Learning to Accept That You Can't Control Your Loved Ones

While it's understandable that you would want to spare your loved ones from experiencing pain or misfortune, if you try to control the lives of people close to you, you will need to learn what many other people have learned before you--you can't control anyone else's life. 

Psychotherapy can help you to understand why you have a need to do this, help you work through the issues involved and to eventually accept that you need to focus on yourself (see my articles: When Someone You Love Rejects Your Help and Avoiding Codependency With Your Children).

Learning to Accept That You Can't Control Your Loved Ones 

If you think you can see clearly what a loved one needs and your offer to help is rejected, it can be a very difficult thing to accept.  Your intention, of course, is to help, but if your loved one doesn't want your help, you will need to back off--no matter how noble your intentions might be (see my article: Overcoming the Need to Be Everyone's Caretaker).

This can be especially difficult with close family members when you're anxious about their well-being and how they're living their lives.  But when your loved ones tell you that they don't want your help and they're of legal age and competent enough to make their own decisions, you could ruin your relationship by continuing to push.

I see many clients in my psychotherapy private practice in New York City who feel anxious and heartbroken that family members refuse to take their advice or allow them to help.  Their family members see their offer to help as being controlling behavior.

The more they try to help, the more their loved ones push them away.  In some cases, a family member can become estranged because of the strain of this dynamic.

Fictional Clinical Vignette:  Learning to Accept That You Can't Control Your Loved Ones
The following fictional clinical vignette illustrates this dilemma and how psychotherapy can help:

After Beth found out from her older daughter, Nell, that her 21 year old son, Rich, was abusing painkillers, she spoke to her son and offered to arrange to send him to a drug rehabilitation center.  Although Rich didn't deny that he was abusing painkillers, he was annoyed that his older sister divulged this information to their mother, brushed off his mother's suggestion and told her that he knew that he could stop on his own, without help, at any time.

In Beth's family of origin, her father and older brother both abused drugs and alcohol.  This caused Beth, her mother and Beth's siblings much suffering when Beth was a child.  Her father and brother both eventually got clean and sober when Beth was in her 20s, but their addictions precipitated a divorce between the mother and father and alienation with most other family members.

Since Beth's mother was incapacitated most of the time by her depression, as the oldest child, Beth assumed responsibility for her family at an early age.  By the time she was 12, she was cooking and cleaning for her family because her mother stayed in bed all day.  And sometimes Beth went to the local bar to find either her father or brother (or sometimes both) to bring them back home (see my article: Dynamics of Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families).

At the time, Beth didn't think this was unusual. She didn't understand that she was functioning as a parentified child.  She saw herself as being "strong" and able to handle whatever came up in the family.  At a young age, she felt she could resolve any family problem (see my article: Children's Roles in Dysfunctional Families).

Beth was the one, when she was in her early 20s, who arranged, at various times, for her father and brother to attend inpatient treatment.  When her father's primary counselor at the rehabilitation center explained the concept of codependency to Beth and recommended that she attend Al-Anon meetings, Beth dismissed this.  Her feeling was that she wasn't the one with the problems, so she didn't see why she should go to Al-Anon meetings.

When Beth couldn't persuade Rich to go to inpatient treatment, she asked her father to come speak with Rich.  By this time, her father had over 20 years of sobriety and he was still active in the 12 Step community.  He spoke with Rich one-on-one and tried to persuade him to get help, but Rich was angry that his mother told his grandfather about his addiction, and he stopped talking to Beth.

Beth worried about Rich night and day.  She hardly slept.  She blamed herself for divorcing his father, who was an active alcoholic who broke contact with Beth, Nell and Rich.  She thought about all the things that she "should" have done to prevent her son from getting addicted to painkillers, and she continued to try to persuade him to get help--to no avail.

Several weeks later, Beth received a call from the police that Rich was in a car accident and he was arrested for driving while impaired.  He explained that her son was taken to the hospital where he would be medically evaluated and and evaluated for a detox.

After Beth got off the phone, she was so upset that she was shaking.  She blamed herself for not doing more for Rich.  She felt she could have prevented this accident and arrest, but she wasn't forceful or persuasive enough.

At the hospital, she found out that, aside from minor bruises, Rich wasn't seriously injured and no one else was hurt.  The doctors told her that it would take about 10 days or so to detox Rich from the painkillers.  During that time, Beth hired an attorney, who recommended to Rich that, as soon as he was able, he go to a drug rehabilitation center to deal with his addiction and to show the judge that he was serious about getting clean.

Rich completed the hospital detox and a 28 day stay at a rehabilitation center.  Since it was his first offense, the judge agreed that Rich should go to rehab and a court representative would monitor his treatment.

While he was in rehab, Beth and Nell went to visit him twice.  They met with the primary counselor, who recommended Al-Anon for them.  Both Beth and Nell scoffed at the idea.

Following inpatient treatment, Rich attended outpatient treatment and he went to 12 Step meetings with his grandfather.  Eventually, he obtained a sponsor and he began to turn his life around.

Even though Rich was doing much better, Beth continued to relive the moment she received the phone call from the police officer.  She ruminated about how her son could have been killed in that car accident and she blamed herself.  This went on for months, until finally, Beth's best friend, who listened to Beth blame herself over and over again, recommended that Beth seek help in therapy.

Normally, Beth wouldn't even consider attending psychotherapy, but she knew she needed to do something, and she didn't know what else to do.  She was a nervous wreck, and she couldn't sleep.  So she contacted a psychotherapist to begin therapy.

Learning to Accept That You Can't Control Your Loved Ones

After Beth told her psychotherapist about Rich's addiction, how she tried to help him and how guilty she felt, about the car accident and her family's history with addiction, Beth's psychotherapist explained to Beth that her traumatic family history was getting played out with her son.  She told Beth that she functioned as the family rescuer in her family of origin and she was trying to function in that same role with her adult son, but it wasn't working.

Her psychotherapy explained the concepts of codependency to Beth and helped Beth to make connections between her family history and her current situation with Rich.  She also explained to Beth that she functioned as a parentified child in her family because neither her mother or father were able to function as parents.

As Beth listened to her psychotherapist, she realized that this all made sense, but she didn't know how to stop trying to control her son.  She explained to her psychotherapist that, even though he was randomly tested at his outpatient program, all his tests were negative and he seemed to be doing well, she continued to try to monitor his behavior.  She worried whenever he went out and she was vigilant for any signs of a relapse.  This created tension between Beth and her son, and he told her that he planned to move out with sober friends as soon as he found a job.

Beth's psychotherapist recommended that Beth start focusing on herself, specifically learning to de-stress with meditation and breathing exercises that her psychotherapist taught her.  She also recommended that Beth work on her unresolved childhood trauma with EMDR therapy (see my articles: What is EMDR Therapy? and How EMDR Therapy Works: EMDR and the Brain).

Beth had little confidence that her psychotherapist's recommendations would work, but she didn't know what else to do, so she practiced the meditation and breathing exercises.  She also began taking a yoga class and she developed a wind down routine to sleep better.

When Rich told Beth that he found a new full time job and he had plans to move in with sober friends, she became highly anxious.  When she saw her psychotherapist, she fretted that if Rich moved out, she wouldn't be able to monitor how he was doing and she would worry all the time.

Her psychotherapist was empathetic towards Beth.  She understood that Beth was experiencing anxiety about the current situation and her history of family trauma with two addicted family members was also getting triggered.

By the next session, Beth and her psychotherapist began processing her recent traumatic experience with her son's addiction to help Beth's mind and nervous system to get caught up with the fact that her son was actually doing well and she was the one who was still stuck at the point when she found out that her son was abusing painkillers.

Over time, EMDR therapy helped Beth to "update" her emotional experience with her son.  Before doing EMDR, Beth knew objectively that her son was sober and he was doing much better.  But on an emotional level, she was still stuck back in that moment when Nell told her that Rich was abusing painkillers and also in the moment when she got the call from the police officer.

After doing EMDR therapy, over time, Beth gradually worked through her traumatic family history.  She felt compassion for the young child that she had been when she was taking on adult responsibilities for her family.  She could look back now and realize what an impossible task that was and what a toll it took on her emotionally.

Learning to Accept That You Can't Control Your Loved Ones

After Beth worked through her history of trauma, she and her psychotherapist tackled her current worries about her son.  

Having worked through the earlier history of trauma, working on her feelings about her son was, although not easy, easier than she would have expected.  She was able to know and feel that Rich was doing better.  

She told her psychotherapist that she could now feel the uselessness of her worrying (see my article: Experiential Therapy, Like EMDR Therapy, Helps to Achieve Emotional Breakthroughs).

She also felt and accepted on an emotional level that she couldn't control her son or anyone else--she could only control herself.  Although this made her feel sad in a way, she said she also felt relieved because she knew there was nothing for her to do now.

Beth continued to focus on herself.  She eventually went to Al-Anon meetings to get group support to help her not to backslide.

After she stopped trying to monitor Rich's behavior, Beth and Rich got closer and they were able to repair their mother-son relationship.

Conclusion
Accepting that you can't control your loved ones' life can be one of your biggest challenges, especially if you grew up being a parentified child as in the fictional vignette above.

You can offer your loved ones love and emotional support, but you can't live their lives for them or try to control what they do.

By focusing too much on your loved ones' problems, you not only risk alienating them, but you also risk neglecting yourself.

Sometimes, you have accept that your loved ones can do what's necessary to take care of themselves when they're ready.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you try to control your loved ones' behavior, you might have a long history of trying to rescue family members in your family of origin.  

If you were successful in rescuing family members, you might really  believe you can also control loved ones in their current life.  If you were unsuccessful in rescuing family members, you might feel compelled to "get it right this time" in your current situation.

Trying to control loved ones when they reject your help, as in the scenario above, is counterproductive and the situation tends to spiral down.

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to overcome codependency issues so that you can stop trying to control what you can't control and focus on taking care of yourself (see my article: The Benefits of Psychotherapy).

A trauma therapist can help you to overcome trauma related to the current situation as well as unresolved trauma related to the past (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

Once you accept that you can't control anyone else and learn to let go, you can feel freer and live a more fulfilling life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

You and Your Spouse Disagree About Your Adult Child's Substance Abuse Problem - Part 2

In my prior blog article, You and Your Spouse Disagree About Your Child's Substance Abuse Problem - Part 1, I gave a composite vignette of a family struggling with an adult child who moved back home and who has a substance abuse problem.

As often happens, the parents in this family disagree about how to handle their son's problem.  The mother wants their son to get help, but the father thinks the son is just going through a phase.  The problem drives a wedge between them. And their son, who moved back home, uses their conflict to his advantage by going to his father whenever he feels the mother is being too hard on him.

This vignette is a common problem in families and can create increasing conflict and havoc in the household.

You and Your Spouse Disagree About Your Adult Child's Substance Abuse Problem

Of course, every situation is different, so one blog article can't address every issue.

Above all, if your family is having a similar problem and you and your spouse just can't come to an agreement about how to handle it, you should seek out a licensed mental health professional who has expertise in dealing with substance abuse problems.

Here's what I would recommend to Dan and Marie Smith (from the vignette in the prior blog post):

You Can't Ignore Your Child's Problem Drinking Anymore:
The best strategy would have been to discuss what to do before Matt moved back home.  It would have given both of you a chance to get your feelings out in the open with each other and, hopefully, come to a compromise, if possible.  Then, you both could have presented your conditions for allowing Matt to move back home together with one voice.

But since Matt was allowed to move back home without any conditions or guidelines, at this point, now that it has become obvious that he has a drinking problem, you can't ignore it anymore or pretend that it's just a phase.

Based on the fact that 1) Matt lost his job (at least in part due to his excessive absenteeism, which could be telltale sign of excessive drinking) and that 2) you found lots of empty beer bottles hidden in his closet, you can't ignore the problem anymore.

As His Parents, You Need to Provide a United Front to Matt When You Talk to Him About His Drinking
Until now, Matt has been allowed to manipulate the situation at home because the two of you can't agree on what to do and you're arguing about it.

Naturally, Matt has been turning to his father, Dan, who is siding with him.  To this, I would say, "Dan, you're in denial about your son's problems and, even though I know you love Matt and want the best for him, what you're actually doing is enabling him to drink by minimizing the problem and giving him money which he's using to buy alcohol."

To Marie, I would say, "You picked up pretty quickly that there was something else going on that Matt wasn't telling you.  It's understandable, given your childhood history with a father who was an active alcoholic at the time, that you would be upset to discover that Matt is drinking excessively.  But it's important to remember, in order to preserve your well-being, that although it feels similar to what you experienced as a child, you're an adult now and you have a greater capacity to cope and a lot more options than when you were a child.  At some point, after this crisis, it would be helpful for you to work through that earlier trauma in therapy because might be getting triggered in this situation."

But, for now, it's important that you listen to each other and come up with a compromise that you can both live with and then present it to Matt as a united front.

It's important not to be judgmental or harsh when you talk to Matt.  He has a problem and he needs help.  Be empathetic but also clear and firm about your expectations.

It's also important for you to be supportive of one another throughout this process.

Setting Boundaries and Rules For Your Household
Your son is an adult who is living in your household and you have the right to set rules if he wants to continue to live there.  He doesn't have to like your rules, but he needs to follow them.  Decide beforehand what the consequences will be if he doesn't follow your rules.

Doing an Intervention and Alcoholics Anonymous
If talking to Matt isn't enough, the family could benefit from doing an intervention.  In this particular case, there are a couple of routes you could go.

One possibility is that you could hire a professional to do an intervention with the family, although this tends to be costly and, in most cases, your insurance won't pay for it.

Another possibility, in this particular case, involves Marie's father, who is in recovery and has been sober for many years.  He could talk to Matt about his experience of being a person who actively abused alcohol in the past, how he got sober, and what he's doing to maintain his sobriety.

Marie's Father, Who is in Recovery and Sober For Many Years, Could Speak With Matt

He could also take Matt to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting (click on link for a list of meetings in your area).

Going to Al-Anon
Alcoholism is a family disease because it affects the whole family--not just the person who is drinking.  Al-Anon is a wonderful resource for families (click on link for meeting list).  These 12 Step meetings are free and, although no one will give you advice on what you can do for your particular problem, you'll hear many people, who were once in your shoes, speak about what has worked for them. Al-Anon will help you take care of yourself.

Going to Couples Counseling With a Licensed Mental Health Professional Who Has Expertise Helping Families With Substance Abuse Problems
If you're stuck because either you can't come up with a compromise that you can each live with or you come up against another obstacle along the way that you're unable to surmount as a couple, you could benefit from seeing a licensed mental health professional who has expertise helping families with substance abuse problems.

When you're dealing with a child who has substance abuse problems, especially if s/he is living at home, you can feel like your whole world has been turned upside down.

Sometimes, the most challenging and painful outcome is that your adult child refuses to get help.  Since your child is an adult, you can can't force him to do what you want, and nagging or pleading will often make matters worse.

See my article:  When Someone You Love Rejects Your Help.

If the problem persists, it can jeopardize your relationship.  Before that happens, do what many families before you have done--get help from a licensed therapist to work through this problem.

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.  I am also a certified Substance Abuse Professional.

To find out more about me, visit my web site:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Maintaining a Balanced Life During Early Recovery

Early recovery can be challenging.  It's not unusual for people in early recovery from alcohol or drugs (or other addictive behaviors) to struggle with how to maintain a balance between their recovery activities and life in general.

Maintaining a Balanced Life During Early Recovery

This assumes that individuals are ready to attend 12 Step meetings.  For many people, who have been traumatized emotionally, hearing some of the stories of other people's loss and trauma, can be retraumatizing of them.   For those people, attending therapy with a licensed mental health professional who has expertise with substance abuse and trauma is preferable.

Other people, who are in early recovery and who aren't triggered by going to meetings, are relieved to have a place in 12 Step meetings where they feel understood and they gain a new sense of hope and renewal.


But sometimes, by focusing only on 12 Step meetings, they neglect their primary relationships and responsibilities. The result is that their lives become unbalanced and this often causes conflicts with their families.

Early Recovery Requires Commitment

It's easy to see how things can become so unbalanced.

Early recovery involves a big commitment of time and energy. For many people in early recovery going to 12 Step meetings on a daily basis is the only thing standing in their way to keep them from acting on their cravings for alcohol and/or drugs.

 For them, the 12 Step slogan of "One Day at a Time" might be more like "One Minute at a Time" or "One Second at a Time" as they struggle not to give in to those cravings.

The 12 Step meetings, the fellowship in the meetings, and their sponsors are like life lines. If they're already suffering from substance abuse-related health problems, early recovery activities could be all that's keeping them from death's door.

But the toll this can take on family and close relationships can be huge.

Initially, spouses or partners of people in early recovery are usually so glad that their loved one stopped abusing substances and gotten help. These family members might have been asking and pleading with their loved one to get help for years. But when they see that early recovery activities seem to have taken over their loved one's life, they often feel disappointed and alienated from their loved one.

Whereas before their loved one wasn't available to them because of the substance abuse, now they feel he or she isn't around because of early recovery activities. This can be very disappointing and frustrating. It can lead to arguments as family members ask for more time and attention.

 People in early recovery, in turn, often feel that spouses and family members don't understand. They might begin to shut down emotionally even when they are around their spouses and families. All of this can lead to further alienation and a sense of hopelessness for everyone involved.

Repairing Relationships During Early Recovery

What can be done to repair these relationships and to achieve balance?

Well, to start, the person in early recovery can benefit from talking to people in the 12 Step rooms who have a lot more experience and success in recovery and who have learned to achieve balance in their lives.

Learning to achieve this balance can be a challenge, especially if the person new to recovery might never have led a balanced life before.

A seasoned sponsor can help someone in early recovery to navigate through this challenge to help achieve this balance.

With more experience in recovery, this often happens more easily, as compared to the early stages of recovery.

Spouses and loved ones of people in early recovery can benefit from attending Al-Anon to get support and a sense of hope. Sponsorship is also available to them in Al-Anon.

Getting Help in Therapy
A licensed therapist with expertise in substance abuse and trauma can help clients in recovery to develop the necessary coping skills to maintain a balanced life.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist who provides psychotherapy services to individuals and couples, including contemporary dynamic talk therapy, EMDR, clinical hypnosis, and Somatic Experiencing.

Helping clients with substance abuse and emotional trauma are among my specialities.

To find out more a out me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming Codependency: Focus on Yourself First

If you're a spouse or partner of someone who is actively drinking or drugging, no one has to tell you how difficult life can be. 

Overcoming Codependency

Anxiety about raising your children, paying the bills, and just getting through the day can be an uphill struggle. 

Trying to decide whether to stay in the relationship or go might be ever present in your mind. 

Often, one of the biggest challenges is the effect all of this has on your self esteem. When you don't feel good about yourself, you're less likely to take care of yourself in basic ways. Getting proper rest, eating healthy meals, proper grooming, and feeling entitled to emotional support often all go out the window because you're so focused on what new calamity will happen next because of your spouse.

Overfunctioning for Your Spouse

At this point, you might be so wrapped up in over functioning for your spouse that you don't even realize that you're neglecting yourself. All of this can have serious consequences for your physical health and emotional well-being.

Codependent Behavior Patterns Can Be Very Ingrained

At times, especially if codependent patterns are very ingrained, you might not know where to start. How do you change habits that you've formed over a lifetime? It might seem impossible, but thousands of people just like you have learned to turn their lives around through Al-Anon.

Al-Anon

Al-Anon is a supportive, nonjudgmental self help environment where people share their hope and experience about what has worked for them in their recovery from codependence. There is no advice giving or preaching. People share the tools of the program in terms of what has been helpful to them. In the spirit of Al-Anon, you can "take what you like and leave the rest," which means you are free to accept or reject either part or all that has been shared. There's also an opportunity for sponsorship for additional support.

In Al-Anon, people don't pretend they have all the answers. Codependent issues might still be a struggle for many, but they are still committed to the Al-Anon process.

Getting Help to Overcome Codependency

As a psychotherapist, I've worked with many spouses and partners of people who have substance abuse problems, and many of them have benefited from the tools they gained in Al-Anon, which is why I usually recommend it.

No one can tell you what's right for you in your life. Whether you stay or leave your relationship is up to you. But, whatever you decide, it's important to get the emotional support that you need and deserve so you can take care of yourself first.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist. I provide psychotherapy services, including talk therapy, EMDR, clinical hypnosis, and Somatic Experiencing to adults. 

I work with individuals and couples, and I've helped many people to overcome codependency issues.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also see my articles:
Al-Anon: Beyond Reciting Slogans

Getting to Know the Only Person You Can Change: Yourself

Ambivalence and Codependence in the Mother-Daughter Relationship

Early Recovery: You've Stopped Drinking. Now What?

Early recovery can be a challenging time for a person struggling with alcoholism and his or her family. Putting the alcohol down is a positive step which, in itself, can be difficult.

Early Recovery: You've Stopped Drinking. Now What?

For many people, who suffer with alcoholism, alcohol represents a "friend" who is always there to comfort and soothe. The thought of giving up drinking can be very scary during the early stages of recovery. But, beyond that, once you've made the decision to stop drinking, you'll need emotional support and the tools of recovery to help you cope with the challenges that most people face when they're newly sober.

So, what are the challenges of early recovery? 
Well, to start, once you're newly sober, you might find that drinking might have been a maladaptive way of self medicating depression, anxiety or other emotional problems. Alcohol might have done a "good job" of masking a mood disorder that is now more readily apparent.

Early Recovery: You've Stopped Drinking.  Now What?

Early on, when you first experience the discomfort of these feelings, you might be tempted to pick up again. But, before you do, recognize that many people have successfully stopped drinking and have learned new ways of coping with an underlying mood disorder that was masked by excessive drinking.

During early recovery, don't try to go it alone:
Aside from psychotherapy, getting social support in Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) or Rational Recovery is often the first best step in getting help to overcome the challenges of early recovery. Meeting other people, who have successfully navigated through the challenges of early recovery and who maintain their sobriety, can feel like a life line. "One Day At A Time" is not just an empty slogan--it's an important coping strategy. Getting phone numbers from A.A. members, reading the literature, attending meetings on a regular basis, and getting a sponsor are all important aspects in recovery.

Psychotherapy with a therapist who has expertise in early recovery can be helpful in dealing with the underlying emotional issues that often come to the surface when you stop drinking. An experienced therapist can help you to learn new coping skills to overcome a mood disorder and face life's challenges as a newly sober person. Beyond psychotherapy, you might need medication for a period of time to help you with the biochemical changes to the brain that alcoholism often causes.

Repairing your relationships:

Once you've stopped drinking, you and your loved ones might need to repair your relationships. Your spouse and children might be very happy that you've put down the alcohol, but they might also have resentments for the emotional damage that has been done by your drinking. Making amends isn't easy, but it's an important part of recovery. It's important to listen to what your family has to say and to take responsibility for your actions. Repairing these relationships begins by listening in an non-defensive way, not making excuses, and then expressing a heartfelt apology. Repair doesn't happen over night. You'll need to regain your family's trust over time. But taking these first steps are crucial.

Early Recovery: Repairing Your Relationships 

Beyond that, even though your spouse might have wanted you to get sober, when you do become sober, this is a change for you and your family. Change, even positive change, can be difficult and stressful. For instance, when you were actively drinking, your spouse might have been the one to make major decisions about money or child rearing. But now that you're sober, you want to participate in the decision making. For your spouse, sharing these responsibilities with you now, after years of doing this on her or his own, isn't easy. And you might need to develop certain skills that you missed developing while you were actively drinking.

Al-Anon for family members:

I usually recommend that spouses of people in alcohol recovery attend Al-Anon to get their own support. It's easy to under estimate the challenges of this stage in a relationship. Developing internal resources, coping skills, learning to overcome codependent behavior, and getting social support are part of what Al-Anon is all about. A relationship is a two-way street. Often, it's easy to point the finger of blame on the person struggling with alcoholism. It's usually harder to see the role of the spouse in this dynamic.

The rewards of getting sober:

The challenges of early recovery can be difficult but not insurmountable. The rewards that come with living life as a sober person usually outweigh the challenges. A healthy sense of pride, an increase in self esteem, and an overall sense of well-being are among the benefits you can experience when you decide to stop drinking and get healthy.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist. 

I provide psychotherapy services to individuals and couples, including talk therapy, hypnotherapy, EMDR, and Somatic Experiencing.

I have worked with many individuals and couples to help them to successfully overcome addictive and codependent behavior.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also see my article:
Asking for Forgiveness: The Power of Making Amends