How to Become a Better Partner in Your Relationship

If you're in a long term relationship, it's easy to forget what you need to do to be a good partner.  Even though it might not be your intention, you could stop doing the necessary things to sustain your relationship. 

How to Become a Better Partner in a Relationship

If you're not currently in a relationship but you would like to be in one, developing your relationship skills will help you to find a compatible partner.

Tips on How to Be a Better Partner in a Relationship

• Be Honest: Honesty is a trait that most people mention when asked what they value in a partner.  This means when you meet someone who is a potential partner that you're honest and upfront about what you're looking for so no one feels they are wasting their time. If you're looking to date casually, say so.  If you want to be in a relationship, say that.  Too many people hesitate to say what they really want in the beginning and this causes problems later on.  Honesty can come with tact and empathy for the other person, but it's better to be upfront about your needs.  Once you're in a relationship, take time every so often to talk about how things are going.  By communicating in this way, you get to address small problems before they become big ones (see my article: Be Honest With Your Partner).

• Be Trustworthy and Keep Your Promises: Along with being honest, being trustworthy and keeping your promises is another trait that many people mention when they talk about traits in a partner they want. Have integrity (see my article: Keep Your Promises).

• Be a Good Listener: Many people who are in a relationship are so eager for their chance to be able to say what they want that they don't listen to their partner. If you're unclear about anything your partner is saying, ask for clarification.  

• Practice Responding Instead of Reacting: Relationships take work and can be stressful at times.  Taking a moment or two to respond can keep a disagreement from becoming a big argument (see my article: Responding Instead of Reacting).

How to Become a Better Partner in a Relationship

• Practice Self Validation: Being attuned to your own needs is important when you're in a relationship, especially if you have a tendency to put other people's needs ahead of your own.  Although you're in a relationship, you also need to validate yourself as an individual (see my article: What is Self Validation?).

• Grow as an Individual: Many people lose their sense of individuality once they have entered into a relationship.  Rather than becoming fused with your partner, maintain your friendships, interests and explore areas where you want to grow (see my articles: Losing Yourself in a Relationship, Resist the Urge to Merge and Growing as an Individual While You're in a Relationship).

• Practice Validating Your Partner: Emotional validation is seeing, understanding, respecting and accepting your partner's emotional experience--even if you don't agee with the content of what they are saying (see my articles: What is Emotional Validation and Why Is It Such a Powerful Relationship Skill? and How to Use Emotional Validation Skills With Your Partner).

• Spend Quality Time Together: Although it can be difficult to find the time, you and your partner need to spend quality time together--just the two of you (see my articles: Creating Special Times Together in a Relationship and Spending Time Together vs Time Apart).

• Develop an Understanding of Your Attachment Style and How It Affects Your Relationship: (see my articles:  What is Your Attachment Style? and How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationship).

• Express Gratitude to Your Partner: (see my article: The Importance of Expressing Gratitude to Your Partner).

How to Become a Better Partner in a Relationship

• Set Relationship Goals (see my article: 10 Relationship Goals to Create a Stronger Relationship).

• Talk to Your Partner About Sex: Many people don't feel comfortable or don't know how to talk about sex with their partner.  Sex in a relationship can change over time both physically and emotionally, so it's important to know how to talk about sex (see my articles: How to Talk to Your Partner About Sex, Sexual Compatibility Can Develop and Evolve Over Time and What is Good Sex?).

• Talk to Your Partner About Money Before You Live Together: Aside from sex, money is another topic that many couples don't feel comfortable talking about. But this is such an important topic that it shouldn't be neglected (see my articles: Talk About Money Before You Get Married or Live Together and Financial Infidelity is a Major Issue in Many Relationships).

Conclusion

Whether you're in a long term relationship, just starting a relationship or you want to be in a relationship at some point, developing the necessary skills to be a good partner is important to developing and sustaining your relationship.

Just like you develop any other skill, you can learn to be a better partner.

Getting Help in Therapy

Many people didn't grow up in a family where they saw good relationship skills modeled for them.

Whether you attend individual therapy to work on your own issues or couples therapy to deal with relationship issues, you can learn to overcome the obstacles that are keeping you stuck.

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to develop as an individual and as a partner so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I am a sex positive therapist who works with adult individuals and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.