A Therapist's Thoughts About "John," a Book By Cynthia Lennon

Having recently read "John," a book about John Lennon by his first wife, Cynthia Lennon, I was quite moved.  I would recommend this book highly to people who are curious about John Lennon and would like to know more about the personal history of this creative genius based on Cynthia's account.

A Therapist's Thoughts About "John"

John Lennon the Man vs John Lennon the Icon

As most people know, John Lennon and the Beatles were idolized by millions.  They achieved unimaginable success as a group. 

When we idealize people to such a degree, we place them on high pedestals from which they can only fall when their personal lives are scrutinized with such detail from childhood to death.  

As a young girl growing up during Beatlemania, I was one of the millions who idolized the Fab Four and loved their music, and I still love their music.  

So, as an adult, I hesitated, at first, to read "John" because I wondered if I would be disillusioned by Cynthia's account of John the Man, a husband and a father, as opposed to the revered public persona of John Lennon the Icon.

But, as soon as I began reading Cynthia Lennon's book, I realized that she gives quite an empathic account of John's life and her marriage to John.  

Given the circumstances of their life together and the aftermath of their relationship, based on her account, I don't think many people could have blamed her if she did otherwise.  But, to her credit, she seems to present a balanced picture of a man with early trauma, who is thrust into the spotlight at such a young age, seemingly unprepared for what fame would bring.  

I already "knew" certain aspects of his life that had received a lot of publicity before and after his death--or, at least, as much as anyone can "know" things about such a famous person that you've never met.  

I knew that he lost his mother as a teenager.  I also knew that his father was not around much when he was a young boy and then, presumably, disappeared from his life later on until after John became famous.  I'd heard stories that his Aunt Mimi, who raised him, was not a nurturing figure in his life.  

I had also already read stories and heard accounts that when he left Cynthia to be with Yoko Ono, he had little contact with his first son, Julian Lennon.  For me, this was one of the hardest aspects of his life to reconcile with the public persona of John Lennon, who advocated for peace and love.  

Of course, everyone has conflicting aspects to his or her personality.  So, this isn't so much a criticism of John as it is an observation that he was human, after all and, like all of us, had human flaws.

Transgenerational Trauma

But, as a psychotherapist reading about how John left his first son, Julian, based on Cynthia's account, I couldn't help looking at the transgenerational trauma that occurred when his father left him and when he left Julian.  

For a son, losing a father as a young boy is a major loss and an emotional trauma.  I often see psychotherapy clients who have lost one or both parents at a young age who vow that they will never abandon their children because they love them and they don't want to see them hurt in the same way.  But, so often, many of these same parents end up abandoning their children due to whatever unresolved trauma and unconscious internal turmoil that is going on within them.  

This happens in so many ways, big and small.  Many young adults will say, "I never want to be like my father" or "I never want to be like my mother" and they mean this sincerely.  

But then, as older adults, they often find themselves doing the exact thing their mother or father did that hurt them and that they said they would never do.  Usually, this occurs because of their own unconscious internal conflicts.  And this is how transgenerational trauma is perpetuated, usually on an unconscious level, from one generation to the next.

John Lennon - Genius and Complex Person

Having never met John Lennon, I'm not going to presume to say what might or might not have gone on in his mind.  In Cynthia's book, "John," he is presented as a complex person with many conflicting, and seemingly unintegrated, parts to his personality.  

My impression is that Cynthia never thought John would leave her in the way that he did or abandon their child.  

As a psychotherapist, I have worked with many clients who are often stunned by similar behavior by a spouse or lover.  This can be one of the most devastating and traumatic experiences of a person's life--when you think you know your spouse or partner so well and then he does something so hurtful that you can hardly believe he's the same person you thought you knew.

It's not easy putting your life back together again after such a crushing blow, which makes Cynthia Lennon's resilience and resourcefulness all the more impressive.

I've included a link below for Part 1 of "John" which is narrated by Cynthia Lennon.  I hope you will enjoy it.

About Me

As a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist, I work with individual adults and couples.  

One of my specialities is working with trauma, and I have helped many clients to overcome trauma so they can lead more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also, see my blog article:  Psychotherapy and Transgenerational Trauma

Allow Your Children to Have Dreams and Use Their Imagination

Whenever people tell me that they were scolded as children for being "dreamers," having their "heads in the clouds," and using their imagination, I feel my heart sinking.  I wish more parents understood the value of allowing their children to have dreams and use their imagination.

Allow Your Children to Have Dreams and Use Their Imagination

The Imaginary World of Books
I've mentioned in an earlier blog post that when I was six or seven years old, my dream was to be a writer.  I think this dream developed when I discovered books.  I loved to read.  I loved being able to immerse myself in the imaginary world of the characters in the stories.

My mother was a big proponent of reading.  She began taking me to the public library at least once a week before I started elementary school.  The library, with all its many books, was a magical place to me.  Before I started school, we would go to the library and pick out books.  Then, we would go to the park and she would read to me while I looked wide-eyed at the pictures.

More than anything, when I began school, I wanted to learn to read so I could enter into these imaginary worlds on my own.  There were so many books in the children's section of the library, and I wanted to read all of them.  I was fortunate to have a wonderful first grade teacher, Mrs. Kurtz, who encouraged my interest and gave me books that were a few grade levels above me.

Although my mother was happy that I loved to read, she was uncomfortable with the idea that I wanted to be a writer. She never told me that I couldn't become a writer, but she thought this was very impractical and she worried that I wouldn't be able to support myself as a writer.  When she told my pediatrician that I wanted to be a writer, not only did he not discourage me, but he gave me lots of writing pads, pens, a thesaurus and a dictionary.  He told me that these were the writers' "tools."   He encouraged me to write to my heart's content, and I was delighted.

These "tools" took on an almost magical quality.  I felt very special and grown up, and I used them to write plays that my cousins and I put on in my grandmother's backyard.  In some ways, this was an act of defiance because I knew my mother didn't want me to be a writer.  But no one stopped me or told me not to do it.  Although they were very respectful and attentive at our performances, I think my relatives were amused by it all.  For their 10 cents admission charge to the show, they saw a play (usually a mystery), and afterwards, we entertained the adults by singing popular songs.

The Beatles and My Imaginary World
When I was 12, I discovered the Beatles during their first visit to the US.  I believe their arrival in the US was significant for our country, following our national mourning for President Kennedy.  It took the country out of our doldrums.

It was also very significant for me as a child.  Two years before, my father died suddenly and my world, as I had known it until then, changed forever.  When my friends and I became Beatle fans, like millions of other fans, we fantasized ourselves with our favorite Beatle (my favorite was Paul McCartney).

During the seventh grade, two of my close friends and I each wrote stories about our lives with the Beatles.  Each one of us wrote about what it would be like to be engaged to our favorite Beatle.  As children often do, we entered into that transitional world between imagination and "ordinary reality" in our writing.

Each day, we would come in to class and during break, we would read excerpts from our writing to each other about our adventures with the Beatles.  Sometimes, we read our writing to our teachers, who encouraged us.

New York World's Fair - Flushing, Queens
During the New York World's Fair in Flushing, Queens, my young friends and I pretended that we were from Liverpool.  They were giving out buttons with the names of people's country of origin, and we were thrilled to each get a button that said "Great Britain."  I don't think we fooled anyone with our fake accents, but the adults went along with us.

Fortunately, throughout that time, no one told us to stop day dreaming or to get our heads "out of the clouds."  We were allowed to use our imagination and have fun with it.  We were allowed to play with ideas and different roles.  We were too young to appreciate this then.  But I can look back now and see how crucial it was for my emotional development and well being at that time.

Allowing Children to Use Their Imagination is an Important Part of Their Development
Being allowed to day dream and use my imagination as a child never interfered with my school work, as many parents might fear.  I continued to get good grades.  And, if anything, it enabled me to develop a curiosity about and openness to people and places that were not part of my immediate world.  It also allowed me to have a sense of wonder and hope about my world in the future.

Isn't this what we want for our children?  If so, let's encourage them to play, dream, imagine and flourish.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.




Photo Credit:  photo credit: jaci XIII via photopin cc