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It is a little known fact that approximately 10-20% of all pregnancies end in a miscarriage.
The actual number might be even higher because most miscarriages occur early in the pregnancy and many women don't even realize they had a miscarriage.
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| Coping With Pregnancy Loss |
Some of these women don't even realize they were pregnant before they had a miscarriage.
Coping With Pregnancy Loss
The sense of loss for women and their partners can be profound and isolating because, unlike other losses, there are no funerals or rituals to process this loss with their loved ones.
In addition, family and friends are often not emotionally supportive.
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| Coping With Pregnancy Loss |
Some loved ones can be emotionally invalidating by brushing off the loss and telling the woman and her partner, "Oh, you can just try again" as if there was no loss at all involved with the miscarriage.
Aside from feeling the sadness of the loss, many women also feel ashamed and guilty because they believe they did something to cause the loss--even when it's objectively clear that they didn't.
Many loved ones believe a miscarriage is no loss at all because they believe there wasn't enough time for the woman to develop an emotional attachment. But this negates the fact that the woman and her partner had a dream of having a child and now that dream is lost.
Difficulty Grieving Pregnancy Loss
Many women and their partners never grieve for pregnancy loss, but the trauma of the miscarriage lives within them and between them.
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| Coping With Pregnancy Loss |
The lack of rituals to grieve the loss with loved ones often leads the woman and her partner to suppress their emotions about the loss so they can "move on" and try to get pregnant again.
What Are the Possible Consequences of Not Grieving a Pregnancy Loss?
Failing to process the loss can result in physical, emotional and relationship difficulties:
Physical symptoms might include:
- Fatigue
- Sleep disturbance
- Change in appetite (either under-eating or over-eating)
- Physical discomfort
Emotional symptoms might include:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder)
- Guilt
- Shame
- Complicated grief where the grief becomes prolonged and intense
- Isolation due to avoiding the judgment of others
Relationship difficulties might include:
- Difficulty communicating about their feelings about the miscarriage including fear of talking about the loss
- Problems being sexual with each other after the loss
- A higher risk of a breakup as compared to couples who experience a live birth
How to Cope With Pregnancy Loss
- Be Emotionally Supportive of Each Other: Even though you and your partner might not feel the same way about the pregnancy loss, be supportive of each other.
- Get Emotional Support From Loved Ones Who Understand: You want to confide in people who will be supportive and who will not make you feel emotionally invalidated. Anyone who would be likely to dismiss your feelings by saying, "Just move on and try to get pregnant again" isn't the right person to confide in.
- Grieve the Loss of the Pregnancy and Your Dream of Having a Baby At That Point in Your Life: Grieve in any way that is meaningful to you. Each of you might have different ways of grieving. Respect that. There is no one "right way" to grieve a pregnancy loss.
- Get Help in Therapy: Get help in couples therapy with a supportive therapist who helps clients with grief, especially grief related to a miscarriage. If your partner refuses to go, at first, start going yourself and your partner might join you in time.
Seeking Help in Therapy For Pregnancy Loss
You and your partner might not be ready to seek help in therapy immediately after the pregnancy loss, but don't struggle too long with your loss by yourselves.
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| Seeking Help in Therapy For Pregnancy Loss |
A compassionate psychotherapist who has experience helping clients with loss can help you to grieve your loss so you don't develop the physical, emotional and relational problems mentioned above.
Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional has the expertise to help you to work through your loss.
Also See My Article:
About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.
I have helped many individual adults and couples to overcome grief.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
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