Keeping a Gratitude Journal

A gratitude journal is a daily diary where you write about the people, places and events in your life that you feel grateful about.

Keeping a Gratitude Journal

It can change your perspective about your life and the world around you, especially when you are feeling down or if you have developed a habit of looking at yourself and the world in a negative way.

It's Easy to Keep a Gratitude Journal
At the end of the day, write down 5 things that you feel grateful about. At first, you might feel that this would be a waste of time, but I invite you to do it for a week.

Even if, at first, you come up with two things, overtime, as you continue this process, you will probably begin to notice that you will come up with more and more items to write in your daily gratitude journal.

Your journal entries can be as basic as being grateful for the food you eat, your clothing, that you have a roof over your head or that you are alive.

How Can Keeping a Gratitude Journal Help You?
Keeping a gratitude journal helps you to be more aware of your view of yourself and the world around you:

• Do you tend to see things as being mostly negative? 
• Is the glass always half empty rather than half full? 
• Do you tend to engage in all-or-nothing thinking? 
• Are you overlooking the blessings in your life, no matter how simple they might be? 
• Have you taken for granted friends and family who are loving and supportive?

As your awareness expands with your gratitude journal, you can learn to let go of negative patterns of thinking that have held you back.

You may begin to feel more inspired to open yourself up to new opportunities. 

Remember, this is a process. Many of my clients have used a gratitude journal with success. It has helped them to overcome old negative habits that have kept them stuck and allowed them to have more of what they want in their lives.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Using Your Imagination as a Powerful Tool for Change

Imagination as a Powerful Tool for Change
Your imagination can be a powerful tool that can be used creatively for making positive changes in your life, solving problems, writing prose, poetry or music, and countless other endeavors. If you allow your mind the freedom to be creative, your imagination can come up with limitless possibilities.

Your Imagination is a Powerful Tool for Change

What Does the Word "Imagination" Mean to You?
Unfortunately, the word "imagination" has a negative meaning for many people.  Often, this begins in early childhood.  Many adults, especially parents and teachers, without realizing it, discourage children from using their imagination.  They tell children, "Stop daydreaming" and "It was only you're imagination."  After a while, these children come to think of imagination as something "bad" or "wrong" rather than seeing it as a creative tool.

How Do You Use Your Imagination?
We use our imagination all the time, often without being aware of it.

The real question is how you use your imagination: Do you use it as a creative tool that can help you to grow and develop or do you use it in a negative way that causes you worry and emotional pain?

Observing yourself and seeing how you use your imagination in your life can help you to understand if you tend to use it in an optimistic or a pessimistic manner.

How would your imagination react to the following scenarios:

Your boss tells you that she wants to see you in her office now. As you're walking to her office, are you imagining yourself getting fired? If so, how would you feel if you found out that you were getting a promotion and a raise?

The new person you've been dating leaves a message on your voicemail that he'd like to talk to you right away. Do you imagine that he's calling to break up with you? If so, how would you feel if, when you called back, he told you that his friend, who had to work late, gave him free orchestra seats to see a play tonight that you've been wanting to see and he's inviting you to go with him?

You wake up on a Monday morning and as you lay in bed, you begin to anticipate your day.  Where do your thoughts go?  Do you imagine all the bad things that could happen this day?  Does your imagination automatically come up with the different things that could go wrong?  Or do you see it as a new day with possibilities of new opportunities?  And if you imagined a bad day and it actually turns out to be a very good day, how does this affect you?  Does this cause you to question how you think or do you minimize this day (and all your good days) as exceptions.

Changing How You Use Your Imagination
If you think about situations that have actually occurred in your life where you imagined negative outcomes but were pleasantly surprised by positive outcomes, you can begin to become aware of your particular pattern of using your imagination.

Whenever a particular situation comes up, notice where you mind goes. Write it down. After a while, if you notice a pattern that you don't like, you might decide you want to change your way of thinking. If so, as a first step, you can begin to challenge yourself about your negative imagination and begin to consider positive outcomes instead.

For some people who have had emotional trauma, using negative imagination becomes a habitual way of thinking because they feel it helps to prepare them for the worst case scenario each time. This is a common reaction to trauma.

The problem is that focusing on the worst case scenario all of the time doesn't really help and, in many cases, it gets in the way because these people are always anticipating emotional pain and going over painful scenarios in their lives. So, even when something good happens, it's hard for them to enjoy life because they're immersed in their negative imagination. For people with a history of lot of painful experiences, it can be very difficult to change this pattern on their own without help from a licensed mental health professional who works with trauma.

From Imagination to Action
Of course, even if you use your imagination in the most positive and creative ways, you still need to take action.  Here's where a lot of people get stuck.  They might have wonderful daydreams about how they'll change their lives, but they don't take the necessary steps to make it happen.  Emotional obstacles  get in the way.

Getting Help - Clinical Hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing
If you would like to use your imagination as a creative tool to make changes in your life, you could benefit from seeing a licensed psychotherapist who is trained in clinical hypnosis (also known as hypnotherapy) and Somatic Experiencing.  Clinical hypnosis and Somatic Experiencing are a powerful combination that allow you to access your internal world to make changes.

To find out more about clinical hypnosis, visit:  American Society for Clinical Hypnosis (ASCH).

To find out more about Somatic Experiencing, visit:  Somatic Experiencing Training Institute

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I work with individual adults and couples.  I have helped many clients to overcome habitual negative thinking and patterns of negative imagination so they can lead more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, please call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.


Photo Credit:  photo credit: jaci XIII via photopin cc

Wellness: Learning to Visualize in Meditation

If you've been following the last couple of posts, you'll know that I've been focusing on meditation. In the last post, I explored the Safe Place Meditation where you imagine engaging as many of your senses as you can in a relaxing place of your choice.

The Challenge of Visualizing During Meditation
For many people, visualizing during meditation can be a challenge. When they close their eyes and try to visualize, nothing comes and they might feel discouraged. If this happens to you, the good news is that you can practice and improve your visualization skills. If you're patient, it usually gets better with practice over time.

The Challenge of Visualizing During Meditation

Visualization Exercises
One way to practice is to take a simple object, like an apple, and use that to practice. 

For instance, if you're using a red apple, place it in front of you, at eye level, if possible. Now, notice the color. Really notice the quality of the red. Is it a deep rich red or a lighter red? Are there other colors on your apple? Maybe your apple is also partly green. Notice what kind of green it is. 

Now, notice the size and shape of the apple. Is it short and round in the middle and flat at the top and bottom or is it wider at the top, round in the middle and narrow at the bottom? Is the stem still attached? Are there any bruises on the apple. 

Take your time. Spend a few minutes looking at the apple. Now, close your eyes, take a couple of deep breaths and picture your apple. If nothing comes, open your eyes and focus on the color again. Practice doing this a few times. A lot will depend on how much you can relax.

As your power to visualize improves, you can try other objects (sea shells, flowers, and whatever other objects you like). You can also use photographs of people's faces. The process would be the same--focus on the picture, notice the features, and then close your eyes and "see" the face from the picture.

You might try visualizing a sea shell

As I've mentioned before, visualizing usually gets better with practice so don't get discouraged. Let yourself have fun with this. Allow your playful side to come out and enjoy visualizing.

You Might Have Other Sense Experiences 
The other important thing to realize is that you might have other skills, aside from visualizing, that work for you.  For instance, some people are very good at having a felt sense in their bodies.  Other people can imagine in their "mind's ear" hearing music.  What's important is not which sense is most dominant for you, but that you have a sense that you can use to help you to relax and meditate.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist. 

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also, see my article:  Wellness: Meditation 

Wellness: Safe Place Meditation

In the prior post, Wellness and Meditation I explored basic meditative techniques. I suggested that you can start by focusing on your breath.

Safe Place Meditation

Safe Place Meditation
As I mentioned in the prior post, there are many different types of meditation. One type of meditation that I usually teach clients is called the Safe Place meditation, which I'll explore in this post.

Now, "safe" is a relative term. For some people, possibly due to their history of trauma, there might not be anywhere that they can visualize that would be "safe." So, if you're not comfortable with the words "safe place," you can think of it as a relaxing, peaceful place. Over time, practice usually makes it easier.

As I mentioned in the prior post, assuming that you're in a good place to meditate (never when you're drving or when you need to be fully alert), start by closing your eyes and focusing on your breath. After a few relaxing breaths, picture a relaxing, peaceful place. It might be a beach or your favorite place in the countryside or wherever it feels most relaxing to you.

Whatever place you choose, look around in your mind's eye and notice what's there--the colors, shapes and patterns of things around you. Really take time to notice. 

Then, notice what sounds you "hear" in this place. So, if you're at the beach, maybe you hear the sound of the waves as they crash along the shore or maybe you hear the sea gulls as they fly over the water. 

Then, just notice any scents you might "smell." Once again, if you're at the beach, maybe you smell the salt from the water. 

You might also "taste" the salt. Notice any sensations you might "feel." At the beach, you might feel the breeze coming off the water or the coolness of the water against your toes or maybe you feel the gentle heat from the sun warming your body.

If any distracting thoughts come to mind, as they often do for most people, just notice them and let them go. Let them drift by like clouds passing by overhead. 

When you're ready to return, take a couple of deep breaths. You can wiggle your fingers or toes so that you're alert and fully present in your environment. Then, open your eyes.

Meditation Practice
Meditation takes practice. If you have difficulty visualizing or imagining using your other senses, don't worry about it. It usually becomes easier over time. 

In the meantime, enjoy the Safe Place meditation.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

To find out more about me, please visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

Please feel free to call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me to set up an appointment.

Stressful Workplace? Remember to Breathe

In a prior blog post, I discussed the boss who is a bully in the workplace (Are You a Bully at Work?).  I'd like to focus today on stress management in a stressful work environment. 

Aside from bullying bosses, there are many other potential stressors that can be detrimental to your health, well being, and your relationships with your loved ones. Knowing what works for you with regard to destressing is crucial when you work in a stressful work environment.

Stressful Workplace? Remember to Breathe

Stress at Work

For many people who are fortunate enough to have a job in this long recession, the fear of losing one's job is never far away. Even if you work in the most ideal work environment with the most supportive boss and congenial coworkers, given the economy, the potential for losing your job is a common workplace stressor.

I've often heard people these days talk about being extra cautious about taking off sick days. Other people become anxious, when they go on vacation, about what might go wrong with their projects while they're away.

Some people have even shortened their vacations because they're too anxious to stay away from the workplace for any length of time. When we look at this in a calmer, more rational way, we can see this is counterproductive. But for someone who fears that something bad could come up while he or she is away, this is a very real dilemma. So, given our current economic times, you can be under a lot of stress even in the most even the ideal workplace setting.

But most people aren't working in ideal workplace settings. They're dealing with difficult or bullying bosses or uncooperative coworkers and a myriad of other workplace stressors. So, no matter what type of workplace you go to every workday, it's essential that you have a stress management regime that works for you. Finding out what works best for you might take some exploration, trial and error, and an openness to trying new things.

Square Breathing to De-stress at Work

One simple thing that anyone can do is to remember to breathe. I know that, on the face of it, this might sound odd. After all, we all have to breathe in order to survive. But many people, without realizing it, hold their breathe for periods of time or they breathe in a way that's so shallow that they're not getting enough oxygen into their systems. Poor breathing habits can cause panic attacks. A steady flow of breathing can help you to discharge stressful energy.

Stressful Workplace? Remember to Breathe

I often recommend to clients that they practice rhythmic breathing where they breathe in to the count of 4, hold for 4, breathe out for 4, and then hold out to the count of 4, and then repeat the cycle of a few more times. This is called Square Breathing. The count doesn't so much matter--you can do it to the count of 5 or 6 or whatever feels comfortable that's more than 4. The important thing is to do all breathing in, out, and holding to the same count.

People are often amazed at how calming this can be. And, it's relatively easy so most people can do it fairly easily.

Developing your own ways to destress in a stressful workplace is essential. Square Breathing is one technique that can help.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, Somatic Experiencing and EMDR therapist.  I work with individuals and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also see my blog post:  An Internal Retreat 

Learning to Relax: Going on an Internal Retreat

Learning to Relax:  Going on an Internal Retreat

Taking time to yourself to relax is an important part of self care, especially for people who spend most of their time taking care of others.  Generally, when we think of retreats, we think of going away somewhere to get away from everything.  

Places like Omega in Rhinebeck, NY or Kripalu in Lenox, MA offer retreats for people who want to relax and get away from it all for a day, a weekend or longer.   

But there are times when we can't get a way to a spa or a weekend retreat.  So, can we get some of the benefits of going on a retreat without actually going anywhere?

What is a "retreat"?
Let's first look at the definition of the word "retreat."

Here are some common definitions:

     "a place of privacy; a place affording peace and quiet"

     "move away, as for privacy"

     "hideaway: an area where you can be alone"


Going on an Internal Retreat

An Internal Retreat:  Relaxation, Peace, Calm

Notice that in these particular definitions above it says nothing about having to book a spa weekend or a yoga or spiritual retreat. The emphasis is on moving away and finding privacy to find peace and quiet.

So while a retreat can be an external place, more importantly, it's a calm internal place that you go to in your mind when you have quiet and privacy to enter into that part of your internal world.

It's so important to your personal well being to have a time and place where you can retreat into your internal world and relax for at least a few minutes. Most people know this, but it's so easy forget.

Internal Retreat:  Taking a Few Minutes to Yourself to Relax

When you have privacy and some quiet time, an internal retreat can be as little as 5 or 10 minutes of just focusing on your breathing. Often, it's a matter of developing this habit and making it a regular part of your normal day. The benefits to your overall health and well being can be tremendous.

We can learn a lot from our pets, who know how to relax at just about any time and place.

Our Pets Can Teach Us a Lot About How to Relax

If you do get a chance to go out into nature, even if it's just for a short time, you can feel refreshed and rejuvenated.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.   I work with individual adults and couples.  

I help clients in my psychotherapy practice to learn self care and how to relax in their everyday lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also, see my articles on Mindfulness Meditation and Solitude vs Loneliness.


Photo Credits:  Photo Pin

Relationships: Coping with Infidelity

One of the most difficult and heart breaking situations for a couple to deal with is infidelity.

Deciding whether to stay or leave the relationship after you discover that your partner has been unfaithful is a hard decision to make. It's a very individual decision. 

Coping With Infidelity

For some people, finding out about a partner's infidelity, no matter what the reasons or circumstances, is beyond what they can ever tolerate or accept. There is no question in their minds that they are leaving. 

But for others, although they are very hurt, they decide to try to work it out. After the initial shock, they might feel that they've invested too much in the relationship to end it. It might surprise you that many couples are able to reconcile after infidelity and that their relationships are actually stronger as a result. This is not an endorsement for staying or leaving. It's simply an observation.

See my article:  Relationships: Should You Stay or Should You Go?

What are the various types of infidelity?
Infidelity can involve a one-time sexual encounter with someone outside the relationship. It can be a longstanding affair. It can also be a series of encounters with many different people. This is often, although not always, the case with people who engage in out of control sexual behavior. 

It can be encounters in person or encounters online in chat rooms or on various Internet and social media sites. Infidelity is not always sexual. Sometimes infidelity involves getting one's primary emotional needs met by someone else or it can be both. When the affair is strictly emotional, it can be more difficult to resolve sometimes because your partner might not see it as infidelity. However, if it's taking away from the primary relationship, it's a problem.  Both men and women cheat on their spouses and partners.  Infidelity occurs in heterosexual and gay relationships.

Infidelity on Social Media Sites

Why do people cheat?
The reasons that people give for cheating are numerous and complex. Often, the reason that people give is that they're unhappy in their relationship. They might feel that their partner is not paying enough attention to them, and they don't know how to express it without acting out. They might be angry and use infidelity to retaliate against the partner. For other people, they might have grown up in a household where infidelity was tolerated, so it's become commonplace in their minds. In other instances, people have a hard time making a commitment to one person, so they use another relationship to defuse the intensity of the primary relationship. In other instances, people don't know how to end their primary relationship so they enter into another relationship unconsciously hoping that they'll be found out and this will end the relationship. There can be so many other reasons.

What are the factors that contribute to a couple surviving infidelity:
One important factor is the quality of the relationship and how stable it was before the infidelity. All other things being equal, the more stable it was, the more likely it is that the problem can be worked out if both people are willing to work it out. It is essential that the partner who is cheating end the other relationship before anything can be worked out in the primary relationship. 

One of the most important factors is whether trust can be regained. Sometimes, even when both people are willing to work out the relationship, it doesn't work out because the partner who was cheated on just cannot learn to trust the cheating partner again. Without trust, most relationships don't survive.

Should You Stay or Should You Go?
What should you do if you find out your partner has been cheating? No one can tell you what to do. Well-meaning friends and relatives might try to give you advise, whether to stay or go, but it's your decision. Anyway, this is between you and your partner and it's not for others to decide. 

In most cases, it's better not to make any immediate decisions while you're still in shock. You need time and space to carefully consider your options. If infidelity has been an ongoing problem with your partner throughout your relationship, you might feel differently than if there was one encounter. Much will depend on whether you feel you can trust your partner again.

Regaining trust:
If you and your partner decide to try to work it out, know that it will probably take a while (for some people, months or years) to regain trust, if it can be regained at all. You must insist that your partner give up the other relationship(s). If your partner won't agree to this, he or she is not ready to honor the commitment to your relationship and you must face this.

See my article: Regaining Trust After the Affair

What if you both decide to try to salvage your relationship, but you're having problems getting past the hurt and anger?

Many couples, even when they decide to try to reconcile, have problems working out their problems on their own. They might find themselves coming to the same impasse over and over again. If that's your situation, it's best to seek the help of a licensed psychotherapist who works with couples. 

Friends and family members, even if they have the best of intentions, will usually add to the confusion. Even if you decide to end the relationship, if you can, it's better to find a way to end it in a constructive way, especially if there are children involved and you must remain in contact about them.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.