Intergenerational Trauma Therapy in NYC: Breaking the Cycle - Josephine Ferraro, LCSW

This article was updated on October 4, 2026.

How does a parent's past shape a child's future? Intergenerational trauma is the psychological process by which a caregiver's unresolved trauma impacts their child's development through distinct biological, psychological, and behavioral pathways. 

A double-exposure blending a mother, child, and plant roots—a visual metaphor for the deep relational and biological roots of intergenerational trauma addressed by specialized Trauma Therapist Josephine Ferraro, LCSW in Greenwich Village, NY 10011

This inheritance often alters a parent’s stress responses and relational style, unconsciously transferring emotional burdens onto the next generation. (Learn more about how this cycle starts in my comprehensive guide: What is Intergenerational Trauma?).

Disruptions in Parenting and Attachment

Unresolved trauma frequently impairs a parent's capacity to maintain a stable, nurturing environment, which is foundational for a child's healthy psychological growth. These challenges typically manifest through four relational dynamics:

Emotional Unavailability

A traumatized parent may suppress their own emotional pain through subconscious defense mechanisms like emotional detachment. This internal numbing makes it exceptionally difficult for them to remain emotionally attuned or responsive to a child's daily vulnerabilities and needs.

Insecure Attachment Styles

A caregiver carrying unresolved trauma is statistically more likely to establish an insecure attachment style—whether anxious, avoidant, or disorganized—with their children. This relational rupture often impairs the child's future ability to trust others or regulate their own nervous system.

Maladaptive Parenting Styles

When acting out of an active trauma response, a parent may lean into unhelpful behavioral styles. This includes authoritarian parenting (harsh, rigid discipline), permissive parenting (inconsistent or absent boundaries), or negligent caregiving.

Intense Emotional Triggers

Everyday parent-child interactions, such as a child's normal developmental tantrums or defiance, can trigger overwhelming, irrational emotional responses in the caregiver. These reactions are rooted entirely in the parent's past experiences rather than the present reality.

Psychological and Behavioral Outcomes for the Child

Children raised by parents with unresolved trauma are at a statistically higher risk for developing complex mental health and behavioral challenges:

• Internalizing Issues: These children frequently experience heightened rates of chronic anxiety, clinical depression, and deeply internalized low self-esteem.
• Externalizing Behaviors: There is a higher likelihood of behavioral aggression, defiance, and hyperactivity. These are often misinterpreted by schools or doctors as "misbehavior" rather than an active, adaptive trauma response.
• Chronic Hypervigilance: Children often become hyper-sensitive to their parent's shifting moods, constantly scanning faces and vocal tones to anticipate potential threats or outbursts.
• Parentification (Role Reversal): A child may feel a profound, inappropriate responsibility to "fix" their parent's mood or manage their emotional needs. This structural inversion is known clinically as parentification.
• Perfectionism as a Survival Strategy: For these children, perfectionism develops as a functional survival strategy rather than a natural personality trait. It serves as a psychological shield designed to manage an environment that feels unpredictable, unsafe, or emotionally demanding.

Biological and Neurobiological Impacts

According to research from the National Institutes of Health (NIH), parental trauma can lead to measurable changes in a child's baseline biology, sometimes occurring before birth:

Altered Brain Development

Maternal childhood trauma has been linked to smaller brain volume and weaker structural connectivity in the neural circuits responsible for emotional regulation—specifically the pathways running between the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex.

Dysregulated Stress Response Systems

Unresolved family trauma can structurally alter a child's hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis. This neurobiological disruption leads to abnormal baseline levels of cortisol, the body's primary stress hormone, leaving the child in a permanent state of fight, flight, or freeze.

Epigenetic Inheritance

Trauma can be transmitted across generations through epigenetic mechanisms. The chronic stress of a caregiver's past experience can actually alter gene expression in their offspring, leaving children biologically more vulnerable to environmental stress and chronic mental health conditions later in life.

Long-Term Physical Health Risks

The profound impact of growing up with a traumatized caregiver extends far into adulthood, significantly increasing risks highlighted in the landmark Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study:

• Chronic Diseases: Higher long-term rates of ischemic heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, and complex autoimmune disorders.
• Somatic Complications: Frequent, unexplained physical symptoms rooted in the nervous system, such as chronic headaches and somatic stomachaches.
• Maladaptive Coping Strategies: A greater statistical likelihood of engaging in high-risk behaviors, including substance abuse, overspending, or self-destructive patterns used to blunt internal pain.

Breaking Intergenerational Cycles with Trauma Therapy

The heavy burdens of intergenerational trauma do not have to be a permanent inheritance. Parents who carry unresolved trauma can effectively break these cycles by seeking specialized, evidence-based care. 

Trauma therapy allows adults to safely process their past wounds, unburden their nervous systems, and develop highly responsive, attuned parenting techniques.

About Josephine Ferraro, LCSW

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, advanced Trauma Specialist and Certified Sex Therapist.

For over two decades, I have helped individuals and couples break out of automatic survival loops, process developmental wounds, and establish healthy emotional boundaries. 

My private practice integrates cutting-edge, experiential, and somatic modalities, including:

• Somatic Experiencing (SE)
• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy
• Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) Parts Work
• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)
  
• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples
• Clinical Hypnosis (Hypnotherapy)
  
• Sex Therapy for Individuals and People in Relationships
  

I see clients in person at my private office in Greenwich Village, New York, NY 10011

and online throughout New York State.

Schedule a Free Phone Call

I provide a free 15-minute introductory phone call before scheduling your initial appointment.

• Website: Visit Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist to learn more about my clinical practice.
• Email: Reach out via email at josephineferraro@iCloud.com
• Phone: Call me directly at (917) 742-2624 during standard business hours.

Relationships: Insecure Attachment Styles Are on a Continuum

Emotionally Focused Therapist Julie Menanno has written a wonderful book for couples called Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime (see my article:  What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) For Couples?).

Attachment Styles Are on a Continuum

I recommend her book to my clients in my New York City private practice because it's written in an accessible and informative way for the general public.

Couples often read (or listen to) the book together and then discuss how the topics relate to their relationship.  The book supplements the work we do in therapy.

One of the topics in her book is attachment styles (see my article: How Your Attachment Style Can Affect Your Relationship).

Attachment Styles Aren't Fixed

One of the most common misconceptions about attachment styles is that you have the same attachment style in all your relationships throughout your life.

Attachment Styles Are on a Continuum

In other words, many people assume that if you have a particular attachment style in one relationship, you will have the same attachment style in all your relationships, but this isn't necessarily true.

Attachment styles develop at an early age, but you can have a particular attachment style with your mother and a different one with your father during the same time period (see my article: How Early Attachment Bonds Can Affect Your Adult Relationships).

Similarly, you might have, say, an anxious attachment style in one relationship and have an avoidant attachment style in a past or future relationship (see my article: Relationships With Anxious and Avoidant Attachment Styles).

Attachment Styles Are on a Continuum

Your attachment style is often based, in part, on the particular relationship you're in at the time. 

What I often tell clients is, "It's not like astrological signs where you were born under a particular sign and that's your sign for life."

So attachment styles can change over time and in different relationships.

You can also develop a secure attachment style either through being with someone who has a secure attachment style or by working on your attachment wounds in therapy (see my article: What is an Earned Secure Attachment Style?).

All Insecure Attachment Styles Are Not Alike

Another misconception is that within each insecure attachment style (anxious, avoidant and disorganized) everyone exhibits the same characteristics, but this isn't true.

The reality is that each attachment style is on a continuum.

Julie Menanno stresses this in her book and in her social media, including her Instagram account @thesecurerelationship.

Insecure Attachment Styles on a Continuum

Ms. Menanno provides a chart for the different insecure attachment styles in her work that illustrates the continuum with the following information:

Avoidant Attachment Style

Avoidant - Extreme:

• Unlikely to seek a relationship
• Sees partners as merely objects
• Very little capacity for empathy
• No emotional awareness

Avoidant - High:

• Unable to name feelings
• Little facial expression
• No awareness of bodily sensations related to their emotions
• Overly rational
• Emotionally unavailable
• Confused by partner's emotions
• Places a higher value on "doing" rather than on "being"

Avoidant - Moderate:

• Able to name feelings but experiences them as shameful
• Over-idealizes childhood (sees childhood through "rose colored glasses")
• Won't share negative feelings
• Appeases their partner and/or shuts down 
• Overwhelmed by their partner's feelings
• Passive aggressive
• Escapes through hobbies, social media, TV and so on

Avoidant - Mild:

• In the process of learning to express wants and needs
• In the process of developing skills to be emotionally supportive of their partner
• In the process of recognizing impact of childhood attachment dynamics
• In the process of developing an ability to see their own and their partner's part in their problems
• In the process of developing an increased interest in self growth

Anxious Attachment Style

Anxious - Extreme:

• Talks excessively and repeats self
• Might alternate between anger and crying spells
• Highly controlling
• No awareness of their part in their relationship problems
• Overly identifies with the "victim" role in the relationship

Anxious - High

• A rigid interpretation of the relationship problems
• Feels desperate to be heard and understood
• Expects immediate results
• Becomes emotionally dysregulated at times
• Experiences trust inconsistently
• Gives long narrative of events
• Hyper-aware of any possible signs of abandonment by their partner

Anxious - Moderate

• Emerging ability to see their part in the relationship problems (goes back and forth with this developing ability)
• Confused about "what to do" about the relationship problems
• Emerging capacity to disengage during a conflict
• Emerging capacity to make meaning out of the partner's behavior
• Emerging ability to say the couple is not fighting as much, but they still don't feel close to their partner

Anxious - Mild

• Recognizes their part in the couple's problems
• Able to receive comfort from their partner
• Better able to self soothe
• Less critical of their partner and self
• Able to face and verbalize feelings of shame
• Able to face and verbalize feelings of being "too much" for their partner
• Can talk about their anger in a softened way

Disorganized Attachment

Disorganized - Extreme

• Experiences frequent dysregulation and/or dissociation/zoning out
• Difficulty functioning in life in general
• Engages in self harming, risky behavior
• Rapid mood swings
• Chaotic narratives
• Unpredictable
• Extreme fear of rejection and abandonment
• Highly traumatized

Disorganized - High

• Able to function in life but with frequent dysregulation and dissociation
• Very unstable relationships
• Inconsistent thoughts and feelings that are constantly shifting
• Explosions
• Disappears for extended periods of time

Disorganized - Moderate

• Able to participate in therapy with highly trained therapist
• In the process of learning skills to self regulate 
• In the process of learning skills to set boundaries
• In the process of learning skills to process trauma in trauma therapy
• Gets triggered easily but in the process of developing a capacity to feel and talk through these feelings
• In the process of developing capacity to become more organized in the relationship
• Starting to develop capacity to appear as a typical anxious partner (as opposed to disorganized)

Disorganized - Mild

• Still struggles when stress is high
• Less intense reactions
• Higher capacity to develop in couples therapy
• Building trust
• Can see things more realistically and balanced when triggered
• Higher self esteem
• Practices self regulation skills
• Learning to provide comfort and seek comfort
• Still more work to do

As you can see, each attachment style is on a continuum and you can see your own and your partner's progress as you both work together to improve your individual and couple's issues.

Attachment Styles Are on a Continuum

Also, as I mentioned above, it's possible that if you have an anxious attachment style in one relationship, you might develop a more avoidant attachment style in another relationship where your partner has a more anxious attachment style than you do.

Getting Help in Therapy

Most of the time dysfunctional attachment dynamics don't change on their own, so if you recognize that you and your partner are having problems due to unresolved attachment wounds, seek help in therapy.

Getting Help in Therapy

Insecure attachment styles can be challenging to change, but a skilled therapist, who knows how to help clients to overcome attachment wounds that are getting triggered in a relationship, can help you to work through your issues. 

Rather than struggling on your own seek help so you can have a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How An Avoidant Attachment Style Can Affect Your Sex Life - Part 2

In Part 1 of this discussion on avoidant attachment style and sex, I described how this attachment style can affect your sex life. In this article, I'm providing a clinical vignette as an illustration of what I discussed in Part 1.

How An Avoidant Attachment Style Can Affect Your Sex Life

Attachment styles develop early in childhood (see my article: How Early Attachment Bonds Affect Adult Relationships).

An avoidant attachment style is one of three insecure attachment styles: anxious, avoidant and disorganized (see my article: What is Your Attachment Style?).

As I mentioned in a previous article, unless you work in therapy to overcome the issues that caused you to develop an insecure attachment style, your attachment style will continue to impact you in your adult relationships, especially in romantic relationships (see my article: How Your Attachment Style Affects Adult Relationships).

As I mentioned in Part 1, if you have an avoidant attachment style, some or all of the following characteristics might apply to you. You might:

• Have a discomfort with sexual activities that involve emotional closeness, like cuddling, hugging or so on.

• Not enjoy foreplay.

• Prefer casual, uncommitted relationships with emotionless sex (e.g, hook ups).

• Have sexual affairs outside of your relationship.

• Use sex mostly as a way to reduce stress and anxiety.

• Use sex as a way to gain status among your peers (e.g., bragging about how many people you slept with, and so on).

• Have fantasies about having sex with other people (other than your partner) as a way to emotionally distance yourself from your partner.

• Have a hard time relating to a partner who likes to feel emotionally close during sex.  This is especially problematic if your partner is someone who has an anxious attachment style and needs to feel emotionally close during sex.

• Be dismissive of your partner's need for emotional intimacy (see my article: What is the Difference Between Emotional and Sexual Intimacy?).

• Prefer relationships where there are few emotional demands being made on you.

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette is a composite of many different cases with all identifying information removed to protect confidentiality:

Joe

Joe, who was 38 years old, sought help in therapy because his girlfriend was complaining that she was unhappy with how "cold" he was toward her when they had sex.  She liked to cuddle, hug and be hugged, but he usually pushed her away because these affectionate gestures made him feel uncomfortable.

Initially, Joe told his therapist that he didn't think he needed to be in therapy. He said therapy was for "weak people." He explained he was mostly coming to appease his girlfriend, someone he thought of as being "needy" (see my article:  Common Myths About Psychotherapy: Going to Therapy Means You're "Weak").

But as Joe continued with his therapy sessions and his therapist explained attachment styles to him, he got curious as to how all of this might apply to him.   

When Joe talked about his family background, he explained that his parents wanted him to be "independent" as a young child.  Also, as a child, he didn't want to be a "burden" to them (see my article: Seeing Yourself as Independent vs Experiencing Shame For Feeling Like a Burden).

He said they were usually preoccupied with their own problems, and they expected him to be able to solve his problems without their help.

When he started elementary school at age 5, he was small for his age and some of the bigger children in his class would bully him after school.  They would taunt him, call him names like "Shorty," and push him around.  Whenever this happened, he didn't know how to defend himself.

One day when he came home from school in tears, he told his mother that he was being bullied and she responded, "Stop being a crybaby! If they push you, defend yourself--push them back."  Then, when his father came home, his father told him, "Don't be weak! We can't fight your battles for you! You have to learn to take care of yourself."

Joe felt too ashamed to tell his parents that he didn't know how to defend himself.  On top of that, he felt ashamed for coming home tearful and being "weak." So, he learned to hide his more vulnerable feelings from other people and, eventually, without even realizing it, he learned to suppress his "negative" feelings altogether.

He also told his therapist that his parents didn't believe in "spoiling" children with hugs and expressions of affection, so he never experienced this with his parents. But as soon as Joe said this, he became defensive and said, "My parents were good parents.  They knew what was best for me."

It took a while in therapy before Joe could let go of his defensiveness to see that he was emotionally neglected at home and that his parents grew up under similar circumstances, which is why they didn't know how to express affection towards him or even with each other (see my articles: What is Childhood Emotional Neglect? and Adults Who Were Emotionally Neglected as Children Often Have a Problem Trusting Others).

Over time, Joe could see how his childhood experiences at home caused him to develop an avoidant attachment style and how that attachment style affected his relationship with his girlfriend.

He grieved in therapy for the emotional neglect he experienced as a child. He and his therapist also used EMDR therapy to process the trauma related to these experiences (see my article: How EMDR Therapy Works: EMDR and the Brain and EMDR Therapy Helps to Achieve Emotional Breakthroughs).

Although, initially, Joe believed he was in therapy to appease his girlfriend, after a while, he realized and appreciated that he needed it for himself.  This allowed him to be curious and more psychologically minded (see my article: Starting Therapy: Developing a Sense of Psychological Mindedness).

The more he processed his trauma with EMDR, the more open he became to his own emotional vulnerability, which allowed him to be more openly affectionate and loving towards his girlfriend (see my article: Emotional Vulnerability as a Pathway to Greater Intimacy).

Getting Help in Therapy

To get to the root of your avoidant attachment style, you could benefit from working with a trauma therapist who has the expertise to help you overcome your childhood trauma where your attachment style first developed.

EMDR therapy as well as other trauma therapies, like Somatic Experiencing, AEDP, clinical hypnosis and Ego States work are all therapies that can help you to overcome trauma.

Rather than continuing to engage in the same destructive behavior patterns based on your avoidant attachment style, seek help so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist).

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during regular business hours or email me.

How An Avoidant Attachment Style Can Affect Your Sex Life - Part 1

In my prior articles, I focused on how an anxious attachment style can affect your sex life (see my articles: How An Anxious Attachment Style Can Affect Your Sex Life - Part 1 and Part 2). 

In this article, my focus is on the avoidant attachment style (see my articles: How the Early Attachment Bond Affects Adult Relationships and Understanding How An Avoidant Attachment Style Affects You and Your Relationship).

How an Avoidant Attachment Style Can Affect Your Sex Life

The 3 Insecure Attachment Styles

As I mentioned in my prior article, there are three insecure attachment styles:

• Anxious
• Avoidant
• Disorganized

Most people who have an insecure attachment style are either anxious or avoidant (see my article: What is Your Attachment Style? and How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationship).

Characteristics of the Avoidant Attachment Style:

If you have an avoidant attachment style, you might have some or all of the following characteristics:

• You might have a discomfort with sexual activities that involve emotional closeness, like cuddling, hugging or so on.

• Similar to the above, you might not enjoy foreplay.

• You might prefer casual, uncommitted relationships with emotionless sex (e.g, hook ups).

• You might have sexual affairs outside of your relationship.

• You might use sex mostly as a way to reduce stress and anxiety.

• You might use sex as a way to gain status among your peers (e.g., bragging about how many people you slept with, and so on).

• You might have fantasies about having sex with other people (other than your partner) as a way to emotionally distance yourself from your partner.

• You probably have a hard time relating to a partner who likes to feel emotionally close during sex.  This is especially problematic if your partner is someone who has an anxious attachment style and needs to feel emotionally close during sex.

• You tend to be dismissive of your partner's need for emotional intimacy (see my article: What is the Difference Between Sexual and Emotional Intimacy?).

• You tend to prefer relationships where there are few emotional demands being made on you.

People with an avoidant attachment style were often raised in a household where their emotional needs were dismissed because of the primary caregiver's own discomfort with emotional closeness.  This is how an avoidant attachment style continues from one generation to the next.

Adults with an avoidant attachment style have problems trusting and relying on their romantic partner.  This is often due to their early experiences in childhood of being forced to rely on themselves (and not their primary caregivers) for their own emotional well-being, which is traumatic for a child (see my article: What is Childhood Emotional Neglect? and Growing Up Feeling Invisible and Emotionally Invalidated).

In my next article, I'll provide a clinical vignette to illustrate how these dynamics play out sexually: How An Avoidant Attachment Style Can Affect Your Sex Life - Part 2.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you identify with some or all of the characteristics mentioned above, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who has an expertise in working with individuals with an avoidant attachment style.

With help from a skilled psychotherapist, you can learn to overcome these problems so you can have a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during regular business hours or email me.