Movies: Discovering a Father's Secret Life After His Death

I recently went to see "Before and After Dinner With Andre", a wonderful documentary about actor and director Andre Gregory, which was made by his wife Cindy Kleine.  Many people will remember Andre Gregory from the film, "My Dinner With Andre".  

One of the themes in Before and After Dinner is that Mr. Gregory discovers information in a book that implicates his late father, a Russian Jew, as a Nazi collaborator.  Mr. Gregory begins a search to discover if his father was leading a secret life.

Movies: Discovering a Father's Secret After His Death

Unraveling the Mystery of a Father's Secret Life
Most of us can only imagine how painful it could be to try to unravel and piece together such a mystery about one's own father, and how many questions this would raise, especially after a father's death when he's no longer around to answer questions.  The film, which will be released in other cities in the US soon, is worth seeing, so I don't want to give it away.

Although most of us will never have to deal with a mystery of this magnitude about our fathers, it's not unusual for questions to arise after a father's death about some aspect of his life, and for adult children to search for answers about his life.

There's also a book that was recently published, After Visiting Friends: A Son's Story, written by Michael Hainey.  I haven't read the book, but it sounds intriguing.  According to the reviews that  I've read, the author was told when he was a child that his father died "after visiting friends," which was a euphemism for a secret aspect of his father's life.  So, Mr. Hainey sets out to discover what really happened to his father.

The Adult Child Must Be Emotionally Prepared to Discover the Father's Secret
I've worked with clients in my psychotherapy practice in NYC who had reason to believe, after their fathers died, that their fathers led secret lives that these clients felt compelled to discover.  

This type of search can become an all-consuming endeavor because of the amount of effort that's often required to find out "the truth."  And, at times, even with an exhaustive search, the results of the search might be ambiguous.  Also, the child, who is now an adult, must be emotionally prepared to learn whatever there might be to discover about his or her deceased father.

In many cases, just knowing that there were possible secrets can be jarring for the adult child, as described by Andre Gregory in the film, Before and After Dinner, to find out that the father you thought you knew while he was alive isn't who you thought he was--or you didn't have the whole story.

Often, this type of search about one's deceased father is not only about trying to discover information about who the father really was, but also an effort to try to understand what this means with regard to the father-child relationship.

This type of search can evoke many different kinds of emotions, including sadness, anger, and feelings of betrayal and abandonment, depending upon the father's secret and why a part of the father's life was kept secret from the child.

It can cause the adult child to wonder about the meaning of a father's secret life and how it might reflect on his or her relationship with the father when the father was alive.

Ultimately, whether an adult child decides to initiate such an investigation about a father is a very personal choice.  There are some people who would rather not know.

In any case, I highly recommend the documentary, "Before and After Dinner", which is both funny and poignant.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.

Fathers and Sons: Coming Out as a Gay Man to Your Father

Coming out to your father as a gay man can be emotionally challenging.  In many families, there's a real risk that you'll be rejected.  I've worked with many gay men of all ages in my psychotherapy practice in NYC who have struggled with this issue.

Fathers and Sons: Coming Out as a Gay Man to Your Father
 

Of course, I've also known both gay men with heterosexual parents who didn't have a problem when they came out to them.  But if you're on the fence about coming out to your father or you've already come out and it has placed a strain on your father-son relationship, you already know how emotionally challenging this can be for both you and your dad.

The following vignette is  a composite of many cases with all identifying information changed to protect confidentiality:

Alan
Alan knew from the time that he was about 12 years old that he was gay.  Growing up in a traditional family in the Midwest, he didn't feel he could talk to his parents or brothers about it and he felt lonely and confused.

Alan felt especially worried about what his father would think if he knew Alan was gay.  His father was a kind man, but he was also conservative in his values.  Alan didn't want to be a disappointment to him.

When he was in his teens, Alan tried dating girls, but he knew he wasn't interested in girls.  He had crushes on boys, but he didn't dare tell his friends.  He didn't know anyone who was gay, so he continued to have a lot of questions about his sexual orientation until he moved to NYC to go to college, and he met other gay young men.

It was such a relief to meet other young men who felt the same way that he did.  He went out on dates, but he was too afraid to get sexually involved with any of the young men he dated.

He kept his gay social activities a secret from his family.  He thought his mother might understand because she tended to be more open minded than his father.  But it was all so new for him that he wasn't comfortable with his sexual orientation himself, so he decided to start therapy.

After we started working together for a few months, Alan began to feel more comfortable as a gay man.  He realized that before he felt more accepting of himself, it would have been hard to come out to his parents.

To make it easier for Alan, we developed a plan where he would start with the person he thought would be the most accepting and easiest to talk to.  Alan chose his younger brother, who tended to be more liberal than the rest of the family.  And his younger brother was encouraging, supportive and happy that Alan came out to him.

One by one, Alan called his brothers and, to his surprise, each one of them told him that, even though they might not understand it, they loved him and wanted him to be happy.

Feeling a little more confident, he spoke to his mother, who told Alan that she had sensed from the time he was a young boy that he might be gay.  She was tearful and told him that she worried about him getting HIV.  Alan told her that he had not been sexual with a man yet, but he assured her that he would be careful.

Then Alan asked his mother how she thought his father would react if he came out to him.  His mother was silent, and then she said she didn't know.  She thought that his father might need time to get used to the idea.  But she thought, ultimately, he would come around.

Until then, Alan's experience of coming out to his family had been mostly positive.  He knew that coming out to his father would be the most challenging part of coming out as a gay man.  Although  his mother never pressured him about it, Alan knew his father wanted him to get married to a woman, have children, and lead a traditional life.

Rather than coming out to his father over the phone, Alan decided to do it in person when he went home for a visit.   Before he went home, Alan had several sessions to talk about his fears about his father rejecting him.  This caused Alan a lot of emotional pain.

Before he went home, Alan purchased a copy of the book, Now That You Know: A Parent's Guide to Understand Your Gay and Lesbian Children, which is written for parents of gay children.  The original plan was for Alan to have the talk with his father on his third day at home. But the day came and went and Alan was too afraid to talk to his father.

So, that night, he wrote his father a letter telling his father how much he loved him and how much he valued their father-son relationship.  He also told him that he was happier than he had ever been now that he could be himself and he hoped his father would understand.

The next day, when they were alone sitting on the porch, Alan handed his father the letter and asked him to read it.  His father hesitated, at first, to open the letter.  Alan's heart was pounding in his chest and his hands were sweating, but he urged his father to read it.  Then, he watched a frown come over his father's face as he read the letter, folded it back up again, and walked away silently into the garden.

Alan continued to sit on the porch.  He felt numb and frozen in place.  He didn't know how to interpret his father's reaction.  He was afraid his worst fears had come true and that his father was upset.  He watched the sun go down, and continued to sit in the same spot until early evening.  When it was time for dinner, Alan's mother told Alan and his brothers that their father wasn't feeling well and he wouldn't be coming down to dinner.  Alan felt tears stinging in his eyes, and he decided he would pack his things after dinner and leave a few days early.

As he was packing that evening, he heard a knock on the door.  When he opened the door, he saw his father standing there, eyes averted, looking at the floor.  Alan didn't know what to expect, but he let his father in.  They sat together on Alan's bed, silently, for what seemed like a long time.  Then, his father spoke in a hoarse voice and said, "I don't understand it.  I'm going to need time, but you're my son and I'll always love you."  He reached over and gave Alan a big hug.  Then, he left before Alan could respond.

Alan left the book for his father to read.  He continued to work in therapy on his coming out process. He realized that it had taken him a while to feel comfortable with being gay, so he knew it would be a process for his father too.

Getting Help in Therapy
The coming out process is different for everyone.  If you're struggling with your own feelings as well as your fears about how your family will react, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional who has expertise in this area.  It could make all the difference in your process.  I've included resources below for gay organizations.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist and EMDR therapist.  I work with individual adults and couples, and one of my specialties is working with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer clients.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist 

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Resources
LGBT Center - NYC
Gay and Lesbian National Help Center - Hotline
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays

Looking Back on Your Relationship With Your Dad Now That You're a Father

How many times did you hear these words from your father, "You'll understand after you have children"? At the time when your father told you this, you probably felt annoyed and frustrated with him.  But now that you have your own children, you might have a different perspective.

Looking Back on Your Relationship With Your Dad Now That You're a Father

Looking Back on Your Relationship With Your Father
Although it may be hard to admit, looking back on things our parents said to us when we were growing up that was annoying to us back then often makes a lot of sense now.  This is often especially true after you have your own children.  Since I'm focusing on a series of blog articles about fathers, my focus will be on fathers and sons in this article but, of course, women can relate to this too.

When boys become teenagers it's common for them to have a contentious relationship with their fathers.  Being neither a young child nor an adult, being a teenager can be confusing and frustrating for the teenage boy as well as his father.  It can be a time when the father-son relationship becomes strained.

Often, after men get married and have their own children, they gain a new perspective about what it means to be a father.  And, the same men who rebelled against their fathers when they were teens often come to have a new appreciation for the complexities of fatherhood.  They usually develop more of a sense of compassion for their fathers than they had when they were younger.

The following vignette is a composite of many different cases with all identifying information changed to protect confidentiality:

John
When John was a young child, he and his father had a close relationship.  But when he became 15, his relationship with his father became strained.

John wanted to stay out late with his friends, but his father gave him a curfew of 10 PM, which John resented.  He had other friends whose parents allowed them to stay out later than 11 PM, and John felt resentful towards his father.

From John's perspective, his father was treating him like a baby.  He couldn't wait to be old enough to leave home and go to college.  His father would usually tell him, "You'll understand after you have children of your own."   Whenever John heard this, he would roll his eyes.

When John Was 15, He Often Felt Annoyed With His Father

Years later, when John and his wife had their own teenage son, John realized why his father was so worried about him when he went out.  John's son, Joe, also wanted to stay out late with his friends when he was 15.

But, now that he was a parent, John was very aware of all of the dangers that were out there that his son brushed off.  He also knew what it was like to be 15 and to feel hemmed in by your father.  On the one hand, he wanted his son to have a good time and not resent him.  On the other hand, he knew Joe lacked the maturity to make good decisions for himself and there was reason to be concerned about his safety.

John gave Joe a curfew knowing that Joe would resent it and that, possibly, Joe would rebel against it.  But John knew that, in the long run, he was doing what was best for his son, even though Joe couldn't appreciate it at the time.

Having to deal with these issues with his own teenage son, John now had a new perspective and appreciation for what it was like for his father back when John was a teen.  He felt a new sense of compassion and love for his father.  He realized now that his father was setting limits for him because he loved him and not because he wanted to be mean, which is what John thought when he was a teenager.

Looking back on his relationship with his father, John realized that many of the things he didn't understand with regard to his father's decisions were much clearer to him now that he had to face many of the same decisions.  So, the next time he called his father, John told him, "I hate to admit it, dad, but you were right.  Now that I have my own son, I understand what you went through as a father."

Being able to talk to his father as one father to another made John feel closer to his father than he had ever experienced before.  From then on, he sought advice from his father about raising children because he realized now his father really was a loving dad.  And, he was glad his father didn't just allow him to do whatever he wanted to do like his friends' fathers.  He could look back now and appreciate that.

Looking Back on Your Relationship With Your Father With a New Understanding
With maturity and life experience, sons often look back on their relationships with their fathers with a new sense of gratitude and compassion.  Going through this process can bring you and your father closer together.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To  set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also see:  Fathers and Sons: Improving Your Relationship With Your Dad

Fathers and Sons: Improving Your Relationship with Your Dad

In an earlier blog article, I wrote about relationships between mothers and daughters.  In this blog article and in a series of upcoming articles, I'll be focusing on fathers, including many psychotherapy clients' desire to improve their relationship with their father. 

More Men Are Coming to Therapy Now Than in Years Past

There was a time when most clients in my psychotherapy private practice in NYC were women.  Things have changed, and men represent about half of the clients in my practice.  

Improving Your Relationship With Your Father

Of course, men come in for many different reasons, including problems in their relationship or career.  Many men come in because they want to improve their relationship with their dad.  For other men, this issue might not have started as the presenting problem, but it will emerge as an underlying problem, often with men who are having problems with self esteem.

Fathers and Sons: Improving Your Relationship With Your Dad

My experience has been that, generally, people tend to come to therapy after a problem has been brewing for a while and their attempts to try to deal with it themselves haven't worked.  This also applies to men who have problems in their relationship with their father under a variety of circumstances.

Wanting to Improve Your Relationship With Your Father, But Not Knowing How

Even in circumstances where the father-son relationship is strained, generally, clients usually say that they would like to improve the relationship, but they don't know how.  Often, their prior efforts to improve the relationship haven't worked out.

A Vignette About a Father-Son Relationship

It isn't possible to address every permutation of problems between fathers and sons, but I'll address one particular problem that I often encounter with psychotherapy clients in the following fictionalized vignette, which represents a composite of many different psychotherapy cases with all identifying information changed to protect confidentiality.

Joe

Joe, who was in his mid-30s, came to therapy because he was having problems with self esteem.  He also had a history of having problems with male bosses, which created problems for him in his career.

When he began therapy, his problems with self esteem created problems for him in his two year relationship with his girlfriend, Alice.  Although he knew there was no objective reason for feeling the way he did, he still struggled with his feelings that Alice would eventually leave him for another man.  

Despite Alice's reassurance that she loved him and she didn't want to be with anyone else, Joe couldn't shake this feeling.  He knew his feelings of insecurity were creating tension in his relationship and that they might bring about what he most feared--the demise of his relationship.

With regard to his career as a sales representative, Joe was successful and he was well liked by his colleagues and his clients.  His boss often praised him for his work, but Joe had a particular problem with his boss:  He had problems accepting constructive criticism.  His initial reaction was to tense up and become defensive. 

Later on, Joe often realized that his boss had a point, and his comments were meant to help Joe, not to hurt him.  But, try as he might, Joe couldn't overcome his feelings  of insecurity and his initial reaction to become defensive.  He knew that, in the long run, this would be a problem if he wanted to move ahead in his career.

Joe's family history was that he was the older of two sons.  His mom stayed at home to raise Joe and his brother and, later on, when Joe was in his teens, she worked as a real estate agent.  Joe's father had his own construction business.

Joe's mother was the more nurturing parent.  Joe described his father as being a man of few words.  He wasn't outwardly demonstrative with his affection.  He was more likely to show his affection by spending time with his sons shooting hoops in the backyard or showing them how to fix things around the house.

Joe remembered that, as a child, even though he always wanted to please his father, he felt like he continually disappointed his father.  His father loved all kinds of sports, but Joe had little interest in sports.  He played hoops in the backyard with his father and brother and joined the Little League to please his father.  

Joe remembered many afternoons where the family drove home in stony silence after a Little League game where Joe missed every pitch in the game.  Joe could feel his father's disappointment, and he felt deeply ashamed.  

It was even more embarrassing for Joe because his younger brother was such a good athlete and loved playing all kinds of sports.  Joe's father and brother bonded over sports, and it was painful to Joe because he felt like such a disappointment to his father.  He wanted desperately to bond with his father the way his brother did, but he didn't know how.

The situation got worse when Joe was in his teens.  At the time, Joe and his brother would often help their father in his construction business.  Whereas his brother really enjoyed learning about the business, Joe wanted to be helpful, but he was bored.  His father assumed that both sons would join him in the business after they graduated college.   Joe didn't know how to tell his father that he had no desire to become part of the family business.

After Joe graduated college, he spoke to his mother about wanting to strike out on his own rather than  becoming part of his father's business.  His mother was understanding and she encouraged Joe to talk to his father about it.  But Joe couldn't face seeing his father's disappointment, so he asked his mother to talk to his father about it.  

After his mother talked to the father, Joe's relationship with his father became even more strained.  He could see that his father was deeply hurt.  The business was passed on from Joe's paternal grandfather and Joe's father was disappointed that Joe, as his older son, wouldn't be a part of it.  Joe and his father never talked about it directly.  

By the time Joe came to therapy, his relationship with his father was strained and awkward.  Joe dreaded going home to visit his parents.  He attended the obligatory family holidays, but he would leave soon after dinner. He and his father barely spoke or even made eye contact, which was painful for Joe and he was sure it was painful for his father too.  He wanted to be able to talk to his father, but  he just didn't know how.

It was clear to both Joe and I that his problems with his girlfriend and the problems he had at work accepting constructive criticism were linked to his history with his father.  Using a combination of clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing, Joe was able to remember a time in his life when he and his father had a better relationship when Joe was about four or five.  

Memories of that time were very poignant for Joe, and being able to access the positive feelings he felt for his father allowed him to write his father a heartfelt letter about how much he loved him and wanted them to have a better father-son relationship.  

To his Joe's amazement, his father was very moved by Joe's letter and told him so.  This began a long process of Joe and his father opening up to each and getting closer.  It wasn't easy to overcome years of tension.  And Joe's father was especially awkward talking about his feelings, but they began the process of repairing their relationship.

As Joe's relationship with his father improved and he began to realize how much his father loved him,  his self esteem improved.  He felt less insecure in his relationships with his girlfriend and his boss.  His only regret was that he wasn't able to improve his relationship with his father sooner.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you're struggling with your relationship with your father, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who has experience working with these issues.  Many people don't realize that problems they're struggling with now originate in their early relationships.  Rather than continuing to struggle with these feelings, your life could be so much more fulfilling if you got help.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Trying to Understand Your Father

Historically, psychological theories have placed a lot of emphasis on the relationship between the mother and the child.  This is understandable due to the important role that the mother has from the time the child is in utero, through the formative years of emotional development, and throughout the course of life.  But, in my opinion, until recently,  there has been relatively little attention paid to the role of the father.  

Trying to Understand Your Father

Despite the relative lack of attention to fathers in psychological theory, psychotherapy clients have been coming to therapy to try to understand their fathers for as long as people have been coming to therapy.  So, in my opinion, this is an important topic for many people, and I will be discussing this issue over the course of several blog articles.

Trying to Understand Your Father
Over the years, many clients that I've seen in my psychotherapy private practice in NYC come to therapy because they have unresolved emotional issues about their father.

In many cases, as adults, these clients are trying to develop a better understanding of their father.  In some cases, their father is still alive and they're trying to develop a better relationship with their father.  In other instances, their father is deceased and they're trying to understand who their father was to them and who he was out in the world with others.

Trying to Understand Your Father

In other cases, clients never knew their father at all because he wasn't around when they were growing up.  In some instances, the father was physically present but he was emotionally remote.

Other clients were raised by a single mother and the father was in and out of their lives.  Or, in some cases, the man they thought was their father was not their father, and these clients are shocked to discover this later in life.  Often, these clients don't find out about this family secret until their fathers are deceased and they regret that they have lost the opportunity to have a relationship with the father while he was alive.

As Men Become Fathers, They Often Face Unresolved Emotional Issues About Their Father
For many men, who are now fathers themselves or who are about to become fathers, emotional issues about their own fathers come up.   Some of these issues might not have seemed important before.  But now that they are at the stage of their lives when they are fathers, unresolved emotional issues about their own father are now important.

Unresolved Emotional Issues With a Father

For instance, if they grew up with a father, they might have feelings about who their father was to them and whether they want to be like their father with their own children.  Or, if they never grew up with a father, they might be particularly aware of wanting to spend time with their children because they know what it's like to miss having a father.

When we consider all the possibilities that are involved with father-child relationships, we begin to see the complexity of this topic.  There are so many different types of father-child relationships, including heterosexual and gay fathers and children.

Getting Help in Therapy
Many people want to understand and improve their relationship with one or both parents, but they feel stuck and don't know how to overcome this problem.

If you need to help to work through your problems with one or both of your parents, you could benefit from seeing a licensed mental health professional who has expertise in this area.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

I've helped many men and women to work through emotional issues about their father.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also see articles: 
Fathers and Sons: Improving Your Relationship With Your Dad
Looking Back on Your Relationship With Your Dad Now That You're a Dad
Fathers and Daughters: Daddy's "Little Girl" Is All Grown Up Now

The Challenges Many Gay Men Face at Midlife

Steven Petrow wrote an article for the New York Times in which he gives advice to gay men in midlife who feel "invisible" in the gay male community (see link below).

As a psychotherapist in NYC, who specializes in working with the LGBT community, I've heard many older gay men talk about the social isolation they feel in the gay male community because they say there is such an emphasis on being young in that community and, as older men, they feel like outcasts.

Add to this that older gay men have often lost many friends and lovers to AIDS and you can begin to understand the challenges that they face.

The Challenges Many Gay Men Face in Midlife

Older Lesbians, in General, Tend to Have More of a Social Network
As compared to older gay men, older lesbians, in general, tend to have more of a social network because there isn't such an emphasis on being young, and lesbians aren't as affected by AIDS as gay men.

I would be interested to hear from older gay men, who have experienced this type of social isolation, especially with regard to any useful strategies you would recommend for your peers.

I've included resource links below.

A Gay Man at Midlife Ponders Being Lonely and "Invisible" - by Steven Petrow - New York Times

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist
.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.

Resources:
Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender Center - NYC

National Gay and Lesbian Task Force

Journal Writing Can Help Relieve Stress and Anxiety

Many people find that writing about their thoughts and emotions in a journal helps them relieve stress and anxiety.    Why is this?

Journal Writing Can Help You to Organize Your Thoughts and Balance Your Emotions
When you're under a lot of stress or experiencing anxiety, you can feel overwhelmed by the thoughts and emotions that you might be experiencing.

Journal Writing to Relieve Stress and Anxiety

Journal writing can help you to organize your thoughts and balance your emotions.  Rather than feeling overwhelmed and, possibly, confused, you can capture these feelings in writing and, as you do, the act of writing them down can help you organize your experience.

Journal Writing Can Help You to See the Meaning in Your Experiences
Often, when you write about your experiences in a journal, you begin to recognize that these experiences have meaning for you.  Rather than seeing them as just random experiences, you can begin to understand what meaning they have for you in your life.

When you can see the meaning of a particular experience, even if it's a painful experience, you might begin to understand it's significance in the context of your life.

For instance, if you're recovering from an illness that was particularly challenging for you, by writing about it in your journal, you might recognize that going through this experience helped you to realize how precious life.  It can help you to reflect on how you've been living your life, what you want to do with the rest of your life, and who you want in your life.

Journal Writing Can Help You to Make Connections
When you organize your thoughts in writing and you begin to see the meaning of your experiences in the context of your life, it can help you to make connections to other current and past experiences.

The act of writing down your thoughts can help you to see patterns that you engage in that you might not have recognized before.

For instance, if you're writing down your feelings about an argument you had with your significant other, as you think about what happened and how you reacted, you might recognize that your tendency is to withdraw emotionally for days at a time after one of these arguments. This insight can help you to see how this reaction is affecting you and your relationship.  It can also help you to decide if you want to change your behavior.

Journal Writing Can Help You to Talk About Something That's Upsetting You
Organizing your thoughts in writing, giving meaning to your experience, and making important connections can help you to talk about what's bothering you.  It can give you the clarity you need to have an important talk with a loved one.

Journal Writing is Low Cost
All you need is a notebook and a pen or, if you choose to keep your journal online, a secure and private site.

The type of journal you use is a personal choice.   Sometimes, a regular notebook or loose leaf book that's not too fancy is best.  Sometimes, when people buy beautiful journals, the beauty of the journal can make it feel too "precious."  They feel that they can only write "important" thoughts rather than just letting themselves write freely.

Some people like to carry a small notebook around with them to jot down their feelings.  Other people prefer a larger book with unlined pages so they can include artwork like drawings or clippings.  The most important thing is that the journal is private so you feel free to write whatever you want.

Journal Writing Between Therapy Sessions
I often recommend journal writing to therapy clients as a way to capture their feelings between therapy sessions.  A lot can come up between sessions and it's easy to forget if you don't write it down.  Writing in a journal between sessions can also help you to reflect on whatever came up in the therapy session as well as how your thoughts and feelings evolve over time.

A Word About Timing
When considering whether to write about a traumatic event, some people find that it's best for them to wait until a little time has passed before they capture their thoughts in writing because they're not ready to face their emotions about the trauma.

Other people find it helps them to write about the traumatic event soon after it happens.  There's no right or wrong about when you write.  You'll discover what's best for you.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or send me an email.

Also see my article: Writing Down the Milestones of Your Life