a negative impact on your mental health including triggering unresolved trauma. 

Get Help in Therapy

If unresolved trauma is getting triggered, you could benefit from working with a trauma therapist.

        See my article: How Trauma Therapy Can Help You Overcome Unresolved Trauma

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who has the training and expertise to help you to overcome unresolved trauma so you can lead a more fulfilling life free of your trauma.

Also see my article: Strategies For Coping With Post-Election Stress

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

As a trauma therapist with over 20 years of expertise, I have helped many clients to overcome trauma (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.