Making and Keeping New Year's Resolutions

As a psychotherapist and hypnotherapist in New York City, this is the time of year when I see new clients coming to therapy because they've decided to make important changes in their lives. This is the time of year when many of us take stock, think about our lives, and make New Year's resolutions about the things that we want to change about ourselves. 

Making and Keeping New Year's Resolutions

Clinical hypnosis (also known as hypnotherapy) is a safe and effective way to change old habits and create new and positive changes. Whether you want to develop better communication skills in your relationship, change old eating habits, stop smoking, or create an overall healthier lifestyle, clinical hypnosis has helped thousands of people to overcome obstacles that were keeping them from making those changes on their own.

At the beginning of the New Year when people make their New Year's resolutions, many people start with enthusiasm, motivation and determination to make the changes that they want to see in their lives. However, after a month or two, many of those same people get frustrated and discouraged when they don't see the changes happening fast enough, and they abandon their efforts. When you work with a licensed mental health professional who has advanced training in clinical hypnosis, you're able to work more deeply on the unconscious issues that keep you from making the changes that you want to make. It's not as much of a struggle as when you try to do it on your own.

If you, like many others, are at the point when you've made your New Year's resolutions and you feel determined to make those changes, here are some tips that might be helpful:

Recognize that Change is a Process:
Since change is a process that happens over time, and usually not a one-time event, recognize that making changes, especially if you're trying to do it on your own, might take longer than you think.

Focus on Changing Your Behavior:
Instead of focusing on specific results (e.g., wanting to lose a specific amount of weight by a specific date), focus on changing your behavior. So, for instance, instead of saying, "I want to lose 15 lbs. by March 1st," focus on eating healthier and more nutritious meals. When you focus on healthier eating habits, your goal will be a broader change that will be longer lasting, more holistic and more effective than planning for particular weight loss. You're also more likely to keep off any weight that you've lost when you have a broader goal.

Choose Only One or Two Changes at a Time:
If you overwhelm yourself with too many New Year's resolutions at a time, you are probably setting yourself up for failure. Choosing one or two behaviors that you would like to change is more likely to be effective. As you see positive changes in those one or two areas that you want to change, you'll feel more confident about yourself. Then, after you've consolidated your gains in these areas, you can consider other areas that you'd like to change.

Decide What You'd Like to Add to Your Life As Well:
When you decide to make a change in yourself, decide what you'd like to add to your life as well. So, for instance, if you want to stop smoking and you know that you tend to smoke when you get anxious, think about what pleasant activities you can substitute for your old smoking habit when you feel triggered by anxiety. Attending a yoga class, going to the gym, talking to a friend, learning to meditate, or some other healthy activity that you would enjoy, might be among the activities that you choose to add to your life. So, it's not just about "giving up smoking." The overall goal is to lead a healthier life, you're learning new coping skills for when you get anxious, and you're also adding healthy activities to create greater happiness in your life.

Recognize that You Might Slip Back into Old Behaviors:
This gets back to the idea that change is a process. So, it's better not to engage in all-or-nothing thinking when you're trying to make changes in your life. Recognize that you might slip back into the old behaviors that you're trying to change. Plan for these slips so that you're prepared if and when they occur. For many people, this is the time when they become frustrated and they give up on their New Year's resolutions. So, rather than berating yourself and giving up, acknowledge that you're human, you had a slip, recommit to your goal and move on.

Consider Clinical Hypnosis:
If you've tried all of the above suggestions and you find that you're still struggling to keep those New Year's resolutions that are so important to you, you might want to consider attending clinical hypnosis sessions with a licensed mental health professional who has advanced training in hypnotherapy.

Remember, there's a big difference between a lay "hypnotist" and a licensed mental health professional who is a hypnotherapist. While the "hypnotist" might know some hypnotic techniques, the licensed mental health professional who is a hypnotherapist has advanced therapeutic training and is recognized as a licensed professional in your State.

I am a licensed psychotherapist and hypnotherapist in NYC. I have helped many clients to make positive changes so they can lead more fulfilling lives.

I wish everyone a Happy and Healthy New Year.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Achieving Your Goals: Using the Mind-Body Connection to Create a Vision of What You Want

We've all heard about how important it is to set goals in order to have the life that you want.  But for many people goal setting remains a mystery.  They're not sure where to start.  So, in this article, I'm focusing on the first stage of goal setting, which is creating a vision of what you want.

Achieving Your Goals: Using the Mind-Body Connection to Create a Vision of What You Want

Goal Setting:  Creating a Vision of What You Want

In order to set goals for yourself, you need to know what you want.  Although this sounds logical, for many people, this is a big stumbling block because they don't know what they want.

In many ways, the initial stage of goal setting, creating a vision, can be the most fun stage.  

By relaxing and using your imagination, you can begin to create a vision for yourself that will help you to realize what you want.

Achieving Your Goals: Using the Mind-Body Connection to Create a Vision of What You Want

During the early 1980s, I read a book by Shakti Gawain called Creative Visualization: Use the Power of Your Imagination to Create What You Want in Life.

In this book, Ms. Gawain outlines how you can use, among other things, mental imagery to free up your imagination so you can create visualizations as the starting point of your goal setting process.  I would recommend this book as a start if you're having a problem at the initial stage of goal setting.

I recommend, at this stage, that people just allow themselves the freedom to visualize whatever their imagination comes up with without censoring themselves.

Allow yourself to dream and play with ideas.  Later on, you can get more specific.  But at this stage it's important to allow yourself to "play" with the images that come up without judging them.

Goal Setting:  Concretizing the Images and Using Your Vision as a Road Map to Achieve Your Goals

The next stage would be to write down the images or ideas that come to you.

It's important to capture your images and ideas and to concretize them in some way.  Whether this means writing down a list or, if you want to take more time and be creative, drawing or making collages that are symbolic of what you want.

Achieving Your Goals: Creating a Road Map

Symbols can be powerful representations that help to stimulate your imagination even more and also help you to develop other ideas.

Whichever way you choose to concretize what comes up in your imagination, capturing it in a concrete way, on the most basic level, helps you to remember it rather than allowing it to slip away like a puff of smoke.  It also helps to reinforce whatever comes up and helps you to create a road map to follow to achieve your goals.

Goal Setting: Clinical Hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing

For many people, who try to use their imagination to create a vision of what they want, nothing comes. No matter how hard they try, their minds remain blank and all they see when they close their eyes is, well, nothing.

Initially, when I first tried to do visualizations many years ago, I also got nothing.  I had friends who had wonderful, very detailed technicolor visualizations.  I was happy for them, but I also wished that I could do more than draw a blank when I closed my eyes.

Over time, I practiced visualizing and I got much better at it (see my article:  Wellness: Learning to Visualize in Meditation for helpful tips on improving your visualization skills).

For people who really feel stuck, clinical hypnosis (also known as hypnotherapy), as conducted by a licensed mental health professional who is a hypnotherapist, can help you to relax and open up to that creative part of yourself that you might not have even realized was part of you.

People have many preconceived ideas about clinical hypnosis, based on seeing stage hypnosis by a lay hypnotist, which is a distortion of what clinical hypnosis really is.

Achieving Your Goals: Using the Mind-Body Connection to Create a Vision of What You Want

Somatic Experiencing is a mind-body oriented therapy that can allow you, among other things, to tap into your creative imagination (see my article:  Mind-Body Psychotherapy: The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind to understand Somatic Experiencing).

When clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing are used together, they can become powerful tools for transformation.

Working with a licensed therapist who is trained in hypnotherapy and Somatic Experiencing can help to free your imagination so that you can create a vision of your goals so you can realize your goals.

Getting Help in Therapy
Since I began using Somatic Experiencing and clinical hypnosis with my clients in my psychotherapy private practice several years ago, I have found, in many cases, that these mind-body oriented techniques are often more powerful than regular talk therapy for people who feel stuck.

Rather than struggling on your own, you can overcome whatever is blocking you from creating what you want in your life by working with a therapist who is trained in clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many people to create and achieve their goals so they can live a more fulfilling life.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

The Challenge of Keeping New Year's Resolutions

The New Year is usually the time when people take stock and make resolutions to change or improve their lives. Whether this involves losing weight, smoking cessation, or improved time management, most people start out with sincere motivation to change. But research has shown that, often within a few months, most of us become discouraged and abandon our resolutions. Often, people make the same resolutions every year--only to give up by March or April.

The Challenge of Keeping New Year's Resolutions

Why Do People Usually Give Up on Their Resolutions So Quickly
So, if people usually start out with such high hopes and determination, why do they give up on their resolutions in such a relatively short period of time? Well, it's obvious that there's no one answer for everyone.

For some people, the resolutions are either too vague or poorly defined. For others, their resolutions are things they think they "should" be doing, but the resolutions aren't really what they want. And, for others, there are unconscious underlying reasons that keep tripping them up. Unaware of these reasons, they keep looking for external obstacles for their difficulties in keeping their resolutions.

Becoming Aware of the Unconscious Intention

For example, weight loss, which is one of the most common New Year's resolutions, is very challenging for many people.

The Challenge of Keeping New Year's Resolutions

Often, the underlying unconscious intention for overeating is to feel loved, especially in families where food symbolized nurturing. The intention, to feel loved, is a positive intention. But the way it's being expressed, by overeating, has negative consequences, weight gain and, possibly, poor health.

If the person who wants to lose weight is unaware of these underlying intentions, he or she will continue to struggle with this resolution. Even if someone is aware that food symbolizes love, s/he might not know how to have this need fulfilled in a more positive way.

Achieving Your Goals in a Healthy Way
For people who have struggled year after year with the same resolutions, rather than feeling discouraged, consulting with a psychotherapist to overcome these obstacles can help them to achieve their goals in a healthier way.

New Year's Resolutions:  Achieving Your Goals in a Healthy Way

A licensed psychotherapist, who has experience with helping people to discover their underlying obstacles, and to set and achieve goals, can help clients to overcome longstanding impediments to their happiness.

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist. I work with individual adults and couples. I have helped many clients to overcome obstacles so they can lead meaningful and fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at 212 726-1006.



photo credit: Martin Gillet via photopin cc

Developing the Courage to Change

Anyone who has ever attempted to make a major change in his or her life knows what a challenge this can be. Not only does it take courage to make a commitment to your goal, but before you even make a commitment, it requires courage to admit that there's even a need to make a change and then even more courage to actually make the change.

Developing the Courage to Change

When Change is Forced Upon Us

There are times when we're forced to adapt to change because it's forced upon us, and we have no choice but to deal with those changes.

Some examples of this are: loss of a job, death of loved ones, end of a marriage, and our own aging process. These are changes that we have no control over. Accepting that we have no control also takes courage--the courage to face a problem and not to go into denial or make useless efforts to try to change things that we can't change.

When We Choose to Change

In most cases, having a certain degree of control and choice tends to be easier when faced with changes than having changes forced upon you.

 It's even better if you have time to plan for the change and you can do it gradually over time. These type of changes might include: improving eating habits under normal circumstances, losing weight, changing careers while still employed, and so on.

Developing the Courage to Change
Even when we're choosing to make a major change in our lives, we might have mixed feelings about it.

On the one hand, on some level, we're ready for the change.  But, on the other hand, in many ways, it's easier to remain the same, even if we know we've outgrown the current situation.  Our mixed feelings can keep us stuck in the current situation indefinitely, which can be frustrating.

So, how do we develop the courage to change when change seems so hard to do?  Well, depending upon what we're trying to change, we might need to take the change one step at a time rather than allowing ourselves to become overwhelmed by jumping too far ahead.

Often, we have to take it on faith that we're going to be all right while we're making a major change in our lives.

Enlisting the help of supportive loved ones can help us to develop the courage to change.  We want to choose people who will encourage us rather than reinforce our own fears about change.  It's especially helpful to have supportive people who have also gone through a similar process in their lives and were able to make meaningful changes in their own lives.

Getting Help in Therapy
When change feels overwhelming and the support of loved ones is not enough or it's nonexistent, people often benefit from seeking the help of a licensed mental health professional, an expert who can be objective and help you overcome whatever obstacles are getting in the way of making the changes that you want to make.

Rather than allowing months or even years to pass where you remain stuck in a rut, you owe it to yourself to get help so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming the Fears that Keep You Stuck

Fear can be a debilitating force that keeps us stuck and immobilized. We might want to accomplish certain goals, but overwhelming fear can keep us from even finding out what we need to do to get on the right path to achieve those goals. Sometimes, years go by, and the fear makes achieving our goals seem like an impossibility.

Overcoming the Fears that Keep You Stuck

On my first day registering for college at Hunter College of CUNY, I met a woman who was getting the paperwork to apply to the college. She told me that she'd been waiting more than 10 years to apply to college. Going to college had been her dream for all that time, she told me in a nervous and excited tone. She'd spent those years working and saving her money so she could go.

During those years, all she could get were dead end jobs that she hated, but she persevered with her goal in mind. In order to save up for four years of tuition, she made a lot of sacrifices. She kept a very strict budget: She hardly ever went out socially; she didn't buy any new clothes; and she watched every penny she spent. Now, after saving all her money, she was finally ready to get the information she needed to apply. No one in her family had ever gone to college, so this was a very big thing for her.

As listened to her more, it became evident that she'd had so many fears about going to college, even in terms of the application process, that she never found out about financial aid, scholarships or loans. Her fear for something she very much wanted kept her from even getting basic information that could have saved her from delaying all those years and making unnecessary sacrifices.

 She had been told by her parents that college was very expensive, out of reach for them and probably out of reach for her. So, she avoided getting information and doggedly set about saving every penny, convinced that she had to sacrifice everything in order to begin the process of applying for college.

As she was telling me how she scrimped and saved, I wondered how she was going to feel when she found out she didn't need to wait all those years to make her dream come true. As it turned out, I saw her a few months later, after she had been accepted to the college. She told me how shocked she was that she was entitled to a substantial amount of financial aid, and she didn't need to sacrifice all those years, staying home, and depriving herself. She realized that, during all those years, she allowed her fear of even getting information to keep her stuck, and when she finally mobilized herself to pursue her dream, it wasn't nearly as daunting as she anticipated. She regretted self sacrificing needlessly and wished she had looked into things sooner.

Even though I didn't know this young woman well, I never forgot her story and the lesson it provided. When we're fearful of pursuing our dreams, they often seem so much more daunting than they turn out to be. Often, when we're finally on the path where we want to be, we say to ourselves, "Wow! This isn't as bad as I thought! Why did I wait? I could have started sooner."

You can overcome fears that keep you stuck

Of course, it's not always so simple. Overwhelming trauma often creates fears that make it very difficult to overcome. We can't always "bootstrap" ourselves along to overcome our fears. Sometimes, we need help. Not knowing this young woman well, I don't know what possible traumatic events might have occurred to her parents to cause them to feel that college was an almost unattainable goal for their daughter. I don't know what fears this young woman might have taken on from them or developed on her own. But I could feel the regret and disappointment she experienced for allowing her fears to overcome her.

Letting go of your fears

Working with a skilled hypnotherapist, it's possible to overcome long-held fears that keep you from achieving your dreams. As I've mentioned in other blog posts, clinical hypnosis isn't a "magic bullet." It's not something that's done to you while you passively observe. But it can be an effective form of therapy to help you overcome the emotional obstacles that keep you stuck.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individuals and couples.

To find out more about clinical hypnosis, you can visit the professional hypnosis website: American Society of Clinical Hypnosis

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Making Changes One Step at at Time

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." said the Chinese sage, Lao-tzu.

Making Changes One Step at a Time

One of the major obstacles for people who want to make major changes in their lives, but who don't, is that they think about everything that they would need to do to make the change and they become overwhelmed and discouraged before they even start.

Change is a Process
While it's important to know the process and the steps that we need to take to make changes in our lives, often, if we focus on the entire process at once, it can seem too daunting to accomplish. For major transitions that might take months or even years, it's usually so much more beneficial to think about the change in terms of incremental steps. 

Breaking down a major transition into a step-by-step process is a lot less stressful than focusing on everything at once from beginning to end. Focusing on one step at a time also provides us with markers along the way where we can see progress. Usually, seeing incremental progress along the way gives us the incentive to keep going to the next step.

For example, as a psychotherapist, I've seen many clients who have considered either going back to college or graduate school to complete their degrees, often after having been out of college for many years. 

For most of these clients, furthering their education would mean maintaining a full time job and taking classes at night, which is no easy task. For most of them, the usual reaction to considering such an endeavor is something along the lines of, "I would love to go to graduate school and get my Masters degree. It would really open doors for me in my career. But when I think about working full time and taking classes at night, I feel too overwhelmed."

I empathize with these feelings because I attended most of my college classes at night while maintaining a full time job. I also worked full time while getting my graduate degree and postgraduate training. Anyone who has ever worked and taken classes at night knows that it can be challenging on so many levels. 

However, the long-term rewards can be tremendous. The other comment that clients often make in this type of situation is, "But I'll be 45 by the time I complete my degree in three years" to which I usually respond, "But you'll be 45 any way in three years, either with or without your degree."

In the above example, what if instead of focusing all at once on the three years of working full time and going to classes at night, the client were to break down the process into manageable steps? So the steps might be: get the college brochure, find out what would be required, enroll in one class and see how that goes, etc. At each step along the way, there is a decision point as to whether or not to continue.

Making Changes: Along the Way You Have Choices
It's important to realize that at any step along the way you can stop and decide whether to go to the next step. The alternative, feeling that once you start it will be like a runaway train that keeps going, does make it all seem too daunting. 

More importantly, it's not the reality of the situation and these feelings are often fueled by anxiety. For most people that I have helped with this issue and similar issues, they enjoy each step along the way, which encourages them to decide to take the next step. Then, before they realize it, time has passed, they've accomplished what they set out to do, they feel proud of themselves, and new opportunities become available to them.

The same principal would apply to changing certain habits or addictive behavior. As a hypnotherapist, I help clients to stop smoking. I also help clients with alcohol abuse, eating disorders, sexual addiction and other addictive behaviors. 

It's not unusual for clients to tell me, "When I think about not drinking for the rest of my life, it's too overwhelming. I don't think I can do it" to which I often respond, "So, what if you didn't think of it like that? What if you took it one day [or one step] at a time? " For most people, it's such a relief not to have to focus that far ahead. Then, as days, weeks, months and years pass, they build a sense of competence in themselves. The cravings often subside and, over time, they usually realize that they're able to do it, day by day.

Are There Changes You Would Like to Make?
Are there changes that you'd like to make in your life, but you feel too overwhelmed to even start? If so, you could benefit from working with a psychotherapist who is able to help you to break down your goals into manageable steps and provide you with the tools you need to succeed.

About Me
I'm a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.   

I have helped many individual adults and couples to overcome obstacles that have kept them from accomplishing their goals.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, please call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.