Posts
I've written many prior articles about relationships. I've included a list of a few of them at the bottom of this post. You can also go to my website to find more under the headings of "Relationships" and "EFT Couples Therapy."
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| Transactional Relationships |
In the current article I'm focusing on transactional relationships (see my article: Are You in a Transactional Relationship?).
What Are Transactional Relationships?
Transactional relationships are relationships where each person does things for the other in anticipation of getting something back in return.
Transactional relationships are usually conditional in the sense that one or both people have expectations of what they want to get in return based on what they are willing to give. Usually if one or both people aren't getting what they want, the relationship ends.
Transactional relationships are based on reciprocity: An expected give-and-take between partners in the relationship.
In transactional relationships, individuals prioritize what they can get from their partner, including financial support, social status, sex or other personal needs, over genuine emotional connection. In that sense, these relationships are often superficial and lacking in emotional depth.
What Are Examples of Transactional Relationships?
The following are some examples of highly transactional relationships:
- Marriages of Convenience: These relationships focus on things like a visa, social status, and financial gain rather than love and genuine emotional connection.
- Transactional Dating: These are dating relationships where one or both people have an expectation of what they will get in the relationship. An example of this would be that a heterosexual man buys a woman dinner and expects sex in exchange or vice versa. There is little to no emotional connection or commitment.
- Friends With Benefits: Most of these relationships focus on the convenience of sex between the partners with little or no expectation of commitment or emotional intimacy (see my article: What Are the Pros and Cons of Friends With Benefits?).
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| Transactional Relationships: Friends With Benefits |
- Career-Oriented Relationships: These relationships focus primarily on how their partner(s) can help them advance their career rather than focusing on emotional connection.
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| Transactional Relationships: Sugar Relationships |
- Sugar Relationships (also known as Sugar Dating): These relationships usually involve one person being financially successful and supporting another financially or providing other concrete benefits to another person, who is often younger and more attractive, in exchange for sex or companionship. These are often short-term relationships with little to no expectation of commitment or emotional connection.
What Are the Characteristics of Transactional Relationships?
The following are some of the common characteristics of transactional relationships:
- Expectations: Both partners usually understand the expectations involved. For instance, if one person is paying for dinner with the expectation of sex, the other person is usually aware of this and either goes along with it because this is what they want (or need) or they don't necessarily like it, but they go along with it for their own personal reasons--even when they might feel ambivalent about it (see my article: What is the "Good Enough" Relationship? No, It Doesn't Mean Settling).
- Goal Oriented: There is a goal-oriented mindset in these types of relationships. This can involve financial goals, companionship, sex and so on. There is often little to no emotional spontaneity in transactional relationships. This can leave one or both people feeling lonely in the relationship due to the lack of emotional connection (see my article: Feeling Lonely in a Relationship).
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| Transactional Relationships: Goal-Oriented Relationships |
- Limited or No Emotional Depth: Emotional connection isn't usually the focus of transactional romantic relationships--although this doesn't mean there isn't any emotional connection. It just means it's not the primary focus because of the goal-oriented nature of the relationship (see my article: Vulnerability as a Pathway to Greater Emotional and Sexual Intimacy).
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| Transactional Relationships: Limited Commitment and Emotional Depth |
- Difference in Power Dynamics: There is often a difference in power in these relationships where one person has more power including money, social status or other resources. However, it can be difficult to distinguish who has the power at any given time in certain relationships. For instance, in sugar relationships, even though the younger and more attractive person, who is providing sex or companionship, might appear to have less power, they might actually have more power in certain relationships. They are often the ones who dictate the terms based on their desirability. This is generally true in most transactional relationships. It's not always easy to say who really has the power at any given time especially in transactional relationships and power dynamics might change (see my article: Are You Giving Away Your Power to Someone Who Doesn't Treat You Well?).
How Can Couples Therapy Help?
If you and your partner are on the same wavelength in a transactional relationship, you might be satisfied, at least for now, with your relationship.
But if you're not happy with the relationship dynamics and you are either trying to understand the complex dynamic or you want to change the dynamics, you could benefit from seeking help in couples therapy (see my article: What is Emotionally Focused Therapy For Couples (EFT)?).
A skilled couples therapist can help you both to understand the dynamics in your relationship and, if both partners agree, try to make changes so you're both happier.
If there's no possibility of change, an experienced couples therapist can help you to end the relationship with integrity and compassion.
Getting Help in Couples Therapy
If you have been struggling in your relationship, you could benefit from seeking help from a licensed mental health professional who has the expertise to help you with your problem (see my article: What Happens in Couples Therapy?)
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| Getting Help in Couples Therapy |
Rather than struggling on your own, seek help so you can live a more fulfilling life.
About Me
I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.
I have over 20 years of experience helping individual adults and couples.
To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.
To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.
Also See My Articles About Relationships
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