The Power of Storytelling

Storytelling has become a popular activity at many venues in New York City as well as around the world. Not only is it popular, it's also a powerful form of communication since ancient times, and there are many psychological benefits to telling and listening to stories.

The Power of Storytelling

The Psychological Benefits of Storytelling

• We are hardwired for storytelling.  We tend to think in terms of stories, and it's how we make meaning of our lives. 

• Listening to a story engages the imagination, and the brain processes the images and emotional experiences related to the story in the same way as it processes "real life" lived experiences.

• Whether the stories are about ancient myths, archetypes, relationships, overcoming adversity, or personal transformation, to name only a few storytelling topics, storytelling has a psychologically integrative function for the individual telling the story as well as for the listener.  

• Storytelling engages on an emotional level in a collaborative way as the storyteller makes him/herself emotionally vulnerable by telling a personally meaningful story. As the audience listens to the story, they often open up in an empathetic way to the storyteller and the story. 

• In developing and narrating the story, the storyteller discovers psychological connections from the past to the present and from one part of the self to other aspects of the self. 

• Storytelling helps to connect us in universal ways as the listener identifies with the storyteller and discovers aspects of him/herself in the story.  A personally meaningful story often transcends the boundaries of race, gender, age and other identities that often divide people.

• From an early age, most people are raised on stories. Young children love stories and they will often ask to hear the same story over and over again because it's soothing. Adults also find stories to be emotionally engaging.  There is also something soothing about anticipating and experiencing the structure of a story with a beginning, middle and an end. The audience anticipates that there will be an arc to the story with a resolution at the end, which is so comforting and satisfying to the mind.

Storytelling and the Moth

The Moth, a nonprofit group based in New York City, was founded in 1997 and it's dedicated to the art and craft of storytelling.  Currently, the Moth hosts storytelling events all over the United States and the world.  

The poet and novelist, George Dawes Green, and the original Moth storytellers wanted to recreate the atmosphere of telling and listening to stories on the porch where moths buzzed around in the evening light.  They began by calling themselves "the moths" and the organization has grown substantially from its origins more than 20 years ago.

In 2009, the Moth began a popular and critically acclaimed podcast and established a national public radio show. 

Since its inception, thousands of people have told their personal stories at the Moth all over the world.

There is an energetic flow between the storytellers and the audience, and this, in itself, is transformative for both the storyteller and the audience.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

*Disclaimer: I am not on the faculty of the Magnet and I receive no compensation or benefit of any kind from them for mentioning them in this article.

Journal Writing Can Help Relieve Stress and Anxiety

Many people find that writing about their thoughts and emotions in a journal helps them relieve stress and anxiety.    Why is this?

Journal Writing Can Help You to Organize Your Thoughts and Balance Your Emotions
When you're under a lot of stress or experiencing anxiety, you can feel overwhelmed by the thoughts and emotions that you might be experiencing.

Journal Writing to Relieve Stress and Anxiety

Journal writing can help you to organize your thoughts and balance your emotions.  Rather than feeling overwhelmed and, possibly, confused, you can capture these feelings in writing and, as you do, the act of writing them down can help you organize your experience.

Journal Writing Can Help You to See the Meaning in Your Experiences
Often, when you write about your experiences in a journal, you begin to recognize that these experiences have meaning for you.  Rather than seeing them as just random experiences, you can begin to understand what meaning they have for you in your life.

When you can see the meaning of a particular experience, even if it's a painful experience, you might begin to understand it's significance in the context of your life.

For instance, if you're recovering from an illness that was particularly challenging for you, by writing about it in your journal, you might recognize that going through this experience helped you to realize how precious life.  It can help you to reflect on how you've been living your life, what you want to do with the rest of your life, and who you want in your life.

Journal Writing Can Help You to Make Connections
When you organize your thoughts in writing and you begin to see the meaning of your experiences in the context of your life, it can help you to make connections to other current and past experiences.

The act of writing down your thoughts can help you to see patterns that you engage in that you might not have recognized before.

For instance, if you're writing down your feelings about an argument you had with your significant other, as you think about what happened and how you reacted, you might recognize that your tendency is to withdraw emotionally for days at a time after one of these arguments. This insight can help you to see how this reaction is affecting you and your relationship.  It can also help you to decide if you want to change your behavior.

Journal Writing Can Help You to Talk About Something That's Upsetting You
Organizing your thoughts in writing, giving meaning to your experience, and making important connections can help you to talk about what's bothering you.  It can give you the clarity you need to have an important talk with a loved one.

Journal Writing is Low Cost
All you need is a notebook and a pen or, if you choose to keep your journal online, a secure and private site.

The type of journal you use is a personal choice.   Sometimes, a regular notebook or loose leaf book that's not too fancy is best.  Sometimes, when people buy beautiful journals, the beauty of the journal can make it feel too "precious."  They feel that they can only write "important" thoughts rather than just letting themselves write freely.

Some people like to carry a small notebook around with them to jot down their feelings.  Other people prefer a larger book with unlined pages so they can include artwork like drawings or clippings.  The most important thing is that the journal is private so you feel free to write whatever you want.

Journal Writing Between Therapy Sessions
I often recommend journal writing to therapy clients as a way to capture their feelings between therapy sessions.  A lot can come up between sessions and it's easy to forget if you don't write it down.  Writing in a journal between sessions can also help you to reflect on whatever came up in the therapy session as well as how your thoughts and feelings evolve over time.

A Word About Timing
When considering whether to write about a traumatic event, some people find that it's best for them to wait until a little time has passed before they capture their thoughts in writing because they're not ready to face their emotions about the trauma.

Other people find it helps them to write about the traumatic event soon after it happens.  There's no right or wrong about when you write.  You'll discover what's best for you.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or send me an email.

Also see my article: Writing Down the Milestones of Your Life

Creating Emotional Balance in Your Life

We've all had days when we feel anxious, frustrated, angry, sad or at our wit's end.  When you're overwhelmed occasionally by these kinds of emotions, it helps to have a reliable way to bring yourself back into emotional balance.  One way, which was originally developed in hypnosis, is to have a Safe Place or Relaxing Place to focus on so you can bring yourself back to a calm state.

Creating Emotional Balance in Your Life

Learning Coping Strategies in Therapy:
When clients come to see me in my psychotherapy private practice in NYC, I usually teach them coping strategies, especially if they're coming in to overcome trauma.  One of those coping strategies is the Safe or Relaxing Place meditation.  Whether you're trying to overcome trauma or you're just having a bad day, learning to do the Safe Place meditation is a good way to help bring yourself back into a state of calm and emotional balance.

Safe Place Meditation:
To begin, think of a place which is linked to a positive memory.  It can be somewhere in nature, like a beach or in the woods.  When you choose a place, it should be completely positive without any negative memories associated with it.  So, for instance, choosing a beach that you like is fine, but not if it causes you to think of times when your parents used to argue at this beach.  A relaxing scene by a waterfall is great, but not if it was the place where your boyfriend broke up with you.

Once you have a place that you associate with feeling calm and relaxed, close your eyes and engage as many of your senses as possible.  First, feel yourself standing in this place.  If you're at the beach, what does it feel like to have your toes in the sand?

Then, look around and notice what you see.  Notice the colors, shapes and textures of things.  Are there any sounds associated with this place?  If so, what are they?  If you're at the beach, do you hear the sound of the waves on the shore or the seagulls flying overhead?  Are there any sensations associated with this place?  Do you feel the warmth of the sun or the breeze off the ocean against your skin.  What about smells?  Smells can be so evocative?  Can you smell the salt in the ocean?  Maybe you can even taste the salt in the air.

With some practice, you can learn to make these sensory experiences vivid.  And, you'll begin to feel yourself calming down.  Notice that your breathing has slowed down and muscles in your body that might have been tight might be relaxing.

You can also give this place a name--whatever works for you that would allow you to associate the name with the calm feeling.  It can be the word "beach," if that's your relaxing place or just "relaxing place."  When you practice pairing the word with the calm feeling, you can just use the word at times when you can't close your eyes to do the meditation.

The place you choose can be either real or imagined, a scene from a movie or a book.  It doesn't matter.  All that matters is that it helps to get you back into emotional balance.

For some people, trying to come up with a relaxing place can be challenging.  If that's the case for you, you can try to think of the face of a person associated with positive experiences.  This can be a friend, a family member, a teacher, a coach or a mentor.  The point is to use the visualization to get yourself back into an emotionally balanced state.

Practicing the Safe (or Relaxing) Place meditation can help you get through a difficult moment, and it only takes a few minutes a day for you to gain the benefits of this meditation.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I am certified in mind-body oriented psychotherapy.  

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.


Also, visit my Psychotherapy Daily News for updates on mental health issues, health education, and science news.

Balancing Your Needs with Being Responsive to the Needs of Our Loved Ones

How do we balance our own needs with being responsive to our loved ones?  

There are times in life when we choose to put aside something that we want in our lives to focus on our loved ones, whether this involves a child, a spouse or an elderly relative.  This is a part of life and, usually, we do this because we love them and they're important to us.  But this is different from a lifelong pattern of constantly putting others' needs first and sacrificing our own.  

Balancing Your Needs With the Needs of Your Loved Ones

For many people, it can be tricky knowing how to balance their needs with what's being asked of them from family and friends.  When there's a lifelong dynamic of consistently putting others' needs over our own, it can leave us feeling adrift in a sea of doubt and dissatisfaction.

Here are a few short vignettes that are examples of this pattern of putting others' needs first:

Paul:
From the time he was a small boy, Paul always wanted to be an airline pilot, but he knew that his father wanted him to be a doctor.  His father wanted to be a doctor himself when he was younger, but he had to help his parents support  a large family, so he went to work instead of going to medical school.  Paul is painfully aware of his father's family history and the many sacrifices his father made.  He feels too guilty to pursue his dream of becoming an airline pilot, so he becomes a doctor to please his father.  Once in the profession, he's deeply unhappy.  He finds he hates it and he's ill at ease with all the patient contact.  But he remains as doctor because he knows it makes his father proud and happy, and he would feel too guilty disappointing his father.

Susan:
Susan's mother, Mary, has a long history of living beyond her means.  When Mary loses her job, she tells Susan that she wants to stop working, rather than look for other work, and she expects Susan to help support her.  Mary is only in her early 50s, in very good health, and there are no other reasons why she can't look for another job.  She just doesn't want to do it.  Over the years, she's depended on Susan to bail her out financially.  Susan just began building a financial safety net for herself, but she's nowhere near what financial experts recommend of having at least six months to a year of savings in case of an emergency.  Supporting her mother would be a very big financial sacrifice.  Rather than supporting her on an ongoing basis, Susan would rather help her mother in the short term until Mary can find another job.  But Susan doesn't feel comfortable telling her mother this, so she agrees to give her mother a substantial part of her salary every month, which keeps Susan from saving for herself.  She's unhappy with this arrangement, but she feels too guilty and that it would be selfish to speak up for herself.

Alice:
Alice recently joined a neighborhood writing group.  Since she began this supportive group, Alice has become much more confident in her writing and she has been seriously considering submitting her short  stories for publication.  The group members have been encouraging her to do so, and they especially urged her to come to the next meeting where the guest speaker will be an editor from a magazine who might be interested in Alice's stories.  As Alice is about to leave for the group meeting, she gets a last minute call from her sister, Betty, who is in tears about the latest argument she had with her husband.  She tells Alice she is coming over because she needs to talk to her right now.  This is the third time this week that Betty has called in tears to talk about her marriage.  Alice had very much been looking forward all month to attending her group and meeting the magazine editor.  But rather than telling Betty that she could talk to her later, she takes off her coat, resigns herself to missing the meeting, and tells Betty it's okay for her to come over now.

What all of these scenarios have in common is an inability to assert one's self in order to balance one's own needs while still being responsive to loved ones.  Each person is taking on his or her loved one's problems or wishes at a sacrifice to him or herself.  

When Shame is at the Core of the Problem
If shame is at the core of being unable to assert your own needs, it can make these situations even more challenging.  By shame, I mean that, often, people who tend to put others' needs first most of the time feel too ashamed to allow themselves to want things for themselves.  Their family upbringing might have been that it's better to always put other people's needs first.

Tactfully setting boundaries with others is your right.  You might know this, but knowing when to do it might be confusing:  Are you being selfish or are you asserting yourself?  

Always Putting Others' Needs First Can Exhaust and Depress You
A pattern of putting others' needs before your own can leave you feeling depleted and depressed.  It can also cause you to feel resentful of others.  On the one hand, you don't want to feel like you're being selfish but on the other hand, you don't want to neglect your own needs.  It can be hard to know where to draw the line.  But if you don't learn where to drawn the line, your life will go by without the things that you really want for yourself.  There are few things sadder than someone who looks back on his or her life and says, "If only I had pursued my dreams..."

Getting Help in Therapy
When you work with a clinician who has expertise in helping people to balance their needs with being responsive to their loved ones, you learn to discover what you really want, when to assert your needs, and how to do it.  

It's not a matter of the psychotherapist telling you what to do.  It's about you discovering and learning to listen to your core self, who usually knows what's right for you so you can lead a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist. 

I have work with individual adults and couples.  I've helped many clients to overcome obstacles that keep them from leading more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

For a related topic, see my article:  Overcoming Fear of Anger