Coping With Ambiguous Loss

The term ambiguous loss was coined by Dr. Pauline Boss in the 1970s. She is an internationally-recognized American educator, researcher and family therapist.

She has written a few books on the topic of ambiguous loss:

• Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live With Unresolved Grief

• Loving Someone Who Has Dementia: How to Find Hope While Coping With Stress and Grief

• The Myth of Closure

What is Ambiguous Loss?

Ambiguous loss is defined as a loss that lacks closure or a clear understanding. 

Dr. Boss classified two types:

• Physically Absent But Psychologically Present: A loved one is gone physically but remains present in the minds and hearts of family and friends (e.g., a missing person, estrangement, giving up a baby for adoption, separation). The experience is: Gone but no certainty if they are alive or dead, which often leads to a search for answers.

Coping With Ambiguous Loss

• Physically Present But Psychologically Absent: In this type of loss a person is physically present but they are emotionally or cognitively absent (e.g., dementia/Alzheimers; traumatic brain injury; chronic depression; an intense preoccupation with work, technology, etc.) The experience: "Here but not here" which leads to grief for what is missing.

Ambiguous loss is considered the most stressful loss because it usually doesn't allow for typical grieving rituals and closure.

Coping With Ambiguous Loss

Coping with ambiguous loss involves accepting that complete closure may not be possible.

Strategies for coping include:

• Finding Meaning: Acknowledging the ambiguity and that the situation is not within your control but finding personal meaning for yourself

• Balancing Emotions: Managing the tension between hoping for a return/recovery and accepting the current reality

Coping With Ambiguous Loss

• Seeking Support: Utilizing therapy or a support group for emotional support and to validate your experience

Clinical Vignette

The following vignette, which is a composite of many different cases, illustrates how someone can cope with the ambiguous loss of a loved one being physically present but psychologically absent:

Gina

When Gina's mother, Ann, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, Gina felt crushed. Her mother had always been an intelligent, active and loving person who held a responsible job as a hospital administrator for many years before she retired.

Coping With Ambiguous Loss

Several years after Ann retired, she complained to Gina that she was getting forgetful and confused. When Gina discussed this with her brother and sister, they decided to take their mother to a neurologist to get evaluated. That's when they were told that their mother was in the middle stage of Alzheimer's.

The neurologist provided them with resources for their mother and support groups for them, including the Alzheimer's Association. 

They talked about the diagnosis as a family and realized they had different views. Gina and her sister felt their mother should be told because they knew she would want to know what was happening to her and be part of the planning. However, their brother, who was the eldest, said their mother would only get upset if she knew so she shouldn't be told.

After going back and forth about this decision for several weeks, the brother relented and said he would go along with what Gina and her sister thought was best.

When they told Ann, they weren't surprised to hear that she already had a feeling that she might have Alzheimer's because her mother and maternal grandmother had it (although people don't always inherit Alzheimer's).

Knowing that she would decline over time, Ann was very sad, but she was also a practical person. She asked her children to arrange for visits with a geriatric social worker and an elder care attorney to advise them.

Gina and her siblings each had different reactions. Gina's brother tended to be stoic and he didn't want to discuss his feelings. Gina and her sister supported each other in their grief. They talked frequently. They also joined an online Alzheimer's support group and felt relieved to hear that other adult children were going through the same emotional ups and downs as they were experiencing.

Gina also sought help in individual therapy because she wanted the privacy to talk about things she didn't feel comfortable talking about in the support group.

She told her therapist that she had always relied on her mother for emotional support and advice whenever she had to make big decisions and the thought of not being able to do that made her feel tremendous grief.

As her mother declined, Gina's therapist recommended that she work on a family photo album with her mother. So, Gina gathered together the loose family photos her mother kept in a box, bought a photo album and went through the pictures with her mother as they placed the pictures in the album.

She and her mother laughed and reminisced about the events in the photos for hours. Her mother told her she hadn't thought about some of the people and events in the photos for a long time.

They also listened to some of her mother's favorite music which she enjoyed when she was younger. This also stimulated certain memories for her mother.

While her mother was still able to garden, Gina's sister and Ann spent time planting in the mother's garden, which they both found relaxing.

Gina's brother took Ann for walks around the neighborhood and pointed out places that Ann knew from years ago. 

Although the medication the neurologist prescribed helped to slow Ann's decline, eventually, Ann could no longer be maintained at home with a home health aide, and Gina and her siblings had to make tough decisions.

At that point, their mother had declined so much that she only remembered her children intermittently. She was also frequently agitated, which was so different from how Gina and her siblings had always known Ann to be prior to the onset of Alzheimer's.

Gina and her sister wanted to explore nursing homes, but their brother refused to even consider the idea. The thought of putting their mother in a facility was beyond what he could bear. So, he decided to take time off from work and, with the help of an aide, took care of Ann full time.

He soon discovered how exhausting this was--even with Gina and her sister relieving him for a few days out of the week and the help of a home health aide.

When Gina's brother needed to return to work, they spoke with the geriatric social worker who helped them to find facilities that were suitable for their mother. They visited several places, which were good but left each of them feeling very sad.  These facilities had memory units to help patients with dementia and Alzheimer's, patients were well taken care of, but the sight of many elderly impaired patients was upsetting.

At that point, Ann was no longer able to make decisions for herself. Gina and her siblings had already consulted with an elder care attorney to establish a durable power of attorney with Gina in charge. Then, they chose a facility close to where they all lived so they could visit Ann frequently.

At each stage of her mother's decline, Gina felt, at times, that her sadness and grief were unbearable. But she continued to discuss her feelings with her therapist and in the Alzheimer's support group because this was unlike any loss she had ever experienced before.

Over time, even though she felt tremendous sadness and grief, she accepted she couldn't control what was happening to her mother. 

There were some days when her mother seemed content to be participating in activities at the facility and other days when Ann glared at Gina and her other children and said, "Why did you put me here?"

Every time Gina felt she had come to accept her mother's condition, she had to contend with the next stage of her mother's decline. 

Gina's friends, who had older parents who were still functioning well, seemed to want to avoid talking to Gina about how she felt. Gina felt frustrated about this, but she understood that they had their own fears for what might eventually happen to their parents.

In addition to therapy and the Alzheimer's support group, Gina also felt some comfort in journaling. 

After her mother died, Gina felt a mixture of sadness, grief and relief that her mother was no longer suffering. 

She told her therapist she felt guilty that she felt relief and her therapist normalized what Gina was experiencing. She told Gina that it's common for adult children to experience a mixture of emotions including relief.

Gina learned to accept that her grief and sadness would come in waves so that she could feel better for a period of time but, seemingly out of nowhere, she felt tremendous sadness.

Over time, Gina learned to live with her grief. There were even days when she felt hopeful and grateful for what she had in her life. 

She also volunteered to be a peer group leader with the Alzheimer's support group so she could help others to deal with their loss and provide them with a sense of hope.

Conclusion

There are two types of ambiguous loss. I focused on the physically present but psychologically absent because this type of loss isn't addressed as often as the physically absent but psychologically present.

The vignette presented a daughter with a mother who had Alzheimer's. This type of loss could also involve someone coping with a sick or cognitively impaired spouse.

Coping With Ambiguous Loss

Both types of ambiguous loss are difficult, but with help there is hope.

Getting Help in Therapy

Loved ones can be well-meaning but often say and do things that are unsupportive.

A licensed mental health professional, who has an expertise with helping clients to cope with ambiguous loss, can help you to navigate the stages of loss.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a qualified mental health professional so you can learn to cope with ambiguous loss.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years with grief, loss, trauma and many other issues.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles

The Challenges of the "Sandwich Generation": Raising Children and Taking Care of Elderly Parents

Coping With the Loss of Loved Ones - Common Reactions 

The Many Layers of Grief 

You Continue to Have an Internal Relationship With Your Parents After They Have Died

Coping With the Loss of a Pet

Coping with Pregnancy Loss

It is a little known fact that approximately 10-20% of all pregnancies end in a miscarriage.

The actual number might be even higher because most miscarriages occur early in the pregnancy and many women don't even realize they had a miscarriage. 

Coping With Pregnancy Loss

Some of these women don't even realize they were pregnant before they had a miscarriage.

Coping With Pregnancy Loss

The sense of loss for women and their partners can be profound and isolating because, unlike other losses, there are no funerals or rituals to process this loss with their loved ones. 

In addition, family and friends are often not emotionally supportive. 

Coping With Pregnancy Loss

Some loved ones can be emotionally invalidating by brushing off the loss and telling the woman and her partner, "Oh, you can just try again" as if there was no loss at all involved with the miscarriage.

Aside from feeling the sadness of the loss, many women also feel ashamed and guilty because they believe they did something to cause the loss--even when it's objectively clear that they didn't.

Many loved ones believe a miscarriage is no loss at all because they believe there wasn't enough time for the woman to develop an emotional attachment. But this negates the fact that the woman and her partner had a dream of having a child and now that dream is lost.

Difficulty Grieving Pregnancy Loss

Many women and their partners never grieve for pregnancy loss, but the trauma of the miscarriage lives within them and between them.

Coping With Pregnancy Loss

The lack of rituals to grieve the loss with loved ones often leads the woman and her partner to suppress their emotions about the loss so they can "move on" and try to get pregnant again.

What Are the Possible Consequences of Not Grieving a Pregnancy Loss?

Failing to process the loss can result in physical, emotional and relationship difficulties:

Physical symptoms might include:

• Fatigue
• Sleep disturbance
• Change in appetite (either under-eating or over-eating)
• Physical discomfort

Emotional symptoms might include:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder)
• Guilt
• Shame
• Complicated grief where the grief becomes prolonged and intense
• Isolation due to avoiding the judgment of others

Relationship difficulties might include:

• Difficulty communicating about their feelings about the miscarriage including fear of talking about the loss
• Problems being sexual with each other after the loss
• A higher risk of a breakup as compared to couples who experience a live birth

How to Cope With Pregnancy Loss

• Be Emotionally Supportive of Each Other: Even though you and your partner might not feel the same way about the pregnancy loss, be supportive of each other.

• Get Emotional Support From Loved Ones Who Understand: You want to confide in people who will be supportive and who will not make you feel emotionally invalidated. Anyone who would be likely to dismiss your feelings by saying, "Just move on and try to get pregnant again" isn't the right person to confide in.

• Grieve the Loss of the Pregnancy and Your Dream of Having a Baby At That Point in Your Life: Grieve in any way that is meaningful to you. Each of you might have different ways of grieving. Respect that. There is no one "right way" to grieve a pregnancy loss.

• Get Help in Therapy: Get help in couples therapy with a supportive therapist who helps clients with grief, especially grief related to a miscarriage. If your partner refuses to go, at first, start going yourself and your partner might join you in time.

Seeking Help in Therapy For Pregnancy Loss

You and your partner might not be ready to seek help in therapy immediately after the pregnancy loss, but don't struggle too long with your loss by yourselves.

Seeking Help in Therapy For Pregnancy Loss

A compassionate psychotherapist who has experience helping clients with loss can help you to grieve your loss so you don't develop the physical, emotional and relational problems mentioned above.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional has the expertise to help you to work through your loss.

Also See My Article:

How to Cope With Pregnancy Loss When You and Your Partner Have Different Feelings

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples to overcome grief.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Reconnecting With Deceased Loved Ones in Your Dreams

Having dreams about deceased loved ones is a common experience for many people (see my article: Common Reactions to the Loss of a Loved One).  

Reconnected With Deceased Loved Ones in Dreams

Some people believe loved ones come to them in dreams to reconnect or to impart an important message.  

Others believe these dreams come from a place deep inside them as a way to remember and mourn their loss.

Whatever you believe, these dreams can be an important part of your healing process as way to come to terms with your loss. 

A Child's Recurring Dreams About a Deceased Father

When I was a child, I had recurring dreams about my father, who died suddenly (see my article: Grief in Waiting After the Death of a Parent).

Reconnecting With Deceased Loves Ones in Dreams

Each dream was slightly different, but there were certain recurring themes. 

One recurring theme was that I would be shocked to see my father appear suddenly in front of me.  I would be happy to see him, but I would also feel confused and I would say to him, "But I thought you were dead..."

In some of the dreams he would tell me he had just gone away and now he was back, and in other dreams he would acknowledge that he was dead. 

Whichever response I received would confuse me: How could he be dead and still be standing in front of me?

Then, at some point, I would tell my father I wanted to let my mother know he was back. But when I turned around, he was gone and I felt the painful loss again.

Many clients tell me how real these dreams feel to them and I know this from my own experience. 

Each person comes to their own understanding of the meaning of their dreams. 

Looking back now, I believe these dreams were a way for my unconscious mind to work through the loss when my conscious mind couldn't make sense of it (see my article: Making the Unconscious Conscious).

In other words, my unconscious mind helped with the healing process. 

Many years later, when I was ready, a skilled psychotherapist helped me with a deeper level of working through the grief (see my article: The Many Layers of Grief).

Dreams About a Deceased Psychotherapist

Over the years I've had dreams about a psychotherapist who was important in my healing process as a young adult.

In some of those dreams, I talked to the therapist about current issues in my life.  

In those dreams it was as if he were still very much alive and I was having a therapy session to talk over a problem. 

I usually wake up feeling a little wistful but also refreshed.

After I wake up, I allow myself to enjoy the experience of the dream without analyzing the meaning--at least not at first.

For me, allowing myself to linger in the experience of this reconnection with someone who was so important to me during my youth is more meaningful (initially) than an analyzing the dream.  There's always time for that later, if I want it.

Conclusion

There are many ways to grieve and work through the loss of a loved one including healing through dreams (see my articles: Writing About Your Mother After Her Death).

Although not all dreams about deceased loved ones are healing, the ones that are can help with the grief and mourning process.

It doesn't matter whether you believe your loved one actually came to you or you believe the dream was your unconscious mind's way of helping you to deal with the loss.  Either belief can help in the healing process.

Recalling, writing down and talking about these dreams with trusted friends and family can help you to cope with loss.

Although dreams can be healing, sometimes grief is too difficult to work through on your own and therapy can help.

Getting Help in Therapy

Time alone doesn't heal all wounds (see my article: Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds).

Grief work in therapy can help you to move through the mourning process at a pace that feels right for you.

Getting Help in Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a skilled psychotherapist who does grief work with clients.

Working through grief can help you to heal from the pain and live a more fulfilling life.

Also See My Other Articles About Grief:

Coping With Complicated Grief

You Continue to Have a Relationship With Your Parents Even After They Die

Holding Onto Grief as a Way to Stay Emotionally Connected to a Deceased Loved One

Mourning the Death of a Father You Have Never Known

Coping With the Loss of a Pet

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

With over 20 years of experience, I have helped many individuals and couples to heal.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

The Many Layers of Grief

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time (see my article:  Common Reactions to the Loss of a Loved One).

The Many Layers of Grief

The 5 Stages of Grief

The idea that there are stages of grief was developed by Swiss-American psychiatrist Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in the late 1960s. 

According to Kubler-Ross, these stages are:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression 
• Acceptance

Although these stages are usually thought to be linear, they often occur in no particular order and they're often reoccurring. 

For instance, if someone experiences anger first, they might experience denial, depression and bargaining and a certain level of acceptance. 

But over time this same person will probably re-experience these stages in no particular order on certain anniversaries (e.g, birthdays, anniversaries of their loved one's death and holidays).

In addition, acceptance has many layers to it. There is the initial acceptance that the death has occurred, but over time acceptance can deepen as the meaning of this loss also deepens.

The Many Layers of Grief

In addition to the 5 Stages of Grief, people often experience grief in waves and in layers.

Anyone who has ever grieved for the loss of a loved one is aware that grief comes in waves. Weeks, months and years after the loss you might experience a wave of grief come over you for no apparent reason that you're aware of at the time.

The Many Layers of Grief

The concept that there can be layers of grief over time isn't commonly recognized.  The layers, which often go with the stages, are usually experienced from surface to depth.  

In other words, even if you go through all five stages several times and in a different order or in a combination of stages each time, you might go through these stages in more profound ways each time from surface to depth.

Although this is understandable when the loss is close, people are often surprised to go through many layers of grief even when they were estranged from the person who died or the death was of a relative they never knew (see my article: (see my article: Mourning the Death of a Father You Have Never Known).

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette illustrates how grief can come in layers over time for an estranged family member:

Sara

When Sara received the phone call from the police that her estranged older sister, June, was found dead from an overdose of heroin hundreds of miles away, she was shocked at first. She and her sister had estranged for over 20 years (see my article: Family Estrangements: Understanding the Barriers to Reconciliation).

Growing up Sara wasn't close to June. By the time Sara was five years old, her older sister had already quit high school to move in with a boyfriend that no one in the family liked, so Sara never saw her sister again.

As friends and family members heard about the June's death, they reached out to Sara to express their condolences (see my article: Expressing Condolences in a Caring and Tactful Way).

In response to their concern, Sara told them that she didn't have a sense of loss because she and June weren't close. She said she was just glad that June wasn't suffering anymore.

After Sara and her husband arranged for June's burial, they resumed their daily activities as if nothing had happened. But over time June's feelings changed. She noticed that her level of acceptance of June's death evolved over time.

As time passed and she went through what was left of June's personal belongings, Sara felt waves of sadness to be missing the sister she had never really known. 

Going through one of June's picture albums, Sara was surprised to discover that June kept pictures of her when she was a baby. It was at that point that Sara realized, even though June was someone she never really knew, she was important to June in ways she had never known.

The Many Layers of Grief

After discovering the pictures of herself, Sara made an effort to find out more about her sister. 

With much effort, she was able to find people in the area where June lived who knew her. She discovered that, before her life took a precipitous decline, June liked to draw portraits, including portraits of Sara when she was a baby.

She also discovered that up until June began abusing heroin, she loved to cook and she often invited friends and neighbors to her home for a meal, including people who were much less fortunate than her.

No one who knew June in the past was sure why her life took such a turn for the worse because she isolated herself in her final years. 

But some former friends believed her life got worse after she began a relationship with a man who introduced her to heroin. They surmised that after he left June, she kept to herself and her heroin use got worse until the day she overdosed.

As she discovered more about her sister, Sara was surprised to feel a depth of grief for June she would have never anticipated. 

Soon after that, she began therapy to deal with her loss.

People who are estranged from family members for a long time and people who have never known certain relatives are often surprised by the many layers of grief they feel.

Grieving in Your Own Way

We're hardwired for attachment in order to survive as babies. We're not hardwired for grief.

Grief is a topic that makes many people feel uncomfortable. In fact, many people try to avoid feeling emotions related to grief. 

The Many Layers of Grief

Those who aren't grieving often express surprise when people who have experienced a loss are continuing to grieve. 

Many make unkind remarks like, "You're still sad about your loss? How can this be when it's been over a year?" or "You just need to get out there and meet someone new."

As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, there's no one right or wrong way to grieve so if you're grieving, you'll go through it in your own time and in your own way, but it's important to make room for all your feelings.  

Certain rituals in various cultures are meant to help those who are grieving to acknowledge their feelings and come together with other people for emotional support (see my article: The Power of Creating Rituals).

The Many Layers of Grief

But after everyone has gone home and returned to their lives, you'll probably realize your life has changed in unanticipated ways after your loss.  

You might return to work and other routines but, just like any other profound experience, grief can change you.

Aside from experiencing the loss, you might also discover that, over time, grief can give you a new appreciation for love and life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples and I have helped many clients to work through grief in their own way.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also see my articles:

Coping With the Loss of a Loved One

Coping With Grief: It's Common For Emotional Pain to Get Worse Before It Gets Better

Complicated Grief

Complicated Grief and Unresolved Mourning

Inconsolable Grief For a Mother's Death

Taking Care of Yourself After the Death of a Loved One

You Continue to Have a Relationship With Your Parents After They Die

Who Are You After Both Parents Have Died?

The Emotional Pain of Clearing Out Your Parents' House After They Die

Writing as a Way to Cope With Grief

Writing About Your Mother After Her Death

Coping With the Loss of a Pet

Healing Attachment Trauma in Trauma Therapy

Attachment trauma, which involves attachment wounds, can occur at any time of life. 

Healing Attachment Trauma in Trauma Therapy 

Attachment trauma often occurs when there are significant disruptions in close relationships.

Examples of Attachment Wounds Which Are Part of Attachment Trauma

Attachment wounds include but are not limited to:

• Early loss or abandonment in childhood

• Death of a parent in childhood

• Lack of affection during childhood

• Being separated during infancy or any time in childhood from parents or primary caregivers

• Physical or emotional abuse, childhood emotional neglect or sexual abuse

• A caregiver who is the source of overwhelming emotional distress for a child

• Infidelity in a relationship including extramarital affairs and financial infidelity

• A caregiver who has a substance abuse problem

• A caregiver with mental health issues or who is emotionally unstable

• A caregiver with an anxious, avoidant or disorganized attachment style

• A caregiver with poor emotional, physical or sexual boundaries

• A caregiver who treats a child like a friend (see my article: Why Your Child Can't Be Your Friend)

• A caregiver who is controlling to the point where a child has difficulty individuating (being their own person)

• Divorce in the family during childhood

• Intergenerational trauma

• Betrayal in a romantic relationship, family relationship or friendship

• Lack of support from a partner, spouse or significant other during a significant event or transition

What Are Signs and Symptoms of Attachment Trauma?

The signs and symptoms of attachment trauma include but are not limited to:

• A pattern of difficulties in relationships with friends, family members, significant others and work relationships

A Pattern of Difficulties in Relationships

• A tendency to experience humiliation, shame and/or guilt

• Hyper-reactivity to stress (see my article: Responding Instead of Reacting)

• Hyperarousal

• A tendency to be anxious, avoidant or disorganized in romantic relationships including healthy relationships (see my article: How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationship)

• Enmeshed relationships with family members, friends or significant others

• Poor interpersonal boundaries 

Mental Health and Substance Abuse Issues Related to Attachment Trauma

Mental health and substance abuse issues related to attachment trauma include but are not limited to:

• Depression

• Anxiety
  

• Trauma and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

• Complex trauma

• Alcohol misuse

Attachment Trauma and Alcohol Misuse

• Drug misuse or addiction

• Compulsive gambling

• Overspending

• Overeating

• Out of control sexual behavior (OCSB)
  

Healing Attachment Trauma in Trauma Therapy

There are many different types of trauma therapy, which all come under the umbrella of experiential therapy including:

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

• Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP)

• Parts Work Therapy including Ego States Therapy and Internal Family Systems Therapy

• Somatic Experiencing Therapy
  

How Will You Know When You're on the Path to Healing an Attachment Trauma?

There is no quick fix for healing attachment trauma, but Experiential Therapy, like EMDR, AEDP, Somatic Experiencing and Parts Work tend to be more effective than regular talk therapy for healing trauma (see my article: Why Experiential Therapy is More Effective Than Talk Therapy to Overcome Trauma).

Since you might not have experienced emotionally supportive relationships when you were a child, you will probably need time to develop a therapeutic rapport with your trauma therapist, so it's good to be aware of this as you start trauma therapy (see my article: Can You Learn to Trust Your Therapist If You Weren't Able to Trust Your Family?).

Signs that might be part of your path to healing an attachment trauma include but are not limited to:

• You're beginning to respond instead of react to stress

• You're starting to feel safer in your body

• You're getting better at setting boundaries

• You're becoming more aware of when you feel ashamed, guilty or humiliated when there's no objective reason to feel that way

• You're beginning to feel less anxious

• You're becoming aware that your depression is beginning to lift

• You're starting to make healthier choices in relationships

• You're feeling less anxious, avoidant or disorganized in a healthy relationship

• You're cutting back or you have stopped drinking excessively

• You're cutting back or you have stopped misusing drugs

• You're feeling less inclined to gamble compulsively

• You're less inclined to overspend

• You're less inclined to overeat during times of stress 

• You no longer feel comfortable in enmeshed relationships

• You're prioritizing self care

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

If you're struggling with attachment trauma, you're not alone.

Healing Attachment Trauma in Trauma Therapy

A skilled trauma therapist can help you to overcome unresolved trauma.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who is a trauma therapist.

Trauma therapy can help you to free yourself from your traumatic past so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.