Recognizing the Signs When You're Under Too Much Stress

It might seem unusual to pose the question of how to know when you're under too much stress. After all, many people instantly recognize the symptoms and frequently complain about feeling frazzled.

However, as a licensed NYC psychotherapist with over 25 years of experience, I often see clients who are completely unaware of how severe their stress levels have become.

Chronic stress often hides behind a mask of daily busyness until our bodies force us to stop and rest

Why Don't People Realize They are Experiencing Chronic Stress?

People who have endured acute stress or developmental trauma during childhood often do not recognize when their adult stress levels are too high. Because they became accustomed to a baseline of survival and chaos early in life, an elevated stress response feels entirely "normal" to them.

They don't recognize it as an unhealthy or dangerous state. However, enduring acute stress on a long-term basis can have severe negative medical and psychological consequences. Chronic stress has a way of quietly creeping up on you, gradually wearing down your nervous system without you even realizing it.

The Physical Warning Signs of High Stress Levels

One of the most effective ways to identify an unhealthy level of chronic stress is to observe your somatic responses. When you are emotionally overwhelmed, your body will often send out warning signals before your mind consciously registers the anxiety.

• Sleep and Energy Disruptions: Experiencing persistent insomnia, frequent nightmares, feeling tired most of the time, and experiencing low energy even after resting.
• Tension and Physical Pain: Chronic muscle tension, shoulder and back pain, muscle spasms, a clenched jaw, and grinding your teeth at night (bruxism).
• Gastrointestinal and Cardiovascular Distress: An upset stomach, nausea, constipation, diarrhea, or flares of Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). You may also notice a rapid heartbeat, high blood pressure, difficulty breathing, or chest pain.
• Nervous Habits: Fidgeting, pacing back and forth, nail-biting, dry mouth, difficulty swallowing, or cold, sweaty hands and feet.

• Changes in Intimacy: A noticeably low libido and sudden problems with sexual performance.

The Psychological and Emotional Symptoms of Overwhelm

When stress exhausts your cognitive and emotional reserves, it fundamentally alters how you think, feel, and interact with the world around you.

• Mood Dysregulation: Feeling persistently agitated, frustrated, moody, losing your temper easily, and snapping at loved ones.
• Cognitive Fatigue: Experiencing racing thoughts, persistent worrying, being exceptionally forgetful, and having severe problems focusing on daily tasks.
• Social Isolation: Finding it difficult to relax or quiet the mind, isolating and avoiding others, and feeling less pleasure in socializing or engaging in hobbies you once loved.
• Emotional Vulnerability: Feeling easily overwhelmed, hopeless, helpless, pessimistic, or experiencing a dip into low self-esteem and depression.
• Maladaptive Coping: Relying on or abusing alcohol or drugs to artificially numb the nervous system.

Note: Many of these physical and psychological signs can also involve underlying medical conditions. When in doubt, it is essential to check with your primary care medical doctor to rule out organic causes.

Holistic Lifestyle Changes for Sustainable Stress Management

If you are recognizing these warning signs in your own life, there are proactive lifestyle modifications you can implement immediately to regulate your nervous system.

To explore specific self-care and mindfulness tools, you can read my comprehensive guides on Stress Management: Taking Time For Self Care and Managing Your Stress: Workplace Burnout. 

Dedicating time to Self Reflection and Basic Mindfulness can help you reconnect with your body's signals before they turn into chronic pain.

When you feel an acute spike in anxiety, utilizing somatic techniques like Square Breathing can instantly soothe your nervous system. 

Additionally, examining the Mind-Body Connection: Can Yoga Improve Your Mood?.  

Also, using therapeutic tools like Journal Writing to Relieve Stress and Anxiety are proven strategies to release trapped emotional tension.

When to Seek Professional Psychotherapy in NYC

A certain amount of healthy stress is a natural part of living. However, if your medical doctor has ruled out underlying physical issues and you have tried making healthy lifestyle adjustments but still feel entirely consumed by overwhelm, you could benefit deeply from professional clinical support.

A skilled mental health professional can help you uncover the root causes of your stress response. If you are ready to explore your options, you can read my advice on The Benefits of Attending Psychotherapy and How to Choose a Psychotherapist. 

Embracing specialized therapeutic support can make all the difference in restoring your peace of mind and overall quality of life.

About Josephine Ferraro, LCSW

 I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and specialist in EMDR, AEDP, IFS, Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples and Somatic Experiencing. 

With over 25 years of experience, I help individual adults and couples get to the root of chronic stress, anxiety, and trauma to restore long-term well-being.

I offer a complimentary 15 phone call before setting up an appointment.

Connect With Me:

• Website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist
• Phone: 📞 9177422624 (Tap to Call)
• Email: ✉️  josephineferraro@iCloud.com
• Location: Greenwich Village, New York 10011

The Traumatic Impact of Verbal Abuse on Self Esteem

In a prior article I began a discussion about verbal abuse (see my article: The Connection Between "Tough Love" and Verbal Abuse).

The Traumatic Impact of Verbal Abuse on Self Esteem 

In the current article I'm focusing on how verbal abuse can affect self esteem.

How Does Verbal Abuse Affect Self Esteem?

When children experience verbal abuse, the abuse can have long lasting effects on their self esteem.

Clinical Vignettes

The following vignettes, which are composites of many cases, illustrates how verbal abuse can have long lasting effects and how trauma therapy can help:

John

As the youngest child, John grew up in a household where his father yelled and criticized him while his mother, who was intimidated by the father, stood by passively and did nothing. His older siblings would also join in the criticism by bullying John. He grew up feeling that he couldn't do anything right. His self esteem was so low that, even though he was intelligent, he was fearful of raising his hand in class to answer the teachers' questions. He only had one friend who also came from a household where he was verbally abused. 

The Traumatic Impact of Verbal Abuse on Self Esteem

By the time John got to college, he spent most of his time alone until he met Peggy in English class. She was friendly and outgoing and she asked John out on a date. They dated throughout college and both of them planned to move to New York City when they graduated. By then, John's confidence was so low that he was afraid to apply for jobs, so Peggy encouraged him to get help in therapy. 

After he began seeing a trauma therapist, John learned how his father's verbal abuse affected how he felt about himself. His therapist helped John by using EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to help him to overcome the traumatic effects of the childhood verbal abuse.

Nina

Nina was an only child with a single alcoholic mother. She learned to take care of herself at an unusually young age because she couldn't rely on her mother, who was often drunk and passed out. When her mother woke up with a hangover, she would be angry and hostile towards Nina. She would call her names and tell her she wished Nina had never been born. 

The Traumatic Impact of Verbal Abuse on Self Esteem

After one of her teachers suspected that Nina was being abused, she called the Administration For Children's Services Child Protective Services and Nina was eventually placed in kinship foster care with a maternal aunt who lived nearby. 

Although her aunt was much more nurturing, the impact of the mother's verbal abuse had already had a devastating effect on Nina. Even though she was no longer around her mother, Nina had internalized her mother's verbal abuse to such an extent that she was now criticizing herself silently by repeating in her mind, "I'm so stupid" or "I'm no good." 

By the time she was 18, her self esteem was so slow that she told aunt she didn't want to go to college. So, her aunt found Nina a trauma therapist who did AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy) to help Nina overcome the impact of her mother's neglect and verbal abuse. After working in trauma therapy, Nina felt more confident and she applied to several colleges. 

Tom

By the time Tom was 35 years old, he had been living an lonely and isolated life for all his life. Growing up as the youngest child, he watched his parents argue constantly and his father frequently left the household for extended periods of time without saying when he would come back. Tom and his older brothers spent most of their time isolated in their own rooms. 

Eventually his older brothers moved out without a word, so Tom was left alone with his combative parents. He tried to stay out of their way, but they would often turn their anger on him by yelling at him and criticizing almost everything he did. As a result, Tom grew up with a lot of shame and low self esteem.  

The Traumatic Impact of Verbal Abuse on Self Esteem

In his mid-30s, he knew he needed to get help in therapy because he was suffering with anxiety and depression, and his self esteem was so low that he lacked the confidence to meet women. So, he sought help from a trauma therapist who did Parts Work Therapy and he began to recover from the impact of his childhood trauma.

Conclusion

The negative impact of verbal abuse experienced in childhood often endures throughout adulthood.

Even though verbal aggression tends to be minimized in our culture, verbal abuse can be just as traumatic as physical or sexual abuse.

The vignettes presented above are just some of the possible ways verbal abuse can be traumatizing. 

Often, adults don't connect their low self esteem, depression or anxiety to their childhood history.  Instead, they might blame themselves or believe they are "not good enough" or they are "unlovable" without ever making the connection to their history or realizing they can get help in trauma therapy.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

If you have been struggling with low self esteem as a result of unresolved trauma, you can get help in trauma therapy.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

A skilled trauma therapist can help you to overcome harmful effects of unresolved trauma so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 20 years of experiencing helping individual adults and couples (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Self Confidence: Feeling Confident Enough to Choose a Healthy Relationship

In my prior article, What Are Green Flags in Healthy Relationships?, I discussed the positive qualities to look for in a person when you want to be in a healthy relationship. Aside from the qualities you might want in the other person, you also need to have a strong sense of your own self worth (see my articles: What is Low Self Esteem?  and Overcoming Self Doubt That Keeps You Stuck).

Making Healthy Relationship Choices

Needless to say, no one chooses to have low self esteem, but early unresolved trauma can leave you feeling unworthy and vulnerable as an adult to making poor relationship choices (see my articles:  How Trauma Affects Relationships and Emotionally Unhealthy Relationships: Bad Luck or Poor Choices?)

Along with a low sense of self worth, unresolved trauma can also affect your attachment style in relationships (see my articles: What is Your Attachment Style?).

What Do Self Confident People Do to Be in a Healthy Relationships?

The following is a list of some of things that confident people do in order to have a healthy relationship:

• Set Healthy Boundaries: Confident people set healthy boundaries with the people in their life, including people they're dating or seeing in a relationship. They understand their own healthy emotional needs, they know what they need in a relationship and they're able to assert their needs in a positive way. They won't compromise away their needs or put up with ongoing bad behavior.  They don't lose themselves in a relationship and they don't abandon parts of themselves to be with someone who isn't treating them well (see my articles: Relationships: Setting Healthy Boundaries, What is Self Abandonment? and Losing Yourself in a Relationship).

• Accept Responsibility For Their Own Emotional Needs: Since they know their needs, they're able to assess if these needs are being met in their relationship.  If, ultimately, the relationship is at a dead end, rather than spending time pressuring, blaming and shaming their partner, they take responsibility for getting their needs met. 

• Accept Responsibility For Their Behavior and Making Necessary Changes: Although they won't compromise what they know is essential to their emotional needs, confident people are emotionally secure enough to take an honest look at their own behavior, make repairs in their relationship, and make positive changes in themselves. They're not threatened when their partner expresses their healthy emotional needs. They're open to listening in an attuned way.

• Remain Confident in Themselves Without Constant Reassurance: Although everyone enjoys hearing words of appreciation, confident people don't need constant reassurance that they're attractive, smart, talented, and so on, because they're secure enough in themselves. They know their self worth and they're not dependent upon other people to keep reassuring them.  

• Feel Comfortable Being Alone: People who have a positive sense of self worth aren't afraid to be alone. They enjoy their own company and the solitude it brings. This doesn't mean that they might not want to be in a relationship with someone special.  Instead, it means they're willing to wait for an emotionally healthy person to come along who can meet their needs rather than being desperate and settling for someone who isn't right for them (see my article: Solitude vs Loneliness).

• Choose Relationships Wisely: Rather than just allowing charm, good looks, status or other superficial qualities to be their guide when they're choosing a mate, confident people use both their heart and their head. They're not in denial or engaged in wishful thinking that clouds their judgement (see my article:  Wishful Thinking Leads to Poor Relationship Choices and 7 Tips So You Don't Rush Into Relationship).

• Get Out of Unhealthy Relationships: No one is infallible when it comes to choosing a relationship, but someone who is confident usually doesn't remain in an unhealthy relationship. Rather than wasting a lot of time trying to change their partner, once it becomes clear that their partner is unwilling or unable to give them what they need, they get out of the relationship. This is sometimes easier said than done, but the point is not to waste time (see my article: How Do You Know If You're in an Unhealthy Relationship? and Should You Stay or Should You Leave Your Relationship?).

Developing a Confident Self

When children grow up in a family where they're loved and affirmed with good enough parenting, they grow up to have a healthy sense of self and a secure attachment style (see my article: What Are the Characteristics of a Healthy Family?).

Attachment research indicates that about 50-60% of people develop a secure attachment style. That leaves 40-50% of people who have an insecure attachment style.

Just because you didn't develop a secure attachment style when you were growing up doesn't mean you're doomed to remain a person who is insecurely attached in relationships.  People, who are lucky enough to be in a relationship with loving person who has a secure attachment style, have a possibility of developing an earned secure attachment. 

For other people who are not so fortunate or where a relationship with a person who has secure attachment makes no difference, psychotherapy can help to develop an earned secure attachment style (see my article: Developing a Secure Attachment Style: What is Earned Secure Attachment?).

Getting Help in Therapy

Working through unresolved trauma can help you to feel more confident and deserving of a healthy relationship.

Part of working through early trauma is working on attachment issues that could be making you feel either insecure or avoidant in terms of how you feel about yourself and your dynamics in a relationship (see my article: The Holding Environment in Psychotherapy).

A skilled trauma therapist can help you develop the tools and skills you need so you can lead a more meaningful life (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Therapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

One of my specialties is helping clients to overcome unresolved trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.