Working on Emotional Blocks in Therapy

An emotional block can sabotage therapy for even the most motivated psychotherapy client.  Most people who come to therapy experience some degree of ambivalence about change, even when the change is something that they really want.  But an emotional block isn't just about ambivalence.

Working on Emotional Blocks in Therapy

What Are Emotional Blocks?
Emotional blocks usually develop due to past negative experiences and unresolved emotions.   This includes emotional trauma.  Emotional blocks are usually unconscious self-limiting beliefs that can lead to self sabotage.

They are part of unconscious defense mechanisms that people use (without realizing it) to ward off their fears.

These blocks usually involve some aspect of a client's belief about him or herself that can undermine the therapy if the therapist and client don't realize what's going on and work to help the client overcome this distorted belief.

Examples of Emotional Blocks:
"I don't deserve to be happy."
"I'm an unlovable person."
"Feeling good is selfish."
"I'm a bad person and I deserve to suffer."
" I should put everyone else's needs before my own."

Identifying Emotional Blocks in Therapy
Listening for emotional blocks often requires a therapist to be attuned to the underlying, unconscious content that the client communicates in sessions.

Sometimes, the content of what's communicated by the client isn't hidden at all--it can be stated in a direct way, like the examples that I've given above.

There are also other ways that a therapist can detect emotional blocks in clients.

So, for instance, when clients come to see me for a psychotherapy consultation, I usually ask them if they've been in therapy before and what their experiences in therapy have been.

When clients tell me that they've been to many different therapists, but no one has been able to help them at all, I know that there can be many different reasons for this:

• On the one hand, there could have been a mismatch between client and these therapists; the therapists might have lacked the skills to help the client with the particular problem; a client might have left therapy too soon before completing the work, and so on.

• On the other hand, I'm also aware that the problem could involve an emotional block that keeps the client stuck and undermines the therapy.

As the treatment unfolds with each client, the origin of the problem usually becomes apparent.

Why Is It Important to Work Through Emotional Blocks in Therapy?
If the problem is an emotional block, it's important that it is identified and worked through or the client will probably remain stuck and, as I mentioned earlier, the work in therapy will be undermined.

In many cases, when emotional blocks go undetected, the therapy can feel like it keeps looping around in a circle without progress.

In my next article, Overcoming Emotional Blocks in Therapy, I address these issues with a composite case to show how emotional blocks develop and how therapists, who are skilled in dealing with these blocks, can help clients to overcome them.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you think you're stuck because of an emotional block, you could benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional who is skilled in helping clients to overcome these blocks.

Getting Help in Therapy

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs About Yourself

Our core beliefs about ourselves and others often have a profound unconscious effect on how we live our lives and the choices that we make. These core beliefs are usually formed early in life. It's important to understand these beliefs so that we can understand how they are impacting our lives and we can decide if we want to change them.

Overcoming Self-Limiting Core Beliefs

Listening for Core Beliefs in Psychotherapy Sessions
When I'm in psychotherapy sessions with clients, especially early in treatment, I listen for their core beliefs in our discussions. These beliefs are often stated in indirect ways.

For instance, if a client is talking about feeling lonely, about not being in a relationship for many years and that she has no desire to be in a relationship but she doesn't want to be lonely either, I would want to know more about her prior experiences in relationships. If she tells me that her last breakup 10 years ago occurred because of "the usual problems that women have with men," I would want to know more about what this means to her. If I ask her about it and she tells me, "You know, the usual reasons why most relationships don't work out with men--he cheated on me."

Exploration of Self-Limiting Core Beliefs in Psychotherapy
As we explore this further, I might learn that this client believes it's inevitable that men cheat on women, they can't be trusted, so it's pointless to get involved in relationships because it will only bring pain and sorrow.

As we continue to explore this, she might tell me about all of her other relationships where her boyfriends cheated on her, as well as her friends' relationships where the men cheated, and her parents' relationship. She might say something like, "My father had a lot of other women on the side. It made me so angry that my mother put up with it. I vowed to myself that I'd never put up with a man cheating on me, but every man that I've ever been with has cheated. Men are like dogs, so, it's better to not even be in a relationship".

This exploration has revealed a few self-limiting core beliefs about men and, possibly, about herself. One core belief is that all men cannot be trusted. So, starting from that premise it's clear that she has low expectations of men in relationships. Her expectation is that it's inevitable that if she's in a relationship with a man, she'll be hurt. So, based on this belief, in her mind her choices are to either get hurt or to be lonely. When she was younger, she was willing to try to be in relationships, even though she had low expectations. But time after time, she got hurt. So, she decided that it's better to be lonely than to get hurt. But that makes her feel unhappy too, so neither choice has worked out for her, which is what brought her to therapy in the first place.

Another possible unconscious core belief might be that she doesn't deserve to be treated well. So, if, as the client continues to come to therapy sessions, she talks about how her father often told her when she was growing up that she was "nothing," then we might begin to understand why, on an unconscious level, she internalized this, why she tended to choose men who would mistreat her and confirm these beliefs that she internalized about herself as well as her beliefs about men and relationships in general.

Self-Limiting Core Beliefs due to Trauma
These kinds of self-limiting core beliefs are usually formed in early traumatic experiences, not necessarily one big trauma, but repeated trauma over time. For the client described above, she might not even see the trauma related to her father repeatedly telling her that she was "nothing." She might say, "I didn't have any trauma when I was growing up. Nobody beat me. My father said these things to me and that's just the way it was. You know, that's just how men are." So, the experiences and the resulting beliefs are deeply ingrained in this client.

She believes she has a lot of "proof" that substantiates her way of thinking and rather than seeing these beliefs as her feelings and opinions, she sees them as "facts." As such, they become self fulfilling prophecies. She believes she doesn't deserve to be treated well, men are always unfaithful so, on an unconscious level, she chooses men that will confirm her beliefs about herself, men, and relationships.

For many clients, it takes a while to be able to step back from their core beliefs to be able to examine them. But when they are able to do this, it can be a very powerful experience. It often comes as a revelation to them that they've been operating under certain assumptions that they believed to be facts. If they're able to step back and explore the basic premises of their beliefs, it can open up many new possibilities in their lives.

So, for example, in the fictitious case above, which represents a composite of many different clients, this client can continue to hold on to her core beliefs about herself, men, and relationships in general, and continue to feel that she's caught between two unsatisfactory choices--pain or loneliness. In that case, she would live out the rest of her life being driven by these self-limiting core beliefs, living a sad and lonely life. Or, if she is willing, she can question her core beliefs, despite all the "proof" that she might feel she has, explore the origins of these beliefs and discover her own self fulfilling patterns that continue to perpetuate these beliefs.

At that point, she can begin to become more aware of the type of men that she chooses (i.e., men who will confirm her beliefs) and start to learn in therapy how to choose men who will treat her better. If she's able to do this, she will be able to free herself from her personal history and live a happier life.

It's essential to our happiness and sense of well being that we question our self-limiting core beliefs about ourselves as well as others, and recognize that we might be living our lives under a set of beliefs that limit our possibilities and make us unhappy. When we're able to challenge our self-limiting core beliefs, we can begin to free ourselves so that we can live more fulfilling lives.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

I have helped many clients to overcome self-limiting core beliefs so that they can lead more fulfilling lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To make an appointment, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Are Your Core Beliefs Keeping You Stuck in Your Life?

As a psychotherapist in New York City, I often see clients who have core beliefs about themselves and about life that keep them stuck in their lives. Many times these are unconscious beliefs that they don't even realize they have until they begin psychotherapy and we begin to explore why they're not where they want to be in their lives.

Are Your Core Beliefs Keeping You Stuck?

One such common belief that often keeps people feeling stuck or trapped in habitual ways of responding to life is "I have to put other people's needs first." 

This is the type of underlying belief or attitude that often goes unrecognized until people come to therapy.

The following vignette, which is a fictionalized composite of many different cases with all identifying information changed, illustrates how underlying core beliefs about can keep you feeling stuck in your life:

Mary:

When Mary first started coming to therapy, she felt frustrated and discouraged about her life. At age 35, she wasn't where she hoped to be in her life. Having completed graduate school more than 10 years before, she hoped to be further along in her career. Instead, she was stuck in a low-level supervisory job while she watched her peers get promotions throughout the years to senior managerial positions. She knew she was just as capable as they were, but she remained stuck in the same job while their careers were taking off.

In her personal life, she had hoped to be married with a couple of children by the time she was in her 30s, but she kept having one unfulfilling relationship after another. At the point when she started therapy, she wasn't in a relationship, and she felt discouraged about the prospect of getting married.

As we began to explore Mary's underlying beliefs and attitudes, it became apparent that one of Mary's beliefs was that she had to put other people's needs before her own. Raised in a devoutly religious home, Mary was taught that putting your own needs first was self and wrong. Without realizing it, she learned to sacrifice her own emotional needs so she could please others. This belief showed up over and over with family members, friends, colleagues, and especially in romantic relationships. She never learned to say, "No" when almost anything was asked of her. It was mo wonder she was exhausted and felt stuck.

At work, she often gave her colleagues and bosses ideas that they presented as their own without giving Mary credit for them. She thought of this as just helping them out without realizing that she was sacrificing her chances for recognition. It was such an ingrained pattern that, at first, Mary didn't see it.

In her personal relationships with friends and men she dated, she was always too ready to put her other people's emotional needs before her own. If there was any type of conflict, she would be the first to apologize and take the blame for the problem. She was barely aware of her own needs, and people frequently took advantage of her. Even when she did recognize that the other person was being unkind or selfish, due to her attitude that other people's needs must come first, she pushed down these feelings. It was more important for her to see herself as being "a good person" by taking care of others than taking care of herself.

As we continued to work together, Mary developed an increasing self awareness as to how she would sabotage herself in her personal and work-related relationships. At first, she was confused about what to do about it. Her belief that she was "a good person" was very much tied in with gratifying others and neglecting herself. It took a lot of work in therapy, even after she became aware that her lifelong belief was keeping her trapped in her life, for her to change. She had to learn that she could still be "a good person" and put her own needs first. Then, even more difficult, she had to learn to put this into practice.

Ingrained beliefs and attitudes about yourself and how you "should" be in the world can be difficult to change. It often forces you to question and challenge long-held beliefs and family traditions. Your loved ones, who are accustomed to your behaving in a certain way, might not like these changes. It can be an uphill battle within yourself and with others.

What motivated Mary to change is that we clearly defined where she wanted to be in her personal life and in her career. With clearly defined goals as her guide, she was able to start looking at and letting go of beliefs and attitudes that were keeping her from achieving her goals. She started by learning to say "No" to unreasonable requests from friends and family members. Progress with this type of change is rarely linear. So, it was to be expected that there would be some back sliding along the way. But, overall, Mary made progress. She was amazed, at first, at how much more energy she had when she wasn't saying "Yes" to everyone's needs.

At work, Mary began putting her ideas in writing to her bosses rather than giving them away to colleagues or allowing others to take credit for them. She was an intelligent and creative thinker. Over time, she began to get the recognition she deserved, and she was soon promoted.

With regard to her romantic life, as she began to feel she was more deserving, she also began to make better choices in men. Whereas she used to choose men who tended to be selfish and narcissistic, she now chose men who were more empathetic to her needs. After a year or so, she met the man who would become her husband and the father of her child. She was still challenged from time to time, especially when it came to balancing her needs with her family's needs but, overall, she made a lot of progress in this area.

Looking at how your core beliefs might be keeping you feeling stuck and trapped in your life isn't easy. Letting go of beliefs and changing your attitude is even more challenging. But if you want to live a more fulfilling life, being willing to change is vital.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist who provides psychotherapy to individuals and couples, including dynamic talk therapy, EMDR, clinical hypnosis, and Somatic Experiencing.

I am certified in mind-body oriented psychotherapy.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.