Emotionally Intimate Relationships Provide An Opportunity to Know Yourself in New Ways

People who are in new relationships are understandably focused on getting to know their partner, but being in a relationship also provides you with an opportunity to get to know yourself better--sometimes in unexpected ways.

Emotionally Intimate Relationships Provide An Opportunity to Get to Know Yourself in a New Way

Although there is always the potential to get to know yourself in all relationships, including friendships and work-related relationships, being in an emotionally intimate relationship brings up core emotional issues that you often don't discover in other relationships.  This is because you're at your most emotionally vulnerable when you're in a relationship that is emotionally intimate.

Often, these core issues involve aspects of yourself that you haven't encountered before--even if you're been in other relationships--because every relationship is different.  Each dyad is unique and combines the personal histories of each person in a unique way.

Getting to know yourself in a relationship gives you a chance to see yourself in a new light in both ways you like and in ways you might want to change.

Fictional Clinical Vignette:  Emotionally Intimate Relationships Provide You With An Opportunity to Get to Know Yourself in New Ways
The following fictional clinical vignette illustrates how being in a relationship provides an opportunity to get to know new aspects of yourself and how psychotherapy can help:

Tod
After his divorce, Tod waited a year before he started dating.  He had been married for 15 years and, initially, he found the dating world to be daunting.  It was all new to him.  He lacked confidence in himself and he felt discouraged by online dating.  He often felt like he was "doing it wrong" when he met women online or he felt inadequate in some way.  But when he met Nicki through mutual friends, he felt he met someone who was special, and he stopped his online dating activity.

They were both divorced, in their mid-40s, and without children.  Not only did they have similar values and interests, but they both had demanding careers and were both looking to get into a serious relationship.  After dating for several months, they decided to take the next step and move in together.

After living together for a couple of months, Nicki began to express her frustration with Tod's unspoken expectation that she do all of the cooking and housework.

Hearing her complaints, Tod was surprised--mostly at himself--because he always saw himself as believing that men and women were equal in his personal relationships as well as in his work-related relationships.  As a managing director at work, he tended to mentor and promote qualified women, and he encouraged his managers to do so as well.  So hearing Nicki say she thought his behavior at home was sexist was something he hadn't thought about before.  But when he did think about it, he realized that she was right.

As Tod thought about it more, he realized that when he was married, his wife, who didn't work, did the housework, and she didn't mind.  This is what he was accustomed to for 15 years and it was never an issue for them.  He also grew up in a household where his mother stayed home and took care of all the household chores while his father was at work.

The problems that led to Tod's divorce had nothing to do with disagreements about household chores and more to do with their growing apart.  His wife at the time was a perfectionist about housework, and she preferred to do things herself, which suited both of them.

In the last few years of his marriage, Tod started psychotherapy to deal with the loss of his mother to a sudden illness.  While in therapy, Tod learned things about himself that he never realized before.  Getting to know aspects of himself that he never knew before helped Tod to grow and become more psychologically minded, but his wife didn't understand why he attended psychotherapy.  Even when it was obvious to both of them that they were drifting apart, his wife wouldn't even consider going to couples therapy, so the relationship eventually ended with each of them acknowledging the unhappiness in the marriage and opting for an amicable divorce.

Tod began discussing with his psychotherapist how surprised he was to realize that he was behaving in a traditional sexist way at home and even more surprised that he didn't realize it himself before Nicki mentioned it.  Although he agreed with Nicki once she pointed it out, he felt completely inept about doing housework because he had never done it before.  When he lived with his former college roommates after he graduated college, they hired a cleaning person to do the housework and, as previously mentioned, when he was married, his wife preferred to do the housework.

His psychotherapist sensed that there was something more going on for Tod beyond that he didn't like or feel good at doing housework, so she explored this issue with him further.

What eventually came up was that, beyond housework, Tod often felt "not good enough" when he tried anything new, including online dating before he and Nicki moved in together.  This included going away to college, which resulted in him attending counseling through the college counseling center when he was tempted to drop out of college during his freshman year.  It also included when he was new at work after college.

Fortunately, his college counselor helped him to get through that difficult first year so he stayed at college.  And he was assigned to a caring mentor at his company, who helped him make the transition from college to work when he was a new employee, and it also helped Tod to build up his self confidence in his career.

As Tod discussed this problem with his psychotherapist, he realized that new situations still triggered the feelings of not being good enough in many areas of his life, and he wanted to work through this issue since it was bound to come up again and again in his life.

To discover the underlying issues involved with Tod not feeling good enough, his psychotherapist used the current situation with Nicki and the clinical hypnosis technique called the Affect Bridge (see my article: What is Clinical Hypnosis?).

With the Affect Bridge, Tod was able to sense his emotions and where he felt them in his body with regard to his current problem and go back to the earliest time that he felt this way about himself to get to the root of the problem.

Once Tod and his psychotherapist were able to pinpoint the earliest experience where he felt inadequate, which was in his childhood, they used EMDR therapy to help him to resolve the past, present and anticipated future events that could trigger these feelings of inadequacy (see my articles: What is EMDR Therapy?, How Does EMDR Therapy Work: EMDR and the Brain, and Experiential Therapy, Like EMDR Therapy, Helps to Achieve Emotional Breakthroughs).

Along the way, Tod began taking over half of the household responsibilities that Nicki had been doing, which Nicki appreciated, and after doing EMDR therapy, he no longer felt inadequate with this  issue or other new situations.

Conclusion
Emotionally intimate relationships provide an opportunity for you to get to know yourself in new ways, including both positive and negative aspects of yourself.

When there are issues that are getting triggered in your relationship, these issues often have their roots in earlier experiences.

Experiential therapy, like EMDR, Somatic Experiencing and clinical hypnosis are effective forms of therapy that help you to overcome unresolved trauma.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you have been struggling with unresolved issues, you can get help in psychotherapy (see my article: The Benefits of Psychotherapy).

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to overcome the problems that are keeping you stuck so you can lead a more fulfilling life, so rather than struggling on your own, get help from a licensed mental health professional (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples, and I have helped many people to overcome unresolved problems.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Experiencing Happiness as Part of Your Future Self in Clinical Hypnosis

I read an article in the New York Times, What a Great Trip! And I'm Not Even There Yet, by Stephanie Rosenbloom.  After reading the article, which related to travel, I saw similarities between the anticipation of a happy event (as stated in the article) and a hypnotic technique used in clinical hypnosis where a therapy client can experience a Future Self.  I've written about the concept of the Future Self in an earlier article, Experiencing Your Future Self: The Person You Want to Become.  I would like to expand on this concept in this article.

Experiencing Happiness as Your Future Self in Clinical Hypnosis

The Psychological Connection Between Anticipation and Happiness
In Ms. Rosenbloom's article, she writes about the psychological connection between anticipation and happiness as it relates to looking forward to a vacation.  She cites psychological research in the journal, Applied Research in Quality of Life, where social scientists found that vacationers felt most happy at the point when they were anticipating their vacations because there's a build up of excitement and positive expectations.

She also discusses research by Elizabeth Dunn, an associate professor at the University of British Columbia who is a leading happiness researcher, who says that there is an art to savoring or anticipating an upcoming vacation.  According to this article, by immersing oneself in such things as reading novels, blogs, watching films, TV programs about the place you plan to visit, you build up positive expectation.  In addition, it also helps to smooth over minor discrepancies between the fantasy of the trip and the reality.

The Psychological Connection Between Positive Anticipation and Happiness

I've never seen the research on this topic, but the concept that this immersion process beforehand can enhance a vacationers experience is familiar to me.  Six months before I went to Italy for the first time, I was not only reading travel books, but I was immersing myself in Italian literature, short stories and listening to Italian language CDs in anticipation of my vacation.  After a few weeks of this immersion process, part of me felt like I was already in Italy.

During that time, I read The Agony and the Ecstasy: A Biographical Novel of Michelangelo by Irving Stone and when I saw Michelangelo's works of art in Italy, especially the Sistine Chapel in Rome, I was very moved, and like I was seeing the work of an old friend.

Experiencing Happiness as Your Future Self in Clinical Hypnosis
In much the same way that excitement and anticipatory feelings of happiness can build up with immersion in things related to an upcoming event, an experienced hypnotherapist can assist you to discover the aspect of yourself that is called your Future Self in your unconscious mind.

The effect of discovering your Future Self can be profound because it involves the limbic system in the brain (see my article about the triune brain, including the limbic system or reptilian brain).

Experiencing Happiness as Part of Your Future Self in Clinical Hypnosis

Beyond being just a mental rehearsal of who you want to be, allowing your imagination to experience your Future Self in clinical hypnosis connects these feelings for you on an unconscious level.  A trained hypnotherapist can also give a client a post hypnotic suggestion that helps to enhance and anchor this experience.

There has also been research at world renown research laboratories about the success of hypnosis in helping depressed clients to overcome their depression (see Psychology Today article by psychologist, Michael Yapko, Clinical Hypnosis Enhances Treatment) for more details).

Getting Help
Many people, who are unhappy or depressed feel resigned to their lives never changing.  This is usually a symptom of their depression.  But you don't need to suffer alone.  When performed by an experienced hypnotherapist, clinical hypnosis can be an effective form of treatment to help a client overcome depression and provide an enhanced sense of self.

When choosing a hypnotherapist for clinical hypnosis, always make sure that the clinician is a licensed mental health professional.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Enhancing Solutions to Your Problems With Clinical Hypnosis

When people come to therapy to work out emotional problems that they've been struggling with on their own, in many cases, they don't realize that they actually have the solutions to their problems within themselves.  Clinical hypnosis, also known as hypnotherapy, gives therapy clients an opportunity to access and enhance these solutions.

With the help of an experienced hypnotherapist, who knows how to help therapy clients to gain access to internal solutions to their problems, clients often gain access to internal resources that they have either forgotten about or never realized that they had.

While this might not work for every client and for every problem that clients bring to therapy, it works more often than most people realize.

As an example of how clinical hypnosis can be helpful in this way, the following composite vignette, which has all identifying information changed to protect confidentiality, illustrates this point:

Ed:
Ed, who is a writer, came to therapy because he had "writer's block."  He had already received an advance for his book and he was worried that he wouldn't meet the deadline that he and his publisher had originally agreed upon.

Accessing and Enhancing the Solutions With Clinical Hypnosis: Writer's Block 

The more Ed worried about meeting the deadline, the more "blocked" he felt in his writing.  He described spending hours staring at his computer trying to will himself to begin writing.  But he felt like he had nothing worthwhile to say, even though he was considered an expert in his field.

At those times, Ed described "feeling like a fraud" who had duped other people into believing that he knew what he was talking about.  During those times, he was in constant fear that people would find out that he really wasn't who they thought he was, and then his career would be over.

He described feeling an "old tape" play over and over again in his mind which sounded like his  father's voice saying, "Who do you think you are acting so important!?! No one wants to hear what you have to say."

Even though he had never experienced hypnosis before in his life, Ed agreed to give it a try. Before we began, I explained, as I often do when a client has never experienced hypnosis, that Ed would be in control of his experience the entire time, so that he could stop at any time.  I also explained to him that he would be in a relaxed state where he would maintain a dual awareness of the here-and-now as well as whatever came up during the hypnosis session.

Since Ed was an experienced writer, this wasn't the first time that he was drawing a blank when he sat down to write.  It had happened to him many times before when he was trying to write magazine articles.  But Ed felt that this was different because his assignment involved writing a book and this seemed like a much more daunting process.

Prior to beginning hypnosis, I asked Ed what he had done in the past that helped him when he felt blocked while writing a magazine article, but Ed didn't think he had done anything special to overcome his other experiences with "writer's block."

But when he was in a relaxed hypnotic state, Ed remembered that during those other times, he was, in fact, active in overcoming his block and he remembered what he did:  Instead of conjuring up his critical father, like he was doing for his book assignment, he thought about his college professor from his writing class, who praised and encouraged Ed's writing.  He lifted Ed's spirit and helped him to believe that he had it in him to become a writer.

During hypnosis, Ed remembered how proud he felt when he could say, "I'm a writer" and feel good about it.  He attributed this new found self confidence at the start of his writing career to the encouragement from his professor, who became his writing coach and mentor.

Although his mentor wasn't around any more, Ed could still re-experience the joy he felt during the hypnosis session that someone as esteemed as his mentor had confidence in him.

Accessing and Enhancing the Solutions With Clinical Hypnosis

Using hypnosis, I helped Ed to amplify and deepen this experience with a post hypnotic suggestion so that he could access this empowering experience whenever he needed it.  After several sessions, Ed was writing again and his ideas were flowing.  He was able to look at the book as a series of chapters, similar to the magazine articles that he wrote, instead of becoming overwhelmed that it was a book.

At that point, Ed could have left therapy because his presenting problem was resolved, but he was fascinated by the hypnotherapy process and he decided to remain to work through the trauma of having a hypercritical father.

Accessing and Enhancing the Solution With Clinical Hypnosis
The reason why Ed and other therapy clients are able to access and enhance internal resources using clinical hypnosis is that hypnosis allows them to enter into a receptive state where they are more open to discovering internal solutions.

In the particular example that I gave about Ed, there was a direct relationship between what he did in the past to overcome "writer's block" to what he could do now to overcome the same problem.  But it's often the case that therapy clients discover in hypnosis that they can use internal resources that they used for completely different problems to overcome a current problem.

For example, a woman who showed courage in the past by confronting a bully at her high school was able to access the same courage, which was already a part of her, to ask her boss for a raise.

In a hypnosis session, she was able to access that same courageous self state that wasn't accessible to her during ordinary consciousness.  She could feel it on an emotional and physical level and, with hypnosis, we were able to deepen and amplify the connection that she felt to this self state so that she could use it in her current situation.

The Importance of the Client-Hypnotherapist Rapport
Just like any other type of therapy, clinical hypnosis works best when there is a good rapport between the client and the hypnotherapist.  This usually doesn't happen the first time that they meet in the therapist's office.  It takes time to build a rapport of trust and safety.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you feel stuck with a problem that you've tried, without success, to work out on your own, you could benefit from seeing an experienced hypnotherapist.  During the initial sessions, the hypnotherapist would gather information about the presenting problem as well as your personal history and determine whether you can be helped by clinical hypnosis.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.  I have helped many clients to overcome the obstacles that  kept them from living a fulfilling life.

I also work adjunctively with clients who have primary therapists who are not hypnotherapists.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist and Hypnotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Mind-Body Oriented Psychotherapy: Healing Trauma Creatively

Trauma can create emotional scars that can last a life time.  For many people suffering with trauma that occurred years ago, the emotional effects can feel as strong now as they did when the trauma originally occurred. 

Mind-Body Psychotherapy: Healing Trauma with New Symbolic Memories

Often, talk therapy is of limited help to overcome trauma.  You can gain an intellectual understanding about the trauma, but talk therapy doesn't always heal the trauma.  This often causes psychotherapy clients to feel that there's something wrong with them because they're still feeling traumatized even after they've completed talk therapy. Some forms of mind-body oriented psychotherapy can heal trauma by helping the client to create a new symbolic memory.

Clinical hypnosis, Somatic Experiencing, and Psychomotor therapy are among the forms of mind-body psychotherapy that help clients to overcome trauma through the creation of new symbolic memories.   Each of these treatment modalities approaches the creation of new symbolic memories in a different way.

At first glance, the idea of creating a new symbolic memory might sound strange, and you might wonder how someone would go about doing this.  But, in reality, it's not strange at all. 

But, first, before I explain what new symbolic memories are, I want to stress that creating a new symbolic memory is in no way negating the original memory.

In other words, the purpose of creating a new symbolic memory is not a way of saying that the original memory never occurred.

Mind-Body Psychotherapy: Healing Trauma with New Symbolic Memories

When we work on creating a new symbolic memory, the purpose is to providing emotional healing.  

The client and the therapist are aware at all times of what originally occurred in the trauma. 

The new symbolic memory, which is created in collaboration between the therapist and the client, is a new embodied experience, which often includes imagining helpful allies (either real or imagined) and other helpful aspects that were not available in the original traumatic memory.

The following composite vignette, which is a combination of many different cases with all identifying information changed to protect confidentiality, illustrates how trauma can be healed through the creation of a new symbolic memory:

John:
John came to therapy because he never mourned the loss of his father, who died when John was 16 years old.  He loved his father very much and missed him, but he never allowed himself to grieve for his father, who died very unexpectedly.

Healing Trauma with New Symbolic Memories

John remembers coming home one afternoon, after hanging out with his friends, and finding his mother crying in the living room.  His mother told him that his father had a massive heart attack at work and he died immediately.  John was shocked.  He felt the tears welling up inside him, but before he could shed a tear, his mother said to him, "Now, John, you can't cry.  You're the man of the house now, and you need to be strong."

From that moment on, John felt the emotional burden that was placed on him, and he stopped himself from crying as he braced himself to be "the man" in his family.  He didn't want to disappoint his mother, and he felt he had to be "strong" for his younger brothers and sisters.

Years later, as an adult, John realized that his mother, although well meaning, had placed an unreasonable burden on him.  After all, he was only a boy at the time.  He also realized that not mourning had kept him in a kind of emotional limbo with regard to the loss of his father.  In the past, he attended talk therapy, hoping to finally release the feelings he had been holding onto for more than 20 years.  But, although he gained intellectual insight into what happened, he still couldn't allow himself to cry and mourn.

After taking a personal history and working on resource development (i.e., coping skills), John and I worked on his memory of the day his father died.  Using a combination of Somatic Experiencing and clinical hypnosis, we went back to the original memory.

  Memories

Throughout the process, John was in control at all times.  He said he felt alert and in a very relaxed state.  He was aware of what he felt in the  original memory as well as everything that was going on in the therapy room in the here-and-now.  This is called having a dual awareness (an awareness of the memory as well as the here-and-now), and this is essential for this type of work.

When we got to the part when John's mother told him that he shouldn't cry because he had to be "the man" in the family, I asked John who he would have liked to have with him at the time to help him.  I asked him to choose someone, either real or imagined, who could have helped him at that point to feel his feelings and to advocate for him with his mother.

John thought for a moment, and then he chose his Uncle Paul, his mother's brother.  He said his Uncle Paul was a very kind man and he had always felt close to his mother's brother.  He also knew that his mother admired her brother very much and he had a big influence on her.  So, when we went back to the part when his mother told John not to cry, John imagined what it would feel like to have his Uncle Paul standing next to him with his arm around him.

To make this experience as vivid as possible, we slowed down the process and I asked Paul to sense what it feels like to have Uncle Paul's arm around him on a physical and emotional level.  We took a few minutes to develop and amplify these physical and emotional feelings so Paul could experience fully the support he was getting from his uncle.

While John was sensing into this experience, he and I worked closely together to ensure that he felt safe and secure at all times.  He agreed to let me know if he became uncomfortable in any way.  I also observed his body language as well as his breathing, facial expression, changes in color, and other signs to ensure that he was comfortable in the experience.  I noticed that as he settled into the experience of his uncle being there for him, he looked more relaxed and he was breathing more easily.

When the therapist observes the client in this way, it's called "micro tracking" and this is an important part of the work.  The therapist must be attuned to what's happening with the client throughout the process.

Once John felt fully in the experience of being emotionally supported by his Uncle Paul, I asked him what he would like his uncle to say to his mother so that John would be allowed to feel his feelings.  John thought about this for a moment, and then said, "I'd like him to talk to her and tell her to let me cry--that it's normal, whether it's a teenage boy or anyone else, to cry when you lose your father.  He's he only one that my mother would listen to."

So, we went with that, and John imagined his Uncle Paul gently telling his mother that it's okay for John to cry.  John imagined Uncle Paul being gentle but firm about it.  Since John's mother admired and respected her brother, it was believable that she would listen to him.  John took a moment to feel this and he was able to tell me that he felt a great burden lifted from his shoulders and a tightness that was released from his chest.

Then, he told me that, in his mind's eye, he saw his mother back off and allow John to feel his feelings.  He felt like he was on the verge of crying, but something was holding him back.  I sensed that John might be concerned that his mother also needed someone to comfort her, but rather than suggest this to John, I asked him to sense into his body and ask himself what he thought might be holding him back.

I could tell, from watching him, that John was thinking about it rather than sensing into his body to find the answer.  So, I guided him to ask his body what was needed.  Now, this might sound strange, but it's no different than asking someone to use their intuition or to tap into their unconscious to sense what's needed.  The point is for the client to find the answer inside rather than just giving an answer that seems logical.  Certainly, logic has its place, but logic alone will often only get you so far, especially when dealing with trauma.

After a few minutes, John said he didn't feel he could allow himself to cry unless his mother was also being supported by someone.  So, I asked him who could be there for his mother.  He considered this for a few moments, and then he said his mother would be most comforted by her older sister.  So, we brought his maternal aunt into the scene, and he imagined his aunt sitting with his mother and comforting her.

Once John felt that his mother was being taken care of as well, and John had his uncle to comfort him, he allowed himself to cry in the session for the loss of his father.  This was the first time ever that John was able to cry.  All the emotion that had blocked inside of him came pouring out.  But rather than feeling overwhelmed, as he had always imagined he would feel if he allowed himself to cry, John said he felt a great sense of relief.  He felt secure and supported in the treatment room with me and he felt supported in the new symbolic memory by his Uncle Paul.

Afterwards, when we were talking about the experience, John said he could still feel his uncle's love and emotional support.  He knew that this new symbolic memory was not the original memory and that we were not saying we were in any way changing the original memory.  But he had a new, healing experience of that time.

In days and weeks that followed, we checked back in with the original memory.  I wanted to make sure that the work we did was more than just a one-time "feel good" experience and that John had actually internalized the new symbolic memory on an emotional as well as a visceral level.

Healing Trauma with New Symbolic Memories

John told me that the original memory no longer felt traumatic to him.  He felt loved and supported, as if he had actually gotten what he needed at the time.  He was also relieved to mourn his father.  From there, we worked on internalizing his father in other ways, including remembering all the good times he had with his father.  Prior to healing the trauma, John was too stuck emotionally to feel these positive experiences.

Getting Help in Therapy
As always, I want to emphasize that clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing are not "magic bullets."  Often, trauma can have many layers and it's not centralized in one memory.  Also, in order to do this work, the client must have the emotional resources to begin the trauma work.

In the example that I gave, for the sake of simplicity, I provided a vignette where the new symbolic experience worked in one session.  But this isn't always the case.  There can be many obstacles in doing this type of work that might need to be worked through.  This can take time.

Everyone is different, and there's no way to know in advance how a client will respond.  In the example that I gave, John was able to maintain dual awareness of the here-and-now as well as the memory.  If he was someone who became very dissociated during the experience, we might not able to work in this way or we might need to modify the work.

For some clients, who are naturally resilient and have strong internal resources, only a few sessions might be required for resource development prior to working on a new symbolic memory.  For other clients, who might have a long history of multiple traumas with little in the way of internal or external resources, it might take months of resource development.

It's also essential in this kind of work that the client and therapist have a good therapeutic rapport.  Clients with traumatic backgrounds often take a while to be able to build trust with a therapist, especially if they experienced serious breaches of trust or boundary violations as part of their personal history.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, Somatic Experiencing and EMDR therapist.  I have helped many clients to overcome trauma.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Learning to Forgive Yourself

Learning to forgive yourself is often more difficult than forgiving others.  Many people come to therapy because they're unable to forgive themselves and they're plagued by guilt and shame.  Even when they know objectively that there's nothing to be gained by continuing in self blame, they're unable to let go of these feelings--even when the other person (or people) involved have long since forgiven them.

Learning to Forgive Yourself

Is There a Part of You that Needs to Hold Onto Self Blame?

When a psychotherapy client is stuck in this kind of dilemma, usually, there's a part of him or herself that won't let go--that continues in this self defeating dynamic of self blame.  Regular talk therapy, although useful, often doesn't get to the core of the issue.  A person can get stuck in a loop of knowing that he or she needs to let go, but not being able to engage in self forgiveness.  

Clinical hypnosis in combination with "parts work" (also known as ego states therapy) can be very helpful to overcome this problem.   The combination of hypnosis and "parts work" allows the hypnotherapist and client to explore if there is an internal part of the client that feels the need to hold onto this self blaming stance and the reason why it feels this need.

In a relaxed hypnotic state, clients can sense into themselves and access unconscious information that is usually not available in their ordinary state of consciousness.

For instance, a client, who lied to a friend, could feel very ambivalent about forgiving herself for lying.  Even if her friend has forgiven her and she knows logically that it would be best to let it go, a part of herself might feel the need to hold onto the guilt and shame in order to make sure this doesn't happen again.  Once this is revealed in the relaxed hypnotic state, the therapist can work with this part to explore if there are other ways to handle this (other than continuing to feel guilty and engage in self recrimination) that will satisfy this part.

This is just one example, but there can be many reasons why an aspect of oneself can't or won't let go of self blame  Most of the time, these reasons are not in a person's ordinary awareness.   It's often a relief to discover, first of all, that there's an actual a reason why part of the self is having difficulty with self forgiveness.  And, more importantly, that there can be other options that don't involve continuing to blame oneself.

An Inability to Forgive Yourself Can Lead to Anxiety and Depression

All of this is not to say that if someone has engaged in a transgression that he or she shouldn't feel remorse.  It's a sign of health to feel remorse when we've hurt others (or ourselves).  But the kind of problem that I'm discussing is beyond that--it's when a reasonable length of time has passed and a person continues to blame him or herself.

In some cases, people can continue to blame themselves for over 20 years.  This is usually debilitating to one's sense of self and can get in the way of maintaining important relationships.  For some people, their inability of forgive themselves causes them to isolate themselves from loved ones.  It can lead to anxiety or depression.  For some people, it can lead to abusing alcohol or drugs as a maladaptive way to soothe their emotional pain.

Getting Help in Therapy

If an inability to forgive yourself has you feeling stuck, you owe it to yourself to seek professional help from a licensed mental health practitioner, preferably a hypnotherapist who can help you to overcome this problem.  Many people find it so freeing to let go of the self blame that had been weighing them down so they can move on with their lives.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR therapist, and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I also provide dynamic talk therapy in a supportive and empathic environment.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

  

Arguments with Your Spouse Can Trigger Old Emotional Wounds from Childhood

It's not at all unusual for arguments with a spouse or romantic partner to trigger old emotional wounds from childhood.  Without even realizing it, we can become so emotionally triggered that we can surprise even ourselves with our out of proportion responses.  Old, unresolved wounds are often just under the surface and when we're triggered, we often don't even know it.  Later on, when we're calmer, we might reflect that our responses were emotionally over the top, and wonder how and why we could have become so upset over something that we realize, once we can be more objective, didn't warrant this kind of upset.

Arguments With Your Spouse Can Trigger Old Emotional Wounds

I'm not referring to the occasional loss of temper that we experience when we're too tired, hungry or overwhelmed by stress.  What I'm referring is a consistent pattern of emotional upset that we wonder about when we've had a chance to calm down and we ask ourselves, "Why did I get so upset over that, when it wasn't really that important?" It can leave us feeling embarrassed, perplexed and confused about ourselves.

When this dynamic occurs fairly consistently, it's often a sign that old emotional wounds from childhood are being triggered.  In other words, we're not just responding to the situation at hand.  The magnitude of our emotions are often being fueled by unresolved childhood issues from our families of origin.

The following scenario, which is a composite of many different cases with all identifying information changed, illustrates this phenomenon:

Alice:
Alice, who was in her late 30s, was normally a calm and rational person most of the time.  But whenever she and her husband, Ed, got into an argument where he had problems seeing her point of view, she became enraged.  It didn't matter if they were talking about money, politics, or where to vacation.  If Alice felt that Ed was unable to understand her perspective, she became livid.  She would lose her temper and feel out of control.  Sometimes, she felt so agitated that she could barely breathe.

Usually, after he had a chance to think about it later on, Ed would often come around to see Alice's point of view.  He still might not agree, but he could empathize with Alice's feelings.  He just needed a little time to reflect on it.  But this didn't make a difference for Alice.  Once she became enraged, she might take a few hours or even a whole day to calm down.  Before that, she couldn't even hear what Ed had to say.

Needless to say, this dynamic had a big impact on their marriage.  After the first year of enduring Alice's strong emotional reactions, Ed told Alice that he didn't want to live this way and if she didn't get help, he might leave the marriage.

Even without the possibility of Ed leaving, Alice would often realize after she calmed down that her emotional reaction to their argument was over the top.  But she didn't know what to make of it or what to do.  After she sought help in therapy, it soon came apparent that these disagreements with her husband were triggering old, unresolved emotional wounds from her family.

As we explored Alice's emotional build up during a recent argument with her husband, we slowed everything down so Alice could experience how her emotions escalated to such a point.  I asked her to identify the feelings she was experiencing in her body.  As she sensed into her body to feel what was going on for her, she realized that whenever Ed didn't understand what she was trying to tell him, she erupted in anger, but the anger masked a lot of fear.

Using clinical hypnosis, we were able to trace that fear back to a time when she was four years old.  Her father, who was a severe alcoholic and often in a drunken stupor, was too drunk to understand what Alice would try to tell him.  At the time, her mother was in denial about the severity of the father's alcoholism, so she would leave Alice alone with him whenever she visited her mother across town.

On one of those occasions, Alice's father left a pot of water boiling on the stove, and then he fell asleep in a drunken stupor.  Alice smelled something burning, ran into the kitchen, and saw the pot burning.  But when she tried to wake up her father, she couldn't get him up.  He was so groggy that he couldn't understand what she was saying and pushed her away.  She was terrified.  But fortunately, she ran to the neighbor next door, who called the fire department.  Soon after that, the Bureau of Child Welfare got involved and provided services to Alice and her family.

The hypnosis allowed Alice to connect her current emotional reactions to the earlier ones.  She was able to see that the emotions connected to this memory, which she had never forgotten and was accessible to her even before we did hypnosis, got triggered whenever she had an argument with her husband were she felt he didn't understand her.

We were able to work on this memory, which was representative of many similar memories, so that Alice could overcome her unresolved trauma and no longer get triggered in her marriage.  It took a lot of work, but she was relieved to have some explanation as to why she was overreacting with her husband.

I want to be clear that, in this example, I'm not referring to "recovered memories," which can be inaccurate and misleading.  I often get calls from people who sense they might have been sexually or physically abused and they hope that hypnosis will give them the answer.  What I usually tell them is that memory can be very tricky.  It's not like hypnosis enables you to be able to recover information like  picking out a file from a file drawer.

The memory that I'm referring to in this example is a memory that Alice had been well aware of before we began using hypnosis.  The difference is that she never connected her childhood trauma with her current dynamic with her husband.  Once we were able to work through the childhood trauma, Alice was no longer triggered in her current life, which was a tremendous relief.

Getting Help

Often, in our ordinary consciousness, we're not able to make these connections.   When you work with an experienced hypnotherapist, you enter into a state of deep relaxation which allows you access to your unconscious.  In that state, you can make connections that are usually not available to you in ordinary consciousness.

As I've said many times before in other blog posts, you're in complete control at all times with clinical hypnosis.  People who have been traumatized are often afraid of not being in control, and their notions about hypnosis are derived from stage hypnosis, which is nothing like clinical hypnosis (also known as hypnotherapy).

I recommend that, if you're considering clinical hypnosis that you only see a licensed mental health professional who is a hypnotherapist rather than seeing a non-clinician who might have some training in   hypnosis but who has no clinical skills.

It's possible to free yourself of trauma or old emotional wounds that can get triggered in your current life.  Transcending old emotional wounds can make a big difference in the quality of your life and the lives of your loved ones.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR therapist and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I am certified in mind-body oriented psychotherapy.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.

Overcoming Feelings of Inadequacy

Overcoming feelings of inadequacy can be very challenging, especially if you've been feeling this way for many years.  There can be many causes for feeling inadequate, including early childhood trauma, an abusive spouse, a boss who is a bully, and so on.

Often, people who are feeling inadequate know in their rational minds that there is no objective reason for feeling this way.  I've had clients, who are quite accomplished and who are looked up to by many others, who still feel inadequate.  They might hide it well when they're around other people, but deep down inside, they still feel worthless.

Overcoming Feelings of Inadequacy

Talking about it in therapy often goes nowhere.

People who feel inadequate can often identify what triggers their feelings of inadequacy and even pinpoint early trauma that precipitated their feelings of worthlessness.

But this is often not enough to help them overcome their negative feelings about themselves.  If anything, it's usually very frustrating because then they wonder, if they can see objectively that there is no rational reason for their feelings, why they still persist in feeling this way.

I was originally trained as a psychoanalyst.  I still love psychoanalysis and, when clients come to me requesting psychoanalysis, I work in a contemporary, dynamic way (as opposed to classical psychoanalysis).

But I've found, over the years, that psychoanalysis and regular talk therapy is often not sufficient, by itself, to help clients overcome feelings of inadequacy.

I have found over the years that mind-body oriented psychotherapy, like clinical hypnosis, EMDR, and Somatic Experiencing are much more helpful to overcome feelings of worthlessness and low self esteem.

Overcoming Feelings of Inadequacy

These mind-body oriented psychotherapies help clients to access their strengths and power to heal in a much more profound and effective way.

Getting Help in Therapy
To find out more about EMDR, Somatic Experiencing and clinical hypnosis, you can go to the following professional websites:

Clinical Hypnosis:  http://ASCH.net
Somatic Experiencing:  http://traumahealing.com
EMDR: http://EMDRIA.org

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, who is certified in mind-body oriented psychotherapy.  I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Clinical Hypnosis and Hypnoprojectives to Overcome Problems

Clients often come to me with longstanding problems that they have been unable to overcome. Often, these clients have had many years of talk therapy.  They might have gained some intellectual insight into their problems, but the problems still persist.  They usually feel frustrated and discouraged by the time I see them.

Clinical Hypnosis and Hypnoprojective

As a therapist who uses mind-body oriented psychotherapy, I have discovered that using hypnoprojectives during clinical hypnosis often alleviates problems that have resisted change for many years.  A hypnoprojectives is a technique that is used in clinical hypnosis where a client, who is in a relaxed hypnotic state, can "watch" a movie or TV program in his or her imagination about a person who is very much like him or her with a very similar problem.  In this relaxed state, clients will often come up with creative solutions to their problems that they would never have come up with in their normal state of consciousness.

There is something about seeing a problem from someone else's perspective while in this relaxed state that allows a person to see the situation in a new way.  Also, being in a relaxed hypnotic state allows a person access to his or her unconscious where creative solutions often reside.

As I've mentioned in prior blog posts, clinical hypnosis is not magic.  It's not something that it "done" to you.  When you're in a hypnotic state, you are completely conscious of everything around you and in complete control the entire time.

If you're considering clinical hypnosis, always see a licensed mental health professional. There are many people who call themselves hypnotists who might be trained in certain hypnotic techniques, but they're not licensed clinicians.  If something should come up in the hypnosis that is disturbing, they will not know how to handle it, whereas a licensed mental health professional will be trained for these types of situations.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming the Fears that Keep You Stuck

Fear can be a debilitating force that keeps us stuck and immobilized. We might want to accomplish certain goals, but overwhelming fear can keep us from even finding out what we need to do to get on the right path to achieve those goals. Sometimes, years go by, and the fear makes achieving our goals seem like an impossibility.

Overcoming the Fears that Keep You Stuck

On my first day registering for college at Hunter College of CUNY, I met a woman who was getting the paperwork to apply to the college. She told me that she'd been waiting more than 10 years to apply to college. Going to college had been her dream for all that time, she told me in a nervous and excited tone. She'd spent those years working and saving her money so she could go.

During those years, all she could get were dead end jobs that she hated, but she persevered with her goal in mind. In order to save up for four years of tuition, she made a lot of sacrifices. She kept a very strict budget: She hardly ever went out socially; she didn't buy any new clothes; and she watched every penny she spent. Now, after saving all her money, she was finally ready to get the information she needed to apply. No one in her family had ever gone to college, so this was a very big thing for her.

As listened to her more, it became evident that she'd had so many fears about going to college, even in terms of the application process, that she never found out about financial aid, scholarships or loans. Her fear for something she very much wanted kept her from even getting basic information that could have saved her from delaying all those years and making unnecessary sacrifices.

 She had been told by her parents that college was very expensive, out of reach for them and probably out of reach for her. So, she avoided getting information and doggedly set about saving every penny, convinced that she had to sacrifice everything in order to begin the process of applying for college.

As she was telling me how she scrimped and saved, I wondered how she was going to feel when she found out she didn't need to wait all those years to make her dream come true. As it turned out, I saw her a few months later, after she had been accepted to the college. She told me how shocked she was that she was entitled to a substantial amount of financial aid, and she didn't need to sacrifice all those years, staying home, and depriving herself. She realized that, during all those years, she allowed her fear of even getting information to keep her stuck, and when she finally mobilized herself to pursue her dream, it wasn't nearly as daunting as she anticipated. She regretted self sacrificing needlessly and wished she had looked into things sooner.

Even though I didn't know this young woman well, I never forgot her story and the lesson it provided. When we're fearful of pursuing our dreams, they often seem so much more daunting than they turn out to be. Often, when we're finally on the path where we want to be, we say to ourselves, "Wow! This isn't as bad as I thought! Why did I wait? I could have started sooner."

You can overcome fears that keep you stuck

Of course, it's not always so simple. Overwhelming trauma often creates fears that make it very difficult to overcome. We can't always "bootstrap" ourselves along to overcome our fears. Sometimes, we need help. Not knowing this young woman well, I don't know what possible traumatic events might have occurred to her parents to cause them to feel that college was an almost unattainable goal for their daughter. I don't know what fears this young woman might have taken on from them or developed on her own. But I could feel the regret and disappointment she experienced for allowing her fears to overcome her.

Letting go of your fears

Working with a skilled hypnotherapist, it's possible to overcome long-held fears that keep you from achieving your dreams. As I've mentioned in other blog posts, clinical hypnosis isn't a "magic bullet." It's not something that's done to you while you passively observe. But it can be an effective form of therapy to help you overcome the emotional obstacles that keep you stuck.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individuals and couples.

To find out more about clinical hypnosis, you can visit the professional hypnosis website: American Society of Clinical Hypnosis

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Hypnosis: Developing the Confidence to Succeed at What You Thought You Couldn't Do

What is clinical hypnosis?
Clinical hypnosis is a form of therapy which has been known to help clients to develop self confidence. As I've mentioned in prior blog posts, while hypnosis isn't a quick fix or a magic bullet to resolving problems, it's often more effective than regular "talk therapy" in helping clients to overcome obstacles.

When performed by an experienced and skilled hypnotherapist, clinical hypnosis can help clients to access the unconscious mind where people often have untapped resources they are unaware of in regular waking consciousness. With regard to developing self confidence, clinical hypnosis allows clients to access other experiences where, initially, they might have doubted their abilities to succeed, but they succeeded nonetheless. It can be a very uplifting experience to succeed in an endeavor where, originally, you thought you wouldn't be able to do it.

Using hypnosis to access these emotions is more than just remembering what it was like to succeed. Hypnosis can help you on an unconscious level to use the felt sense of that successful experience to develop self confidence in the present. Hypnosis can help to amplify your former state of self confidence in a particular situation from the past and use it in the here and now.

Why affirmations often aren't enough
Many people use affirmations to help overcome a lack of self confidence. Affirmations can be helpful but, for many, they often remain a superficial experience that doesn't go very deep. The advantage of using hypnosis is that it can help you to access deeper states of consciousness where you can often bypass the negative thinking that creeps in on a conscious level.

Are you giving yourself negative hypnotic suggestions?

You might not even realize, until you experience hypnosis, that you are giving yourself negative hypnotic suggestions. As strange as that might sound, most of us have experienced times when we've engaged in automatic negative thought like, "I can't do that" or "I'm not good enough to do that" that keep us trapped in a state of low self confidence. If this type of thinking is habitual, it can be a powerful way to keep us in that state.

Break the cycle of negative thinking
Breaking the cycle of automatic negative thinking can be a challenge, but it can be accomplished.

Having access to the felt sense experience of earlier successes from any time in your life and being able to apply it to a current situation can help you to overcome emotional obstacles that keep you stuck in your current situation. It doesn't matter if it was a feeling of success that you experienced yesterday or when you learned to ride a bike when you were five. It doesn't have to be related to what you want to accomplish now. It can be any experience in your life. It's all stored in your unconscious mind and accessible through clinical hypnosis.

Lack of confidence is often related to earlier trauma

For some people, their lack of self confidence is related to earlier trauma. If this is the case, a skilled hypnotherapist can help you to overcome the trauma. Once again, this isn't magic and it's often not quick, especially if there are multiple traumas. For other people, their lack of self confidence is part of their depression. Hypnotherapy can also be helpful to overcome depression.

How long does it take to develop self confidence?

There's no way to tell in advance how many sessions might be needed to overcome a lack of self confidence. Everyone is different. There can be many factors involved, including the client's level of motivation and willingness to change.

Developing the self confidence to succeed at what you thought you couldn't do through clinical hypnosis can be a life changing experience.

Choose a licensed therapist

When you're seeking clinical hypnosis treatment, make sure you choose a licensed psychotherapist who has the clinical skills and expertise to help you. There are many hypnotists who have learned hypnotic techniques, but they're not trained mental health professionals. If more complex underlying psychological issues arise, they don't have the skills to deal with it. When in doubt, ask about licensure before you start treatment.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist. 

 I provide psychotherapy services to individuals and couples, including clinical hypnosis, EMDR, Somatic Experiencing and dynamic talk therapy.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist & Hypnotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Hypnosis and Creative Visualization for Stress Management

As long as we're alive we will experience stress. We cannot eliminate stress from our lives, nor would we want to. A healthy level of stress gets us through the day and helps us to achieve our goals. 

Hypnosis and Creative Visualization for Stress Management

What causes problems for people is not stress itself. Rather, it's our negative reactions to stress, our distress, that often cause emotional and physical problems. 

A combination of clinical hypnosis and creative visualization often help to allow us to relax and calm our minds and bodies. As part of my work with psychotherapy clients, I usually teach them to use creative visualization and self hypnosis to feel more relaxed and refreshed.

Hypnosis and Creative Visualization
As I've mentioned in a previous blog post, all hypnosis is really self hypnosis. 

When I say this I mean that, even when a hypnotherapist is guiding you through the hypnotic process, you're own body and mind are doing the hypnotic work--not the hypnotherapist. 

With regular practice, self hypnosis is a skill that most people can develop. Some people go into the hypnotic state more easily than others. But my experience has been that most people can enter the hypnotic state, once they learn how. 

Hypnosis is usually very relaxing and refreshing, There's nothing mysterious or magical about the hypnotic state. In fact, we all enter into various levels of the hypnotic state or trance everyday when we day dream.

Creative visualization is also a skill that most people can learn, even people who insist that they don't see anything when they close their eyes and try to visualize. 

Often, there are misunderstandings about what is meant by visualizing. Some people think that if they're not seeing strong images, they're not visualizing. So, once again, if you're able to have day dreams and night dreams, which most people do, more than likely, you'll be able to develop this skill with practice.

Creative visualization can be used not only to relax. It can be used to help improve your mood, to achieve a goal, to improve your health, and it has many other benefits. For instance, athletes use creative imagery all the time to improve their athletic skills.

An Example of Creative Visualization
As an example, if you've ever watched an Olympic diving competition, you might have noticed that divers usually stand on the edge of the diving board for a few seconds with their eyes closed before they do their dives. 

During that time, they're doing a mental rehearsal of their dives, visualizing and proactively experiencing in their bodies how they want to execute the dive before they actually do it. They've been trained by their coaches that this mental rehearsal substantially improves the possibility of executing a flawless dive. Other professional athletes, including tennis players, baseball players and others also know the value of using creative visualization as part of their training to improve their game.

Combination of Clinical Hypnosis and Creative Visualization Can Be Empowering
The combination of clinical hypnosis and creative visualization can be very empowering. When you're in a hypnotic state, you are engaing a deeper part of yourself, your unconscious mind. Therapeutic work which is done on the unconscious level tends to be more powerful as compared to work done strictly on the conscious or cognitive level where you're only working on the surface.

Visualizing a Relaxing Place
One of the exercises I usually teach clients is using self hypnosis and creative visualization to see and experience themselves in a relaxing place. Once they've learned self hypnosis, they choose a place, either a real place that they know or an imagined place, to experience in the hypnotic state, bringing in as many senses as they can. The sensory experience is key to helping to bring about relaxation. Sensory experiences include noticing what you see, hear, feel, sense, smell, and taste on this imaginary level.



Even if you don't think you don't know how to enter into a self hypnotic state, you can still benefit from taking a few minutes to imagine yourself in a relaxing place. Think of it as entering into a pleasant day dream or reverie and don't get hung up on whether you are or aren't in a hypnotic state. When you choose a relaxing place to day dream about, it should be a place that is unambiguously pleasant. 

So, for instance, if you're thinking about a beach that you love, but you had a big argument with your boyfriend or girlfriend there and that's the image and feeling that predominate for you, don't use that place because it's not going to be relaxing.

Choose a place to practice the relaxing place experience where you can have some quiet time to yourself. Also, make sure that you're in a place where it's safe to close your eyes and relax. So, you would never do this while driving, operating machinery or anywhere where you need to be alert to your surroundings.

When you've found the appropriate time, place to practice, and the image of a relaxing place that's right for you, close your eyes and imagine this place, making your senses as vivid as possible. 

For most people, visualization is their strongest sense. But for some people their imaginary sense of sound, smell, taste or sensation might be more dominant. 

As best as you can, start to notice how relaxing this place is. Often, after just a few minutes, you'll notice that your body starts to relax. This is because of the mind-body connection. Our minds affect our bodies and our bodies affect our minds. So, if you visualize a relaxing place, your mind sends a signal to your body to relax.

For most people who are interested in developing their abilities in self hypnosis and creative visualization, practice and patience are key to improving these skills. Just like any other skill that you develop, it takes time and some effort. But the benefit you derive for managing your reactions to stress can be very rewarding.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist. 

I provide psychotherapy services to individuals and couples, including dynamic talk therapy,clinical hypnosis, EMDR, and Somatic Experiencing. 

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

All Hypnosis is Self Hypnosis

All hypnosis, whether it's through a hypnotherapist or you've learned to do it on your own, is self hypnosis. You might wonder how hypnosis that is conducted by a hypnotherapist can be self hypnosis. Well, the answer is that, during hypnosis, you have complete control of the messages you take in. 

All Hypnosis is Self Hypnosis

Even when a hypnotherapist is helping you to get into a hypnotic state, you're in a relaxed state, you always maintain dual awareness of everything around you, and your unconscious mind will only take in what's best for you.

Misconceptions about Hypnosis
People often have misconceptions about hypnosis. Unlike the unfortunate caricature of stage hypnosis, during clinical hypnosis, you're completely aware of the here-and-now as well as whatever you're working on in hypnosis. The hypnotic state is a relaxed, natural state that we all go through many times a day. Daydreaming or going into reverie states is similar to the hypnotic trance state.

Hypnosis is Not a "Quick Fix"

Although safe and effective when it's performed by a licensed mental health professional, hypnosis is not a "quick fix" or something that is "done to" you. This is another misconception--that you can sit back and it will be as if someone is waving a magic wand over you. In fact, if you're not really motivated to change whatever issue you're presenting to the hypnotherapist, hypnosis often won't work.

If you work with a hypnotherapist (as opposed to a hypnotist), you can also learn to do hypnosis on your own (what most people refer to as self hypnosis) for many emotional and physical conditions, including anxiety, medical issues, and pain management.

You Don't Need to Go Into a Deep Trance to Benefit From Hypnosis

Clinical hypnosis is not a panacea, but it has been very helpful for many people over the years. Even though some people are more easily hypnotized than others, you don't need to go into a deep trance to experience the benefits of hypnosis. In fact, Milton Erickson, the father of modern hypnosis, was a master at conversational hypnosis.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist who provides mental health services to adults, including talk therapy, clinical hypnosis, Somatic Experiencing, and EMDR.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.