Posts
In my last post, I explored what phobias are and how they develop.
Now, I would like to discuss hypnotherapy as an effective treatment for people with phobias.
When I work with a client who has a phobia, I will usually ask if the client is aware of the triggering event that caused the phobia. This is helpful to know, but not absolutely necessary. So, for instance, if a client has a fear of riding in an elevator, I would explore with the client when this fear began and how it began. If possible, I would also like to know what it was like for this client to ride in elevators before the fear developed. Phobic reactions don't always develop because of a person's direct experience. Sometimes, phobias develop because a person witnessed the phobic reaction of someone close to them. As an example, if a client has a fear of dogs, it is possible that she might have witnessed her father get bitten by a dog. Even if she did not witness this incident directly, her father might have talked to her about his fear and, without realizing it, he might have communicated this fear in a deep way to his daughter so that she took on the fear. Whatever caused the phobia, the fear has been repressed in the unconscious mind.
How Can Clinical Hypnosis Help?
Clinical hypnosis, also known as hypnotherapy, deals with the unconscious mind where the cause of the phobia lies. There are many myths about hypnosis. Contrary to one of the myths, you should know that clients who receive hypnotherapy treatment are in control at all times. They are awake and maintain dual awareness of the here-and-now and everything going on around them as well as what they are feeling in the hypnotic state. No one can force them to do anything that they don't want to do. I discuss this in more detail in an earlier post ("What is Clinical Hypnosis?").
Regardless of the type of phobia, the goal of hypnotherapy treatment is to desensitize the client to the fear and provide the client with his or her own internal resources. With effective hypnotherapy, the mind processes the phobia so that the client no longer responds with fear and panic. If the phobia is not complex and the client is motivated, he or she can overcome the phobia in several sessions. If the phobia is more complex and if the client experiences frequent panic attacks and phobic reactions, it can take longer.
What to Do?
Don't suffer on your own with phobias. Phobias usually don't go away by themselves. Get professional mental health treatment from a hypnotherapist. Effective treatment can help you to overcome your phobia and improve the quality of your life.
I am a psychotherapist and hypnotherapist in NYC.
To find out more about me, visit my web site: http://www.josephine-ferraro.com.
Feel free to call me at (212) 726-1006 to schedule a consultation.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
How to Improve Communication in Your Relationship
Every relationship has its ups and downs. Every couple has arguments from time to time, but how you communicate with each other can make the difference between a relationship surviving or failing.
How to communicate with your partner:
Listen to what your partner is saying:
There's a difference between hearing and listening. When you listen carefully, you're putting yourself in your partner's place and reflecting back what has been said. You're not thinking about what you're going to say next. You're not interrupting. You're not becoming defensive.
When to Get Help in Therapy
Ongoing arguments have a way of eroding a relationship and, before you know it, your relationship has devolved into an unhappy situation.
How to communicate with your partner:
Listen to what your partner is saying:
There's a difference between hearing and listening. When you listen carefully, you're putting yourself in your partner's place and reflecting back what has been said. You're not thinking about what you're going to say next. You're not interrupting. You're not becoming defensive.
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| How to Improve Communication in Your Relationship |
- Speak from your own experience: Rather than hurling accusations at your partner, speak from your own experience. It's better to say, "I feel annoyed when you..." than "You really ruined my day when you... " Most likely, your partner will be less defensive and more likely to hear what you're saying if you stick to expressing yourself by focusing on your own experience.
- Stick with what's going on in the current situation: Concentrate on the present. Don't bring up other unrelated grievances from the past. Don't retaliate by throwing out everything that ever bothered you about your partner. This will cause the discussion to spiral down to accusations and counter accusations.
- Understand that you and your partner might have different needs: It's not unusual for one person to need time to regroup before he or she can have a discussion, especially if it's about a heated topic, while the other person needs to talk about it immediately. There has to be a compromise. On the one hand, there's no point in trying to force someone who needs a short period of time to calm down to engage in a discussion that he or she is not ready to have. It's better to allow your partner to take a break and then resume the discussion. On the other hand, it's counterproductive for the "short break" to become a passive aggressive way to avoid the discussion altogether. You and your partner need to find a balance. It's better to discuss these differences and come up with a compromise on your different styles at a point when you're both in a good place with each other and not when you're arguing.
- Take responsibility for your own your part in the problem: It's so easy to become defensive and discount what your partner is saying, especially if you feel criticized. It takes a big person to really listen and admit when you've been at fault. If you do this, your partner is more likely to acknowledge his or her part in the problem. Then, you're more likely to reach a compromise.
When to Get Help in Therapy
Ongoing arguments have a way of eroding a relationship and, before you know it, your relationship has devolved into an unhappy situation.
If you and your partner have a pattern of getting into ongoing arguments or you can't seem to resolve your differences, it's time to seek the help of a licensed psychotherapist who works with couples who can help you to learn how to communicate with each other.
About Me:
I'm a licensed psychotherapist in New York City.
About Me:
I'm a licensed psychotherapist in New York City.
One of my specialties is working with couples.
To find our more about me, visit my web site: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist
Call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me to set up a consultation.
To find our more about me, visit my web site: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist
Call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me to set up a consultation.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Coping with the Loss of a Loved One: Complicated Grief
In prior articles, I focused on coping with grieving for a loved one, whether it is a family member, friend or a cherished pet (see links for those articles below). I emphasized that no one is immune to loss and grief and everybody is different in terms of how they grieve and how long.
What is complicated grief?
Complicated grief is when grieving turns into not just sadness, but psychological symptoms that include features of depression and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Someone who is suffering with complicated grief might become obsessive about the details of the death or highly suspicious about other people's motives.
In some cases, they might hallucinate. They will often have intrusive thoughts about the deceased person. They might deny the death (thinking the deceased person is alive somewhere else and suffering, needing their help) or they might want to die themselves.
In many cases, they are unable to function in their daily activities of living (getting up, going to work), or they find it too difficult to maintain their self care (bathing, sleeping, dressing themselves).
Getting Help: What to do if you or someone you know is suffering with complicated grief:
If you or someone you know is suffering with complicated grief, it's very important to seek professional mental health as soon as possible.
Do not assume that the symptoms will go away on their own. A licensed psychotherapist can assist by helping to work through the grief.
Hypnotherapy (also known as clinical hypnosis) and EMDR are two types of treatment that can be very helpful in assisting people to overcome complicated grief (see my prior postings to learn about these very effective forms of therapy).
About Me:
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist and EMDR therapist who works with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during regular business hours or email me.
Other articles about grief in this blog:
Grief in Waiting After the Death of a Parent
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| Coping With the Loss of a Loved One: Complicated Grief |
What is complicated grief?
Complicated grief is when grieving turns into not just sadness, but psychological symptoms that include features of depression and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Someone who is suffering with complicated grief might become obsessive about the details of the death or highly suspicious about other people's motives.
In some cases, they might hallucinate. They will often have intrusive thoughts about the deceased person. They might deny the death (thinking the deceased person is alive somewhere else and suffering, needing their help) or they might want to die themselves.
In many cases, they are unable to function in their daily activities of living (getting up, going to work), or they find it too difficult to maintain their self care (bathing, sleeping, dressing themselves).
Getting Help: What to do if you or someone you know is suffering with complicated grief:
If you or someone you know is suffering with complicated grief, it's very important to seek professional mental health as soon as possible.
Do not assume that the symptoms will go away on their own. A licensed psychotherapist can assist by helping to work through the grief.
Hypnotherapy (also known as clinical hypnosis) and EMDR are two types of treatment that can be very helpful in assisting people to overcome complicated grief (see my prior postings to learn about these very effective forms of therapy).
About Me:
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist and EMDR therapist who works with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during regular business hours or email me.
Other articles about grief in this blog:
Grief in Waiting After the Death of a Parent
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Grief: Coping with the Loss of a Loved One
As we explored in the prior article, Coping with the Loss of a Loved One: Common Reactions, everyone is different when it comes to dealing with grief. What is right for one person is not right for another person. The following are some suggestions for how you can take care of yourself. Use your judgement in terms of what's right for you, and know that there are many other healthy ways to comfort yourself.
Emotional support:
For most people, it's important to have the emotional support of people who are close to them. Don't isolate. Sometimes, people don't know how to express their condolences to you because they feel that whatever they might say would not be adequate compared to the depth of your feelings, but usually their intentions are heartfelt.
It can be very comforting to talk to people who knew your loved one. Hearing their experiences and their memories can help to ease your pain. That's why memorial services are so helpful to families and friends. Remembering your loved one can help you to feel how much a part of you he will always be.
Allow yourself to feel your feelings:
Trying to avoid your feelings will only make them feel worse and prolong the pain. When you try to stuff your feelings, you can only do it temporarily.
Sooner or later, your feelings will come to the surface again and, if you avoid them, you might find yourself dealing with them in ways that are unhealthy (drinking, using drugs, overeating, overspending, developing health problems, etc). It's not unusual for the most recent loss of a loved one to bring up other losses.
Take the time when you're in a place where you feel safe and comfortable to allow yourself to cry, wail, or punch pillows, if that's what you want to do. You're not going crazy. These are normal feelings.
And don't allow well-meaning people to tell you things like, "You just have to move on with your life" while you're in the initial stage of grief or "Be strong" or any of the other inappropriate things that people say. If you find that some people are insensitive, don't share your feelings with them. Share your feeling only with people who are supportive of you. And be patient with yourself.
Seek professional help:
If you feel that your sadness is developing into depression, seek professional help. You might only need brief treatment to help you feel better.
About Me:
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist
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| Coping with the Loss of a Loved One: How to Take Care of Yourself |
Emotional support:
For most people, it's important to have the emotional support of people who are close to them. Don't isolate. Sometimes, people don't know how to express their condolences to you because they feel that whatever they might say would not be adequate compared to the depth of your feelings, but usually their intentions are heartfelt.
It can be very comforting to talk to people who knew your loved one. Hearing their experiences and their memories can help to ease your pain. That's why memorial services are so helpful to families and friends. Remembering your loved one can help you to feel how much a part of you he will always be.
Allow yourself to feel your feelings:
Trying to avoid your feelings will only make them feel worse and prolong the pain. When you try to stuff your feelings, you can only do it temporarily.
Sooner or later, your feelings will come to the surface again and, if you avoid them, you might find yourself dealing with them in ways that are unhealthy (drinking, using drugs, overeating, overspending, developing health problems, etc). It's not unusual for the most recent loss of a loved one to bring up other losses.
Take the time when you're in a place where you feel safe and comfortable to allow yourself to cry, wail, or punch pillows, if that's what you want to do. You're not going crazy. These are normal feelings.
And don't allow well-meaning people to tell you things like, "You just have to move on with your life" while you're in the initial stage of grief or "Be strong" or any of the other inappropriate things that people say. If you find that some people are insensitive, don't share your feelings with them. Share your feeling only with people who are supportive of you. And be patient with yourself.
Seek professional help:
If you feel that your sadness is developing into depression, seek professional help. You might only need brief treatment to help you feel better.
About Me:
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
Common Reactions to the Loss of a Loved One
Anyone who has ever lost a loved one knows the intense pain of this loss. The closer the loved one was to you, the worse the pain. At times, the pain can be so strong that it feels like it will never go away. But rest assured, the intensity of the pain usually subsides after you have gone through a natural period of grief.
Common reactions to the death of a loved one:
Everyone grieves in his or her own way. There is no right way to grieve and no specific amount of time that it should take.
The important thing is not to judge yourself or anyone else about this. When grief is profound, the feelings can be so strong that you might feel like you're losing your mind. Even though we know, at least on an intellectual level, that death is part of life, most of us are not prepared for the depth of feelings. So, it's important to know that you're not losing your mind and there are some common reactions during the early stages of grief:
Disbelief:
Losing someone you love can be hard to believe. You might feel like you're dreaming and the death is not real. You might feel emotionally numb at first. On some level, you might even believe that your loved one is just in the other room or about to come home or about to call. It's not unusual to "forget" and pick up the phone to call her, especially if this was part of your daily routine, only to be reminded each time, as if anew, that she is no longer alive.
Another common reaction is to have dreams about your loved one that are so real that you might believe that you actually saw him. One common dream is to see your loved one and hear him say that he's not really dead at all, that it was a terrible mistake. This can be very confusing when you wake up, especially because of the powerful nature of this type of dream. You might also think that you "see" him walking down the street, only to find as you get closer that this person looks nothing like him. This can be very disturbing and sad. It's usually a projection from your mind--a wish to see the person again, which is completely understandable.
Sadness:
Losing someone that you love can make you feel extremely sad. The sadness can feel endless at the time. You might find yourself consumed with this sadness. It's not unusual to cry a lot, especially at first.
Guilt:
Another common reaction is to feel that you could've done something more to prevent her death or you wish you had said something (or not said something) before she passed. You might have the feeling of "If only I had..." (fill in the blank). Not only is this guilt, but it is an attempt to feel that you could've had more control over the situation than you probably had. It's a stage that people often go through before they have accepted, on a deep emotional level, that their loved one is really gone.
Anger:
It's not unusual to feel angry when you lose someone close to you. Even when you know on some level that no one is really to blame for your loved one's death, you might feel angry with your siblings, the doctors, yourself, even God.
Anxiety:
You might think, "What will it be like without him?" or "How will I go on day after day?" You might feel more vulnerable yourself or for the rest of your family. A close loss often turns our world upside down. You might feel, "If this could happen, what else might happen?" These are frightening thoughts.
Bodily discomfort:
Intense grief can bring about bodily discomfort: aches and pains, changes in sleep or appetite (either increase or decrease), upset stomach, exhaustion, and other physical symptoms.
Grief can come in "waves." It's not unusual to feel a roller coast of moods. Maybe you're very sad one moment, feel somewhat relieved the next moment, only to feel sad again. This is all normal.
About Me:
I'm a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
Also see my articles:
Coping with the Loss of a Loved One: How to Take Care of Yourself
Coping with the Loss of a Loved One: Complicated Grief
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| Coping with the Loss of a Loved One: Common Reactions |
Common reactions to the death of a loved one:
Everyone grieves in his or her own way. There is no right way to grieve and no specific amount of time that it should take.
The important thing is not to judge yourself or anyone else about this. When grief is profound, the feelings can be so strong that you might feel like you're losing your mind. Even though we know, at least on an intellectual level, that death is part of life, most of us are not prepared for the depth of feelings. So, it's important to know that you're not losing your mind and there are some common reactions during the early stages of grief:
Disbelief:
Losing someone you love can be hard to believe. You might feel like you're dreaming and the death is not real. You might feel emotionally numb at first. On some level, you might even believe that your loved one is just in the other room or about to come home or about to call. It's not unusual to "forget" and pick up the phone to call her, especially if this was part of your daily routine, only to be reminded each time, as if anew, that she is no longer alive.
Another common reaction is to have dreams about your loved one that are so real that you might believe that you actually saw him. One common dream is to see your loved one and hear him say that he's not really dead at all, that it was a terrible mistake. This can be very confusing when you wake up, especially because of the powerful nature of this type of dream. You might also think that you "see" him walking down the street, only to find as you get closer that this person looks nothing like him. This can be very disturbing and sad. It's usually a projection from your mind--a wish to see the person again, which is completely understandable.
Sadness:
Losing someone that you love can make you feel extremely sad. The sadness can feel endless at the time. You might find yourself consumed with this sadness. It's not unusual to cry a lot, especially at first.
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| Coping with the Loss of a Loved One: Common Reactions |
Guilt:
Another common reaction is to feel that you could've done something more to prevent her death or you wish you had said something (or not said something) before she passed. You might have the feeling of "If only I had..." (fill in the blank). Not only is this guilt, but it is an attempt to feel that you could've had more control over the situation than you probably had. It's a stage that people often go through before they have accepted, on a deep emotional level, that their loved one is really gone.
Anger:
It's not unusual to feel angry when you lose someone close to you. Even when you know on some level that no one is really to blame for your loved one's death, you might feel angry with your siblings, the doctors, yourself, even God.
Anxiety:
You might think, "What will it be like without him?" or "How will I go on day after day?" You might feel more vulnerable yourself or for the rest of your family. A close loss often turns our world upside down. You might feel, "If this could happen, what else might happen?" These are frightening thoughts.
 |
| Coping with the Loss of a Loved One: Common Reactions |
Bodily discomfort:
Intense grief can bring about bodily discomfort: aches and pains, changes in sleep or appetite (either increase or decrease), upset stomach, exhaustion, and other physical symptoms.
Grief can come in "waves." It's not unusual to feel a roller coast of moods. Maybe you're very sad one moment, feel somewhat relieved the next moment, only to feel sad again. This is all normal.
About Me:
I'm a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
Also see my articles:
Coping with the Loss of a Loved One: How to Take Care of Yourself
Coping with the Loss of a Loved One: Complicated Grief
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Coping with Hard Times
We all go through hard times at some point in our lives. Whether we're dealing with a job loss, money problems, the breakup of a relationship, the death of a loved one, betrayal from someone we trusted, the debilitating effects of depression and anxiety, health concerns, the loss of a pet or one of life's other major disappointments, no one is immune from difficult times.
The question is not whether or not we'll experience disappointments. The real question is how we cope with the loss so that, eventually, we can move on to the next phase of our lives.
Many people are experiencing hard times.
Often, one problem can make another problem worse. If a person loses her job, this loss often places an emotional strain on her relationships with her spouse and family.
For the employee who is still on the job but now, due to staff cutbacks, must work longer hours, this can also place a strain on his marriage and his relationships with his children.
During hard times, it's essential to stay connected to your support system, supportive family and friends, your career network and also your psychotherapist.
This is not the time to isolate.
It's also not the time to leave your therapy.
Possibly, due to financial concerns, it might seem like a good idea at first to leave therapy, but the financial savings you might gain can be easily wiped out if emotional problems take their toll on your physical health.
We know, due to the mind-body connection, that there is a connection between our emotional well-being and our physical health.
In the next series of articles, I'll be exploring these issues in more detail.
About Me
To find out more about me, please visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
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| Coping With Hard Times |
The question is not whether or not we'll experience disappointments. The real question is how we cope with the loss so that, eventually, we can move on to the next phase of our lives.
Many people are experiencing hard times.
Often, one problem can make another problem worse. If a person loses her job, this loss often places an emotional strain on her relationships with her spouse and family.
For the employee who is still on the job but now, due to staff cutbacks, must work longer hours, this can also place a strain on his marriage and his relationships with his children.
During hard times, it's essential to stay connected to your support system, supportive family and friends, your career network and also your psychotherapist.
This is not the time to isolate.
It's also not the time to leave your therapy.
Possibly, due to financial concerns, it might seem like a good idea at first to leave therapy, but the financial savings you might gain can be easily wiped out if emotional problems take their toll on your physical health.
We know, due to the mind-body connection, that there is a connection between our emotional well-being and our physical health.
In the next series of articles, I'll be exploring these issues in more detail.
About Me
To find out more about me, please visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
I work with individual adults and couples.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
Monday, June 8, 2009
The Benefits of Meditation
I usually recommend meditation to my psychotherapy clients. If they don't already have a regular meditation practice, I go over basic meditation techniques and suggest that they start by meditating for 10-15 mins. each day and then, if they wish, they can expand the practice over time.
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| The Benefits of Meditation |
There Are Many Ways to Meditate
For the most basic form of meditation, you can begin by closing your eyes and focusing on your breath (always practice when you are in a quiet, safe place and never when you are driving or engaging in activities where you need to be alert). Just notice the quality of the air as you breathe in and out through your nose. Take a few relaxing breaths.
Breathing
Most of us breathe in a way that is too shallow so, when you breathe in, take the time to feel your stomach muscles expand. When you breathe, out feel all the air leaving your body. You can put your hand over your stomach to help you become aware of breathing in more deeply and out completely.
Then, turn your attention inward and notice where you are holding onto any tension in your body. Then, picture yourself sending your breath to that area and feeling the tension melting away.
After a few minutes, most likely, you' ll feel more relaxed. If not, don't worry. Usually, with practice, you'll improve your meditative skill. When you open your eyes, you can wiggle your fingers and toes and focus on your surroundings so that you feel like you are alert and fully present in your environment.
People often ask me questions about when is the best time to meditate. I think the best time is when it is right for you, a time when you're in a place where you have privacy and there's less of a chance of having distractions.
Breathing
Most of us breathe in a way that is too shallow so, when you breathe in, take the time to feel your stomach muscles expand. When you breathe, out feel all the air leaving your body. You can put your hand over your stomach to help you become aware of breathing in more deeply and out completely.
Then, turn your attention inward and notice where you are holding onto any tension in your body. Then, picture yourself sending your breath to that area and feeling the tension melting away.
After a few minutes, most likely, you' ll feel more relaxed. If not, don't worry. Usually, with practice, you'll improve your meditative skill. When you open your eyes, you can wiggle your fingers and toes and focus on your surroundings so that you feel like you are alert and fully present in your environment.
People often ask me questions about when is the best time to meditate. I think the best time is when it is right for you, a time when you're in a place where you have privacy and there's less of a chance of having distractions.
Ideally, either the beginning or end of your day is a good time to meditate. When you start your day by meditating, it usually sets a positive tone for the rest of day.
Meditating at the end of the day can be very relaxing. If you meditate at night, I recommend that you don't do it while in bed because if you do, your mind will associate meditation with sleep, and that's not what it's about (although, meditating at night can help you sleep).
When you begin meditation, don't worry if you feel distracted or your internal "chatter" gets in the way. Usually, with practice, you're able to meditate with more ease and learn how to let go of these internal distractions.
I'll explore meditation practice more in future posts.
In the meantime, enjoy your meditation practice.
About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.
When you begin meditation, don't worry if you feel distracted or your internal "chatter" gets in the way. Usually, with practice, you're able to meditate with more ease and learn how to let go of these internal distractions.
I'll explore meditation practice more in future posts.
In the meantime, enjoy your meditation practice.
About Me
I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.
I work with individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up an appointment, feel free to call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
Also see my article: Safe Place Meditation
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up an appointment, feel free to call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
Also see my article: Safe Place Meditation
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