Pets Can Improve Your Mental Health

Millions of people around the world consider their pets to be part of their family.  Not only are pets a source of unconditional love, they can also improve your mental health.

How Can Pets Improve Your Mental Health?

Pets can provide the following mental health benefits:

• Providing Comfort and Social Support: The mutual love between pets and their humans is a source of comfort for most people.  Pets and humans form a bond that helps each of them to feel less alone. 

Pets Can Improve Your Mental Health

• Providing Companionship: The comfort of having a pet can reduce loneliness and social isolation. In addition, taking care of a pet can help you to feel needed and loved.

• Helping to Relieve Stress and Anxiety: Many people who struggle with anxiety experience relief with their pet. Many pets are attuned to their human's stress and anxiety and they provide emotional support.

• Helping to Relieve Depression: The companionship of a pet can help to relieve depression.

• Reducing Work Stress: Pets have a way of building bridges in groups. In most work environments employees come together more easily when there is a pet in the office. Pets also help people to be more productive and reduce stress at work.

Pets Can Reduce Work Stress

• Improving Physical Health: People who have dogs get exercise when they walk them. Daily walks can help with cardiovascular health.

• Providing Structure and Routine: Pets need daily structure to thrive and so do humans. When you have a pet, you benefit from the daily structure as well.

Pets Can Improve Your Mental Health

• Helping to Meet New People: People who have pets, especially dogs, often meet new people in dog parks or on daily walks, so pets can be help to increase your social circle.

• Providing Sensory Stress Relief: Stroking a dog or a cat can help reduce your stress and help to reduce blood pressure. 

• Providing Help With Managing Emotions: Unconditional love from a pet can help people to manage their emotions when they come home from a stressful day and they are met by their loving pet at the door. This interaction can help people to transition from a difficult day to a loving home environment.

• Providing Meaning and Joy: Having a pet can provide meaning and joy, especially as you age and lose connection with loved ones who aren't around any more. A pet can increase your pleasure, give you a sense of meaning and purpose, and increase your sense of confidence and optimism.

Pets Are a Major Commitment

Before getting a pet, make sure you understand that it's a major commitment in terms of time and money.

You also have to be around most of the time to take care of a pet. For instance, if you travel a lot and you're not around, this can be lonely for a pet who doesn't understand where you are or if you're coming back.

You also need to make sure you're not allergic to certain pets.

Before you get a pet, make sure you have the right home environment. For instance, big dogs might not get the exercise they need in a small apartment.  In that case, having a cat might be better since they can thrive in cozy spaces.

Conclusion

Under the right circumstances, pets can help improve your overall health and mental health as well as bring you joy and comfort in many ways.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Healing Trauma: The Effect of Emotionally Reparative Relationships

As a psychotherapist who is a trauma specialist in New York City, I have written many articles about healing trauma, including: 

Growing Up Feeling Invisible and Invalidated

Healing Old Emotional Childhood Wounds That Are Affecting Your Current Relationships, 

Overcoming Emotional Trauma and Developing Resilience.  

In this article, I'm focusing on the healing effect of emotionally reparative relationships for people who have experienced childhood trauma.

Healing Trauma: The Effect of Emotionally Reparative Relationships

As you may know, early emotional trauma can have devastating effects psychologically, physically and interpersonally.

Although you can't change what happened to you in the past, emotionally reparative relationships can help you to heal (see my article: You Can't Change the Past, But You Can Change How the Past Affects You Now).

What is an Emotionally Reparative Relationship?
An emotionally reparative relationship is a relationship that is emotionally supportive and nurturing.

Unlike the neglectful or abusive relationships that traumatized individuals had with parents and others in their childhood, these supportive people are there for them now.

These reparative relationships can be with a spouse or significant other, loving friendships, a close mentoring relationship, a loving pet and so on.

You can also have an emotionally reparative relationship with a skilled psychotherapist (see my article: The Therapist's Empathic Attunement Can Be Emotionally Reparative to the Client).

Healing Trauma: The Effect of Emotionally Reparative Relationships

Choosing Healthy Relationships is a Challenge For Childhood Trauma Survivors
The challenge for people who experienced childhood trauma is that they often choose people who will hurt or betray them (see my articles: Relationships: Are You Attracted to People Who Hurt You?).

Choosing hurtful or abusive relationships are usually unconscious choices.

Due to a childhood history of being mistreated, it's often difficult to know how to discern people who will be loving from people who will be abusive (see my article: Emotionally Unhealthy Relationships: Bad Luck or Poor Choices?).

The other major problem is that if ,when they were children, people couldn't trust their parents, it's understandable that they would wonder if they can trust others as adults (see my article: Adults Who Were Neglected as Children Often Have Problems Trusting Others).

Mistrust can lead to social isolation and shying away from relationships--both romantic relationships and friendships (see my article: Overcoming Social Isolation and Loneliness).

The Effect of Emotional Trauma Can Be Fear, Mistrust, Isolation and Loneliness

Social isolation leads to loneliness.  So, every so often, to overcome their loneliness, they might open up to meeting someone new, hoping that this new person will treat them well.

But if they have little or no experience in how to choose healthy people to be in their lives, they haven't developed the necessary skills to make healthy choices.

In addition, the unconscious mind can be a powerful factor in being drawn to what's familiar.

So, if what's familiar to them is mistreatment, without realizing it, they often choose people who will be hurtful (see my article: Choosing "Mr. Wrong" Over and Over Again).

Choosing someone who is hurtful confirms their "reality" that people can't be trusted and opening up to new people will only lead to emotional pain.

It's easy to see how this could lead to an ongoing cycle from fear and mistrust to social isolation to loneliness to opening up (to overcome feelings of loneliness) and then to making poor choices again.  Then, the cycle starts again going back to fear, social isolation, loneliness and so on.

Eventually, many people, who are caught up in this cycle over and over, give up on relationships altogether.

They decide that it's too painful to open up to others and they remain alone.  Their thinking is usually:  It's better to be alone than to risk getting hurt again (see my article: An Emotional Dilemma: Wanting and Dreading Love).

This is very unfortunate because they don't see how their own unconscious mind leads them to keep choosing what's familiar and that if they worked through their early trauma in therapy, they could free themselves from their early history and make better choices (see my article: Learning From Past Romantic Relationships).

Doing Trauma Therapy to Overcome Early Trauma
While the thought of being in therapy to work through early trauma might seem daunting, it's far less daunting than the prospect of continuing to choose people who are hurtful or abusive or giving up on relationships altogether.

There are many different ways of working on early trauma.

In my professional opinion, the most effective modalities are mind-body oriented therapy, such as EMDR Therapy, Somatic Experiencing and clinical hypnosis.

Doing Trauma Work in Therapy to Overcome Early Trauma

A skilled trauma therapist will make sure that clients are emotionally ready to do trauma work.

This will include doing the necessary preparation in terms of developing internal and external resources so the work isn't retraumatizing to clients (see my article: Developing Coping Strategies in Therapy Before Working on Trauma).

As I mentioned earlier, you can't change what you didn't get in your childhood, so it's important to grieve for the abuse, emotional deprivation and major losses.

There's no fixed time when the grief is over, especially when the trauma involves multiple losses or mistreatment on many levels.

But, in most cases, with help in trauma therapy, the grief eventually subsides, which can feel like a big weight has been lifted from you.

Part of working on trauma in therapy is also helping you to develop the insight and skills you didn't develop earlier in terms of choosing healthier people in your life, so you don't continue to make the same mistakes, which lead to getting hurt again (see my article: Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships and  Choosing Healthier Relationships).

Developing Healthy Relationships
Choosing healthier relationships can include:

• Developing friendships with people who are trustworthy, emotionally supportive and nurturing.  Healthy people can be there for you in ways that your family might not have been when you were growing up (see my article: Emotional Support From Your Family of Choice).
• Choosing a romantic partner who is loving, kind and supportive, who will be there for you in good times and in bad.
• Choosing wise people in the form of mentors, teachers or spiritual leaders who will provide inspiration, motivation and guidance.
• Choosing a caring psychotherapist who will be attuned to your emotional needs and who will help you to overcome early trauma and to make healthy choices in your life.
• Loving and caring for a pet, who provides unconditional love (see my article: Our Pets Help Us to Be Healthier and Happier).

Healing Trauma: The Effect of Emotionally Reparative Relationships

These relationships can be emotionally healing.  They can fill in the emotional "holes" that were left due to early abuse or neglect.  They can provide the nurturance and love you didn't get in your childhood.

Healing Trauma: The Effect of Emotionally Reparative Relationships

It's also important that these relationships are reciprocal.

In healthy relationships, the emotional support, love and nurturance go both ways.  It's not a one way street.

So, part of the work in therapy is also to learn how to be in reciprocal relationships.

This is important because many people who have had abuse or neglect in early childhood often become other people's rescuers (see my article: How to Stop Being the "Rescuer" in Your Family).

They're always the ones that others go to for help, whether it's emotional, financial or some other kind of help.  But they don't allow others to be supportive of them or they choose people who aren't capable of being supportive.

Other people who were traumatized as children hope to be the ones who are rescued (see my article: Overcoming Fantasies of Being Rescued).  They feel a need to be overly dependent upon others.

So, healthy, mature relationships include both give and take over time and aren't about rescuing or being rescued.  They are mutually supportive relationships.

Conclusion
Emotionally reparative relationships can help to heal the effects of early childhood trauma.

It's usually necessary to first do trauma work in therapy to get to the point where you feel open enough and ready to make healthy choices in relationships, so you don't keep making unhealthy choices.

Part of the work is grieving for your losses and healing from your childhood experiences, but also recognizing that it's possible to get love and emotional support in new relationships.

Healthy relationships, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship, include reciprocity so that it's a mutually supportive relationship.

Getting Help in Therapy
As I've mentioned in previous articles, untreated emotional trauma can have serious consequences in terms of emotional and physical health.

Healing Trauma: Getting Help in Therapy

Untreated emotional trauma can also have a damaging effect on your marriage, your relationships with your children and other important relationships.

Rather than getting caught in a cycle of fear, mistrust, isolation and despair, you can get help with a skilled trauma therapist so that you can free yourself from your trauma history to live a happier life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients to overcome their trauma history to lead more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming Loneliness and Social Isolation

As a psychotherapist in New York City, I've noticed that more clients are struggling with feelings of loneliness than I've encountered with clients in prior years.

Why Are People More Socially Isolated and Lonely Now Than in the Past?
There are many reasons why people are more socially isolated from one another and, as a result, more lonely than before.  

Overcoming Loneliness and Social Isolation

A Decrease in In-Person Social Contact

As a society, we have less in person contact these days than we used to before.  We rely more on email and text messages now.  While there are definite advantages to these technological advances, there have also been disadvantages, especially for people who live alone and have few close friends or family members.

Young adults, many of whom rely almost exclusively on text messages or social media to communicate, often don't develop the social skills necessary to communicate with potential friends or romantic romantic partners.  Many of them complain to me that they feel awkward talking to new people, and they don't know how to start a conversation at a social gathering.

Loneliness vs Depression

Loneliness is often confused with depression, and many people would prefer to say they're depressed and seek antidepressant medication from their doctor than admit that they're lonely.

While there can be a connection between loneliness and depression, very often, loneliness can be confused with depression.

Loneliness and Shame

For many people the shame of admitting that they're lonely is so great that they might even have a hard time admitting that they're lonely to their therapists.  

Admitting to feeling lonely often involves a certain emotional vulnerability that many people can't tolerate.  Many of them feel that by admitting that they're lonely, they'll be judged and people will think there's something wrong with them.  They feel that admitting to being lonely puts them at risk for people thinking they're not likable, and they might have their own fears about this.

Being Willing to Extend Yourself

If you're feeling lonely, it can help to extend yourself to others rather than waiting for others to approach you.

If you have a particularly difficult time initiating social interactions, you might want to consider doing volunteer work.

When you volunteer for a cause or a particular group, you're usually given a particular task to do and talking to others is easier because you're interacting within the context of doing the volunteer work. 

The following scenario, which is a composite to protect confidentiality, illustrates how a client was able to overcome feelings of loneliness:

Bill

When Bill graduated college and moved to NYC to take a job as a computer programmer, he didn't know anyone in the city.

Bill interacted with coworkers at work, but most of them were older and married.  As a young, single man in a new city, Bill often felt lonely when he was home alone.

He kept up with college buddies and friends from his hometown mostly via text messages.  He also called his parents once a week.  And these interactions were the extent of his social interactions outside of work.

After a few months, Bill thought he was depressed, so he came to see me for help.  It became apparent early on that not only was Bill socially isolated, but he felt uncomfortable initiating social interactions with new people.  Even when he was in college, most of the other students that he became friends with were people who were more outgoing and approached him first.

As we talked about what Bill thought were depressive symptoms, it turned out that when he went home and saw his family and friends, he didn't feel sad.  He also didn't have most of the other symptoms associated with depression, so I surmised that Bill was really lonely as opposed to being depressed.

When I work with clients, whether it's about problems with loneliness or other emotional issues, I tend to be interactive.  So, Bill and I talked about what he would be willing to do to be less socially isolated in NYC.

Since Bill was very fond of animals, he came up with the idea of volunteering his time at a no-kill animal shelter.  From the start of his volunteer work at the shelter, the dogs and cats, who longed for attention, gravitated towards Bill and he loved spending time with them.  He even adopted a dog and a cat.

He loved his pets, and having affectionate pets, who waited eagerly for his arrival when he got home, made it a lot easier for Bill when he came home.   

But Bill also wanted human social interaction, so we talked about what type of volunteer work he would like to do to meet new people.  As it turned out, Bill was very interested in local politics and there was a particular local candidate that he liked.

When he looked into volunteer opportunities with this local political candidate, he discovered that the campaign had a real need for volunteers.  So, Bill spent a few hours each week volunteering his time.

Initially, Bill felt awkward because most people already knew each other and he was the new volunteer.  Breaking into a new group, especially if someone is self conscious and somewhat shy as Bill was, can be difficult, so Bill had to lower his expectations at first.

But after the second week, one of the other volunteers, Ed, told Bill that there was a group that went out for burgers afterwards, and he asked Bill to join them.  

Over time, Bill became friendly with a few of the other volunteers, and he began to socialize with them more.  And, as he developed friendships with these people, he realized that he no longer felt lonely.  He also realized that his problem wasn't depression after all--it was social isolation which had resulted in loneliness.

Overcoming Social Isolation and Loneliness Can Be Challenging For the Elderly or People Who Are Home bound

For people who are either elderly or home bound due to health problems, social isolation and loneliness can be challenging because they might not interact with others.

Being isolated, they're also more at risk for health problems that might not be detected because they have little or no social interactions with others.

In some communities, religious organizations and social service agencies have volunteers who can visit the elderly or the home bound.  In many major cities, like NYC, there are senior centers with free transportation where the elderly can meet other people and engage in social activities.

Social Anxiety Can Complicate Efforts to Overcome Social Isolation and Loneliness

See my article:  Overcoming Social Anxiety

Feeling Lonely in a Relationship

Loneliness doesn't just occur because people are socially isolated.  People in relationships where their emotional needs aren't being met are often lonely too.

See my article:  Feeling Lonely in a Relationship

Getting Help in Therapy

If you've been unable to overcome feelings of loneliness and social isolation, rather than remaining isolated and unhappy, you could benefit from seeing a licensed psychotherapist who has helped psychotherapy clients to overcome this problem.  

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also, see my article:  Solitude vs Loneliness

Pets Can Help Improve Your Mental Health

Psychological research has shown that people with pets, generally speaking, tend to be happier and healthier.  Our pets, whether they are dogs or cats, provide us with emotional support.  They bond with us, and most people see them as family members.

Pets Can Provide Emotional Support for People Who Are Socially Isolated
People who might be experiencing social isolation, often fare better if they have a pet.  Our pets usually love us unconditionally (and how often do you experience that!) and we love them.  They're a source of comfort and can be a source of joy.

Pets Can Improve Your Mental Health

Pets and the Elderly
Assisted living and nursing home facilities have found that the elderly respond to dogs and cats even when they might not respond to other residents or staff.  They enjoy the pet's company, including their physical and emotional warmth, and the tactile sense when they pet them.

I was very moved to hear a story about a cat in a senior residence who instinctively knew when a resident wasn't feeling well.  He would lie on the bed with the resident, providing comfort.  This cat was also attuned to when a elderly resident was about to pass away, and he would stay with the resident until he or she died.  The staff said it often helped the resident to have a peaceful passing.

Pets Can Help Us to Relax and Shift into a Good Mood
Even when you're not around your pet, just thinking about your cat or dog can help you to relax and shift your mood.

I love both cats and dogs, but I'm especially partial to cats.  I had my cat, Hecate, from the time she was about seven weeks old until she died at the age of 19.  Contrary to what people often say about cats, she was very sweet, loving, and cuddly.  When I first got her, she would drape herself across the top of my head at night like a fur hat.  She was also very smart (I know, I know--everyone thinks his or her pet is the cutest and smartest!)

In the morning, Hecate would pat my mouth with her paw to let me know she wanted her breakfast.  She was also very playful.  Once I was looking for her all over the apartment.  

Usually, she would come when I called her name, but this time she wasn't responding, so I was starting to get worried.  Then, as I was standing by the refrigerator wondering where she might be, I felt a tap-tap-tap on my head.  I looked up.  She was standing on top of the refrigerator, giving me a mischievous look. Then, she jumped back to hide again, and slowly creeped to the edge and peered over the side to see if I would play with her which, of course, I did.

Hecate passed away more than 10 years ago now, but all I have to do to shift my mood is to think of her and she still brings a smile to my face and a warm feeling.

Although pets can improve your mental health, they are also a responsibility and not everyone can afford or provide care for a pet.  

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist. I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my web site:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also, see my article:  Coping with Pet Loss

Learning to Relax: Going on an Internal Retreat

Learning to Relax:  Going on an Internal Retreat

Taking time to yourself to relax is an important part of self care, especially for people who spend most of their time taking care of others.  Generally, when we think of retreats, we think of going away somewhere to get away from everything.  

Places like Omega in Rhinebeck, NY or Kripalu in Lenox, MA offer retreats for people who want to relax and get away from it all for a day, a weekend or longer.   

But there are times when we can't get a way to a spa or a weekend retreat.  So, can we get some of the benefits of going on a retreat without actually going anywhere?

What is a "retreat"?
Let's first look at the definition of the word "retreat."

Here are some common definitions:

     "a place of privacy; a place affording peace and quiet"

     "move away, as for privacy"

     "hideaway: an area where you can be alone"


Going on an Internal Retreat

An Internal Retreat:  Relaxation, Peace, Calm

Notice that in these particular definitions above it says nothing about having to book a spa weekend or a yoga or spiritual retreat. The emphasis is on moving away and finding privacy to find peace and quiet.

So while a retreat can be an external place, more importantly, it's a calm internal place that you go to in your mind when you have quiet and privacy to enter into that part of your internal world.

It's so important to your personal well being to have a time and place where you can retreat into your internal world and relax for at least a few minutes. Most people know this, but it's so easy forget.

Internal Retreat:  Taking a Few Minutes to Yourself to Relax

When you have privacy and some quiet time, an internal retreat can be as little as 5 or 10 minutes of just focusing on your breathing. Often, it's a matter of developing this habit and making it a regular part of your normal day. The benefits to your overall health and well being can be tremendous.

We can learn a lot from our pets, who know how to relax at just about any time and place.

Our Pets Can Teach Us a Lot About How to Relax

If you do get a chance to go out into nature, even if it's just for a short time, you can feel refreshed and rejuvenated.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.   I work with individual adults and couples.  

I help clients in my psychotherapy practice to learn self care and how to relax in their everyday lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also, see my articles on Mindfulness Meditation and Solitude vs Loneliness.


Photo Credits:  Photo Pin

Coping with the Loss of a Pet

Our Pets Are Part of Our Families
We love and nurture our pets and they bring us joy. So when a beloved pet dies, it can feel as devastating as the death of a close relative. We can grieve as profoundly as losing our best friends, and for some of us, they are our best friends.

Coping with the Loss of a Pet

Whether you've had your pet for a short time or for years, it's very sad when they pass from your life. After the loss of a pet, you need emotional support from other people who understand. Often, people who don't have pets don't understand how normal and natural it is to feel very sad after a pet has died.

Allow Yourself Time to Grieve
So, what can you do to help yourself feel better? Just like with the death of a person who is close to you, know that it will probably take time to heal from this loss. Allow yourself to take the time to grieve and don't judge yourself for the depth of your feelings.

Coping With the Loss of a Pet

You will probably go through many of the same feelings that I discussed in my last article about losing a loved one. Some people find it helpful to make a scrapbook of photos or special mementos related to their pet. Other people find it comforting to keep an urn with their pet's ashes. No one can tell you what will be right for you.

People often ask me if they should go out and buy another pet immediately. For most people, this is not helpful. For one thing, you're still grieving for your pet who just died, and you're probably not open to accepting a new pet into your heart and home.

You might also feel guilty if you get another pet too soon--like you're betraying the pet that you just lost. If you get a new pet immediately, without even realizing it, you might also expect that pet to be just like your last pet when, in reality, each pet has his or her own personality.

The other reason that it's usually not a good idea to get another pet immediately is that you might be doing this to avoid dealing with your grief. When the time is right, after you've gone through a natural period of grief, you can open your heart again and enjoy having a new pet.

Our Pets Bring Us Joy

The important thing to know is that grief usually subsides over time if you allow yourself to feel your feelings.

About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples. 

I have helped many people to cope with the loss.

To find out more about me, please visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.