Embracing Your Internal Contradictions and Paradoxes

In prior articles, I've discussed how people are complex with many different internal aspects, including contradictory and paradoxical aspects (see my articles: Understanding the Different Aspects of Yourself That Make You Who You Are).  

Embracing Your Internal Contradictions and Paradoxes

Why Is It So Hard to Accept Contradictions and Paradoxes?

The idea of contradictory and paradoxical internal aspects is unsettling for many people.   I'm hoping this article, which is the first part of this subject, will help to normalize these concepts.

On the one hand, life might seem easier when everything remains the same.  Similarly, if things are going well from their perspective, people often prefer their loved ones to remain the same.  It makes it easier for them to know what to expect.  

On the other hand, whether we like it or not, people do change.  This includes making positive changes in psychotherapy that can be challenging for their loved ones (see my article: Your Family Might Not Be Supportive of the Positive Changes You're Making in Your Life as You Heal From Trauma).

We All Contain a Multiplicity of Selves

We all contain within us a multiplicity of selves. Some of those parts are in sync and others are contradictory.

Audre Lorde, who described herself as black, lesbian, mother, warrior and poet, once said, 

 "Only by learning to live in harmony with your contradictions can you keep it all afloat."

In “Song of Myself," Walt Whitman, essayist, poet and journalist, wrote, “Do I contradict myself?/Very well, then I contradict myself (I am large, I contain multitudes)."

Duality and Contradictions in Mythology

Mythology has many examples of duality and contradictions.

The ancient Greek myth of Demeter and Persephone is one example:  Demeter, who is the goddess of the harvest, provides bountiful crops so that the Greeks had plenty of food to eat.  She is also the goddess who oversees the cycle of life and fertility.  

But when her daughter, Persephone is abducted by the god of the Underworld, Hades, Demeter is so bereft that she becomes the goddess of hunger and starvation as she wanders the Earth searching for Persephone and, in doing so, neglecting the crops.

Eventually, Zeus, who the chief deity of the Greek pantheon and Demeter's father, intervenes. 

He knows people can't make sacrifices to the gods if they don't have food to eat. So, he reaches a compromise with Hades and Demeter so that Persephone spends most of the year on Earth with Demeter and part of the year with Hades.  According to this myth, this is why we have different seasons, including spring and winter.

Similarly, in Hindu mythology, the goddess Kali has the power to destroy and to create.  Even though she appears in many stories about destruction, Kali is also the goddess of creation.  

The myth about Kali recognizes there can be no creation without destruction.  It is a cycle.  Accordingly, she is a powerful goddess, who is believed to have existed before time and who will continue to exist after time ends.

What is the Difference Between a Paradox and a Contradiction?

In contemporary times, aside from the complexities of being human, life is filled with contradictions and paradoxes.  

This can be confusing at times, but understanding and accepting these concepts can also make life richer.

Although people often use these two words interchangeably, they have different meanings.

Most people know the meaning of a contradiction.  A contradiction involves conflicting elements within the same system.  

An example of a contradiction can be seen in a job search process where a person can't get a job without job experience, but they can't get experience without a job.

A paradox is more complex.  It's something that is seemingly contradictory but, upon deeper investigation, you discover the truth in it.  

I gave an example of a paradox in my article Anxiety as an Emotional Aphrodisiac where anxiety is usually thought of as inhibiting sexual desire, but for many people, it serves as an aphrodisiac which increases desire.

Other Examples of Paradoxes:

• People need both stability and change to grow.
• A couple often needs some distance in order to feel closer to each other.
• To earn money you need to spend money.
• Sometimes you have to take a step back to move forward.
• No decision becomes a decision.

Embracing Contradictions and Paradoxes

In my article, Do You Want to Change? Start By Accepting Yourself as You Are, I introduced a paradox.  

The article goes on to look closer at the concept of self acceptance and what it means in the context of wanting to change.  

Starting with acceptance allows you to acknowledge how you are at that point in time.  It doesn't mean you're complacent or that you've given up on changing.  

When you want to change, starting with acceptance is a part of the process.

If you don't start by accepting yourself as you are, including your contradictions and paradoxes, you're more likely to have a negative attitude about yourself which can sabotage any efforts you make to change.

Getting Help in Therapy

Self compassion and acceptance can be challenging for many people.

If you are struggling with accepting your contradictions, you're not alone.  

A skilled psychotherapist, who has the expertise to help clients to achieve self acceptance as part of a larger change process can help you to live a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients to achieve self acceptance while they are on the path of transformation.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Having a Dialogue in Writing Between the Different Parts of Yourself

In my prior article,  Are You Approaching Your Problems From an Adult or Inner Child Perspective?, I discussed how Ego States therapy can help you to become aware of which aspect of yourself is active in any particular situation and how to shift from one self state to another self state that would be more effective.  

In the current article, I'm providing another possible way to access self states through writing. Throughout this article, I'll be using the terms parts, self states and aspects of self interchangeably.

Having a Dialogue in Writing Between the Different Parts of Yourself

A psychotherapist who does Ego State therapy introduces clients to the idea that everyone is made of many different inner parts.

Many people are already familiar with the concept of the inner child as an internal aspect of themselves.  An Ego States therapist furthers this idea to include many other aspects of the self.  For instance, an adult might have an adolescent self who is operating in a particular situation as I discussed in the prior article.

The aspects of self might also be identified by a particular attitude.  For instance, adult aspects might include a judgmental self, a fearful self, a self who becomes emotionally paralyzed/freezes at times, and so on.

Having a Dialogue in Writing Between the Different Aspects of Yourself
Becoming aware of your self states and making shifts between self states is easier when you have a psychotherapist who does Ego States therapy, but not everyone has access to an Ego States therapist, so you can also access your various self states through writing.

Before you can have a dialogue between self states, you need to identify the self states that are involved in a particular situation.

In order to become aware of self states, you don't need to worry about what you call the particular self states.  You can use whatever names that feel right to you or you can even call them Part A and Part B if you're really not sure how to identify them.

What's more important than labeling them is developing an understanding of each self state.  At first, this might be a very basic understanding and, as you continue to work with these parts, you can develop a more in-depth understanding.

Here's A Fictional Example:
Ted
Ted is ambivalent about going back to college.  He has been thinking about it for over a year, and he can't decide what to do.

Sometimes, he feels excited about returning to college to complete his degree and the possibilities that this can open up for him.  But there are also other times when he worries that he won't do well in college and it would be a mistake to return.

His ambivalence has kept Ted feeling confused about what's best for him.  Feeling ambivalent, Ted is at an impasse and he has been unable to make a decision.

Initially, Ted isn't sure what his ambivalence is about.  He knows that there are at least two parts of him that are in conflict about going back to college.  He doesn't know why he's in conflict about it or the root of this internal conflict.

As an experiment, Ted decides to write about this conflict by having a dialogue between Part A, the part that wants to return to college, and Part B, the part that worries that he won't do well and thinks it would be a mistake to return to college.

Having a Dialogue in Writing Between the Different Parts of Yourself

Keeping it simple, Ted begins by giving a voice to Part A and then allowing Part B to respond:

Part A:  I wasn't ready to be in college when I first went a year ago, but now I'm ready and excited to return.  I think it would open up many more job opportunities for me.  I want to go back.

Part B:  I'm worried that this would be a big mistake because you probably won't do well and then it would be a waste of time and money.  It's better not to risk it.

Part A:  I don't understand why you would think that I wouldn't do well.  I didn't leave because my grades weren't good. I left because I wasn't ready to be away from home, but in the last year, I've matured and I'm ready now.  Tell me more about your concerns.

Part B: I'm afraid that if I return, I might get homesick again and want to leave.  Then, I would feel like a failure.

Part A:  I understand your concerns and you might be right, but there are probably ways to address these concerns without giving up on college.

Part B:  Like what?

Part A: If I go away to college and I feel homesick, I can seek counseling at the student counseling center.  I can also choose not to return to the same college.  I could go to a local college instead where I can commute from home.

Part B: Well, those ideas sound like possibilities.  I'm open to considering it.  Let's talk about this again tomorrow.

As Ted continues to dialogue between these two parts of himself that are in conflict, he learns more about the hopes and fears of each part.  He learns the origin of his fears as Part B "talks" about other earlier times in his life when he was afraid to take risks.  In addition, he develops new ideas about how to deal with his fears.

Along the way, he might also identify other parts of himself that are involved in this conflict and gain insight into the role these other parts play.

As he continues to dialogue with these parts in writing and concretizes his various conflicting feelings, he feels calmer about it.  Now that he's writing about it and capturing his feelings on paper, he no longer has these conflicting feelings whirling around in his head in a confused state.  It's all down on paper.

As he gains insight into how his various conflicting aspects of himself are affecting his decision making process, he can address each of these issues by getting more concrete information, talking to others about it, and seeing where he might be catastrophizing about issues that aren't a catastrophe (see my article: Are You Catastrophizing?).

By dialoguing with his various self states, he is able to put his hopes and fears in perspective, and he is in a better position to make a decision.

Conclusion
Having an internal dialogue in writing with the various parts of yourself can help you to overcome problems where you're experiencing an internal conflict.

Being able to reflect on and write about the internal conflict from the perspective of the parts involved helps you to understand yourself better and have more compassion for yourself.

Writing out dialogues between your internal parts can also stimulate more creative ideas for overcoming the conflict that you might not have thought about if you didn't write about it.

Initially, you might feel uncomfortable doing this exercise but, once you're immersed in it, you will probably find it to be a very useful tool.

Getting Help in Therapy
A skilled psychotherapist can help you to understand the conflicting aspects of yourself as well as get to the root of your problems (see my articles: The Benefits of Psychotherapy and How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

If you have access to a licensed mental health professional, you have an opportunity to work through unresolved problems so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients using Ego States therapy.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

Are You Approaching Your Problems From Your Adult or Your Inner Child's Perspective?

As I've discussed in prior articles, everyone maintains within themselves various internal parts of themselves throughout the course of a lifetime, including a child self, a teenage self and an adult self.  

At any given time, one of your self states might dominate a particular situation without your being aware of it.  So, it's important to know "who's in charge" at certain times, and how to shift from one self state to another in order to manage your life more effectively.

    See my articles: 

Understanding the Different Aspects of Yourself That Make You Who You Are

How Your Shifting Self States Affect You For Better or Worse

Are You Approaching Your Problems From an Adult or Child's Perspective?

While there's a time and place to enjoy your younger self states, like when you're having fun, you don't want a younger self state in charge when you have to deal with adult problems.

Not only will that younger self state feel overwhelmed by trying to deal with an adult problem, but it won't be mature enough to handle the problem and it won't make the best possible decisions.  For instance, we would ever intentionally ask a three year old to make an important decision about an adult relationship?  Of course not.

But, as I mentioned in prior articles, when a younger self state steps in to try to handle an adult problem, it's an unconscious process.  Often, you're emotionally triggered into this younger self state without even knowing it.

Other people might recognize that you're not approaching your problem from a mature perspective, but it's often hard for you to see it yourself.

When you realize that your three year old self is trying to resolve an adult problem, you can understand why you're having difficulty overcoming your problem.

The important thing is, first, to recognize it and, second, to make the switch in a way that's respectful and compassionate to your various selves (i.e., without berating or denigrating any of the self states).

In my psychotherapy private practice in New York City, when I have clients who tend to approach certain problems from a younger self state which isn't helpful, I teach them how to shift into their adult self state.  I do this by helping clients to be aware of what's happening and then teaching them how to make the switch in a healthy way.

Fictional Clinical Vignette:
Learning to Switch From a Younger Self State to An Adult Self State
The following fictional clinical vignette demonstrates how to recognize when a younger self state is trying to resolve an adult problem and how to switch into your adult state using Ego States therapy:

Tania
Tania, who was in her late 20s, started therapy because she was having problems with her supervisor at work.

Are You Approaching Your Problems From Your Adult or From a Child Perspective?

Although she liked her job as a sales representative, she didn't like getting directives from her supervisor, especially since he tended to be abrupt with her when he was under pressure.  At those times, Tania reacted negatively to him, but she only recognized it after the fact when he pointed it out to her.

Although he acknowledged his part in their dynamic and he said he would try to be more aware of how he came across, her supervisor told Tania that she also needed to change her behavior.

Tania explained to her therapist that when her supervisor was abrupt with her, she would lose her motivation and take off days from work.  Lately, this was more problematic than usual because everyone at work was under additional pressure to meet their sales goals, which was challenging.

Tania told her therapist that her pattern was that after she took off a few days from work, she recognized in hindsight that she was only making things more difficult for herself because she would have to work that much harder to meet her goals.

She was also afraid that, if she kept taking off days from work, she might be fired from her job, so it was critical that she learn how to deal with her problems in a healthier way.

Tania's psychotherapist asked her to describe in detail what happens to her when her supervisor is abrupt.  In response, Tania thought about it for a while and then described a typical scenario:

When her supervisor was under pressure from his director, he would be abrupt with her and the other sales reps.  In hindsight, she realized that her supervisor's behavior stemmed from his own anxiety and he was trying to change, but he wasn't always successful.  Whenever he was abrupt with her, she had an immediate reaction.  She felt angry and resentful and she wouldn't want to be at work.  Then, rather than communicating with her supervisor or looking for another job, she would call out sick for a few days to get away from the situation.  She would spend those days in bed and tell herself that she couldn't deal with her supervisor's attitude when he was under stress.  Generally, this made things worse for her in the long run.

In the next few sessions, Tania revealed that when she was growing up, her father, who was a retired Marine, tended to give her and her siblings "orders" in an abrupt manner, which Tania resented.  When she became a teenager, she rebelled against both of her parents by cutting classes in high school, and her grades suffered.  Fortunately, she was able to improve her grades so she could go to college.

As they continued to discuss these issues, her psychotherapist pointed out to Tania that she was reacting to her supervisor in a similar way to how she behaved when she rebelled against her parents. She explained Tania that it seemed that those old memories of her father being authoritative and abrupt were getting  triggered at work.  Tania thought about it, and she agreed that her behavior with her supervisor was adolescent behavior, and she wanted to change it.

Her psychotherapist provided Tania with psychoeducation about how it is common for people to shift into different self states without being aware of it, especially when they get triggered (see my article: Why It's Important For Psychotherapists to Provide Clients With Psychoeducation).

Then, she spoke with Tania about Ego States therapy and how Tania could learn to become more aware of her shifting self states before she reacted and, if she became aware that she was reacting in an adolescent way, how she could shift into an adult self state.

Since Tania tended to approach most areas of her life as an adult, she had many memories of handling tough situations in a mature and effective way.  Using those memories of being mature, Tania's therapist helped her to relax into a light hypnotic state so Tania could go back into those memories and become more aware of how she felt emotionally and physically when she approached challenges from an adult self state.

As Tania thought about a particular memory where she felt proud of how she handled a challenging situation, she was able to feel a sense of pride and satisfaction.  When her therapist asked Tania where she felt this in her body, Tania said she felt an expansiveness in her chest.

Over time, they went over several other similar memories, and Tania became sensitized to what it felt emotionally and physically in her body to approach challenges from an adult self state.

Then, her psychotherapist asked Tania to think about a prior memory where she approached her problems with her current supervisor from an adolescent self state.  This was relatively easy for Tania because it happened several times lately, so she had recent memories she recalled.

When Tania sensed into what she felt on an emotional level when she thought of her response to her supervisor, she said she felt angry, resentful and indignant.  She felt these emotions as a tightness in her jaw, throat and shoulders.  She felt her old sense of rebelliousness similar to how she felt when her father gave her "orders."

Her psychotherapist asked Tania to stay with those feelings and, at the same time, to picture her compassionate adult self sitting next to her wanting to help her adolescent self.

At first, Tania imagined her adult self saying to her adolescent self, "Grow up and stopping acting so immature!"

When her psychotherapist asked Tania to sense into how her adolescent self felt when her adult self spoke to her this way, Tania said that it only made her adolescent self feel more angry and alone.  It also made her adolescent self feel like she wanted to rebel even more.

Her psychotherapist explained that this is why it's important for the adult self to be nonjudgmental in its approach to the younger self state.  Then, she asked Tania to try again with more compassion (see my article: Having Compassion For the Child That You Were).

Although this was challenging for Tania, she was able to put aside her judgmental attitude to feel compassion for an adolescent self who felt alone and needed help.

Her therapist asked Tania what her adolescent self needed from her adult self, and Tania said her adolescent self needed love and kindness.  She also needed to feel that she was not alone.

Are You Approaching Your Problems From Your Adult or Child Perspective?

As they continued to do Ego States therapy, Tania discovered ways that she could imagine showing kindness and love to her adolescent self.  Over time, she learned to be more emotionally reassuring to her adolescent self.  She also learned to allow her adult self to gently take over when it was necessary.

At the same time, she didn't berate or try to completely suppress her adolescent self in all situations.  She allowed her adolescent self to dominate in situations where that self state could feel alive when she was having fun.

Gradually, Tania practiced in her psychotherapy sessions going back and forth between these two self states so that she learned to make the switch on her own when she needed to do it.

So, for instance, when she sensed herself beginning to feel rebellious with her supervisor, she knew that her adolescent self was trying to take control of the situation, and she consciously made a choice to reassure her adolescent self that her adult self would take over.  Then, she would consciously make the choice to approach her problem from a mature stance.

Once Tania was no longer unconsciously reacting in a negative way to her supervisor, she and her psychotherapist worked on helping her to overcome the underlying issues related to her history with her father so that Tania wouldn't keep getting triggered at work.

Over time, they used EMDR therapy to work on the earlier issues that were at the root of the problem (see my articles: What is EMDR Therapy?, How EMDR Therapy Works: EMDR and the Brain, and Experiential Therapy, Like EMDR, Helps to Achieve Emotional Breakthroughs).

Being able to approach her problems from a mature perspective also allowed Tania to be proactive about finding another job where she was happier.

Conclusion
We all carry within ourselves the various self states from infancy to adulthood.

When we use a younger self state unconsciously to approach a problem that requires an adult self state, this causes problems for us.

Ego States therapy helps clients to become aware of their various self states.

The goals of Ego States therapy is to help clients to become aware of their self states, when they're switching to a self state that isn't helpful and how to make a conscious choice to use a more effective self state for the particular issue at hand.

Once clients become aware of their self states, how they choose them unconsciously in ineffective ways, and how they can make the switch to a more effective self state, many problems can be resolved.

Getting Help in Therapy
Everyone needs help at some point in his or her life.

Having a good emotional support network of family and friends is important to maintain an emotionally healthy self, but there are times when your problems might be beyond what you or your support network can handle (see my article: How Talking to a Psychotherapist is Different From Talking to a Friend).

Working with a skilled psychotherapist can help you to overcome your problems by working through traumatic experiences and finding new ways of coping (see my articles: The Benefits of Psychotherapy and How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

Rather than suffering on your own, you owe it to yourself to get help from a licensed mental health professional.

Being able to work through challenging problems can help you to lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article:  The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

One of my specialties is helping clients to come from their best possible self to resolve their problems by using Ego States therapy.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

Contemporary Psychotherapy: Redefining the Traditional View of "Resistance" in Therapy

The concept of resistance in psychotherapy originated with Sigmund Freud while he was developing psychoanalysis.  He noticed that some clients refused to talk about certain aspects of their life or, from Freud's perspective, they unconsciously behaved in uncooperative ways that sabotaged the therapy.  Ever since that time, the concept of resistance has taken on a negative connotation and, in my professional opinion, is pathologizing of the client.  

In an earlier article,  Reconceptualizing the So-Called "Help Rejecting Client", I discussed the importance of depathologizing this concept because calling the client "help rejecting" is neither helpful to the client nor to the therapist to understand what's going on in therapy.  Similarly, in this article, I'm advocating for psychotherapists to redefine resistance in therapy and to take a more nuanced look at what's going on.

Contemporary Psychotherapy: Redefining the Traditional View of "Resistance" in Therapy

The Traditional View of Resistance in Psychotherapy
Freud conceptualized resistance to be any unconscious behavior by the client in therapy that was, from his perspective, oppositional and uncooperative.

He indicated that there could be different types of resistance, including transference resistance where the client responds to the psychotherapist as if the therapist is someone from the client's past (typically, parents), self sabotage, ego resistance where the client regresses to an earlier stage of development, repression where the client unconsciously pushes down memories that s/he is avoiding, and other similar forms of so-called resistance.

There might still be psychotherapists, including Classical psychoanalysts, who see the concept of resistance in the same way that Freud did, but many more contemporary psychotherapists have taken a less pathologizing perspective of resistance, and I include myself among those contemporary therapists.

Depathologizing the Concept of Resistance in Contemporary Psychotherapy: Shifting Self States
The traditional way of looking at resistance sees the psychotherapist as being authoritative, someone who knows what's best for the client.  Looking at it from that perspective, when a client is being resistant, the therapist's view is that the client isn't following what the therapist says is best for him or her.

Needless to say, this traditional way of working with clients in therapy is from a time when there was little to no mutuality in psychotherapy between the client and the therapist.  The therapist was seen as the expert and the client needed to follow the therapist's ways of working or, it was believed, the client wouldn't get better.  This way of working tended to shame the client.

During the last 20 or so years, there have been many changes to psychotherapy and, fortunately, this traditional way of seeing the therapist as the authority figure and the client as being in a subordinate position is, for the most part, not practiced any more.

Most contemporary psychotherapists work in a collaborative way.  There is a recognition that psychotherapists don't have all the answers and that the client and therapist need to work together in therapy (see my article: Why It's Important For Your Therapist NOT Have All the Answers).

In my opinion, along with working in a collaborative way, it's also important to recognize that there are two people in the room and there's an intersubjective experience between the client and the therapist (see my article: The Psychotherapy Session: A Unique Intersubjective Experience).

Rather than the psychotherapist being the all-knowing authority figure, I believe it is much more helpful for the therapist to use her clinical skills and expertise to be attuned to what is going on with client in the therapy session and help the client to formulate his or her own understanding (see my article: The Psychotherapist's Empathic Attunement).

This is a much more client-centered way of working in psychotherapy and tends to help the client to feel more comfortable with the therapist and the therapeutic process, as opposed to the former traditional stance in therapy where the psychotherapist was the authority figure and was "always right."

In a prior article, Understanding the Different Aspects of Yourself That Make You Who You Are, I discussed that we all have many different aspects of self (or self states) that make us who we are, and these self states are continuously shifting in all of us (see my article: How Your Shifting Self States Can Affect You For Better or Worse).

Depending on the person, these self states often shift in a barely perceptible way because they are integrated as part of the person's overall makeup of who s/he is.  Or, in some cases, they might be less integrated, which would mean that shifts in self states might be more intense and noticeable.

As I've mentioned in other articles, when I discuss self states that are shifting, I'm not referring to multiple personality disorder or, as it's currently known, dissociative identify disorder.  I'm referring to shifting self states as a natural part of what occurs in everyone.

When we look at the concept of resistance in psychotherapy as part of shifting self states, it's a much more useful way of looking at it.  Rather than seeing the client as being resistant, when we take into account shifting self states, we can see that there are different parts of the client that might feel different ways about a particular part of therapy.

Let's take a look at a fictional clinical vignette that illustrates these concepts:

Contemporary Psychotherapy: Redefining the Traditional View of "Resistance" in Therapy

Ken
Ken began psychotherapy because he felt stuck in his personal life and in his career.

Contemporary Psychotherapy: Redefining the Traditional Concept of "Resistance" in Therapy 

He was unable to sustain a relationship for more than a few months.  After that initial stage of dating, Ken would become fearful of being engulfed in his relationship and he would end it.  Afterwards, he would have regrets, but his fear of engulfment kept him from trying to reconcile his former relationship.  Then, the pattern would begin again with the next person.

At 32, Ken was starting to despair that he could ever be in a long-term relationship.  He was afraid  that his fear of engulfment would continue to sabotage any potential relationship and he would be alone.

With regard to his career, Ken was a middle-level manager, and he usually had problems with his superiors.  Intellectually, he understood that there was a hierarchy at his company, and he understood the reason for the hierarchy.  But on an emotional level, he resented it, and he would sometimes challenge his bosses in subtle and not so subtle ways at staff meetings, which tended to cause problems for him.

Ken was told by the senior vice president at his company that he was viewed as a hard worker and a creative thinker, which was valued at the company, but his "attitude" towards his superiors was getting in the way of his career advancement.

The senior vice president told Ken that, even though Ken was seen as being capable of advancing in terms of his work and creativity, he was also seen as "difficult" and some of the senior managers were hesitant about having Ken as a direct report.  He advised Ken to work on changing his attitude because if he didn't change, he was probably jeopardizing his future with the company.

Deep down, Ken knew that the senior vice president was right.  He knew he could be provocative at times with his boss.  After these incidents, Ken wasn't sure what came over him.  He regretted his behavior and he would apologize to his boss.

Even though his boss was very understanding, Ken knew that he couldn't continue to do this and survive at the company.  He knew he needed to understand himself better and change.

He explained to his current psychotherapist that he had been in therapy in his late teens and early 20s, and he found it to be a discouraging experience.  He would often challenge his psychotherapist's interpretations and it caused friction in their relationship, especially when his therapist called Ken "resistant."

That therapy ended when Ken felt too ashamed to continue, and both Ken and his therapist ended the therapy feeling frustrated.  This experience in psychotherapy kept Ken away from therapy--until now.  He decided to give therapy another chance because he knew he wouldn't be able to change without help.

When Ken's current psychotherapist heard Ken describe his family background, she began to understand what might be contributing to his problems in relationships and in his career.

Ken grew up as the older of two sons.  His father, who was a successful attorney, tended to be cold and authoritative with everyone in the family, including Ken.  Ken said, "My father definitely ruled the roost and everyone had to fall in line with what he wanted, and I resented this."

Ken's mother tended to be overly protective and "smothering" of Ken and his brother.  Even when he was a child, Ken felt overwhelmed and engulfed by his mother's anxious ministrations.

In his teens, even though he loved them, Ken often felt angry with his parents.  He would frequently argue with them and, once, almost came to blows with his father.  By that time he was 18, he was relieved to go away to college to get away from both parents.

Ken's current psychotherapist explained that she worked in a contemporary way that is interactive and collaborative (see my article: Why It's Important For Psychotherapists to Provide Clients With Psychoeducation in Psychotherapy).

His therapist also explained the concept of shifting self states to help Ken understand his ambivalence about relationships and his career.  Specifically, it seemed to her that part of Ken wanted to be in a long-term relationship, but part of him was fearful.  The part of Ken that was fearful would become dominant as the relationship got serious and this part contributed to the demise of the relationship (see my article: Wanting and Dreading a Relationship).

Similarly, his psychotherapist explained, that it seemed that part of him wanted to be more cooperative with his boss at work, but another part resented that the boss was an authority figure, and this part would dominate at times and get Ken into trouble.

Then, rather than assuming that she was right, his therapist asked Ken if what she said resonated with him.

Ken responded by saying that he never thought of himself as being made up of different parts, and this idea intrigued him.  As he thought about it, he could see how the different aspects of himself interacted with others at various times.

His therapist also explained that it seemed as if these parts of him that were creating problems for him were based on his earlier experiences, and these parts were actually trying to protect him from feeling overwhelmed like he felt when he was younger.  But now, these parts were getting in his way (see my article: Understanding Why You're Still Affected By Trauma That Occurred a Long Time Ago and Coping With Trauma: Becoming Aware of Triggers).

Since Ken was open to the idea, his therapist recommended that they do Ego States work, which is an experiential form of therapy, to help him to differentiate the different parts of himself, understand when they get triggered, and address the fears that were contained in these parts.

Rather than talking about the different parts of himself, Ken would experience these parts in Ego States work (see my article: Experiential Therapy Helps to Achieve Psychological Breakthroughs).

At first, Ken agreed that this was a good idea, and he was enthusiastic about it.  But soon after they started doing Ego States work, Ken got anxious and he wanted to stop.

When his therapist attempted to explore with Ken what happened, Ken told her that he didn't know--he just didn't want to do it.

His therapist explained that she respected his choice.  She just wanted to understand and help Ken understand what shifted for him.  She said that if Ken was open to this exploration, it might help him to understand what shifted for him in terms of shifting self states.

The particular memory they were working on was an experience Ken had with his former girlfriend when he felt overwhelmed by her suggestion that they talk about where their relationship was going.  He remembered feeling the same as when he was younger and he felt engulfed by his mother.

It was at the point when Ken wanted to stop doing this experiential work and he said to his therapist, "I know you're going to tell me that I'm being 'resistant' just like my prior therapist used to say to me."

But Ken was surprised that his current therapist told him that she didn't find it especially helpful to tell clients that they're being "resistant."  Instead, she went back to the concept of shifting self states and that a particular self state, whose motive might be protective, might be the cause of this change in him.

Ken was relieved that his therapist wasn't blaming him, and he became less defensive.  This allowed him to think about what shifted for him internally as they were doing Ego States work.  As he calmed down, he realized that he thought of his mother while they were working with the memory and he remembered how he felt so overwhelmed by his mother when she was too much for him.

His therapist said she understood and introduced the idea of internal resources.  As part of developing internal resources, she asked Ken if he could imagine someone who could have been helpful to him when he felt engulfed by his mother (see my article: Using Imagery as a Powerful Tool in Therapy).

Ken thought about it for a few minutes and said he thought his uncle, his mother's brother, would have been helpful.  In fact, when his uncle was around and he saw Ken's mother being intrusive with Ken, he would tell Ken's mother to relax and she would back off.  But, unfortunately, he wasn't always around.

Ken's therapist asked Ken if he would be willing to imagine his uncle being here with him now when he went back into that memory.  Ken agreed, and he was surprised that by using his imagination and sensing his uncle was with him, he felt calmer.  At that point, with the help of this internal resource, they were able to go back to doing the Ego States work.

As they continued to work together doing Ego States work and discussing it afterwards, Ken developed a better understanding of himself.  He also noticed a positive shift in how he interacted with his boss at work, and his boss commented that he noticed it too.

When Ken began dating again, he recognized when a fearful self state was about to get in the way and he was able to calm himself.  He also continued to explore this issue with his psychotherapist.  This allowed Ken to remain in a relationship with a woman that he really liked.

Overall, Ken felt calmer and more emotionally integrated at work and in his romantic relationship.

Conclusion
In my opinion as a psychotherapist, the traditional view of resistance is not helpful to the client, the therapist or to the work in therapy.

It tends to be an all-or-nothing concept that doesn't take into account that people are much more nuanced in their behavior.

As I mentioned before, calling a client "resistant" is pathologizing. This also makes it shaming, which creates a lot more problems for the client in therapy.

Taking a more contemporary view in psychotherapy and seeing what might be called "resistance" as shifting self states helps the therapist and the client to understand ambivalence and to work through that ambivalence with the parts of the client that are getting in the way.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you feel stuck in your life, even though you really want to make changes, you might be struggling with self states that are ambivalent about the change.

Ego States therapy is one way to work in therapy to help to distinguish the different self states involved in the ambivalence, give them "a voice," and work towards overcoming whatever fear might be contained in the particular self state.

When you're able to overcome the obstacles in your way, you can live a more fulfilling and meaningful life free from your earlier problematic history (see my article: The Benefits of Psychotherapy).

Rather than blaming yourself or remaining stuck, you could benefit from working with an experienced contemporary psychotherapist who works in a non-pathologizing way (see my article:  How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who tends to work in an integrative way in therapy (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients, in a nonjudgmental and interactive way, to overcome the obstacles that are keeping them from leading a more fulfilling life.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during regular business hours or email me.

Clients' Fears of Being Abandoned By Their Psychotherapist

In prior articles, I've discussed fear of abandonment in relationships as well as psychotherapy clients' fear of being a disappointment to their therapist (see my articles:  Fear of Being a Disappointment to Your Therapist, Fear of Abandonment: Leaving Your Relationship Because You're Afraid of Being Abandoned, The Connection Between Fear of Abandonment and Codependency Issues, Fear of Abandonment Can Occur Even in a Healthy, Stable Relationship, and How Psychotherapy Can Help You to Overcome Fear of Abandonment).  In this article, I'm focusing specifically on clients who have a general fear of abandonment because of their early traumatic history and the clinical implications of that fear in relation to their fear of being abandoned by their psychotherapist.

Clients' Fear of Being Abandoned By Their Psychotherapist 

There are many ways that clients, who have a fear of being abandoned, could perceive the therapist  as abandoning them.   Clients who have this fear are often hypervigilant for any possible signs that the therapist is not fully present in the therapy hour.

Most psychotherapists, who are trained in psychoanalysis or psychodynamic psychotherapy, have the ability to be emotionally engaged in the therapy session to the client's therapeutic process, including subtle shifts in the client's self states (see my article: Your Shifting Self States Can Affect You For Better or Worse).

Experienced contemporary psychoanalytic and psychodynamically trained psychotherapists are trained to intuitively pick up on what is going on in the intersubjective space between the client and the therapist even during times of silence.

But this doesn't mean that every psychodynamic psychotherapist is perfectly attuned during every moment of the therapy session.  There might be times when the therapist's mind momentarily wonders.  This is often related to the client's process even when it doesn't, at first, appear to be related.

For instance, if a psychotherapist is working with a highly dissociated client who is fairly disconnected from what he is talking about to the therapist, the therapist might find that her mind wonders momentarily as if both client and therapist are caught in the client's "cloud" of dissociation.

For an experienced psychotherapist, who is knowledgeable about dissociation, this momentary joining with the client in the dissociative "cloud" is important clinical information about what's going on with the client as well as what's going on between the client and the therapist.

For example, if, for a moment, the therapist "hears" a song in her mind, she asks herself inwardly whether this song has come into her thoughts unconsciously and how it may or may not be related to the client (see my article: The Psychotherapist's Empathic Attunement to Unconscious Process in the Therapy Session).

Psychotherapists who are comfortable disclosing their thoughts to the client might explore with the client if the client thinks it is related.

So, for instance, the therapist might say, "You know, you were just talking about your relationship and the song, "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt just popped into my head.  I'm wondering if I'm picking up something unconsciously about what's going on with you and your spouse."

More often than not, in this type of situation, even if the client wasn't talking about his feeling that his  wife no longer loves him, he might suddenly realize that the therapist picked up on a dissociated part of him that, until now, he was unaware of.  It's often a disavowed part of himself (or a disavowed self state) that he was unaware of but which was in the intersubjective "air" between the therapist and the client on an unconscious level.

When this happens, this phenomenon allows this disavowed self state to come "online" for the client. It might have been a part of himself that was just below the surface, so to speak, and was being unconsciously communicated to the therapist.

Although the client might not be happy to realize that he's really worried about his wife not loving him any more, he and his therapist now have a deeper understanding of a part of himself that was dissociated, and this part can now be worked with in therapy.

So, this is an example of what seems like a lapse in the psychotherapist's attention, but it's actually the client's unconscious material becoming conscious and furthering the work.

But a client, who is not ready to deal with his fear of not being loved by his spouse--even if he expressed this fear in prior therapy sessions--and who generally fears being abandoned, including by his therapist, will deny that the song that popped into the therapist's head is relevant.

Not only will the client deny it, he will also perceive the therapist's momentary thought about the song as being intrusive and a form of abandonment, "Why are you thinking about songs when you should be paying attention to me?"

The client sees this as "evidence" that the therapist really isn't interested in him because the therapist's mind wandered for a second.

Months later, when the client becomes ready to own his fear about his wife, he might tell the therapist that it was prescient of her to pick up on this dissociated fear a few months back in the form of the song.

But before the client is ready to allow that disavowed part of himself (the part that has this fear about his wife) to fully emerge, he will only see this phenomenon as a disruption to the therapy session and proof that the therapist abandoned him--even if it was just for a second.

What the client is unaware of is that the abandonment which he fears will happen already happened with his primary caregivers and this is now the template through which he sees his relationships, including his relationship with his therapist (see my article: Developmental Trauma: Living in the Present As If It Were the Past and Overcoming Trauma: When the Past is in the Present).

Let's take a look at a fictional clinical vignette which illustrates these dynamics:

Sandy
Sandy started therapy because she wanted to be in a relationship, but whenever she got close to anyone in a romantic relationship, she would become too afraid to remain in the relationship and she would find a way to consciously sabotage it (see my article: An Emotional Dilemma: Wanting and Dreading Love).

In hindsight, Sandy would see how she sabotaged the relationship but, no matter how many times this happened, she was unable to see it while it was happening.

Clients' Fears of Being Abandoned By Their Psychotherapist

This part of her that unconsciously destroyed her relationships was so dissociated that it operated as if it were not a part of her at all.  She would tell her therapist, "It's as if it's 'not me' acting in the relationship--as if I'm in a dream and I only wake up after I've damaged the relationship beyond repair."

Sandy talked to her therapist about her fear that if her friends or a potential boyfriend ever really got to know the "real me," they wouldn't like her and they wouldn't want to be around her (see my article: Overcoming the Fear That People Won't Like You If They Knew the "Real You").

Her therapist was aware that, most likely, if Sandy had this fear with others, she probably had this fear with the therapist as well because this is a common experience with clients who have this fear.

When her therapist attempted to explore whether Sandy had this same fear with her, Sandy denied it.  But her therapist sensed that this fear was out of Sandy's current awareness and Sandy wasn't ready to recognize it.

A few weeks later, when her therapist told Sandy that she would be going on vacation in a couple of months for three weeks, Sandy became highly anxious.  She struggled with her internal conflict of  wanting to suppress this fear and wanting to talk about it.

A week later, when Sandy came for her next session, she told her therapist that she was having nightmares about being a young child who was being accompanied by a woman in a subway station.  Sandy didn't recognize this woman, but in the dream this woman seemed to be a nanny or some sort of caregiver.  Suddenly, in the dream, the woman, who was accompanying her, disappeared and Sandy was lost and confused in the crowded subway station.  She didn't know where to go or what to do and she began to panic.

Each time that she had this dream, Sandy told her therapist, she woke up startled and couldn't go back to sleep.  Her heart was pounding and her thoughts were racing.  Even hours after she woke up, she still felt a sense of dread that was residue from her dream.

Sandy and her therapist explored the meaning of the dream, especially as these dreams began right after her therapist told Sandy that she would be going on vacation in a couple of months for three weeks.

Sandy's first reaction was that she felt ashamed.  On the one hand, she knew, logically, that her therapist deserved to go on vacation, as everyone does.  But, on the other hand, a part of her feared that her therapist wouldn't come back or that if she came back, she would decide that Sandy was "just too much" for her and end the therapy.  Then, Sandy would be left on her own, feeling abandoned and not knowing what to do.

Given Sandy's childhood history of her father disappearing one night (never to return) and her mother's major depression where she was barely able to function, it was understandable that Sandy would have a fear of abandonment because she had been traumatized by each of her parent's abandonment--the physical abandonment by her father and the emotional abandonment by her mother.

This fear of abandonment was what was getting in the way of Sandy having a lasting relationship.  She unconsciously sabotaged the relationship to end it because she wanted a sense of control of the end rather than waiting for her boyfriend at the time to abandon her.

Sandy's fear of being abandoned by her therapist was now out in the open for her and her therapist to work on.  Sandy knew that she didn't completely believe that her therapist would abandon her--it was only a part of her that felt this way, but it was a powerful part (see my article: Reclaiming a Lost Part of Yourself).

As Sandy and her therapist talked more about her fear, she felt the fear somewhat subside.  She was aware that her fear was based on her childhood trauma of real abandonment (not just fear of abandonment).  So, over time, Sandy and her therapist were able to process her early trauma, which was the origin of her fear (see my article: Psychotherapy to Overcome Your Unresolved Childhood Trauma) and, gradually, the fear of being abandoned as an adult began to subside.

Conclusion
People who have a childhood history of emotional or physical abandonment often have a fear that important people in their life, including their psychotherapist, will abandon them.

At first, the fear might not be explicit.  It might be just under the surface and come to light through dreams or other unconscious material.

Before clients realize that they have this fear, the fear can get played out in other ways, like missed appointments, or in some cases by the client aborting therapy altogether rather than, from their point of view, risk being abandoned by the therapist (see my article: When Clients Leave Therapy Prematurely).

Once the fear is out in the open, clients often recognize that there is a part of them that has this fear.  In other words, they're not completely convinced that the therapist will abandon them--it's more like a disavowed part (or self state) contains this fear.

Becoming aware that what they fear has already happened in their childhood and that this has created a relational lens through which their fear is projected onto current relationships is helpful.

Even more helpful is the processing of the original trauma so that the fear of being abandoned doesn't get triggered in current close relationships.

Getting Help in Therapy
Fear of being abandoned is one of the major reasons why clients come to therapy, especially if this fear is being enacted in important adult relationships.

Clients often don't recognize that they have this fear about their therapists until there is an upcoming separation, like the therapist's vacation.

When the fear comes to light in therapy, there is an opportunity to work on this issue because it's alive in the therapy.

Just knowing logically that the fear of abandonment is from a prior trauma, although helpful, isn't enough to overcome this fear.  The client and therapist need to do trauma-informed therapy to process the original trauma so that the fear no longer gets enacted in current relationships.

If you're struggling with fear of abandonment in your close relationships, you could benefit from working with a licensed trauma-informed mental health professional who can help you to overcome this fear (see my articles: The Benefits of Therapy and How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

Once you no longer fear being abandoned, you can live your life with a greater sense of ease and well-being.  You can also live a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I have helped many clients overcome a history of trauma, including a fear of being abandoned.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.












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How Your Shifting Self States Can Affect You

I have discussed self states in prior articles (see my articles: 

Understanding the Different Aspects of Yourself That Make You Who You Are

Parts Work in Therapy: Is a Split Off Part of Yourself Running Your Life?

Learning to Nurture Your Inner Child

Experiencing Your Future Self: The Self You Want to Become.  

In this article, I'm focusing on how your self states shift in various ways and how you can use these shifting self states to feel more confident and resilient.

How Shifting Self States Can Affect You For Better or Worse

What Are Shifting Self States?
As I discussed in a prior article, even though people tend to think of themselves as unitary beings, in fact, everyone has a multiplicity of selves or self states.

Self states are on a continuum.  For the purposes of this article, when I refer to self states, I'm not referring to multiple personality disorder or dissociative identity disorder, which is a diagnosis on the far end of the spectrum of self states.  I'm referring to everyone's common experience of different aspects of themselves.

The reason why people aren't usually conscious of these self states is because a particular self state usually predominates at any given time and the other self states tend to recede.

So, the self states tend to shift in a barely perceptible way, and this is a common phenomenon for everyone.

An Example of a Shifting Self State
Andy was feeling confident in himself as he approached the theatre where he was about to audition.  He had practiced his lines with his acting coach, and he really felt he understood the role and how to approach it.  His acting coach told him that this part was made for Andy, and he encouraged Andy to go to the audition.

How Shifting Self States Can Affect You For Better or Worse

But just before he went on stage to recite the lines from the play, Andy remembered the first time that his mother came to see him in a play and how critical she was afterwards.  She told him that his performance was the worst thing she had ever seen and she advised him against an acting career.

Whereas Andy had been walking with his head up, chest out, and whistling a tune before he got to the theatre, when he remembered what his mother said, his demeanor changed to reflect the shift in his self state:  He looked down at the ground, his posture was slightly hunched and all he could think about was that he wasn't going to pass the audition.

Discussion About the Example of a Shifting Self State
In the fictional example above, Andy was feeling confident in himself initially.  He received positive feedback from his acting coach and he felt and projected his confidence.  At that point, Andy was in a particular self state where he felt sure of himself.

But when he thought about the negative comments that his mother made to him, his self state shifted without Andy realizing it.  He no longer felt confident and this was reflected in his inner sense of self as well as in his body language and outer presentation.  This switch in self states was unconscious--it happened outside of Andy's awareness.

How to Use Shifting Self States to Enhance Your Sense of Self
As a trauma therapist, I assist clients with internal and external resourcing as part of the preparation for doing trauma work.

One way to do internal resourcing, which I often use, is called imaginal interweaves as developed by Laurel Parnell, Ph.D. (see my article: Developing a More Resilient Self in Therapy).

Imaginal interweaves are a tool to help clients to feel confident, lovable and other positive aspects by imagining powerful, nurturing and wise figures.  These figures can be people that clients know or they can be from books, movies, TV programs or other fictional characters.  They can also be superheroes if this feels meaningful to the client.

The kind of imaginal interweaves that clients choose depend upon the negative beliefs that they have about themselves.  For example, if they have a particular self state that predominates that makes them feel they're "unlovable," they will choose imaginal interweaves that will help them to feel the opposite--that they're lovable (see my article: Overcoming the Emotional Pain of Feeling Unlovable).

If I'm using EMDR Therapy, I would use this particular modality's bilateral stimulation (eye movements or tapping) to reinforce these imaginal interweaves so that they are amplified for the client (i.e., the client can feel these interweaves as self states within themselves).

Another therapeutic resourcing tool I use before processing psychological trauma is asking clients to remember times when they felt confident (as in the fictional example above where Andy remembered his experience with his acting coach).

Usually, I recommend that clients bring in at least 10 or so positive memories when they felt good about themselves and I use bilateral stimulation to reinforce these self states.

Then, when we're processing the traumatic experience, if the client needs these internal resources because s/he is having difficulty in the processing, we can call upon these imaginal interweaves or positive memories to help the client to shift self states so we can resume processing.

For the person who isn't in therapy, s/he can also become aware of shifting self states.  Admittedly, this isn't easy because the shifts usually happen so imperceptibly.  It will take some time and effort to recall experiences where it happened in the past (as in the fictional example above) and making an effort to recognize it when it occurs in the present.

How Your Shifting Self States Can Affect You For Better or Worse

In his book, Awakening the Dreamer, Philip Bromberg gives an examples of shifting self states. According to Bromberg, researchers did a study using the game "Trivial Pursuit" where they told one group to imagine themselves as professors, and they told the other group to imagine themselves as "soccer hooligans" (the term used in the book) before they answered questions from "Trivial Pursuit."  The group that imagined themselves as professors did far better than the group that imagined themselves as "soccer hooligans."

The participants who imagined themselves to be professors and took on that self state are similar to my fictional example of Andy who initially was confident when his self state was connected to the memory of the encouragement he received from his acting coach.  This self state was reflected in his confident internal sense of self as well as in his overall demeanor.  Similar to the group who thought of themselves as professors, this was Andy's confident self state in that moment.

As I mentioned earlier, this is only the preparation stage of working through trauma in psychotherapy, but it is a powerful part of the work that can help to overcome obstacles when the trauma is being processed in therapy.

Unfortunately, most people tend to unconsciously concentrate on negative images and memories of themselves which shifts them into a negative self state.  But, with practice, you can also learn to focus on positive images and memories.

Conclusion
Self states are usually unconscious and difficult to perceive in the moment.  They're easier to detect retrospectively.

Shifting self states are even more difficult to detect.  However, once you become aware that everyone has shifting self states, you can begin to focus on become sensitized to the particular self state that you're in and how your self states switch.

When you become aware of the shifting self states and realize that you can use your imagination with positive memories from your life or imaginal figures, you can try to switch your self state.

Getting Help in Therapy
There are people who have experienced serious traumatic events in their lives where it has become too difficult to overcome a predominant negative self state.

When this occurs, this is not about a "weakness" or any other type of deficit.  It just means that the traumatic experiences were so overwhelming that they dominate the individual's life and they need to be processed in therapy.

If you are struggling with unresolved trauma, rather than struggling on your own, you could benefit from working with a trauma-informed psychotherapist who can help you to overcome the trauma (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

Working through unresolved trauma can free you from your traumatic history so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.  

I tend to integrate various forms of therapy depending upon the particular needs of each client (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I have helped many clients to overcome psychological trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.