How Experiential Therapy Can Help You to Overcome Emotional Hijacking

In my last two articles, What is Emotional Hijacking? and Self Help Tips to Cope with Emotional Hijacking, I defined this phenomenon and provided self help tools.  

In this article I'm focusing on how experiential therapy, which is a bottom up therapeutic approach, can help you to overcome emotional hijacking (see my article:  What's the Difference Between Top Down and Bottom Up Approaches to Therapy?)

How Experiential Therapy Can Help You to Overcome Emotional Hijacking

An emotional hijack occurs when the part of the brain called the amygdala, which is an emotional processor, bypasses (or hijacks) your normal reasoning process.  

Although normally your decision making occurs in other parts of the brain, the amygdala takes over during certain circumstances.

There are times when using self help tools aren't enough, especially when unresolved trauma gets activated over and over again.  

At that point, it's important to get help from a therapist who uses experiential therapy to help clients overcome trauma (see my article: Why Experiential Therapy is More Effective For Trauma Than Regular Talk Therapy).

Clinical Vignette

The following clinical vignette illustrates how an experiential approach in therapy helps a client who has unresolved trauma.  As always, this is a composite of many different cases without identifying information.

Glen

At the encouragement of his wife, Glen, 38, sought help in therapy.  

During the prior six months, he began feeling irritable and anxious.  He told his therapist that he started a new job, and his director, John, was highly critical of Glen and all of Glen's colleagues.  

John justified his criticism by saying he believed it would encourage the sales team to work harder (see my article: Coping With a Difficult Boss).

Glen's colleagues, who worked for John for several years, shrugged off John's criticism because they said, even though he was critical, he usually rewarded them with bonuses and merit raises at the end of the year, which was all they cared about. As a result, most of them didn't take John's comments that seriously.

But Glen couldn't shrug it off the way his colleagues did.  He felt deeply wounded by John's remarks--even though, privately, John assured Glen that he thought he was doing a good job.

Whenever John criticized Glen in a staff meeting, Glen felt like he froze emotionally--he couldn't even think straight, which meant he couldn't respond to John's statements or questions.  He felt like something so overpowering came over him emotionally that he felt like he was no longer in the room.

Afterwards, when he had a chance to calm himself, he couldn't understand why he had such severe reactions to John's comments while his colleagues took John's negative comments to them in stride.

Even on his days off, Glen had a hard time letting go of John's criticism, and this affected his relationship with his wife, Barbara.  He no longer wanted to get together with their friends or do the things they usually both enjoyed.  

After watching Glen's mood get worse over time, Barbara told him that he needed to get help. 

When Glen's therapist asked him about his family background, he described a mother who was emotionally distant and a father who was critical and hard to please.  

Until he said this, Glen hadn't made the connection between his current boss and his critical father (see my article: Reacting to the Present Based on Your Traumatic Past).

His therapist explained the concept of emotional hijacking to Glen.  When they did an Affect Bridge to trace the origin of the emotional hijacking, Glen traced it back to his early childhood when his father would often humiliate him in front of his friends--similar to how John humiliated him in staff meetings.  

Based on Glen's response to the Affect Bridge, his therapist recommended that they address his unresolved trauma using EMDR Therapy as well as Ego States therapy.

Using these experiential therapies, over time, they gradually worked on Glen's current triggers, his past triggers and his apprehension about the future.  

Once Glen worked through the past and present triggers and his fears about the future, he no longer felt emotionally hijacked at work.  He also no longer ruminated about his director's critical comments when he was at home.  In addition, his mood improved substantially, and he once again enjoyed his social activities and interests with his wife and friends.

He also decided he deserved to work in a healthier work environment, so he found another job which had a positive work environment with a boss who was much more encouraging.

Conclusion

Unresolved trauma can get triggered in new situations in your personal life as well as in your work environment.  

These triggers can cause you to feel like you're being emotionally hijacked to the point where your logical brain shuts down temporarily.

An experiential approach in therapy is more effective than regular talk therapy in resolving trauma.  

Getting Help in Therapy

If you find that your efforts to cope with emotional hijacking aren't working, you could benefit from working with a trauma therapist who uses experiential therapy (What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many individuals and couples to resolve trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

 

Self Help Tips on How to Cope With Emotional Hijacking

In my prior article, What is Emotional Hijacking?, I defined the term as it relates to unresolved trauma, and I gave some examples.  In this article, I'm providing some self help tips on how to cope with emotional hijacking (see my article: Reacting to the Present Based on Your Past).

Tips on How to Cope With Emotional Hijacking

As I mentioned in my prior article, an emotional hijack occurs when the part of the brain called the amygdala, which is an emotional processor, bypasses (or hijacks) your normal reasoning process.  

Although normally your decision making occurs in other parts of the brain, the amygdala takes over during certain circumstances (see my article: Trauma, Therapy and the Triune Brain).

When the amygdala reacts without the help of the logical part of your brain helping you to pause and process the situation first, you overreact without thinking.  Often this leads to situations which you regret afterwards when you've had time to process what happened to you.

Tips on How to Cope With Emotional Hijacking

• Pause: If you can recognize the cues that you're feeling emotionally overwhelmed, pause for a moment to calm down and process what just happened.

• Count to 10: Whether you count to 10 or you need to count to 100, you'll distract yourself enough to temporarily move away from whatever emotions are overwhelming you so you can go back afterwards to think about it rationally.

• Breathe: Breath in a way where the exhalations are twice as long as the inhalations. So, if you breathe in to the count of 5, breathe out to the count of 10.  The exhalations activate your parasympathetic system to help to calm you.  You can also use Square Breathing.

• Name the Emotion: When you've had some time to pause and think about what's happening to you, name the emotion you're experiencing. This can help you to make sense of what's happening to you.

• Move: When you get up and move, the logical part of your brain will eventually come back online so you can think more clearly.  This can mean you go for a walk outside or just walk into another room.

• Write in Your Journal: Writing and reflecting on what caused you to react emotionally can help you to engage the logical part of your brain so you can reflect on what just happened to you (see my article: The Benefits of Journal Writing).

• Get Emotional Support: When you share your feelings with a partner or trusted family member or friend, you can relieve yourself of some of the emotional burden you're carrying and you can get another perspective about what's bothering you (see my article: Overcoming Your Discomfort With Asking For Emotional Support).

In my next article, I'll discuss how processing unresolved trauma in therapy can help: See my article: How Experiential. Therapy Can Help You to Overcome Emotional Hijacking.

Getting Help in Therapy

If these self help tips don't work for you, you could benefit from working with a trauma therapist who can help you to overcome the unresolved trauma that causes you to get emotionally hijacked (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from a licensed mental health professional so you can lead a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many clients to overcome unresolved trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 or email me.

What is Emotional Hijacking?

The psychologist and science journalist Daniel Goleman introduced the concept of emotional hijacking in the mid-1990s in his book, Working With Emotional Intelligence (see my article: Reacting to the Present Based on Your Traumatic Past).

What is Emotional Hijacking?

As a psychotherapist in New York City who specializes in helping clients to overcome trauma, I see many clients who experience emotional hijacking based on unresolved trauma from the past (see my article: Understanding Why You're Affected By Unresolved Trauma From a Long Time Ago).

What is Emotional Hijacking?

So, let's start by defining this term.

An emotional hijack occurs when the part of the brain called the amygdala, which is an emotional processor, bypasses (or hijacks) your normal reasoning process.  

Although normally your decision making occurs in other parts of the brain, the amygdala takes over during certain circumstances (see my article: Trauma, the Triune Brain and Somatic Experiencing).

This can be a very good thing: If you're being chased by a tiger, you probably wouldn't survive if you had to rely on the logical part of your brain to reason out what you should do.  That would take too long when seconds could mean the difference between life and death.

So, when the amygdala takes over, you react without having to use the logical part of the brain and you run before you even realize that you're doing it.

But there are times when the amygdala reacts when you want the logical part of your brain to help you to pause and process the situation first.

Situations Where People Are Emotionally Hijacked

Here are some examples of people getting emotionally hijacked.  See if you can relate to any of these scenarios, which are based on composites of many different cases with all identifying information removed:

• Feeling Ignored and Invisible: Joe was trying to tell his wife, Betty, about his stressful day with a difficult colleague.  Normally, Betty is attentive and empathetic, but she was distracted by an email that popped up on her computer at home from her boss that needed an immediate response.  As a result, she was only half listening to Joe, which upset him. Without even thinking about it, Joe lashed out at Betty and said, "You never pay attention to me!" Joe was unaware that emotionally he was brought back to all the times when he was a small child and he tried to get his mother's attention, but she was too distracted by Joe's father, who was drunk.  At the point when Joe got emotionally hijacked in the present, he didn't realize he was reacting to unresolved trauma from the past.  But when he spoke to his therapist about it later on in the week, she explained the concept of emotional hijacking to him, and she helped him to understand the connection between the present situation with his wife and his unresolved trauma from the past.  He realized his reaction to his wife was out of proportion to the current situation, and he apologized to his wife. He also told his therapist he wanted to work on his unresolved trauma so he wouldn't continue to get emotionally hijacked (see my article: Growing Up Feeling Invisible and Emotionally Invalidated).

• Feeling Left Out and Unlovable: When Sue asked her close friend, Ann, to go to the movies, she felt hurt to hear that Ann already had other plans with her other friend, Tania.  Not only did Sue feel hurt, she also felt left out and unlovable.  As she walked home, she silently berated herself for even asking Ann to go to the movies. She said to herself, "Why did I even ask her? She obviously doesn't care about me or she would've included me in her plans with Tania.  What an idiot I am to believe she's a good friend of mine!"  During her next therapy session, Sue told her therapist about what happened.  Her therapist had heard many stories prior to this of Sue's good friendship with Ann, so she knew that Sue was reacting to the present based on her past experience as a child with an emotionally unavailable mother.  As her therapist reminded Sue about her long, close friendship with Ann and how loving and supportive Ann had been in the past, Sue realized that her thinking was distorted, and this was another situation where she was emotionally hijacked (see my article: Overcoming the Emotional Pain of Feeling Unlovable).

• Feeling Powerless:  When Bill tried to return a defective laptop he bought the day before, he was turned away at the store by a brusque sales associate who told him that he couldn't, under any circumstances, replace it or give Bill his money back.  The original sales associate, who sold the laptop to Bill had told Bill that he had 90 days to return the laptop for any reason for either a replacement, a refund or store credit.  Bill even had a receipt that confirmed the store's policy.  But the current sales associate was rude and abrupt, and Bill felt powerless.  He didn't know what to say or do, so he left the store feeling confused.  Later that day when Bill spoke to his wife about the incident, she recognized Bill's familiar pattern of getting emotionally hijacked in similar situations.  She helped him to calm down so he could think more clearly about it.  When he was calmer, based on his work in therapy, Bill realized the sales associate's manner was similar to how his father used to berate him when Bill was a child.  He also realized he was reacting to the current situation as if he was living in the past.  The next day, Bill went back to the store and asked to speak with the sales manager, who was very apologetic for how Bill had been treated the day before and he refunded Bill his money (see my article: How Unresolved Trauma Affects How You Feel About Yourself).

The examples above represent only a few of the many situations where people get emotionally hijacked.  You can probably think of many others.

Conclusion

Emotional hijacking occurs when the emotional processor in the brain, the amygdala, reacts and bypasses the logical part of the brain so that you have an immediate response that is usually out of proportion to the current situation.

More times than not, your brain is reacting to memories from the past which are related to unresolved trauma.

People often realize, in hindsight, that they overreacted, but they might not realize why, especially if they're not in therapy.  

By then, they might feel ashamed for their overreaction. 

Over time, there is also the possibility of damaging important relationships if these overreactions keep happening.

My Next Articles

In my next blog article, I'll provide some tips on how to deal with emotional hijacking: Self Help Tips on Emotional Hijacking.

Also see my article: How Experiential Therapy Can Help You to Overcome Emotional Hijacking.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you recognize that you tend to get emotionally hijacked often under certain circumstances, you could benefit from getting help from a trauma therapist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

Overcoming unresolved trauma with the help of a licensed mental health professional who has expertise in this area can free you from getting emotionally hijacked.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

As a trauma therapist, I have helped many clients to overcome psychological trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.