5 Reasons Why Hope is Essential to Your Well-Being

Life can be so challenging at times that you might find yourself balancing feelings of hope and dread (see my article: Focusing on Your Personal Strengths to Get Through Stressful Times).

Hope is Essential to Your Well-Being

While it's important not to be overtaken by dread, it's also important not to live on false hope, which will be discussed later on in this article.

This article will also discuss the role of unresolved trauma and how it can get in the way of having a sense of hope for the future.

5 Reasons Why Hope is Important to Your Sense of Well Being

There are many reasons why hope is important to your sense of well-being, including that it can provide: 

• 1. An Openness to New Possibilities: When you feel hopeful, you're more likely to be open to new and better possibilities for the future.  Even if there's just a glimmer of hope, it can be enough for you to envision a better future for yourself (see my article: Being Open to New Possibilities).

• 2. A Sense of Motivation: Hope can motivate you to take action because when you feel hopeful enough--even if you also feel some dread--you're more likely to take positive steps towards the goals or challenges you're facing (see my article: Developing Internal Motivation).

Hope is Essential to Your Well-Being

• 3. A Willingness to Persevere: Goals often require perseverance and perseverance is easier to sustain if you feel hopeful that your goals are achievable. This is especially true for long term goals where you might not always see progress immediately. Hope can sustain you through rough times when you might be tempted to give up (see my article: Achieving Your Goals With Perseverance).

• 4. A Willingness to Overcome Setbacks: With many long term goals, there are often setbacks because progress isn't linear. This is true of many long terms projects. It's also true for psychotherapy.  When you feel hopeful, you're more likely to take temporary setbacks in stride rather than letting setbacks deter you from your goals (see my article: Setbacks Are a Normal Part of Therapy on the Road to Healing).

• 5. An Improvement to Health and Well-Being: A sense of hope can improve your physical and mental well-being. When hope reduces stress, it can improve your immune system. Hope can also reduce anxiety and sadness.  In addition, it can increase your confidence.  Feeling hopeful and wanting to remain in a state of hopefulness can encourage you to surround yourself with like-minded people.

Avoiding False Hope and Unrealistic Expectations

Being hopeful doesn't mean that you latch onto false hope or unrealistic expectations.

It also doesn't mean "never giving up on your dreams" if your dreams aren't achievable or they're based on toxic positivity.

For example, if you have a dream of being an Olympic swimmer, but you never learn to swim, your dream is rooted in false hope and unrealistic expectations.  Or, if you want to become a concert pianist, but you hardly ever practice the piano, you're not going to fulfill your dream.

The examples given above are easy to see, but it's not always clear when you're indulging in false hope. 

For example, if you're in a relationship that has long-standing problems, you might not have a sense of whether your relationship can be salvaged or if it's beyond repair.  

In that case, a couples therapist, who is a relationship expert, can help you both to assess how you feel about the relationship and whether you each feel it's still viable.

Seeking Help in Therapy

If you have unresolved trauma, you might find it challenging to feel hopeful even under the best of circumstances because your prior traumatic experiences can cloud your perspective (see my article: Overcoming Trauma: Separating Then From Now).

Seek Help in Therapy

If you feel you're constantly "waiting for the other shoe to drop" even when there's nothing in your current circumstances to warrant your concern, you could benefit from seeking help from a trauma therapist.

A skilled trauma therapist can help you to free yourself from your traumatic history so you can live a more hopeful and meaningful life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many individual adults and couples to overcome their traumatic history (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Emotional Vulnerability as a Pathway to Greater Emotional and Sexual Intimacy in a Relationship

Being in an emotionally intimate and loving relationship is a desire that most people have. But achieving emotional intimacy in a relationship can be scary for many people because it involves being emotionally vulnerable (see my article: The Emotional Vulnerability of Being in a Relationship).

Emotional Vulnerability as a Pathway to Intimacy

The wish to remain "safe" and avoid danger, rather than being vulnerable, is something that many people struggle with, especially if their emotional needs weren't met as children.

These people often experienced criticism, emotional neglect and shame when they sought love as children, so it's understandable that they fear getting close to someone in a relationship--even though closeness is what they really desire (see my article: An Emotional Dilemma: Wanting and Dreading Love).

When children are emotionally neglected, they hide the more emotionally vulnerable parts of themselves in order to protect themselves.  This was an adaptive thing to do as a child because to continue to allow themselves to yearn for what they weren't getting as children would only bring more emotional pain.

Allowing Yourself to Be Emotionally Vulnerable in a Romantic Relationship

If you were emotionally neglected as a child or if you had bad experiences in prior relationships, you don't suddenly become comfortable with emotional vulnerability (see my article: What is Childhood Emotional Neglect?).

That self protective part of you that took care of you as a child or in a prior emotionally abusive relationship continues to operate in the same way--until you take steps to make room for emotional vulnerability.

Sometimes the pain of being alone and lonely is greater than the fear of being emotionally vulnerable, and this creates the impetus for opening up to a romantic partner (see my article: Overcoming Loneliness and Social Isolation).

But allowing yourself to be emotionally vulnerable can still be daunting.

The truth is, whether you realize it or not, to be human is to be emotionally vulnerable.  You can try to protect yourself and avoid emotional intimacy in a romantic relationship, but you're still vulnerable in other relationships with loved ones.  It's just a part of life.  

The first step in overcoming your fear of emotional vulnerability is to become aware of your fear.

Noticing the physical and emotional cues to your avoidance can take practice because, when your fear has been longstanding, your avoidance is so automatic that you don't notice it. 

As I have mentioned in a prior article, becoming aware of your emotions usually starts with noticing what's going on in your body.  

Being present and aware of your body takes practice.  A "body scan," where you have quiet time and privacy to sense into your body to see where you're holding onto tension, is a good start.

Start from the crown of your head and slowly descend from the crown to your face, throat, chest and down to your gut.  Along the way, notice if you're holding onto tension in any particular area and then try to identify the emotion that goes with the tension.

The book, The Power of Focusing: A Practical Guide to Emotional Self Healing, by Ann Weiser Cornell is a simple how-to book on developing a "felt sense" of what's going on for you physically and emotionally.  She has practical exercises to help you develop your ability to become aware of your emotions.

Using these exercises, you can check in with yourself periodically during the day to sense what's going on for you.

Once you become more experienced with sensing your emotions, you'll discover when your fear of emotional vulnerability is operating and getting in your way.

Then, it's a matter of consciously making room for emotional vulnerability in romantic relationships with a person you can trust.

How do you know if you can trust someone enough to be emotionally vulnerable?  You need to get to know them over time and, if s/he feels safe enough, you can begin to take a risk of opening up emotionally to this person.

Getting Help in Therapy

Past trauma, including emotional neglect or abuse as a child as well as traumatic experiences in prior relationships, can make it difficult for you to achieve an emotionally intimate relationship because it feels too frightening to you.

A skilled trauma therapist can help you to work through the earlier traumatic experiences so you can gradually learn to be emotionally vulnerable to have the love and emotional intimacy that you long for in your life.

Rather than vacillating between hope and dread, you can get help in trauma therapy to feel hopeful and secure enough to take the emotional risks to achieve emotional intimacy.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, Somatic Experiencing, Emotionally Focused Therapist and Sex Therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

One of my specialties is helping clients to overcome their traumatic experiences so they can live more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.