Working Through Past Unresolved Trauma So It No Longer Affects You in the Present

In my recent articles, Global Pandemic Causes Significant Increase in Anxiety and Depression and How to Increase Your Tolerance For Uncertainty to Reduce Your Anxiety, I began addressing the psychological impact of the pandemic and how to cope with it. 

Working Through Unresolved Trauma Doesn't Impact the Present

In the current article, I'm focusing on how to work through past unresolved trauma so it no longer affects current uncertainties and anxiety (see my article: Reacting to the Present Based on Your Traumatic Past).

Increased Stress and Anxiety About Routine Decisions

While uncertainty has always been a fact of life, the COVID-19 pandemic has significantly  increased uncertainty and anxiety for many people (see my article: Common Reactions to the Pandemic: Fear and Anxiety).

This includes making what used to be considered routine decisions--like whether or not to dine out, take public transportation, go to the gym, go to the office, visit elderly relatives, go on vacation, and so on (see my article: Coping With Pandemic Reentry Anxiety).

Due to the health risks involved, especially for people with underlying health conditions, and the uncertainty about the future of the pandemic, many people find it stressful and anxiety-inducing to tolerate this ongoing uncertainty.

The Impact of Unresolved Psychological Trauma on Tolerance for Uncertainty and Anxiety

People who have a history of unresolved psychological trauma, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), are especially vulnerable to increased stress and anxiety.

Although many people find it challenging to deal with pandemic-related anxiety, people with unresolved trauma are attempting to deal with the current uncertainties as well as the emotional triggers related to their past.

Clinical Vignette: How Unresolved Trauma Impacts Tolerance For Uncertainty and Anxiety

Let's take a look at a clinical vignette about the impact of unresolved trauma on current uncertainties and anxiety and how trauma therapy can help.  As always, this case is a composite of many different cases with all identifying information removed to preserve confidentiality.

Mark

People who knew Mark professionally in his role as a successful sales executive saw him as a calm, confident, agreeable individual.  

His superiors, colleagues and customers praised his work.  But underneath his seemingly calm and confident exterior, Mark was often plagued with doubts and insecurities most people didn't see.  

Although he appeared outwardly confident, inwardly he often felt like an impostor, and he feared others would see just how insecure he felt much of the time.  

To try to alleviate his anxiety, Mark confided in his wife, Pam, and his closest friends. And most of the time he felt relieved for a while.  But by March 2020, when his office closed due to the COVID-19 pandemic without any certainty it would reopen, no amount of reassurance from his loved ones helped Mark to feel better.  

He felt so overwhelmed by anxiety that he had difficulty sleeping at night.  And when he finally fell asleep, he often had pandemic-related nightmares (see my article: How to Conquer Your Nightmares).

Even daily activities, like grocery shopping, household chores or paying bills, felt emotionally fraught for him.

Although Mark and Pam both had successful careers and substantial savings, he worried relentlessly that they could be wiped out financially and lose their home.  Usually Pam could help Mark to calm down, but that changed at the start of the pandemic.  

No matter what she said to reassure him that they had the financial resources to get through whatever came, Pam was unable to get through to Mark.  She had never seen him like this before during their 10 year marriage and she was concerned.

Pam was aware that Mark had overcome a childhood filled with adversity to become financially successful.  But she also knew this same history often left Mark feeling emotionally vulnerable at times--never more so than at the start of the pandemic.

Realizing Mark's childhood history of emotional neglect and upheaval was getting stirred up for him and making his life unmanageable, Pam suggested he seek help from a psychotherapist who was a trauma specialist (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

During the history taking phase of therapy, his therapist learned from Mark that he grew up as an only child in a chaotic home environment where his parents could barely cope most of the time.  

Since they couldn't cope, his parents were unable to help Mark cope with anxiety.  They also had their own unresolved childhood trauma that was affecting them in the present circumstances (see my article: Intergenerational Trauma).

As a result, as a child, Mark had to try to cope as best he could on his own.  Not only was Mark unable to depend on his parents for emotional support, but he was often in the role of trying to calm his distraught mother when the father disappeared for weeks during one of his unpredictable alcohol binges (see my article: Children's Roles in Dysfunctional Families).

Although Mark did the best he could in his parentified role of being emotionally supportive to his mother, his efforts came at a high emotional cost to himself.  This included stress-related headaches as well as debilitating anxiety which none of the adults in his family or at his school seemed to recognize.

By the time he was a teenager, Mark was often in the role of pleading with the landlord not to evict them for rent arrears because his father was often out of work and his mother was too distraught to deal with the family finances.

Uncertainty and anxiety was a part of Mark's everyday life as a child until he was able to get away to college.  By then, his father had sobered up, the family finances were stable, and his mother was coping better with the relative calm in the household.  But the history of adversity had taken its toll on Mark so that he frequently felt insecure and anxious throughout his life.

As his therapist listened to Mark's history, she could see how this traumatic history was getting triggered in his current life circumstances, so she provided Mark with psychoeducation about it (see my article: When Past Trauma Affects You in the Present).

But his therapist was also aware that insight alone wouldn't be enough to resolve his problems. So, she spoke to him about how experiential therapy could help him to overcome the impact of his unresolved trauma so he could cope with his current circumstances.

Specifically, she talked to him about the effectiveness of a form of trauma therapy called EMDR therapy.  

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (see my article: Experiential Therapy, Like EMDR, Helps to Achieve Emotional Breakthroughs).

As part of preparing to do EMDR therapy, Mark's therapist helped him to develop internal resources and coping strategies (see my articles: Overcoming Trauma With Somatic Experiencing and Using the Somatic Experiencing Technique of Pendulation to Calm Yourself).

These internal resources and coping strategies helped Mark to cope with his uncertainties and anxiety between his therapy sessions.  Although they didn't resolve his problems, they helped him to get by on a day to day basis so that his anxiety no longer spiraled out of control.

Over time, Mark worked on his unresolved childhood trauma so that the uncertainty of the present no longer triggered his past.  

The work was neither quick nor easy, but he made progress (see my article: Working Through Trauma: Separating the Past From the Present).

Like most other people, Mark still had pandemic-related concerns, but he was able to deal with them in a calm, objective way.  In addition, he had a realistic perspective about his current situation.  

Even though he had concerns about his current job, he felt sure he would find another job even in a worst case scenario.  

Trauma From the Past No Longer Gets Triggered in the Present

Whereas before he had insomnia and nightmares, after he worked through his childhood trauma, his sleep was restful and he no longer had nightmares.  And getting proper sleep helped him to stay calm.

Several months later, when Mark was called back to work a few days a week, he adjusted to this new change and looked forward to seeing his colleagues.  

In addition to coping better with pandemic-related uncertainties, Mark no longer felt like an imposter.  He felt genuinely confident in himself. 

Conclusion

Unresolved psychological trauma often gets triggered in the present by current stressors.  It can take its toll emotionally and physically.  

Experiential therapy, like EMDR, helps you to work through unresolved trauma from the past so it no longer affects you in the present (see my article: Why Experiential Therapy is More Effective Than Just Talk Therapy)

This allows you to deal with current uncertainties without the emotional triggers from the past because you're free from your history.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples, and I have helped many clients to overcome unresolved trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How to Conquer Your Nightmares

In my prior article, Common Nightmares During the COVID-19 Global Pandemic, I began a discussion about common nightmares that many people are having during the current pandemic and gave examples of two dreams.  In this article, I'll discuss how you can conquer your nightmares, whether they're pandemic-related or not.  To show you how to do this, I'll be taking one of the dreams from the prior article, deconstructing it and then showing how you can work with it on your own (see my article: How to Overcome Anxiety Dreams).

How to Conquer Your Nightmares

Deconstructing and Working With a Nightmare
I'm choosing Dream 2 (see below) from the prior article as an example of how you can deconstruct and work with a nightmare on your own. So, here's Dream 2:

     Dream 2  - From My Prior Blog Article
I'm a child of 7 or 8 years old. My mother tells me that we have to escape from where we're living to move back to the US.  Only a few close relatives know because it's a secret.  My mother doesn't want her husband, my stepfather, to know that we're running away because he's abusive and we're escaping from him.  I grab whatever I can quickly because we have to get to the airport fast, and I kiss my relatives goodbye.  I don't have time to say goodbye to a male friend, who has been good to me (I'm older in this part of the dream).  So, I try to text him to tell him that I had to leave due to an emergency, but my phone won't work. I know he's going to be hurt that I left suddenly without an explanation, and I feel terrible about this. Then, my mother, brother and I run to the airport to get on a rescue flight that's been arranged for us by the US government to bring us back to the states. Somehow, I get separated from my mother and brother (I'm a young child again in this part of the dream). I don't know which way to go. I'm scared and I call out to my mother, but I don't see her anywhere. Nothing looks or feels familiar, even though I know I've been to this area many times before. I see other people who are also running and I ask them the way to the airport because I'm lost.  They point the way and I run all the way to the airport. Once I get there, I realize I don't have a plane ticket. I call out to my mother again saying that I don't have a plane ticket.  Even though she's still nowhere to be found, a reassuring male voice tells me over the airport public address system that I don't need a plane ticket because this is a special government rescue flight for my family to escape. When I get to security, I realize that I'm not wearing a face mask so I'm not going to be allowed on the flight. I see everyone else around me wearing a face mask, and I look around to see if there's somewhere I can buy as mask (I'm older again in this part of the dream). Then, I realize that I do have a mask, but I've been wearing it on my chin, so I pull it over to cover my nose and mouth.  When I arrive at the gate, I still don't see my mother or brother, but I feel a little calmer because I know I'm going to make the flight and I'll escape from this place.  Somehow, I see the long document that my mother had to fill out to get approval from the government for this rescue flight. I feel badly that I didn't know before about the abuse that my mother endured at the hands of my stepfather.  While I'm waiting for the flight at the gate, I try to text my male friend again. I desperately want to reach him so he won't feel abandoned by me, but my phone still doesn't work. I feel sad that he's going to feel sad and abandoned.

It's pretty clear what makes this dream a nightmare:

• The dreamer, as a child of 7 or 8, has been told that she and her family must escape from a place in a hurry.
• She has to leave immediately without saying goodbye to her male friend, which she feels badly about.
• She loses her mother and brother as they're running to the airport.
• She fears she won't be let on the plane because she doesn't have a plane ticket.
• She fears she won't get past security because she thinks she doesn't have a face mask.
• She reads the long document about her stepfather's abusive behavior towards her mother that her mother had to fill out to get permission to take a special flight, and she feels sad she didn't know about the abuse before.
• She worries that her male friend will feel abandoned by her because she can't tell him that she must leave in a hurry.

At the same time, it's important to notice that there are points along the way where she actually gets help (see the italicized sentences in Dream 2 above), including:

• People who give her directions when she gets lost while trying to get to the airport.
• The reassuring voice that comes over the airport public address system reassuring her that she doesn't need a plane ticket because this is a special flight that has been arranged for her and her family to get away.
• She thinks, at first, that she doesn't have a face mask and then discovers that, in fact she does have one.
• She finally gets to the gate where her flight will be taking off, so she knows, at that point, that she will get away, presumably, she will be reunited with her mother and brother, and so they will all be safe.

     Learning to Do Lucid Dreaming
In a prior article, Transforming Nightmares Through Creative Dreamwork, I discussed lucid dreaming.  Learning how to become lucid (or conscious) during a dream takes practice.  Some people are fascinated by lucid dreaming and they will take the time and make the effort to develop the skill.

Essentially, what you are doing when you have a lucid dream is you're realizing that you're having a dream while you're dreaming.  You remain in the dream and transform the dream to whatever you want it to be (this is explained in more detail in my article above, Transforming Nightmares Through Creative Dreamwork).

The obvious advantage of learning to do lucid dreaming is that you change the dream while you're in the dream as opposed to when you wake up.  The disadvantage (if you see it as a disadvantage) is that, while some people can learn to have lucid dreams with little effort, most people have to make more of an effort to train themselves to have lucid dreams.  So, if you're interested in learning to have lucid dreams, I recommend that you click on the link above for my article on transforming nightmares.  The article includes a recommendation for a book on lucid dreaming.

    Rewriting the Narrative of Your Nightmare and Embodying the Changes
For people who aren't interested in developing the skill to do lucid dreaming and who prefer a simpler and faster way for dealing with nightmares, I suggest rewriting the narrative of your nightmare after you have written down the original dream the way that it occurred:

• Keep a pen and pad by your bedside so you're ready to write down your dreams as soon as you wake up.
• Before you go to sleep, spend a few minutes giving yourself the suggestion that you will remember your dreams.
• When you wake up and you sense that you have had a dream, remain still for a few minutes.  This means that you don't shift around from the position that you're in when you wake up (e.g., if you're lying on your right side when you wake up, don't turn--just stay still).
• Wait a few minutes until the dream comes back to you. You might find that you remember the dream in sections in reverse order.  In other words, you might remember the last part of the dream (the part that occurred closest to waking up) first, and then you might remember the part before that and the part before that, and so on. Also, since we all have at least 4-5 dreams per night depending upon how long you sleep (whether you remember them or not), you will probably remember your dreams in reverse order too.
• Write down whatever you remember from the dream--even if it's just a snippet or an image.  You can still work with a small part of the dream.  Also, it gives your unconscious mind the suggestion that you're interested in your dreams and make it more likely for you to gradually remember more each time you wake up from your dreams.  Over time, if you keep writing down your dreams, you will remember more details.
• After you have written down your dream, rewrite the dream so that it's no longer a nightmare.

So, for example, if you were the dreamer who had Dream 2 (above), you could rewrite the dream however you want to, including:

• Making it easier for the dreamer, the mother and brother to get to the airport together by having a relative drive them there, so they don't have to run to the airport and the dreamer doesn't get separated from the mother and brother.
• A relative or friend could offer the dreamer his or her phone so that the dreamer can contact her male friend rather than the dreamer trying to rely solely on her malfunctioning phone. This will relieve the anxiety that the dreamer has about hurting her male friend's feelings and causing him to feel that he's been abandoned by her.
• Since the dreamer would be with her mother and brother (rather than losing them, as she did in the dream), the mother can reassure both children that they can get on the plane without a plane ticket so that the dreamer doesn't have to go through worrying she doesn't have a plane ticket.
• The mother can reassure the dreamer that they all have the required face masks to get on the flight.
• The dreamer, mother and brother can all be at the gate together ready to get on the plan.

There are many different ways to rewrite Dream 2.  As an alternative, the dreamer can rewrite the dream so that it's not necessary to escape at all, in the following way:

• The mother tells a relative, who is recognized to be a powerful figure in the family, about the stepfather's abusive behavior and this relative confronts the stepfather and tells him that he must stay away from the mother, dreamer and brother.  The stepfather is fearful of this relative so he never bothers the family again.
• The mother reports the abusive stepfather to the police.  They arrest him and he is no longer a threat.
• And so on.

The second part of reworking the dream is to rehearse and embody the rewritten dream (see my article about The Mind-Body Connection and New Symbolic Memories and The Body Offers a Window Into the Unconscious Mind).

In other words, after you have rewritten the original dream so that it's no longer a nightmare, you spend a little time rehearsing the rewritten dream and noticing the emotions that come up for you and where you feel these emotions in your body.

Feeling the emotions and noticing where you feel these emotions in your body will help you to have a stronger sense of the rewritten dream because you're not just writing and reading what you have written, you're also taking the time, in effect, to rewire this revision of the dream using the mind-body connection.

So, for instance, if you choose to have a relative, who is a powerful person in the family, confront the abusive stepfather, after you have written this and read it, you would take a few minutes to notice what emotions come up for you.  Maybe you have a sense of relief and you notice that you feel that in your gut. Or, maybe you feel gratitude for your relative, a sense of empowerment through this relative and you notice that you feel this in your chest.

If you have someone that you tell your dreams to, whether it's a therapist, a friend or a spouse, telling this person the original dream and the rewritten dream will also be helpful.  You will feel less alone with the dream and hearing yourself tell someone else the original dream and the rewritten dream can be a powerful experience.

By rewriting the dream, you're not denying that you had a nightmare.  Instead, you're a way to conquer the nightmare so you have a sense of relief.  It's also an important recognition that you are the author of your dreams and that you can also be the author of your rewritten dreams.

Getting Help in Therapy

Some people can work on nightmares on your own. Many other people are unable to cope with nightmares because these dreams are related to trauma.

The dreamer and the dreamer's family in Dream 2 are trying to get away from an abusive stepfather, which could indicate a history of unresolved trauma if this dream is related to actual events in the dreamer's life (see my article: How Past Trauma Lives on in the Present).

It's not unusual, whether it's during a pandemic or any other time, for people with traumatic histories to have nightmares, including recurring nightmares. 

If you are struggling with nightmares, whether they are related to a history of trauma or not, you're not alone.  You can get help from a licensed psychotherapist, who has experience helping clients to overcome nightmares.

Rather than struggling on your own, seek help from an experienced mental health professional so that you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed New York City psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT, and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Therapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

One of my specialties is helping clients to overcome trauma (see my article: What is a Trauma Therapist?).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Common Nightmares During the COVID-19 Global Pandemic

Have you been having nightmares lately? If so, you're not alone. Pandemic nightmares have been common during this COVID-19 pandemic.  Regardless of age, sex, gender, sexual orientation, or nationality, many people have been having pandemic nightmares, which is the subject of this article (see my articles: How to Overcome Anxiety Dreams).

Common Nightmares During the COVID-19 Global Pandemic

These nightmares are so common that Robert Bosnak, a Jungian analyst in Santa Barbara California, has been offering a free online workshop on Friday nights at 6 PM (PST) during the pandemic called the Spooky Dreams Cafe where he uses Embodied Imagination, a method of dreamwork which he developed, to help some people on the Zoom call with these nightmares (see my article: Dream Incubation: Planting Seeds).

Many people, who lived through the crisis of the 9/11 World Trade Center attack, have reported in therapy that they're having similar nightmares during this time to the ones they had in 2001 and beyond (see my article: Tips For Getting Better Sleep).

Common Themes in Pandemic Nightmares
There are certain themes that are common in these COVID-related nightmares, including (but not limited to):

• Anxiety-related events or circumstances in the dream
• Places, which were once known and familiar, suddenly looking and feeling unfamiliar in the nightmare
• A need to escape or run
• Feeling trapped, helpless and/or lost
• A regression to an earlier age (e.g., an adult dreaming that they're a child again)
• Losing someone or something
• Phones and other gadgets malfunctioning
• Other sudden and inexplicable changes 

Typical Nightmares During the COVID-19 Global Pandemic
The following dreams are typical of the type of dreams people have been having during this COVID-19 crisis (as told to me by friends and used with permission):

Dream 1:
I'm in a classroom, which is taking place in my apartment. The instructor, whom I like, is taking things out of my dresser drawer to show the class. These items include a silk scarf I haven't seen in many years.  At one point, he breaks apart the wooden dresser drawer, and I'm fascinated by this (it seems like a deconstruction of some sort). Then, I notice that there's a similar dresser in the room that remains in tact.  I leave the room to go to the rest room, and when I come back, my laptop is gone. Somehow, I know that the instructor gave it away to one of my classmates, and I'm annoyed that he did this without my permission. I look around for it, but I can't find it. I see a male friend, who is sitting in a far off corner of the room. Then, suddenly, the scene changes: I'm walking around in an area of my neighborhood, not far from my home, where I've been many times before. I know that this place is familiar to me, but it looks and feels eerily unfamiliar.  I know I need to get back to class, but I don't know which way to go because I'm lost.  Then, I see a cab and get in it.  There's a couple, who are on their way home from the airport, who are already in the cab.  I don't know where to tell the cab driver to go because I'm lost, but I'm relieved to be in the cab.  The cab stops because the couple have arrived outside their home. I get out too because I realize it's useless to be in the cab if I don't know where I'm going.  The couple tell me that I have to pay thousands of dollars to them for the short distance that I went with them, and I get angry and tell them that I won't pay.  I know that my male friend is back in the class, he has his car and he would come get me if I call him, but I don't know where I am, so I can't tell him. The scene changes: I'm sitting at an outdoor bar with this same friend and our classmates.  We're all dressed up. I suddenly realize that I forgot that he's much taller than me.  I tell my friend about what just happened (that I was lost) and he's surprised and laughs. I'm feeling much better.  The outdoor bar is up on a bridge that overlooks people's homes down below. These people have shallow outdoor pools in front of their homes.  I tell my friend that we could do that too (we could each have outdoor pools).  Then, as I'm gazing out at the water from the bridge, I tell my friend, "Let's pretend that we're on the Arno Bridge in Florence" and he agrees.

Dream 2:
I'm a child of 7 or 8 years old. My mother tells me that we have to escape from where we're living to move back to the US.  Only a few close relatives know because it's a secret.  My mother doesn't want her husband, my stepfather, to know that we're running away because he's abusive and we're escaping from him.  I grab whatever I can quickly because we have to get to the airport fast, and I kiss my relatives goodbye.  I don't have time to say goodbye to a male friend, who has been good to me (I'm older in this part of the dream).  So, I try to text him to tell him that I had to leave due to an emergency, but my phone won't work. I know he's going to be hurt that I left suddenly without an explanation, and I feel terrible about this. Then, my mother, brother and I run to the airport to get on a rescue flight that's been arranged for us by the US government to bring us back to the states. Somehow, I get separated from my mother and brother (I'm a young child again in this part of the dream). I don't know which way to go. I'm scared and I call out to my mother, but I don't see her anywhere. Nothing looks or feels familiar, even though I know I've been to this area many times before. I see other people who are also running and I ask them the way to the airport because I'm lost.  They point the way and I run all the way to the airport. Once I get there, I realize I don't have a plane ticket. I call out to my mother again saying that I don't have a plane ticket.  Even though she's still nowhere to be found, a reassuring male voice tells me over the airport public address system that I don't need a plane ticket because this is a special government rescue flight for my family to escape. When I get to security, I realize that I'm not wearing a face mask so I'm not going to be allowed on the flight. I see everyone else around me wearing a face mask, and I look around to see if there's somewhere I can buy as mask (I'm older again in this part of the dream). Then, I realize that I do have a mask, but I've been wearing it on my chin, so I pull it over to cover my nose and mouth.  When I arrive at the gate, I still don't see my mother or brother, but I feel a little calmer because I know I'm going to make the flight and I'll escape from this place.  Somehow, I see the long document that my mother had to fill out to get approval from the government for this rescue flight. I feel badly that I didn't know before about the abuse that my mother endured at the hands of my stepfather.  While I'm waiting for the flight at the gate, I try to text my male friend again. I desperately want to reach him so he won't feel abandoned by me, but my phone still doesn't work. I feel sad that he's going to feel sad and abandoned.

A Word About These Nightmares
I'm going to deconstruct these nightmares and discuss how to work with nightmares in my next article but, for now, suffice it to say that both of these dreams have many typical features of anxiety dreams and, specifically, many elements typical of current pandemic nightmares (outlined above at the beginning of this article).

Getting Help in Therapy
Nightmares during times of crisis are often a way for the unconscious mind to work through difficult emotions and reconsolidate traumatic memories.

In addition, these nightmares sometimes reveal underlying unresolved trauma (see my article: Before and After Psychological Trauma).

If you've been having nightmares during this global pandemic, you're not alone.

An experienced psychotherapist, who helps clients during times of crisis and who works with dreams, can help you to understand and heal from nightmares.

Rather than suffering on your own, take the first step by calling a licensed psychotherapist for help.  Being able to work through your fears and nightmares can provide you with relief and allow you to feel more empowered.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article: The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Therapy).

I work with individual adults and couples.

One of my specialties is helping clients to overcome unresolved trauma.

During the global pandemic, like most psychotherapists, I'm providing online therapy, which is also known as teletherapy and telehealth (see my article: The Advantages of Online Therapy When You Can't See Your Therapist in Person).

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

How to Overcome Anxiety Dreams

In prior articles, I've addressed anxiety in its many different forms (see my articles: What is the Difference Between Fear and Anxiety?).  In this article, I'm discussing anxiety dreams and how to cope with them.

How to Overcome Anxiety Dreams

What Are Anxiety Dreams?
Anxiety dreams often involve issues around performance at school or at work, being unprepared for a big event, discovering that you're not wearing clothes in public, and other similar themes.

Anxiety dreams often occur when you're under stress or you've been avoiding a particular situation.  The dreams aren't necessarily about the exact situation that you're stressed out about.

Anxiety Dreams About a Situation You're Avoiding
For instance, if you've been avoiding doing your taxes, you might have a dream that you're back in high school, even though you've been out of high school for many years, and you discover that you're unprepared for a test.  Or, you're about to address an auditorium full of people and as you're standing at the podium, you realize that you forgot to put on your pants. You feel powerless.

How to Overcome Anxiety Dreams

The anxiety dream signals to you that there's something you need to take care of that you've been avoiding.  Your unconscious mind is sending you a message that you need to do something to handle the situation.

Anxiety Dreams About a Stressful Situation
You might also be under a lot of stress about a situation that your fear and the fear spills over into your dreams.

For instance, if you have a project at work where you're feeling in over your head, you might have a dream about waking up late for work and then having problems getting in.  When you get on the train to go to work, its going the wrong way or you get confused about which train to take.

Anxiety Dreams About Unresolved Emotional Problems
Unresolved emotional issues can result in anxiety dreams, especially if these issues continue to get triggered in the present.

For instance, if you have unresolved grief about the loss of your mother, you might have anxiety dreams where your mother shows up in your dream, but she remains far away from you.  No matter what you do to get her attention or to get closer to her, there's some obstacle that gets in your way, and you feel guilty that you're unable to reach her (see my article: Coping With the Loss of a Loved One: Common Reactions).

Another example of having anxiety dreams about unresolved emotional problems might involved unresolved trauma related to emotional abuse that you experienced when you were a child.  You might have a dream where you're trying to get help, but you suddenly can't speak no matter how hard you try.  The more you try to tell the other person that you're being abused, the more confusing it is because you have no voice.

Tips That Can Help You to Overcome Anxiety Dreams

• Have a Wind Down Routine Before Going to Sleep:  Instead of watching the news, reading the newspaper or reading a book that will be overstimulating, have a wind down routine that will be soothing to you.  This might involve taking a soothing bath, listening to soothing music, meditating, doing breathing exercises or doing whatever helps to relax you (see my articles: Wellness: Safe Place Meditation, Self Soothing Techniques to Use When You're Under Stress and Learning to Relax: Square Breathing).

• Get Curious About Your Dreams:  Rather than brushing off the dream when you wake up and realize that you were dreaming, get curious about the meaning of your dream.  Ask yourself how your dream might relate to problems in your life now or unresolved problems from the past (see my article: Dream Analysis: Are You Fascinated By Your Dreams? and Dreams and Embodied Imagination).

• Write Down Your Dreams:  Have a pad and pen close to the bed and write down your dreams as soon as you wake up.  Don't rely on your memory to remember the dream later because chances are good that you'll forget your dream.

• Notice Any Patterns in Your Dreams: When you're able to look at the dreams that you've written down, you can see if there are any patterns to your dreams.  Are you have recurring dreams?

• Rewrite Your Dreams With the Ending That You Want:  Rewriting your dreams with a different ending gives your unconscious mind the signal that you want to deal with the underlying issues. It also helps you to feel empowered (see my article: Transforming Nightmares Through Creative Dreamwork and Empowering Yourself When You Feel Disempowered).

• Take Action on Issues You're Avoiding or Stressed Out About: If you've been avoiding dealing with a particular problem and you're having anxiety dreams, your unconscious mind is probably sending you a signal in your dreams that you need to take action.  If you can begin taking positive steps to resolve the problem, you're probably going to feel less anxious and the anxiety dreams might stop.

Getting Help in Therapy
If the self help tips above don't help you, you would probably benefit from getting help in therapy to deal with unresolved issues that you're unable to resolve on your own (see The Benefits of Psychotherapy).

A skilled psychotherapist can help you to discover the underlying issues that cause you to have anxiety dreams and also help you to work through these unresolved problems (see my article: How to Choose a Psychotherapist).

Recurring anxiety dreams can be frustrating and frightening.  Many people who have recurring anxiety dreams develop sleep problems because they're afraid to go to sleep and experience another anxiety dream.

Rather than continuing to suffer on your own, get help from a licensed mental health professional so you can deal with your anxiety and have a more peaceful life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist (see my article:  The Therapeutic Benefits of Integrative Psychotherapy).

I have helped many clients to overcome problems with anxiety, including anxiety dreams related to current stressors or unresolved trauma.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Intergenerational Trauma: Recurring Nightmares

For many years, a friend of mine, Ann (not her real name), was having a recurring nightmare, which was very close to a dream she heard about from her mother when Ann was about four years old.   In her mother's nightmare, her mother couldn't find Ann, who was an infant in the dream.  She was panic stricken, in the dream, and she looked all over for Ann, but couldn't find her.  Finally, a man came along and took her to a place where there were lots of babies.  She looked at all the babies, hoping to find Ann, but all the babies looked alike and she still couldn't find Ann.

Transgenerational Trauma: Recurring Nightmares

Clearly, this was a recurring anxiety dream that stemmed from Ann's mother's long history of emotional trauma.  Hearing her mother's dream at such a young age stirred up a lot of anxiety for Ann that she was unable to contain because she was too young to handle it.  Her mother, who was a loving mother in many ways, didn't realize that she was overwhelming Ann by telling her about these recurring dreams, which she had at least a few time a month.

You can imagine how frightening it must have been for a child of four to hear that her mother kept losing her in her dreams.  Children of that age are completely dependent upon their parents and couldn't survive without them.  Trying to contain this type of anxiety at such a young age is beyond a child's capacities.

Soon after hearing about her mother's recurring nightmare, Ann began having a similar dream that involved losing her cat in the same way that her mother lost her in her mother's recurring dreams.  This dream about losing her cat and trying to find her cat among many cats that looked like hers went on until Ann was in her mid-30s.  She recognized that her recurring dream was related to her mother's anxiety dreams, but she didn't know what to do about it until she got help in therapy, at which time the nightmares stopped.

I'm using Ann's experience (with her permission) to illustrate that this is a common phenomenon with children who grow up trying to contain overwhelming amounts of anxiety that one or both parents are unable to contain themselves.  These recurring nightmares, which bear a remarkable resemble to a parent's dream, can go on for many years.  As an adult, an individual has a greater capacity to handle these anxiety dreams.  But they're still disturbing and carry the trauma that the parent was unable to carry.

Transgenerational Trauma
We know a lot more now about intergenerational trauma than we did when Ann was growing up.  We now know that emotional trauma can be passed on through many generations, even if the family members, who were originally affected by the trauma, never speak about it.  The children of many children and grandchildren of Holocaust survivors are examples of this type of intergenerational trauma being passed on.

Dreams reveal what is going on for a person on an unconscious level, and even though Ann appeared to be a healthy, stable child, her dreams revealed that she was carrying a great deal of anxiety related to her mother's trauma.  Fortunately, she was able to get the help she needed from a psychotherapist who specialized in doing trauma work, and she was able to overcome the vicarious trauma.

Getting Help in Therapy
If you think you've been traumatized by intergenerational trauma, you owe it to yourself to get professional help from a licensed trauma therapist.

It is possible to overcome intergenerational trauma with the right help.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist.

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during regular business hours or send me an email me.

Also see my article:  Psychotherapy and Intergenerational Trauma

Transforming Nightmares Through Creative Dream Work

I've been rereading Stephen LaBerge's book, Lucid Dreaming because of my strong interest in dreams in general, and lucid dreams in particular.  One of the recommendations he makes about dealing with nightmares is that, rather than avoiding them, to deal directly with nightmarish figures in dreams, which is a creative form of dreamwork to help overcome unconscious aspects that crop up in our dreams.

 Nightmares

Transforming Nightmares Through Creative Dream Work

For most of us, our usual reaction to waking up from a nightmare is to be glad we've awoken and want to immediately avoid thinking about it. But I agree with Dr. LaBerge that avoiding the unpleasant aspects of dreams and thinking we're now off the hook is, as he states, a little like a prisoner who digs his way out of his prison cell only to find that he's in the cell next door.  You haven't escaped. You've merely exchanged one cell for another, and whatever unresolved issues you might be having remain unconscious for potentially more nightmares.

Lucid Dream Work with Nightmares While Asleep

Dr. LaBerge has recommendations in his book on how to do dream work with nightmares while in a lucid state in the dream as well as strategies for dealing with nightmarish figures while awake.  The main focus of the book is how to achieve lucidity in dreams while asleep, which can be a very exciting and useful state to achieve.  But learning to transform nightmarish figures after the dream by having a "dialogue" with them can also be a creative solution to overcoming nightmares.

Dr. LaBerge recommends that, even in a waking state, we can use our imagination to create this dialogue with the figure from the nightmare by asking this figure who s/he is and what message he or she might have for you.  This can be done with paper and pen (or on computer).  In order to do this, we must suspend disbelief while we're doing this exercise and not worry about looking silly.  Anyway, you're likely to be doing this on your own, so why worry about what other people might think?  You'd be doing this to overcome an unpleasant experience so it doesn't continue to recur.

Dream Work and Hypnotherapy

This same type of dream work can also be done with a skilled hypnotherapist who works with dreams and who can help you to get back into the dream state to do the work. It often feels safer to do dreamwork with a trained therapist, especially for recurring dreams, rather than trying to do it on your own.  It all depends on how comfortable you are doing the work.

Lucid Dreams

In any case, I recommend the book, "Lucid Dreaming" by Dr. Stephen LaBerge, which can be obtained in either paperback or as an e-book.  The advantage of the paperback is that you get a CD with helpful suggestions.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR clinician, and Somatic Experiencing therapist.  I work with individual adults and couples.  I have also helped many clients to find creative solutions to their problems.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, please call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

You can also read my article about Dream Incubation.