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According to a study in the Social Psychology and Personality Science journal, relationships are more likely to develop when people are friends before they become lovers (see my article: Falling in Love With Your Best Friend).
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| Relationships: From Friends to Lovers |
Prior to this study, research focused on relationships that developed due to an attraction between strangers.
According to the researchers of this study, 68% of romantic relationships develop between friends. The data was based on seven separate studies with 1,897 participants.
How to Start a Romance
The research (Stimson et al 2021) ranked how to start a romance from the best to the worst ways (1 being the best and 11 being the worst):
- A friendship that turns romantic
- Through mutual friends
- At school or university
- At a social gathering or a party
- At a church or place or worship
- At work
- Through a family connection
- At a bar or social connection
- Online community or social media
- Online dating service
- A blind date
Why Are the Advantages to Being Friends First?
Being friends first provides an opportunity to build a strong foundation of trust and understanding as well as:
- Exploring compatibility
- Exploring shared interests
- Reducing the pressure of the initial dating stage
- Developing a comfort and ease with each other
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| Relationships: From Friends to Lovers |
- Being able to see each other's true personalities without the pressure of dating
- Assessing trustworthiness and loyalty
- Providing an opportunity for a deeper connection rather than basing a connection only on a superficial physical attraction
- Providing a better opportunity to explore each other's personalities, habits, values and communication styles which can lead to a more satisfying and potentially longer lasting relationship
- Developing emotional support
- Providing an opportunity for fun and laughter without the pressure of dating (see my article: The Power of Humor and Laughter in a Relationship)
How Long Should You Be Friends With Someone Before Dating?
The length of time will vary depending upon the two people involved.
What is essential is establishing a strong foundation of trust, understanding and emotional connection.
How Can You Tell If a Friendship is Transitioning to a Romance?
Typical signs include:
- Increased emotional intimacy
- Flirtation and chemistry between you
- Spending more time together
- Physical affection
- Discussing future plans together
What Are the Potential Pitfalls of Transitioning From Friendship to Romance?
Potential pitfalls include:
- Fear of losing the friendship if the romance doesn't work out
- Changing expectations
- Navigating new boundaries
- Dealing with unresolved problems from prior relationships
Conclusion
Developing a friendship first provides an opportunity to get to know each other better before starting a relationship.
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| Relationships: From Friends From Lovers |
Although there are potential pitfalls, friendship first allows you both to explore each other's trustworthiness, loyalty, values, communication styles as well as a chance to develop a deeper connection that goes beyond a superficial physical attraction.
About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.
I have over 20 years of experiencing helping individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
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