Why Chasing Happiness Doesn't Work

People often feel discouraged in their pursuit of happiness because the more they chase it, the more elusive it feels.  

Chasing Happiness Doesn't Work

Chasing happiness creates an emotional paradox which often pushes true well-being away. 

Psychological research reveals that transforming happiness into a rigid, primary goal often creates stress, disappointment and exhaustion instead of fulfillment.

The Illusion of a Final Destination to Happiness

• The Hedonic Treadmill: People often assume there is a fixed finish line--like achieving a specific career rank or purchasing a luxury item. But the truth is that once this kind of goal is achieved, the brain quickly adapts to the new baseline. This, in turn, can spark never-ending desires in the hopes of achieving happiness.

• Time Scarcity: Actively working toward a vague goal of "being happy" makes people extremely aware of time. This causes people to feel they never have enough time in the day which can cause panic and dissatisfaction.

• The Perfection Standard: Treating positive emotions, like happiness, as the default sets unrealistic and unmanageable expectations. When life inevitably brings real challenges, an "expectation gap" forms leading to severe disappointment and discouragement (see my article: Coping With Life's Inevitable Ups and Downs).

Flawed Emotional Management

• Constant Self-Monitoring: Chasing happiness forces people into a constant state of internal evaluation. Constantly asking, "Am I happy yet?" pulls people out of possible immersive, joyful experiences--also known as a flow state (see my article: What is a Flow State?).

Chasing Happiness Doesn't Work

• Suppression of Reality: People often mistakenly try to push negative emotions under the rug. But natural human experiences, like grief, sadness and frustration, are meant to be felt. Trying to suppress these feelings creates an unstable, exhausting psychological foundation.

• The Achievement Deficit: High achievers frequently replace true life enjoyment with strict struggles to achieve success. They treat hobbies or relaxation as a waste of time, which leaves them feeling empty.

Evolutionary Hurdles

• Survival Over Satisfaction: From an evolutionary standpoint, the human brain didn't evolve to be constantly happy. It evolved to survive, reproduce and scan the environment for threats.

• An Inability to Predict What Will Create Happiness: Researchers have discovered that humans have an inability to accurately predict what will make them feel fulfilled in the long run.

A Shift in Focus
To reduce a sense of discouragement, shift your focus away from direct happiness. Instead aim your focus on meaning, resilience, gratitude and deep emotional connection which can allow contentment to happen naturally.

About Me

I am a licensed New York psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, EMDR, AEDP, EFT (for couples), IFS, Somatic Experiencing and Certified Sex Therapist.

I have helped many individual adults and couples over the years.

To find out more about me, visit my website: Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist.

To set up a consultation call me at (917) 742-2624 during business hours or email me.

Also See My Articles:

What Are Peak Experiences?  

A "Happy Life" vs a Meaningful Life 

Becoming Your True Self