Why It's Important For Psychotherapists NOT to Have "All the Answers" in Therapy

There was a time in the history of psychotherapy when traditional psychotherapists believed they had  "the answers" for their clients (see my article: A Therapist's Beliefs About Psychotherapy Affect How the Therapist Works With You).

Why It's Important For Psychotherapists Not to Have "All the Answers" in Therapy

Back then, it was assumed a client would come in, free associate to whatever was on his or her mind, and when the time was right, the therapist would make an interpretation as to what was going on for the client.

If the client didn't accept the therapist's interpretation, the client would usually be thought of as being "resistant" (see my article: Understanding the Different Aspects of Yourself That Make You Who You Are).

Fortunately, times have changed and most contemporary therapists work in a more collaborative way with clients.  And yet, there are still many clients who come to therapy who expect the therapist to have "all the answers" to their problems.

Not only is it a distortion of what goes on in therapy to think that a therapist is all-knowing, it's also counterproductive.

And, it's likely that any therapist who presents him or herself as knowing all the answers won't be listening to the client or helping the client to develop his or her own ability to develop insight and inner knowledge.

Self exploration and personal discovery is part of the psychotherapeutic process.  And while it's understandable that some clients want "the answer" to their problems from the therapist, it's not realistic or helpful.

Although psychotherapists, who have advanced training in psychoanalytic or psychodynamic therapy, are trained to do in-depth therapy, they are neither mind readers nor fortunate tellers, so they don't have "all the answers" to your problems.

Why It's Important For Psychotherapists Not to Have "All the Answers" in Therapy

Knowledgeable, skilled therapists can facilitate clients' self exploration and help them to develop the psychological skills to overcome problems and lead a healthier life.

If they're trained as trauma therapists, which not all therapists are, they can also help clients to overcome psychological trauma.

But psychotherapists also need to get to know clients over time, and it would be presumptuous and foolhardy for any therapist to assume that she knows from the start what would be best for the client.

If the therapist assumes that she already knows the answers to the client's problems before there is any psychological exploration, this usually means that the therapist isn't taking the time to listen empathically and to get to know the client.

In my professional opinion, as a psychodynamically trained therapist who has gone on to do advanced trauma training, psychotherapy is an intersubjective experience (see my article:The Therapy Session: A Unique Intersubjective Experience).

It takes time for the client and therapist to develop a therapeutic rapport and this doesn't always happen.  Not every therapist is for every client, and most therapists recognize that it's not always a "good fit" with every client.

Most therapists know that each client is unique and, even when it appears that a particular client might have a similar problem to other clients, there's never a one-size-fits-all approach that will work for every client.

Why It's Important For Psychotherapists Not to Have "All the Answers" in Therapy

A skilled therapist also knows that part of creating a therapeutic rapport is creating a "holding environment," as initially explained by British psychoanalyst, Donald Winnicott, where the client feels safe (see my article: The Creation of the Holding Environment in Therapy).

A skilled therapist also knows that she must listen empathically to what the client is saying on both a  conscious and unconscious level in order to begin to understand what's happening with the client (see my articles: Psychotherapy: Therapists Should Listen and Learn From Their Clients and The Therapist's Empathic Attunement to the Client)

By listening empathically, the therapist is actually learning from the client about the client rather than the other way around where the therapist makes premature interpretations as to what's going on.

It's also the therapist's job to help the client to develop the skills to tolerate the ambiguity of what's going on in therapy, especially during the initial stage of therapy when it might not be so clear.

In other words, some clients come in with a specific problem and while the resolution might not be clear, the problem is clearer than when clients come in a state of general malaise and they're not sure what's going on (see my article:  When You Just Don't Feel Right, It's Hard to Put Your Feelings Into Words).

For the client, developing skills to tolerate ambiguity might include self soothing techniques or other forms of coping skills (see my article:  Developing Coping Skills in Therapy).

There are no quick fixes in psychotherapy, even with some of the more advanced forms of trauma therapy, which tend to be shorter than some forms of talk therapy when there is psychological trauma (see my article: Beyond the "Band Aid" Approach to Overcoming Psychological Problems).

If you're new to psychotherapy, it helps to have realistic expectations of your therapist and of the psychotherapy process.

Generally speaking, the more complex the problem, the longer it takes to work it through in therapy, although therapy shouldn't be an interminable process where you feel you're not making any progress.

Rather than giving you the answers, a skilled therapist helps you to get to know yourself, grow psychologically, and learn how to work through your problems.

Why It's Important For Psychotherapists Not to Have "All the Answers" in Therapy

I recommend that you take your time when you're choosing a psychotherapist (see my article:How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

As part of the process of finding a therapist, you might want to see several therapists to determine which one you feel the most comfortable with before you delve into therapy.

And, as I mentioned before, even highly respected, reputable therapists are not always a "good fit" for everyone, so trust your intuition when making a choice.

Getting Help in Therapy
Many people avoid seeking help in therapy because they believe in common myths and distortions about therapy (see my articles: Common Myths About Psychotherapy: Going to Therapy Means You're "Weak" and Common Myths About Psychotherapy: Therapy Takes a Very Long Time).

It's takes time to develop a sense of trust and safety in therapy, especially if you've had early childhood experiences where you were abused or neglected.

Getting Help in Therapy

Psychotherapy can be a  transformative and dynamic process if you approach it with a sense of openness and curiosity about yourself, choose a therapist who is right for you, and approach therapy with realistic expectations (see my articles: Psychotherapy and Beginners Mind, Starting Therapy With a Sense of Curiosity and Openness and Experiential Therapy Can Be a Transformative Experience That Helps to Achieve Emotional Breakthroughs).

About Me:
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, see my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

The Psychotherapy Session: A Unique Intersubjective Experience

Over time, people who are in therapy come to appreciate the uniquely private space of the therapy room.

The Therapy Session: A Unique Intersubjective Experience

Considering how busy most people are these days, other than their therapy sessions, many people don't take the time to reflect on what's going on in their lives and to get objective feedback.

For many people, the psychological insights that they have about themselves occurs in their therapy sessions.

The Privacy of the Therapy Session
In recent times, privacy has been eroded to such an extent that there are few (if any) other places where someone can come in and say whatever is on his or her mind in an accepting, objective, nonjudgmental private place.

Making Connections Between the Present and the Past in Therapy 
It's also a unique environment where an experienced therapist is trained to help clients to make possible connections between what is going on now and the past, and to begin to understand the many different aspects of themselves.

Most people don't feel immediately comfortable divulging a lot of private information about themselves at first.  It takes time to build a relationship with a therapist and to establish a rapport.

The Therapeutic "Holding Environment"
The attuned therapist creates a comfortable, secure environment for the client where the client feels heard and cared about (see my article:  The Attuned Therapist Creates a Therapeutic Holding Environment).

During the initial therapy sessions, it's important for the client and the therapist to each assess if they are a good "match" to continue to work together.  There aren't any specific steps for the client to determine this.  Mostly, I recommend that clients trust their intuition.

The Therapy Session: A Unique Intersubjective Experience

For the therapist, it's important that she work within the scope of her knowledge and skills.  So, if a client is looking for a therapist with a particular specialty, it's important for the therapist to reveal whether or not this is one of her specialties.

When it's a good match, over time, clients develop a comfort level where they feel they can talk about anything with their therapist.

Of course, there will be times when clients will feel ashamed to talk about certain topics, but it's important to remember that most experienced therapist have heard just about everything and, most likely, won't be shocked by what clients say.

Having a compassionate, skilled therapist and the time and place to talk about whatever is on a person's mind is a very freeing experience that is rare.

Many people, who are in therapy, look forward to attending their therapy sessions because it's such a unique experience where they have their therapists undivided attention and the time is dedicated to them.

Unconscious Communication:  The Intersubjective Space Between Therapist and Client
Clients and therapists often talk about getting into a particular intersubjective space that is unique to their particular therapeutic relationship (see my article:  The Psychotherapist's Empathic Attunement).

Within this intersubjective space, there is a form of unconscious communication between client and therapist that is particular to that client-therapist dyad.

As a result, there is more being communicated than the words that are being spoken.

There is also a latent communication that therapists, who are trained to work with unconscious communication, experience on a felt sense level.

Many clients will often talk about how they also sense this unconscious communication that is part of the intersubjective space between client and therapist.

Although there is always unconscious communication between people who are together, the unconscious communication between therapist and client is more focused than it would be between two other people and it usually develops over time.

When there is a good match between a therapist and client, it's not unusual for a therapist to intuitively sense what a client is about to say or for a client to sense what a therapist is about to say.

This is because this unconscious communication is "in the air" between them.

Choosing a Therapist
Thinking of the first session as a consultation is a good way to approach that first session.

Not only are you talking about your problems in a broad way, you're also getting a sense for whether you feel comfortable with the therapist.

You might not be able to tell in the first session, but after the a few sessions, you usually get a sense as to whether it's a good match.

For more information about how to choose a therapist, see my article:  How to Choose a Psychotherapist.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, see my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Psychotherapy Blog: Psychotherapy and the Mindful Self: What is Mindfulness?

The use of mindfulness as part of psychotherapy has become increasingly popular over the last several years.  The popularity of mindfulness can be attributed, in large part, to the development of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) as well as mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR).

Psychotherapy and the Mindful Self:  What is Mindfulness?

But for many people who are new to therapy or to mindfulness concepts, mindfulness still remains somewhat of a mystery.  So before I discuss the benefits of mindfulness, I thought it would be best to first define it as well as look at its origins.

What is Mindfulness?
The word "mindfulness" comes from the Pali word "sati," which means having awareness, attention and remembering.

Being in a mindful state involves getting quiet and having an awareness of the present moment.

When clients practice mindfulness, they have an awareness of their own internal and reflective states without attachment or judgment.

Psychotherapy and the Mindful Self:  What is Mindfulness?

According to the Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, mindfulness enables a sense of connection with others.

He uses the term "interbeing," which is a Buddhist concept which says that by living in the present moment, one can experience the interconnection of all beings.

The Buddhist concept of "interbeing" is similar to the psychological concept of intersubjectivity.

In psychology, intersubjectivity refers to a relational form of therapy where the emphasis is on the intersubjective dynamic between the client and the therapist.

How is Mindfulness Similar to Psychotherapy?

Psychotherapy and mindfulness can both:

• help clients to develop the ability to understand their own as well as others'  behavior
• emphasize the fluid and temporary nature of internal states
• enhance emotional regulation and mental flexibility
• allow clients to be aware in the present moment
• emphasize the intersubjective dynamic between self and others

Mindfulness as a Resource in Psychotherapy
Since mindfulness can help clients to regulate their emotions, I often help clients to develop mindfulness as a resource in our sessions as well as in their everyday lives.

Mindfulness is especially helpful when clients are processing painful traumatic experiences in therapy.  It allows them to have a dual awareness of processing painful memories as well the present moment of being in therapy room with the therapist.

Mindfulness as a Resource in Psychotherapy

Rather than getting overwhelmed by difficult, powerful emotions, using mindfulness in therapy can help clients to experience these emotions at the same time that they develop an observing self.  This helps clients to manage their emotions.

In a future article, I'll discuss the benefits of using mindfulness in psychotherapy.

Getting Help in Therapy
Everyone needs help at some point in his or her own life.

If you're struggling with painful emotions that you've been unable to overcome on your own, you could benefit from attending therapy with a licensed mental health professional.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.