What is Disenfranchised Grief?

Disenfranchised grief is a term used to describe grief that is not openly acknowledged, socially validated or publicly supported. This term was coined by Dr. Kenneth Doka, a grief researcher in 1989.

Disenfranchised Grief

Disenfranchised grief occurs when a person experiences a significant loss but society, culture or the people around them minimize or deny their right to mourn. 

This often leaves the individual grieving in isolation without traditional mourning rituals, support systems and validation that typically accompanies a recognized loss.

What Are Common Examples of Disenfranchised Loss?

The following examples are typical of disenfranchised loss:

• Unrecognized Relationships:  The connection to the deceased is either hidden or unrecognized. This includes mourning an ex-spouse or former partner, a casual partner, miscarriage or stillbirth, a secret lover, an LGBTQ+ when the relationship isn't publicly known.

Disenfranchised Grief

• Unrecognized Losses: The loss is viewed as minor or as not deserving of deep grief.  This includes: a miscarriage, the loss of a pet and non-death losses such as a breakup, loss of a job or a loved one with cognitive decline due to Alzheimer's (see my article: Coping With Ambiguous Loss).

Disenfranchised Grief

• Stigmatized Loss: The circumstances surrounding the death involve social judgment, which causes survivors to hide their emotional pain. Examples include deaths involving suicide, substance abuse overdose or criminal contexts.

• Disenfranchised Grievers: Many people often mistakenly assume that certain individuals lack either the capacity or need to grieve. This includes young children, the elderly or individuals with cognitive or developmental disabilities.

• Unconventional Grieving Styles: A person's outward expression of grief doesn't always match cultural expectations. This might include: Showing no visible emotion, using humor or grieving much longer than some people think is appropriate.

What is the Impact of Hidden Grief?

Since this type of grief goes unrecognized by others, it can create certain mental health challenges for the individual experiencing the grief including:

• Intense Isolation: Without the usual emotional support and rituals of grief, the individual who is experiencing the grief carries the weight of the grief on their own.

Disenfranchised Grief

• Self Doubt and Shame: Grievers often internalize the lack of validation. This often causes grievers to question whether their feelings are "wrong", "dramatic" or inappropriate.

• Prolonged or Complicated Grief: When grievers can't process loss openly, the pain frequently persists longer and evolve into clinical complications (see my article: Coping With Complicated Grief.

What Are Strategies For Healing?

Coping with disenfranchised grief requires alternative ways to validate your experience:

• Name Your Grief: Recognizing that your grief is a legitimate response to a real loss is an essential part of healing.

• Give Yourself Permission to Feel All Your Feelings: Grief often comes in waves so it's not a linear process. Disenfranchised grief can be particularly intense due to your isolated state and the lack of empathy from others. You might feel emotionally numb, sad, hopeless, hopeful, angry, alone, relieved, overwhelmed, anxious, curious and many other emotions.

Disenfranchised Grief

• Create Personal Rituals: If you're unable to have a formal ceremony, create your own. This can involve planting a tree, writing letters, creating a private memorial space in your home or whatever feels meaningful to you. You can also write in a journal to express all your feelings about the loss (see my article: The Power of Creating Personal Rituals).

Get Help in Therapy

Getting help in therapy for disenfranchised grief counteracts the isolation of an unacknowledged loss and it can prevent the development of more complex mental health problems and emotional stagnation.

Get Help in Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, get help from a licensed mental health professional who can witness your pain and help you to work through grief.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), IFS, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

Coping With the Loss of a Loved One - Common Reactions 

The Many Layers of Grief 

The Emotional Impact of Losing Both of Your Parents 

You Continue to Have An Internal Relationship With Your Parents After They Die