Confusing Your Curated Social Media Self With Your True Self

What is the Curated Social Media Self?

The curated social media self is the carefully crafted digital persona users present on their social media.

Confusing Your Curated Self With Your True Self

The curated self includes the conscious selection, editing and organization of personal content, such as photographs, achievements and opinions, to showcase a highly favorable version of a usser's life rather than the unfiltered reality.

This phenomenon transforms everyday users into their own personal "brand managers". 

The curated self can take many different forms depending on the intended audience: a professional image, a picturesque lifestyle on Instagram or carefully curated views and opinions on other social media platforms.

The Psychological Impact of Believing in the Curated Social Media Self as Your True Self

Although there are many positive aspects of social media, including bridging geographical gaps, finding jobs, learning online, my focus is on the psychological impact of believing in your social media self as your true self and how it alters your psychology, relationships and self worth:

Psychological Fragmentation

• Loss of Your True Self: You can lose touch with your authentic emotions, personal challenges and baseline personality (see my article: Living Authentically).

Confusing Your Curated Self With Your True Self

• Identity Foreclosure: You stop growing because you feel you must conform to a fixed online brand.

• Hypervigilance: You constantly monitor your behavior to make sure it matches your online image.

• Depersonalization: You begin viewing your life as only content to be documented online.

Emotional Consequences

• Fragile Self Esteem: Your mood can fluctuate based on audience engagement and shifting algorithms.

• Chronic Anxiety: You can live in a state of chronic anxiety due to fear of public rejection, mistakes or fear of being "cancelled".

Confusing Your Curated Self With Your True Self

• Loneliness: You can feel unloved because people praise the "character" or persona they see online and not the real you (see my article: Coping With Loneliness).

• Loss of Joy For Real Life: Real life experiences can lose joy unless they generate online validation or metric boosts.

Social and Behavioral Issues

• Superficial Relationships: You might treat friends like props or networking nodes rather than forming genuine human connections.

Confusing Your Curated Self with Your True Self

• Performative Lifestyle: You make major life choices based on aesthetic appeal rather than personal utility.  You can reduce real life experiences into experiences that are lived for the camera only.

• Impaired Empathy: You might view social issues and personal tragedy through the lens of personal branding.

• Social Media Burnout: Social media burnout is a state of chronic mental, emotional and physical exhaustion triggered by prolonged and compulsive engagement with digital networks, especially if you constantly compare yourself to others on social media and assume that their curated selves are authentic (see my article: How to Stop Comparing Yourself Unfavorably to Others).

What is a Digital Detox?

If you can identify with some or all of the problems mentioned above, you might be ready for a digital detox.

A digital detox is a time when a person voluntarily refrains from using digital devices like smartphones, computers, tablets and social media platforms.  

The goal is not to abandon technology forever, but to reduce stress, curb constant digital distractions and focus on real-world social interactions. 

What Are the Signs That You Might Benefit From a Digital Detox?

Consider stepping back from your screens if you notice any of the following indicators:

• Reaching for your phone as soon as you wake up

• Losing track of time while mindlessly scrolling

Confusing Your Curated Self With Your True Self

• Experiencing FOMO (fear of missing out) when you are away from your device

• Mood changes like feeling anxious, irritable, angry, sad or depressed while browsing social media

• Disrupted Sleep caused by late night notifications or screen glare

• Spending time comparing yourself to others on social media

• Recognizing you have superficial relationships because you haven't made an effort to develop meaningful relationships

• Feeling lonely because your relationships are primarily online or any of the other psychological, emotional, social or behavioral issues mentioned above

How Can Psychotherapy Help

Psychotherapy, especially Experiential Therapy, can help by bridging the gap between your online persona and their authentic true self offline (see my article: Why is Experiential Therapy More Effective Than Traditional Talk Therapy?).

Getting Help in Therapy

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to:

• Deconstruct the digital mask
• Help build grounded reality
• Heal the psychic split so you can experience your true self

I will write more about this in my next article:

How Can Psychotherapy Help With Confusion Between Your Social Media and Your True Self?

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego States Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapy.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

How to Set Boundaries With Friends If They're Texting You Too Much

There are some people who enjoy texting back and forth with their friends all day long and it's mutually satisfying for all the texters involved.

Setting Boundaries With Friends About Texting

But if you're not one of those people who enjoys constant texting and you have a friend who likes to send you lots of texts, rather than letting resentment and emotional distance grow, you can tactfully set a limit with your friend (see my article: Do You Feel Entitled to Set Boundaries With the People in Your Life?).

In a world where people can reach others in a flash by texting, a lot of people find it gratifying to express their thoughts and feelings in texts and enjoy the dopamine hit when their friends text back.

People who have problems understanding boundaries can text all day long without considering whether the person they're texting has the time and emotional bandwidth to deal with a barrage of texts (see my article: Do You Feel Overwhelmed By Your Friend's Problems?).

If you haven't set a limit, you can give your friend the benefit of the doubt that they might not know you don't like a lot of texts and that you don't have the time or emotional bandwidth for it. Therefore, it's up to you to communicate this to them so you take care of your time and mental health.

Why Do Excessive Texts Create Stress and Anxiety?

Here are some of the most common reasons:

• Pressure to Respond (Expectation of Availability): You might feel pressure to respond immediately. This often leads to stress and anxiety when you can't or you don't want to respond immediately.

• Digital Burnout and Overstimulation: Constant notifications can break concentration. The ongoing distraction can lead to mental fatigue.

• Lack of Personal Space: Excessive non-urgent texts throughout the day can feel like an intrusion on your privacy and downtime.

• Anxiety Trigger: A high volume of text messages can induce anxiety and a feeling of being overwhelmed.

• Disruption to Workflow and Personal Tasks: Constant interruptions can make it difficult to focus on work or personal tasks.

How to Set Boundaries With a Friend Who Texts Too Much

Here are some suggestions that might be helpful:

• Shift the Focus from Their Behavior to Your Own Needs and Boundaries: First, recognize that you have the right to your feelings as well as the right to set boundaries. If you can't set boundaries with others, you're going to feel frustrated and you'll probably have ongoing interpersonal problems due to the lack of boundaries. Assuming you want to maintain this friendship, you can say, "Having to check texts many times per day makes me feel anxious. I'm trying to check these notifications less."

• Express Appreciation For Their Friendship: Assuming you want to maintain this friendship, express your appreciation for your friend and the things you like about them so that you're not just focusing on something that bothers you about their behavior. 

Setting Boundaries With Friends About Texting

• Shift Time Spent With Your Friend From Texts to In-Person Visits: Suggest to your friend that you would like to know what's going on in their life, but you would prefer to do it in person. Then, suggest a time when you're free to meet in person. 

• Let Them Know When You're Available: Let your friend know when you're reachable and manage their expectations about when you're free to respond to texts. You can say something like, "I don't have time to check texts throughout the day, so I only check them after work" or "I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to check personal texts." Then, as previously mentioned, you can suggest meeting when you're both free.

Setting Boundaries With Friends About Texting

• Let them Know You're "Unplugging" to Manage Your Stress: Let your friend know that, as part of a new lifestyle change, you're taking time to "unplug" from your phone and computer. You can tell them that, as part of your digital detox, you're cutting back on the time you spend reading email and texts. You can also tell them that if they don't hear from you for a few days, this is the reason.  

• Evaluate the Friendship: If your friend doesn't understand that you don't have the time and emotional bandwidth for a lot of texts in a day, you can evaluate whether the aspects you like about this friend outweigh this problem. If you have communicated your boundaries and they don't respect them, there might be other areas where you'll find they will cross your boundaries. At some point, you'll need to decide whether you want this friend in your life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Parts Work (IFS and Ego State Therapy), Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have over 25 years of experiencing helping individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.