How Psychotherapy Helps You to Understand and Change Distorted Thinking

Generally, most people don't spend a lot of time trying to understand their particular style of thinking.  Many people are unaware that they engage in distorted thinking (also known as cognitive distortions).  But when you're in therapy, you have a unique opportunity to understand and change distorted thinking (see my article: The Benefits of Psychotherapy).

How Psychotherapy Helps You to Understand and Change Distorted Thinking

What is Distorted Thinking?
Here's a list of cognitive distortions and definitions:

• Catastrophizing
• All of nothing thinking
• Taking things personally
• Jumping to conclusions
• Overgeneralization
• Fallacy of fairness
• Blaming or externalizing
• Emotional reasoning
• The need to be right
• Filtering

Catastrophizing

When people catastrophize, they tend to exaggerate situations.  They can expect a disaster when, objectively, there is no reason to expect disaster.  

Distorted Thinking: Catastrophizing

For instance, a person who catastrophizes can hear a weather report for a few inches of snow and this builds in her mind until she is convinced that there will be a huge snowstorm even when there is no evidence of this.  She will usually go around in a state of anxiety and excitedly tell others to expect a big snowstorm (see my article: Are You Catastrophizing?)

All or Nothing Thinking (see my article: Overcoming All or Nothing Thinking)

Taking Things Personally

People who tend to take things personally see others' words and deeds as being directed at them when it's not.

Distorted Thinking: Taking Things Personally

An example of this might be:  A new policy is announced that changes the way sales managers are compensated.  The person who tends to take things personally will think that the policy is aimed at her when, in fact, it's for everyone on the sales team.

Jumping to Conclusions

People who jump to conclusions will make assumptions without having objective facts, and they will assume that they're right.  For instance, someone who runs into a neighbor, who looks angry, might assume that the neighbor is angry with him--when in fact the neighbor is angry about something that has nothing to do with him.  

Overgeneralization

People who engage in overgeneralization often take one instance of something happening and make the assumption, based on that one instance, that this is how it is always.  For instance, if a writer submits an article to be published and her article is rejected, she assumes that this is how it will always be when she submits articles.  She is engaging in overgeneralization.

Fallacy of Fairness

Many children grow up thinking that the world should be "fair" and, as adults, when they encounter situations which are "unfair," it contradicts their way of thinking.

Distorted Thinking: Fallacy of Fairness

But, as we know, the world isn't "fair."

Blaming or Externalizing

When people have a tendency to engage in blaming (also known as externalizing), they don't take responsibility for their own thinking, feelings or actions.  

Distorted Thinking: Blaming or Externalizing

Instead, they put the responsibility on others.  An example of this is a person who didn't complete an assignment.  Instead of taking responsibility for not completing the assignment, he blames a coworker for distracting him.

Emotional Reasoning

Emotional reasoning is when a person assumes that whatever he feels must be true.  An example of this would be a person who feels that a person doesn't like her based on her own emotions rather than anything objective that is happening with the other person or the situation.  Reasoning is based solely on emotion.

The Need to Be Right

The need to be right involves a need to prove that one's opinion, feelings or actions are correct even  in the face of contrary facts.  

Distorted Thinking: The Need to Be Right

Someone who needs to be right will argue his opinion regardless of what the other person says.  Being right is more important than the relationship with the other person, how it makes the other person feel or whether or not it's objectively true.

Filtering

Filtering involves paying attention to only certain aspects of a situation and not to others.  For instance, a person who tends to engage in filtering might only pay attention to the negative side of a situation rather than looking at the whole picture which includes positive aspects.

How Cognitive Distortions Create Problems

As you can see from the descriptions above, these cognitive distortions can be rigid and applied across the board to many different situations.

The problem is that the person who engages in cognitive distortions is usually unaware of it and it can cause many problems for himself as well as others due to his lack of awareness.

How Cognitive Distortions Create Problems

Due to a person's tenacity in using cognitive distortions and their ingrained nature, there is little possibility for change if s/he cannot take in new information from the outside.

Other people, including a spouse, sibling, friend or a supervisor can try to help the person to see how his thinking is distorted, but this is often disregarded by the person using cognitive distortions.

Not only do cognitive distortions create problems for others--they also create internal problems for the person who engages in them.

For instance, in the example above on overgeneralization, the writer, who believes that her writing will always be rejected, might give up too soon and stop writing or stop submitting her writing.  In doing so, she deprives herself of the joy of writing or the anticipated joy of seeing her work published.  She also deprives potential readers of the satisfaction of reading her writing.

How Psychotherapy Helps You to Understand and Change Distorted Thinking

When you're in therapy, your therapist is usually trained to detect cognitive distortions, among other things.

While your family or friends might actually believe in the same cognitive distortions that you do or they might get tired of trying to get you to see the distortions, a skilled therapist will be attuned to distorted thinking and help you in a tactful way to be aware of it and to change it.

How Therapy Helps You to Understand and Change Distorted Thinking

Changing distorted thinking isn't always easy.  You need to feel safe enough in your relationship with your therapist to hear her and also be open to looking at your own way of thinking and relating.  

Even if you feel comfortable with your psychotherapist and you're open to self reflection, there might be other obstacles getting in your way.

It's the psychotherapist's job to help you to identify the underlying reasons why you might be ambivalent about change.  And, let's face it, most people are at least somewhat ambivalent about change even when they come to therapy to make specific changes.

For example, the writer who overgeneralizes based on one rejection will have to look at what it would mean if she let go of this cognitive distortion.  

How Psychotherapy Helps You to Understand and Change Distorted Thinking

One possibility might be that if she opens up to the possibility that she is the one who is getting in her own way of writing or submitting work to publishers, she would need to face her own internal fears, whatever they might be.  

There can be many deeper levels involving the unconscious that will need to be unearthed, exposed to the light of day, and explored.  The underlying unconscious reasons might have nothing to do with what the writer identifies as her conscious reasons.

For example, staying with the same example of the writer:  What if her mother always wanted to be a writer, but because she was a stay at home mom, her lifelong dream of being a writer never materialized?  As a result, the writer feels guilty that she might succeed as a writer and her mother did not.

If these feelings of guilt come up as the deepest layer of unconscious material, the writer might assume that she will ruin her relationship with her mother by succeeding where her mother did not.  And, since she doesn't want to ruin her relationship with her mother, she stops writing, not realizing this underlying unconscious reason.

The writer's assumption (that she will ruin her relationship with her mother by succeeding) might also be a distortion because it's possible that, contrary to what the writer thinks, her mother might be delighted to see her daughter succeed as a writer.

But if this unconscious material is never exposed, the writer and the therapist could go round and round for a long time just talking about how the writer is using overgeneralization.

To get to the unconscious material, a skilled therapist must be trained in how to get to these underlying emotions, whether the therapist uses psychodynamic psychotherapy, clinical hypnosis, Coherence Therapy or any one of a number of modalities that deals with unconscious thinking and emotions.

So, it's not enough to identify the particular cognitive distortion.  A skilled psychotherapist must also be able to get to the deeper underlying causes of the problem, otherwise the therapy will remain superficial.

Getting Help in Therapy

If you suspect that your style of thinking could be getting in your own way or compromising your interpersonal relationships, you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to get help in therapy.

Freeing yourself from cognitive distortions and the underlying unconscious thinking and emotions that are driving them will change your life and the lives of those you love.

Rather than suffering on your own, get help from a licensed psychotherapist who is skilled in helping clients to identify their cognitive distortions, get to the root cause of the problem, and make healthy changes.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

My original training is in psychodynamic psychotherapy.  I also use cognitive behavioral therapy when it is needed.

I have helped many clients to overcome their own cognitive distortions and make lasting changes so they can lead a more fulfilling life.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Staying Positive and Focused on Your Goals

Staying positive and focused on your goals, especially long-term goals, can be challenging.

Many people who made New Year's resolutions in January have already given up on keeping their resolutions (see my article: Making and Keeping New Year's Resolutions).

There are many reasons why people, who start out motivated at the beginning of the year, lose their motivation after just a few months or even a few weeks.

Here are some of the primary reasons why people give up on their goals:

Having Unrealistic Goals
Many people have unrealistic ideas about what they can achieve.

New Year's resolutions tend to be about things like losing weight, exercising more or eating healthier.

These are all worthy goals, but the problem arises when people set unrealistic goals, like wanting to lose 50 lbs in a month.  This is an unrealistic and unattainable goal for most people and it sets them up for failure.

In addition to being realistic and attainable, you're more likely to succeed at accomplishing your goals if they're specific, measurable, relevant and time bound.

Engaging in All or Nothing Thinking
When goals are unrealistic and unattainable, people usually become discouraged and give up rather than recognizing that the goal was unrealistic and modifying it.

It becomes an all-or-nothing proposition for them (see my article:  Overcoming All or Nothing Thinking).

Having False Expectations that Accomplishing Your Goals Will Create a "New You"
The idea of people "reinventing" themselves is a part of the American culture.

We read in self help books and hear ads all the time that say that you can create a "new you" if you only lose weight, have whiter teeth or ____________________ (fill in the blank).

This cultural stereotype appeals to people who want a "quick fix" as opposed to people who recognize that change is a process that usually occurs over time.

Avoid False Expectations That Accomplishing Your Goals Will Create a "New You"

When people focus exclusively on external change without focusing on internal change, even when they succeed at their external goal, it's harder to persevere in that goal if they haven't done the psychological work that's necessary to maintain the process.

For instance, I've known people who had lap band surgery to lose weight.

After the surgery, they lost a lot of weight.  But if they didn't work on the psychological issues that triggered overeating, they often either reverted to overeating and got sick or they developed another addictive behavior, like gambling.

Allowing People in Your Life to Discourage You
When you have an important goal, it's important to share your intention with people who are going to be supportive of you (see my article: Beware of Emotional Saboteurs).

Emotional support to accomplish a goal can make the difference between accomplishing your goal or giving up.

Don't Allow Emotional Saboteurs to Discourage You From Accomplishing Your Goals

In an ideal world, everyone in your life would be supportive and encouraging.  But, as most of us know, this just isn't the case.

When you share your intention to accomplish a goal with people who tend to be discouraging, you're exposing yourself to their negative thinking and, possibly, allowing their negativity to derail you.

People who tend to be negative and discouraging aren't always doing it to sabotage you.  Sometimes, without even realizing it, they project their own discouragement about themselves onto you.

If you know you have a healthy, realistic and worthy goal, you have to become more self protective and talk about your goal with other motivated people who are doing positive things in their lives and want the same for you.

Allowing Self Sabotage and Negative Thoughts to Keep You From Accomplishing Your Goals
Even more detrimental than other people's negativity are your own negative thoughts that can creep in so easily, before you realize it, to discourage you from accomplishing your goals (see my article:  Are You Sabotaging Yourself With Negative Self Talk?)

Negative thoughts (also known as negative self talk) can be so insidious and so automatic that, before you know it, you've talked yourself out of pursuing your goals.

Staying Positive and Focused on Your Goals
Remember that change is a process.

Staying Positive and Focused on Your Goals: Change is a Process

Keeping a journal where you write down your progress along the way to accomplishing your goals can help you to stay positive and focused on your goals (see my article:  Are You Able to Celebrate Your Progress or Are You Only Focused on How Much More You Have to Go?).

Along the way, keeping a gratitude journal can also help you to appreciate all that you have to be grateful for throughout the process of working on your goals.

Getting Help in Therapy
It can be challenging to stay positive and focused on your goals even under the best of circumstances, but if you have a history of emotional trauma or there are other psychological issues that are creating obstacles for you, it's even harder.

If you realize that psychological issues are preventing you from fulfilling your dreams, you owe it to yourself to get help.

Working with a licensed mental health professional who has expertise in helping people to overcome psychological issues that create obstacles to realizing your goals can make the difference for you of being successful or falling short of your goals.

Getting help can lead to a more meaningful, fulfilled life.

About Me
I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist who works with individual adults and couples.

I have worked with many clients to help them to overcome emotional obstacles in their lives.

To find out more about me, visit my website:  Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Overcoming "All or Nothing" Thinking

When you engage in all or nothing thinking, you're limiting your possibilities and, possibly, the possibilities of those around you.  Sometimes, referred to as "black and white" thinking, when you engage in all of nothing thinking, you leave out a lot of the "grey" area.  And, let's face it, most of life falls in that "grey" zone.

Overcoming "All or Nothing" Thinking

All or nothing thinking is known as a cognitive distortion because it represents a distortion in the way you think either about yourself, someone else or a situation.

Developing Awareness About How You Think and Approach Life
In order to make any changes, first, you need to be aware of your particular pattern of thinking.

How can you recognize if you're engaging in all or nothing thinking?

Here are some examples:
"Nothing ever goes right for me."
"I'm a total loser."
"I'm always wrong."
"What's the use of even trying?  Life is always so hard."
"You never listen to me."

How Does All or Nothing Thinking Affect You?
As I mentioned earlier, engaging in all or nothing thinking limits your options to either "yes" or "no" or "always" and "never."  While there are times in life when you're clear that your response is an absolute like "yes," "no," "always," or "never," if this is your pattern most of the time, then you're dealing with a cognitive distortion in your views.

The following vignette is a fictionalized scenario where a person engages in nothing thinking:

Ed:
Ed, who was in his late 20s, had low self confidence.  It was hard for him to try anything new because he had so many self doubts.  It took a lot for him to take risks, whether they were  risks in his personal life or in his career.  He had to work hard to push aside his negative thoughts about himself in order for him to make a move.

When he met Karen at a party, he really wanted to get to know her.  He hesitated to ask her for her telephone number because he assumed that she would reject him.  He thought: "She'd never be interested in me" and "I'm such a loser."  He had to really summon his courage to ask her for her telephone number so he could ask her out on a date.  Ed was shocked when Karen smiled and gave him her number.

A couple of days later, Ed began dialing Karen's number, but he kept hanging up before the phone rang.  His fear of rejection escalated as his negative thoughts almost got the best of him: "She probably gave me the number because she felt too uncomfortable to say no, but she'll never go out with me."

Once again, Ed pushed aside his negative thoughts and redialed.  When he got Karen's voicemail, he almost hung up but, despite his fear, he left a message.

When a day passed and Karen didn't call back, Ed berated himself, telling himself, "You see?  She's not interested.  You're a loser."

Overcoming All or Nothing Thinking

Then, Karen called Ed the following day, telling him that she was having problems with her phone and she just got his message.  She also told him that she would love to go out with him, which surprised and delighted Ed.

Overcoming All or Nothing Thinking

 
He felt good for a few minutes, and then his self doubt crept in again and he felt sure that Karen wasn't going to enjoy being with him.

Overcoming All or Nothing Thinking
If you recognize yourself as engaging in all or nothing thinking, you can practice trying to reframe situations for yourself.

For instance, in the vignette above, Ed was certain that Karen didn't call back on the same day because she wasn't interested in him.  He never considered other possibilities, including that there were problems with Karen's phone.

If you see yourself as having a similar pattern, you can begin by challenging yourself in every day situations by coming up with other possibilities.

At first, you might not believe that there could be any other possibilities, except for the negative thoughts you're having.  But just practice.  If nothing else, it will help you to develop a greater awareness of how often you engage in all or nothing thinking.

In the above vignette, even if Karen didn't return Ed's phone call, there could be lots of other reasons:  Maybe she was sick.  Maybe she liked Ed, but she was too shy to call him back.  And so on.

Often, it's easier to see other people's distorted thinking.  If you happen to notice other people engaging in all or nothing thinking, you could challenge their assumptions in your own mind and come up with different options.

Getting Help in Therapy
Often, people who are depressed or anxious engage in all or nothing thinking, feeling they have few options.  

If you think you're anxious or depressed, you could benefit from getting help from a licensed mental health professional so you can live a more fulfilling life.

About Me

I am a licensed NYC psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR and Somatic Experiencing therapist. 

I work with individual adults and couples.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist

To set up a consultation, call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also, see my article:  Making Changes: Overcoming the Voice of Negative Prediction