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Sunday, September 2, 2012

Creating Special Times Together to Enhance Your Relationship


In my last blog post, I wrote about the importance of "unplugging" from electronic gadgets so that you and your spouse or significant other can spend quality time together without interruptions: Relationships: The Importance of Unplugging to Spend Quality Time Together. But once you have the time without distractions, how will you spend that time so it enhances your relationship?  This is a question that many people ask, especially couples who have been in long-term relationships.

Creating Special Times Together to Enhance Your Relationship

When I work with couples in my psychotherapy practice in NYC, I usually recommend that they make sure to spend some meaningful time together each week and make it special in some way.  When you're in a new relationship and in love, this isn't a problem because every moment seems special.  It's new, exciting, passionate and fun.  But if you've been together for a long time, you need to make more of an effort to have special times together to keep the relationship alive and interesting.

Do You Remember Having Fun in Your Relationship?  
Many couples who come to see me tell me that they used to have fun together in the early years of their relationship but not any more.  There are lots of reasons for this, but one of the main reasons is that, after being together for a long time, people often take each other for granted.

When you're dating, you've got to make an effort to call, make a date, plan an activity, and get dressed.  You have the build up of anticipation before you meet. And then there's the emotional charge you feel when you get together.  But if you've been living together for 25 years, you usually don't have this build up to make things fun and exciting between you.  You've got to create special times.

Creating Special Times Together:
I knew a couple who were together, at that point, for over 25 years.  They had a big family and lots of friends who would often stop by.  But every Sunday morning they had their special time together without any distractions--no phone calls, no family or friends, no visitors.  It was strictly their time to do whatever they wanted to do.

Creating Special Times Together to Enhance Your Relationship

They might spend time in bed snuggling together, making love, reading to each other or listening to their favorite music.  Then, later in the morning, they would have their Sunday brunch at home complete with their favorite sparkling wine.  Nothing intruded on this special time they had each week.

Other couples have a date night each week where they go to one of their favorite restaurants.  Whatever  you and your spouse choose to do is up to the two of you.  It should be something that you both enjoy and that brings you closer together.

Creating Special Times Together to Enhance Your Relationship

Sometimes, you might need to experiment and be open to new ideas.  One couple I know got very creative with role playing.  For instance, they got into the roles of two people meeting each other for the first time in a bar.  It might not be your "thing" to do, but it worked for them and spiced up their sex life after a period of several years of not having sex at all.

The point is to have at least some time every week when the two of you enjoy each other's company.

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (212) 726-1006 or email me: josephineolivia@aol.com.









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