Overcoming Low Self Esteem: Watch Out For Negative Self Talk

When people have low self esteem, negative thoughts about themselves often come so much easier than positive thoughts. In part, that's because it has become a habit. Like any habit, it might take a while to overcome.

Overcoming Low Esteem: Watch Out For Negative Self Talk

Why do people with low self esteem engage in negative self talk?
There are so many reasons. Often, they have internalized what was told to them when they were growing up ("You'll never amount to anything" or "You're just as useless as your father" or "You're so stupid" or "Children should be seen and not heard").

After a while, no one has to say these things any more because people who have developed low self esteem begin to say it to themselves and, worse still, they believe it.

What to do to stop the negative self talk:
The first thing to do is to become aware that you're doing it.

That can be a challenge because it's so automatic. The other thing is that if you really believe these negative things about yourself, you can convince yourself that it's not negative self talk--it's the way it really is ("It's not a negative thought--I really am useless").

Overcoming Low Self Esteem:  Watch Out For Negative Self Talk

Learn to Observe Your Thoughts to Identify Distorted Thinking
Learn to observe your own thoughts and identify distorted thinking.

If you have difficulty doing this, ask a supportive friend to help you by pointing out (gently and tactfully) when they hear you engaging in self criticism. Someone else might see it more easily than you do at first.

The next thing you can do is to make an effort to change these negative thought patterns by stepping back, challenging yourself and developing some perspective.

Ask Yourself:

Do I really believe this about myself?

Is there even a small part of me that has a more positive view sometimes?

What might a more objective person say about it? If an objective person has a more positive view, can I practice trying to look at it from this person's view?

Could there be some other reason why things might not have worked out for me in a particular area (rather than thinking of yourself as lazy or stupid)?

What would I say to a close friend or loved one if they told me that they usually have negative thoughts about themselves? (Chances are, you would be kinder to your friend than you are to yourself.)

Getting Help in Therapy
If low self esteem is still getting you down, you might want to seek professional help. In particular, clinical hypnosis and psychotherapy can be very effective to overcome low self esteem.

You Can Overcome Low Esteem

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, please see my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Improve Your Self Esteem: Take Steps to Increase Your Sense of Self Worth

In previous articles, What is Low Self Esteem? and What Are the Effects of Low Self Esteem?, we have defined low self esteem, we have looked at the affects of low esteem, and we have also begun to explore how you can become more positive about yourself.

Take Step to Increase Your Sense of Self Worth

Continuing along this line, let's look at other steps you can take to increase your sense of self. So, another way to increase your sense of self is to increase your sense of achievement.

As I've said in prior posts, usually when I say this to people with low self esteem, they come up with all the reasons why they can't do it: "I won't be any good at it," "I don't have the time," "What's the use? I'm only going to mess this up too." All the reasons are just too numerous to even list here.

First, let's be clear that I'm not talking about big achievements. I'm talking about every day things. And, don't try to do everything at once or you'll get discouraged and stop.

Think: "This is a process." Start small and work your way up. It can be a project that you want to work on that you can break down into smaller steps, like: cleaning up one shelf in the kitchen (rather than trying to tackle the whole kitchen), working out for 10 minutes (rather than exhausting yourself for an hour), calling one credit card company to talk about repayments (rather than thinking about calling all your creditors at once), and so on.

Each step that you take can help you to feel better about yourself, give you a sense of accomplishment, and encourage you to continue in the process.

About Me
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hour or email me.

What Are the Effects of Low Self Esteem?

In a prior article, I described low self esteem and gave some examples of what people with low self esteem might think and feel about themselves.

What Are the Effects of Low Self Esteem?

What Are the Effects of Low Self Esteem?
People with low self esteem often:

• avoid making friends
• avoid social situations
• perform poorly at work or at school
• be unable to defend themselves from criticism or abuse
• drink excessively or abuse drugs
• overspend

And so on.

Low self esteem can be caused by circumstances related to childhood issues or it can be caused by stressful life circumstances, like losing a job, losing a house, financial problems, abusive relationships, the death of a loved one, and so on.

So, we begin to see that low esteem can be a serious problem. 

In future posts, I'll address what can be done about low self esteem.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you feel like you are struggling with low self esteem, you might benefit from getting professional help.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What is Low Self Esteem?

Self esteem is a big topic. I'll be covering this topic in a few posts.

What is Low Self Esteem?

To understand what low self esteem is, let's define what we mean by self esteem.

Self esteem is how we see and feel about ourselves.

Low self esteem is when we have a low opinion of ourselves.

Ask yourself:

Have I ever described myself as being weak, stupid, unlovable, or powerless?

Do I tend to compare myself unfavorably to others?

Do I have negative feelings about my appearance? Do I think that people won't like me because I feel too fat or too thin?

Do I tend to engage in negative self talk?

When I go to a party or some other social event, do I feel that I won't have anything interesting to say and that the other people there won't want to meet me?

If you have answered "yes" to two or more of these questions, you might be struggling with low self esteem and you might benefit from psychotherapy.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up an appointment call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

See my articles: 
What is Low Self Esteem?
Is Your Relationship Damaging Your Self Esteem?
Low Self Esteem? Take Steps to Increase Your Sense of Self Worth

Why is Empathy Important in Psychotherapy?

A therapist's empathy is such an important aspect of psychotherapy.

Why is Empathy Important in Therapy?

What is empathy?
There are so many definitions for empathy. For our purposes, empathy in psychotherapy refers to the therapist's ability to:

• listen reflectively
• enter into the client's experience to sense how the client feels
• reflect back these feelings back to the client in a way that enhances the client's understanding and allows the client to feel understood

Why is empathy important in psychotherapy?
When the therapist is being empathetic, the therapist gives the client his or her full attention.

If the therapist has perceived the client's meaning accurately and reflects this back to the client, the client will often hear what he or she is saying, possibly in a new way.

The client has an opportunity to gain a better understanding. It also helps a client to improve their problem solving skills.

For a client who grew up feeling not heard at home, being heard and understood by the therapist can be such a healing experience.

It helps a client to feel that he or she is not alone.

I believe that empathy is a very important and necessary part of psychotherapy. Empathy can create trust and build a rapport between the therapist and the client.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing who works with individual adults and couples.

To find our more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To make an appointment, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Developing Emotional Resilience

Emotional resilience refers to a person's ability to deal with adversity, stressful situations and crisis in a balanced way. It's often part of a person's nature. However, the good news is that even if you're not naturally resilient and you tend to be a person who is more vulnerable to stressful events, you can learn to develop better coping skills so that you can become more resilient.

Developing Emotional Resilience

The ability to be more resilient is on a continuum so it's not an "all or nothing" kind of thing. It's not like either you have it or you don't--it's a matter of degree. Some people have better coping skills than others. So, before we explore how to become more resilient, let's explore what positive factors contribute to being more resilient:

• Understanding your feelings --what you feel and why you feel it


• Willingness to take appropriate action and not to give up easily


• Having a positive outlook about yourself and the world


• Willingness to seek emotional support when you need it


• Being able to laugh at life's every day challenges


• Learning from your mistakes and being willing to change


• Finding meaning and purpose in your life

How to Develop Emotional Resilience:

Engage in positive self talk. Remind yourself of your strengths and inner resources, your positive experiences, and that you have dealt with other problems before.

Understand why you are feeling upset so you can take positive action.

Know what you can control in your life and in the world and what you cannot. Learn how to respond and not overreact to adversity. There's a lot of wisdom in the Serenity Prayer: "God, grant me the wisdom to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

Develop a positive outlook on the world. Learn to cultivate an optimistic attitude.

Talk to supportive friends and family and allow them to give you support when you need it.

Be flexible and willing to change, adapt and grow.

Develop a sense of humor and learn to laugh at every day stressors. Be curious. Learn to develop your playful side. Whatever you can laugh at, most likely, will not have so much power over you.

Get plenty of rest, eat nutritious foods, and maintain a healthy exercise regime (always consult with your doctor before beginning an exercise program).

Learn to find the deeper meaning in life's stressful situations. Whether you consider yourself to be a spiritual person or not, you can find a deeper meaning and even a deeper purpose when faced with adversity.

Be persistent. When you know that you are on the path that is right for you, don't give up when you become discouraged. Develop a positive attitude and a perspective that you're in it for the long haul.

Remember that it's a process. Be patient with yourself and others.

Good luck to you on your journey.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist 

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Dream Analysis: Are You Fascinated by Your Dreams?

When you wake up from a compelling dream, do you find yourself wondering what the dream is about?

Your Dreams
We create our dreams through our unconscious mind. Usually, we have at least 5-7 dreams every night. However, we tend to remember the dreams that are closest to the time when we're about to wake up.

You can train yourself to remember your dreams by giving your unconscous mind the message that you want to remember them when you wake up.

Are You Fascinated By Your Dreams?

Keeping a Dream Journal
How do you do this? One way is to have a pad and pen or a recorder close to your bed so that when you wake up, you can capture your dreams right away. Dreams are often fleeting and if you don't record them immediately, they often slip out of our conscious minds. We can feel them slipping away and it's as if we're trying to catch the last bit of the dream as it drifts off.

Another helpful hint is to try to stay in the same position that you were in when you woke up. So, for instance, if you were lying on your right side, stay in that position and relax for a moment. You'll be more likely to remember your dreams if you stay in the same position. Usually, you'll remember them starting with the last one first and then going backwards.

If you keep a dream journal, you'll find, after a while, that you'll tend to remember many dreams. You'll also probably see certain recurring themes. Some clients say that by bringing more of an awareness to their dreams, they also begin to develop their intuition.

There are are as many ways to analyze dreams as there are psychoanalytic theories. No two theories will look at a dream in the same way. Fortunately, you don't have to be trained in psychoanalysis to analyze your dreams. You also don't need to buy how-to books about dream symbolism, which tend to give fixed definitions of the symbols that often won't apply to you.

You're your own best resource for dream analysis. The symbolism in a dream is whatever it means to you. So, one way to analyze a dream is to look at each person and aspect of the dream and think of it as part of yourself. After all, you're the author of your dreams.

Ask yourself, "If this person in my dream is some aspect of myself, what does that mean?" Also, ask yourself, "What emotions did I feel in this dream?" and "What emotions do I feel now that I'm awake?" Often, you'll come up with some fascinating answers and learn a lot about yourself.

Are You Fascinated By Your Dreams?

Some dreams are self state dreams. So, they're not about symbolism--they're about your feeling state at the time. So, for example, if you have a dream that you're running in place, but you're not moving, it often means that you are feeling frustrated and unable to move forward in a particular aspect of your life. Of course, this is an oversimplification, but it serves the purpose of describing a self state dream.

Getting Help in Therapy
I'm trained in contemporary psychoanalysis, and when I'm working with clients, I love working with their dreams so we can explore what their unconscious minds are trying to tell them.  I am also a hypnotherapist and EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

To find out more about me, please visit my website:Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

If you're curious about how you can enhance your personal growth and well being through dream analysis, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me for a consultation.