Overcoming the Need to Be Everyone's Caregiver

The need to be everyone's caretaker often starts in childhood in a family where a young child feels she must be the one to protect and take care of the rest of the family (see my article: The Trauma of the Family "Hero" in a Dysfunctional Family and How to Stop Being the Rescuer in Your Family of Origin).

The Need to Be Everyone's Caretaker Often Starts at a Young Age

While being the caretaker might help a child to feel that her family life is less out of control, there are many problems with trying to be everyone's caretaker over the course of a lifetime (see my article: Overcoming Codependency: Taking Care of Yourself First,  Dynamics of Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families and Reacting to the Present Based on the Past).

Let's take a look at a fictionalized vignette which illustrates these dynamics:

Amy
Amy was the oldest of four children who grew up in a chaotic family.

Her parents were both active alcoholics who were constantly losing their jobs due to alcohol-related reasons.  They were often out of the house, sometimes for days, and none of the children knew where they were.  When they were home, they were frequently drunk and fighting with each other.

The Need to Be Everyone's Caretaker Often Starts at a Young Age

At an early age, Amy stepped into the parental role with her siblings, cooking, cleaning and assuming overall responsibility for their care.

She also intervened on her siblings' behalf when their father got angry with them and wanted to hit them.  She would step in front of her siblings and tell the father to hit her instead.

Despite the problems at home, Amy did well in school.  Eventually, she got a scholarship to go to the college that she had always wanted to go to, but she turned it down because she was afraid to leave her siblings alone with her parents.  Instead, she went to a local college to maintain her parental role and protect her siblings.

Amy didn't move out of the house until her younger siblings were independent and on their own.

Even then, she had some doubts about moving out because she feared that her parents' alcoholism had gotten so bad that they wouldn't be able to function on their own.  But she also longed to have her own place and have a life of her own, so she moved out.

She would usually go to her parents' house on the weekends to check in on them, something that none of her other siblings did because they had so much resentment towards them.

Although she did as much as she could for them over the weekends, her parents were usually so drunk that they barely noticed that she was there.

It wasn't until her father's doctor warned him that her father stopped drinking.  Shortly after that, he left Amy's mother for another woman.  Shocked by her husband's abandonment, Amy's mother moved in with her mother and also stopped drinking.

Amy was doing well in her job and she received several promotions.

A few years later, a new CEO took over and began to make changes which worried Amy and her colleagues.

They were very concerned about some of the directives that they were given by senior management under the new CEO.  At best, some of these directives were questionable and, at worst, some were clearly unethical.

Since Amy was accustomed to being in the caretaking role, she assumed that role at work with her colleagues.  She was the one that her colleagues came to when they were upset about these changes.  She always made time to listen to them, often giving up her lunch hour or staying late at work.

The Need to Be Everyone's Caretaker Often Begins in Childhood and Continues Into Adulthood

Although Amy wasn't in a position to challenge the CEO, she spoke to her director on behalf of colleagues and herself to let him know about their concerns.

After he listened attentively, he told Amy that this situation was out of his hands and he felt there was nothing that he or anyone else could do.  He also confided in her that he was looking for another job and advised her to do the same.

Over time, Amy became anxious and developed insomnia.  She knew that, for her own well-being, she couldn't stay at this company.  But she also felt responsible for the well-being of her colleagues and she didn't want to desert them.

Eventually, she began therapy for help with this dilemma:  She felt that her choices were to either take care of herself and abandon her colleagues or remain there to be supportive and her health would continue to deteriorate.

Over time, her therapist helped her to discover the underlying reasons why it felt so compelling to Amy to take care of her colleagues.

Amy was able to make the connection between her childhood history of being the caretaker in her family and her current situation with feeling she had to remain in a bad work environment to take care of her colleagues (see my article: Psychotherapy to Overcome Your Past Childhood Trauma).

Gradually, she began to see that in her family, she felt compelled to be the caretaker so that life at home didn't feel so out of control, and in her work situation, she also felt the need to be the caretaker in another dysfunctional situation (see my article: How Your Workplace Can Feel Like a Dysfunctional Family).

Several months later, Amy was contacted by a search firm that found her profile online and wanted to refer her to another job.  It sounded like a great opportunity to Amy, and they were sure that Amy would be the perfect fit for this job.

Although, on one level Amy was happy to get this call, on another level, it made her feel even more conflicted about what to do.

When Amy's therapist explored this with her and asked her under what circumstances she would feel comfortable with taking another job, the first thing that came to Amy's mind was that she would only feel good about leaving after her colleagues were comfortably situated in other jobs.

Hearing herself say that, Amy realized that this was exactly how she felt about her siblings--she couldn't allow herself to leave the home until each of her siblings was out of the house and independent.

All along, Amy's anxiety and insomnia was worsening, and she was increasingly concerned about her health.

Over time, her therapist helped Amy to distinguish between her younger siblings, who really couldn't take care of themselves vs. her colleagues, who were competent and resourceful adults.

Amy realized on a deep emotional level, not just on an intellectual level, that her colleagues would survive without her help.

She also looked at, for the first time in her life, the price that she paid for being the caretaker in her family--the social events that she missed, the school clubs that she didn't participate in, the dates she didn't go on, the sacrifice of not going to the college she wanted to go to, and many other missed opportunities.

She also understood that her emotional needs weren't taken care of in her family when she was a child, and now she wasn't taking care of her needs (see my article: Psychotherapy Can Help You to Understand Your Emotional Needs).

Making the distinction between the past and the present and acknowledging that she no longer wanted to be so self sacrificing enabled Amy to accept a great job offer (see my article: Working Through Emotional Trauma in Psychotherapy: Learning to Separate "Then" From "Now").

Overcoming the Need to Be Everyone's Caretaker

Getting to the point where she could do this wasn't easy or quick (see my article: Beyond the "Band Aid" Approach in Psychotherapy).

There were a complex array of early problems to be worked through.  But Amy stuck with her work in therapy and she stopped trying to be everyone's caretaker.

She also began attending Al-Anon as another resource to help her learn to focus on herself first (see my article: Al-Anon: Beyond Reciting Slogans).

Conclusion
Becoming a caretaker at a young age often results in trying to be everyone's caretaker as an adult.

It's understandable that a young child in Amy's situation would want to do whatever she could to try to help her siblings as well as help herself to feel less out of control.

But one of the problems with this is that it comes with big sacrifices to the child who assumes this role with regard to many missed opportunities that can never be regained.

Another problem is that it often sets a pattern for how this child will function later on as an adult with all the dilemmas involved with taking care of oneself vs. taking care of others.

In addition, it increases the likelihood that, as an adult, the person who tries to be a caretaker to everyone will choose relationships with people who have many problems, including substance abuse, gambling and other serious problems, and try to "fix" their significant others.

The person who takes on the caretaker role often feels that he or she can resolve whatever problems another person has regardless of the problems.

This is a kind of inflated sense of self that the child fools him or herself into believing at a young age in order to believe that s/he can do whatever it takes to solve the family's problems.

And while this might have saved the child from feeling despair at the time, it creates a false sense of self and continues to perpetuate these caretaker dynamics (see my article: Understanding the False Self).

Getting Help in Therapy
Trying to be everyone's caretaker is a problem that many people struggling with as adults.

Many people come to therapy when they find themselves in what they perceive to be a no-win situation of taking care of themselves vs taking care of others.

Aside from the emotional anguish involved, trying to be everyone's caretaker often results in physical problems, including anxiety-related problems: insomnia, headaches, stomach problems, high blood pressure and so on.

The dilemma is often too great to resolve on their own, so they seek the help of a psychotherapist.

People who have this problem often discover that once they no longer feel compelled to be a caretaker for others, they have increased vitality and happiness in their own life.

If you recognize yourself as being someone who tries to be everyone's caretaker with all the problems  involved in these dynamics, you owe it to yourself to help from a licensed mental health professional (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist and How Psychotherapy Can Help You to Develop a New Perspective About Yourself and Others).

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many individuals to overcome problems with taking care of everyone else and not taking care of themselves.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What Can Employers Do to Prevent Workplace Burnout?

In my prior articles, including Managing Your Stress: The Consequences of Workplace Burnout, What Are the Telltale Signs of Workplace Burnout? and What to Do If You're Experiencing Workplace Burnout, I focused on what employees can do to avoid burnout.  In this article, my focus is on what employers can do to help prevent burnout at work.

What Can Employers Can Do to Prevent Workplace Burnout?

What Employers Can Do to Prevent Workplace Burnout:

• Set the Tone for the Workplace Environment:  Managers who are able to stay calm during stressful times at work become models for employees on how to handle stress and prevent burnout.  Employees will feel more confident in their managers during stressful times and they are more likely to follow the manager's lead if s/he demonstrates good stress management skills.  So, managers need to learn good stress management skills and be aware of how they are coming across.  This is in everyone's best interest in terms of developing a healthy work environment, meeting company goals, retaining good employees, and satisfying shareholders and other stakeholders.

• Improve Communication With Your Employees:  It is especially important during stressful times, when there might be uncertainty at workplace, to share information in a clear and effective manner.  One of the worst things that can happen during uncertain times is for the rumor mill to escalate with false information due to a lack of information and clear communication.  Be clear about employees' jobs and their roles, and avoid being mean spirited and petty.  It's best to maintain an open-door policy, which is more than just words, in a collegial atmosphere so that employees feel comfortable coming to you and will know that their manager will listen with an open mind.  Be generous with praise and provide constructive criticism in a balanced way within the context of overall work performance, not just related to negative isolated incidents.  Harassment should never be tolerated.

Improve Communication With Your Employees

• Provide Opportunities For Employees to Share in the Decision-making Process:  Wherever possible, especially in instances where decisions will affect employees' jobs, allow employees to participate in the decision-making process.  A collaborative process might take longer than if a manager just dictates what s/he wants but, in the long run, it will make it more likely that employees will buy into changes and also increase the likelihood of a smoother transition during stressful times of change.  It will also help to demonstrate that employees are valued.

• Make Sure that the Workload is Realistic:  Due to years of downsizing, many employees are doing the work of two or more people.  This often leads to burnout.  Managers need to ensure that the workload is realistic and that each employee is given tasks that are in keeping with his or her skills, abilities and experience.  

• Provide Opportunities for Career Development:  Good employees are more likely to stay if there are opportunities to learn and grow as well as being compensated fairly for their work.  Having to replace employees, who feel like they're stagnating, usually costs more than finding opportunities for career development.

Provide Opportunities for Career Development 

• Encourage Employees to Balance Their Work and Personal Lives:  To avoid burnout, it's important for employees to take vacation time to relax and recharge and to spend time with their families.  When managers model this behavior for employees, they will be more likely to strive for this balance (see my article: Balancing Your Career and Personal Life).

• Work Through Your Own Personal Problems That Are Affecting You at Work:  Managers who aren't dealing with their own personal issues and who allow these issues to negatively impact their ability to manage at work should get help.  Without even realizing it, managers, whose personal problems are spilling over into the workplace, can displace their unhappiness and anger on the employees that they manage.  Not only does this create a negative work environment and increase the likelihood of burnout for employees, it also reflects poorly on these managers.  In two prior articles,  Careers: Are You a Bully at Work? and Dealing With a Difficult Boss, I discuss workplace bullies, who often displace their own feelings about problems  in their personal life on their employees.  This is just one of many ways that managers who aren't working on their personal problems can contribute to workplace burnout.

Getting Help in Therapy
Being a manager can be very challenging, especially if your manager is difficult to deal with or you feel caught between wanting to treat your employees fairly and a disregard for employees from top management.

Often managers, who might be open to their employees, have nowhere to go with their own stressors and concerns at the workplace.

Getting Help in Therapy

Also, as mentioned earlier, if you're aware that problems in your personal life are having a negative impact on your employees and your overall work performance, you owe it to yourself, your loved ones and your employees to get help to work through those issues with a licensed mental health practitioner who has expertise in this area.

By getting help in therapy, not only will it help you to be a better manager, it will also help you personally to lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

Prior to becoming a licensed therapist, I was a human resources manager, so one of my specialties is helping clients with workplace issues.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Managing Your Stress: What to Do If You Are Experiencing Workplace Burnout?

In my two prior articles,  Managing Your Stress: The Consequences of Workplace Burnout and What Are the Telltale Signs of Workplace Burnout?, I began addressing workplace burnout in terms of the consequences to both employees and employers as well as some telltale signs to watch out for to recognize burnout in yourself.  In this article, I'll begin to address what you can do if you're experiencing workplace burnout.

Managing Your Stress:  What to Do If You Are Experiencing Workplace Burnout

Of course, everyone and every situation is different, so no list of suggestions will work for everyone.

Generally, in my opinion, as a psychotherapist who has worked with many clients who have experienced burnout, the following suggestions are usually helpful (in no particular order):

• Develop an Increased Awareness About Yourself:  The ancient Greek aphorism, "Know thyself" is an important concept when it comes to avoiding burnout as well as in other aspects of life.   Many people develop full-fledged burnout because they have little to no awareness of themselves on a physical and emotional level, so burnout, which takes a while to develop, can seem to sneak up on them.   So, it's important to recognize the signs of workplace burnout in yourself.  Also, even for many people, who actually do recognize the signs of burnout, they're so accustomed to plowing ahead that they override their own good judgment about when to stop working and take a break.

• Take Breaks at Work:  For many people, it might seem counter-intuitive, but the old saying "less is more" is fitting when it comes to workplace burnout.  Rather than pushing yourself to work through lunch and forgo taking breaks during the day, you can actually be more productive as well as avoid burnout if you take breaks during the day at work.  Taking a much-needed break during the day, going for a walk at lunch or even taking a few minutes to stretch and breathe can help you to relax and regroup.

Avoiding Workplace Burnout:  Take Breaks at Work

• Take Time Off From Work to Go on Vacation:  Many people choose to give up vacation days to remain at work.  As a nation, Americans actually give up millions of vacation days a year, which is a big mistake, especially if you're hoping to avoid burnout.  If you treat yourself like you're a machine, you're going to break down.  And even machines break down without proper care.  Not only will going on vacation help you to relax and regroup, it often gives you an new perspective about work and life in general, which can make you more creative and productive.

Avoiding Workplace Burnout: Take Vacations

• Develop Stress Management Strategies:  Whether you choose to go to the gym, yoga class, meditation class or whatever activities you enjoy, it's important to develop effective stress management strategies, especially if you have a stressful job and you hope to avoid burnout.  When clients come to see me in my psychotherapy private practice in NYC, I often work with them to help them develop healthy coping and stress management strategies, including learning to meditate and engage in stress-reducing breathing techniques.

• Cultivate and Maintain Close Personal Relationships:  As human beings, we are born to bond and attach with significant others.  Initially, we bond with our primary caregivers, which in most cases is our mother, and later on, we learn to develop significant friendships and relationships outside the family.  When people spend too much time on work-related activities, one of the first things to go is the time they spend with significant others, including spouses, children and friends.  Aside from the enjoyable aspects of close relationships, we need the love and support from those relationships and they need us, so it's important to develop and maintain these relationships in order to maintain a sense of well-being.

• Develop and Engage in Self Care Strategies  Self care is made up of many different aspects, including:  getting enough rest, eating properly, getting exercise, and other things that are particularly meaningful and nurturing for you (see my article:  Self Care: Feeling Entitled to Take Care of Yourself).

• Develop Realistic Expectations of What You Can and Can't Accomplish at Work:  Having unrealistic expectations about what you can and can't accomplish at work is a sure sign that you might be heading for workplace burnout if you're not already there.  This is a particular problem for ambitious high achievers experienced in the workplace as well as college graduates who are beginning their first job.  College grads, who were accustomed to being in an intellectually and emotionally stimulating environment in college, are often surprised to discover that even the most interesting job can have certain required mind-numbing aspects to it.  This often leads to disappointment and, at times, to burnout.

Avoiding Workplace Burnout: Be Realistic About What You Can and Cannot Do

• Be Assertive:  Depending upon your work environment, you might need to learn to tactfully say "no" every so often when you know that accepting an assignment or participating in an extra project will lead to burnout.  Of course, this assumes that you have enough of an awareness of yourself and you place a high level of importance on self care.  If it's not possible to say "no" because doing so would lead to losing your job, then you might want to consider the next category below, re-evaluating your career.

• Re-Evaluate Your Career:  Before you begin a particular career, you might assume that you know what's involved, but it's usually only when you might start to realize that what you expected and what it turned out to be are two very different things.  I had a friend who became a nurse years ago because she wanted to "help people."  She had a wonderful experience in nursing school.  But when she became a hospital nurse, she discovered that what she wanted and what it turned out to be were completely different.  After trying different work environments, she realized that it wasn't any particular environment--the problem was that nursing, while being a wonderful profession, just wasn't for her.  So, she left nursing and became a licensed massage therapist, and she discovered that she loved it and she was better suited for this profession.  So many people think that they have to stick it out in a profession where they've unhappy.  They feel ashamed, as if it's their fault.  But life is short and if you have the option of doing what you would like, it's better to re-evaluate your career and take steps to do what makes you happy.

Avoiding Workplace Burnout: Re-Evaluate Your Career

• Recognize Your Profession Might Have Changed and It's Not What You Want Anymore:  Another reason why people often re-evaluate their careers is that their field might have changed over time.  Many medical doctors, under the strain of significant changes in the health care field, have re-evaluated their career choices and choose a different career or, depending upon their particular situation, have opted to retire.

Future Articles Related to Workplace Burnout
Workplace burnout is a huge topic and a significant problem for many employees.  Since many of the issues I've raised in this article are broad, I'll be addressing some of them in future articles.

Getting Help in Therapy
We all need help sometimes when going it alone is too difficult.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you're concerned that you might be burning out at work or you've already developed full-fledged burnout, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional who has experience in helping clients to overcome this problem.

Working with a licensed therapist with expertise in this area, you can learn to take care of yourself and lead a happier life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients in my psychotherapy practice to avoid or overcome both personal and professional burnout.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Managing Your Stress: What Are the Telltale Signs of Workplace Burnout?

In a prior article, Managing Your Stress: The Consequences of Workplace Burnout, I discussed the consequences for workplace burnout for both employees and employers.  In this article, I'm focusing on how you, as an employee, can recognize the telltale signs of workplace burnout.

Managing Your Stress:  What Are the Telltale Signs of Workplace Burnout?

Telltale Signs of Burnout
As I mentioned in my prior article, burnout doesn't occur overnight.  It usually occurs over a span of time, often without a person even realizing it, so it's important to recognize the telltale signs of burnout (outlined below) to avoid experiencing full-fledged burnout:

• Exhaustion:  Feeling emotionally and physically tired all or most of the time.  You feel like you have little or no energy even after you've rested or slept

• Problems Paying Attention or Concentrating:  Prolonged stress that leads to burnout can create cognitive problems related to paying attention or concentration.  When relentless stress that causes burnout takes hold and you don't realize what's happening, it can be frightening, especially if you didn't have these cognitive problems before.

• Lack of Motivation :  Burnout can lead to your feeling that nothing you do will make a difference.  If burnout is severe, you might feel helpless and hopeless to effect change in your work or in yourself.

• Frustration and Cynicism:  Over time, burnout can cause you to feel frustrated and cynical about your work and life in general, which also affects your motivation.

• Not Taking Care of Yourself:  Burnout can lead to your not getting enough rest, poor sleep, poor eating habits, poor health, and overall poor self care.  Rather than maintaining a healthy and nurturing social life with people who are important to you in your personal life, you might be so focused on work that you forget to maintain a healthy work-life balance.

• Obsession With Work:  When you're not maintaining a healthy balance between work and personal life and not taking care of yourself, chances are good that you're obsessed about work even when you're not at work so that you don't get a break from work stressors, which is so important to recharging.

• Problems With Work Performance:  When you're obsessed with work and you're not getting enough downtime, your work performance can suffer.  There have been many studies that show that employees' work performance is better when they take breaks.

• Health Problems:  When you don't take care of yourself and you're experiencing burnout, you can develop stress-related health problems, including high blood pressure, heart problems, digestive problems and other related health problems.

Managing Your Stress:  Telltale Signs of Workplace Burnout: Health Problems

• Mental Health Problems:  Anxiety and depression are common problems as you become overwhelmed by burnout.  Anxiety and depression (or both) can make coping with workplace burnout all the more difficult, especially if these mental health problems remain untreated in therapy.

• Interpersonal Problems at Work: It's easy to see that if you're having problems with the issues listed above, you might become impatient and irritable with your boss or with coworkers, especially if you're suffering with the symptoms of burnout. 

• Interpersonal Problems at Home:  Likewise, when you're burnt out, it's very hard to leave work stressors at work, so when you get home, you could be snappy with your spouse or your children.  You might feel too exhausted to interact with them, which can create problems in your family relationships (see my article:  Workplace Stressors:  Are Your Workplace Stressors Affecting Your Family?)

In a future article about workplace burnout, I'll discuss some things you can do if you recognize that you have some or all of telltale signs listed above.

Getting Help in Therapy
As I discussed in my prior article, people often wait until they're experiencing full-fledged burnout (all or most of the symptoms listed above) before they seek help.

Getting Help in Therapy

Getting help from a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in helping clients with career or work-related issues can make all the difference between avoiding or overcoming workplace burnout.

If you identify with many of the telltale signs of burnout, you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to get help so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

One of my specialities is helping clients with career issues, and I have helped many clients to learn how to manage stress and develop healthy stress management strategies to avoid or overcome workplace burnout.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Managing Your Stress: The Consequences of Workplace Burnout

People often come to see me in my psychotherapy private practice in NYC about career and work-related issues.  One of the biggest issues that many people are struggling with today is how to cope with the ever increasing demands at the workplace without burning out.

Managing Your Stress: The Consequences of Workplace Burnout

What is Burnout?
Burnout is a chronic state of stress that can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion.

Burnout isn't something that happens overnight.  It usually occurs over time.

Unfortunately, especially among high achievers who are ambitious and driven, people often don't realize that they're suffering from the effects of burnout until they experience serious negative consequences.

When someone is experiencing full-fledged burnout, he or she has difficulty functioning personally as well as professionally.  In the most severe cases, they might not be able to function at all.

Whether you work in finance, healthcare, social services, education or any other field, burnout has become a serious problem which has negative consequences for employees as well as employers.

Negative Consequences for Employers:

• increased absenteeism
• increased staff turnover
• increased inefficiency
• increased costs (in the billions)
• increased Workers Compensation claims
• decreased productivity
• decreased morale
• decreased quality of service
• decreased customer satisfaction and increased complaints
• decreased creativity and innovation

Negative Consequences for Employees:

• increased stress
• increased health problems, including sleep problems
• increased mental health problems, including anxiety and/or depression
• increased sense of autonomy and a sense of helplessness
• increased alcohol and substance abuse problems as well as other addictive behavior
• increased marital problems as work stressors spill over into home life
• decreased work satisfaction
• decreased camaraderie among staff

Employers Have a Responsibility to Help Employees Avoid or Overcome Workplace Burnout
Since the consequences of burnout has such a significant impact for employees and employers, it's important for organizations to create a healthy work environment to avoid burnout or, if burnout is already an issue, to find creative ways to address it (more about this in future articles).

Managing Your Stress: The Consequences of Workplace Burnout

Employees Can Develop Stress Management Strategies to Deal With Workplace Burnout
Since it's important for employees to learn ways to manage their stress to avoid burnout, I often address this issue in therapy sessions with clients, who are either suffering from the consequences of burnout or are on the verge of burning out, by teaching them tools for managing their stress including, among other things, learning to balance their work and home life and learning breathing and meditation techniques.

In future articles, I'll address what employers and employees can do to deal with workplace burnout.

Getting Help in Therapy
People often wait until they're mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted before they get help for burnout.

Getting Help in Therapy

At that point, they might already be feeling the effects of poor health and mental health due to prolonged stress and exhaustion.

Often, by the time people begin therapy, their relationships with family members are suffering due to bringing their work stressors home (see my article:  Workplace: Are Your Work Stressors Affecting Your Family?)

Rather than wait, it's better to get help early on to learn how to manage your stress as well as addressing any work issues that could be triggering personal issues or vice versa.

Getting help early can help you to avoid burnout and thrive both personally and professionally.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

One of my specialties is helping clients with career issues.

I have worked with many clients to help them avoid or overcome workplace burnout.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.

Also see my article:  Managing Your Stress: What Are the Signs of Workplace Burnout?

Workplace: Being Around Negative Coworkers Can Have a Negative Impact on Your Mood

Spending time around coworkers who are habitually negative can have a negative impact on your mood and you might not even realize it.  It's very easy to start resonating with the negative mood of the people around you.  

Workplace: Negative Coworkers Can Have a Negative Impact on Your Mood

The opposite is also true:  When you're around coworkers who tend to be positive, it can be uplifting.

Being around negative people at work can be draining.  This is a common problem in the workplace and in life in general.

Recognize the Difference Between Someone Who is a Chronic Complainer and Someone Who Needs Support in Particular Situations
I want to emphasize that there will be times when your coworkers (or you) will need emotional support for work-related issues. So, it's important to be able to distinguish between a coworker who habitually complains and is negative and someone who needs support in a particular situation.  When you first meet a coworker, you might not be able to tell the difference at first.


If you work full time, you probably spend a lot of time around your coworkers, and you don't want to be aloof or standoffish.  After all, maintaining good working relationships is important on any job and can make your work life a lot smoother.

Showing empathy and compassion for someone who is going through a rough patch can help you to form bonds with your coworkers.

Negative Coworkers Tend to Be Negative Most of the Time
When I refer to negative coworkers, I'm not referring to people who happen to be going through a difficult time.  I'm referring to people who tend to be negative most of the time because this is how they are, regardless of the circumstances at work or in their personal lives.


While it's important to be empathetic and compassionate, if you find that being supportive of people who are habitually negative has no effect--in other words, no matter what you do or suggest, they remain negative, you need to take care of yourself.

You might not be able to completely avoid negative coworkers, but if you've tried to be supportive, but your coworker has a habit of complaining without taking constructive action to change things, you can try to some of the tips I've outlined below.

Tips for Dealing With Habitually Negative Coworkers
The following suggestions are general tips for dealing with negative coworkers.  Every situation will be different, so you'll have to use your own judgment as to whether these suggestions will work for you in your particular situation:

Try to Change the Subject
Rather than engaging in the negativity, if you've tried to be supportive and your coworker continues to be habitually negative, try changing the subject.

Stay Away From Certain Topics
People who tend to be negative are often triggered by certain topics, like a difficult boss or a new company policy that's unpopular among employees.  So, try to stay away from these topics and talk about neutral topics, like hobbies, the movies and other forms of light conversation that are neutral.

Set Limits and Limit Contact With Your Coworker Who Is Negative
You don't have to spend endless time talking to a coworker who is negative and sapping your energy.  You can find ways, like "remembering" that you have an important phone call to make or an assignment that you need to complete, to end a conversation with a negative coworker.  If possible, try to limit your contact with this coworker.

Don't Add "Fuel to the Fire"
It can be very tempting to jump right in and engage in your own complaints.  But, even if you have legitimate complaints, it's best not to add more "fuel to the fire" with someone who is a habitual complainer.

For one thing, you might find your complaint to be the focus of office gossip as this person uses your problem to continue to expound his or her own negativity in the office.  If this happens, it could get back to your boss and will put you in a negative light, at best, or get you fired, at worst.

If you're stuck in a situation where you can't get away, for whatever reason, it's better to respond with neutral comments if you feel compelled to respond.

Don't Take Your Coworker's Comments Personally
People who are habitually negative often don't realize that they're being insensitive or tactless.  At some point, you might find yourself on the receiving end of your negative coworker's comments.  The important thing is not to take it personally.  Recognize that this person might have poor interpersonal skills, and let it go at that.

Use the "Bubble Technique"
There will be times when you won't be able to avoid negative coworkers.  It's also possible that you work in an environment that, overall, tends to be negative with many dissatisfied and complaining coworkers.

If you can't find a way to take constructive action to change the things that you and coworkers might not like, until you can make a change, rather than resonating with a negative environment, you can use your imagination to practice the "bubble technique" where you picture yourself surrounded by a protective see-through bubble.

Many of my therapy clients have found this to be effective, especially if they don't have offices where they can close the door to take some time for themselves or if they work in a cubicle.

To use the "bubble technique," you use your imagination to feel as if there's a clear bubble around you that doesn't allow the negativity that's floating around the office to get to you.

Although this might sound a little "woo-woo" at first, after people get good at imagining this bubble, they feel a sense of relief to be able to delineate a space between themselves and others in the negative environment.

The Importance of Self Care 
It's important to be able to take care of yourself around coworkers who are habitually negative so you don't become physically and emotionally depleted by them.

Aside from the "bubble technique" that I mentioned above, many therapy clients, who tell me that they have negative coworkers at their workplace, have found other creative and effective ways of taking care of themselves.

Some of them, who work in places where it's permissible, wear headphones at times to listen to relaxing music and to make themselves less available when they know that a particularly negative coworker is around.

Finding your own way of coping with negative coworkers will allow you to focus on your work and your own personal and professional development.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.  

I have helped many clients to overcome personal and professional obstacles so they can lead fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Balancing Your Personal Life and Your Career

It seems to me that, for a variety of reasons, it's getting harder to balance a successful career with a fulfilling personal life.  

As a psychotherapist in New York City, I often hear therapy clients lament the fact that their career has taken over so much of their time that they have less and less time for their personal lives (see my article: Living a Balance Life as a Path to Happiness).

Balancing Your Personal Life and Career

Being Too Available After Work Hours
With all our technological advances, many people are finding themselves overloaded with information and the demands of being available nearly 24/7.  

Even for people who want to have more of a balance between their work and personal life, they feel compelled to be available after work hours because of the competitive nature of their careers.  

They often tell me that they fear that if they don't make themselves available when they're home, their colleagues, who are more available, will surpass them at work.

The dilemma is that when you're unable to set boundaries so that your work isn't encroaching upon your personal time, you're often less productive.  And, in the long run, you're much more likely to suffer burnout.  

After all, you're human--you're not a machine--and even machines break down after a while if they're not maintained.

So how can balance your career and your personal life so that you can take care of yourself?

Here are some tips:

Quality of Life: Weigh Your Career Options and Consider Your Priorities
Before you accept a new job, consider how demanding the job will be and how it will affect your personal life.

If you know that you'd be unhappy with a job where you would be expected to spend a lot of extra time, which would take away from your personal life, think about how this will affect the quality of your life.

Some people, who are new to their careers, are willing to spend a lot of extra time at the start of their careers as opposed to people who are in the late stage of their careers.  Only you can decide what's right for you.

If you have a spouse or significant other, you would be wise to consult with him or her about how this might affect your relationship.  Relationships need to be nurtured and there's no substitute for time together.

I'm aware that this isn't as simple as it sounds.  

Many people take demanding jobs because they are lucrative and the money could pay for a home, their children's education, nice vacations and other things that are desirable.  

But once they're in the job, they discover that the job is so demanding that they don't even have time to take the vacations that they fantasized about because they're too busy at work.

The Importance of Self Care

Take Breaks During the Workday
Cumulative stress and burnout are more common today than they were 15 or 20 years ago. Economic uncertainty and workplace insecurities often keep employees going like a gerbil on a wheel.

But even if you have a very stressful job, there are often times when you can take breaks, even if it's for 20-30 minutes to regroup.  Usually, people find that taking even a short break helps them to feel refreshed and reinvigorated for whatever tasks they're engaged in.

Take Vacations
Aside from taking daily breaks, it's very important to take a vacation away from work and away from your daily routine.

Many people are afraid to take a vacation because they feel their work will suffer if they're not around to do it.  Usually, it's just the opposite--getting away for a week or two actually allows you to come back refreshed.

Maintain Non-Work-Related Interests
When all you do is focus on your work and you have no interests or hobbies outside of work, you don't give yourself a chance to leave your work behind.

Just like taking breaks at work is important, having other interests that are non-work related will often make you a more well rounded and creative person.  You'll come back to your work projects refreshed.

Allow Time For Your Spouse/Significant Other, Family and Friends
Scheduling pleasurable activities with your spouse, partner, family and friends are essential to nurturing your close relationships.

It's so easy to allow yourself to become so inundated by work that you neglect your relationship with your spouse or significant other.  

In a prior blog article, Creating Special Times Together, I discuss the importance of taking the time to create special times for your relationship.

Getting Help in Therapy
Many people have difficulty balancing their career and personal life and they need help.  

If you're having problems, you could benefit from seeing a licensed mental health practitioner who has experiencing helping people to create balance in their lives.

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients to live more balanced and fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my web site:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Coping With Workplace Stress: 5 Things You Can Do to Reduce Your Stress at Work

I've been hearing more and more from clients and friends about how excessive work demands have been taking a toll on their stress levels.  With fewer employees, companies are expecting the remaining employees to pick up the slack and, often, ask them to take on  the duties of two or more former employees.  This often causes a lot of stress and fatigue, so that even when they're home with their loved ones, they're too tired and stressed out to spend quality time with them.

Coping With Workplace Stress

Consider the Consequences of Stress to Your Health and Personal Relationships
Before you sign on for extra work projects, it would be wise for you to consider the consequences of taking on this extra work and stress to your health and your personal relationships.  An optimal amount of stress (whatever is optimal for you personally) can help you to focus and accomplish tasks.  But when stress is excessive, as it usually is when you're taking on too many work tasks, it can compromise your immune system.

Over time, if you get little or no relief from the stress, it can cause you to develop stress-related illnesses like headaches, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), high blood pressure, heart problems and other chronic illnesses.

5 Things You Can Do to Reduce Stress at Work

• Go out for a short walk: This sounds so simple, but it can really make a difference to go out for a short walk (longer, if you can) to get away, even for 10 or 15 minutes from work stress.  Rather than having lunch at your desk and trying to do work, take a break and go out.  When you come back, you'll feel refreshed.

• Take a nap at lunch time:If you have your own office where you can close the door, set an alarm for 20 minutes or half an hour at lunch time and take a nap.  Taking a nap in the middle of the day can do wonders to help you feel revived.  People who take a short nap during the day usually feel revived after their nap, and they can approach their work with more energy.

• Listen to a guided meditation recording: There are so many different guided meditation recordings that you can download from the Internet.  I usually recommend that you set an alarm before you listen to the recording to make sure that you don't snooze away the rest of the day.  Guided meditations can help you to feel that you've gotten away for a while from your work environment, at least, on an emotional level.

• Get up, stretch and breathe: Rather than sitting hunched over your desk the entire day, get up at least once every hour or so and stretch.  Even simple stretches can help to relax tense muscles so you feel less stressed out.  When we're very stressed out, we sometimes breathe in a very shallow way.  When  you get up to stretch, check out whether you're taking full, relaxing breaths when you breathe or if you're taking shallow breaths.  Make a conscious effort to take a few deep breaths to calm yourself and help you to relax.

• Learn to say "no" when you can: This can be a tough one.  You know your boss and your work environment.  If there are times when you feel you can say "no" without jeopardizing your job, learn to say "no" at those times.  If you always accept extra assignments, the expectation will be that your boss can continue to overload you with extra work all of the time.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Your Workplace Could Feel Like a Dysfunctional Family

Workplace dynamics often mimic dysfunctional family dynamics.  It's no wonder that employees are often emotionally triggered by what goes on at work.

At Work:  Feeling Powerless and Like a Child Again
Over the years, I've heard many psychotherapy clients complain that the dynamics at work, especially  with difficult supervisors, often make them feel that they're back home again when they were children being chastised by their parents.

Your Workplace Could Feel Like a Dysfunctional Family

In many ways, workplace relationships can feel like familial relationships in both positive and negative ways.  When workplace relationships are positive, they can be a source of mutual support in much the same way that siblings support each other.

But when workplace relationships are negative, they can be as competitive and contentious as dysfunctional family members.

When employees come from family backgrounds where there was emotional or physical abuse, they can get emotionally triggered when they work for a difficult supervisor, especially a supervisor who is verbally abusive, demeaning or a bully.

Getting Emotionally Triggered at Work:  Re-Experiencing Childhood Trauma
Most of the time, people who get emotionally triggered at work don't realize it because this is often an unconscious process.

When they get emotionally triggered, they're not only dealing with the current situation but, without realizing it, they're also re-experiencing the emotions from the past.  If these feelings are especially overwhelming, they might realize that they're overreacting to the present situation, but they might not understand why or what's happening to them.

Some employees, who are emotionally triggered by the dysfunctional dynamics at work, might feel anxious or panicky.  They might feel powerless to deal with the situation at work in much the same way that they might have felt powerless when they were children.  If the situation goes on long enough, they might feel depressed.

If it's possible to get out of a dysfunctional work setting, it might be the best recourse.  But it's not always possible to leave.  And there's no guarantee that the next place won't have its own dysfunctional dynamics.

Getting Help in Therapy:  EMDR and Somatic Experiencing
Psychotherapy, like EMDR or Somatic Experiencing, can often help people to overcome the original trauma that is being triggered by the situation at work.

Both EMDR and Somatic Experiencing also help clients to develop emotional resources to deal with the stressors they're experiencing in the here-and-now and differentiate these stressors from the past.

Rather than getting triggered over and over again, if you're in a workplace environment that mimics a dysfunctional family, you could benefit from working with an EMDR or Somatic Experiencing therapist to help you overcome the trauma in your history as well as developing the emotional resources you need for your life now.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my web site:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Feeling Empowered to Make a Career Change

Most people like to feel a sense of power, a degree of autonomy and an enthusiasm in their work. Feeling empowered, appreciated, creative, and fairly compensated are all important factors that usually contribute to overall work satisfaction.

As a psychotherapist in New York City, I hear many stories from clients who are not satisfied with their work. They feel unappreciated, stifled, and stuck. Even though they feel uninspired by their current work, they're not sure what else they would like to do, and they come to see me to explore and overcome these issues.

Feeling Dissatisfied With Your Career

A Desire for Career Change
Sometimes, the desire for change might begin with a vague sense that work is not as satisfying as it once was. If this feeling continues to grow over time, it can lead to a certain malaise and inertia, especially if you don't take steps to at least explore other options.

Often, clients will tell me that they were once very happy with their work, but they're no longer satisfied. In many instances, the work is the same, the boss is the same, the colleagues remain the same, but something in these clients has changed.

Exactly what has changed in them is not always clear to them at first. But, often, on some level, they have outgrown their job and they want "more" or "something different."

Career Change Over the Span of a Life Time
It's not unusual these days to change careers several times over the span of a life time. Someone might start out in one type of career after college, often influenced by family or friends and, as time passes and they develop other interests, they desire something new. They might return to college or get a certification at a continuing education program to transition to another type of career.

Often, people in their 40s and 50s find that doing the same type of work that they've done for most of their lives no longer suits them. They want to continue to work and feel productive, but not in their current careers. They want something new that they can feel enthusiastic about. This doesn't necessarily mean that they're going through some sort of "mid-life crisis," as many people might say. It's just a common occurrence as people change and outgrow their current careers.

Retirement is Different Nowadays
It used to be that most people retired and that was that. They stayed home, rested, took it easy, and played with their grandchildren. And if that's what you want, that's okay.

But these days, many people, who retire in their 60s, 70s or later and who are in good health, don't usually want to stop working.

They want to work and feel productive in a career, but not doing the same type of work that they did for most of their lives. Maybe they stuck with a certain career because it afforded them a certain lifestyle, it paid for the mortgage and their children's college tuition or for other important reasons.

But for many people, now that they've retired from that career, they finally have the opportunity to do what they've always really wanted to do but couldn't do for whatever reasons.

For instance, I hear many stories about corporate executives who retire and decide to teach, teachers who retire and decide to go into sales, salespeople who retire and decide to start their own business, business owners who retire and decide to indulge their artistic side, and so on. If you're in good health and you no longer have the financial pressures and responsibilities that you once had, why not?

Feeling Stuck and Uninspired in Your Career?
Whatever your current career situation might be, if you're feel stuck and uninspired in your current work, you owe it to yourself to explore other options.

Networking and talking to other people about their work, especially if their work is different from what you do now, can give you some ideas. Doing some soul searching about what's important to you and what you could see yourself doing is also essential.

Start Taking Steps
The important thing is to start taking steps, no matter how small, to get yourself "unstuck" from your current situation.

Feeling Empowered to Make a Career Change

Getting Help in Therapy
For many people, who feel stuck in their careers and feel the need for career change, talking to a licensed mental health professional who has expertise in this area can be helpful in terms of getting unstuck.

About Me

I'm a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, and Somatic Experiencing therapist who is a former human resource manager.  

I work with individual adults and couples.  

I have helped many clients to get motivated so they can find fulfilling careers.

To find out more about me, visit my web site: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.