Overcoming Philophobia: A Fear of Falling in Love

This article focuses on philophobia (a fear of falling in love) and how you can overcome this debilitating fear (see my article: An Emotional Dilemma: Wanting and Dreading Love). 

What is Philophobia?

The word philophobia comes from Greek. Philos means loving and phobos is fear.

Philophobia: A Fear of Falling in Love

Philophobia, which is a type of phobia, is not in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM), the manual used by psychotherapists to diagnose mental health disorders. However, the term philophobia describes a dynamic that therapists often see in clients who have experienced trauma or a history of difficult relationships.

People who suffer with philophobia often have a fear of being in a relationship or being able to maintain a relationship.

Fear of falling in love exists on a continuum.  Some people go through temporary periods in their lives when they feel too emotionally vulnerable to allow themselves to be open to love.

This temporary fear can occur after a traumatic breakup or another traumatic experience that creates fear of vulnerability. Over time, often with the help in therapy and a wish to overcome the loneliness, these people can overcome their fear so they can open up to the possibility of love

Other people, who have a more intense fear of falling in love, have difficulty even allowing themselves to meet potential romantic partners. They might even tell themselves they want to be "independent," which is often a pseudo independeance, so they live lonely and isolated lives (ee my article: Emotional Vulnerability as a Pathway to Greater Intimacy and Emotional Connection).

Note: Philophobia is different from people who aromantic, which means they experience little to no romantic feelings for others.

What Causes Philophobia?

Fear of falling in love can have many potential causes including (but not limited to):

• Traumatic Childhood Experiences: This can include a family history of feeling unlovable or experiencing emotional neglect as a child. It can also include a family history where a child's normal need for love and emotional nurturance was shamed by parents who were also fearful of emotional vulnerability (see my article: How Unresolved Trauma Can Affect Your Ability to Be in Adult Romantic Relationships).

• Previous Difficult Romantic Relationships: People who have a history of difficult or traumatic romantic relationships can develop a fear of allowing themselves to trust and open up to love again. This is often related to having early experiences in childhood where they felt unloved so that they continue to unconsciously choose people who will disappoint or abandon them.

• Cultural Pressure: People who are part of cultures that favor marriage at a young age with the focus on practicality and less of a focus on love can develop a fear of the emotional vulnerability involved with falling in love.  Also people who are different from their mainstream culture (e.g., LGBTQ+) often feel pressure to conform to cultural norms because they don't want to be shunned by their family, cultural or religious group.

What Are Common Signs of Philophobia?

The signs related to philophobia can be different for different people, however there are certain common telltale signs including (but not limited to):

• Persistent fear of love that lasts approximately six months or longer

Philophobia: A Fear of Falling in Love

• Intense anxiety or fear of emotional vulnerability in a relationship

• Intense anxiety or fear which make someone fearful of giving or receiving love

• Symptoms interfere with someone's ability to enter into and/or maintain a relationship

What Are Potential Complications to Philophobia?

Living a lonely and isolated life can have serious physical and mental health repercussions including (but not limited to):

• Anxiety

• Panic Attacks

• Complex Trauma or PTSD

• Depression

• Insomnia

• Erectile Dysfunction

• Substance Misuse and other addictive or compulsive disorders

• Other Chronic Health Problems

How to Overcome Philophobia?

As mentioned above, philophobia develops from a difficult and often traumatic history.

Overcoming philophobia involves getting help from a licensed mental health professional who is a trauma therapist and who can help you to manage your current symptoms as well as get to the root of your problem.

There are various forms of trauma therapy including:

• EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

• AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy)

• Somatic Experiencing
  

• Ego States Therapy (also known as Parts Work)

• Hypnotherapy (also known as Clinical Hypnosis)
  

• Other Types of Experiential Therapy 

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

There are many people who live their whole lives with philophobia and never get help. They often live lonely and isolated lives which they regret at the end of their lives.

Getting Help in Trauma Therapy

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help in trauma therapy.

A skilled trauma therapist can help you to overcome your fear so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, Somatic Experiencing and Sex Therapist.

I am a trauma therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Getting Help in Therapy For Anxiety

It's not unusual to experience stress during the normal course of our lives. Normal stress occurs in every day life and can actually help us to be more effective and productive at times. However, compared to mild stress, an anxiety disorder such as generalized anxiety, panic disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, phobias or post-traumatic stress disorder can cause us to feel significant and debilitating distress. Without help, these anxiety disorders can interfere with our relationships and our every day activities (see my articles: Self Help Tips For Coping With Anxiety and What is the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety?).

Getting Help in Therapy for Anxiety

Common Forms of Anxiety

The following list includes some of the most common forms of anxiety:

• Generalized anxiety disorder: Generalized anxiety disorder occurs when a person worries excessively and has a feeling of foreboding and dread that bad things are going to happen. He or she might be worrying excessively about issues like money, health, or his or her relationship. These worries are often not related to a particular circumstance in the present, and they are recurring and persistent. These worries are also intense enough to interfere with a person's relationships and daily activities. He or she might have problems concentrating or sleeping. Generalized anxiety might affect appetite. These persistent worries might interfere with a person's ability to communicate or relate to others because he or she is so consumed with anxiety.

• Panic disorder: People with panic disorder often feel a sudden feeling of dread. Their heart might start racing. They might also start sweating profusely. The actual panic might only last a few minutes, but the person with panic disorder often worries about when the next panic will occur. Often, people with panic disorder start to avoid the situations, places or people that they associate with their panic. Without treatment, the people, places and situations that they avoid can increase until, in severe cases, they are too afraid to go outside (see my article: Tips For Coping With Panic Disorder).

• Phobias: Phobias are irrational fears of various things: fear of heights, fear of animals, fear of being in enclosed places, fear of flying, and so on. Similar to people with panic disorder, people who suffer with phobias often try to avoid the situations and things that they fear. This is not always possible, so when they are forced to deal with their phobia, their phobic reaction often turns into panic (see my article: What Are Phobias?).

• Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD): People who suffer with OCD engage in certain obsessive thoughts or compulsive activities. These obsessive thoughts and compulsive activities are unwanted, but the person with OCD feels compelled to do them when they feel anxious. For many people, these thoughts or activities become ritualized, so that they might have to do things in a certain order or a certain way or a certain number of times. OCD can also involve an excessive fear of germs or contamination, excessive checking (e.g., checking that the door is locked several times in a row or checking many times in a row that the gas is turned off, etc). OCD can also involve excessive hand washing.

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): People who experience overwhelming trauma, possibly due to a natural disaster, a crime, a combat situation, an accident or other emotionally overwhelming events, can develop PTSD. We often associate PTSD with soldiers in war. Originally, PTSD during combat was called "shell shock." However, we now know that PTSD can develop outside of combat situations. People who develop PTSD might not experience any symptoms for months or even years after the event. Anything that reminds them of the traumatic event might cause them to feel like they're reliving the original traumatic event. They might feel panic or intense fear whenever they are confronted with reminders. For instance, if someone gets into a severe car accident, after he recovers from the accident, he might be too afraid to drive again. Or, even if he is able to get behind the wheel again, he might experience feelings of terror and dread if he has to drive to the same place where the accident occurred. Without help, PTSD can be a severe and debilitating disorder that can seriously affect a person's life as he or she relives the incident emotionally and tries to avoid anything that brings up these feelings again (see my article: Postttraumatic Growth).

Getting Help for Anxiety Disorders:
Anxiety disorders are not the same as normal stress and every day anxiety. Left untreated, anxiety disorders often have serious adverse effects on people's lives. It's not unusual for a fear that begins about a particular situation or event to generalize to other areas, causing tremendous disruption to a person's life.

For instance, if a person has an untreated fear of being in an elevator because it is an enclosed space, this fear often generalizes to fear of being on a train or plane or in a small room. Since we now know more about the mind-body connection, we also know that untreated anxiety disorders can often lead to medical problems. We also know that some people with anxiety disorders turn to drinking excessively, abusing drugs, gambling, sexual addiction, and other addictions as a maladaptive way of coping.

How I Treat Anxiety Disorders:
As a licensed psychotherapist in New York City, I use a variety of psychotherapeutic treatment modalities to treat anxiety disorders, including psychodynamic psychotherapy, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), clinical hypnosis (also known as hypnotherapy), Somatic Experiencing, Ego States work (also known as Parts Work) and AEDP.

Each therapy is tailored to the needs of the individual client.

After the initial evaluation, I work collaboratively with the client to come up with the treatment plan that is best for him/her/them.

If you think you might be suffering with an anxiety, it's important to know that you're not alone and you can get help from a licensed mental health professional.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who has helped many clients to overcome anxiety disorders (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

What Are Phobias and How Do They Develop?

In my prior two articles, I discussed the difference between fear and anxiety and panic attacks (see my articles:  What is the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety? and Tips For Coping With Panic Attacks).  In this article, I'm focusing on phobias.

What Are Phobias and How Do They Develop?

What is a Phobia?
A phobia is an excessive, irrational and persistent fear of an object or a situation. Most of the time, people who have phobias know consciously that their fear is irrational, but since the fear is in their unconscious minds, it can make little or no difference in terms of the way they feel.

There are many different types of phobias: fear of closed in places, fear of heights, fear of dogs, fear of injections, fear of flying, social phobia, and so on.

How Do Phobias Develop?
Phobias usually develop by some triggering event, which might not be obvious at the time when it occurs.

Phobias are debilitating and, depending on what the phobia is, it often has an adverse effect on a person's personal and work life.

For example, if a person has a fear of flying, and travel is a big part of his job, he will experience a lot of anxiety and possibly panic attacks when he has to travel for business. The same would be true if he had to fly for a family vacation.

There is often a genetic component with phobias.

Conclusion

Overcoming a phobia can be challenging.  That is why it's important for you to get help from a licensed psychotherapist.

Getting Help in Therapy to Overcome a Phobia
Clinical hypnosis is one of the best ways of treating phobias, because hypnotherapy works with the unconscious mind (see my article: What is Clinical Hypnosis?).

Once you're no longer struggling with a phobia, you will live your life with a greater sense of well-being.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who provides Integrative Psychotherapy (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy.

I have helped many clients to overcome phobias.

To find out more about me, please visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming Phobias with Clinical Hypnosis

In my last post, I explored what phobias are and how they develop.

Now, I would like to discuss hypnotherapy as an effective treatment for people with phobias.

When I work with a client who has a phobia, I will usually ask if the client is aware of the triggering event that caused the phobia. This is helpful to know, but not absolutely necessary. So, for instance, if a client has a fear of riding in an elevator, I would explore with the client when this fear began and how it began. If possible, I would also like to know what it was like for this client to ride in elevators before the fear developed. Phobic reactions don't always develop because of a person's direct experience. Sometimes, phobias develop because a person witnessed the phobic reaction of someone close to them. As an example, if a client has a fear of dogs, it is possible that she might have witnessed her father get bitten by a dog. Even if she did not witness this incident directly, her father might have talked to her about his fear and, without realizing it, he might have communicated this fear in a deep way to his daughter so that she took on the fear. Whatever caused the phobia, the fear has been repressed in the unconscious mind.

How Can Clinical Hypnosis Help?
Clinical hypnosis, also known as hypnotherapy, deals with the unconscious mind where the cause of the phobia lies. There are many myths about hypnosis. Contrary to one of the myths, you should know that clients who receive hypnotherapy treatment are in control at all times. They are awake and maintain dual awareness of the here-and-now and everything going on around them as well as what they are feeling in the hypnotic state. No one can force them to do anything that they don't want to do. I discuss this in more detail in an earlier post ("What is Clinical Hypnosis?").

Regardless of the type of phobia, the goal of hypnotherapy treatment is to desensitize the client to the fear and provide the client with his or her own internal resources. With effective hypnotherapy, the mind processes the phobia so that the client no longer responds with fear and panic. If the phobia is not complex and the client is motivated, he or she can overcome the phobia in several sessions. If the phobia is more complex and if the client experiences frequent panic attacks and phobic reactions, it can take longer.

What to Do?
Don't suffer on your own with phobias. Phobias usually don't go away by themselves. Get professional mental health treatment from a hypnotherapist. Effective treatment can help you to overcome your phobia and improve the quality of your life.

I am a psychotherapist and hypnotherapist in NYC.

To find out more about me, visit my web site: http://www.josephine-ferraro.com.

Feel free to call me at (212) 726-1006 to schedule a consultation.